Pick posted:

What amazes me is that the cheating stories are 99% someone cheating in a way so obvious and stupid it's practically offensive. Cheating is wrong, and everyone should dump a cheater, but for god's sakes have some loving pride in your work, you know?

54 40 or gently caress posted:

How much do you want to bet he posts on 4chan dropping the n bomb and writing all sorts of poo poo about the roommate

54 40 or gently caress posted:

How much do you want to bet he posts on 4chan dropping the n bomb and writing all sorts of poo poo about the roommate

quote:

My dearest /pol/,
Today I struck out at the BBC menace again. He left the house without his keys, and so I gleefully locked the doors(how devilish!) I will post updates when he gets home!

Nazzadan posted:

54 40 or gently caress posted:

How much do you want to bet he posts on 4chan dropping the n bomb and writing all sorts of poo poo about the roommate

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Well I mean you could put a huge amount of work in maintaining a precarious, ever-expanding web of lies to mislead the person who knows you most intimately and hope they never in their lifetiems notice something off, or you can just date in the apparently ample pool of living doormats who'll watch you blowing three dudes at once and go "huh, well to an outsider this might look bad, but they just don't know our love" and do whatever you feel like

quote:

I still think people are a bit too averse to group sex

quote:

Hello everyone, I am typing this from mobile so I know there will be some mistakes and it requires some back ground so it might also be kinda long.
DISCLAIMER: YES, I am in therapy and YES I am taking medicine. Please do not suggest these things, or give me some questions or areas I might want to work on in the future. Generalities don't work on this for me. NO THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT HOW I CAN DEAL WITH WHAT HAPPENED WITH OLDER EX AND PTSD.
Last year around the holiday I (17 at the time) began dating an older (20M) ex coworker of mine. I had never been in a real relationship before and I really thought I'd had it made. I was struggling with depression and got almost no attention from my family except for my twin sister but she dropped out to get her GED so I was often alone at school for most of the day. Anyway I met this guy, we started dating, and even though something seemed off with it at the beginning I figured it was the best thing to happen because hey dating older guys is cool, right? Plus I was getting attention and that's all I really wanted at the time. Problem was, I am NOT a very sexual person at all and often feel disgusted at my own body, so even at the time I only really made out with then bf because I thoughts that what couple had to do, but I had the sense to tell him that even if we did have sex that I wanted NO PENETRATION AT ALL, which seemed fine for a while until we were fooling around and he stuck a finger in me. I felt mortified, thinking how a couple days before he'd adamantly agreed to my terms, but I figured at this point why would I bother telling him again if he couldn't keep it in mind now. So that went on for a while and it eventually devolved into him sexually assaulting me about three more times (PIV and FIV) and my mental health was on a rapid decline. I became suicidal, I would run into the mountains whichever direction I wanted in the hopes that I would get lost and disappear.

I'd wish I could get a fatal illness and die or best of all that my bf would just break up with me. He was an emotional sponge, clingy, and always came over to my house high and ready to have sex, which led to my aversion towards drugs (important later on). Eventually though my family moved and hour away and I was just about done going no contact with my ex once the new school year began in August of 2015.

About this time though I noticed that I could no longer identify faces from one another, I thought about cutting my fingers and limbs off as though none of them really belonged to me, and finally had a huge emotional breakdown home alone one night. I screamed and cried and disassociated, and it was honestly one of the worst moments of my life because I had no idea what was going on. After telling my family about this they set me up with an appointment to see a psychiatrist (keep in mind school has begun now and I made a friend, we'll call him Steve). I retold what had happened to my ex, not really connecting the dots that I had been sexually assaulted, and my psychiatrist mentioned that it was more than likely I had PTSD. The time frame and circumstances, along with my symptoms, all fit the bill.

Until that point I had kept everything a secret from my family and eventually opened up to my mom, sister, and stepmom about what had happened and that I was suffering from PTSD. They were all very supportive and offered their help to me, which I used to then gather courage in order to tell my dad. Big mistake. I was having a hard time and my dad had kept pestering me on it so I broke down and told him everything that had gone on between ex bf and my diagnosis up until that point. The first thing he said was that he hoped I'd learned my lesson, and that was about all. I was floored that he could have blamed me for this and ended up not doing so hot. My health rapidly declined and I dealt with my pain by yelling and fighting with my family (not good trust me, I know) and after an exchange with my father outside my house where I refused to take my medicine because at the time I hadn't felt it was doing me any good, he shoved me inside and told me that I was being an embarrassment to the family and that he doubted I even had PTSD. For me that was the last straw and in the moment, not thinking clearly, and mixed with an already present loss of hope I overdosed and locked myself in my room.

Unfortunately I did not die, and a week or so later when I was trying to reconnect with my father and asked about family plans to a concert in Arizon he told me he was selling my ticket because my "little trip to the hospital" was going to cost the same amount and my punishment for having emotions and being in a low spot was apparently done to spite him.

After all that I moved an hour away south to live with my mom, and throughout the whole family drama part I met and became fast friends with Steve. He was quiet and kind and we share the same interest. Whenever I shared with him the things that were going on at home he truly supported me the best I could and we eventually started dating. We were inseparable and he is the first person I have been/am in love with. Steve is the first person I even felt remotely comfortable exploring some sexual things with him, and while I was only really stable enough for a month to do so, it was definite first for me. I tried my hardest to respect him because I knew he loved and trusted me in a way of never had before, and around the time I moved out he invited me to stay at his house since it was only 20 minutes away from my school rather than an hour.

I stayed every once in a while until a few months ago my mothers abusive ex broke into our home (the first time he tried to rape my mom, which triggered many unwanted emotions for me and essentially sent me back to step one in my recovery) twice and I wasn't allowed to stay at home with my mom so I began staying with Steve more and more often. I can't point where things REALLY began to decline because we'd have our ups and downs but it wasn't until somewhat recently when I would constantly be angry and snappy with Steve. I was fine with friends and people who I didn't know well, where there was no danger of intimacy, but once Steve and I were alone I would ignore him or try to distance myself by insulting him and ignoring him or lashing out when he showed signs of discontent or sadness, since I believe that people cry or vent or get emotional for the sole purpose of manipulation and as such it would disgust me that it seemed Steve would go to what seemed great and pathetic lengths to get me to give emotional attention which I was too hurt to offer.

A month or so ago things hit their lowest point in the relationship. Steve put aside every scholarly responsibility to look after and care for me, buying me gifts I didn't ask for, making me food and attending to my every need. I wasn't having any of it and continued to act the way I had but even worse because I felt responsible for keeping him on track in school in order for him to graduate as he showed little to no interest in motivating himself. This cycle continued to worsen until this week we were getting ready for bed at his house and I was feeling uncomfortable so I asked if he would mind sleeping at the end of the bed (he has done so before without my asking when I have expressed that I felt uncomfortable) and he flipped out asking if I thought he was a dog and everything to which I'll admit I did not react so well to. I got very angry and stormed into the living room to sleep on the couch where he followed me, and he asked if i hated him and why I even stayed there, to which I told him at that point I just about did hate him (not true, his emotions and laziness were getting too much for me, although him being emotional isn't his fault I suppose) and we continued arguing. I called him names, asked why he was butt hurt and was generally very rude and immature, mentioning in a snide way that I was being this way because of my emotional state to which he blew up and said "I know you have a mental illness, I loving know you have one! Stop bringing it up!" Or something to that effect, at which point I tuned out because for me that was the last nail in the coffin to show he had stopped respecting me for who I was and the way I (I'll admit poorly) reacted to things because of events which were not at all my fault.

Things were sort of patched up and I went to my moms house for a couple days until I had to come back to school to do my finals, finished, and am proud to say that I at least now am a high school graduate. I asked Steve to pick me up and asked if I could stay at his house since my mom worked for the next couple of days, to which he agreed. We get to his house and I announce that I have graduated, which apparently set Steve's father off who came into the kitchen and began yelling at me that I was an ungrateful dog with a pussy made of gold, that I was manipulating his son, that all I did was sit around like a queen and that he had a friend who'd killed himself unlike me who "just hosed with people's heads" and that he didn't want me bringing my emotional loving issues into their home and that he would not be responsible if I killed myself there.
I was kicked out and cried the whole way back, asked Steve to drop me off with my father (who I hadn't seen in 5 months) and ended things up with him.

Fast forward to now. I am beyond furious, ashamed, hurt, and mostly just trying to suppress my emotions at this point. I am severely triggered by what Steve's father said, and evidently it was because Steve had "vented" to his mother who told his father.
I know I was selfish and unsupportive among other things, but it is because of everything I have been through and a lot of the times it doesn't register to me how awful the things I'm saying are because I say them to push people away when I relapse. I have some idea what I did wrong and some part of me wanted to trust Steve again when he called to apologize and has since been trying to mend the situation, to which I reacted to angrily once more, but I am hurt and sickened that someone could think those things of me and undermine the assault and neglect I have faced, and call my need for help manipulation.
Supposedly most of the things said by his father were untrue and made up in a fit of anger, and the rest was simply distorted versions of "vents" Steve had with his mom, but I have a hard time seeing that his father nah be a gigantic rear end in a top hat but the only thing I really had to collect (and should have after past convos with Steve) was that I need to show more respect to bf. However I normally to believe that every part of what his father said, obscenities and encouragements to kill myself included, are shared by the entire family, including Steve, and for that I am leaning more towards going scorched earth and simply wishing that they live out the rest of their miserable lives as they please and I'll just cut everyone off.
I'm torn between somehow trying to work on the way I respond to emotions and react when I am triggered to better fit a relationship in order to make things work with Steve since he is still willing, or to cut him and his entire family off because to me the behavior of all of them is inexcusable. What should I do? How do I better handle myself in order to be more forgiving and so my only responses to emotional hurt is not to either cut someone off or scream at them? And YES I would prefer advice on how to fix this since I can see my mistakes and want to fix them only because I love and feel motivated to change purely for myself and to amend things with Steve, but with my conflicted thoughts and poor communication skills I don't know how to do it or if I'd be better off separating myself from everyone and anyone.
tl;dr: Got yelled obscenities and put down by fathers bf, threw away rocky (due mostly to my emotional issues) but otherwise the healthiest and most supportive relationship I had and now have conflicted feelings about it. What do?

Pick posted:

your long hair is only not gross as long as you do not encourage or discuss any positive qualities of poly relationships, Mirthless

Pick posted:

your long hair is only not gross as long as you do not encourage or discuss any positive qualities of poly relationships, Mirthless

Yawgmoth posted:

Positive qualities of poly relationships, a complete list:

• Funny as gently caress to read about when they inevitably collapse

Pick posted:

If I were a black person I would be so loving mad I had to put up with all of these completely pathetic white people who gets scared whenever I turn on the stereo or eat too much spaghetti or whatever

Yawgmoth posted:

Positive qualities of poly relationships, a complete list:

• Funny as gently caress to read about when they inevitably collapse

Yawgmoth posted:

Positive qualities of poly relationships, a complete list:

• Funny as gently caress to read about when they inevitably collapse

Mirthless posted:

boy, are they ever

honestly, I do believe that polyamory is a thing, some people are probably hard wired for it and some people can get used to it (but never really seem to from the stories you see here), but for the most part I think it's like going gluten free in that most people don't have celiac disease and don't need to do it and it's really just adding stress to your life for no reason

I'm all about acceptance but sometimes it seems like every 19 year old with a tumblr account thinks they're poly

Moridin920 posted:

Yeah I agree. It's kind of just the old "ooohhhh I wanna be single but I don't wanna break up 'cuz I like having a bf/gf what dooo" teenage slash young adult poo poo except now there's a 3rd way and they can all go 'oh I know, we'll have an open relationship and be poly!' and lol obviously.

Zelder posted:

It's actually just really really funny (until they call the cops on you for driving through the neighborhood you live in, still mad about that one)

quote:

Hi, I have been with my gf for over a year and for the most part we get a long. I have had my cat for a year prior to meeting my gf. She started getting jealous over the cat sleeping with us in bed when she was waking up and the cat was either cuddling with me. Then she started saying that the cat was disrupting her sleep as she walks over her to cuddle me. I tried to compromise by doing my best to shrugh my cat off while in bed with her and making sure to cuddle her while we are falling a sleep and in the morning when we wake up. I have now proposed that we shut the door at night and then when we dont need to wake up early the cat can sleep with us one day a week. We tried this the other night but he was scratching at our door and she opened up the door and said i will go sleep in the other room like she does sometimes to make sure she gets enough rest. I said ok and mentioned that we can introduce it slowly. So i went to bed. The cat came and curled up next to me. She then got up to snack or something in the night, and came to see the cat next to me. She got really mad that I am encouraging the cat to sleep with me. We are now day two and she is still mad and saying we have reached the boiling point.

More context: Her point is that she thinks the bed is her territory. The sleep part comes when the cat comes up on the bed comes to me and starts purring. I do see her point about the lack of sleep. I have tried to work on the problem by moving him to the feet, which she is against. She enjoys the cat and tries to compensate for the fact that she is making me sacrifice this. The problem comes with time as i get more and more relaxed about the cat coming in bed and her not being as visibly mad. I love my cat and I love her, but it pains me to the point where I am unable to sleep sometimes because I wake up and my cat is next to me but I don't want to kick him off. So I worry that she will wake up, see this and then we would have a huge fight.

tl;dr: Huge fights over my cat sleeping in the bed with us.. wondering if I there is something I am doing wrong or if this is a deal breaker?

quote:

Three weeks ago, my girlfriend "announced" to break up with me, whom I still had lots of feelings for. She broke up with me in person, and I suppose officially a week ago. Her reason was because of a few things she thought that couldn't change about myself, namely; my immaturity, lack of dedication and stingyness regarding money (I'm looking for a job at the moment to counteract this).

I begged and argued for a second chance, that great relationships blossom with empathy and time, but she said she didn't have the patience because she felt these were aspects of me that aren't changeable. She cried that day for me (which I found confusing because she was the one breaking up with me).

She did, however, reinforce twice that if I do change for her, she wanted it to be not just for her but for myself. And that if I do go beyond her zone of reality and do better myself, she will reconsider. Instead of flat out saying "Goodbye we're never dating again" sort of thing.

However; this is my first real relationship where I want to take things far with this girl. I agree with the criticisms about me, as I didn't realize that were actually apaprent issues. So i've been working on myself everyday to better myself, not just for her, but for myself as well. And I believe in myself that I can change these aspects.

We still talked a bit after our breakup but she started to reply much less frequently (I assume this is her way of saying she wants time).

So I adopted the no-contact rule and set myself a rule of 21 days, it's been one week of no initiation from either of us and i'm seriously considering whether to ask her out so we can talk again in person and leave a strong impression because i'm scared that 21~30 days is too long and she would lose all feelings she had for me.

So, what should I do? Should I talk to her again now? Or wait out the rest of the two weeks? Do I still have a chance?

tl;dr: Girlfriend of 4 months broke up with me due to "unchangeable aspects", been in the no contact rule for a week out of three to show her a fresh new changed me.

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Me [36 M] with my girlfriend [36 F] one year relationship, huge fights over my cat sleeping in the bed with us..

Pick posted:

CAT CAME FIRST

Pick posted:

CAT CAME FIRST

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

We are now day two and she is still mad and saying we have reached the boiling point.

Nazzadan posted:

I almost don't want to post this, but I know some people including me get a kick out of the sad ones. This is a rollercoaster of being on the girls side, hating her guts, being on her side, then hating her again.
Me [17F] with my Ex Steve [18M] 7 months, his father yelled obscene things at me, I ended things, and now I regret it.

subhuman filth posted:

I like the idea of being "poly" as an inherent quality innate to a person which makes them fundamentally incompatible with only loving one person.

Surprise, retard. Literally everyone wants desperately to gently caress around outside their relationships, most people just have the discipline and empathy for their partners not to trap them into a farce of a relationship with their special snowflaking

fruit on the bottom posted:

I'd also be willing to bet that most people who are emotionally mature enough to be able to pull off a poly relationship

Andrast posted:

Let the cat sleep where the cat wants to sleep

Patrick Spens posted:

Counterpoint: If the cat won't sleep at the foot of the bed, it can sleep outside a shut bedroom door.

Patrick Spens posted:

Counterpoint: If the cat won't sleep at the foot of the bed, it can sleep outside a shut bedroom door.

Pick posted:

CAT CAME FIRST

Yawgmoth posted:

lol "i'm a piece of poo poo so everyone else is, some just hide it better" just rofl