Ratjaculation posted:

Odd to see the dude smashing the open relationship for once

datajugend posted:

guy steals female roommates underwear for some sniffing and jerking, you need to run for the hills. girl steals sweaty gym boxer for sniffing and jerking, she is wife material bro, go for it.

Antivehicular posted:

Who pees into a bush when their house is like right there? Dude was like twenty seconds from a toilet

Pick posted:

Men love pissing outside. They love it. They love it. This is one of the most harmless ways to let a man do that thing he loves (pissing outside).

I don't get it either, but they love it.

Antivehicular posted:

Lessons I've learned today: I am a stooge of Big Toilet

NomChompsky posted:

Let it never be said again that Pick doesn't understand men. She gets it.

quote:

Boyfriend (28m) found out how much money I (28f) have, he wants me to pay off for a house for us as well as a new car and fund a trip for him to go abroad, should I end it?Relationships
submitted 1 year ago * by Familyhhhh

I want to make it clear that I've always spent money on my boyfriend, buying him nice things and what not. He got his PS4 and new gaming PC because of me. My boyfriend however found out that I have a good amount of money and has started to be quite weird about it.

Several times he's referred to my money as our money and using our money to buy him the luxury car he's dreamt of having, he wants us to move out of separate apartments and get a house together and has said instead of getting him a small Christmas gift that I should fund a trip for him to see Europe. (I'm from Italy and have family in Bulgaria, Croatia and The Netherlands) and he is from Canada.

Buying the luxury car, it's less whether I can afford it and more that seems like something you get your husband or wife and not your boyfriend of 3 years. The house I can understand, if we were engaged or something but we aren't though he has talked about marriage several times in the past few months and finally yes, I can afford a trip for both of us to tour Europe but whereas it's something I might have thought of for us to do before, he only brought this up after finding out that I do have the money to pay for it.

Is this reason enough to break up with him?

tl;dr bf found out I have money and suddenly our relationship and the things he wants all stem from that

quote:

My boyfriend's [26M] optimism and immaturity almost destroyed me [25F] financially. I cut him off and now he feels abandoned. Is there any hope he'll grow up or am I being the immature optimist now?Relationships
submitted 5 months ago by atlaslady

My boyfriend and I started dating in July of 2014. He is the biggest optimist in the world and lived a pretty cushy life as the only child of divorced parents. We both lived separately and had jobs that covered all our bills and then some; he bought an expensive sports car, gaming computer, and purebred dog (important later). He was in school, while I had graduated a year before and started work at my first big kid job. Life was great, and the first six months were some of the happiest times of my life.

The first week of January 2015, he was wrongfully terminated from his job - a new supervisor was on the warpath to replace everyone on BF's shift with his friends and waited until the new year, after the holiday rush was over, to start cleaning house. Government sided with BF during the unemployment claim, and BF started receiving benefits. He decided to focus on finishing school instead of looking for more work.

This where the cracks started. He was supposed to graduate that May, but he failed a class and couldn't, so he had to go to school in the summer. In June, his savings ran out and he could either afford his car payment and insurance or rent. His lease was up at the end of July, so I agreed to pay his rent and he could move in with me in July and finish school.

He found out weeks before he was supposed to graduate that he needed one particular elective to get out. He had to go to school that fall, too. I demanded he get a job to help with expenses, as I wasn't planning on having to support him for so long. A month or two, fine. Six months? No.

He got a job as an insurance agent for an extremely reputable company at the end of July. Turns out this job is commission-based... being the optimist he is, the manager's talk of being able to make unlimited amounts of money drew him in. I paid for him to take the certification tests he needed to work, and he started trying to build a client base selling structured financial products. He made and makes nothing. He'll have a $700 payday for a small close, then nothing for months. He's out there busting his rear end every day, but building a financial client base from scratch without any family privilege or existing networks is ridiculously hard.

In Sept 2015, we downsized from my fancy downtown apartment to a POS house on the edge of the ghetto. I paid the security deposit and double rent at both places for a month as that's how the lease overlaps worked out, totalling about $3500. By November, my savings was almost gone and I had to liquidate shares of my family trust (on which I took a penalty, as my grandfather did not want us to access it before age 25) to get us by. By Dec, I had $300 in savings and nothing left in my family trust. I had spent about $17k since July supporting us, his job (he needed money to take clients out for lunch and coffee), his dog, and my dog.

Since September, we had been having recurring fights about money and chores. I expected him to pick up 90% of the housework as his way of paying me back. He never shaped up on either front. He just kept repeating to me the same things that his manager said to him to draw him in: "It'll get better. Everyone struggles at first. If you hang on, you'll make it. Once I make it, we'll be rolling in it." Every time we had a fight. Every. Time.

Two weeks before Christmas, we had this fight again and I demanded he do something other than feed me bullshit inspirational quotes. I left the house in a rage and drove to buy cigarettes. I was thinking of who I should text and ask to crash for the night when I got angry. gently caress no, I'm not crashing on someone's couch while he lives on the house I pay for, sleeps in the bed I pay for, and eats the food I pay for. I returned home and gave him 10 days to pack his poo poo and get out. He moved into his Dad's house, and I spent Christmas morning chilling with my dog and returning his presents online.

We started hanging out again in January of this year, and things seemed to be going well for his business, enough for him to consider getting an apartment. I told him he could move back in and if we couldn't split expenses evenly at first, he had to get serious about doing chores and sticking to my budget. It was fine at first, but by April, he wasn't doing any chores and I was back to paying 100% of his and his dog's living expenses. He also was about to not meet quota for that quarter and asked to me to sign up for a policy and then reverse it after quarter-end so I'd be reimbursed. I lost my poo poo on him. I work in capital markets, I can't afford to commit financial fraud for him. I told him I've sacrificed enough for him, he can't come for my integrity too. (Bonus: the friend who he did rope into doing the reversed policy still hasn't been reimbursed, 5 months later.)

We had another blowout fight, and he majorly stepped up on the chores front, which has sustained to this day. Money was still touch and go - when he didn't get paid, his fancy car ate it up every month. He landed a big case in May, and paid his half rent in June for the first time, and offered to pay all of July, which he did. By the second week of July, he was completely broke again, and told me last minute he couldn't pay August rent. I had to scramble to get the cash needed in one account to send the check. He couldn't afford to pay for his half of groceries like he promised either, so that was a scramble too.

I'm so sick of this. I work an incredible job for my age, paid off all my college debt 8 months after graduation, and own my car, yet I'm living paycheck to paycheck supporting him. There's always something, even if it's a legitimate something, that keeps him from paying his half. It's been a loving year and there hasn't even been marginal improvement. His job is meant for filthy rich trust fund kids who can afford to be this broke while they build their client base. I admire his optimism but he's not suffering for listening to it... I am.

I have enabled him far too long and after the most recent fight about money, I realized he is too immature to be trying his hand at this job. He complains when he meets with clients that spend their money on cars and trips and toys instead of buying a policy from him, when he blew his money on a car and a gaming PC when he had a steady-paying job. He has no problem having regular, circular fights with me yet won't ask his parents for help because "that would be awkward and I don't want to lose [his] father's respect". He's hurt that I don't trust his promises when he's barely kept any of them, from his graduation date to his bills to chores. He is too immature to see the larger picture, and because I've been enabling him to a fault, he has never needed to because the consequences don't fall on him. They fall on me.

Last night, I told him I'm not renewing the lease and am moving out by myself. He followed me around the house pleading with me and asking me questions... "How do you feel about me? What about us? Where will I go? What will it take for you to let me come with you?" Questions I have answered every. single. fight. Questions HE needs to answer because it's his loving life. I refused to answer them again and went to bed. He stood in the doorway and said that stupid Marilyn Monroe quote about not deserving people at their best if you can't handle them at your worst. I said he was totally allowed to feel that way and walk. He shut himself in the computer room and slept on the couch that night.

I can't believe he feels like I'm abandoning him after all I've done. He doesn't understand how hurtful it is when he tries to pay his half of rent and bills by spouting off platitudes about struggle and success. It makes me feel so loving disrespected and I have told him this every fight. And despite having this fight regularly, it's like he's not even listening to me. Why would he? I haven't made myself worthy of respect by being his financial doormat and not sticking to my boundaries. At this point, I feel he is using me as a safety net. He knows I won't let him or his dog starve so he doesn't make himself care about coming up with the money for food.

He is deluded by his optimism so much so that he breaks every optimistic promise he makes to me. He talks about how he thinks a client will buy an expensive plan, but then they get the cheap one and now he can't pay rent. He talks about how he met loads of people at a networking event, but only 3 call him back and he needs money to take them out. He says he's set to get 40% enrollment on a corporate contract, but only gets 11% so he can't pay for groceries this week. I used to think he was lying to me, but now I see he's lying to himself. He hasn't matured at all and grounded his expectations in reality because I've been standing in the way of it. Because of this, I don't trust him to give me a realistic end date to supporting him, because he'll probably be wrong about that too.

And now that I'm done being his Atlas and holding his world together, he's starting to panic. It bothers me SO loving MUCH that he didn't take me seriously until I let the hammer drop on him, as it should have been in the beginning. The irony is not lost on me that he's a broke financial advisor.

I miss the first six months of this relationship, when he had a job that paid well enough to cover up his financial immaturity. I could have taught him a few things that might have stuck instead of picking up ALL the slack and mommying the everliving gently caress out of him. I miss going to sit-down dinners and football games and movies with him. I miss the feeing I had a month after I met him, where I knew I would marry him. Now I'm not sure at all... I'm sad I love him. It's a burdensome tether instead of the inner flame it used to be.

And maybe this is my own fatal optimism speaking, but that guy is still there, buried underneath all this bullshit. He just has to grow the gently caress out of it and take his own risks to learn his own lessons. I can't even explain how badly I want the guy I met back. I'm tearing up writing this. I agreed to him moving back in this year because (according to him) he only needed a few more months to make it and be stable, and I wanted that for him so badly so we could go back to enjoying life together. My hope is hamstringing me, just like it's doing to him.

Can our relationship survive now that I'm seriously taking steps to insure it doesn't bankrupt me? Or am I being stupid in thinking anything will change? Will he move in with his dad and just get him to be the new enabler? What am I doing wrong that's preventing him from understanding how I feel?

tl;dr: BF's optimistic dreams about his job duped me into supporting 100% of his living expenses for over a year. I've had enough, and am moving out on my own so I can start saving again. He feels abandoned, I feel used. Is there a future for us at all?

quote:

[UPDATE] My boyfriend's [26M] optimism and immaturity almost destroyed me [25F] financially. I cut him off and now he feels abandoned. Is there any hope he'll grow up or am I being the immature optimist now?Updates
submitted 4 months ago by atlaslady

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4x9fu0/my_boyfriends_26m_optimism_and_immaturity_almost/

Well a lot has happened since I made my first post. I guess I'll address it sequentially, since that's how I'm operating right now, moment to moment.

After I made that post, I decided to truly cut him off. I changed the wifi password, froze the credit card I gave him, applied to close our joint accounts, and threw out any gifts I ever gave him. We were planning on attending a dork convention over Labor Day (in Atlanta, for those familiar with the con scene) that I had budgeted paying for both of us over a year ago. I told him he couldn't go unless he paid for his half of the hotel and tickets, $600. Not sure why I did this instead of shooting straight and admitting he was out of his gourd if he thought he could go... shouldn't have played any games but I'm kinda glad I did because he told me he'd have $1000 to me by the end of August. Over text too, in writing.

I was floored. Suddenly he can come up with money for a weekend of partying and a chance to reel me back in? I said I would apply that to August's bills, then he could start paying down the rest of the ~$25k he owed me for supporting him this past year before he could spend his money on luxuries like out of state vacations. This was over text, and he never responded, and slept on the couch again that night.

That was a Friday. Saturday morning, he left the house around 9am with his dog, leaving all of his crap in my house. I piled all of his and his dog's stuff under his desk and got rid of any pictures of him around the house. I blocked him everywhere but Facebook and text. I went to two rental house showings, loved one of them and the landlord, put a deposit down that day, went on multiple walks with my dog as well as a long trip to the dog park, and celebrated/vented/drank wine through Twizzlers with my next door neighbour and her boyfriend. Ex-BF never returned that night.

Sunday, I spent the day working on cosplays and outfits for the convention as well as goofing off with my neighbour and dog. It was lovely. I kept waiting for this wave of sadness and regret to hit me, but it never did. He had been out for 24 hours and his name wasn't on the lease - I texted him that his claim to residency was gone, and he needed to come get his things with 24 hours notice. He said he was coming that night. I said 24 hours notice. He agreed to Monday evening.

Monday, he picks up his stuff in his father's truck and gives me back the key. Hours after he left, he added a song to our shared YouTube playlist - "Say Something" by A Great Big World. I added "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles and "Too Good" by Drake, then removed his access to the playlist the next morning. Yay middle school communication methods.

Wednesday his best friend texts me like nothing is wrong. Thursday, I text my ex about when I can expect his check in the mail. He doesn't respond. Friday morning, I email him. At this point, as far as I can tell, he's gone no contact with me. I send him one last email a day later basically stating that, and he asks me to coffee Sunday night.

We met up for coffee. He never mentions repayment at all but in the discussion about our feelings, we both felt the same way about this: betrayed, abandoned, hurt, and distrustful of the other person. He felt I had lied when I said I was fine supporting him and basically insinuated that I wouldn't want to be repaid if I believed in us because otherwise I was actually loaning him money under the guise of love and setting him up to fail. When I realized he felt just as used as me because I cut him off from my money, I knew I was done. My stomach sank like a weight. I let him finish talking, then we parted ways. He asked if he could contact me, I said I needed a break.

The next day I emailed him about the $1000 he promised me and reminded him he never discussed repayment at our meeting. He didn't respond for days, then the day I was set to leave town for the convention, he replies saying the money was on the way. Cool, it can sit in my mailbox for 5 days while I'm out of state. Also, during this time he was telling mutual friends we were "going through a rough patch" yet my friends were finding him on Tinder and OKC.
I partied my tail off for the entire convention and when I came back, the check was in an un-postmarked envelope in my mailbox. I cashed it and sent him an email telling him such and asked that he use snail mail for future repayments instead of trespassing on my property when he knows I won't be home. I seriously wonder if he was looking for the spare key I left with the dog sitter... so creepy.

He replied to that email with some mushy "I love you and I know I hosed up" things claiming he is too nice and can't say no and his urge to help others makes him neglect himself and he needs to work on that. It was the most laughable apology on earth. "I was so nice and helpful that I couldn't stop myself from draining you of all your money and energy! My bad."

I replied "You broke my heart and my bank account. It will be a long time before they're both fixed, and my then I hope I won't be stupid enough to trust you with them a third time. I will be responding to emails about repayment, otherwise good luck with everything."

He replied, "If I could take everything back that I did, I would. I love you (name). With all my heart. I could have prevented it all. I could have taken action. But I let you slip away. And that'll be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I'm truly truly sorry for hurting you. I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted."

I moved out of the house we lived in to a similar one a few streets away. Moving helped keep me busy enough to not think about this. I threw out all our mementos and pictures and poo poo in the process so everything in the new place is all me. Just me. Now I'm settled in and it feels like it hasn't hit me that it's over. I thought I would be crushed, and there were some lonely moments at the convention that caught me up enough to need a cigarette, but I just feel humiliated. I don't even have the urge to check his Instagram, every time I see a picture of him it just reminds me of how stupid and naive I am for thinking he was my One. I'm also super distrustful of my feelings now because of that... it wasn't a question in my mind when I met him that we'd be together forever. I knew I wanted to spend my life with him, like my name, like a fact. I see cute people out or have great conversations but I have no desire for anything more because I feel like my feelings aren't trustworthy enough to merit acting on them. They led me so far astray last time...

But that's it I guess. It's over and life is going on.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

(Post about woman who went out with coworkers and coworkers texted husband she's in good hands).

She's getting torn into in the comments. Everyone is saying her story doesn't add up and she's leaving out details

ArbitraryC posted:

I kind of wonder if this is one of the first times he actually landed anything for himself. She's kinda vague in the intro about their openness and implies they had some threesomes and maybe e-dated around a bit but she doesn't really mention anything explicitly about him sleeping around. Then "out of no where" (in an open relationship? isn't this just expected) he tells her about a date and she immediately puts the kaibosh on it. Not only that but he goes straight to suggesting that if not this lady she's obviously not going to be okay with him dating anyone which wouldn't make sense as a complaint if she had already been okay with stuff in the past. This plus his obvious resentment that came out in the wake of things makes it kinda sound like it was a one sided open relationship for a while and then she changed the rules when he finally got lucky.

quote:

How many people did you have sex with in total during the open relationship and how many people did he have sex with?

Not many as far as I'm aware and for me outside of group things none.

Pick posted:

Subjunctive posted:

BTW:

Pick posted:

La Brea Carpet posted:

Themata posted:

Stealing dirty underwear in secret from anyone is creepy, even if a woman is doing it. Kinda strikes me as people think it isn't as creepy since women don't do it as much as men do it predominantly and there's a much stronger creep association with it (and goon dudes are like, I'd be flattered if a chick did that for me cause it probably means they wanna bang me!), but it feels like a similar business with people who see pedo female teachers and go "drat lucky boys/wish that was me " although obviously most goons here rightfully think it's hosed up, or those toolbags who are like "Why don't bitches take a compliment, it's not catcalling, I'd be happy if females did that to me".

Also, you should really only be sniffing underwear to check whether or not it's dirty and needs to be washed.

Mirthless posted:

It's really not the same.

1. The partner-seeking dynamic between men and women is different. Men have fewer opportunities and women are less likely to express direct interest. IMO if you are a guy you kind of already have to lower standards and have a wider range of what is and isn't acceptable from a partner.
2. It sounds like they're both goony as hell and have anxiety problems. He's probably clueless or too spaghetti to pick up on her advances or approach her, and she's probably too anxious and bound to the social contract to approach him. Stealing his underwear is gross, but...
3. It's not like women have the same propensity for sexual predation (or sexual violence, at the very least) in our society and the cultural context (smelling his scent vs SNIFFIN HER PANTIES) is wildly different even if it's exactly the same loving thing
4. They're grown adults who have known each other for years and seem to like each other at the very least

Andrast posted:

It's the same

Mirthless posted:

Sniffing someone's boxers: Exactly the same as pedophilia. OK.

Mirthless posted:

It's really not the same.

1. The partner-seeking dynamic between men and women is different. Men have fewer opportunities and women are less likely to express direct interest. IMO if you are a guy you kind of already have to lower standards and have a wider range of what is and isn't acceptable from a partner.
2. It sounds like they're both goony as hell and have anxiety problems. He's probably clueless or too spaghetti to pick up on her advances or approach her, and she's probably too anxious and bound to the social contract to approach him. Stealing his underwear is gross, but...
3. It's not like women have the same propensity for sexual predation (or sexual violence, at the very least) in our society and the cultural context (smelling his scent vs SNIFFIN HER PANTIES) is wildly different even if it's exactly the same loving thing
4. They're grown adults who have known each other for years and seem to like each other at the very least

I mean, if the genders were reversed where is the first place our thoughts would go: "Get the gently caress out of the house, before he sexually assaults you." -- Is this a concern in this scenario?

Andrast posted:

I meant that a woman sniffing someone's boxers is the same as a man sniffing someone's panties.

Themata posted:

I do agree that underwear stealing is a stretch to equate with pedophilia and sexual harassment, I was trying to say that in terms of things with societal double standards, underwear stealing is one of them I guess? It certainly isn't as bad, but it still makes me uncomfortable in the way the former two do, if that makes sense, and I'd definitely feel like a supercreep if I stole someone's used underwear. It mostly just boils down to something that'd make me uncomfortable or weirded out either way.

At the very least, all three scenarios are in some form, a violation of personal boundaries and/or illegal, and things you shouldn't do. Also as an extra question, what do goons who don't think of a woman stealing a man's underwear as the same as vice versa, think if it were a man stealing from a man, or woman from woman?

Themata posted:

You are the best goon on this forum.

quote:

As the title suggests... I have typed his out 3 times now but hasn't been approved

Long story short - I am pregnant about 10 weeks, I have an abortion booked but am having second doubts. I see my little girl regularly but my parents are in control and make this very hard at times, I had post Partrum psychosis and was trying my best to get help with her but was struggling bad and my parents took over, we have a good bond now.

Me and my partner have been together 10 months and we both don't think we are ready for this but he will stick by and support me whatever I decide to do, I don't know and need some advice!

Things I am scared about include messing everything up with my daughter and what work will say, me and my partner work together as well and have both recently been promoted. I feel I could cope this time round but am scared as I wanted to get my little girl back first however parts of me don't think I am ready...

TL;DR - pregnant, don't have custody of my daughter at the moment, life is going really well, booked in abortion but don't know if it's the right choice.

quote:

Yes using protection but obviously changing methods as the pill doesn't seem to have worked and I feel like I am doubting that decision now, I ant think clearly about the situation

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [22f] am pregnant, I don't know what to do, my partner [24m] will stick by me whatever I do but I don't have custody of my little girl [3], please advice!

Blue Train posted:

She needs to get it hoovered

Mirthless posted:

vvv


terminate with extreme prejudice, while you still can

quote:

So my husband is a Family Medicine doctor and he works at a hospital that requires him to do pap smears. He didn't warn me that he would have to do this when we got married. We have been married for almost one year. After we got married I found out that he is addicted to porn and it made me feel very insecure about myself. It has caused me to feel like every day I wake up is like walking in a nightmare that's worse than hell. I do not trust him to be around other woman and now that he's doing Pap smears, it has caused me to feel even more horrible about myself. The thought of him performing this on female patients has me very concerned since he is addicted to porn.

He specialized in Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine and it's considered hands-on-care. To me he seems very perverted to be specializing in a field like this. It seems like he only specialized in this to touch people and convince them that he can fix them. Unfortunately I think it's because he has a perverted mind.

We have fought so much since we got married. It always has to do with his obsession with women. He is really into MILFs and it's absolutely disgusting.

I'm wondering if I should divorce him and move on with my life. I don't think I can ever trust him.

tl;dr my husband is addicted to porn and he has to do Pap smears on his patients and I don't trust him because of his history with porn

quote:

He told me that he is addicted to porn and that he couldn't stop. He even showed me what kind of porn he was into. I nearly lost my mind when he showed me. I froze up and seriously didn't know how to answer him. He wanted me to watch it with him even when he knew I was not ok with this!

quote:

Look, he said he loves to watch it and he told me he has been addicted to it since he was a teenager. I don't know how else to tell you that he's addicted

quote:

He is clinically addicted. He told me he would stop and then he tells me he broke his promise and can never stop. He told me that even though he knows I'll leave him for doing this that he can't stop because he's an addict. Him being a doctor and diagnosing himself should be valid enough for this thread to believe he is addicted.

quote:

Yeah we did go to marriage counseling and addressed this issue. Since we are christians our counselors told us that I had every right to divorce him since he is commuting adultery. I can't even get to that point of actually divorcing him because I love him so much.

Well originally he only wanted to OMM as his career but was only able to land a job doing FP

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

This lady posted this thread yesterday (it got locked) and she just reposted it:

My (26 female) husband (30 male) is addicted to pornography
Some of her replies from yesterday: