WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Some of her replies from yesterday:

quote:

we are christians

Barudak posted:

Hey yo dont date people who take your clothes and hoard them. While it may seem like a romantic meet cute story to some of you, you need to parse out what decision making and communication skills that reflects.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

David,
I am disgusted by you. I am disgusted by what I saw last night. I am disgusted that you would have so little respect for the home I have built for us that you would do what you did last night. You do realize that we live in a neighborhood with families? Or do you? Do you understand what could have happened to you, to me, to us had you been seen by one of the neighbor's kids? I don't think you do. I truly don't think you do. Your cavalier attitude towards me last night instead of expressing any shame, any remorse or any shred of humanity only tells me that you don't understand the gravity of your poor choices. This is what you must do to start making this right: by the time I get home tonight you need to go around to all the neighbors and apologize for what you have done and offer to make whatever amends they demand. As for me, I will spend the day considering what you will do for me. I will see you when I see you.

Moridin920 posted:

just for peeing in his own drat lawn?

pffffffffff

Pick posted:

Men love pissing outside. They love it. They love it. This is one of the most harmless ways to let a man do that thing he loves (pissing outside).

I don't get it either, but they love it.

Barudak posted:

So if watching porn is committing adultery, is watching it with her opening up their relationship?

Also, look lady youre both crazy people, your counselor is crazy, and theres no hope for you all to have a normal outcome. You need to either start living like a King of the Hill character full time or just divorce him since your god apparently lets you do so.

quote:

I am a female in my mid-twenties (originally from California) wrapping up a summer internship on the east coast having the time of my life. I planned on having one last adventure in the city during my last weekend before returning home this Saturday, until my dad decided to fly me out halfway across the country to visit him where he works.

Backstory: My parents, who’ve been married for just over 30 years, are hardworking individuals and have raised us well. Much of the credit towards achieving the American Dream goes to my mom for flying halfway across the world away from their native country to land a job in the U.S., where my dad and two older siblings (who were toddlers at the time) eventually joined. After years of working up the corporate ladder, we’ve been living a comfortable upper-middle class lifestyle in California. Everything looks fine on the outside.

I'm the youngest of three and am extremely close to my dad, primarily because my mom (although very loving) has the tendency to nag and micromanage like crazy - a side of her my dad says caused them to grow apart over the years. Because of this, he was quick to accept a job offer out of state six years ago. A couple years before this, my mom suspected him of infidelity when she saw him frantically closing out tabs on the computer when entering their bedroom to the point of locking the door and demanding he fessed up to which he adamantly denied. Since then, they've continued as normal.

There was an incident in 2010 when my sister was in Vegas and dad was "in Phoenix on business"... until she saw him strolling along at Cesar's Palace with a younger and older woman (presumably the mother). When she confronted him about it a week later, he vehemently denied anything was going on and that the woman was “just a friend/coworker.”

Since moving out of state for work, his weekend visits became so sparse to the point where he barely comes every month – usually on Saturdays and leaves early Sunday mornings. Mom is under the impression this is all temporary and he'll be back permanently in due time, despite recently accepting another job offer in a different state (much further away) in the middle of the country. He admitted to me that he is much happier with his freedom (never having to report to her what time he's coming home, what he's up to, etc) and that he no longer loves my mom. She waits on him hand and foot when he actually is around while he treats her as a roommate. My siblings and I suspected him of dating other women/having second families with them because he was never short on excuses of why we couldn’t just fly up and visit him, why he couldn’t make it to my older sister’s wedding, etc.

Meanwhile, my gut feeling all these years have pointed to him having affairs but hoping he had stopped while I maintained distance from involvement. I tend to give him the benefit of the doubt because of how close we are, but this weekend took the cake. I assumed I would fly out to where he resides for work, anticipating a weekend of bonding time and sightseeing. When we met at the airport he said, “We’re going to meet some friends of mine, but don’t judge.” My stomach dropped. Don’t judge? I joked with my fiancée days ago about this but assumed he wouldn’t pull such a heavy stunt. But there we were, driving to the other woman’s house. “I met someone, and we’ll be staying with her. She has three kids (two of which are teenagers).” What the poo poo. I couldn’t stomach this clusterfuck, and to top it off, I knew I was going to be forced into being social with a family of strangers I don’t even approve of. I flew into bum gently caress Egypt for this.

After the awkward introduction, we all went out to lunch in the city, where there was continued awkwardness on the way there with forced dialogue (“IsAThrowAwayTho, why are you so quiet?”). It made me sick hearing this other woman say poo poo like, “Baby do you need cash for parking?”/”Are you okay honey?” While walking to the restaurant, my dad had the nerve to tell me to hold the 10-year-old girl’s hand while we crossed the street. I pretended not to hear him but he kept insisting. gently caress that, because who are these drat people. I was even more annoyed when we were alone at one point, and he told me to “talk more so that they get used to it.” No thanks, I refuse to play the big sister role to a bunch of strangers whose existence I just discovered an hour prior and act as if I condone your behavior. We walked to a nearby historical monument, where I was forced to take pictures with this family. “Smile, IsAThrowAway!” I found it weird the way he interacted with the kids, like he was trying too hard to tolerate them as a way of getting close to their mother. The little girl was trying to point something out at the monument but my dad kept brushing her off with, “Oh okay-okay, nice.” just to shut her up.

When my dad got up to use the restroom I asked how they met. “Online! He was just so funny and we Facetime’d before meeting…” It felt so hosed up hearing this lady gushing over my dad, who by the way, was no longer wearing his wedding ring.

We went back to the house with the intent to rest before dinner and I was told I’d be staying in the little girl’s room. Thinking I’d finally have a private moment to myself, I walked in only to see that the girl wasn’t going to leave. She sat in a chair in the corner playing games on a phone… while I was expected to nap/rest in her presence. I stepped outside to have a panicked phone call with my fiancée about all the awkwardness before mustering up the courage to talk to my dad. When I came back inside, I heard my dad call my name and followed his voice down the hallway, only to enter the bedroom of the other woman, where I saw them lying beside one another. “Is everything okay? Take a nap before we go out to dinner!” Yeahhh-NO. “Dad, can I have a word with you real quick?” I took him outside and told him how shocked I was being brought out here to encounter something I so strongly disapprove of, and his only reactions were to nod, tell me her understands, and say, “Okay. We’ll leave early tomorrow morning then [before the flight home].” He went back to the room to nap, and I felt like I was brushed off.

I needed an exit plan quick and neither Lyft nor Uber operate in this city. gently caress. I managed to find a cheap hotel deal for one night close to the airport and a taxi app, hoping the cab came quickly enough for me to sneak out. Just as it pulled up to the house, I grabbed my stuff, tip-toed to the front door thinking I was clear, and heard the lady from the kitchen say, “Is everything okay?” “Yeah, this was great. But I gotta go.” I sit in the back of the cab and just as I was about to pull up the address to the hotel, the cab driver told me to look up and I see my dad – eyes bloodshot, stifling tears. “Where are you going?! Why are you leaving?!” When I told him the situation made me uncomfortable to the point of getting a hotel room, he apologized to the cab driver and paid him cash, insisting he would take me instead. When we had a moment in the driveway, I echoed my previous sentiments of not wanting to be culpable in this mess. “Yeah, we should’ve gotten you a hotel room in the first place.” Uh, no… you should’ve never brought me out here, ever. “I knew you’d be shocked, but I was hoping you’d understand…” Wtf.

He was extremely apologetic on the drive to the hotel, saying he ruined my weekend. After he walked me to my room, we had a serious talk and I told him he needs to fix this before poo poo really hits the fan. I insisted they continue with their dinner reservation without me and he told me that it was for me, and that they would no longer be going. He ended the conversation with, “It would make me really happy to see you and have dinner with you tonight, it’s up to you. Text me, regardless of what you choose.” Come 7PM, I was torn between even seeing him again or going across the street to TGI Friday’s for buffalo wings, but I wanted to give him another chance. I told him, “I would like to have dinner with you, if and only if it is only you and me.” Assuming he’d pick me up for a father/daughter dinner date, he said, “I will bring you noodle stir fry, honey.” I chilled in my hotel room, waiting… and waiting… and telling my two older siblings about this ordeal, who were concerned with my safety and well-being. After about two hours, I told him not to come by anymore and that I’d take care of myself. “But I have food for you, do you want me to bring it? Cancel your order.” “Okay, fine.” Feeling guilty of rejecting him, I waited another hour. 10:15PM and he finally came by with what looked to be leftovers or takeout. I was angry at myself for being so forgiving when I was merely an afterthought while he was out treating his other family. The following morning when he dropped me off to the airport, he said, “I’m sorry this trip did not meet your expectations.” Well, no poo poo, you dropped a huge bomb on me.

Here’s the problem: My mom has no idea any of this is going on. I fly back home in California this Saturday; my dad plans on flying in, too. I was under the impression this would be the weekend he’d fess up, but he volunteered to help my older brother and his wife and baby move into their new apartment – my guess is he plans on coming clean to the family later in the weekend (if at all). My older siblings want to break the news to my mom either Friday or Saturday, likely before I arrive since my flight lands later afternoon. I’m grappling between even telling her because I’m trying to keep my distance from their marriage, but I feel it became my business from having involuntarily witnessed [evidence of] the affair firsthand. The fact that my mom can be a highly volatile person and my potential absence to help handle this as a family makes me uneasy and almost not looking forward to coming home. On top of all this, I begin school next Monday. So, the worst it still yet to come, because my mom’s reaction will be scary. Our rationale is that it would be better to brief mom on this to not only save ourselves from potential backlash (“If you knew, why didn’t you tell me?!?!”), but so that she doesn’t feel completely alone in all this (“if they knew and didn’t tell me, who else could I trust?”). My siblings have villainized the other woman, but I can't help but feel horrible for her - she thinks she is dating an honest man who is divorced and good to her children, and seemed excited to "finally" meet me because my dad often boasts about me. I can't rid myself of the guilt + feeling like I betrayed my dad's trust, despite him betraying the trust of the entire family.

I’m really sorry this was long but I’m panicking and I need insight. What is the best way to approach this while minimizing damage? What I really fear is my mom's volatility and her taking it out on us, especially me, having been a witness [and not telling her immediately].

TL;DR: Dad has been working out of state for five years and has had a couple affairs while mom has been at home, working, and totally oblivious. He flew me out halfway across the country to hang out with him before I finish my summer internship on the east coast and I was under the impression it’d just be the two of us chillin’, until he introduced me to his mistress and her three children and didn't tell me about until minutes before meeting them.
UPDATE (9/2/15):

Mom quit her high-paying job to invest herself in a business while I was away for the summer. Even before this, my dad has always been in charge of most of the finance while mom has been stashing away in savings. He pays the car(s), mortgage, etc.

Older sister spoke to dad a couple days ago and his words were, "You know how your mom will react. If she ever disrespects me, I will stop paying the mortgage, the cars, the phone bill. And if you say something, I will disown you and never come back" (As if that's any different than what's going on now...).

Before telling her (I already hate that this is being stalled), we are going to seek legal advice in order to protect my mom the best way possible. In the heat of the moment, it's easy to want to spill the beans, but that will result in very dire financial consequences for mom.

quote:

Older sister spoke to dad a couple days ago and his words were, "You know how your mom will react. If she ever disrespects me, I will stop paying the mortgage, the cars, the phone bill. And if you say something, I will disown you and never come back" (As if that's any different than what's going on now...).

Moridin920 posted:

lol he's gonna get his rear end torn into little tiny pieces in court

little
tiny
pieces

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

Dad [62] flew me halfway across the country to meet his mistress [~50+] AND her three children, who I didn't know of until minutes before meeting them.




I want to know what the gently caress this guy was thinking when he flew his daughter out there. Who in their right mind would think she'd be ok with this situation? And I honestly don't get why some dudes do the hidden second family thing. You spend all this time juggling and supporting two families who will both murder your lovely rear end when they they find out.

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

Dad [62] flew me halfway across the country to meet his mistress [~50+] AND her three children, who I didn't know of until minutes before meeting them.




I want to know what the gently caress this guy was thinking when he flew his daughter out there. Who in their right mind would think she'd be ok with this situation? And I honestly don't get why some dudes do the hidden second family thing. You spend all this time juggling and supporting two families who will both murder your lovely rear end when they they find out.

Blue Train posted:

How's she gonna call a lawyer with no phone

quote:

My friend [27F] is accusing me [24M] of being racist, what do I do?

I made a joke recently about customs. We have made jokes of this nature before, many times. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not racist at all. It is one thing that really bugs me, and I will defend anyone to the ground, if I feel they are subjected to it.

This comment was made in context, in a way to weaken the power of racism. I said "I am surprised you weren't stopped" as in the past she has mentioned she has had trouble with it.

Fast forward, we had a disagreement. I remained civil, did not swear, was very polite etc. Because I refused to "bite" she has been attempting to provoke me recently. This is her latest thing now, and we are definitely no longer friends. I am concerned that she will report this to my College, as we were on a field a trip at the time. I know this is a serious accusation to make, this is why I am concerned. She has shown over the past few days how malicious and conniving she can be. She made a point of bringing this up, and said something about seeking advice. In my opinion, she is threatening me with this, because she has nothing else on me.

TL;DR My friend is accusing me of being racist, when it has been taken out of context.

quote:

GF CHECKS OUT EVERY GUY

Me(23 yo) and my gf (20 yo) have been together for almost 1.5 years. I always catch her checking out other guys. It's pretty annoying. I've had this problem with her before and talked about it a few times.

Last week we were in Mexico; every guy that passed by her she had to look. I didn't want to be over her shoulder about this but it started ticking me off a bit.

I look at girls as well but never in front of my gf as I find it very disrespectful. I did once lose my my train of thought and got caught checking out a girl in our first month of dating. She did not leave this alone for the next two weeks.

Anyways back to our Mexico trip. There were 2 times where we were walking down the beach and my gf would be staring at a guy and the guy would look at me and say "sorry it's not me" and would point at my gf. I got very embarrassed by that happening and felt very disrespected.

That night when we were drunk I told her it bothered me that she looks at every guy. She told me she looks at everyone but for her safety to check out the size they are and how to protect herself in a situation. Now I understand what she means by that, but I don't understand why she does when I'm by her side. To me that's a bunch of crap.

The very next day we went on an excursion and she had her eyes glued to this one kid, making every excuse to look at him.

Still looking at every guy the rest of our trip and flight back home I was starting to lose my cool.

Last night I told her it bothered me again. I told her I know she's going to find other guys attractive but don't do it in front of me. She told me it's human nature to look. I told her that's true but it's not human nature to stare.

I told her if she would be okay if I check out every girls rear end in front of her, she told me it would bother her.

Hopefully she cools off with the looking at guys in front of me. If not I'm going to have threaten her with a breakup because it's very disrespectful to me.

Advice from Reddit on dealing with this.

Am I taking this out of proportion? Or is she not right for doing this? Is she getting bored of me? Because sadly I don't even see single girls stare the way she does.

Tl;dr gf checks out every guy; starting to lose my cool about it. Advice on how to deal with it

quote:

I [26F] am stereotypically better looking than my boyfriend [28M] of 8 months and people won't stop commenting on it

Just to be clear, the subject line is a summary of the problem, not my feelings about the situation or my perception.

Based on stereotypes about appearances, I am "attractive" and my boyfriend is "ugly." I won't go into detail describing our differences because I think it's childish. My problem is, people won't stop commenting on it and I don't know what to say when it happens. I also think it's interfering with my relationship.

I met Jack (28M) about a year ago, and pursued him from almost the moment I met him. He's funny, smart, creative, an amazing (amazing amazing) artist, and I personally find him extremely attractive. I'm not dating him in SPITE of his looks; I find the way he looks very sexy, and I tell him that all the time.

To his credit, he's come to terms with being 'ugly,' but since we started dating, people brazenly comment on the difference in our appearances constantly.

To me, people will say things about how it's sweet that women don't care as much about looks, how I probably got tired of dating 'hot' men because they're shallow/stupid/blah blah, how it's NICE of me to give him a chance, etc. I've had a few people (mostly other men) tell me that I can 'do better'. I have also had a couple of people ask me if he has a really big penis and if that's why I'm with him, one being a STRANGER at a wedding.

To him, they'll ask how he 'landed' me, say that they better watch out that someone better looking doesn't steal me, call us 'Beauty and the Beast,' say that I'm probably cheating on him, etc.

Aside from being incredibly rude and disrespectful, I think it's really wearing thin on him and dredging up old insecurities. He has had some bad relationships in the past, and he was also bullied pretty terribly growing up, and he's done a lot of work getting over those things. I'm afraid that the constant rude reminders from people are making him feel insecure again and he'll decide being with me isn't worth it.

Another problem is that I never know what to say when people say things like that to me. I always turn it into a compliment about how great Jack is, but I still feel like it isn't shutting people down. What can I say to people to make them realize how terrible they're being?

TL;DR: my boyfriend and I have disparate levels of attractiveness and people make rude comments about it to our faces. How to I keep this hurting him, and how do I successfully shut it down when people do it?

Gaunab posted:

Gaunab posted:

Yawgmoth posted:

I think that asking people "what the gently caress is the matter with you?" would convey all she needs to all involved.

Khorne posted:

205 at 6'1 is like your abs might be showing.

Gaunab posted:

Mirthless posted:

So what kind of unconventionally attractive feature does this guy have that she loves but other people think is repulsive?

Huge and/or broken nose? Horrible acne scars?

Charles Get-Out posted:

He's probably just chubby.

Charles Get-Out posted:

He's probably just chubby.

Antivehicular posted:

My first guess would be that he's hairy. People can give hirsute guys a lot of poo poo even if they're not otherwise unattractive.

Really, though, what does it matter? She likes him. Dude could be inscribed with the Seven Satanic Canticles in weeping scars all over his body and that still wouldn't give people the right to be an rear end in a top hat about her dating him.

Mirthless posted:

So what kind of unconventionally attractive feature does this guy have that she loves but other people think is repulsive?

Huge and/or broken nose? Horrible acne scars?

Gaunab posted:

Man Scanning

Gaunab posted:

Not a racist

Tiny Deer posted:

"Man, thirteen year olds are so dumb--

--oh."

Themata posted:

Hehe, your black but that copper who came to youre workplace last Sunday didnt shoot you on site hehe, racism has weekend, its power is starting to lose its hold in our realms


I thought this but for the post below about the GF WHO CHECKS OUT EVERY GUY. Even without the ages spoilered, it's hard for me to believe these are technical adults posting this poo poo.

Leon Einstein posted:

My MIL finds red hair, acne scars, and big noses attractive.

Mirthless posted:

I don't know, his girlfriend was staring at other dudes hard enough that two separate individuals approached him and apologized

Feels like a big enough problem to ask the internet about, though, honestly, I'd probably have just dumped her. If she's telling the truth about the fear thing she needs to but it honestly doesn't sound that way and if this guy isn't already being cheated on it's only a matter of time

Yawgmoth posted:

She's either cheating on him or she's been cheated on and taking out that insecurity on him, possibly both. Regardless, she's a terrible hypocrite and he should immediately.

quote:

Me [28 M] with my coworker [35 M], making sexual, racist jokes about my wife

I've been at the company i work for about 3 years now and everything's been fine until 2 months ago. My dept was merged with another and now I'm working with a guy called 'Todd'. The first few weeks were cool and I got to know him. Seemed like a decent guy. Then some weird poo poo started happening. We work out of a small field office so more often than not, there's only 4 people there at any given time, so it's pretty laid back. Lots of sports talk, ribbing etc. I'm fine with all of that, but Todd finds a way to make EVERYTHING sexual. It's always 'lets take off early and go gently caress some waitress!' or 'CelebrityX is so hot, id gently caress her til she squealed.'
I'm obviously not gonna post his pic, but imagine a cross between the O face guy from Office Space and Andy from the Office tv show. I just figured he was douchey but harmless. But the ribbing started crossing the line. He knows I'm married, so he's started making comments about our sex life i.e. 'going home to slam the missus?', 'running late? had to get that morning mattress workout in eh?' Whatever. Then I realize he's saying poo poo like this EVERY day. And it gets worse. A few weeks ago it turned into little scenarios about her cheating on me... 'I wonder what your wife gets up to when you're not home?' (she works fyi). And now, for the past week, it's turned racist. When we're alone in the office, he leans in and says poo poo like... "oh god, what would you do if you went home TONIGHT and found some friend of the family loving your wife. What would you do??"

I was stunned. We're both white guys. He's said a few hosed up things generally about Muslims and Mexicans lately but he's a big Trump supporter (literally everything is 'cant stump the Trump!' i.e. 'did you get that work order taken care of?' 'yup! can't stump the Trump!') so I've ignored it. I've just been deflecting it with other jokes like 'I'd tell your wife to take off the wig and get out.' When he's saying these things, he's not picking a fight, he's got some poo poo eating grin on his face the whole time. And when I said that back to him he cracked up.
After 3 days of this though I got fed up. My wife and I are a mixed couple, so I said 'can you cool it? It's not funny anymore and my wife is black.' In my experience, racists usually stfu when a face is put on the people they're insulting. Well, that just made things worse. Now since

Wednesday it's been stuff like
'do you think about all her exes loving her? With those big friend of the family dicks just RIPPING her apart??'
'gently caress, imagine how hard she choked on their black cocks.'
'I bet she goes back to the ghetto to get her some when you're asleep' (my wife's family is probably better off than mine were btw and lived in a nice area)

I told him to leave it alone, but its as if me being annoyed by it is only making it funnier for him. I left early on Friday just to cool off. I'm a big guy (6'5, 260) but I HATE confrontation. I prefer to walk away from a fight than agitate one. When I was in college I got jumped with some friends and I ended up putting 2 of the guys in hospital. It doesn't matter who starts it, I don't wanna feel like that again unless it's self defense for my families lives. And I really don't want to hit this guy because I'd kill him.

I obviously haven't brought this up with my wife, she'd be mortified. And now the clock's ticking. The company are doing a Cinco de Mayo thing where all the families are invited and the idea of him leering at my wife after saying all that poo poo makes me feel sick.
Should I let this ride out and expect he'll move on to something else or do I need to contact HR? Here are my concerns...
He only does it when we're in the office by ourselves, so no witnesses

He's worked for the company for over a decade.
I've said some jokes back to him (though nowhere NEAR as bad), so he can turn it into a 'we were both messing around' thing
I would want to speak to them in person, but the HR is an hour away by car
How the gently caress do I even write this poo poo in an email?
I've never had to go to HR for anything in my life

And as silly as it sounds, I don't like the idea of getting the guy fired. He has a wife and three kids that depend on that paycheck but I'm at my wits end with this. It's Sunday night and for the first time in this job I'm actually irritated that I have to go to work tomorrow.

tl;dr: Coworker making sexual, racist jokes about my wife and won't stop. Why is he so obsessed with race and cheating? Should I go to HR about this?

UPDATE: Todd didn't show for work today because apparently he was too drunk to make it home from Wrestlemania. I've had the office to myself for most of the morning, so I've been taking in the great suggestions. I also spent about an hour on the phone with my older brother. I basically told him everything. He considers my wife to be the best thing that ever happened to me, so to say he was livid is an understatement.

He and you guys opened my eyes to how bad this really is. I thought I could talk my way out of this, but I can't see a future working with Todd. The time for talking has passed, I've told him multiple times to stop over the past few weeks and he hasn't. I need to compile a list of everything that's happened so far and then go to HR. I've made an appointment and booked off Thursday to drive up.

As an aside, my brother thinks him being a Trump supporter has more to do with this than I knew. Apparently there's some weird thing some of them have with black men trying to sleep with their wives. It's called 'cucking' and he says you see it a lot on social media. Is Todd's wife doing that to him? Is that why he's obsessed with it? Either way, it's not my problem anymore. He can have that conversation with HR.

La Brea Carpet posted:

In honor of Inauguration day

quote:

UPDATE: Todd didn't show for work today because apparently he was too drunk to make it home from Wrestlemania. I've had the office to myself for most of the morning, so I've been taking in the great suggestions. I also spent about an hour on the phone with my older brother. I basically told him everything. He considers my wife to be the best thing that ever happened to me, so to say he was livid is an understatement.

He and you guys opened my eyes to how bad this really is. I thought I could talk my way out of this, but I can't see a future working with Todd. The time for talking has passed, I've told him multiple times to stop over the past few weeks and he hasn't. I need to compile a list of everything that's happened so far and then go to HR. I've made an appointment and booked off Thursday to drive up.

As an aside, my brother thinks him being a Trump supporter has more to do with this than I knew. Apparently there's some weird thing some of them have with black men trying to sleep with their wives. It's called 'cucking' and he says you see it a lot on social media. Is Todd's wife doing that to him? Is that why he's obsessed with it? Either way, it's not my problem anymore. He can have that conversation with HR.