/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

his ex was like a D1 body with a D3 face and Big East Boobies, this is 1982 fiesta bowl all over again

B1G Boobs

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:50

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# ? May 14, 2024 07:24

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Military dad needs to dress up as batman, show up to the house and explain why daddy has to go away to fight criminals or whatever

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:51

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

WoodrowSkillson posted:

B1G Boobs

She was so SECexy.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:53

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

My grandmother was a tough, tough, tough lady. And her husband was a "free spirit" type who died in his 40s. She was stern to a fault and I never saw her display any unguarded emotion, except one time when I said it must have been hard to be the "responsible" parent, the one who always has to say no and keep things in line. And she said, "You're right, it's not fair

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:53

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Antivehicular posted:

Yeah, the dude sounds like a straight-up shithead, especially given that he's openly lying to his 3-year-old.

On the subject of shithead dads:

My [26F] husband [28M] always leaves it up to me to tell our kids (3M, 3M, 5F) No. Then likes to call me the party pooperNon-Romantic
submitted 11 hours ago by Husbandisbeog

buzz joy, lol

this loving manchild. i'm sure he'd be pissed, too, about having to have his kids sleeping in his bed with them for the next four months while they have nightmares because of the zombie game he absolutely had to inflict on them.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:54

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Military dad needs to dress up as batman, show up to the house and explain why daddy has to go away to fight criminals or whatever

Radical Islamic Terror.

Say it.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 21:55

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Ahhh military families. As long as they exist, r/relationships shall flow.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:02

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

lol at asking marriage permission from a father in 2017

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:08

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Demon Of The Fall posted:

lol at asking marriage permission from a father in 2017

Especially when you actually have a huge-rear end red flag like six figures of debt that you haven't told your partner about! The ask-the-dad tradition is dumb and patronizing, but if you have to do it, you should probably make sure it's gonna be a slam dunk, you know?

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:10

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

Antivehicular posted:

Especially when you actually have a huge-rear end red flag like six figures of debt that you haven't told your partner about! The ask-the-dad tradition is dumb and patronizing, but if you have to do it, you should probably make sure it's gonna be a slam dunk, you know?

yeah I can just see the dude's face after asking and hearing no. now what is he gonna do? he can't go ask the girl because by then she's already talked to her dad. dude should just accept he's never going to get married with debt that large unless he meets someone with just as much and they don't give af

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:12

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

TheScott2K posted:

Radical Islamic Terror.

Say it.

I...I don't want to :qq:

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:15

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Buckle up, buckaroos

quote:

This one is going to require an open mind but I'm happy to hear all advice. I (35f) do not love my husband (28m) of 8 years in any way. I only stay with him for the health insurance for my two kids. I mistakenly told my sister (30f) and she wants to tell him. Do I preempt her with another lie?

I realize I'm not going to get a lot of sympanthy in this post, but there is no way I can afford to lose my husband so I have no plans to leave him and will continue to let him believe whatever until either my kids (17m and 15f) are 26 and need to go off his health care and even longer if I can.

Background, David is a nice guy. He really is but he's very socially awkward and introverted. He's a hard worker who has a small but very successful one man IT consulting business (I also do his books and draw a very generous salary). I met him when we did his books his first year of being in business. I sensed immediately that he was lonely, had no experience with women and was a ripe "target." At the time, I was a part time bookkeeper with two soon to be teenagers with no health care and absolutely zero chances of improving my place in life, so I basically pounced on him like a lioness and within 2 months of knowing him, we were married.

I am very good at making him feel loved, but I'm a very good liar. He would never know it, but I have had a few affairs with men I'm genuinely attracted to and have been great at concealing that as well. I've also lied about my ability to have kids (I had a tubal ligation after my daughter was born) and despite David desperately wanting children of his own but he is willing to stick with me.

All of this is fine and I think I'm very happy living a happy lie rather than the sad truth. The horrible thing came when I got a little bit drunk on wine and David had frustrated me by asking for love making too much and I confessed to my sister (usually my best friend in the world) everything about my feelings.

She says I have a month to come clean to David or she is going to tell him everything. I have begged and pleaded with her, told her it was just frustration and wine talking but she is standing firm.

I see my only option is to preemptively lie to David and tell him that I have had a falling out with my sister and will never speak to her again (which i could do) and that whatever she says is now suspect and can't be believed.

I would love to hear any other options as to how to get around or out of this situation.

Thank you in advance for reading and your advice.

tl;dr: I do not love my husband and confessed as much to my sister. She is now planning on telling him everything and I need to find a way to either deny her the opportunity or deflect the truth if she does.

Hoping this is a troll, but she's doubling down in the comments. It's all about the ~insurance~ for her and her kids.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:18

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

she's a loving piece of poo poo

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:19

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

That poor dumb nerd.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:20

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

it's not too often that you get to see an irl sociopath grin and lay their cards on the table like the joker, wtffff

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:21

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

TheScott2K posted:

Radical Islamic Terror.

Say it.

Hey now you don't know.

Maybe he's part of the military force that's been continuously occupying various Asian and European nations since the end of WWII? Not everyone gets deployed to fight our never ending Middle Eastern proxy war with Russia.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:22

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

La Brea Carpet posted:

Buckle up, buckaroos

Hoping this is a troll, but she's doubling down in the comments. It's all about the ~insurance~ for her and her kids.

That has to be a troll, that woman is the personification of every MRA fear.

Like, "nice socially awkward IT worker" is basically pure Reddit bait.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:25

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

La Brea Carpet posted:

Buckle up, buckaroos

Hoping this is a troll, but she's doubling down in the comments. It's all about the ~insurance~ for her and her kids.

It's probably a troll, Reddit hates women and this lady is so contemptible that it's hard to believe she's real

Who the gently caress would admit this in a place like Reddit? Seriously, she would have had to know what response she was going to get.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:25

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

La Brea Carpet posted:

Buckle up, buckaroos

Hoping this is a troll, but she's doubling down in the comments. It's all about the ~insurance~ for her and her kids.

At least the sister seems like a decent human being :unsmith:

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:26

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

WampaLord posted:

That has to be a troll, that woman is the personification of every MRA fear.

Like, "nice socially awkward IT worker" is basically pure Reddit bait.

lol yeah exactly

This is some dude writing Bitches and Whores fanfiction because it makes him feel better about himself

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:26

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Not to mention what would be the point of asking for advice? The mercenary personality knows what to do.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:27

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Charles Get-Out posted:

Hey now you don't know.

Maybe he's part of the military force that's been continuously occupying various Asian and European nations since the end of WWII? Not everyone gets deployed to fight our never ending Middle Eastern proxy war with Russia.

The post said he was going across the country. So likely going to California to protect 18 year old recruits from boredom.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:27

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Yeah I don't like crying troll every opportunity but this is definitely it.

I mean she tells us details that have no bearing on her problem that make her look worse.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:29

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

CharlestheHammer posted:

I mean she tells us details that have no bearing on her problem that make her look worse.

Yea if she actually wanted advice she wouldn't mention the affairs at all.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:30

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

La Brea Carpet posted:

Buckle up, buckaroos

Hoping this is a troll, but she's doubling down in the comments. It's all about the ~insurance~ for her and her kids.

People like her are where entire cities' worth of people with trust issues come from.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:30

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Red Pill actively trolls r/relationships for "research" purposes and that thread fits that bill.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:31

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

TheScott2K posted:

Red Pill actively trolls r/relationships for "research" purposes and that thread fits that bill.

what a bunch of morons

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:32

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Pick posted:

what a bunch of morons

I'm tempted to post something in support of the OP just to see if it results in a TRP thread.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:35

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

duhhh i love stealing money and semen and also i steal from a wonderful nerd man and i suck all the cocks

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:35

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

There's a subreddit called pussypassdenied and it's all about smug redditors posting about drat women's getting their comeuppance :jerkbag:

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:35

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

TheScott2K posted:

I'm tempted to post something in support of the OP just to see if it results in a TRP thread.

Tell the OP that it sounds like if their husband can't take charge that he probably needs gender reassignment and watch Red Pill heads explode.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:36

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

I [16M] spilled warm water on my brothers [16M] crotch as a prank. Mom is furious because it was warmer than I thought it was.

quote:

My younger brother and I like to play pranks on my twin. He's always kinda serious because of his football and martial arts. He tends to soften up when he's talking to our older sisters. They all love the same stuff, game of thrones etc. About 40 minutes ago he got home and laid down on the sofa. He was texting his girlfriend I think and he fell asleep. I had a cup of coffee I forgot to drink. My brother and I had the idea to pour it on his crotch to make it look like he wet himself.

He woke up and he cursed at us. I heard him on the phone to our dad and asked to speak to our step mom. I heard him telling her what happened. He got off the phone and he said to us "Move or be moved." My younger brother was being a smart rear end. My twin shoved him over. He went downstairs and my actual mom drove in. He got in the car.

She sent us a text just know saying "You two idiots better make the most of your belongings. You'll be lucky if I don't throw them into the ocean." She's at the ER with our brother and he burnt his dick apparently. Help

tl;dr: Prank went wrong and burnt brothers dick. Moms pissed. Help

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:44

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [16M] spilled warm water on my brothers [16M] crotch as a prank. Mom is furious because it was warmer than I thought it was.

'Warm water' =/= 'cup of coffee', kiddo.

These pranksters always downplay their hilarious pranks in the titles for someone reason, huh?

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:49

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Pick posted:

Tell the OP that it sounds like if their husband can't take charge that he probably needs gender reassignment and watch Red Pill heads explode.

holy poo poo

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:51

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

In before the McDonald's coffee lawsuit derail.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:51

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [16M] spilled warm water on my brothers [16M] crotch as a prank. Mom is furious because it was warmer than I thought it was.

If it was that bad, he should have been screaming incoherently.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:52

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Mirthless posted:

buzz joy, lol

this loving manchild. i'm sure he'd be pissed, too, about having to have his kids sleeping in his bed with them for the next four months while they have nightmares because of the zombie game he absolutely had to inflict on them.

I've been playing RE 7 and I know the scene she's talking about. A police officer trying to understand a confusing and dangerous situation is ambushed from behind while your character ineffectually tries to warn him at the last second. Dude gets his head sliced through diagonally and all gooey up in your face by "Papa," the inhumanly strong father of the crazy swamp cult that has you captured. Totally appropriate for children.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:53

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

We need to have a national conversation about pranking.

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:55

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

WampaLord posted:

In before the McDonald's coffee lawsuit derail.

Well you see, she actually had 3rd degree burns and therefore......

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:55

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# ? May 14, 2024 07:24

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

quote:

I [18F] am in a long-distance online relationship with [32M] and now that I've met [18M] it's become an uneasy three-person polyamory. How do I resolve it?

Over the summer I started my very first relationship with a 32 year old man I'd met online, who I'll call J. When we first met, he became attracted to me very quickly; we had the same incredibly rare macrophilia fetish, as well as bdsm, and we shared interests in fiction and creating. I responded to flirting and attraction and he soon announced we were in a relationship.

We continued for over six months which I can say were some of the best I've had. We shared stories, personal lives, watched movies, played games together, and explored sexuality. We did have a lot of conflict over values and a couple of times I wanted to leave, but he was patient throughout and we formed a very intimate relationship, with lots of affection, caring, and support. Nearly every day he would tell me of his love and it felt like home. Still, it felt like I didn't really like J for who he was, like I was only motivated by selfish interests and the attention I liked from him, rather than him as a person. We got into a lot of arguments about how much sexual content I should be sending him, and sometimes I got too timid to communicate well and it led to a lot of frustration. It's definitely an effect of the age difference, the amount of sexual activity one expects. Sometimes I told myself I'd leave eventually and find someone different. He tells me that even if I never love him the same way, he'd still stay with me because he wants no one else.

Through November and December, I met someone my age, who I'll call C, who had a crush on me for a while and I'd never known. We shared a mutual attraction, through similar personalities and many common interests. C is incredibly sweet and respectful, a lot like me, and all around a very decent fella! It's mid-to-late January now. I thought maybe a regular in-person relationship with someone my age, who I shared many more interests with, would be healthier. I thought it would be the end of me and J for sure, but to my surprise, J was okay with it. He had a voyeur fetish and told me that I could date other boys without any jealousy or resentment on his part, provided he be able to listen in on us in the form of audio recordings, pictures, and video. J was fine with hiding this from C, but I didn't feel that would be right.

I filled C in on all the details of the agreement as well. C said "I completely understand that it would be terrible to leave a six-month long relationship for only four days." The whole situation came together so smoothly I almost couldn't believe it. Then began the hesitant, tense polyamory relationship which ran surprisingly well. As J put it, "being with me makes you happy, being with him makes you happy, so have both."

As time went on, nearly a month, I felt this poly relationship was me being incredibly unfair and selfish, especially to C who showed visible signs of being uncomfortable with being recorded during private time together. He was so understanding, to be able to accommodate my relationship with J and I felt I was taking advantage of that. I felt stuck between balancing everyone's needs and that it would fall apart eventually. I grew closer to C, finding that we were more compatible people and I just liked C more. But was that just new relationship energy? Teenage idealization and infatuation?

During the last three weeks, I essentially threw J to the side and didn't communicate it well. I neglected to send J much of the content he wanted, including sexual content, recorded activity, and neglecting to spend much time with him in favor of C. I was too afraid and a coward to tell J much of how I felt, so the weeks were filled with broken promises again and again. He was filled with hurt and anger. It culminated in a fiery breakup where J swore to erase all memories of me and cursed me out in a way I had never seen him do before.

I didn't want a seven-month relationship to end in that way. It tore me apart, but sure enough J came back the next day offering me a way to make amicable peace- give him all the voyeur content he wants, and he'd be perfectly happy to lie in the background. He's told me he loved me from the very beginning, and I believe it. As long as I treat him well and follow the terms of the agreement, he'd stay with me and form a future together. He says a teenage relationship is guaranteed not to last for very long and if I want the security and comfort he offers me, then stick to the agreement.

But that feels terribly wrong to me, and would drive me and C apart. I have such a fear of letting go, especially a relationship that lasted so long. It feels like home, and trying to end it feels like breaking off a part of me. I've been incredibly selfish to nearly everyone involved, but they're so understanding. It was my first relationship, but did I fear losing J or just the comfortable relationship we had? Am I throwing away a long-term stable relationship based on love for something exciting and temporary? I'm young, feel free to ask any question and/or tell me anything I've done is incredibly stupid.

tl;dr: I am in a long distance 6-month relationship with nearly a 15-year age gap, met someone my age who seems much more compatible, and now I've entered into a thorny yet fully consensual three-person polyamorous agreement..how do I resolve it?

edit: formatting for readability

# ? Jan 25, 2017 22:57

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