/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Still in the wrapper? Girl I say give him a real bloody show

# ? Jan 28, 2017 18:41

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# ? May 28, 2024 22:58

Waterbed Wendy: Jan 29, 2009

Bake red velvet cupcakes. Don't put any menstrual blood in them. Imply heavily that you did after he's eaten a few.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 18:45

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Waterbed Wendy posted:

Bake red velvet cupcakes. Don't put any menstrual blood in them. Imply heavily that you did after he's eaten a few.

I don't know if I'd play games like this with a guy who dates people 15 years younger than him, liable to end up chained up in his sex dungeon

she should :sever:

and ghost him imo

# ? Jan 28, 2017 18:58

Marius Pontmercy: Apr 2, 2007; Liberte
Egalite
Beyonce

Get blood all over his bathroom and then ghost him.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 19:40

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Lonely Virgil posted:

[Oregon] My dad has not been in my life for 14 years. He want's to see if I am a successful applicant for something for one of his kids. He told me I'm legally obligated. Is this true?

Give up your organs for the kid I actually wanted, kthx.

Had a friend whose dad was a real, real piece of work. He abandoned my friends mother with her two children to run away to mexico and be wtih someone else. After 20 plus years of silence and 0 support my friend gets a letter from his dad, which is like multiple pages long, that with his son from his current relationship now deceased from a motor cycle accident and only daughters remaining from his new spouse and my friends older brother being gay, my friend is now the only one left to carry on his dads family name. The rest of the letter was pages of behavoirs and expectations from the father and what kind of woman the friend should impregnate.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 20:16

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

Note: a metamour is the 'partner of your partner, who you do not have a sexual or romantic relationship with'

meta issue: she's angry at me and pretending we don't know each other at events and it's awkward af

quote:

Boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 7 months. We're serious partners: I love you, regular date night, shared calendars, we're making plans that are several months in the future etc. I get along great with his wife. I get along great with the ex who is still in his life. I get along great with most of his casual partners. Except for one casual partner.

She has serious issues: autism, PTSD, continual crises and dramas, doesn't have custody of one of her kids. Whatever, she didn't seem to be unkind so I was quite friendly with her for the first six months that we were friends. I've always been very understanding and compassionate; I've talked her down from some serious freakouts, sat with her during an overdose, gave her thoughtful advice on dealing with her other partner and metas (she struggles with her metas with her most serious partner, who isn't our shared partner) etc.

Christmas can be a bit of a struggle for me. My kid was with his dad this year, which means that he was thousands of miles away for the holiday. My live-in partner was visiting family out of state. I kind of wanted to spend the day watching Netflix, but I knew meta really wanted people to visit her and her daughter. So I gathered all my spoons and went over.

Boyfriend and his wife were there also. I thought we had a great visit. At one point meta wanted to play some music that has a strong connection to my ex and his family, and I had a reaction. I explained that I don't like that band because it was a favorite of my ex's family, and described how uncomfortable I felt at one of their concerts surrounded by wealthy conservative older people. But other than that few minutes, we had a great conversation. I actually stayed over when I meant to leave because I was really enjoying myself.

Then meta posted a thing on Facebook about people who shame you for your interests, with an added comment about how that was a thing she was working on. I thought she meant that she was going to be more accepting of others because she really needs for people to have the same interests as she does and (for example) often expresses disappointment in her daughter's lack of interest in "geek culture." I made a comment that I thought that would be a good parenting move. That's when I found out that the post was directed at me, and that she'd interpreted everything I said about my ex and his family as criticism aimed at her.

So I explained a bit more in-depth about my feelings regarding my ex, who she knew had been violent. I mentioned that he'd sexually assaulted me on Christmas eve. I reiterated that I held no judgement towards her musical taste, and I just didn't want to be reminded of my ex and felt triggered by the strong association I have between this band and his family. She had no understanding or compassion and doubled down on being angry at me. Boyfriend read the exchange and was of the opinion that meta was being unkind.

Ever since then, when I've run into her at events, she pretends that we don't know each other. Like, she usually looks through me rather than at me, and never says more than an uncomfortable hi. It's getting super awkward. Last weekend boyfriend and I spent date night at a party she also attended, and he had to divide up his time with us because we can't all hang out together and that just felt awkward af. This week at a different event, she kept putting herself in my space: sitting at the other end of the couch, choosing a seat directly across from me, coming into the kitchen when I was there talking to her partner who has been my friend for 6 years.... and not talking to me. She's not made any attempt to approach me and work things out. She's just... ignoring me.

I feel incredibly hurt. When I was in a situation where her strong association with an ex could have been a bummer to me I wasn't selfish about it; I was understanding and felt bad for her. And the one time I need some incredibly minimal support she gets angry at me, angry enough that we don't appear to be friends any more.

What the gently caress? How do I deal with this? She's gotten involved in a big part of my social circle, and I've been friends with her most central partner for several years. Sometimes I run into her twice a week and it's rare that I go more than two weeks without being at at least one event with her. So I really need for this to stop.

Diagnosis: says 'OMG I hate drama!' on a regular basis.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 20:27

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Pvt.Scott posted:

I might throw twenty messages at someone in a day if we're having a convo, otherwise, probably more like twenty a week, excluding group chat, natch.

Yeah, seriously. I live with my girlfriend and we exchange maybe 20 text messages per week and probably less on average. The last time we texted that much was when we were first dating. The fact that whiny dorky rear end dork is crying over his "girlfriend" texting him only 20 times per day is insane. He should be lucky that she hasn't blocked his number (or worse!), considering she all but broke up with him ages ago.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 20:28

Barudak: May 7, 2007

I literally can't figure out how many people are in this story about metamours. Like it seems like everybody has another boyfriend or wife or something and I'm beginning to wonder if literally every person in a polyamarous relationship in the US is in the same one, like some Gestalt relationship.

Do you think the relationship could become self aware, assuming loving/not loving are equivalent to 1/0 on a computer?

# ? Jan 28, 2017 20:31

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Barudak posted:

I literally can't figure out how many people are in this story about metamours.

Same, I lost track like 2 paragraphs in.

Where do these people find the time to have so goddamn many sex partners?

# ? Jan 28, 2017 20:34

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

Tiny Deer posted:

Note: a metamour is the 'partner of your partner, who you do not have a sexual or romantic relationship with'

meta issue: she's angry at me and pretending we don't know each other at events and it's awkward af

Diagnosis: says 'OMG I hate drama!' on a regular basis.

How fat are these people

# ? Jan 28, 2017 20:38

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

Tolkien minority posted:

How fat are these people

When they sleep around they really sleep around

# ? Jan 28, 2017 20:44

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

WampaLord posted:

Same, I lost track like 2 paragraphs in.

Where do these people find the time to have so goddamn many sex partners?

Poly folks are super nerdy the bulk of the time so they don't have any real hobbies they have to schedule time around. Instead it's how many people can love (gently caress) because more is better no matter what.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 20:52

Stan Taylor: Oct 13, 2013; Touched Fuzzy, Got Dizzy

What the gently caress is a meta

# ? Jan 28, 2017 20:55

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

Metamour and kids moving in

quote:

Hi all,

Brief background: Me (26F) am part of a poly triad, primary partner is 38M, my metamour is his wife of thirteen years, 31F. I have one child from a previous relationship, they have four kids together. 38M and I have been together for three years, and he financially supports us all (I work as a freelance writer but make nowhere near enough money to pay for my own rent and expenses, and I don't have enough post-secondary education to get a 'real' job).

Recently 38M lost his second job (which basically paid for my rent and most of my groceries etc), and so we all agreed that the smartest thing to do financially is for 31F and the kids to move in with me here in Canada (they live in the US). 38M will stay in the US to work, pay off debts, and look for a higher paying job.

Keep in mind that I live in a 2 bedroom apartment, and while 31F and the kids have stayed with me for a couple months at a time before, it was always temporary and I could look forward to having my space to myself again in the future. This time, though, the understanding is that because of our financial situation, this arrangement will have to continue for around 6 months (until 38M has paid off his debt and we can afford to move into a bigger place).

So... while we all agreed on this together, as a matter of necessity... I'm feeling very ambivalent about it all. I love my metamour and the kids, but my apartment has been my "safe space" throughout various poly related issues and conflicts, and I can't help feeling defensive about having that taken from me.

Support, advice, etc. would be appreciated to help process the transition... thanks!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU loving MUPPET

Further context: her post history reveals his boyfriend's wife loving haaaates her. Also their kids are unhappy when they spend time with each other. But I'm sure moving in together will fix it!

Also: they are either fat or rail thin.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 20:55

Lonely Virgil: Oct 9, 2012

Tiny Deer posted:

Note: a metamour is the 'partner of your partner, who you do not have a sexual or romantic relationship with'

meta issue: she's angry at me and pretending we don't know each other at events and it's awkward af

Diagnosis: says 'OMG I hate drama!' on a regular basis.

Goddamn how many people are in this relationship.

Tiny Deer posted:

Metamour and kids moving in

WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU loving MUPPET

Further context: her post history reveals his boyfriend's wife loving haaaates her. Also their kids are unhappy when they spend time with each other. But I'm sure moving in together will fix it!

Also: they are either fat or rail thin.

I am willing to bet she has never met face to face with this guy.

Lonely Virgil fucked around with this message at 20:58 on Jan 28, 2017

# ? Jan 28, 2017 20:56

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Tiny Deer posted:

Metamour and kids moving in

Are we sure these people aren't in a cult?

Also, 0 percent chance the man left in America doesn't pick up a third ~~wife~~ paramour(?) while left to his own devices.

Edit: What the hell does this guy do for a living that he works 2 jobs but can also support 7 dependents? It has to be a cult, goddamn.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:00

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

Oh, they've met and had sex. It's during those times his wife texts them incessantly until they respond to her, triggering meltdowns that last for days.

She's fine with their relationship, though. Really.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:00

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Why don't these people, let me get controversial here, have an ordinary monogamous relationship and not have to deal with the absurdity of sanity-shattering drama every single day of their lives? :psypop:

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:07

Gerblyn: Apr 4, 2007; "TO BATTLE!"; Fun Shoe

Tiny Deer posted:

Metamour and kids moving in

They married when he was 25 and she was 18...

Also, what kind of guy says "Sorry honey, I've just lost my second job so I have to sell our house. But don't worry, you and the kids and go to Canada and live with my mistress!"

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:09

Sydney Bottocks: Oct 15, 2004

I thought nothing could top "berth ell pup" guy for sheer craziness, but these "metamour" stories are coming pretty drat close, please post more :allears:

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:11

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Oh you want crazy open relationship setups I got one.

My friend who is engaged to a dude decided recently she is going to start dating her fiance's sister's fiance also.

I will update the thread when this goes off like the ticking time bomb it is.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:14

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

It's a pretty slick trick to convince your wife she's a bigot if she doesn't let you have a mistress, you have to admit.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:15

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

2 year relationship vetoed by meta

quote:

I'm looking for help, advice, kind words, almost anything at this point. I was the secondary to the love of my life, who I dated for two years. His primary, my meta, was a casual acquaintance of mine... we never hung out very much, but I respected her very much, and was thrilled that she made someone I cared about as happy as she did.

From the beginning, the biggest rule their relationship had in place, aside from practicing safe sex, was "don't fall in love". If I'd known then what I know now, I'd never have gotten involved. poo poo happens. Over a period of two years, going on dates once a week, we fell for each other, hard. We had a very frank discussion about what to do, and decided that we'd tell his primary and try to continue to work things out between the three of us. Neither of us "consciously" fell in love with the other, it certainly wasn't a decision we made, but it happened and we wanted to be open and honest and communicate what was going on. I didn't want to see him more often than I was already seeing him, and I didn't want to take anything away from her that she had. We both thought she'd at least be willing to discuss things and that we'd all find a way for the three of us to be comfortable with where we'd landed.

Instead of trying to work things out, or even meeting with me, she issued an ultimatum: it was me or her. He of course chose her and cut contact. That was six months ago.

Four months ago, he reached out to me, saying that she was "allowing" him to talk to me "as friends". We had a few coffee dates in the following weeks, but every date ended in tears, and feelings of hopelessness and despair - we both still love each other very much, and sitting across the table from him, not being able to touch him when he's telling how badly he wants to hold me and be intimate with me again is completely, utterly devastating. Their relationship is still open, no changes to the rules, and while there used to be a time when I enjoyed talking to him about the other girls he was seeing, it feels like a knife in the heart, knowing that I'm the only woman he's not allowed to be intimate with because he has feelings for me. All sense of compersion is gone. I'm concerned for the other women he's seeing and vaguely alarmed that they didn't close their relationship to work on things, just swept the problems they had with me under the rug and assumed it would never happen again.

I am wrecked. I feel disposable. My meta still doesn't want to work things out and has even had the gall to pick fights with him at home about how I "must hate her" for imposing the veto and asking him weekly to validate her choice. I don't hate her, but I am very, very sad, and feeling incredibly resentful even though I recognize it was my partner's choice to accept the veto instead of fight it. To be honest, that's the most hurtful thing of all.

Has anyone been in a situation like this where it worked out in the end? Did the meta come around? Did your partner grow a backbone? It's been HALF A YEAR and our feelings haven't so much as wavered, even after four months of no contact. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:20

Waterbed Wendy: Jan 29, 2009

Tiny Deer posted:

2 year relationship vetoed by meta

my batshit crazy relationship set up has gone down in flames, i am very shocked and hurt that this very retarded plan i had was actually a bad one :qq:

advice: stop talking to him, have more self esteem, get down with the monogamy if you cant handle this poo poo-brained lifestyle.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:25

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

These metamour stories need a tl;dr

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:25

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

Tiny Deer posted:

2 year relationship vetoed by meta

This story in particular reads like a teenager forbidden love story.

"No ~~my actual, legal wife~~ MOM, we've fallen in LOVE and it's been six months and it's NOT A PHASE why can't you understand our LOVE and just let us gently caress."

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:34

Lonely Virgil: Oct 9, 2012

Just date people who aren't already in a relationship. It's not that hard, the world is your oyster.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:35

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Tiny Deer posted:

Metamour and kids moving in

WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU loving MUPPET

Further context: her post history reveals his boyfriend's wife loving haaaates her. Also their kids are unhappy when they spend time with each other. But I'm sure moving in together will fix it!

Also: they are either fat or rail thin.

Even if these people liked each other, that's seven loving people in a two-bedroom apartment! Won't that poo poo get you evicted? It's definitely not actually livable. Jesus loving christ.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:48

GB_Sign: Oct 9, 2012

The crazy thing about these stories to me is that they actually go out on dates and other non-sexual things and somehow believe that isn't going to lead to someone falling for the other/each other. From these stories it is easy enough for people to fall in love when all they are doing is loving, why are you going to add actual dating into the mix?

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:49

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

Bubblyblubber posted:

This story in particular reads like a teenager forbidden love story.

"No ~~my actual, legal wife~~ MOM, we've fallen in LOVE and it's been six months and it's NOT A PHASE why can't you understand our LOVE and just let us gently caress."

I love how pissed the mistress is at his wife for daring to speculate that she probably doesn't like her much since she cut off their sexual relationship. Your whole post is about what a bitch she is! At least be honest that you want him to leave her for you, this pretend nicey-nicey position of superiority just makes you insufferable.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:49

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Lonely Virgil posted:

Just date people who aren't already in a relationship. It's not that hard, the world is your oyster.

What, like some kind of normal person? Nice try, mom.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 21:50

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

My (27/f) meta (29/f) is freaking out because I asked my husband (32/m) to stay with me rather than go on a date with her.

quote:

Throwaway, they are redditors.

As the title states. My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for 3. He's been dating her for about a year. I've never interfered in their relationship, and he's never interfered in mine, but yesterday I learned about death in the family - my grandmother passes away. I was and still am heartbroken. She lived in a different country so I couldn't go there right away, so I stayed at home for the evening to grieve and asked him to stay with me. I knew he had a date scheduled, but I honestly didn't think it is too much to ask from a husband. So he stayed. He called her right away to cancel the date and she freaked the hell out on him over the phone about how she shouldn't have to deal with my issues and that since my grandmother is already dead him sitting with me is not going to change anything. I feel really uncomfortable about this whole situation, because my husband went super apologetic, but she said she wants me to apologize to her for ruining her evening. I literally told her to go to hell. Now my husband is pissed at me, and I'm all alone at home, because he's spending an entire day with her in order to appease her, which makes me angry. I must admit I'm thinking about ending my relationship now. Reddit, do you have advice for me?

A choice comment:

quote:

You both handled this poorly. Yes, you are in a traumatic time. But it sounded more like you were pulling a, he's my husband so I come first, card. I understand that may not have been your intention, but that's how you came across here. I'm sure she picked up on it. You also could have reached out to a good friend or family. There were choices. You made yours, but you didn't give her any say. How would you feel if she did that to you?

If I were her, I would have appreciated your calling me and saying, press can I have Bob with me tonight? I really don't have anyone, and I need this. Considering her and his needs, as well as yours, might have gotten you a lot further.

Now everyone is mad. She's pissed. He's pissed. You're home alone, when both could be there comforting you. If you care about them, I'd reach out and apologize to both and ask for all three of you to get together and talk it out.

This relationship is worth trying to save.

To be fair to everyone else, most comments were variations of 'let them go gently caress each other in hell'.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 22:02

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Tiny Deer posted:

'let them go gently caress each other in hell'.

I'm not sure there's a good way to turn this into a smilie, but it's right up there with :sever:

and

in terms of Good Advice for dealing with these posts.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 22:07

Lonely Virgil: Oct 9, 2012

54 40 or gently caress posted:

What, like some kind of normal person? Nice try, mom.

You can date Stacy, Bob, Tracy, Jason, and Aydein all at the same time as long as they think I'm cool. Tell them I'll buy wine coolers for your sweet sixteen, alright?

# ? Jan 28, 2017 22:20

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Tiny Deer posted:

My (27/f) meta (29/f) is freaking out because I asked my husband (32/m) to stay with me rather than go on a date with her.

Hrm, who could have forseen that any variation in standard schedule, such as moments which require additional emotional support from your partner, would bring to light the structurally unsound underpinnings of your open relationship. Get a divorce, let them gently caress each other in hell.

"Let them gently caress each other in hell" is amazing.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 22:51

TROIKA CURES GREEK: Jun 30, 2015; by R. Guyovich

Antivehicular posted:

I envy you for going to college somewhere where sleepovers were no big thing; this was not generally my college experience.

lol did you go to loving brigham young or something

# ? Jan 28, 2017 22:52

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

What the gently caress is a meta?

# ? Jan 28, 2017 23:00

Waterbed Wendy: Jan 29, 2009

scrubs season six posted:

What the gently caress is a meta?

someone who your SO is involved with but you aren't.

# ? Jan 28, 2017 23:01

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

scrubs season six posted:

What the gently caress is a meta?

Your boyfriends wife

# ? Jan 28, 2017 23:09

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# ? May 28, 2024 22:58

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Waterbed Wendy posted:

someone who your SO is involved with but you aren't.

Like it's the spouse of my spouse (that isn't me)? I'm mostly just trying to figure out why the word meta would be used for this.

quote:

If you care about them

Like, sorry, but when a loved one dies my first inclination would never be "Hooh boy I hope the lady my husband is loving doesn't get upset about this."

# ? Jan 28, 2017 23:12

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