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May 13, 2024 22:54
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- Fat Shat Sings
- Jan 24, 2016
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of everything you have ever said this is the worst
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Feb 4, 2017 18:44
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- blackmet
- Aug 5, 2006
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I believe there is a universal Truth to the process of doing things right (Not that I have any idea what that actually means).
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I used the word "Plumber." And came out with this long, sad story.
quote:
My (48/M) marriage with my anti-vaxxer wife (36/F) is becoming more toxic by the day and I don’t know what to do.
u/rickmagarity6632401y
Sorry for the wall of text.
My wife and I have been married for 2.5 years. The week before we got pregnant, I was apartment shopping because I was going to break up with her. I had a moment of weakness and we got pregnant. I decided to man up and do my best to give my daughter a two-parent household to grow up in. I hate my wife and I admit it. My wife hates me, but won’t admit it. We fight a lot. Usually, its because something unfortunate happens (i.e., pipes bursting in the house, dirty house, imperfection in painting a wall, forgetting our daughter’s gloves when we go to the mall, etc.), and its always my fault. My wife grew up in a war zone in central Europe and she is always stressed about money and how we’re poor (Note: I make a quarter million a year in income and we have a net worth of over $400k). I have a demanding job that requires me to travel every week Monday through Thursday and put in a lot of hours. She is a stay at home mom (her preference). We decided early on to “co sleep” with our daughter because we thought it would improve mother-child bonding, but as my daughter grows older, I’ve been kicked out of the bedroom and have been sleeping in the guest bedroom. It doesn’t help because our daughter wakes her up at night to nurse and when my wife moves in the bed, she wakes up our daughter and more nursing ensues. My wife has not been getting enough sleep. Last week, I had to take a week off work to “sleep train” our daughter and give my wife a sleep break, but the more sleep she got, the more intense her yelling at me became. Even things I do right (follow her grocery shopping instructions to a tee only to find out that I should have read her mind and known that she meant something else which resulted in “throwing $2.99 down the toilet because of my stupidity”) results in me getting yelled at. Just to compound the stress, my wife spends a lot of time surfing the net and finding “documentaries” about how vaccines cause autism and our severely delayed vaccine schedule is now stopped cold. My wife will not accede to more vaccines for our daughter, which is just making me sick. She often tells me VERY seriously that she hates the USA now (even though she is pursuing US citizenship) and wants to move to Europe where they won’t force her to vaccinate our daughter.
Bottom line… She is tired and scared of the future and has a short fuse because she has it tough and gets little sleep. I get it. Raising a child is a very tough job. I know she struggles with this because even though I try to work from home on Fridays to help out here and there during the day to give her a break, she constantly badgers me about when I’m going to be done with work because “she’d done” with taking care of our daughter. Not because she hates her, but because she is just exhausted from lack of sleep. (note: in case you’re tempted to blame her “intense” outbursts against me on lack of sleep, this used to happen before our child arrived – albeit not as frequently as now. She also admitted to me that her first marriage ended after one year because her ex-husband lived in constant trepidation because he never knew when she was going to go off on him.)
The problem is, she is constantly yelling at me and calling me stupid in front of our daughter. I used to just stay calm and talk through issues while she yelled and lashed out at me, but lately my strength is waning and I find myself answering her insults with sarcasm. So now I’m stuck with one of three choices: A) Fight back as intensely as she does (this past weekend I begged her not to yell at me in front of our daughter, but she responded that she is fine with our daughter seeing this), B) Buckle down, just sit there and take it so as not to fight in front of the child, or C) divorce. At least with option C, I could finally get our daughter vaccinated! If we divorced, I would give all of my resources to my wife in order to ensure our daughter has everything she needs growing up. I no longer care about my own happiness – just my daughter’s. I love her so much, I get choked up just thinking about her.
Now, I’ve read a lot about how divorce is “healthier” for the child than growing up in a toxic home (I guess, I’ve never read any studies that prove this, but I’m told they exist). My head tells me that’s the right thing to do, but my heart just can’t fathom this. Just can’t. The idea that my daughter would not grow up in one household with a mom and (one) dad just breaks my heart. I mean… if I would be willing to take a bullet for my daughter, why wouldn’t I be willing to take 16 years of a toxic marriage for her to have a mommy and daddy? My wife and I had the choice to have sex… my daughter had no choice being brought into this world and she deserves that her parents give her a stable household. I also worry about what kind of man my wife would bring into the home. I just can’t handle that concept.
I mentioned to my wife last weekend that I wanted us to see a couples therapist (not for the purpose of us becoming a “loving” couple – I’m way past that – but just to treat each other like respectful adults), but she said that spending money on that is unacceptable. I can’t get counseling for myself because my wife reviews my credit card every month and questions my expenses (e.g., $8/month for Spotify) and would freak out if she saw a charge for a therapist. (PS – she questioned me for the sixth month in a row as to why I pay for Spotify. This time I responded that if she can spend $8/month on Starbucks, I can spend $8 per month on Spotify. She had no response to that.)
Before I paint a picture of being a hapless, innocent victim, let me share some of my faults, which I’m sure annoy the poo poo out of her:
• I am not a detail-oriented person. I have so little time to get everything done both at work and household things, I cut corners and use the 80/20 rule. Sometimes that results in suboptimal decisions (e.g., hiring a plumber that maybe is not the cheapest to fix a pipe versus going through a three day evaluation process to compare reviews, prices, interview several plumbers, etc.).
• I lost my ability to be romantic with my wife. This past Valentine’s day, I just couldn’t bring myself to get her something to express my love. She, on the other hand, got me a card (“signed by our daughter”) and some chocolates.
• Even though I’ve lost about 10-15 pounds since we first met (I weigh about 215lbs), I am not “cut” and “hot” like my wife. I don’t exercise because I’m just too exhausted so I don’t have the best body. I understand why she wouldn’t be attracted to me physically.
• I can’t multi-task like she does. I can’t wash the dishes while I watch our daughter on the weekends. I have to do one thing at a time. She, on the other hand, is a fabulous multi-tasker.
• I believe in cleaning the house at most once a week. She is a neat freak and wants everything to be spotless for our daughter. I just don’t have the patience to spend all of my weekend time cleaning the house.
• I made poor financial decisions when I was younger because I thought I was sterile so I spent all of my money on travel and parents/niece. I should have done a better job planning for my future – even if I didn’t have kids. I just succumbed to temptation (e.g., buying a Porsche, spending thousands on safaris and taking ex-GFs to exotic destinations, etc.) and spent all my money, like an idiot.
I am at my wits end. I am falling into a depression. I get a knot in my stomach every Friday morning when I fly home because we’ve only had one weekend in the last 6 months where I haven’t been yelled at for “doing something stupid”.
I guess part of me just needed to write this out for my own mental health, but I guess I’m also looking for a perspective from a fellow redditor that will help me put this all in perspective and illuminate the right path for me. After re-reading my post, I guess I’ve answered my own question. I just need to find a source of strength to slog through this for my daughter’s sake.
I know the CW on reddit is that divorce is better for the child, but I would be interested in hearing cases where somebody was thankful their parents stayed together – even if there was acrimony in the relationship. I don’t know. Maybe I can’t handle the thought of divorce because of my daughter and I’m looking for reasons to justify staying in this marriage.
Should I raise the topic of divorce with my wife as a potential solution to our issues? Does that poison the well irreparably by just bringing up the topic? I don’t want to threaten her, but sometimes I wonder if she is constantly lashing out because she can’t bring herself to put divorce on the table and is trying to get me to initiate this notion?
Thanks for reading this.
TL;DR My wife and I are in a toxic marriage and I can’t bring myself to divorce because of my 18 month old daughter.
EDIT: Thanks to everybody that has responded both on this thread and through PMs. I heard all of you and even responded to some of you. In some respects I feel heartened and reinforced. The other half of me is terrified of the drama that I'll have to go through in order to implement the right decision for the sake of my daughter (and myself). The sooner I do this, the less of an impact this will be in the long term on my daughter.
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Feb 4, 2017 19:06
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- Beachcomber
- May 21, 2007
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Another day in paradise.
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Slippery Tilde
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I used the word "Plumber." And came out with this long, sad story.
Dude needs to realize he can unilaterally vaccinate his daughter without mom.
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Feb 4, 2017 19:24
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- Khorne
- May 1, 2002
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Dude needs to realize he can unilaterally vaccinate his daughter without mom.
It seems like the dude has no spine and is content with his wife living in some neurotic battered cycle that makes no sense given their living situation.
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Feb 4, 2017 19:29
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- Beachcomber
- May 21, 2007
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Another day in paradise.
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Slippery Tilde
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That's the smallest of the problems in that post.
It seems like the dude has no spine and is content with his wife living in some neurotic battered cycle that makes no sense given their living situation.
Those are serious problems, but keeping the baby from dying of easily preventable diseases is the most important and simple to fix.
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Feb 4, 2017 19:35
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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weddings!
quote:Me [26F] with my husband [27M] of 2 years, starting to resent my husband for convincing me to have a small wedding.Relationships
submitted 5 months ago * by thrownawaybride111
Throwaway because he is a pretty avid redditor.
I've always dreamed of a big wedding, not extravagant to any extreme, but that's just how all my family and friends' weddings have been and ever since I was a little girl I knew that's what I wanted.
My husband is very pragmatic and from the start was very critical of the wedding I'd planned in my head. We debated what we'd do pretty extensively and I thought came to some really good compromises. I always wanted a really great photographer, he thought hiring a photographer at all was pointless, so our compromise was asking a friend to be our photographer as his wedding gift to us. I always wanted a big, Saturday night party reception, he wanted a courthouse wedding with just us, so our compromise was a Sunday brunch with select friends and family. I always wanted my sister as my MOH and my two BFFs from growing up as bridesmaids, he, again, just wanted the two of us, so our compromise was my father got to walk me down the aisle. I wanted a band, he doesn’t like dancing, so our compromise was me making a playlist of background music for the brunch.
The day was wonderful and I was so happy and it really was such an awesome wedding.
Then my brother got married.
He had, basically, my dream wedding. Ever since then, the resentment has been growing steadily. All of our friends and family were there and everyone had the absolute best time. It hands down was a better day for me than my wedding day. It was such a beautiful celebration of not only the love between my brother and my new sister-in-law, but of them as a couple and everyone they loved enough to include in their special day. My grandfather read a prayer, she had a first dance with her father, they had beautiful flowers and a killer band, everyone danced all night, including my husband!!
The real kicker was her dress. If I had to pick out the dress of my dreams, it was what she wore. When she came out everyone gasped and my husband actually said, “wow”. It broke my heart. I wanted that moment for myself so badly, I know that makes me sound like a shallow attention queen, but it’s true. I had actually picked out a discount dress for my own wedding, but my husband said it was probably too fancy for the venue, so I went with a white sundress.
The wedding was awhile ago and they just uploaded the album to facebook and I sat there going through it sobbing. Our friend did take a few nice photos of the day, but it was nothing like what they had. Theirs had captured so many beautiful moments throughout the day, beautiful pictures of them and everyone who I loved but was unable to even have at my wedding.
I know this is such a stupid issue, and it’s not like he did anything wrong since we did come to logical compromises that I fully agreed with at the time, but I have been feeling more and more resentful and I don’t know what to do about it.
EDIT: Wow, okay I get it. Thanks for the overwhelming feedback. I am being superficial and shallow, he was definitely right. I'm going to do my best to forget about it completely and be grateful for the compromises he was willing to make.
tl;dr: Had a small wedding with many compromises between mine and my husband’s taste. Just went to my brother’s wedding that was everything I’ve ever wanted and I’m crushed, how to stop this resentment from continuing to build?
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Feb 4, 2017 20:49
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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quote:My husband [27] is extremely handsome and successful, and lots of people try to tell me [31F] that he is "out of my league"Relationships
1,386 points 203 comments submitted 5 months ago by SamuraiSpaghettiCat to /r/relationships
My husband is a successful print model and graphic designer. He has been featured in lots of store catalogs for international companies. Obviously he is very handsome. Think, Swedish cheekbones.
I am a professional photographer and work regularly, but make a much smaller salary than my husband. I'm just average looking. We got married after dating a year and living together half a year more.
I love being with my husband. He's smart, funny, and totally humble even though he is utterly BEAUTIFUL. He's so gorgeous that strangers have on more than one occasion asked to take a "selfie" with him because he's such a prototype of a tall, blonde, model type. I've always been proud of him. Out of respect for me he will usually refuse selfies with people unless they are just silly teenagers or if they specifically say they recognize him. He treats the grown women as if they should know better.
I knew to expect it, but haters are always coming up to me and passive-aggressively insinuating, "what's he doing with YOU?" or that he's slumming with me or that I must be blackmailing him or that he must be blind. People also insinuate that I'm robbing the cradle with him. Which means either they think that I'm a geezer if I'm only four years older than him, or that they are saying I look like an old hag next to him.
I just roll with it because I know women can be cruel and jealous and they want what I have.
What I really hate though is that they are hitting HIM with the same kind of questioning.
I know some people are trying to convince him that I am emotionally hurting him by making him not realize his true value as a person. Like I'm ruining his self esteem to make him more on "my level."
It's been happening more and more lately since I'm pregnant four months and am having a little bit of trouble putting myself together every day.
It's killing me that he's surrounded basically by these gorgeous Russian and French models and they're flirting with him so hard. It's hurting my confidence and I'm scared because I'm so in love with him and he's dad to my baby and I would fall to pieces without him. These other women have NO shame and NO mercy.
What can I do about this? Or, about these feelings?
My husband keeps telling me he loves me and that he only has eyes for me but sometimes I see myself in the mirror in the morning lately and see someone fatter older and uglier than him and wondering why he's wasting his life with me.
How do I get over it?
tl;dr
Husband is prettier, younger, and more successful than me. People never let me OR him forget it. It's killing my confidence
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Feb 4, 2017 20:50
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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I can understand not wanting to have one of those hugely expensive big weddings but all their compromises felt less like compromises and more like him just saying no to everything. It gets even more sad if you read the comments "Well he had a big, blow out wedding with his first wife. I've never been married before but he was kind of over it."
Plus they allegedly had plenty of money to afford it (she makes more money than him but they both make good money).
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Feb 4, 2017 21:01
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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quote:
My husband [26M] is no longer attractive to me [23F] and I don't know how to deal.[new]
submitted 59 minutes ago by lovefallsshort1092
Sorry for the throwaway but I need to stay anonymous.
Over the past year I have come to realize I am just not attracted to my husband at all anymore. We met and married quickly which I now think is a mistake.
The smaller complaints:
he doesn't help with housework at all, and thinks it's hilarious to watch me struggle to keep a 4.0, a clean house, and take care of our two children.
He doesn't take care of his body. I have to remind him to brush his teeth. He once asked me what I thought of him starting a workout regimen to gain since he is very skinny. I said that sounded great and maybe we could work out together, and he got offended that I don't find him attractive enough already.
He turned down a very good job that had advancement opportunities. He claimed it made him miserable to be away for so long even though his previous job was also taking him away. He isn't interested in looking into anything besides what he's doing now despite getting an 8$ pay cut and not enjoying it either.
The biggest thing though is that he reserves this right to arbitrarily get mad at me for no reason and expect me to just "endure it". He routinely accuses me of saying things I didn't say (like saying I don't want a job when what I really said was "we should wait to buy a house until i know how many hours I can work and keep my grades up"). He brings up old fights as unnecessary jabs when we aren't even arguing. He yells at me when we argue and out last big one ended with him pinning me to the couch and screaming at me.
With two kids and in the middle of school I don't even know where to go from here. Some friends and family know we were working on things and getting better, but I feel like a failure. I'm embarrassed to have so many issues that don't even seem that bad. I've thought about separating but I'm not sure how productive that would be. What do I do? Do i have a heart to heart and let him know my concerns?
TL:DR I've found myself no longer attracted to my husband because of various marital issues ranging from laziness to anger and don't know what to do.
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Feb 4, 2017 21:16
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k0SmqbBIpQ
They seriously need to just make it so you can't get married until you're 30
ArbitraryC fucked around with this message at 21:30 on Feb 4, 2017
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Feb 4, 2017 21:26
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- flick my Mr. Bean
- Nov 18, 2014
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I wish I had a wedding as small as my brother's. I had a ridiculous event because wealthy family members were paying for it and we ended up letting them have a bit too much control. When several things went wrong, I ended up having to fix them because the wedding coordinator cracked under the pressure. Aside from the ceremony, it was a miserable goddamn day for me from. My wife on the other hand was happy because she had no idea anything was even wrong. The best feeling in the world was sinking into the seat of my car and knowing it was over.
My brother just had it at somebody's house on their memorial pavilion for their dead son. Quick, cheap, and small.
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Feb 4, 2017 21:35
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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It's usually a bigger deal for the woman then for the man, and it is kind of unfair for a man to assume that she should look at the event the same way he does. Especially if she is going to be a housewife, that's kind of her last day of visibility.
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Feb 4, 2017 21:48
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- Cumslut1895
- Feb 18, 2015
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by FactsAreUseless
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Especially if she is going to be a housewife, that's kind of her last day of visibility.
Christ that's depressing
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Feb 4, 2017 21:55
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- Tiny Deer
- Jan 16, 2012
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If there's anything I've learned from the Bad With Money thread it's that a wedding derail is almost as bad as horses.
Do not tell us what you spent on your wedding. Don't brag about your courthouse marriage. Don't accuse people who don't spend money on their wedding of not loving their spouse. Don't do it! It is a perilous path! Heed my warnings, ye unwary ones! This way lies only madness!
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Feb 4, 2017 21:56
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- Cumslut1895
- Feb 18, 2015
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by FactsAreUseless
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If there's anything I've learned from the Bad With Money thread it's that a wedding derail is almost as bad as horses.
Do not tell us what you spent on your wedding. Don't brag about your courthouse marriage. Don't accuse people who don't spend money on their wedding of not loving their spouse. Don't do it! It is a perilous path! Heed my warnings, ye unwary ones! This way lies only madness!
frankly if you aren't making money off of your wedding, you're a loving joke
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Feb 4, 2017 21:57
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- Tiny Deer
- Jan 16, 2012
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frankly if you aren't making money off of your wedding, you're a loving joke
Yeah but the point is you're not supposed to bring that up, dude! Jeez.
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Feb 4, 2017 22:02
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- flick my Mr. Bean
- Nov 18, 2014
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If there's anything I've learned from the Bad With Money thread it's that a wedding derail is almost as bad as horses.
Did you have genuine horse lovers in there because that sounds like a fun derail.
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Feb 4, 2017 22:02
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- Khorne
- May 1, 2002
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behold, the femcel!
What can I [F21] offer guys if I'm ugly?
top comment:
On a more serious note, "why would I want to date me" is a decent question. Or "what do I want in a partner" is a decent question, because generally men and women want the same drat things.
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Feb 4, 2017 22:18
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- Lonely Virgil
- Oct 9, 2012
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behold, the femcel!
What can I [F21] offer guys if I'm ugly?
top comment:
Hahaha it's a female incel.
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Feb 4, 2017 22:41
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Rules lawyering doesn't bode well for your relationship. The point is, that was probably her last day on earth to feel special, and she didn't feel special on it.
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Feb 4, 2017 22:47
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Wanna know how many times that lady posted about nasolabial folds.
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Feb 4, 2017 22:46
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- Nazzadan
- Jun 22, 2016
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Harmless story inc, keyword: banjo
quote:Hi everyone, I realize this may be a silly problem when compared to other things I have read here but I need help!
I just landed this amazing part time job working from home after losing my job three years ago. I pretty much just have to answer calls for a well-known retailer and place orders with customers that call in. Piece of cake! I've been kind of depressed due to my job situation these past three years, and being forced to talk to people all over the country has help me feel comfortable with other people again. I really like this job!
So, here's the problem: my upstairs neighbor apparently works from home too because I hear her at different times throughout the day. The thing is, it looks like she is trying to learn to play banjo. I think that's pretty cool, except for the fact that she practices 3 to 5 times a day. In her back porch, directly above my home office.
Now, she plays during the day so it's not like she's messing with my sleep or anything like that, but it just so happens that she's always playing whenever I have to clock in. I'm supposed to meet certain requirements for my job, and background silence happens to be one of them. Her banjo playing is clearly audible during calls. I always try to mute her out when I am not talking, but that doesn't help too much. I don't really have a relationship with this neighbor either, but I have already received my first warning from my supervisor and I am sooo nonconfrontational, I am totally unsure of what to do. I mean, she is completely in her right to play banjo during the day as much as she wants, I just happen to have a tiny apartment that inhibits me from relocating my entire home office to another area/room. During my last shift yesterday (5hr) she did 3 sessions. This morning, my husband & I had our first day off in a while, she woke us up at 8AM practicing.
So, how can I handle this situation politely?😖
TL;DR: I work from home, and my neighbor just happens to practice playing banjo multiple times a day, most commonly during my shifts. My supervisor has already given me my first warning. I really want to keep this job! What do?
Thanks in advance!
Thank you for calling Target customer service, how can I he- *boing bada-boing bada-boing*
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Feb 4, 2017 22:55
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- lazorexplosion
- Mar 19, 2016
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Rules lawyering doesn't bode well for your relationship. The point is, that was probably her last day on earth to feel special, and she didn't feel special on it.
Woah that's an extremely weird opinion.
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Feb 4, 2017 23:37
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- flick my Mr. Bean
- Nov 18, 2014
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Woah that's an extremely weird opinion.
The only true joy is the joy of being a productive employee.
If it were true it would be. If you're a stay-at-home-spouse and your last day of visibility is your wedding, something is wrong with you, your marriage, or your living situation.
flick my Mr. Bean fucked around with this message at 00:33 on Feb 5, 2017
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Feb 5, 2017 00:30
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- Cumslut1895
- Feb 18, 2015
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by FactsAreUseless
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wow people on this forum really love the idea that ugly people don't exist.
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Feb 5, 2017 00:37
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- Smirking_Serpent
- Aug 27, 2009
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(NSFW) my (25f) BF of 1 year (29m) enjoys performing a "naughty" sex act on me that I don't mind but don't really enjoy. He could do it for hours if I let him, should I just tolerate it because he enjoys it?
submitted 3 hours ago by Banal1234
Ill spare any suspense and just come out and say he loves licking my butt. I didn't let him for a long time but decided that as long as everything is clean, it's ok.
Well the issue is, it's by far his favorite sexual thing...by far. I mean the only porn he watches is butt licking, he would be happy not having an orgasm for weeks if I just let him lick me there--he just loves it. Don't get me wrong, our sex life is great otherwise and he has a much larger than average penis and is very attentive to all areas of my body. But the issue is he could lick me there for hours...and I mean hours. It's not the worst thing ever but it just gets...boring and I lose sensation after just a few minutes. I swear I could just sit and browse Reddit while he's going at it, that's how non-eventful it is for me but he really wants me to moan and talk dirty to him while he's doing it and he just as into it as he is.
Should I just humor him and let him do his thing?
tl;dr: BF loves licking my butt for a really long time. It doesn't do much for me and I just find it boring. Should I just humor him and let him do it?
I have to give her credit for coming up with a funny throwaway name, and actually telling us what the sex act is instead of being coy.
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Feb 5, 2017 00:45
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 13, 2024 22:54
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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There's a second one up at the moment about a guy who knows his girlfriend doesn't like his fetish, but he doesn't say what it is, like  you've already got a dumb throwaway, give the people what they want.
berth el rear end
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Feb 5, 2017 00:53
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Feb 4, 2017 18:31
girls are kind of conditioned to believe that their wedding day is supposed to be this big, huge special day (and it is!) and should be all they want. It sounds like her husband got everything he wanted and she gave up her own dream wedding to make him happy. That definitely would suck.
Cat Army 
bonehead shoulda used a fake login like all those other passive dummies
