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Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
Also $133/wk for one person for groceries isn't insane if you're concerned with quality ingredients.

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Mirthless
Mar 27, 2011

by the sex ghost

Pick posted:

Also $133/wk for one person for groceries isn't insane if you're concerned with quality ingredients.

yeah but you wouldn't double that figure for two people because you can buy in greater quantities and likely stretch food further before spoilage. $200 is a lot to spend on groceries in a single week for anything short of a big family unless you're buying liquor, in which case I guess I understand but if you've gotta work three jobs maybe you shouldn't be drinking top shelf that's all I'm saying

flick my Mr. Bean
Nov 18, 2014

WampaLord posted:

loving a, who are these super people who can choose to just never fart? Like, never? You never let out gas?

You wait until beads of sweat are dripping down your forehead from the discomfort and then sprint, hoping the nearest bathroom is empty.

Mirthless
Mar 27, 2011

by the sex ghost
I mean, perspective here: They could have new york strip every night of the week @ a pretty average price, go all organic for vegetables, and buy at least one good wedge of cheese and still wouldn't be breaking $160

unless you're buying $8.00 loaves of bread and packing a $6.00 gluten free tart in your lunch every day $200 a week is loving crazy (and if you do those things, stop)

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 22:40 on Feb 5, 2017

Lonely Virgil
Oct 9, 2012

The problem is having to work 100 hours a week to support spending 400 buckeroos on groceries that week.

Mirthless
Mar 27, 2011

by the sex ghost

Lonely Virgil posted:

The problem is having to work 100 hours a week to support spending 400 buckeroos on groceries.

yeah

it's one thing if you can afford it effortlessly but jesus christ are marginal improvements in food quality worth working an extra full time job?

WampaLord
Jan 14, 2010

The man is killing himself to put food on the table, but not in a Les Mis way.

Give the wife a loving budget and give her access to nothing beyond it. Quit two of those jobs for gently caress's sake. Work 40 hours a week and watch everything get magically better!

The wife would even be happier because he'd have the energy to gently caress her a bunch! It's win/win/win!

LethalGeek
Nov 4, 2009

Glad to see mirthless continues to explain how broken they are to the rest of us with every new topic that the thread happens on.

Khazar-khum
Oct 22, 2008

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
2nd Battalion

Pick posted:

Also $133/wk for one person for groceries isn't insane if you're concerned with quality ingredients.

Especially if you live in the kind of places that will have a Whole Foods. In California you're lucky to get by on $150/week, even going to places where the poors go. Add food allergies and celiac disease into the mix, and you will watch an insane amount of money go away. Want soup? 5 bucks a can. Crackers? 5-7 $ per box. Bread comes in little tiny loaves that taste awful unless toasted, and it's 6$/loaf. Food companies have learned that slapping 'Gluten free' on the package means charging 20-100% more. Yeah, all the soccer moms with gluten free mania have expanded the offerings and they taste better, but drat are they expensive.

Clark Nova
Jul 18, 2004

Whole Foods isn't that bad for meat and dry/canned goods but most of the store is stacked full of $8 single-serving junk food bullshit. They're probably buying mostly snacks and garbage.

Mr. Belding
May 19, 2006
^
|
<- IS LAME-O PHOBE ->
|
V

Pick posted:

I have never poo poo my pants as an adult. Not once.

I've had to throw a hard clinch now and then when thing were moving along more briskly than I'd planned. I suppose the one area where I'm athletically gifted is that, even as a man in my thirties, I can clinch my sphincter before making GBS threads on my office chair. ESPN should make a 30 for 30 about me.

lazorexplosion
Mar 19, 2016

$400 per week is like... is she the one maintaining a secret entire other family?

Lonely Virgil
Oct 9, 2012

The codeword is: memes

My [23M] Girlfriend's [21F] Inappropriate Behavior, year long relationship, she has an obsession with an internet fad

quote:

Hi, been a lurker on this subreddit and didn't really have the courage to post, but I'm at my wits end with my girlfriend (let's call her Chris) and her immature behavior.

Some background: So I first met Chris in a group of friends. She was fun, tomboyish, smart, and well-versed on the internet which I found particularly striking. She spends a lot of time on reddit, 4chan, and knowyourmeme. At first I found this hobby mutual as I'm a frequent internet user myself, except I started noticing that Chris would bring it into the real world.

For example, Chris has an obsession with memes. She has memes posted all over her wall and is very active on meme based forums. I understand they make her laugh and that it's not too concerning, but she brings up memes ALL the time. And I mean all the time. Even when we first started talking and flirting she'd bring up socially awkward penguin. At first it was cute, but then it got annoying fast when I realized she did this constantly.

My girlfriend doesn't abstain from meme usage, even when we're having sex. Whenever we spend this time together, she starts moaning doge memes like "such sex, wow" and it really kills the moment for me. Like really? Is that even close to appropriate? Maybe she wants to relieve the tension, but does she know when to draw the line? Even reading that over made me sick knowing that Chris is usually 100% serious about those things.

I tried bringing up her inappropriate usage of memes after my father died and she literally sends me advice animal memes that say 'don't be sad' but my dad just loving died could you be more sensitive and not send me memes? I said that straight to her face yesterday and she started crying, and I feel awful but it was just really irritating for me.

Basically, every time I bring up her habit, guess what- she just brings up memes! It's impossible to fight with her reasonably and I'd hate to end our year long relationship over something so trivial like this and I need advice. Do I stick with her or not? The reaction to my dad's death was the final straw for me and I've been ignoring her messages, texts, which yes, do contain memes.

Sorry for making this long, I'm having a bit of catharsis here. I know Reddit loves its memes and I might get flamed for this, but it's an actual problem and I need help dealing with her. Throwaway because yes, she is on reddit. I'm thinking of showing her this board once I get enough advice to show her that her "harmless" jokes actually get on my nerves to a serious degree.

tl;dr: Girlfriend uses memes in real life, acts immature about them, and doesn't understand context... I'm really at my wit's end and need advice on if I should break or try to work this out. Please help.

My mom [53F] frequently asking me [20F] for advice on making memes for Facebook pages she runs, gets upset that I'm not interested

quote:

I just started my junior year of college and have a very busy schedule. My mom works from home and as part of her job she admins a couple FB pages, plus a few more devoted to political causes she believes in. She always wants to use memes on her pages even though imo this looks unprofessional on her business pages but whatever, the problem is that she feels entitled to ask me to make them for her because I'm younger and "know what's cool and will get attention". I find this annoying and don't even really care for memes at all in the first place which I have told her. Just because I'm 20 doesn't mean I follow this stuff or care.

She will send me at least several messages a week either showing me her attempt at making a meme, asking me to make one if she can't figure out how, or asking me out of a list of ideas for them which one sounds funniest. If I try to change the subject and ask anything else about what she's been up to or tell her anything about my own life, she gets snappy and short with me. If I ignore her she will stop for a few days, but then will either call or send a long email where she talks about how it's disrespectful of me to blow off her messages or not keep in touch with her like other kids do with their parents.

It's all really frustrating. How can I stop this pattern?

TL;DR mom always asking for my help in making memes for her FB pages when I don't find this fun or interesting or have the time. If I say so or ignore the messages she gets upset.

Me [32F] posted on Facebook about Santa Claus not being real. My niece [13F] is a Facebook friend and is now devastated. Sister [36F] is furious with me.

quote:

I can't believe I even need to post this, but here we go. I posted the Ryan Reynold's Deadpool meme where he tells kids about sex and says how Santa isn't real. My niece who just turned 13 has a Facebook account that is about a week old. I honestly forgot I even has her as a friend.

My sister called me furious. Apparently she had to come clean to both my nieces (the other one is 11) and now they are so upset they couldn't go to school today. I told her I thought she had told them years so about Santa not being real, but I still felt bad and apologized. She says that isn't good enough and that I need to publicly say how Santa is real and provide "proof" to my nieces how I believe Santa is real. I refuse. I think they are far too old to be believing in Santa still.

My mother and father sided with my sister saying I shouldn't ruin my niece's Christmas (FFS it is March) and take away their childhood prematurely. I feel like I'm in crazy town.

I just sent an email saying I am sorry the incident happened and that my niece's are hurting, but that I am not going to pretend Santa exists because I feel that is an unreasonable request. My parents have said they are disappointed with me and my sister said until I agree to lie about Santa that she is going no contact.

Am I wrong that 13 and 11 is a fine age to stop believing in Santa? I get that they are all upset, but isn't this an inevitable part of growing up? Usually my family is reasonable, so I'm a bit shocked about this all honestly. My sister and her family aren't even Christian (yes I know Santa isn't a Christian thing, but Christmas is a Christian holiday. We never really made a big deal of Christmas beyond eating good food and opening a few gifts).

TL/DR; Posted a meme about how Santa isn't real. My 13-year-old niece saw it and told my 11-year-old niece. They are devastated. My sister and parents are angry at me and want me to lie about Santa being real. I don't think it is healthy to do so at their ages. My sister now won't talk to me and my parents think I am being unreasonable. What can I do tiny smooth things over?

Edit: So my niece sent me a text from school asking why her mom was mad at me. I said it was over the whole Santa thing and she said "That's stupid. Who still believes in Santa?" So...yeah I called my sister out on this whole b.s. situation and for making up lies to try and make me feel bad. She called my parents crying, so my parents told me their standard line of having me be the bigger person and patch things up. Not this time. I told them to quit sticking their noses into an argument that has nothing to do with them, but honestly I am so pissed they can all gently caress off for awhile. I'm not responding to anyone unless I get an apology.

Edit #2: Crazy town:

Sister: I can't believe you responded to niece after I told you not to talk to her! It's disrespectful to me!

Me: You mean you are just upset you got caught in a lie?

Sister: It wasn't a lie! It was a justified exaggeration to prove a point!

Me: What loving point?!

Sister: That your words and actions on Facebook have consequences!

Me: Let me get this straight...you won't let me talk to nieces because I posted a meme about Santa not existing even though they don't believe in Santa anymore?

Sister: What if they were younger?

Me: They aren't...what the gently caress kind of logic is that?!

Sister: I can't talk to you when you're being unreasonable and refuse to see the point.

Me: Okay. Good luck with that. When you are ready to apologize you can send me message.

Sister: What the gently caress do I have to apologize for?! I don't even know why you're upset when I'm the only one with the right to be upset here!

Me: Figure it out.

Edit #3: You know, this isn't normal behaviour for my sister. I reached out to my BIL and he says he's been concerned the past few days. It's been like a switch was flipped and she started acting nuts. He's going to make her an appointment with their doctor. It might just be stress, but never hurts to check it out.

edit: santa story has an update

Update: Me [32F] posted on Facebook about Santa Claus not being real. My niece [13F] is a Facebook friend and is now devastated. Sister [36F] is furious with me.

quote:

To summarize the last post, I posted a Ryan Reynolds meme about Santa Claus not being real on Facebook which my 13-year-old niece saw. My sister flipped out about it and wanted me to publicly rescind and say how Santa is real, but I thought my nieces were too old to believe in that stuff and refused. It lead to a crazy fight between us. Link to the original.

Anyway, I talked to my nieces and neither of them believe in Santa, so they were baffled about the fight. I talked to my BIL and he said my sister has been flying off the handle lately. We agreed she should probably get a check up and he convinced her to go to the doctor.

Onto the update. They did a MRI and nothing showed up. Then they did some bloodwork which looked fine, except some elevated cholesterol. She isn't pregnant. They pretty much wrote her off as a crazy person and sent her to a psychologist for stress. After a session, the psychologist told her to do some "deep breathing" and sent her away as fixed.
She got worse. She stopped sleeping and barely ate, yet still gained weight. Any small annoyance would send her into a rage. Commercials were making her so upset she would ugly cry. I asked my BIL if they tested hormone levels or anything like that and he said the doctors didn't feel it was necessary.

She called me one day crying and apologizing, saying she was the worst sister ever and I had every right to hate her. She was so devastated she ruined our relationship and such. It was weird and NOT my sister, so when I got a chance to speak I told her she was going to go see my doctor and I wasn't taking no for an answer. I set up an appointment and my doctor ordered a full blood panel including hormone and vitamins before my sister drove to town for her appointment.

When my sister drove up we spent the morning shopping and she was unpredictable. One minute she was happy and the next yelling about some perceived sight ("That loving pretentious makeup counter bitch just looked at me funny for my cheap drug store makeup."). It was uncomfortable, So I just walked on eggshells to keep her from exploding.
Anyway, results of the bloodwork and a good doctor: perimenopause. Her hormones are completely abnormal. None of her doctors would even consider it because she was "too young" for menopause, so they didn't even bother running the tests. She'll be coming up with a care plan with my doctor for hormone replacement therapy and diet change to hopefully get back on track.

She still a nutcase right now. For example, she called me crying the other night because she will never have more kids (wha...her husband had a vasectomy years ago). I'm driving to her place next weekend and we're going to batch cook a bunch of meals for her new diet plan (I'll be doing it with her as I could stand to eat healthier). So it'll be a slow process, but we have a diagnosis and plan. I'm just taking her outbursts as "crazy hormones" right now because it'll take awhile to even out.
I got her a dark chocolate cake for Easter that said, "Happy Reverse Easter (when the Easter Bunny takes back your eggs)" because I'm kind of a jerk. She thought it was hilarious though, so we are good.

TL/DR; Sister is going through perimenopause, so she's irrationally, but understandably nutty right now. Oh, and Santa Claus still doesn't exist.
Edit: Removed the comment about being bipolar. Though my SIL has professionally diagnosed bipolarism and does have wildly swinging moods within minutes sometimes (though usually a manic high or low lasts weeks), it wasn't my intention to slur a group of people. My sister was acting very much like my SIL can act sometimes, so it was the best reference I could make. I apologize for offending anybody.

Lonely Virgil fucked around with this message at 00:16 on Feb 6, 2017

54 40 or fuck
Jan 4, 2012

No Yanda's allowed
13 is definitely a little too old for believing in Santa Claus

La Brea Carpet
Nov 22, 2007

I have no mouth and I must post

quote:

I [20F] made my boyfriend [21M] degrade me during sex, turns out I can't handle it and now I feel like poo poo.Relationships

We've been together for three years and have gotten through a lot together. I love him very much and he's my best friend.

I suffer from anxiety and I don't know why or how, but within the last year I've managed to dig myself into a hole with these weird insecurities that were never a problem before. Anyway, sometimes when I masturbate I think about him cheating on me and it just helps get the job done. It's not really self-hate or anything like that because I honestly feel fine afterwards.

So over the weekend while we were having sex I asked him if we could talk about it (while we were having sex). This was my first mistake because we set no boundaries. I just told him that I wanted to be degraded and wanted him to talk about another girl. Then I asked him to talk about this one girl that he's friends with who I've felt anxious about. He hesitated and told me no but I begged.

Then he started doing it and we were getting really into it and he said that she was prettier than me (because he saw how I was getting off on all of the other things that he was saying) and that he didn't want a fat girl (I've gained some weight) and he noticed an immediate change in my face and stopped and held me and affirmed me and did everything that he could to make me feel comfortable.
I've brought it up maybe twice since then and he said that he just wanted to please me and that that's why he said it and also because I begged him to have no boundaries, etc. I'm posting this here because I don't want to bother him with it anymore.

I guess I just feel like poo poo. I told him those two things hurt as opposed to anything else that he said because they sort of have a place in reality (I've thought that she was prettier than me, I've felt like poo poo about gaining some weight) and he said he understands and when I told him that I don't think I want to do it again he felt relieved and said he doesn't like saying those things to me.

I think it's clear from this post that I have an overthinking problem and create stories inside of my head, such as that is what he genuinely thinks and is only pretending to not want to say it to manipulate me.

I think most people are going to suggest therapy which I am looking into. I guess I just wanted some other insight on this.

I am in no way mad or upset at him as I am the one who gave him the green light and came up with this.

I just don't understand what is wrong with me, or why I am coming up with ways to feel paranoid when he's doing everything right. I feel stupid and now can't stop feeling like poo poo about myself in relation to this girl and I don't know what to do.

tl;dr: Begged my bf to degrade me in bed and it backfired.

The human brain is a weird thing.

54 40 or fuck
Jan 4, 2012

No Yanda's allowed
I...I feel like maybe the body comment was crossing a line, but it is really weird that she asked him to imagine one specific person.
:therapy:

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011


I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

54 40 or gently caress posted:

13 is definitely a little too old for believing in Santa Claus

Yeah, I was actually a little relieved when it turned out the 13- and 11-year-old in this story didn't believe in Santa and were baffled about their mom's anger. Hopefully the mom can get her hormones sorted out.

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

Pick posted:

I have never poo poo my pants as an adult. Not once.

you're missing out

Pick posted:

Also $133/wk for one person for groceries isn't insane if you're concerned with quality ingredients.

also, you're completely insane. I'm in loving DC and have to work pretty hard to spend more than $40/person/wk on groceries, like, i guess if 100% of your calories for the week are coming from snacks from Whole Foods you could make it but you'd have to literally never cook for yourself.


La Brea Carpet posted:

The human brain is a weird thing.

lol how loving stupid is the boyfriend that he actually fell for this one

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 01:36 on Feb 6, 2017

Subjunctive
Sep 12, 2006

✨sparkle and shine✨

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

also, you're completely insane. I'm in loving DC and have to work pretty hard to spend more than $40/person/wk on groceries, like, i guess if 100% of your calories for the week are coming from snacks from Whole Foods you could make it but you'd have to literally never cook for yourself.

Fresh produce and good cuts of beef or fish will clear $40/wk easily where I am. And that's just dinner, which I admit I don't reliably make happen for $6/person/meal. It is easy to buy a single steak or meal of seafood that's $15, so I don't think you really have to work that hard to clear $40/wk.

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

yeah but then everything else to go with that is gonna be like chicken, rice, canned tomatoes, eggs, and maybe a bit of cheese so to reach those numbers we're back into 'waygu every meal' burning-money-on-purpose territory. It's possible for regional variations to push your weekly food budget over $40, sure, but no way is it that much over $40 unless you're living like an rear end in a top hat.

Tiny Deer
Jan 16, 2012

I think it's possible to spend more than 40 but less than 400 dollars a week on groceries.

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008

wiggle wiggle




Tiny Deer posted:

I think it's possible to spend more than 40 but less than 400 dollars a week on groceries.

The ol' "truth is in the middle" eh? :rolleyes:

Lonely Virgil
Oct 9, 2012

This is a personal cry for help. My fiance dabbed (the stupid dance not the other one) and kept saying "Cash me outside, how bout dat" all day today, how do I not murder him before the superbowl is over?

DragQueenofAngmar
Dec 29, 2009

You shall not pass!
wel you havent given any reasons he should live in ur post so :murder:

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008

wiggle wiggle




Lonely Virgil posted:

This is a personal cry for help. My fiance dabbed (the stupid dance not the other one)

A little dab'll do ya.



DragQueenofAngmar posted:

wel you havent given any reasons he should live in ur post so :murder:

If you murder people in your own home you have to clean up the leaky body yourself. :effort:

Gumbel2Gumbel
Apr 28, 2010

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

yeah but then everything else to go with that is gonna be like chicken, rice, canned tomatoes, eggs, and maybe a bit of cheese so to reach those numbers we're back into 'waygu every meal' burning-money-on-purpose territory. It's possible for regional variations to push your weekly food budget over $40, sure, but no way is it that much over $40 unless you're living like an rear end in a top hat.

You're a complete moron and are lying about what you spend on food, unless you hammer nothing but rice, beans, and occasionally chicken.

Gumbel2Gumbel fucked around with this message at 02:14 on Feb 6, 2017

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008

wiggle wiggle




Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

You're a complete moron and are lying about what you spend on food, unless you hammer nothing but rice, beans, and occasionally chicken.

Maybe food is different prices in different places?

Gumbel2Gumbel
Apr 28, 2010

Facebook Aunt posted:

Maybe food is different prices in different places?

Not so much in America. It's just someone who doesn't count their coffee, take-out, alcohol and snacks.

They will now come up with a theoretically cheap food budget they found online to prove me wrong (that they don't actually follow).

Gumbel2Gumbel fucked around with this message at 02:23 on Feb 6, 2017

The Whoreax
Sep 7, 2008
I speak for the wood.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Not so much in America. It's just someone who doesn't count their coffee, take-out, alcohol and snacks.

I can't remember the last time I bought any of those.

Gumbel2Gumbel
Apr 28, 2010

The Whoreax posted:

I can't remember the last time I bought any of those.

So you don't drink coffee, never eat fast food or go to a restaurant, and don't drink alcohol?

Are you Ned Flanders?

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Not so much in America. It's just someone who doesn't count their coffee, take-out, alcohol and snacks.

They will now come up with a theoretically cheap food budget they found online to prove me wrong (that they don't actually follow).

I lived off about 20/wk in gradschool with plenty of meat, it was just whole chickens/pork shoulders and such you get for 99/lb easily, cook that poo poo with cheap veggies like potatoes, onions, carrots, cabbage, celery, as well as lentils/rice and you can have a pretty varied diet with a lot of protein without that much effort.

When I got a real job i doubled that budget and basically spent the difference on expensive cheeses/pricier cuts of meats for nicer dinners a couple times a week but it's not like the "poor" food I was buying is bad either. I could see adding more if you really wanted to eat steaks and salmon fillets everynight or something but imo it's easier to just have a couple more involved dinners each week and the rest of the time I make stuff that's good for leftovers.

imo it's really weird to think people eating on the cheap must be dining on beans and rice 24/7, like we need better home-ec in our schools or something. If you avoid processed stuff basically the only way you could push past 40/wk is if you regularly spend more on an individual meal at home than you would eating out.

ArbitraryC fucked around with this message at 02:42 on Feb 6, 2017

The Whoreax
Sep 7, 2008
I speak for the wood.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

So you don't drink coffee, never eat fast food or go to a restaurant, and don't drink alcohol?

Are you Ned Flanders?

Don't like coffee, my own cooking is far superior to what I'd find in fast food or most restaurants, and alcohol is too expensive for me right now. It's quite easy to live a lifestyle without any of those things.

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug
Eating out should be part of your entertainment budget anyways

Tiny Deer
Jan 16, 2012

ArbitraryC posted:

Eating out should be part of your entertainment budget anyways

I actually agree with this.

Subjunctive
Sep 12, 2006

✨sparkle and shine✨

ArbitraryC posted:

If you avoid processed stuff basically the only way you could push past 40/wk is if you regularly spend more on an individual meal at home than you would eating out.

Home cooked breakfast + lunch + dinner at $10 doesn't seem like an extravagant lifestyle. I might spend more than you do when I eat out, I guess; it's certainly not $6 when I do it.

(I can't recall ever seeing pork shoulder for $0.99/lb, but maybe that's just a US thing.)

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011


I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Is there any thread derail more boring than "what do you spend on food?"/"anyone who spends less on groceries than me is a bean-eating poor and anyone who spends more is a decadent maniac" chat? Let's go back to Reddit:

Me [29 F] with my husband [30 M], together 9.5 years & married 5, I overheard him talking about our sex life in detail with a friend [30? M]Relationships
submitted 4 hours ago by pepepenguin[🍰]

quote:

Apologies for the long post. So, my husband [30 M] and I [29 F] have been together for 9.5-10 years, married for half that time. We have usually had an amazing relationship, and I work my rear end of on our communication, as well as doing a lot of work to keep our relationship healthy. He's been working on communicating better (he's kind of bad at it, but has been making a ton of effort.) I had been super happy with where we were in our relationship. I felt super steady. He was my rock, I was his, and our relationship was going really, incredibly well, dare I say the best we’ve ever been. I’ve found in our relationship I need to be direct and purposeful with my communication, so that’s something that I’ve done for a good portion of our time together.

Let me preclude that I thought that we had an incredibly healthy sex life, and an incredibly healthy connection concerning those matters, mostly because we work so hard on having a healthy relationship in general and that of course extends to all parts of said relationship. He was also very much aware that, in my opinion, our sexual life was between us, and I was not ok with other people knowing certain aspects of that part of our life. I’ll talk with friends about sex all day (different toys & attitudes, etc. - I believe in maintaining a sex positive viewpoint), but I don’t like to talk to anyone else about OUR sex, at least not in extreme detail with incredibly private thoughts and feelings added in. We’ve had many conversations about this, and he knows how private I am about these matters because I’ve explicitly told him multiple times that experiences, fantasies, desires, conversations, etc. concerning such matters were only to be between me and him unless explicitly notified otherwise.

Two days ago, we had a friend [30? M] from out of town come in to celebrate his birthday with us. The friend is staying with us for the weekend, and has been my husband's best friend for around 11 or 12 years. We were all watching a movie, during which I fell asleep on the couch. Later on in the night I woke up, and my husband and friend were in the kitchen, talking. My husband was talking about our sex life in extreme detail. I'm saying, like, a play by play (with judgments on how good/bad I was), relaying my sexual fantasies in extreme detail (with judgments concerning them), talking about what I do and do not like in bed, what he thinks he could 'get away with'. He also started talking about what he thinks I'd be willing to do after I 'pop out a couple of kids' because 'after that, all those nerve endings down there are ruined'. We don't even know if we will have kids, much less whether we will foster/adopt (something I want to do) or I get pregnant (which I'm not so keen on). I could go on, but I hope that you all get the idea. At one point, friend even checked to see if I had woken up, and husband dismissed him saying I'm asleep, I'm fine, it doesn't matter.

Eventually I did get up off the couch, and went upstairs. I honestly don’t know why I stayed on the couch so long, I had just woken up in the middle of the night and was trying to figure out what was going on I guess. Husband saw me go up, realized he messed up, and came upstairs. He apologized in an "immediate damage control" type of way, and then ended up sleeping on the couch that night because it was obvious that I didn't want even want to be near him. When he heard me wake up the next morning, he came upstairs and apologized again; this time it was an actual apology. He didn’t make excuses for his what he said, he didn’t try to defend himself and say it was all in my head. There were a couple of moments with “it was just guy talk”, but overall he realized why that point of view isn’t OK when it comes to violating the implication & expectation of trust that two people agree to in a relationship.

Half of me wants to say that he should make it up to me with some big romantic movement, and that I shouldn’t forgive him until he does. But the rational side of me knows how ridiculous that sounds, and in the normal overarching scheme of relationships I’m not a big fan of one person making it up to another after an indiscretion anyway. I normally prefer for both participants to acknowledge the wrongdoing, apologize, and work to make the relationship better and not make the same mistake again. But he’s never made a mistake this big before.

I feel so violated. I feel my trust has been violated. I feel my personal thoughts and feelings have all been violated. I feel sexually violated, knowing there is someone out there who knows some of my most intimate thoughts and actions, and it’s not someone with whom I would be OK sharing such information. I feel betrayed, and I feel so hurt, because the person I should be able to trust the most is the person who betrayed me. And I feel so sad, because it feels like my view of the strong relationship we had once held is now shattered. But I still love him so much, and I know he honestly realizes his mistake.

However, I don’t know that I trust my husband anymore, and I have no idea how to work with him to build that trust back. I have no idea how to overcome my feelings of sadness, hurt, betrayal, and violation. I know it will take time for these things to come back, but I have no idea where to start, and as such I have no idea what to tell him when he asks me what I need and how we start to work through this. I’m at a loss as to what to do.

tl;dr: Heard my husband talking about our sex life in extreme detail (with judgmental comments) to someone whom I was not OK with knowing that level of detail. He's apologized, but how do I get over my hurt, and how do we build back our trust?

... with this toolbag!

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug
I dunno mang, usually my breakfast is something like a scramble/omelette, I dunno how you would even spend more than 1.50 on ingredients for that, lunch is either leftovers of something like stew/stir fry or a sandwich made from meat from a roast/chicken/etc which is again like 1-3 bucks, and dinner is occasionally something nicer like steak or whatever it is I get the leftovers for lunch from (ie a potroast, chicken, etc), probably the most money goes into side dishes so it tends to be the more expensive meal of the day. Add in some fruit/nuts/granola as snacks and it's easily under 6/day on average.

I guess this is just one of those topics, some people swear they can't eat anything without spending 100/wk on food but I know when I was in school and had a tight budget I got on just fine off 20-25/wk and feel like doubling that lets me buy all the fancy cheeses and steaks I could reasonably eat and I honestly hardly ever eat rice.

54 40 or fuck
Jan 4, 2012

No Yanda's allowed

Antivehicular posted:

Is there any thread derail more boring than "what do you spend on food?"/"anyone who spends less on groceries than me is a bean-eating poor and anyone who spends more is a decadent maniac" chat? Let's go back to Reddit:

Me [29 F] with my husband [30 M], together 9.5 years & married 5, I overheard him talking about our sex life in detail with a friend [30? M]Relationships
submitted 4 hours ago by pepepenguin[🍰]


... with this toolbag!

Ooooh this guy better really up his Valentine's Day game this year. This is exactly the type of situation where wanting that grand romantic gesture she's talking about is totally justified

Bubblyblubber
Nov 17, 2014
I'm always slightly shocked when I come across American's dislike for the divine grain. Don't you realize that your refusal to partake on God's cereal will render your lineages weak and feeble, easy pickings when the almighty latins and orientals rise up on a fearsome wave of arroz con pollo and rice cakes?

Eat rice, you fools! Save yourselves!

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Bubblyblubber
Nov 17, 2014
Like this fine young man:

quote:

Me [29 F] with my SO [29 M] of 6 years, he keeps making "fancy" food, how to tactfully stop him ?
u/Ordinaryfoodplease345d
I work in the next town over, and spends a bit of time traveling while my SO works from home. He used to work at an office but now it's full time from home, so he makes all the meals during the week, it just makes sense.

Lately he only talks to me about food. What he saw on master chef, what meal a famous chef made, new exiting foods etc. I'm serious, he sometimes have small lecture on how to make crispy duck, or the difference between whole grains vs orinairly flour etc. I get it! He likes food, and I enjoy eating, for the most part. It's just gotten so incredible common for him to talk about food, flavor etc.

Im a easy girl to please in the food department. I'll eat about anything, and enjoy basic stuff like pizza, pastas, vegetables, soup etc. We also have an incredible supportive relationship where we encourage eachother to do new things etc, and we are very polite to each other.

The issue: I'm raised in the belief that if someone makes a meal for you you eat it and compliment the chef, no matter what (unless it's uneatable ). But at the same time I'm getting so sick and tired of coming home, dog tired and getting something weird for dinner. I just wants some spagetti or pork chops, I think it's okay to try to make a fancy meal once in a while, it's fun. But this week I've been served: herring (apparently all the rage now!) ricotta pasta, liver pate, and some chili that was so hot it still burns. The breaking point today was that we have Taco Fridays, and it's the highlight of my week, but it wasn't fancy enough so he added a gently caress ton of chili and so much smoked paprika (a spice? ?)That my favourite meal just tasted liquid smoke and hot. He also adds vinegar to everything, but adds so much that it all tasted like sour old feet.

I really don't want to come of childish or spoiled, I just want some plain loving dinner, I don't care about appetisers and tiny fancy balls of rice I just want some gravy and potatoes. It's every day. I can't ever expect a normal meal, it's always some dudes recipe of floating fish foam or whatever fuckery, and as usual with new meals it takes some practise, so more often than not its to spicy, to salty, bland or just plain weird.

How can I tell my dear dear SO that I just want some plain lasagna without "improvement " once in a while ? I would be more than happy to eat experimental food like once or twice a week, but I have started to buy fastfood on the way home so I won't cry from dissapointment when I get home. Help me phrase this please!

Tl;dr : My SO wants to be a food scientists, I just want some pizza

A SPICE??? IN MY NOURISHING GRUEL?????

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