NFL February N/V: Now back to facing the Apocalypse.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL February N/V: Now back to facing the Apocalypse.

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Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

TB loves him some Jason Taylor.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 18:24

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# ? May 9, 2024 22:22

FizFashizzle: Mar 30, 2005

I was firing up the ownage cannon before I noticed the poster

# ? Feb 10, 2017 18:25

Blitz of 404 Error: Sep 19, 2007; Joe Biden is a top 15 president

JJ Watt isn't even in the top 5 for the Texans? Better tell that to literally every girl in Houston

# ? Feb 10, 2017 18:33

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Yeah Jordan Cameron is retarded but holy god the women that show up to games because of him... my god.

There's a famous instagram photo of the hottest woman I've ever seen who body painted the dolphins jersey on herself and out Cameron's name on her back.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 18:36

FUCKFACE MORON: Apr 23, 2010; by sebmojo

They say the hottest women are also the craziest

# ? Feb 10, 2017 18:41

fsif: Jul 18, 2003

Amy Pole Her posted:

Yeah Jordan Cameron is retarded but holy god the women that show up to games because of him... my god.

There's a famous instagram photo of the hottest woman I've ever seen who body painted the dolphins jersey on herself and out Cameron's name on her back.

Not in the top 5!

# ? Feb 10, 2017 18:42

internet inc: Jun 13, 2005; brb
_{taking pictures

of ur house}

Where do you all get your cheap Chinese football jerseys from? There's a recommendation that's often thrown around for this but I can't remember.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 18:48

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000785171/article/john-lynchs-daughter-the-49ers-are-horrible

quote:

Most general managers and coaches sit squarely in a vortex of meaningless words, spewing non-answers and droning on about nothingness. Their children, however, can speak the truth.

Speaking with NFL Network's Michael Silver on Thursday after his introductory news conference, 49ers GM John Lynch told the story of his 9-year-old daughter getting upset after his hiring by the team.

"I think the toughest one -- I haven't told this yet to the media -- all my kids took it really well," Lynch said. "They were shocked but they took it really well. My 9-year-old started bawling, and she's not that girl. She's the one that was always happy. And she was crying, and I said, 'What's wrong Leah? Are you afraid? Is there some nervous anxiety about moving?' And she said, 'No daddy,' and she was sobbing. And I said, 'What's wrong?' And she said, 'The 49ers are horrible.' So, I said, 'Well, I think that's why they hired your daddy."

Leah is not wrong. (Maybe she can get an assistant GM title?)

The 49ers own one of the worst rosters in the NFL. Their 2-14 season came a year after a 5-11 season. They are on their third coach in three years. They don't have a reliable quarterback. They have a bunch of No. 3 and No. 4 receivers. Their defense finished dead last in the NFL in stopping the run in 2016 (by more than 20 yards per game).

Lynch's job will be to quickly infuse talent into a roster worn thin by poor drafts, early retirements and injuries.

The 49ers are "horrible," to use Leah's word. Now Lynch and coach Kyle Shanahan are there to help resurrect the NFL's one-time model franchise.

It can't get worse, right?

# ? Feb 10, 2017 18:50

Groovelord Neato: Dec 6, 2014

Spoeank posted:

Is this where homerism takes us in February

amendola, edelman, "handsome" jimmy g (it's in his name), brady, hogan.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 18:55

GaussianCopula: Jun 5, 2011; Jews fleeing the Holocaust are not in any way comparable to North Africans, who don't flee genocide but want to enjoy the social welfare systems of Northern Europe.

Groovelord Neato posted:

amendola, edelman, "handsome" jimmy g (it's in his name), brady, hogan.

Gronk?

In other news: McCown is going to be on the Patriots coaching staff real soon right?

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000785185/article/mccown-garoppolo-has-potential-to-carry-a-franchise

# ? Feb 10, 2017 18:57

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

After reading that story, I'm pretty sure Josh McCown should probably be in the concussion protocol.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 19:00

Ostentatious: Sep 29, 2010

GaussianCopula posted:

So I'm right now debating whether teams should want Martellus Bennett on their team prompted by this tweet

https://twitter.com/MartysaurusRex/status/830099902466314241

Why you would want him? He is a good to very good TE that can block and catch passes.

Why you wouldn't want him? He declined a 7m py contract from New England before the 2016 season, which means his price is almost certainly considerably higher now. His track record with teams is not the best, often developing into some kind of locker room disturbance. In addition to that he is now used to winning and the Patriots way, which might make him flame out even faster if your team is struggles.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 19:02

Nodoze: Aug 17, 2006; If it's only for a night I can live without you

Not sure how you could do the most attractive NFL player list without Jimmy G and Tony Romo at the top of it. List destroyed

# ? Feb 10, 2017 19:43

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

https://twitter.com/BleacherReport/status/830126088474992641

# ? Feb 10, 2017 19:48

Alaois: Feb 7, 2012

FizFashizzle posted:

Also it might be a Russian disinformation operation since they've been caught with a few russified typos

cyka blyat, i've been had

# ? Feb 10, 2017 19:52

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Blitz7x posted:

JJ Watt isn't even in the top 5 for the Texans? Better tell that to literally every girl in Houston

Mercilus looks kind of like a young Idris Elba which I never noticed before. No wonder he was #1

The other four on that list are various shades of weird looking and I have no idea how they finished above Cushing, Watt, Brown, Sua Filo or Covington

How is Cam not in the top 5 for the Panthers?

Gonz posted:

https://twitter.com/BleacherReport/status/830126088474992641

Intruder fucked around with this message at 20:11 on Feb 10, 2017

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:09

FUCKFACE MORON: Apr 23, 2010; by sebmojo

Intruder posted:

How is Cam not in the top 5 for the Panthers?

Hint: it rhymes with "figment"

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:17

Bigass Moth: Mar 6, 2004; I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.

he knows...

bligment...I knew it!

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:20

Spring Break My Heart: Feb 15, 2012

Jiminy Christmas! Shoes! posted:

There was a lot of data here.

http://wearefanatics.com/most-attractive-nfl-teams/

Rough year for the Jags.

12 of the top 13 most attractive players are white

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:29

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

go go go go ROSCOE! posted:

Hint: it rhymes with "figment"

Their #1 is black

I'm legit disappointed the Colts didn't somehow have Luck sneak onto the list

Intruder fucked around with this message at 20:32 on Feb 10, 2017

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:30

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

Broccoli ears doesn't rhyme with figment.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:32

weird Asian candy: Aug 23, 2005; Ask me about how my football team's success determines my self worth, and how I wish I lived in New Orleans.

Intruder posted:

Their #1 is black

No, I think he is saying Cam likes thin mints. I can't really argue with him either...especially when right out of the freezer.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:32

Alaois: Feb 7, 2012

Intruder posted:

Their #1 is black

The only non-black guy in their top 5 is the punter at 4

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:33

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

This may be too much nitpicking at a list that has Joe Flacco as the most attractive person in the NFL

He's not even the most attractive QB on his own team

Intruder fucked around with this message at 20:36 on Feb 10, 2017

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:34

FUCKFACE MORON: Apr 23, 2010; by sebmojo

weird Asian candy posted:

No, I think he is saying Cam likes thin mints. I can't really argue with him either...especially when right out of the freezer.

the one and only way to eat thin mints

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:35

uh oh pancho!: Sep 3, 2004; THE MARATHON WAS COMPLETED SUCCESSFULLY CLEAR TIME SGDQ18

go go go go ROSCOE! posted:

the one and only way to eat thin mints

or any girl scout cookie, really. samoas and tagalongs are also great frozen.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:37

weird Asian candy: Aug 23, 2005; Ask me about how my football team's success determines my self worth, and how I wish I lived in New Orleans.

go go go go ROSCOE! posted:

the one and only way to eat thin mints

Agreed.

Also Peanut M&M's.

Also Reese's.

Also Kit Kats.

I think freezer + chocolate is just a really strong combination. Don't @ me.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:40

waah: Jun 20, 2011; Better stay in line when
You see a Pavel like me shinin

Maybe they polled fake women or player wives or something because Keuchly doesn't make the Panthers top 10 either. And most of the girls I know back home are all about Luke.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:40

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

Intruder posted:

He's not even the most attractive QB on his own team

I mean, congrats on knowing what Dustin Vaughan looks like but I don't think I can agree.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:41

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Aw hell I didn't realize the Ravens had released Josh Johnson

# ? Feb 10, 2017 20:42

SunshineDanceParty: Feb 7, 2006; One Road. Two Friends. One Ass.

Josh Johnson's had quite a decent career as a journeyman backup. But he'll always be the two time Madden MVP of my heart.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 21:00

weird Asian candy: Aug 23, 2005; Ask me about how my football team's success determines my self worth, and how I wish I lived in New Orleans.

2nd Rounder...Traded up for... :laffo:

Buccaneers GM Jason Licht said K Roberto Aguayo "needs to have a great camp" to make the team.

"We will do everything we can to bring in the best competition at that position," said Licht. "I think Dirk [Koetter] even said he�s not locked into this roster." Aguayo is on notice after making just 71 percent of his kicks as a rookie last season. Pewter Report's Scott Reynolds suggests the Bucs could bring in Steven Hauschka to compete with Aguayo this summer. Hauschka is an impending free agent and probably won't be back with the Seahawks, who just signed former Vikings kicker Blair Walsh to a new deal.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 21:17

sean10mm: Jun 29, 2005; It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

mastershakeman posted:

argh, my petard

Don't worry, I've solved QB grading for you with my innovative Quarterback Report Card (QBRC) that returns easy-to-interpret grades! :v:

code:

Rk	Name	        AY/A	QBRC	Grade
1	Matt Ryan	10.1	107	A++
2	Tom Brady	9.3	99	A+ 
3	Dak Prescott	8.6	91	A-
4	Aaron Rodgers	8.1	86	B
5	Kirk Cousins	8.0	85	B
6	Marcus Mariota	7.9	84	B
7	Drew Brees	7.8	83	B
8	Andrew Luck	7.8	83	B
9	Russell Wilson	7.6	81	B-
10	Andy Dalton	7.5	79	C+
11	Derek Carr	7.5	79	C+
12	Roethlisberger	7.5	79	C+
13	Stafford	7.3	77	C+
14	Sam Bradford	7.3	77	C+
15	Ryan Tannehill	7.3	77	C+
16	Kaepernick	7.2	76	C
17	Philip Rivers	7.1	75	C
18	Tyrod Taylor	7.1	75	C
19	Alex Smith	7.0	74	C
20	Carson Palmer	6.9	73	C
21	Jameis Winston	6.8	72	C-
22	Trevor Siemian	6.8	72	C-
23	Eli Manning	6.4	68	D+
24	Cam Newton	6.4	68	D+
25	Joe Flacco	6.0	64	D+
26	Case Keenum	5.9	63	D+
27	Blake Bortles	5.8	61	D-
28	Carson Wentz	5.7	60	D-
29	Fitzpatrick	5.4	57	F
30	Brock Osweiler	5.0	53	F
31	Jared Goff	4.3	46	F
	Mean 	        7.1	75	C
        Median	        7.2	76	C

It's just adjusted yards per attempt indexed so the league average = 75

# ? Feb 10, 2017 21:18

mastershakeman: Oct 28, 2008; by vyelkin

sean10mm posted:

Don't worry, I've solved QB grading for you with my innovative Quarterback Report Card (QBRC) that returns easy-to-interpret grades! :v:

code:

Rk	Name	        AY/A	QBRC	Grade
1	Matt Ryan	10.1	107	A++
2	Tom Brady	9.3	99	A+ 
3	Dak Prescott	8.6	91	A-
4	Aaron Rodgers	8.1	86	B
5	Kirk Cousins	8.0	85	B
6	Marcus Mariota	7.9	84	B
7	Drew Brees	7.8	83	B
8	Andrew Luck	7.8	83	B
9	Russell Wilson	7.6	81	B-
10	Andy Dalton	7.5	79	C+
11	Derek Carr	7.5	79	C+
12	Roethlisberger	7.5	79	C+
13	Stafford	7.3	77	C+
14	Sam Bradford	7.3	77	C+
15	Ryan Tannehill	7.3	77	C+
16	Kaepernick	7.2	76	C
17	Philip Rivers	7.1	75	C
18	Tyrod Taylor	7.1	75	C
19	Alex Smith	7.0	74	C
20	Carson Palmer	6.9	73	C
21	Jameis Winston	6.8	72	C-
22	Trevor Siemian	6.8	72	C-
23	Eli Manning	6.4	68	D+
24	Cam Newton	6.4	68	D+
25	Joe Flacco	6.0	64	D+
26	Case Keenum	5.9	63	D+
27	Blake Bortles	5.8	61	D-
28	Carson Wentz	5.7	60	D-
29	Fitzpatrick	5.4	57	F
30	Brock Osweiler	5.0	53	F
31	Jared Goff	4.3	46	F
	Mean 	        7.1	75	C
        Median	        7.2	76	C

It's just adjusted yards per attempt indexed so the league average = 75

that's really cool, how'd you index it like that? I'd like to see active players over their careers. There's no question ryan had an amazing year (his y/a was 9.3, almost 2 full points over his career)

# ? Feb 10, 2017 21:21

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

weird Asian candy posted:

2nd Rounder...Traded up for...

Buccaneers GM Jason Licht said K Roberto Aguayo "needs to have a great camp" to make the team.

It was KC the Bucs traded with and I remember being initially annoyed because there was someone or other I wanted to take at that spot.

I pretty much immediately forgot about that when I heard the pick and ever since I can't do anything but laugh when I think about it.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 21:21

pubic works project: Jan 28, 2005; No Decepticon in history, and I say this with great surety, has been treated worse or more unfairly.

Amy Pole Her posted:

Yeah Jordan Cameron is retarded but holy god the women that show up to games because of him... my god.

There's a famous instagram photo of the hottest woman I've ever seen who body painted the dolphins jersey on herself and out Cameron's name on her back.

You can't just drop this little tidbit and not post the picture!

# ? Feb 10, 2017 21:22

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

If anyone wants some offensive line pornography: http://insidethepylon.com/film-study/film-study-nfl/offense-film-study-nfl/2017/02/10/2016-underrated-nfl-offensive-line-team-awards/

It's writeups on five of the best performing little noticed linemen this year along with a bunch of video highlights showing sweet rear end / hilariously terrible blocking plays:

You gotta at least watch Riley Reiff kill some poor bastard on a screen play.

# ? Feb 10, 2017 21:36

Coldforge: Oct 29, 2002; I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.

https://twitter.com/KNBR/status/830143611849240576

Justin Smith should be the new HC next year (and every year after that).

# ? Feb 10, 2017 21:41

GonadTheBallbarian: Jul 23, 2007

Kalli posted:

offensive line pornography

my hungover brain went somewhere completely different than football for a second there

# ? Feb 10, 2017 21:44

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# ? May 9, 2024 22:22

sean10mm: Jun 29, 2005; It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

mastershakeman posted:

that's really cool, how'd you index it like that? I'd like to see active players over their careers. There's no question ryan had an amazing year (his y/a was 9.3, almost 2 full points over his career)

1) So I found the average, which was 7.1.
2) I arbitrarily decided that I wanted to make the average = 75, so it's like grades in school. This has no real meaning other than being easier for my brain to process than the difference between 7.2 and 8.3 or whatever.
3) Divide 75 by 7.1. That gives you 10.6
4) Multiply everything by 10.6.

e: There is an easier way to do this, even. PFR has every stat for every player already indexed against the league average for every year, the only difference is that they index the league average to 100 instead of 75. If you want to turn them into "letter grade" #s just multiply them by .75, like this:

code:

Year	Age	AY/A+ 	ANY/A+	Rate+ 
2001*	24	79	77	83
2002	25	77	79	83
2003	26	80	80	80
2004*	27	88	89	86
2005*	28	86	87	86
2006	29	80	81	82
2007*+	30	107	107	111
2009*	32	86	90	87
2010*+	33	95	96	98
2011*	34	98	99	95
2012*	35	88	90	87
2013*	36	76	77	76
2014*	37	81	85	84
2015*	38	89	89	89
2016*	39	101	105	100

sean10mm fucked around with this message at 22:15 on Feb 10, 2017

# ? Feb 10, 2017 22:03

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL February N/V: Now back to facing the Apocalypse.

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