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ChaseSP posted:So when do you decide to give your apprentice the talk about good and evil being meaningless concepts that only get in the way of a persons true desires whether it be glory or to unravel the seal of a millenia old demilich whose gaze can steal a man's soul. Eh I just always end up feeding them to the skeletons
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Feb 6, 2017 06:31
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jon joe posted:I'm casting necromancy on this thread. Well, that is something an evil wizard would certainly do; excellent.
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Feb 9, 2017 05:43
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<----
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Feb 9, 2017 06:23
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Dark Magician!!!!!!
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Feb 9, 2017 06:31
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Hey fellow Evil Wizards... does anyone know any incantations, invocations, or hexes to get a good parking spot in an urban core? Dark Magic, Blood Magic, and Demon Magic are ok, because there's no such thing as right or wrong. Please advise. I will trade you the spell for a batch of enthralled goblins. (Note: They're swamp goblins.)
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Feb 10, 2017 18:53
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i'm making a pocket dimension for myself, and i can not decide on a small sphere world like King Kai or an endless white void like The Matrix. fellow arcanists, what is the trend right now in pocket plane interior design?
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Feb 10, 2017 19:14
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key party favors posted:Hey fellow Evil Wizards... does anyone know any incantations, invocations, or hexes to get a good parking spot in an urban core? Dark Magic, Blood Magic, and Demon Magic are ok, because there's no such thing as right or wrong. Please advise. I will trade you the spell for a batch of enthralled goblins. (Note: They're swamp goblins.) You cannot circumvent The Laws, you must Keep them. Keep The Laws. You may want to consider outsourcing your urban needs to the Guild of Assassins and Thieves, they may be able to help you out.
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Feb 10, 2017 19:18
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i dont know why you keep saying that i've broken the laws no less than six times, as has been convenient for me.
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Feb 10, 2017 19:28
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im chaotic evil, lawful evil is for losers
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Feb 10, 2017 19:52
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neutral evil is the evil for me.
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Feb 10, 2017 20:12
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Hey thread, need some help here. I've been considering going evil ever since I was accepted to magical school, but I'm having a hard time deciding on a major. I've been mostly taking classes in Hexing but lately I've felt a really strong draw to necromancy since it seems win win: kill an enemy, get a skeleton. Only problem is that the extra credits would keep me from taking any more courses in Dark Artificing, and I've always wanted to make a black amulet to store the soul of my nemesis in. Any necromantiphiliacs out there who can give me the inside scoop on if the lifestyle is all it's cracked up to be? How's your work/unlife balance?
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Feb 10, 2017 20:39
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its just a means to an end dude. ask yourself where you want to be in this world and what kind of magics can get you there. Just go for it, but make sure you know if your path has any pitfalls of madness within. I tend to avoid the stuff that's got a high risk of corruption personally
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Feb 10, 2017 20:47
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Never sell a wizard an expired fishing license.
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Feb 10, 2017 20:56
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Yeah that's why I switched out of Eldritch Geometry, I was starting to hear voices every time I saw a right angle. Bad news. Anyone out there who can speak on the job prospects for necromancers vs dark artifact crafters? I feel like there will always be a demand out there for a good Cursed Monkey Paw or Staff of Torment, and if something happens to that market I can always schlep it making +1 Wands of Conjuring or something. Necromancy seems a lot less fungible. What if I've raised an army of skeletons but then zombies come back in vogue? There's no re- fleshing your army of the damned.
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Feb 10, 2017 21:02
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The draw back to dark artificing in general is that you have to move shops every time you sell an item, immediately after they leave your store. That kind of address hopping can play hell on maintaining a business license. Have you considered interning for an established necromancer to get a feel for it?
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Feb 10, 2017 21:09
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I don't suppose any of you would have the whim to help a wizard? I commissioned a portrait of my fellow dark sorceror, Black Gandalf, and unfortunately no longer remember the name of the artist or the painting. All my scrying, locating, memory-charm spells are uhhhh out of charge, can't find the plug thing. Anyway it's a painting of a wizard with a frosty can of beer, he's sitting at a modern table (not marble) and looking at you, all, "Have a cold one, man, let's shoot the poo poo about mandrakes." Thanks in advance.
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Feb 10, 2017 21:13
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Hobelhouse posted:Yeah that's why I switched out of Eldritch Geometry, I was starting to hear voices every time I saw a right angle. Bad news. I have a lot of friends who are dark artificers or necromancer, and in my experience the dark artificers make more money on average, but no dark artificer is ever going to be as famous as or reach the untold heights of power of the most famous necromancers. On the other hand, being a necromancer is a lot riskier; there are more paladins that go around killing necromancers than dark artificers. In the end, it depends on whether you prefer above average reward at low risk, or massive potential reward at high risk.
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Feb 10, 2017 21:17
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jon joe posted:I have a lot of friends who are dark artificers or necromancer, and in my experience the dark artificers make more money on average, but no dark artificer is ever going to be as famous as or reach the untold heights of power of the most famous necromancers. On the other hand, being a necromancer is a lot riskier; there are more paladins that go around killing necromancers than dark artificers. But some of the real greats were artificiers weren't they - remember Sauron and the rings? And Voldemort had a pretty good run with his Horcruxes too. Is it just that you only hear about the guys who made it big? I guess there's not too much glory in turning out Staves of Excruciation day in and day out, but what if you're the guy who comes up with some new big thing, an artifact even bigger and eviller than the Amulet of Soul Binding, the Phylacter of Immorality, or Windows 10? The Evil Patent royalties alone would be worth it...
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Feb 10, 2017 22:44
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Anyone got a spare tome of Demonic to Common Ciphers? I need to dig up Goreblax the Blood Cruncher's real name to nullify our demonic pact. The deal's gone sour over the past decade and I'm getting him really tired of leaving me voicemails about how he's gonna sue me and take me to demon court again. Alternatively if anyone's got a summoning ritual for a Greater Daemon that'll absorb him for a few kidnapped maiden's that'd be cool too. Edit:I lost my copy cause some halfling fuckwits hired a really good rogue to look around my archive for some crap. I got the bastards, but their blood ruined the runes. Bacontotem fucked around with this message at 23:17 on Feb 10, 2017 |
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Feb 10, 2017 23:14
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what about evil sith wizards? I've been hunting the sith tombs on dromund kaas for the key to immortality and i've slowly been going insane and i see tomb horrors in my nightmares
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Feb 10, 2017 23:15
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So a quick update on my cult. We're doing great! I managed to make a couple of alliances tht have really helped me out. First I convinced a fallen angel to join as the focus of worship. He killed an annoying mortal and all of a sudden he's kicked out of heaven. He doesn't want to go be a demon in Hell (who would honestly, as a necromancer I prefer the chill of a nice tomb). So this worked out perfectly for both of us. A devil named Baalthshebel has agreed to some magical exchanges as well. I send him sacrifices occasionally, and he gives me artifacts and powerful spells. Which is how I got my scroll of Immortal Undeath. Yes I am finally getting to begin my transformation to an immortal Lich Lord! I am quite excited. One other alliance has presented itself, but I am hesitant to take it. My town is home to a mad scientist! He has no interest in dominating anything, just perfecting his killbots. His presence is obviously very dangerous. But making him an enemy could attract unwanted attention. He wants to study my magic to see how it works "scientifically." This is obviously not acceptable. How should I deal with this?
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Feb 10, 2017 23:22
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basic hitler posted:what about evil sith wizards? I've been hunting the sith tombs on dromund kaas for the key to immortality and i've slowly been going insane and i see tomb horrors in my nightmares You really want to send adventurers into Sith tombs instead. Once they go insane or dark side you can just mind dominate them to your will and keep plundering. Going by yourself is a quick way to get eaten by a dormant Ooze or a trapped Demon. sweet geek swag posted:So a quick update on my cult. We're doing great! I managed to make a couple of alliances tht have really helped me out. First I convinced a fallen angel to join as the focus of worship. He killed an annoying mortal and all of a sudden he's kicked out of heaven. He doesn't want to go be a demon in Hell (who would honestly, as a necromancer I prefer the chill of a nice tomb). So this worked out perfectly for both of us. Kill him asap or enthrall him to your will. Evil scientists really tend to get cowardly if Paladins kick in their front door and their plans fail. At least as your thrall you can psychically strangle him before he gives up too much intel.
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Feb 10, 2017 23:26
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Hobelhouse posted:But some of the real greats were artificiers weren't they - remember Sauron and the rings? And Voldemort had a pretty good run with his Horcruxes too. Sauron, maybe. I don't think a multi-talented Renaissance wizard like that can be nailed down to a single vocation, though. I mean, he spent a long time going by just "The Necromancer". Nobody who wasn't a full up, bonafide necromancer (with huge balls) could pull off something like that. But the V-man definitely doesn't count, and I think he'd have gone further if he did. If he'd made his own wands instead of relying on buggy store-bought models or ancient artifacts he hadn't properly researched, well - no use wondering what could've been.
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Feb 10, 2017 23:41
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Blurry Gray Thing posted:Sauron, maybe. I don't think a multi-talented Renaissance wizard like that can be nailed down to a single vocation, though. I mean, he spent a long time going by just "The Necromancer". Nobody who wasn't a full up, bonafide necromancer (with huge balls) could pull off something like that. Yeah, don't get me wrong, artificing in general (not just dark artificing) is a great addition to your arsenal. But if it's your bread and butter, don't expect to transmogrify that into a five course meal. Now enchanting, on the other hand, is a highly related field that's pushed out some great ones. Morgan le Fay! Jafar! The hero of Kvatch before becoming Sheogorath!
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Feb 10, 2017 23:48
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My gelatinous cube just mitosed everywhere. Anyone want a few cubies? Great for keeping your dungeons clean! Works better then scrubbing bubbles!
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Feb 10, 2017 23:51
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The real problem with artificing is it's just so profitable. I mean at first it's all "battling over meteoric iron ore" and "infusing it with the the blood of virgin princess souls to enthrall the will of men" but after you forge and sell your tenth million-gold-piece-horcrux you look around your treasure hall and the endless piles of gold coins and you're like, 'should all my funds be in commodities?' So you diversify and then you're reluctant to summon the ancient ones to destroy all life (because the the effects on the stock market) and pretty soon you're a lawful-neutral hedge-fund sorcerer with a jewelry hobby
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Feb 10, 2017 23:55
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naem posted:The real problem with artificing is it's just so profitable. (Cackles evilly)
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Feb 10, 2017 23:58
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VendaGoat posted:(Cackles evilly) They say money is the root of all evil but I've seen money turn a LOT of evil guys neutral in my day
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Feb 11, 2017 00:00
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naem posted:They say money is the root of all evil but I've seen money turn a LOT of evil guys neutral in my day I think he's cackling because his gelatinous cubes are eating your gold and artifact supply.
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Feb 11, 2017 00:02
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jon joe posted:I think he's cackling because his gelatinous cubes are eating your gold and artifact supply. (cackles neutrally)
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Feb 11, 2017 00:05
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jon joe posted:I think he's cackling because his gelatinous cubes are eating your gold and artifact supply. They don't do that. They only digest organic matter. They are perfect for getting that pesky cleric out of his full plate +5. Bonus, it shines it up as well! You're thinking of green slime, which is just a blight upon Faerūn. naem posted:(cackles neutrally) 
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Feb 11, 2017 00:48
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Ugh, don't get me started on the neutral students over here. Always talking about how the phases of the moon interact with NASDAQ fluctuations and other penny-ante BS like that. They think they're so ambitious but they have no desire AT ALL to warp the rules of reality to their basest whims! What a joke. At least they aren't Good, though. Holy magic... more like ASSholy magic, amirite? The Good frat threw a party last week and it was so lame, I hear they didn't even have any succubi. I think they just played Yahtzee... not even MAGIC Yahtzee. What a bunch of puds.
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Feb 11, 2017 00:56
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pop fly to McGillicutty posted:Eye of newt *scribes spell into spellbook* Good thread, would scribe again
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Feb 11, 2017 01:03
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Just turn elf blood into gold. Mortal Money is pointless. You can get a MUCH bigger R.O.I on sorrow and despair. I've been hording Despair Infused Gems for quite awhile, they make for great currency on the ethereal planes, especially if you have make a deal or two with an Extradimensional Entity of Evil, you know, an EEE... In fact, now has never been a better time to invest in Despair Gems...send your blood ravens to The Crooked Spire upon Mistmire, and 5 o.z of dread dust, and I'll cut you a deal.
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Feb 11, 2017 01:06
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Hey thread, I hope you guys don't mind a noobie question. I'm just a regular evil guy but I'm thinking about taking a couple levels of evil wizard. I'm a human so hopefully that won't be a problem! My question is what edition of the Player's Handbook would be best for an evil wizard just starting out? TIA.
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Feb 11, 2017 01:20
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Hobelhouse posted:Ugh, don't get me started on the neutral students over here. Always talking about how the phases of the moon interact with NASDAQ fluctuations and other penny-ante BS like that. They think they're so ambitious but they have no desire AT ALL to warp the rules of reality to their basest whims! What a joke. Oh, let the kids have their fun. The best of them will grow out of it. Some of the best and most creative undead horrors I know were pious and good in life.
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Feb 11, 2017 01:21
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key party favors posted:Just turn elf blood into gold. Mortal Money is pointless. You can get a MUCH bigger R.O.I on sorrow and despair. I've been hording Despair Infused Gems for quite awhile, they make for great currency on the ethereal planes, especially if you have make a deal or two with an Extradimensional Entity of Evil, you know, an EEE... *rolls a natural twenty on sense motive* Hmmmm... *Casts clairvoyance on his crystal ball and does his due diligence.* I knew it! Hey! Hey everyone! This guy is running a Ziggurat scheme! He just takes your gold and blood ravens and sends you a "gem"with Faerie Fire on it. It's not even a real gem. It's Earth Elemental turds.
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Feb 11, 2017 01:21
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Curl_like_smoke posted:Hey thread, I hope you guys don't mind a noobie question. I'm just a regular evil guy but I'm thinking about taking a couple levels of evil wizard. I'm a human so hopefully that won't be a problem! My question is what edition of the Player's Handbook would be best for an evil wizard just starting out? TIA. Edition? Players Handbook? What in the Nine Hell's are you talking about? I think we got ourselves a paladin here guys.
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Feb 11, 2017 01:41
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sweet geek swag posted:Edition? Players Handbook? What in the Nine Hell's are you talking about? I think we got ourselves a paladin here guys. I think he's from this alternate dimension I've heard of, where normal things like owlbears and kolbalds are just imaginary things in a game based on fictional novels. I had a couple materialize in my castle keep once, we had a long fascinating talk about how magic is real and all their adventurous dreams really could come true here in the land of fantasy; then of course I fed them to the skeletons
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Feb 11, 2017 01:54
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gently caress gently caress gently caress gently caress gently caress. Anyone know a Elder Lich that won't devour your soul upon waking him up? I got a new neighbor who claims he's an at least 2000 year old Lich, but I suspect he's just some bullshit under 400 years old skeleton mage with a big ego and I really need someone to put them in their place.
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Feb 11, 2017 03:49
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