/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

mmmf gangbang and dating dudes 8 years older than you by 18, I feel like her life probably has a lifetime original in it.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 05:16

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# ? May 28, 2024 06:39

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

ArbitraryC posted:

mmmf gangbang and dating dudes 8 years older than you by 18, I feel like her life probably has a lifetime original in it.

I like that the red flag was the threesome and the foursome but the cheating ten times gets mentioned in passing.

They are both weird weird people

# ? Feb 11, 2017 06:43

Streak: May 16, 2004; by Nyc_Tattoo

Girlfriend had and enjoyed sex with other people before she met me, WHAT DO?????

Also lol she's a barely legal nympho who admitted to cheating on her ex, you either take the good with the bad or move on

# ? Feb 11, 2017 10:07

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Streak posted:

Girlfriend had and enjoyed sex with other people before she met me, WHAT DO?????

"I met this girl on Tinder for a hookup and we started loving immediately, but it turns out she's maybe kind of sexually impulsive?!?!"

# ? Feb 11, 2017 10:23

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Mirthless posted:

she doesn't sound like a very good person but i'm going to guess she was awakened to sexuality way too young and not by choice

all teenagers are horny but hypersexual behavior in children isn't normal and it's a big for abuse

edit: basically i'm just saying this world is a loving awful place

Mmmyeah the 18 year old dating a 26 year old and has a history of #somes that young kind of pings for me as well

# ? Feb 11, 2017 10:35

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

From /r/legaladvice:

quote:

I work for a public sector organization in California. Recently, our employer has given us Android phones on which we must install Citrix Secure Hub. This app is essentially monitored/controlled by the IT Department and phone activity, location can be checked via servers at work. I have no issue with using the phone at work, but I am not comfortable taking this device home (as we are supposed to have these phones with us at work and take them home with us daily). The phone is my dedicated work cell phone and I am expected to keep it around me as needed. I sent the following email below to the IT Department expressing my concerns. I was later told that I must install the app. So, today, I will install the app. However, I can't help to wonder that something does not feel right. Please advise.

.............

Citrix Secure Hub Version 10.4.10 can access:
Device & app history retrieve running apps, read sensitive log data,
Cellular data settings change/intercept network settings and traffic
Identity find accounts on the device, add or remove accounts,
Contacts find accounts on the device,
Location precise location (GPS and network-based),
Phone read phone status and identity,
Photos/Media/Files read the contents of your USB storage, modify or delete the contents of your USB storage,
Storage read the contents of your USB storage, modify or delete the contents of your USB storage,
Microphone record audio,
Wi-Fi connection information, view Wi-Fi connections,
Device ID & call information, read phone status and identity,
Other force stop other apps, press keys and control buttons, update component usage statistics, read frame buffer, close other apps, modify secure system settings, receive data from Internet, view network connections, read battery statistics, pair with Bluetooth devices, connect and disconnect from Wi-Fi, full network access, close other apps, run at startup, set wallpaper, draw over other apps, control vibration, prevent device from sleeping, modify system settings, install shortcuts, uninstall shortcuts, read Google service configuration,

EDIT: Just found this in the comments

quote:

IANAL - I am an administrator of /r/Citrix and am familiar with XenMobile.

Your employer is providing you a phone for work to be used for work. The intention of XenMobile is containerizing apps that may have customer/company data.

The GPS/location bit is used for 'geo fencing' - that is XenMobile can be instructed to destroy software/apps/erase the phone if you go outside of a certain area. An example where I've implemented it is at a hospital that has iPads for doctors/nurses. If the staff attempt to steal the iPad (it leaves the building) it's instantly nuked.

You're reading far too much into its permissions. It's an enterprise grade piece of software.

OP posted:

Our staff have used it to determine the location of employees on occasion.

quote:

The admins have used it to determine a person's location - I'm not saying you can't do that. The intended use case is geo-fencing and device location.

edit And out of curiosity, how would you suggest a product be allowed/enabled to get device location but it also not identify the location of a user?

Do you take issue with 'Find my iPhone' ? Or 'Android Device Manager'?

OP posted:

Our organization has some ethics issues and has had them in the past as well. This is a main reason for concern.

quote:

Then your issue is not the employer mandating a MDM and with the employees themselves. Your complaint is with HR and management, not IT.

Dude just Um Actually'd this guy and repeated what the guy said in the first place

"Help I think my company is trying to spy on me"
"Sounds like the real problem here is that your company is trying to spy on you :smuggo:

Maybe you should get your facts straight next time"

Danaru fucked around with this message at 11:36 on Feb 11, 2017

# ? Feb 11, 2017 11:25

monkeytennis: Apr 26, 2007; Toilet Rascal

Just leave your work phone at work or do what I do and switch it off and leave it in the car when I'm not working.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 13:49

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Turn it off and leave it in your trunk, why the gently caress do you need a work phone at home unless you're on call 24/7?

# ? Feb 11, 2017 15:01

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Dude is massively paranoid, your work knows where you live anyway. Don't take the phone anywhere other than work and home.

E: Long, but worth it:

How do I help my [35F] husband's [38M] girlfriend [31F] better accept our situation?

quote:

I'm making a throwaway account because my husband doesn't really do reddit, but he knows my reddit name and I want to get some advice before going to him with what I hope is a possible solution
As the title suggests, I'm gonna need to provide some background.

I met the man who would become my husband nearly twenty years ago. We were fast friends, and really just became closer and closer over time, but never to the point of romance--I am a lesbian, and I'm not his type. We were like, super close and we even admitted after a few years that we loved each other very, very much, but in a platonic way. I wouldn't say he quite felt like "a brother", but it was definitely not romantic, and although I questioned him many times back then, his answer was always the same, that he didn't feel for me that way.. which I was glad for.

Well as we became adults we both had a string of unsuccessful relationships, and I was cheated on frequently by other girls. Throughout all this, me and him would always have each other as a rock to stand on, a shoulder to cry on, etc.

One thing we discussed occasionally were our life goals and romantic goals and stuff. We were very close, so talking about these sorts of things was not strange. One thing we both shared was that we both really wanted children and a stable family life to raise them in, but it kept not happening.

About ten years ago, after having been BFFs for a decade, we got drunk at home one night after his GF at the time dumped him (we were living together by this point). Well we started the drunk talk and after talking about our life goals again, I jokingly said we should just get married and have kids, we get along great after all.

It was a joke, and we left it there.. but it followed us. A few days later I brought it up to him, and we ended up in a several hours long serious, serious talk about it.. and decided to go for it.
So three months or so later we were married (ceremony and everything), and about 10 months after that, our son was born [9M]. A year and a half later, we had a daughter [7F]. They are the best things to ever become a part of my life, and we both cherish them.

We were and still are very happy with the arrangement--to the outside world and to our kids, we look like a perfectly normal married couple (at least I think we do). We don't do PDA or anything, but there's no explicit displays of affection at home either, just hugging and the occasional kiss on the cheek. We do sleep in the same bed, but nothing happens there between the sheets. We've only ever had sex when trying for our kids.
EDIT: I don't know why people are saying it's a lie just because we don't love each other in the typical way. We definitely love each other very much, and our home is full of love. Our love for one another is not a lie. By saying "from the outside, we appear normal", I wasn't saying we were putting on any kind of charade, just that we really are that close, we just don't take it all the way to make-out town.

We raise our children as husband and wife, our finances are stable, and we're just doing our best to make sure they grow into well-adjusted adults.

Not everything's perfect, we have our arguments like any married couple, but they are not only rare, but brief. We trust each other implicitly and we tend to resolve our conflicts fairly quickly.. and to be honest it's usually something really small and dumb.

Overall, I think we've come out on the high end of things in terms of children, family stability, our relationship dynamics etc. Make no mistake, we love each other with all our hearts, but it's just not that kind of love. We are not in a loveless marriage, it's just not romantic love, and we're okay with that.

Well anyways, I don't really want a girlfriend (I've tried a few times), and he didn't either for a long time, but he did end up meeting someone about a year ago. Our marriage is open as long as the kids don't become aware of anything extramarital, our kids come first before everything, they are our number one priority.

Well, this girl he met became his GF and she was fully aware of the situation we were in from the get-go. She's nice, well adjusted, generally pleasant to be around, etc. It's a good match, and at first I was just happy my husband had someone that seemed to give him the kind of love I wasn't able to. I'm not a jealous person, so even on platonic grounds, I was never jealous about this. As long as it doesn't interfere in the raising of our children, I'm fine with him having someone--same rule goes for me if I find someone, though I'm not looking.

Everything seemed to be going fine for them until a couple months ago, when I noticed my husband was starting to show signs of stress. I confronted him on it and he admitted that his GF was growing less comfortable with our arrangement by the day--again she is fully aware of our situation, nothing has been hidden from her.

The thing is, as I mentioned, our arrangement is designed to give structure to the lives of our children, they always come first. We plan to tell the kids about the situation when they're old enough, but that's not now... and probably not any time soon, it's years away.

Regardless, his GF is starting to buckle under the pressure. So after talking to my husband I ended up making a coffee date with her and talking to her at length, to try to clear the air and reinforce that I'm not a romantic threat to her, but I am the mother of his children. She basically explained that she's having a hard time separating the real us out from the illusion--what we are vs. what we look like. Her biggest point of contention is that we sleep together, and that we (obviously) used to have sex. She doesn't like that he shares a bed with me, and I get that, I understand it, but I don't want to change that because I don't want our children asking questions we don't want to answer yet.

She's apparently been bugging him about how he sleeps with me, but she also has problems with a few other parts of our arrangement too. For instance, she doesn't understand why we got married, why put up such a show, etc. But it's not a show, we love each other, but there's nothing romantic happening... could it be that this wasn't "real" to her at first and now that things have become very serious with him, that she's trying to draw up her territory?

I don't.. blame her. I'm not upset with her. I like her, but I've spoken with my husband about it, and he feels the same way I do, that if we change our behavior at home, it might make our kids start questioning things and/or become insecure or upset because the dynamic between their mom and dad has changed suddenly.. we're just not okay with that, our kids come first 100%

BUT, their relationship is otherwise great, she's a nice girl, he cares for her very deeply... she's good for him, and I can't imagine he's anything but good for her. I don't want him to lose her, but I'm afraid she might drop an ultimatum (which she will lose), or otherwise leave him over this.

I know our situation is bizarre, to say the least, but is there anything I can do.. or that we can do, to help her accept the situation, or is this doomed? I don't want to see him go through another breakup, especially not with such an otherwise nice and reasonable girl, so I want to try to save their relationship.. or at least help them onto a path to do so. Should they/we get counseling for this? Is it already too late? Are we the ones being unreasonable? I dunno. I'm confused and I've been stressing over this for the last week and I need to figure this situation out and hope to God it can be fixed.

tl;dr: My platonic husband's girlfriend is increasingly uncomfortable with our living arrangement, which she knew about from the start. She has suggested she wants us to change our situation, but we don't want to do anything that might put the kids in a situation to be affected by it. I don't find her concerns unreasonable, but my children come first, what do we do?

WampaLord fucked around with this message at 15:09 on Feb 11, 2017

# ? Feb 11, 2017 15:03

Troposphere: Jul 11, 2005; psycho killer
qu'est-ce que c'est?

WampaLord posted:

Dude is massively paranoid, your work knows where you live anyway. Don't take the phone anywhere other than work and home.

E: Long, but worth it:

How do I help my [35F] husband's [38M] girlfriend [31F] better accept our situation?

honestly the wife and husband sound pretty reasonable and if you're going to do an open marriage uhhh I guess that's the best way to go about it?

# ? Feb 11, 2017 15:16

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Huh, it sounds like they're more stable and giving their kids a better up bringing than many other families so he should probably just find a girlfriend who can respect it

# ? Feb 11, 2017 15:18

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

No woman is going to want to be treated like a secret affair for years and years. Can't stay over, can't meet the kids, can't get married, can't have kids of your own...

Also many parents do not sleep in the same bed, so acting like they have to do it for their children is insane.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 15:19

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

"daddy/mommy snores really loudly so mommy/daddy gotta get some sleep in the other room"

If you go to so much effort to keep it up for the kids and the world, why go into relationships? Like wampa said, he is never gonna have a good relationship if the gf always have to be the secret affair hidden in a corner.

They sound like they got a good thing going for the kids and all, but why even get married? E: nvm i guess its for the benefits

datajugend fucked around with this message at 15:51 on Feb 11, 2017

# ? Feb 11, 2017 15:48

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

WampaLord posted:

No woman is going to want to be treated like a secret affair for years and years. Can't stay over, can't meet the kids, can't get married, can't have kids of your own...

Also many parents do not sleep in the same bed, so acting like they have to do it for their children is insane.

They love each other (as people) and their arrangement existed first. It is utterly absurd to think that a wife has to sit down with her husband's girlfriend and try to make the other woman feel better about the arrangement when the wife isn't dating people herself

If she knew about the arrangement when she got into it she doesn't have a right to complain. She is actively trying to destroy a functional family with kids. These people should not have to adjust their lives to assuage the worries of a girl who heard "open relationship" "i have a family and kids" "we will never be more serious than this" and thought "I'm sure I can get this guy to put a ring on it eventually :downs:

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 16:18 on Feb 11, 2017

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:16

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Mirthless posted:

She is actively trying to destroy a functional family with kids.

Holy projection, Batman. How is she actively trying to destroy anything by sitting them down and calmly laying out her issues with their arrangement?

Mirthless posted:

If she knew about the arrangement when she got into it she doesn't have a right to complain.

Of course she does. She can complain and say "This isn't working, please change something or I'll leave."

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:18

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

WampaLord posted:

Holy projection, Batman. How is she actively trying to destroy anything by sitting them down and calmly laying out her issues with their arrangement?

she's pressuring the husband to make changes to his home arrangement with his wife and family.

She does not have any input in how this man lives with his family. none. she is the other woman, she knew she would be the other woman from the onset. She's emotionally blackmailing her boyfriend over something she knew would be in the picture when she entered the relationship.

WampaLord posted:

Of course she does. She can complain and say "This isn't working, please change something or I'll leave."

that's an ultimatum over something she knew about from the beginning

you really think that's reasonable???

if she's not happy with the relationship she needs to just leave, not try to talk him into changing, because he already has a marriage. he does not need to save the relationship with his girlfriend! "I'm sorry, I like you, but I guess open relationships just aren't for me and never will be" is a perfectly valid thing to say but she's trying to have her cake and eat it too. This girl won't be happy until she's married. gently caress her.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:20

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Mirthless you understand that his wife is a lesbian and they're not "really" married, right? I just want to make sure we're operating on the same basis here, cause you're acting insane.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:22

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

go away mirthless

unless you're going to tell us about your own sham marriage to a lesbian

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:24

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

WampaLord posted:

Mirthless you understand that his wife is a lesbian and they're not "really" married, right? I just want to make sure we're operating on the same basis here, cause you're acting insane.

You also understand his wife isn't dating other people or loving him, right? You understand that it would be weird for Dad to start bringing home girlfriends, right? Because if you think this is going to stop with them sleeping in different bedrooms you're insane.

this is important:

quote:

Overall, I think we've come out on the high end of things in terms of children, family stability, our relationship dynamics etc. Make no mistake, we love each other with all our hearts, but it's just not that kind of love. We are not in a loveless marriage, it's just not romantic love, and we're okay with that.

Some people like to cuddle and you don't have to want to gently caress to cuddle somebody. :shrug:

if you live together in the same house and raise your kids together and have that kind of bond, why would you want to sleep apart? Why should he? This is the relationship, these are the boundaries they set, if somebody doesn't like it they need to leave, not try to change the arrangement. There are other people involved than him and his girlfriend. His girlfriend does not come before his family.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:25

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Mirthless posted:

You also understand his wife isn't dating other people or loving him, right? You understand that it would be weird for Dad to start bringing home girlfriends, right? Because if you think this is going to stop with them sleeping in different bedrooms you're insane.

I assume he's already bringing her home, she just doesn't sleep over.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:27

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

WampaLord posted:

I assume he's already bringing her home, she just doesn't sleep over.

The kids not being aware of his girlfriends is their #1 priority in their relationship. Read the post again. There is no way girlfirend is coming over for anything but cookouts and definitely not in a romantic capacity.

If she isn't happy with their relationship ending at dating, having sex, and the occasional "business trip" at her house for the week, I can totally understand that, but it's on her to exit that situation. there are too many other people involved.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:28

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Mirthless posted:

Some people like to cuddle and you don't have to want to gently caress to cuddle somebody. if you live together in the same house and raise your kids together and have that kind of bond, why would you want to sleep apart? Why should he? This is the relationship, these are the boundaries they set, if somebody doesn't like it they need to leave, not try to change the arrangement. There are other people involved than him and his girlfriend. His girlfriend does not come before his family.

You have extremely hosed up priorities.

You realize they could co-parent without even living together and the kids would be fine, right? It's weird to put together this fake sham marriage that prevents this dude from having an actual relationship.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:30

Subjunctive: Sep 12, 2006; ✨sparkle and shine✨

Mirthless posted:

that's an ultimatum over something she knew about from the beginning

you really think that's reasonable???

Yes.

"I knew about this arrangement, but it has affected me more than I expected. Something has to change or I'm going to have to move on and find a relationship I'm more comfortable with. What should we do?"

Eminently reasonable.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:31

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

Its gonna be weird for the kids no matter what they do when they get told/discover the family arrangement. Its gonna be hard to keep it a secret for when the kids are mature enough to understand and I hope they are gonna prepare them for it in some way as they get older.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:32

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

WampaLord posted:

You have extremely hosed up priorities.

You realize they could co-parent without even living together and the kids would be fine, right? It's weird to put together this fake sham marriage that prevents this dude from having an actual relationship.

They both agreed to the arrangement. They are both happy with the arrangement. It's this new person who just came into the situation that is trying to disrupt it.

Some people believe a two-parent household is better for kids and I'm not saying that either way but it's their right to choose how to parent their children and I'm pretty sure mom and dad living at home and having a loving household isn't going to result in a family of broken kids. They could co-parent and live apart. but they don't want to, and they shouldn't have to.

BTW, it's not about my priorities, ding-dong, it's about theirs. You can talk clinically about something without having to share the viewpoints of the people you are talking about.

datajugend posted:

Its gonna be weird for the kids no matter what they do when they get told/discover the family arrangement. Its gonna be hard to keep it a secret for when the kids are mature enough to understand and I hope they are gonna prepare them for it in some way as they get older.

there was a goon ITT a number of pages back who found out his parents were swingers for years when he was 18 and apparently shrugged it off

kids aren't going to understand it when they're little and they may just tell it to people at school, which happens, and usually results in CPS getting involved (yes, even when nobody is breaking any laws)

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 16:35 on Feb 11, 2017

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:32

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

zakharov posted:

go away mirthless

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:35

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Mirthless posted:

They are both happy with the arrangement

Well clearly not, cause the dude wants/needs a girlfriend.

They might as well just let her come over and tell the kids about it and just treat it like it's normal. They'll have to explain eventually, unless the dude gives up on the idea of having a girlfriend.

Here's a quote from the comments that explains it well:

quote:

I don't understand why stable home = deceiving your children. If children can be raised by stable homosexual parents I don't understand why it would be so bad if they understood their parents didn't have a sexual relationship. It's quite possible they'll feel betrayed when you tell them the truth. What you're modeling for them is NOT a successful romantic relationship, but a successful friendship, so they might be really, deeply confused when they find out nothing was happening in the bedroom-- if they believe you, which they might not.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:35

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

I'm sure the girlfriend will be happy when they switch to separate bedrooms and won't have any further expectations of him adjusting his family's life for her

I'm not gonna argue about this all day, so we'll have to agree to disagree

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:39

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Mirthless posted:

I'm not gonna argue about this all day

what is even the point of lying like this

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:43

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

Ask the kids' opinion on it.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:46

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Here's one totally full of comments from the OP about how she'll never ever ever break up with this loving amazing dude:

My (23F) boyfriend (22M) is reckless to extreme points. He drinks heavily and does drugs, he gets into fights, he robs etc etc. I love him, but he needs to learn self control, how can I help him learn?

quote:

Ive been with with Eros for 5 years now, we are very deeply in love and I really have no interest in breaking up with him. We've been through everything together. We both ran away to NYC when we were 18 from Massachusetts, we both came from broken homes, he had an alcoholic father and I had 5 siblings and was poor. We've been homeless together, we've worked together, now 5 years later we have our own apartment and we both have relatively good jobs.

However, he is reckless. In every possible way, this guy is reckless. We both drink relatively a lot with friends, but when he drinks he drinks a LOT, and then he goes crazy sometimes. He smokes a lot of pot, he does a lot of cocaine too, and he will often go overboard with drugs and alcohol and just go into this void where he doesn't seem to care about anything. Luckily it isnt TOO often that this happens, maybe like 2-4 times a month when he drinks A LOT, but i get scared for him. Typically we dont drink THAT much, like we go out with friends and drink maybe 8~ times a month and most of the time he doesnt hit that point.

Its not only that. He is very non nonchalant about being obtrusive or rude. He will curse someone out for stepping in front of them, recently he cursed out a customer at the bar he works at and almost got fired, and he treated the entire thing like a joke. He seemingly has a problem with authority. We were walking into an office, and there was a guy who asked us to record our names down at the front desk, and he just walked past and when the guy shouted, Eros said back "look, i really dont give a poo poo about your stupid list, go back the gently caress up" and the guy just walked backwards.

He also gets into fights. This is the biggest worry for me. When he gets drunk drunk, the slightest thing can sometimes set him off on a fight. This bouncer at this club we were trying to get into was kind of making fun of him, and Eros just KNOCKED him the hell down. Stuff like this doesn't happen commonly, but it does happen enough that i dont like it.

This doesn't really happen that much anymore, but he also used to steal food. Like he used to go into stores, put the stuff in the bag, and just walk out like nothing happened. I shouldn't even need to explain why this was a problem.
But its more just his general attitude, hopping turnstiles, getting into fights, trespassing where he shouldnt, jumping out of windows... he seems to not care about consequences.

I think he is stuck in the mindset we both had when we first got to nyc, young and free and anything was possible, but like... were now older, we have jobs and an apartment and some sense of stability.

I dont want to break up with him, I know thats gonna be the first thing that comes to peoples minds, but we really are perfect together. He just sees the rest of the world as some boundlessness playground for him to mess around with, and he doesnt care about consequences. What I do want is to help him mature and realize that he isn't in that mindset. How can i do this?

tl;dr: Boyfriend is super reckless, I want to help him change.

Comments from OP:

quote:

Because I love him despite his vices

quote:

But its not a lovely relationship, he is great to me and we really do love each other.

Its just he is a lovely person, not to me, but to the rest of the world. I'm not sure why, or how, but he has this idea that he is above societies rules.

Im not gonna break up with him, like at all.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:50

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Mirthless posted:

she's pressuring the husband to make changes to his home arrangement with his wife and family.

She does not have any input in how this man lives with his family. none. she is the other woman, she knew she would be the other woman from the onset. She's emotionally blackmailing her boyfriend over something she knew would be in the picture when she entered the relationship.

that's an ultimatum over something she knew about from the beginning

you really think that's reasonable???

if she's not happy with the relationship she needs to just leave, not try to talk him into changing, because he already has a marriage. he does not need to save the relationship with his girlfriend! "I'm sorry, I like you, but I guess open relationships just aren't for me and never will be" is a perfectly valid thing to say but she's trying to have her cake and eat it too. This girl won't be happy until she's married. gently caress her.

Oh God, I find myself agreeing with Mirthless.

The husband did everything right: he communicated the situation and made boundaries/expectations clear. He said, "This is what I can offer, take it or leave it."

Its akin to someone saying, "Hey, FYI, I don't EVER want kids, so if that is something you want, this ain't gonna work." and going "Yeah, me neither!" and then later giving an ultimatum that he knock you up or you leave. Just leave.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:53

Barudak: May 7, 2007

WampaLord posted:

Here's one totally full of comments from the OP about how she'll never ever ever break up with this loving amazing dude:

My (23F) boyfriend (22M) is reckless to extreme points. He drinks heavily and does drugs, he gets into fights, he robs etc etc. I love him, but he needs to learn self control, how can I help him learn?

Comments from OP:

Just rob some banks together or whatever it is young couples do nowadays to get gunned down by the cops.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 16:56

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

Barudak posted:

Just ~~rob some banks together~~ fully comply with the police officer's orders or whatever it is young couples do nowadays to get gunned down by the cops.

ftyf

# ? Feb 11, 2017 17:04

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Danaru posted:

From /r/legaladvice:

EDIT: Just found this in the comments

Dude just Um Actually'd this guy and repeated what the guy said in the first place

"Help I think my company is trying to spy on me"
"Sounds like the real problem here is that your company is trying to spy on you Maybe you should get your facts straight next time"

The guy is pointing out that the real purpose of the software is why it needs the permissions it does and his work has probably set it up so certain apps can only be used on site but not at home and the other way around. If the company is doing sketchy poo poo with the powers they have (oh no they know where the phone is) then that's an HR issue m, not an IT issue. The phone is company property so of course they're going to be able to track it and know everything you do on it, he should maintain a personal phone to avoid any issues.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 17:09

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

Be Aware: External websites, magazines, and TV shows have started citing posts here in their content

quote:

In order to give some greater level warning to the community, we do want to let you all know that we have been observing that several websites, magazines, and talk shows have begun using content from the subreddit to support their work without the permission of those cited. Or, in many cases, they are just outright using posts and their comments as case studies to drive their articles or discussion. We have observed this behavior sporadically in the past, but now we are starting to see it happening with greater frequency and consistency, so we need to let you all know.

To be clear, we don't condone this kind of behavior in any way. We are not interested in the additional traffic this behavior might bring. We are not interested in the kind of extra guidance that users might receive from the larger audience these outlets possess. We want to do whatever we can to make sure your decision to post here and not anywhere else is respected.

That's really the key here. We get the reality. We're taking it to the reddit admins to figure out the legal perspective because it is murky territory that isn't likely to be in our favor. However, all the same, we moderators are still reaching out to these entities from the ethical perspective as best we can. While our subreddit does indeed represent a public forum, you are still a relatively vulnerable individual who worked up the courage to put yourself and your situation out to this community. Our contention and concern goes beyond a simple matter of copyright, expanding out more to the issue that someone is making spectacle and entertainment out of your very real problem. You aren't a character in a story. You are a real human being requesting help from other real people. If you wanted the help of some other media outlet, you would have submitted your story to them for input. Instead, you chose /r/relationships because in some way, you felt our community would be a decently safe and useful enough place to get help.

If external sources continue to threaten this safety, then we risk seeing the most vulnerable and shy posters choosing to not get the guidance they are needing.

While we understand the desire to perhaps discuss this issue in the comments, we are locking the post for now as we don't want to spur on a witch hunt against these different media sources. The majority of them are individual writers who likely haven't considered the harm they are causing, and though we wish they were more thoughtful, directing a community of 433k members at them isn't really the solution either. We instead ask that you message the moderators directly with any information you have on these external sources so that we may get in touch with them and pass that information along to the admins.

jig is up guys

# ? Feb 11, 2017 17:09

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Ouhei posted:

The guy is pointing out that the real purpose of the software is why it needs the permissions it does and his work has probably set it up so certain apps can only be used on site but not at home and the other way around. If the company is doing sketchy poo poo with the powers they have (oh no they know where the phone is) then that's an HR issue m, not an IT issue. The phone is company property so of course they're going to be able to track it and know everything you do on it, he should maintain a personal phone to avoid any issues.

That's the funny thing. He does have a personal phone, he's just being paranoid as gently caress for no reason.

"Oh no the company knows that I take my work phone home when I'm not at work."

Nissin Cup Nudist posted:

Be Aware: External websites, magazines, and TV shows have started citing posts here in their content

jig is up guys

LOL gently caress them, you can't say "Hey don't discuss this poo poo we post publicly."

# ? Feb 11, 2017 17:10

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

Mirthless posted:

there was a goon ITT a number of pages back who found out his parents were swingers for years when he was 18 and apparently shrugged it off

kids aren't going to understand it when they're little and they may just tell it to people at school, which happens, and usually results in CPS getting involved (yes, even when nobody is breaking any laws)

I get what you are saying but this isnt "my parents have sex with other people for fun."

Discovering your parents gave up on finding love, got married just on paper and your mother supressed/hid her sexuality for all these years etc. Wouldnt that be a pretty big thing to just shrug off?
Everything they did they could have done just as fine if they didnt live together.

If your one big thing is stability for your children, what do you do when they learn that things arent as stable as they seem?

# ? Feb 11, 2017 17:10

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

The rare case of the slam shut case right in the loving title:

quote:

Me [19 F] with my fiance [27 M] of a year, I don't know what's wrong

WELL GEE loving WHIZ SWEETHEART, I CAN TAKE A WILD GUESS

quote:

u/throwaway652004128h

Throwaway because partner reddits, the usual.

Also he's 26 not 27, oops.

Everything is usually pretty okay between us, I can be short tempered which leads to arguments and him getting angry for a while but that's something I can deal with usually.

I'm just not feeling so attracted to him anymore - I don't know what love feels like once it's no longer the butterflies kind of feeling, and at the best of times I struggle with emotions, something I largely attribute to stress and anxiety and depression. What does love feel like? I keep thinking I'm just stringing him along because I don't know if I love him or how to work out if I do..

Money stress doesn't help either, we're both students and not long after we met I paid off 2k+ of his credit card debt which has snowballed into 9k of my savings being lent to him and slowly paid back when he gets his student living costs. In his defense, I do keep offering to loan him the money - I don't know how to stop doing that but becoming an interest free credit card gets to me sometimes. Any advice for me on how to stop doing that?

tl;dr: I don't know if I still love him and how would I even tell?

Help me Internet I don't know if I love the older weirdo that I keep lending money to.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 17:11

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# ? May 28, 2024 06:39

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

datajugend posted:

I get what you are saying but this isnt "my parents have sex with other people for fun."

Discovering your parents gave up on finding love, got married just on paper and your mother supressed/hid her sexuality for all these years etc. Wouldnt that be a pretty big thing to just shrug off?
Everything they did they could have done just as fine if they didnt live together.

If your one big thing is stability for your children, what do you do when they learn that things arent as stable as they seem?

You're assuming the parents would tell the children everything when they're of age. Just get divorced when the last is off to college and go 'hey, me and spouse fell out of love (but we still love our kids very much!) s o we're parting ways and of mom is gay so she's dating a lady now.' That's it. Same way other parental units split once kids are legal age and they don't want to be married for various reasons.

There's literally no reason to go into sordid details. It's the same thought process as confessing to your 98 yo republican, Dixie loving, Gay hating grandmother that you and your best guy friend (husband of x yesrs) are Gay. You gain nothing and everyone gets hurt.

# ? Feb 11, 2017 17:32

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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