- whiter than a Wilco show
- Mar 30, 2011
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by FactsAreUseless
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"And then it turned into an mlk style riff fest"
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Feb 13, 2017 10:36
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 10, 2024 19:57
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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Wrestling fans are weird:
quote:My boyfriend and I have a perfect relationship except for one thing - he is imitating Ric Flair almost all the time in his free time.
He considers Ric to be some kind of gay icon to him - between the robes, the blonde hair, and the wrestling tights.... my boyfriend was really deeply closeted growing up and I think wrestling was one of his first outlets towards understanding himself. So he's loved Ric Flair since he was a kid. That's awesome and I'm glad he has a hero.
What I'm not happy about is randomly getting chopped across the chest (my boyfriend fakes these, but it's still annoying), being put in the Figure 4 leglock, and being "Woo"'d at. My boyfriend also took one of my favorite bathrobes, bedazzled it on the back and added a bunch of feathers to it. ADMITTEDLY THIS LOOKS PRETTY AWESOME - but it's a bathrobe that's no longer functional and he did this without asking my permission.
At one point I said gently caress it, I'll fight fire with fire, and dressed up like Ricky "The Dragon Steamboat" with the goal of annoying him so much that he'd see my side of things. Unfortunately he really enjoyed it, thought I was roleplaying to come on to him, and he now is constantly asking me to dress as Flair's various rivals from the past (Steamboat, Sting, Dusty Rhodes, etc).
We have discussed this many times. I'll usually get about a week of freedom. Then I'll come home from work and find him cutting promos on the cat or Flair strutting around the house.
quote:I jerk off to pictures of women's feet. My girlfriend and I were discussing fetishes and she said feet were gross, so I just laughed and said they were.
But I like massaging her feet a lot, I stare at the when we're watching TV, and I jerk off into her socks before I do the laundry. If we could incorporate them into our love making I would be extremely happy.
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Feb 13, 2017 14:41
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- VanSandman
- Feb 16, 2011
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SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER
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I want to believe in Gay Flair.
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Feb 13, 2017 14:49
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- The Management
- Jan 2, 2010
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sup, bitch?
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It amazes me how many misogynist idiots are worried about a 69 year old woman being on her period.
Edit: trump wife, get the hell out of there.
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Feb 13, 2017 15:02
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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Trump really is bringing out the absolute worst tendencies in a lot of people, it's simultaneously fascinating and really worrying
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Feb 13, 2017 15:08
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- Eikre
- May 2, 2009
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quote:3) I pretty much only take shits at work, in public restrooms, or at friends and family's houses because I don't want to have clean my toilet more than once every two weeks.
Did you know, toilets are made of shitproof material, and have a self-cleaning "flush" mechanism that you can employ between the bi-weekly scrubs? It's pretty cool, try it out, you probably will not be disappointed.
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Feb 13, 2017 15:12
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- GOTTA STAY FAI
- Mar 24, 2005
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~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~
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College Slice
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quote:I can only orgasm if there's emo music or a My Chemical Romance song playing.
Umm, yeah, if you reached over and turned on some MCR while we were doinkin', I'd sing along. Specifically the part where he says "So long and goodnight"
quote:My husband has become a racist, right wing psychopath over the last year and I'm finally going to leave him
Stop talking about it and just loving do it. He's a total shitbag.
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Feb 13, 2017 15:46
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- loquacius
- Oct 21, 2008
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quote:
So I am in my thirties and for quite a few years now I have developed this imaginary friend with a somewhat complicated backstory.
My friend is a tall, handsome, muscular, albino woman. She is actually my twin sister. Only she is actually me in the future. But also me reincarnated from the past. Apparently I befriend a scientist who has invented a time travelling device in his basement. I naturally agree to be his first guinea pig. I travel back some 500 million years only I wind up gender flipped and immortal. I wander aimlessly across the Earth witnessing first hand the geological shifts and evolutionary jumps on the planet. I never try to change or influence the history of the planet, just observe it in a very passive manner. This is usually what I dream about at night.
Eventually my birth arrives and I die and I become my twin sister with all my previous memories slowly coming back as I grow older. Only I don't know that because I'm not my twin, I'm me and I have no idea. The only thing I know is that I have this kick rear end sister who is laid back, brave, friendly and a joy to be around. Essentially everything that I am not.
So now when things are going to poo poo or I'm feeling really uncomfortable or unhappy its nice to think how my sis would handle the situation or how to get me out of it. It actually helps me deal with life just knowing there is someone who has my back even though they are not real and actually me.
We have been on many adventures in the few short years that we have known each other and in all honesty I hope they continue.
You're getting into DeviantArt kind of late in life IMO
quote:
I know this is completely normal, but sometimes I get so loving sick of my life. Get up every morning at 7, stare at my computer until 8:20, race to get to work by 9. My job isn't even bad, but I still don't want to go. It's like I spend every day in purgatory. My wife becomes the most unpleasant person in the world when she's PMSing (ie, right now). I think she's depressed over her lovely job, but it manifests in her doubting my feelings for her. I'm sure I could be more attentive, but I don't know that she's feeling that way unless she tells me. We spent the whole day out together on Saturday, and now it's Friday and she's saying we never do anything together.
We have a hyper dog that I don't have time for and a parrot that never shuts the gently caress up. I'm an extremely anxious person, and each time the parrot yells (every twenty seconds) it startles me. Drinking is the only way I can calm down the anxiety that builds up all day, but now I have a drinking problem, so that's just making things worse. I had to stop buying liquor because it was escalating quickly. I missed a Monday at work because I was hungover in bed all day, and that was just pathetic. It's not like I went out the night before--I just sat at home and drank until I passed out. I don't do that with just beer, but it's making me fat. I'd look into anti-depressants, but my wife thinks they're unnatural and it would turn into this big thing if I insisted. They didn't actually help me when I tried them before. I just put on 20lbs, lost my sex drive, and spent 3 months with brain zaps and extreme fatigue as I slowly tapered off of them.
My life isn't even all that bad. I have a job that I mostly enjoy, make good money, live in a good house, and I love my wife (and dog, but not parrot). We cook and garden together. We laugh at our stupid inside jokes and send each other dumb memes. In December we spent two weeks of vacation together and it was amazing. Best I've felt in years. I wish things could be like that all the time. But 99% of my life is this stupid grind and I just want a break oh my god. It's killing me.
the American dream
My hot take is that your wife should quit her job and take a little time off (meaning a couple months at most), and then when she's done and back to work somewhere else, if you're still unhappy and can afford it, you should do the same. The whole part where she insists you do nothing fun together shortly after spending a whole lot of time doing fun things together sounded super familiar to me, because my wife did the same thing multiple times when she was really unhappy with grad school. It's not actually personal, she's just sort of lashing out because she doesn't feel like she has control over the stuff she's really unhappy about.
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Feb 13, 2017 19:07
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- VanSandman
- Feb 16, 2011
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SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER
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You should definitely get rid of the parrot too
Pet Island mods will tell you how to kill a parrot and make it look like an accident.
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Feb 13, 2017 19:42
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- Jose
- Jul 24, 2007
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Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer
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Parrots live an insanely long time idk why anyone gets them as a pet
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Feb 13, 2017 20:06
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- it dont matter
- Aug 29, 2008
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Won't trust a woman with nukes, will trust an ignorant bouffant haired narcissist who when asked about nuke triad said "the devastation is very important to me".
Yeah get the gently caress outta there.
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Feb 13, 2017 20:55
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- Jastiger
- Oct 11, 2008
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by FactsAreUseless
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Wrestling fans are weird:
My boyfriend and I have a perfect relationship except for one thing - he is imitating Ric Flair almost all the time in his free time.
He considers Ric to be some kind of gay icon to him - between the robes, the blonde hair, and the wrestling tights.... my boyfriend was really deeply closeted growing up and I think wrestling was one of his first outlets towards understanding himself. So he's loved Ric Flair since he was a kid. That's awesome and I'm glad he has a hero.
What I'm not happy about is randomly getting chopped across the chest (my boyfriend fakes these, but it's still annoying), being put in the Figure 4 leglock, and being "Woo"'d at. My boyfriend also took one of my favorite bathrobes, bedazzled it on the back and added a bunch of feathers to it. ADMITTEDLY THIS LOOKS PRETTY AWESOME - but it's a bathrobe that's no longer functional and he did this without asking my permission.
At one point I said gently caress it, I'll fight fire with fire, and dressed up like Ricky "The Dragon Steamboat" with the goal of annoying him so much that he'd see my side of things. Unfortunately he really enjoyed it, thought I was roleplaying to come on to him, and he now is constantly asking me to dress as Flair's various rivals from the past (Steamboat, Sting, Dusty Rhodes, etc).
We have discussed this many times. I'll usually get about a week of freedom. Then I'll come home from work and find him cutting promos on the cat or Flair strutting around the house.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9py4aMK3aIU
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Feb 13, 2017 21:09
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:I'm a youth minister who's pretty respected in my community. I volunteer, I work with kids, and I preach the word of God to people who need it.
I am also currently having 3 extra marital affairs.
I fully admit I prey on women at their lowest, which I come in contact with quite a bit at church. I'm somewhat good looking and pretty charismatic, so I pepper that in with some alcohol and sometimes a little weed. It's usually pretty easy to seduce those women, or at least get them to admit they'd consider it.
My wife and my kid have no idea and, honestly, gently caress them. I made the mistake of marrying a woman who hates sex for anything but procreation, and refuses to do anything "degrading" like kissing in public, letting either of our hands go below the waistline of the other, or even snuggling up on the couch or in bed.
We've had sex exactly 3 times in our 6 year marriage. The first time led to her crying in the shower and making me sleep downstairs for a month, the 2nd time was a year later and led to the birth of our son, and the 3rd time was on our 5 year anniversary. I have discussed divorce several times, especially in that first year, but she has threatened to leak some information online if I do so that would lead to me losing my job. That information is the fact that, in my younger years, I posed nude in a magazine for gay men. I am not gay but I needed money at the time.
My son is basically raised by my wife and her family and, despite only being 4 years old, is a good little Christian in their eyes. He hates other religions just like they do, and I even saw him shy away from a black family at the grocery store. Wonderful.
I am an awful person and am definitely going to hell for my affairs, and I know my wife is going to hell too for blackmailing me and for something really bad she did back in college. So this is middle america for you, a bunch of miserable sinners who hook up and make each other more miserable.
quote:I'm really bad at cooking despite constantly trying to improve and watching Food Network in my free time.
I think the biggest issue is I don't understand what makes some flavor mixes good and others bad. My sister's birthday came up and I wanted to cook something. I thought - chicken and waffles is a popular dish. Sweet and savory. I'll make my own spin on it!
I kept it simple and mixed one savory thing (shrimp) with one sweet thing (cocoa puffs) to make chocolate glazed shrimp. I tasted one and almost threw up. But I had made almost 3 lbs so I decided to take it over and hoped somebody else liked it. Nobody did. The dog got into it and even he spit it up. I guess it didn't help that I slightly burnt some too.
I've made similar gently caress ups in the past, usually mixing flavors that end up not tasting good. I tried making peanut and pepperoni pizza to similar issues before.
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Feb 14, 2017 07:05
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- Indolent Bastard
- Oct 26, 2007
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I WON THIS AMAZING AVATAR! I'M A WINNER! WOOOOO!
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Wtf? Recipes exist for a reason. If you are a terrible cook, follow the recipes. Don't try to run before you can even walk.
I hope this one is fake. Peanut butter pizza? That's some Ninja turtles level Saturday morning stupid poo poo.
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Feb 14, 2017 07:15
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- The Management
- Jan 2, 2010
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sup, bitch?
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Minister dumbass, time for a divorce and to quit the church you are so obviously disgusted with. Get a different job, sleep with women guilt-free, and deprogram your kids
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Feb 14, 2017 08:20
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- CHICKEN SHOES
- Oct 4, 2002
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Slippery Tilde
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Chocolate glazed shrimp with cocoa puffs? you know you can buy like real or at least better chocolate in your baking aisle right?
edit: On one hand it has to be fake but on the other hand loving goon weirdo p'zone thread poo poo
CHICKEN SHOES fucked around with this message at 08:39 on Feb 14, 2017
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Feb 14, 2017 08:37
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- GIANT OUIJA BOARD
- Aug 22, 2011
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177 Years of Your Dick
All
Night
Non
Stop
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I've had some really good pepperoni and spicy peanut butter pizza before. You're just a gently caress-up.
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Feb 14, 2017 09:15
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- yeah I eat ass
- Mar 14, 2005
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only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar
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I've heard of (but fortunately not tasted) attempts to use cereal like that in cooking. I could see him seeing someone coat shrimp in cornflakes or something and assuming it would work with any kind of cereal.
It's not quite cocoa puffs level of weird but I had shrimp once where they mixed popcorn in with the batter. It looked bizarre but actually didn't taste bad, although at ~35 dollars for 6 of them it was a little much even for Switzerland.
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Feb 14, 2017 09:17
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- fliptophead
- Oct 2, 2006
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Can't cook goon is unforgivable. Easily most heinous fesh.
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Feb 14, 2017 10:16
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- Dang It Bhabhi!
- May 27, 2004
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ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP
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and face to bloodshed
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Feb 14, 2017 10:16
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- H.H
- Oct 24, 2006
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August is the Cruelest Month
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quote:My confession is that I think I'm breaking. Years ago I was the most confident I had ever been. I was working out, doing OK career wise, married, it was all coming up milhouse. Then I was blindsided by some unpleasant family history.
Many years ago, my single mother lost her job and had to move my brothers and I to a duplex my aunt owned. My aunt and uncle were much older and my uncle was my hero. He was charismatic and loyal, he taught me about jazz and baseball. He drove us to school every day, picked us up, and every Friday he took me to Blockbuster to rent a video game. He taught me how to shake hands and look people in the eyes when I spoke. One of my brothers, "Bob", was very ill and my uncle acted as his caretaker and would bring him to his doctor's appointments. My uncle passed away over a decade ago and I was honored to be one of the paul bearers. There was a line of people out the cathedral and down the street to pay respects to him. A local basketball court is named after him.
He raped my brother. He raped my sick, little brother. He spent 5 years molesting Bob, until he was old enough to be a teenager. No one in my family knew this until a few years ago, when Bob finally spoke out. He sat with that burden for 15 years and no one knew. Everyone thought my uncle was a saint. But he was a drunk and a pedophile.
I haven't dealt with this at all. I made a mental deal with myself that I would try not to dwell on this info until I had to. My aunt passed away in the last few months and I no longer have that excuse not to think about this. It's eating me away. I have a large extended family and none of them know. Bob said when the time was right, he would tell them. With my aunt passing, there's been a lot of family drama regarding money and property and I'm afraid Bob will get angry at one of our other uncles and drop this bomb in the worst way imaginable.
Here's my confession: Before we lived in the duplex, I visited my uncle every summer. My first orgasm was in his home. I was young, I couldn't even ejaculate yet, I'm not sure I even knew what sex was. But one morning I woke up with this insane, intense feeling on my penis. It's very foggy, but it was almost like a wet dream but without the puberty part. In my memory, there's a vague shadow that someone else was in the room. Since I was a child, I haven't been able to sleep. I wake up shaking. If I sleep and the covers are too tight or my wife is too close to me, sometimes my heart starts pounding and I freak out. I often wake up choking myself. I get this uneasy feeling someone is near me. I'm terrified that I was molested and cannot remember. Can that even happen?
I'm all sorts of hosed up and I'm dreading when this news becomes public. I don't know what posting this will do I just needed to tell someone. I can't talk to my family about this, I can't get myself to open my mouth. We're moving my mother out of the duplex and there's so many old photos of my uncle. It's breaking me down. By the way, I did just schedule an appt with my PCP to get a referral to a therapist, so I'm ahead of you one this one.
quote:I just loving love stealing.
Except I'm really particular, I've only ever stolen from employers or family members. Basically, I only do it if I know I can get away with it or if I know I'll be forgiven if I'm caught.
I would steal small things from the retail place I worked at a few years ago. Mostly just snacks and small things that I would need. Packages of screws or small tools, that kind of thing. I knew where all the cameras were, and I knew I could get in and out of the back to stash things in my purse or coat pockets without looking suspicious.
I would also steal tips like a fiend at my last job. It was a dog groomer's. It was really loving easy to steal cash tips, because there was never any record of them coming in in the first place. Usually what I'd do was I'd split the tip in half if it was a big one and give half to the groomer that it actually belonged to and half to myself. I quit about a year ago but I wonder if the groomers realized that they were getting bigger tips after I left?
I don't really have an excuse, but when I was stealing tips I was basically just living paycheck to paycheck and really needed every extra dollar I could get. I would often spend half of the stolen money on booze anyway, but whatever.
I haven't really stolen anything from my current job. I work in a nursing home for Alzheimer's patients, they don't really have anything I could use and I actually like them so I won't take anything from them.
The worst thing I do is steal from my girlfriend. We split everything 50/50, but it's my job to divide up the grocery bills and other incidentals. I usually weigh everything really heavily in my favor, and sometimes I arbitrarily decide that she owes me an extra ten or twenty bucks. I know she'll never actually double check this, and I also know that even if she does discover that I'm doing this, she won't dump me because she's extremely dependent on me.
tldr I'm a garbage person
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Feb 14, 2017 10:20
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- yeah I eat ass
- Mar 14, 2005
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only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar
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First goon, there's absolutely nothing you can do about the situation at this point besides helping your brother (if he wants you to) and, like you said at the end, getting therapy for yourself whether you were molested or not.
Second goon, congrats on being a petty thief I guess.
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Feb 14, 2017 10:29
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May 10, 2024 19:57
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- Rusty Rickshaw
- Apr 30, 2008
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I know someone with the same exact sleeping issues as the duplex goon. You're not alone, I think it's for the same exact reasons too.
Duplexes are where molestations happen
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Feb 14, 2017 14:28
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