/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Cling-Wrap Condom: Jul 23, 2015; I'm tryna get my peen touched, pants.

MissEchelon posted:

tl;dr: Time to ditch an old friend. How to go it kindly, but firmly, with no room for discussion?

pick two.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 05:30

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# ? May 14, 2024 12:44

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Mirthless posted:

Fair enough, in the context of all the other stuff in the story and comments it just feels like there's more there. I can understand his motivation and wouldn't blame him for leaving, but I also don't know if that would be the most common reaction and figured there may be more to the story. I wasn't trying to make a judgement, I was just speculating about the details that got left out because I thought it was interesting.

I agree. Saying "there's more to the story" is essentially a tautology. Of course there's more to any story, how could every single fact be encapsulated in words? But in this particular case she might be leaving out something important. Perhaps she was actually the driver who was arrested. Perhaps she has a history of drunken irresponsibility and this was the final straw (most likely imo). Perhaps the friend that was driving is someone he doesn't and has never approved of and doesn't want his fiancee getting drunk and arrested with. Perhaps she was the "friend" who drunkenly assaulted the police. Or perhaps it is as simple as it appears. We may never know

If her version is the complete version, the response is pretty harsh. I would be disappointed in my girlfriend for her bad judgement in a case like this, but primarily the responsibility lies with the driver and I would certainly forgive her quickly. Calling off an engagement is a harsh response to a (stupid, granted) mistake which makes me think there must be a bit more to it.

Play fucked around with this message at 06:17 on Feb 16, 2017

# ? Feb 16, 2017 06:13

Patrick Spens: Jul 21, 2006; "Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"; Pillbug

Like the fact that a family member of his was killed by a drunk driver?

# ? Feb 16, 2017 08:13

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Yeah, I reeeeaaallly don't see how this has to be part of a chain of events. Some things are bad enough to end a relationship on the first shot, and I would say that complicity in a drunk-driving incident responsible for two arrests (if no injuries, thank God) when your partner lost his twin brother to a drunk driver and has been vocal about his repulsion to the whole concept is totally adequate for a dump-on-the-spot. I'd hazard a guess that this woman was probably kind of a lovely partner, since I think the kindest interpretation you can make of her actions is that she's dumb and careless, but I really don't think you have to invent a backstory about her being a secret alcoholic or whatever to see why the guy pulled the trigger on ending it. If anything, it being so soon before the wedding is an argument in favor of straight-up ending it; maybe this is the kind of thing that can be worked through, but gently caress getting married to someone you're not absolutely certain you want to spend your life with, and whatever's going on here isn't going to be settled in two months. Let it go.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 08:39

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Drunk driving is so avoidable it's hard not to be completely and utterly galled by anyone who does it.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 08:45

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Man: "my twin brother was killed by a drunk driver when we were children. It brings back painful memories for me and it's also a profoundly selfish and irresponsible act that put innocent lives at significant risk for the sake of convenience and poor planning. I don't think I could love a person like that."

Woman: *gets shitfaced with friends, they drive drunk, get into fistfight with cop.*

Man: "I feel that I have been quite clear on this subject. After careful consideration, I've decided to end our relationship because of the above."

Mirthless: "No, sorry. Something doesn't quite add up here. There must have been something else going on. You know this reminds me of a story from my own life�"

Other Goon: "it could have been worse. They could have taken an Uber�"

# ? Feb 16, 2017 09:36

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Pick posted:

Drunk driving is so avoidable it's hard not to be completely and utterly galled by anyone who does it.

Pretty much. I keep mentioning the dude's loss because it does seem to be a factor here, but even as someone with no drunk-driving trauma whatsoever, I'd at least strongly consider ending a relationship over the poo poo this woman pulled. As much as we're discussing it, it really is a dealbreaker-worthy offense even with no other context.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 09:44

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

I want the person I'm dating to do something really stupid like that so it'd be easier to break up with them. Instead I get a loving three hour long conversation trying to explain why her lack of ambition isn't compatible with what I need in a partner.

Just drink and drive, girl!

# ? Feb 16, 2017 09:47

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

As the story demonstrates, even that won't necessarily be enough for them to admit it's clearly, utterly, 100% over.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 09:50

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

You fuckers know we're not supposed to feed mirthless after midnight, look at this mess!

Anyway, here's a goon in love:

quote:

[31f] received V-day text from friend [33m]. When and how are boundaries between friends necessary in a friendship wherein one friend continues to confess feelings?
Personal issues
submitted 4 hours ago * by throwaway2939484499

The other day, I [31f] received a 4-paragraph long Valentine's Day text from a [34m] friend that I've known for about half a year.

When we met, it was clear he was interested in me, but I immediately rejected the idea of us dating. I wasn't interested. We continued a friendship, and about a month later, he confessed his feelings in a substance-induced state. I kind of verbally ignored it at that point, but we continued to hang out. We get along great as friends.

Things seemed relatively normal, friendship-wise. We don't live in the same city anymore. We call and text each other sometimes. Things I would consider normal in my friendships, although sometimes the frequency of contact with him has been more than I desire, but I always considered this to be a minor detail of our conversations.

Then on Valentine's, I receive a long text which starts out vague like he could be talking to anyone, then continues to go "I know you don't feel the same way about me as I do about you", and ends in an "I love you."

Now, this makes me uncomfortable for three reasons:

a) Honestly, I don't want to hear about his feelings. I already set this boundary, or so I thought? I realize that I feel anger toward him. As though, what I thought was a previously established boundary is not being respected.

b) I worry that I have been/will take advantage of his feelings for me somehow... and wonder if my reaction isn't actually anger, but a sick joy in feeling powerful?

c) Sometimes I wonder if he is not seeing other women because he's still hung up on me. Maybe not intentionally. Not my problem, I know, but as a person's friend... it has crossed my mind.
This also reminds me of a past situation I was in, in which a friend constantly confessed his feelings to the point I told him we couldn't be friends.

So, Relationship Redditors, what do you think? Is this a violation? Am I too confusing/flexible with other boundaries even though I have verbally said no? Suggestions on vocalizing this, or do I continue to vaguely respond with humour (current tactic)?

More general: what are boundaries in relationships and why are they important?! What are the indicators that they need to be re-assessed or re-established? How many chances do you give someone to respect your boundaries before you terminate a friendship?

tl;dr- Third time friend has confessed feelings. He knows they aren't reciprocated. I don't want to hear it. What do I do?

# ? Feb 16, 2017 09:55

Mekchu: Apr 10, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Re: The drunk driving thing, having done a really stupid bit of drunk driving I can certainly feel that the guy is in the right to be upset with his SO after that incident with her friend getting what sounds like a DUI and another friend getting arrested as well. That said, I don't think their relationship isn't salvageable.

Edit - By that I mean, I'm hopeful they are able to work out the issues they're facing and not end their relationship.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 10:12 on Feb 16, 2017

# ? Feb 16, 2017 10:06

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Unfunny Poster posted:

Re: The drunk driving thing, having done a really stupid bit of drunk driving I can certainly feel that the guy is in the right to be upset with his SO after that incident with her friend getting what sounds like a DUI and another friend getting arrested as well. That said, I don't think their relationship isn't salvageable.

Edit - By that I mean, I'm hopeful they are able to work out the issues they're facing and not end their relationship.

imo there's certain things that if you have any self esteem you shouldn't work out even if it were hypothetically possible. for ex: if your partner is open about it, apologizes, and you work on it for it to never happen again you could prolly have a positive relationship after they cheated on you, but it would always be an objectively worse situation than any/all your friends/family who had a spouse that didn't sleep around and you get to live with that for the rest of your relationship forever and always letting it nag in the back of your mind whenever the subject comes up in pop culture.

This dude literally lost someone to drunk driving and here he is with his spouse not only condoning her drunk drivin friend rather than takin the keys but riding along with her, that's not a memory that's ever going to go away and it makes absolute perfect sense to call things there.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 10:29

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Bubblyblubber posted:

Anyway, here's a goon in love:

Honestly, sometimes it's best to mercy-kill a friendship. This dude is clearly not going to get over her in a way that can lead to a healthy friendship, and if she keeps responding with humor and other deflections, it's just going to keep him hanging on the line.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 10:31

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

It was his twin, maaaan. They probably had a secret twinsy language.

[31f] received V-day text from friend [33m]. When and how are boundaries between friends necessary in a friendship wherein one friend continues to confess feelings?

It was NOT COOL for my friend to doxx me.

Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 10:38 on Feb 16, 2017

# ? Feb 16, 2017 10:34

Mekchu: Apr 10, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

ArbitraryC posted:

imo there's certain things that if you have any self esteem you shouldn't work out even if it were hypothetically possible. for ex: if your partner is open about it, apologizes, and you work on it for it to never happen again you could prolly have a positive relationship after they cheated on you, but it would always be an objectively worse situation than any/all your friends/family who had a spouse that didn't sleep around and you get to live with that for the rest of your relationship forever and always letting it nag in the back of your mind whenever the subject comes up in pop culture.

This dude literally lost someone to drunk driving and here he is with his spouse not only condoning her drunk drivin friend rather than takin the keys but riding along with her, that's not a memory that's ever going to go away and it makes absolute perfect sense to call things there.

Good point(s).

Edit - I guess I'm a sucker for thinking it's really lovely for both people in the relationship for the whole thing to fall apart two months out from their wedding. That's gotta sting a lot for both of them.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 13:15 on Feb 16, 2017

# ? Feb 16, 2017 13:07

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Honestly the whole post from the fiance made me think she has very little empathy in general. The whole "that was 20 years ago" thing, and she refers to her party as just "getting in a car" without taking any responsibility for what she herself did. It's pretty obvious she doesn't actually think what she did was wrong.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 13:30

Mekchu: Apr 10, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Psycho Society posted:

The whole "that was 20 years ago" thing

Yeah that part was definitely not a good look for her.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 13:40

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

cyberia posted:

It never ceases to amaze me the hills some goons choose to die on. Hmm, yes, the reddit mock thread is surely the place for me to finally take a stand against the evils of ride-sharing

Yeah, it's really strange how people project their meltdowns onto other posters

# ? Feb 16, 2017 14:57

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

I get why dude is upset, but it isn't like she was the one driving. And wr don't even know how bad the driver was. Depending on the state you can be charged with dui even if you are well below .08 and it is officer's discretion. The gal in this story may just have been too sloshed to recognize that her driver shouldn't be driving.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 16:11

Andrast: Apr 21, 2010

therobit posted:

I get why dude is upset, but it isn't like she was the one driving. And wr don't even know how bad the driver was. Depending on the state you can be charged with dui even if you are well below .08 and it is officer's discretion. The gal in this story may just have been too sloshed to recognize that her driver shouldn't be driving.

None of those excuses make it better

# ? Feb 16, 2017 16:13

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

therobit posted:

I get why dude is upset, but it isn't like she was the one driving. And wr don't even know how bad the driver was. Depending on the state you can be charged with dui even if you are well below .08 and it is officer's discretion. The gal in this story may just have been too sloshed to recognize that her driver shouldn't be driving.

It's really not hard to plan on getting an uber or taxi if you're planning on drinking.

Dude is basically Pete and should be revered as such.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 16:22

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

therobit posted:

I get why dude is upset, but it isn't like she was the one driving. And wr don't even know how bad the driver was. Depending on the state you can be charged with dui even if you are well below .08 and it is officer's discretion. The gal in this story may just have been too sloshed to recognize that her driver shouldn't be driving.

I think you just need to accept that he isn't coming back, OP.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 16:23

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

My [22/F] boyfriend [20/M] is incredibly annoying.

quote:

Hey guys. This is kind of a weird and almost random problem, I don't know if it's my fault or his. I think this will almost sound like a troll post, but it's a legitimate problem I'm having.

My partner and I live together and have a dog. It seems like every day he is saying or doing some random meme or song, constantly. It's cute and funny for about ten minutes, but when I'm trying to have serious conversations about our finances for example or just cuddle him, he'll still be doing it. At some point he kept humming the Chocobo theme from Final Fantasy and getting louder and more nasally and if I asked him to please stop, he wouldn't. I recently bought him a ukulele for Christmas and I'll be trying to ask him what he wants for dinner and he will just strum over my speech and won't answer me until I get impatient and upset, then gets mad that I've lost my cool.

I was just trying to cuddle him this morning and he kept singing the first ten seconds to that Lazy Town song "We are number one" because it's a new-ish meme or whatever. I told him to please stop and I just wanted to cuddle and he kept testing me by doing it quieter and quieter until he was literally clicking his tongue to the melody so quietly I could only hear him cause I was right next to his face trying to cuddle. I'm exhausted by it, it's constant. He didn't used to always do this, or maybe he did but I wasn't so annoyed. I've tried to talk to him about it and he says it's "just his personality" and I "signed up for this." I don't think it's grounds to end a relationship on but it's driving me up the loving wall. Help?

Tl;Dr: Boyfriend constantly recites random memes and songs, doesn't stop and will test how far he can take it until I lose my cool, then I'm the bad guy. What do I do?

# ? Feb 16, 2017 16:43

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

My [22/F] boyfriend [20/M] is incredibly annoying.

"im permabanned poster memestomper58..."

# ? Feb 16, 2017 16:45

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

quote:

I [24F] find myself getting short with my BF [25M] who seems to complain about everything I wish I had.

I'm sorry if that seemed vague. I don't really know how to describe it. My BF and I have lived pretty different lives. He has very wealthy, very involved parents. My parents weren't really in the picture when I was young, and I've been financially independent (and helped them out) since about 14.

I had to save up money and work two jobs for university, which I graduated from in 2015. He coasted for 7 years, finally graduated and has no loans, and didn't work during at all.

After graduating, I worked two jobs: one in my field, one fast food. I was wrongly and discriminatory (ly? word?) let go from my full time job a few months ago. Working just fast food wasn't enough to get by, and I had to move home, where I finally got another job (although it's in food). It doesn't start for a month, nine months after being laid off. He's doing exactly what he wanted: working part time in his field, working from home other wise.

I've been incredibly depressed about being unable to find full time work for months. My boyfriend complains about his one job constantly. He'll work one four hour shift, and proclaim how hard it was, and say he's ready for a break almost immediately. He can work his own hours and considers not working days all the time. His work from home is very non invasive, and I don't think he's ever worked more than 30 with both jobs combined.

I find myself getting incredibly annoyed when he goes on to complain about work again, when to me, what he has is exactly what he wanted and honestly, pretty easy. Just tonight, he had worked a three hour shift, and just complained so much about it. I told him I was really having a hard time sympathizing when I literally wish I had his situation. He seemed very upset and said he was going to bed immediately afterwards.

I don't want my jealousy to turn in to resentment. I want to learn to communicate with him my annoyance without really hurting his feelings. I don't want to be petty but it's been so horrible since I got laid off.

TL'DR My boyfriend complains about what is essentially his dream job A LOT. I find myself getting jealous and don't want to be so bothered by it. I'd like to learn better communication.

Don't date the bourgeoise

# ? Feb 16, 2017 16:48

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

annoying boyfriend. No, not like we sometimes say murder, and don't really mean it. I mean it. You must kill him.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 16:50

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Danaru posted:

Don't date the bourgeoise

Never date them. Only marry them.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 16:52

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Pick posted:

Never date them. Only marry them.

The trick of course, is to either marry them so auickly a prenup never occurs or marry one and while they sleep use your status as spouse to build a getaway account if it all goes south. Or watch them die as you push them overboard in your yacht as you cruise the arctic circle.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 17:13

MinionOfCthulhu: Oct 28, 2005; I got this title for free due to my proximity to an idiot who wanted to save $5 on an avatar by having someone else spend $9.95 instead.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

My [22/F] boyfriend [20/M] is incredibly annoying.

She should dump him and get him hooked up with the chick who would reference the doge meme while having sex.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 17:14

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Barudak posted:

The trick of course, is to either marry them so auickly a prenup never occurs or marry one and while they sleep use your status as spouse to build a getaway account if it all goes south. Or watch them die as you push them overboard in your yacht as you cruise the arctic circle.

Exactly! Seriously, this woman thinks she's ~so smart and hardworking~ but she hasn't even leveraged his wealth?

"Oh sweetie, I am just a poor naive woman in trouble, and I love you, and also I would like to have an apartment as our dedicated gently caress palace. Won't you pwease help me? :ohdear:

" <--- hey lady, I have seen this work on semi-shiftless rich men ALL THE TIME, just try it.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 17:18

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

I don't know anyone that died from a DUI but being involved with that is so loving moronic that yeah I'd probably have to stop and reconsider joining the rest of my life to someone with such little foresight.

Like someone already said, no sympathy for the person who goes partying with no transportation plans at all.

quote:

I would be disappointed in my girlfriend for her bad judgement in a case like this, but primarily the responsibility lies with the driver and I would certainly forgive her quickly.

It shows a breathtaking amount of stupid decision making and it would make me question a whole lot of other poo poo about her. She's gambling her life and well being because she didn't want to call a cab? If they are engaged, it's kind of more than just about her own self, too. She's gambling her life on something petty with a husband waiting in the wings. Just... dang dude.

Plus DUI or enabling DUI is pretty goddamn selfish. No one else on the road matters, I gotta get where I'm going. I realize being drunk lowers inhibitions but being drunk doesn't make you abandon your principles (or it shouldn't).

quote:

The gal in this story may just have been too sloshed to recognize that her driver shouldn't be driving.

Maybe don't get that goddamn shitfaced in public then that you can't remember your driver drinking right alongside you.

Moridin920 fucked around with this message at 17:31 on Feb 16, 2017

# ? Feb 16, 2017 17:27

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Hint: dating a rich person is a job, treat it like one. Sly and eventually alcoholic women figured this out decades ago. Get with the program.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 17:31

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Seriously, the only plan you need to make to avoid drunk driving is to not drive to the first establishment.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 17:32

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

drunk girl whose "friend" got a DUI is a moron

# ? Feb 16, 2017 17:34

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Barudak posted:

Seriously, the only plan you need to make to avoid drunk driving is to not drive to the first establishment.

If you're a cheap douchebot, there are even volunteer organizations that will drive you home for free.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 17:37

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Barudak posted:

Seriously, the only plan you need to make to avoid drunk driving is to not drive to the first establishment.

Yeah, there's a lot of services to get your rear end to the bars and back even if they aren't in walking distance. Don't drunk drive, don't let others drunk drive.

# ? Feb 16, 2017 17:44