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My [25 M] long term GF [25 F] of five years is living paycheck to paycheck on $70K Gross. Gets stressed out any time we talk about money. How to get around this?quote:My girlfriend gets stressed out anytime the topic of money comes up. She has roughly $80K in student loans, $22K in a car loan, $1.8K from eye surgery, and $4.5K in personal debt of which $1.3K is to me and $3.2K is to her mom. She also has no emergency fund. We've tried discussing a budget but she usually gives up on it because it stresses her out. She takes lyft/uber to work most days costing between $6-15, eats out many of her meals, and frequently talks about going on vacations to get away from her stressful job. We tried budgeting before and she did so for about 2 months but that didn't last long. This poo poo right here makes me appreciate my wife. Not only is there no shame about using prepaid cell phones, driving used cars, or clipping coupons, she's proud of the money we're not wasting.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:20
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| # ? May 14, 2024 13:54 |
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TheScott2K posted:My [25 M] long term GF [25 F] of five years is living paycheck to paycheck on $70K Gross. Gets stressed out any time we talk about money. How to get around this?  People that are bad with money and do not want to change are going to be a burden your whole life. The debt she holds is (obviously) not a great thing, but it's not like that couldn't be paid down in a reasonable amount of time, and isn't something out of the ordinary for someone that got out of college within the last few years.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:24
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TheScott2K posted:My [25 M] long term GF [25 F] of five years is living paycheck to paycheck on $70K Gross. Gets stressed out any time we talk about money. How to get around this? Jesus, her fourteen year old sister will be getting her first car, a 2016, in 2018. My first car was a lovely mini-van that still had "My child is an honor roll student" bumper stickers.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:25
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flick my Mr. Bean posted:Jesus, her fourteen year old sister will be getting her first car, a 2016, in 2018. My first car was a lovely mini-van that still had "My child is an honor roll student" bumper stickers. My car was a 1990 Honda Prelude and I still miss it. Was a good car.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:26
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TheScott2K posted:My car was a 1990 Honda Prelude and I still miss it. Was a good car. 93? Ford Taurus, that thing was a beast, and bench seating rocked for packing a bunch of idiot teenagers into it.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:26
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TheScott2K posted:My [25 M] long term GF [25 F] of five years is living paycheck to paycheck on $70K Gross. Gets stressed out any time we talk about money. How to get around this? There's more issues there than simply 'gotta make a budget.'
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Feb 16, 2017 18:28
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MF_James posted:93? Ford Taurus, that thing was a beast, and bench seating rocked for packing a bunch of idiot teenagers into it. This is what I liked about the minivan. It could fit a loving ton of people in it and for some bizarre reason girls in high school though it was a fun novelty and not "lol he drives a minivan."
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Feb 16, 2017 18:29
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Moridin920 posted:There's more issues there than simply 'gotta make a budget.' The bit about paying twice as much as she needs to for cellphone surface really stuck out at me. She's literally the only person who knows what provider she uses and the status implications thereof.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:30
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I'm the adult woman who is still paying off a loan for a new car but takes Uber to work every day
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Feb 16, 2017 18:31
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"Ryan" and I have been together for 6 months. We live together, I needed a roommate, he needed a place to stay, it worked out. Anyway. Him and I were folding laundry lastnight and I started yammering on about random stuff, and one of the topics I brought up was decorations for the apartment. I told him that we have no available wall space and it sucks because I feel like our apartment is super bland, and then I mentioned that when we move into a bigger one once I graduate college I wanna decorate the place with nerd swag. I told him I wanna get wall scrolls, figurines, posters, and just some stuff to spruce the place up and make it more homie. He told me absolutely not. He hates wall scrolls, its bad enough I have 2 in the livingroom he has to deal with, he doesn't want anymore. I said that it won't be his apartment, or my apartment, it will be our apartment and he doesn't get to dictate what does and doesn't go on the walls. HE can't just shoot down all my ideas he has to compromise and let me do stuff to the apartment too. He told me "Exactly, it will be our apartment. This is our relationship which means you have to run all your decisions by me first." I dropped the sweater I was folding and told him straight up that I absolutely do not have to run every decision I make through him first, he does not get to dictate what I can and can not do, if I wanna do something I'll do it and if I want a wall scroll in our future apartment we may or may not be renting, I will go out and buy one. If he hates it so much I'll put it in a room that he doesn't go in very often. He then informed me that I DO infact have to run everything through him first, and he said if I decide to get my hair done, I need to run it by him first, if I wanna get my hair cut, I need to run it by him first, if I wanna buy something, I have to run it by him first, etc etc. We went back and forth for a bit, I then informed him that if I plan on getting my hair dyed next week and I'm torn between dark purplish red and dark reddish brown. I then informed him I'm growing my bangs out because I hate the short side bangs and he frowned at me and told me he disapproves, he prefers me with brown hair and short side bangs but I said "Well its my hair, I wanna dye it, I hate my bangs short, I'm changing it up." He spent several minutes trying to talk me out of it and basically telling me how much he prefers my hair the way it is but I wouldn't budge, I haven't dyed my hair in almost 3 years and I hate my bangs short they get in the way and they're impossible to tie up. We dropped the subject after that, and went into the livingroom to watch a movie but I'm still super bothered by what he said. Like, I'm his first serious relationship, and he's my third or fourth but am I missing something here? I didn't realize that I had to get the "Okay" from my SO whenever I decided to do or buy something... Is this some sort of unwritten rule or is my boyfriend being ridiculous. I need some outsider opinions here. Is he right, do I need to get his approval for things like decorations and me changing up my hair, or is he in serious need of a reality check? tl;dr: My boyfriend informed me lastnight that because we live together and are in a serious relationship that everytime I make a decision, whether its me buying something for the apartment or me deciding to change my hair, I have to run it through him first. I told him that I absolutely do not and this is not some sort of dictatorship where he controls what we both do and don't do. Does he have the right, as my SO, to tell me what I can and can't buy and what I can and can't do to my hair? OR is he just being ridiculous? He seems like a controlling rear end in a top hat, but I get being an authoritarian to stop the wallscroll menace.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:31
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Financial irresponsibility of that magnitude will bankrupt literally anyone. People who are, and intend to stay, wealthy tend to be surprisingly moderate on many expenditures because they know money can run out.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:33
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He sounds like the kind of villain you get turned into when you're trying to keep your place from looking like a weeaboo camgirl's dildoing studio.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:34
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That's insane. The boyfriend sounds like a douche but like....at least he's right on the wallscrolls thing. fakepostsnipeedit: TheScott2K posted:He sounds like the kind of villain you get turned into when you're trying to keep your place from looking like a weeaboo camgirl's dildoing studio. Yeah, exactly.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:35
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Smirking_Serpent posted:He seems like a controlling rear end in a top hat, but I get being an authoritarian to stop the wallscroll menace. I was kind of on his side about vetoing a bunch of nerd poo poo in the living room (seems like she already has a couple up so there's already a compromise in place) but then it got to "literally every decision you make must be approved by me first" and I was all  Pick posted:Financial irresponsibility of that magnitude will bankrupt literally anyone. People who are, and intend to stay, wealthy tend to be surprisingly moderate on many expenditures because they know money can run out. I feel like they also just don't want to waste money on frivolous poo poo. I like splurging sometimes as much as anyone else but there's splurging and just wasting money for no reason.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:36
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Two Bad Ants
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Feb 16, 2017 18:37
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Smirking_Serpent posted:"Ryan" and I have been together for 6 months. We live together, I needed a roommate, he needed a place to stay, it worked out. errrr the apartment stuff I understand (though he could be a little more compromising, but we're just getting her end of the story here), but the "you get your haircut you need to talk to me first" and other stuff is insane. wall scrolls are also awful.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:37
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Friends don't let friends buy anime wallscrolls. Also don't date lovely people who control your every move and your goddamn hairstyle. That girl doesn't exactly seem like some winner here, but dude's an rear end in a top hat who is halfway to straight up  with a vengeance. What is it with nerds and wanting a subservient sex doll for a partner anyways?
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Feb 16, 2017 18:38
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"Nerd swag" lol.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:39
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Murder anime nerds
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Feb 16, 2017 18:40
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Classic negotiating tactic - okay okay, you can change your hair whenever you want to, just promise to run the pokemon figurine display by me first, that fair?
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Feb 16, 2017 18:40
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:Friends don't let friends buy anime wallscrolls. Also don't date lovely people who control your every move and your goddamn hairstyle. That girl doesn't exactly seem like some winner here, but dude's an rear end in a top hat who is halfway to straight up Yeah but the question is did they start out that way, or did they turn into this monster by living for half a year with a loon who wants a bigger apartment specifically to hang more anime wallscroll "nerd swag" up? It doesn't excuse the level of overbearing control he's going for but it certainly goes a long way towards explaining it.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:40
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Responding with "you don't get to dictate what I put on the walls" is a great way to start an arms race to put poo poo the other person hates the most on the walls
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Feb 16, 2017 18:40
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I love how "nerdy things" always turns out to be cross-promotional merch for TV shows, movies, or video games the person likes. That's the kind of poo poo you hang in your room as a kid, you don't encrust your home with it as an adult.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:41
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:What is it with nerds and wanting a subservient sex doll for a partner anyways? Many of them have Aspergers and lack a functioning "theory of mind". That is, they can't empathize, and they don't want to be in a position where they are expected to develop empathy.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:43
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flick my Mr. Bean posted:Responding with "you don't get to dictate what I put on the walls" is a great way to start an arms race to put poo poo the other person hates the most on the walls a race to see who smears a poop swastika on the bedroom wall first
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Feb 16, 2017 18:44
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Those two both sound horrible and I hope they stay together forever. Also quote:I said that it won't be his apartment, or my apartment, it will be our apartment and he doesn't get to dictate what does and doesn't go on the walls. HE can't just shoot down all my ideas he has to compromise and let me do stuff to the apartment too. That's not what compromise means
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Feb 16, 2017 18:44
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TheScott2K posted:I love how "nerdy things" always turns out to be cross-promotional merch for TV shows, movies, or video games the person likes. That's the kind of poo poo you hang in your room as a kid, you don't encrust your home with it as an adult. There is no such thing as "nerdy" merchandise. If it's merchandise, it's just more pop culture bullshit the way it has always been. There is nothing unique or special about enjoying any TV show, whatsoever.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:44
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The guy is an idiot for thinking he can control her every move, but she sounds awful as well. Breaking up is the best solution. Also, how do you get a haircut that gets rid of short bangs?
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Feb 16, 2017 18:45
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Pick posted:There is no such thing as "nerdy" merchandise. If it's merchandise, it's just more pop culture bullshit the way it has always been. There is nothing unique or special about enjoying any TV show, whatsoever. That is a fact. The number of people out there who think "having things in common" means having the same media consumption preferences is sadly high.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:46
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And usually it's poo poo garbage like the crap from loot crate. Promotional items that can't even be sold so it's like eh, toss it in a box and charge dumb nerds 30 bucks a month to have our garbage
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Feb 16, 2017 18:46
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Danaru posted:Those two both sound horrible and I hope they stay together forever. That is exactly what compromise is.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:47
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Leon Einstein posted:The guy is an idiot for thinking he can control her every move, but she sounds awful as well. Breaking up is the best solution. 
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Feb 16, 2017 18:47
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Leon Einstein posted:The guy is an idiot for thinking he can control her every move, but she sounds awful as well. Breaking up is the best solution. Honestly when I see two insufferable idiots ruining each other's lives I'm thankful for it.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:47
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TheScott2K posted:That is a fact. The number of people out there who think "having things in common" means having the same media consumption preferences is sadly high. And it results in a lot of incredibly stupid relationships among insipid people who spend a lot of time wondering why two people who love the obscure cult classic "dr who" don't see eye to eye on childbirth, finances, and the meaning of life
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Feb 16, 2017 18:48
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CharlestheHammer posted:That is exactly what compromise is. "It's not my apartment or your apartment, it's our apartment, so only I get a say on what goes on the walls and you do not" is in fact the opposite of a compromise
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Feb 16, 2017 18:49
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Pick posted:And it results in a lot of incredibly stupid relationships among insipid people who spend a lot of time wondering why two people who love the obscure cult classic "dr who" don't see eye to eye on childbirth, finances, and the meaning of life These are the same people who think a woman who might enjoy Keeping Up With The Kardashians shouldn't be allowed to touch their sacred nerd penis. Because listening to four hour podcasts about playing video games is such a better use of your time.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:50
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anybody who tries to hang a wall scroll on my walls gets kicked to the curb
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Feb 16, 2017 18:50
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anybody who tries to hang anything on my walls that's not a dog gets kicked to the curb
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Feb 16, 2017 18:50
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Danaru posted:"It's not my apartment or your apartment, it's our apartment, so only I get a say on what goes on the walls and you do not" is in fact the opposite of a compromise That is true. Has nothing to do with the part you quoted but true nonetheless.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:51
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Yeah I don't think it's acceptable for an adult to decorate their home with advertising. It can be done tastefully, but that's the exception not the rule - I know a rich dude with a movie theater-type room in his basement and he has like, framed old movie posters hanging up in the entry area, it looks pretty good.
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Feb 16, 2017 18:51
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