/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

Subjunctive posted:

I'm doing a bunch of work on improving diversity and quality of life for non-bros, and my mantra is "more mediocre women". You shouldn't have to be a loving superhero to have a comfortable career in tech as a woman or PoC. God knows white men don't.

i'm a woman on an engineering team, and my boss told me that the women applying to work with us are near-invariably EXTREMELY overqualified

i often feel as if the devs are overly harsh on female interviewees, but since i'm not a dev (i'm QA), i can't really say for sure. however, there was a blond thin former model who could barely speak english and did not know what pivotal was who they wanted to hire until she decided to stay at her current job. hmm.

Pick posted:

I remember meeting a female engineer in a very, very heavily male dominated field (even for engineering), and she told me that on her first day, as the first female in the entire company, her boss took her aside and said, "There's no sexism at this company, so don't go playing the 'woman card'."

Just try to peel that loving onion.

And this wasn't the 70s, this was like four years ago.

in a conversation during our first female dev's welcome lunch, one of my coworkers said "as a man, laundry just isn't something i was born to do." fortunately, this is the most blatantly sexist thing i've ever heard any of them say, and the entire rest of the team was appalled.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 16:36

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 25, 2024 18:05

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

YeahTubaMike posted:

in a conversation during our first female dev's welcome lunch, one of my coworkers said "as a man, laundry just isn't something i was born to do." fortunately, this is the most blatantly sexist thing i've ever heard any of them say, and the entire rest of the team was appalled.

I hope someone shut him up with something like, "As a man the only thing you were born to do is poo poo yourself, luckily you can be trained for the rest."

loving hate that casual sexism not being called out.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 16:45

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Laundry is the best chore ever, too. Take thirty seconds to sort poo poo, toss in a load, go watch TV until you put it in the dryer and start another load, repeat. Then take ten minutes to fold it all. It's like the only chore where the vast majority of it is just straight up free time.

Unless you don't own a washing machine, I guess.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 16:52

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

Hughlander posted:

I hope someone shut him up with something like, "As a man the only thing you were born to do is poo poo yourself, luckily you can be trained for the rest."

loving hate that casual sexism not being called out.

none of us had a snappy comeback, but at least one of us said "what the gently caress is wrong with you" and it was probably me

food court bailiff posted:

Laundry is the best chore ever, too. Take thirty seconds to sort poo poo, toss in a load, go watch TV until you put it in the dryer and start another load, repeat. Then take ten minutes to fold it all. It's like the only chore where the vast majority of it is just straight up free time.

Unless you don't own a washing machine, I guess.

laundry is my favorite chore. i love sorting clothes, doing change calculations, measuring out detergent, etc. plus, the laundromat down the street from me has wifi

# ? Feb 20, 2017 16:54

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Every time I go to the laundromat another dryer is marked as FOR STORE USE ONLY and another one is broken

also the lady running the place looks like a melted candle

Boyfriend's [32M] parents will show up at our house whenever we have a fight. I'm [28F] slowly losing it.

quote:

So I live with my boyfriend [32M] of three years and we live approximately 3-4 hours away in the next closest city. The problem, which has slowly been driving me insane, is that every time my boyfriend and I have any sort of argument or get upset in any sort of way, his parents [69F,75M] will always find a way to get involved in one way or another.

It first happened two years ago when I had an argument with my boyfriend about one of his best friends who often drives drunk. My uncle was killed by a drunk driver and left behind three kids so I have absolutely zero respect for people who willingly drive while intoxicated. My boyfriend thought I was being too judgmental by not even giving him a chance but I disagreed. Anyways it was a personal thing between us until his parents found out and invited us over for a casual barbecue with that exact friend in attendance! The mom then tried to low-key arrange an "introduction" between me and that friend the entire evening. I left angry and mostly just confused.

These types of things would happen almost semi-regularly over the next few years. We'd have a fight about something personal between us, and not a few days later the parents would show up either in our house or in the neighborhood or pop up somewhere to have a "conversation" with me over coffee or dinner or whatever. It would always start innocuously and steer into bad territory. Always uncomfortable, always unnecessary.

Anyways, things came to a head this year. I lost my older sister in November and it's been unbelievably tough just to get through some days. She has a cat, so I've been talking to my boyfriend about adopting the cat to keep it from falling to shelters. However, my boyfriend hates cats, owns a small dog, and was worried about the dynamics of including another pet. It was all fairly reasonable and level-headed between us, although it was a tough talk. I didn't want my sister's pet to be abandoned, but I also didn't want my boyfriend to feel uncomfortable in his own home (or his dog). So...while we were in the midst of figuring out a solution (mainly on fostering while we tried to rehome with someone we knew well), his parents both showed up at our place to have dinner literally two days after we had this discussion.

Lo and behold, it was completely about the cat. They went on and on about how their son never liked cats, how he may even be allergic, how having more animals will only burden us, how I shouldn't think about taking care of animals when I'm grieving, how maybe I should even find a grief counselor since I'm obviously still struggling but in the wrong ways! The entire time, I had to grin and nod and act polite while I'm boiling inside. After they left, I was furious and told my boyfriend that I had had enough. He always maintained that his parents got involved because they "meant well" but I am just so, so sick of pretending to be pleasant while listening to the unending stream of BS they forcefully spout off at me. I once asked him to tell his parents less about our talks, but he refuses, saying that his parents are elderly and being an only child he has a duty to keep them in his life.

Anyways, what can I do? My boyfriend refuses to tell his parents less and we seem unable to keep his parents from spontaneously showing up at ours. I'm so sick and tired this time that I can't even humor them anymore. If I have to be lectured in a roundabout way one more time by his parents, I genuinely think I'm gonna lose it and just go off on them. Seriously, what do I do?

tl;dr: Boyfriend's parents live close to us and will spontaneously show up to "contribute" whenever boyfriend and I are having an argument, emotional event, tough talk, etc. Having trouble maintaining politeness after all this time.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 17:12

Bonster: Mar 3, 2007; Keep rolling, rolling

"Thank you for your concern, but this is an issue between the two of us and we will discuss it privately. How is your garden coming along, Eleanor?" And then politely and kindly and continuously repeat that it's not their business while redirecting conversation. When they're gone, dump your boyfriend and get someone who will stand up and tell his parents MYOB, we're adults and we can handle this ourselves.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 17:26

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Every time I go to the laundromat another dryer is marked as FOR STORE USE ONLY and another one is broken

also the lady running the place looks like a melted candle

Boyfriend's [32M] parents will show up at our house whenever we have a fight. I'm [28F] slowly losing it.

quote:
So I live with my boyfriend [32M] of three years and we live approximately 3-4 hours away in the next closest city. The problem, which has slowly been driving me insane, is that every time my boyfriend and I have any sort of argument or get upset in any sort of way, his parents [69F,75M] will always find a way to get involved in one way or another.

lol, here's an age gap story that breaks the mold a little

~~is it safe to say he's an only child?~~ edit: lol re-read the post, of course he's an only child

if you can't even have a discussion about your dead sister's pet without your boyfriend telling his parents on you you should probably :sever:

, lady, there is nothing in this relationship worth saving

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 17:35 on Feb 20, 2017

# ? Feb 20, 2017 17:27

Faffel: Dec 31, 2008; A bouncy little mouse!

Renegret posted:

wow rude I already made that joke UGH

I sat on my hot joke for too long and now I look like an rear end!

# ? Feb 20, 2017 17:35

Incoherence: May 22, 2004; POYO AND TEAR

Mirthless posted:

~~is it safe to say he's an only child?~~ edit: lol re-read the post, of course he's an only child

His parents were 43 and 37 when he was born, so unless they'd been together for ~20 years at that point, no one cares about their age gap.

# ? Feb 20, 2017 17:38

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Incoherence posted:

His parents were 43 and 37 when he was born, so unless they'd been together for ~20 years at that point, no one cares about their age gap.

The age gap I was referring to was the age gap between him and his parents

In theory there's nothing wrong with waiting until you're in your 40s to have kids, but I think it's pretty clear it was an issue in this case

# ? Feb 20, 2017 17:44

Renegret: May 26, 2007; THANK YOU FOR CALLING HELP DOG, INC.

YOUR POSITION IN THE QUEUE IS *pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt*

Cat Army Sworn Enemy

Faffel posted:

I sat on my hot joke for too long and now I look like an rear end!

I acknowledge our differences and respect you, friend

# ? Feb 20, 2017 17:54

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

My girlfriend [23F] made a joke about cheating on me [29M] shortly after we had sex. We've been together five years. I'm incredibly hurt and upset.