Leon Einstein posted:

Physically hurting your partner is only OK if you're Christian Grey.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I like how this thread has featured amazingly pointless arguments over defending physical abusers and pregnancy fetishists in the same day. Next, we'll have posters defending Nazis, and everyone's favorite, cheaters.

Yawgmoth posted:

I don't see why owning a painting that ages instead of you would entitle someone to abuse their partner

quote:

My GF [24/F] and I [25 M] want to begin exercising and lose some excess weight but my roommate [25 F] is radically pro fat acceptance. How do we proceed without creating a rift in the relationship?
Hi, my girlfriend and I, but more importantly I, am interested in starting to work out to chip away at about 30-40 lbs over the next 5-6 months. But our roommate is extremely pro fat acceptance.

When I say this, I don't just mean our roommate is against hating fat people. My roommate is literally pro-being fat and gets extremely offended by suggestions from the media or society that obesity is linked to any medical problem whatsoever. Obviously I don't agree with all her opinions, although I think it's her right to have the body she wants and to be comfortable with herself.

But I want to be completely comfortable with working out because I also want my body to be how I want it. I'm afraid that if I start working out, because of how sensitive she is in general, that it might make her feel marginalized. By working out, I wouldn't be parading the triumphs of my workouts publicly for all to hear but I still feel like her observation of my working out will cause some basic level of tension and I want to know, are there any strategies to mitigate this?

tl;dr: The bottom line is that my health is more important that my pro fat acceptance roommate's opinions and I want to make sure I do what I can to minimize the tension between her and myself and possibly my SO if we choose to begin exercising regularly.

edit: I should have probably clarified earlier about her perspective on HAES: my roommate is actually still against that. She believes that HAES still implies that being fat is bad and that it is still someone's right and their own business if they are fat and unhealthy. I'm not too sure what to think of that/where that perspective came from but in her view, HAES is like a movement that shames people who are unhealthy and also fat or something. I'm not quite sure, I purposely didn't delve too far into the conversation with her for obvious reasons.

edit 2: I should clarify that my reasons for exercise are mostly but not entirely related to weight loss. The other reasons are anxiety management and general cardiovascular health.

quote:

radically pro fat acceptance

Zelder posted:

lol just lol if you've never pretended to be a runaway slave in the bedroom for your plantation owning girlfriend

But seriously tho, sex breaks the brain in such a fascination way

Meridian posted:

That's Dorian Gray isn't it?

I Was The Fury posted:

A refreshing change from "my SO told me to lose 30 lbs in 10 days or else"

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

I had a girl complain that I listened to her when she said we weren't going to have sex, and that I should have forced her because she likes it that way.

Yes, exactly like that Louis C.K. bit. It was weird and I never spoke to her again.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I like how this thread has featured amazingly pointless arguments over defending physical abusers and pregnancy fetishists in the same day. Next, we'll have posters defending Nazis, and everyone's favorite, cheaters.

Yawgmoth posted:

I don't see why owning a painting that ages instead of you would entitle someone to abuse their partner

quote:

I [32F] had a one year affair on my husband [31M] of 5 years. His lack of affection was a major reason (I know it was my fault regardless) but now it seems the affair doesn't bother him which makes me feel neglected all over again.
u/francinesthrowaway2h

So I poured over the title for a long time and it's the best I could do in the space provided. I know I screwed up and regardless of the reasons, having the affair was my fault but I'm in a really dark place now and I really need some help. Please, if possible, go easy on me.

So I married my husband and things were awesome but it's almost like as soon as the honey moon was over he just became distant. He was no longer affectionate, he didn't greet me with a kiss like he had when we were dating. He forgot my birthday for two years in a row and never got me even so much as a valentines card. He was not like this before we were married--he is a bit of an introvert but he was still very affectionate, considerate and kind.

Two years ago we went to counseling and we would be given homework and I would dive into genuinely wanting to save our marriage. Thomas would seem like he would forget as soon as we walked out of the office and never did one inkling of the work. In the sessions he would just nod his head while I did all the talking. The therapist suggested that he needed personal counseling but he never made any effort to make it happen.

Last year I happened to be out with friends and I met a very nice man who sort of swept me off my feet by just being nice to me. It took me two times of "innocently" meeting him for coffee before I was meeting him up to five times a week in his loft to carry out the affair. I knew it was wrong at the time but I felt cared for and felt some sort of passion for the first time in four years.

After about a year I felt awful and broke it off. My affair partner fell in love with me and desperately wanted me to leave my husband. At the time I felt that marriage was for life and decided that working it out with my husband was how I should proceed.

I confessed to him what had been going expecting him to blow up on me, call me awful, call me names, anything. His reaction was "yeah I kind of thought something was up." He then sat down in front of his Xbox and 10 minutes later said "hey can we get Chili's tonight?"

That was it, the affair hasn't been mentioned. I've tried to apologize time after time but he says "it's fine, don't worry about it" and blows me off. I've tried to initiate affection with him, even if it's just to give him a hug and he always tells me "I have heart burn really bad, maybe tomorrow."

What do I do? I feel so much guilt for what I've done but I'm so hurt that no matter what I do I feel like some sort of neglected dog.

tl;dr: I had an affair, a lot of the reason was because my husband was so inattentive. I confessed and he doesn't seem to care and we are back to where we were or worse and I'm crushed

I Was The Fury posted:

A refreshing change from "my SO told me to lose 30 lbs in 10 days or else"

quote:

So my fiancé and I became engaged about 2 months ago. I've known we were going to get married for almost 2 years. We have a great relationship, we are great at communicating and we always are respectful of each others emotions. He literally is the best and I am so in love.

Despite that We seem to have a lot of equality sex issues. With him not reciprocating in the same way. We talk about this but it's not a topic of annoyance to him. For example: I'm always trying to seduce him in new ways and keep things exciting. And I acknowledge that when we talk. I tell him everyday that he is sexy and he turns me on. And if I see him naked it's hard for me to keep my hands off of him. But I feel like I don't get the same back from him. But when you turn things around, He ONLY, and I mean ONLY initiates sex at the same time of day after doing the same things and always in the same local and by doing the same things. We've talked about this and he tries to spice it up, but honesty, the predictability gets a bit boring and doesn't turn me on sometimes.

But for the real issue, the story starts yesterday(sort of). So late in the day during "our time" he was asking me and asking me to do a sexy dance. So I tried. I went and put on some sexy costumes and tried to have some fun, but it was awkward, but cute, we laughed about it and it was tons of hilarious fun.

Today, as we are laying in bed after showering, I ask him for one and he throws a grumpy fit and pouts, refusing to get out of bed and it begins to escalate. I said "please" but was already not feeling it thanks to his pout, but he gets up complaining and groaning and taking his time letting me know how much he didn't want to(real turn on huh?). I tell him it's fine actually and to come back to bed, so he plops down and rolls away from me. Apparently he is angry? He gives me the cold shoulder so I give it back and playfully yank away his covers to bring him out of it (as that normally does the truck) but he just lays there facing the other direction.... I'm not sure what was happening. So I let him be for a bit, I cover him back up and wait, then I poke him, and shake his shoulder a bit to get his attention and to apologize for earlier, but he is ignoring me. I can tell he is awake, so I try my usual routine for getting his attention: more soft poking, little shakes, playing with his hair and tickling his nose, but instead he snaps at me. He shouts "leave me the gently caress alone". What? We never say things like that to each other. Ever. In 3 years. I'm so confused and hurt. And shocked. What just happened? I started to cry, so i took a pillow and blanket to sleep on the floor. Now I'm laying down here agonizing over what happened, and I think he's asleep in out bed.....

Please help me, what happened? What made him so angry? Or frustrated? And why doesn't he ever want to reciprocate sexual attention?

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I'm really glad I've never dated a woman with a legit rape fetish because that sounds terrifying. I get being into rough sex and all that jazz, which is fine, but rape is a different continent of disturbing.

Yawgmoth posted:

I always get this one wrong!

areyoucontagious posted:

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I'm really glad I've never dated a woman with a legit rape fetish because that sounds terrifying. I get being into rough sex and all that jazz, which is fine, but rape is a different continent of disturbing.

Leon Einstein posted:

I'll never understand why these women fight so hard for these lovely relationships.

areyoucontagious posted:

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

He ONLY, and I mean ONLY initiates sex at the same time of day after doing the same things and always in the same local and by doing the same things.

Leon Einstein posted:

I'll never understand why these women fight so hard for these lovely relationships.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

"we are great at communicating and we always are respectful of each others emotions."

Moridin920 posted:

Eh men do it too. People get used to what they have and are too afraid of change to shake it up. It's human.

YeahTubaMike posted:

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Stoically implying that which chain family restaurant you eat at tonight rates more highly in your consciousness than your cheating wife's year-long affair is a pretty good own, all things considered. I hope I'm never in that situation but hopefully, if I am, I'll behave as he did (while filing for divorce).

areyoucontagious posted:

I [32F] had a one year affair on my husband [31M] of 5 years. His lack of affection was a major reason (I know it was my fault regardless) but now it seems the affair doesn't bother him which makes me feel neglected all over again.

quote:

Before there is too much sympathy, I served her divorce papers last week. When I did, I told her: I love you, but I hate our relationship. Today I am off and saw her, we talked and since my back hurt she gave me a massage (nothing more, she is an LMP). I carried a bunch of things to her car for her. She is doing a great job of hiding it, but I think she is heartbroken inside.

When we were still together we went to counseling, which was hard because English is her second language and counselors are freakin terrible about calling back. It literally took me a year to get a hold of a Chinese speaking counselor who could take us on. We saw her for about 6 months before the issues became too much.

The issues break down as follows: she doesnt respect me or my desires. At all. She likes to act like she does, and think she does, so in her mind she is doing a great job. But I tell her about which things matter to me, and she ignores them. Literally refuses to do them, then brings me a piece of candy or picks up my socks off the floor and congratulates herself about how nice she is to me.

For example, it is important to me to have dinner together. When we first were married we did it, but then she decided she didnt want to eat dinner anymore. I talked to her about it and she refused to do it, but said she would sit with me when I ate. I want to share a meal, not become a spectacle.

There are other things, but they are basically like that. When I gave her the papers she said she didnt know what she did, even though we have been going to counseling and talking about this stuff a lot.

Even though I dont have a ton of money available, I am wondering if I should hire a translator to write her a message in Chinese so she can understand it. For me to do this, I will probably have to write 5-10 pages, so this could cost me hundreds of dollars. We still love each other, but she is so self centered that she thinks she is selfless, and I dont know if any amount of words can get through to her.

tl;dr: Due to language limitations and stubbornness my wife may not understand the reasons behind our pending divorce, I am wondering if I should hire a translator to write her a long letter explaining it.

quote:

My fat friend [22F] asked me if I [22F] think she's fat
The event has already passed but I need advice for any future situations like this.

I have a good friend who struggles with weight. She is not one of those women who embrace HAES and think that fat and beautiful are not mutually exclusive. She gained weight in a very short amount of time and never lost it. In all other areas of her life, she is a confident, thriving person, but she has admitted that she feels insecure about her body.

One night, she point blank asked me if I thought she was fat. I don't know if you'll believe me when I say this, but I know that she was NOT scrounging for compliments. I know some may say she shouldn't have asked the question in the first place, but she did, and that's not the point.

I didn't know how to answer because she is definitely, undeniably fat, but I also know that she would not be happy with the truth as some people might be. She and I are very different heights so it's hard for me to estimate how much she weighs to give you an idea of what I'm talking about. If I had to venture, I think her BMI may be around 40 (and, no, she does not work out).

I responded with total silence. Mortifying. I feel like poo poo. What should I have said?

tl;dr: My fat friend asked me if I think she's fat. She's fat. I responded with silence. What should I have said?

quote:

For the longest time, I've been into BDSM, being mainly drawn to the sadism aspect. I've always wanted to be a dominant guy in the bedroom because, let's face it, I'm hardly a dominant person in general. So it makes me very happy to be able to express that in the bedroom at the very least.
I'm all for gender equality, and therefore find my desires extremely embarrassing because I feel that it's becoming less and less accepted for a man to hold that much (or any) control over a female, even if it's just for a brief time.
The only person I did it with before was someone whom I legitimately loved and trusted, someone with whom I was in a relationship for three years, and someone who was okay with my quirks and would even prove to enjoy being submissive. I'm not into anything too intricate, just run-of-the-mill stuff; ie. spanking, hot wax, whips, light bondage.
Of course, I was cheated on and was trashed, and I felt completely embarrassed that I bore my soul to someone line that and I felt like I'd never trust someone like that again.
Two years later, I was graced with a girl whom I genuinely and uniquely enjoyed; a girl who, cheesy as it sounds, made me feel "love" again. We've been in each others' lives for eight months, but we weren't an "official" thing until three months ago. Either way, I am very attracted to her and am growing to love her more and more.
I am very reserved when it comes to relationships. I didn't even muster up the courage to kiss her until after the first month. But lately, our relationship has started escalating, peering more towards the topic of sex, and last night I casually bring up "hey, I have some weird quirks that maybe someday you'll think are weird".
Her response: "I'm sure they're not that bad as you think.
...Maybe, but I draw the line at sadism."
She then lightens the mood by saying she also draws the line at convincing her that eagles are turning people into horses (if you'd like, go to YouTube and search "eagles are turning people into horses", it's a pretty funny video). I then stated the entire plot of The Lion King as one of my personal quirks. She laughed, awkward moment avoided.
She has been in a couple of abusive relationships with men who would smack her around; her family life, specifically with her father, has been abusive both emotionally and physically, so naturally she wouldn't want to be in that position again. She's hinted out that she's a bit sadistic, and part of me thinks that she and I have similar likes in regards to having power, delivering pain, and receiving pleasure. But the fact remains that men have, more or less, irreparably scarred her.
I don't want her to have to relive those moments. Hell, I've had my fair share of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse at the hands of many. I wouldn't want to relive that helplessness.
Sometimes I feel like a horrible person for wanting to hurt someone in order to get sexual enjoyment. But for some reason, the guilt adds to the pleasure and I end up liking the thought even more. I would never legitimately hurt someone. I just like playing around. And, I can't express it enough, I don't look down on her in any way. I never lash out. I don't even yell. I'm a really quiet person. I'm the furthest thing from abusive.
But it doesn't change the fact that I like what I like; I feel like if I give up that part of me, I'm giving up a huge chunk. And I don't believe that I should change how I am just because of a single person, regardless of how much I care for her. I'm just afraid that we'll continue dating while I have this stranglehold on my fetishes, and eventually I'll succumb to the same dominance that I've always feared and I'll never truly be happy.
I stopped freaking out over the female body when I was 12 because I realized that a naked body is just a naked body, and as "exhilarating" as a male orgasm can be, sometimes I feel like sex isn't even worth the orgasm when it's just as easy to rub one out. So just "sex" isn't enough to get me going. I like playing with things I don't have. Hell, that's half the reason I go to Guitar Center.
What should I do? Is there any way that I can introduce it in a friendly manner? I'm extremely afraid that if I tell her she's going to head for the hills. I haven't felt as loved as I do now in a long time. And I don't want to give her up.
TL;DR: Sadism is the only thing my girlfriend doesn't like, that's the thing that I enjoy most of all, and I have no idea how to tell her.

quote:

This never became a topic of conversation. She said she needed to talk one night, and instead of waiting the next day I asked if I could see her. She said yes, I met with her, and we talked. As it turns out, she was a lesbian the entire time, and was just trying to convince herself that she wasn't. I still love her. I really do. But I know that doesn't mean much. Now that we're split, I'm glad that she can look for what she really wants. But either way, I'm incredibly devastated and hurt tremendously. I don't know what to do. Thanks to who responded to my original post. It really helped.
TL;DR: Lady was lesbian, thanks to those who tried to help.

Gluten Freeman posted:

count the red flags

My [45 M] wife [28 F] of two years is moving out, but I wonder if I should give it one last shot


43 year old man who does not speak Chinese at all marries 26 year old Chinese woman who has some trouble understanding English. Hmmm.

quote:

Quick backstory, we've been married for ten years, together for 12. We have two kids (about to be 6 and 7). He's always been self-sufficient because his parents made him to a lot for himself growing up and he moved out as soon as he turned 18.

For the past few years, he has been the worst manchild though. He asks me to do EVERYTHING for him (I mean everything, yesterday he asked me to tear him a piece of tinfoil because he claimed to not know how), and if I don't he throws a legit toddler tantrum (think whining, footstomping). I won't get too deep into that aside from one of the things he insists I do is rub his head until he falls asleep. Our kids don't get in bed until after 9 because of this and I can't just walk out because he just yells from our room until I come back in and it keeps the kids up (and it's annoying as hell).

Tonight there was something going on at the kid's school, so I didn't get home with them until 8. I started giving them baths and my husband started yelling for me to come in and "put him to bed". I said I would be right in, I just wanted to at least get the kids washed up so they could put on their pjs themselves and settle down for bed. He said "no, get in here now" and kept yelling for me.

I got sick of him yelling for me, so I ran in quick to rub his head for a minute and get back to the kids. When I started to walk out, he said "no, rub more" and I jokingly said "no, I have to put my other kids to bed". His response was "go gently caress yourself", then I just started to walk out and he threw my pillow at me and said "No, seriously, go gently caress yourself. Get the gently caress out and stay out there".

WAT.

I seriously don't know what to do. Part of me wants to be like "until you can grow up and treat your wife with some respect, you can leave" but part of me is just like...I don't know, too blown away at the immaturity to think of how to respond.

Gluten Freeman posted:

count the red flags

My [45 M] wife [28 F] of two years is moving out, but I wonder if I should give it one last shot


43 year old man who does not speak Chinese at all marries 26 year old Chinese woman who has some trouble understanding English. Hmmm.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

yesterday he asked me to tear him a piece of tinfoil because he claimed to not know how

Leon Einstein posted:

Mail order bride. He probably expects her complete subservience and is disappointed when she makes decisions on her own. gently caress these guys. I saw some show about them, and the guys are the worst.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Stoically implying that which chain family restaurant you eat at tonight rates more highly in your consciousness than your cheating wife's year-long affair is a pretty good own, all things considered. I hope I'm never in that situation but hopefully, if I am, I'll behave as he did (while filing for divorce).

Nazzadan posted:

As it turns out, she was a lesbian the entire time

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I [34 F] am married to a manchild [34] who has just gone from annoying to inappropriate

WampaLord posted:

I know we joke around with and all.

But someone should actually murder this man.