/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

new phone who dis posted:

The unbelievable part is the possibility of stringing someone along for over a year until after the wedding. It's a perfectly formed nightmare scenario created either for the purpose of stoking hatred, jerking off, or both.

that... really isn't the implausible part, dogg

My[21F] boyfriend [22M] watches porn behind my back when we have sex. Help?

quote:

My boyfriend has a habit of turning to his phone while we are having sex so he can satisfy his "urges" by watching porn. This morning, while in the middle of sex, I heard him tapping on phone (I was on my side and he was behind me). I turned around really quick and asked him what he was doing. He then tried to quickly hide his phone from me but the damage was already done; he also tried to lie, and then told me not to worry about it.

This is not the first time that I caught him doing this and he continuously tells me that it is not going to happen again, he promises and that I need to trust him yet he still does things like this. I have not problem with us watching porn while we have sex sometimes, as long as he asks me before so but he goes to tell me that he can't look at what he wants to look at when we watch it together; at times he rather watch the porn by himself than put it on the TV or pull it up on the laptop.

My boyfriend has a really big fetish for Asian women that I believe is more of an obsession lately. I did not have a problem with it in the beginning until he started to say that they were "perfect" and characteristics that would normally turn him off (crooked teeth, short hair, obnoxious moaning, etc.) does not apply to them because they can get by with drat near anything in his book. Anyway, he tells me that because he has these "urges" and that he assumes that I would have gotten upset if he suggested putting on Asian porn, he looked at pictures of futa on here (reddit) and looked at Asian girls until I caught him and wouldn't let me pull away from him until he came because he was already close (he cums fast from looking at them).

He tells me that he is sorry, and that he will never do it again and that I should trust him (like always) but I don't think I can anymore. I honestly do not know what to do. I had a really bad mental breakdown today as well because he tried to throw the blame on me because I don't take to well to his fetishes so it's my fault that he has to sneak to do things and I just snapped.

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 19:55 on Feb 23, 2017

# ? Feb 23, 2017 19:52

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# ? May 11, 2024 17:08

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; Buglord

Moridin920 posted:

I wouldn't marry someone without loving or living with them first but as a bi person that whole thing is just amusing to me bc I'm imagining my reaction and it would be more like "oh okay." Still the same person they were before the pants came off.

People are way too hung up on what's in their partners pants

# ? Feb 23, 2017 19:59

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

that... really isn't the implausible part, dogg

My[21F] boyfriend [22M] watches porn behind my back when we have sex. Help?

This is one of the more hosed up things I've read here that seems plausible. How loving addicted to porn do you have to be to secretly look it up when you're literally balls-deep already?

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:02

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

food court bailiff posted:

This is one of the more hosed up things I've read here that seems plausible. How loving addicted to porn do you have to be to secretly look it up when you're literally balls-deep already?

I just need you to kneel down and be a hole and I'll just balance the laptop on your back.... there we go

*pulls up futa hentai*

No no you have to stay still you're wobbling the laptop. Be quiet please.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:05

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

it's a tough situation but i can sympathize as I, too, need a 24/7 IV drip of anime dickgirls or my heart will stop immediately

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:06

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

it's a tough situation but i can sympathize as I, too, need a 24/7 IV drip of anime dickgirls or my heart will stop immediately

It's like the movie Crank and you don't even have to change the name.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:10

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Pvt.Scott posted:

It's like the movie Crank and you don't even have to change the name.

holy poo poo

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:10

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Pvt.Scott posted:

It's like the movie Crank and you don't even have to change the name.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:11

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Pvt.Scott posted:

/r/relationships: It's like the movie Crank and you don't even have to change the name.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:15

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

food court bailiff posted:

That's not what happened in the story though, she moved back in with her family.

Her family being okay with her new gender identity has nothing to do with how poorly it may be received by other members of her religion, which is demonstrated exactly by what happened with her new husband.

new phone who dis posted:

The unbelievable part is the possibility of stringing someone along for over a year until after the wedding. It's a perfectly formed nightmare scenario created either for the purpose of stoking hatred, jerking off, or both.

The purpose of my story is showing the disgusting hatred that religious types tend to harbor towards LGBT folks, so it is very believable that she was scared of telling her husband, let alone other people in her religious community, about her sexuality. It's almost certain that sex exists purely for procreation between married couples in their religion and transwomen are seen as abominations, unfortunately. Also equally likely that sex is never discussed in their community beyond "You put your penis in her vagina to make babies", so what possible reason would they have to discuss sexuality before marriage? Especially when OP's wife had every reason in the world to hide it and hope dude maybe had an open mind past his religious bias. The ultra religious mentality towards sex, gender roles, children, and everything in-between is hilariously backwards and nothing like any bog standard sexhaver who posts in this thread or exists out in the general public in any way, shape, or form. You just can't say "Well, why didn't they discuss her male genitalia before marriage?" because that would never come up.

I'm just saying that it's eminently believable because trans people are much more accepted and visible in mainstream society than in years past, but hated as worse than Satan himself in fundamentalist circles.

Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 20:21 on Feb 23, 2017

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:16

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

Pvt.Scott posted:

It's like the movie Crank and you don't even have to change the name.

dang

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:24

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

The vast majority of bog-standard sex-havers are going to be upset about a surprise dick, and the religious slant just adds to that likelihood. It's fairly obviously constructed that way to be as big of a nightmare scenario as possible. Just learning it early on in the relationship isn't enough, you have to really drive the point home with the marriage already having happened.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:26

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

new phone who dis posted:

The vast majority of bog-standard sex-havers are going to be upset about a surprise dick, and the religious slant just adds to that likelihood. It's fairly obviously constructed that way to be as big of a nightmare scenario as possible. Just learning it early on in the relationship isn't enough, you have to really drive the point home with the marriage already having happened.

Sometimes nightmare scenarios do happen though and tbh I don't see what is so outlandish about this story. You don't think anyone ever gets a surprise dick? Tons of trans people are murdered like that. You don't think religious types barely do anything more than make out before they are married? Haven't met many have you then.

It could be fake sure but it's not that far fetched really.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:28

MachineryNoise: Jan 13, 2008; So I shout "Set your life on fire!"

Excuse me, but if I don't point out every slightly implausible story as being fake, how will anyone know how smart I am?

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:32

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Moridin920 posted:

Sometimes nightmare scenarios do happen though and tbh I don't see what is so outlandish about this story. You don't think anyone ever gets a surprise dick? Tons of trans people are murdered like that. You don't think religious types barely do anything more than make out before they are married? Haven't met many have you then.

It could be fake sure but it's not that far fetched really.

It's too perfectly nightmarish. The religious subtext that prevents sex until marriage but somehow still allows for the hope of acceptance in the most unlikely of places. The weird focus on "seeing each other naked" rather than referring to actual sex. An entire year passing. Waiting til the day after the wedding. The family in the religious situation being OK with it. It's like a badly contrived movie plot.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:33

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Yeah I know at least one person who would not have had any clue what genitals his wife had until their wedding day. It's very strange to me but certainly not unheard of, and on the subreddit that's full of bizarre relationship outliers, completely believable.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:34

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

While I am not a religious Jew, I grew up around plenty of Orthodox Jews and I'm very familiar with their practices. The standard deal in religious Judaism is to date for typically 6 months or less prior to marriage in crowded public places where there's little to no physical contact. Hasidic Judaism is commonly more extreme to the point of arranged marriage through a matchmaker. While understandably rare, it would be really, really easy to hide alternative gender identity as a young religious Jew.

Basically every religious sect of Christianity, Islam, Mormonism, etc is classically very similar or often more strict when it comes to relationships.

Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 20:41 on Feb 23, 2017

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:38

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Yeah I know at least one person who would not have had any clue what genitals his wife had until their wedding day. It's very strange to me but certainly not unheard of, and on the subreddit that's full of bizarre relationship outliers, completely believable.

I'll admit it's possible, there's just a lot of perfect storm bullshit going on there.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:56

Incoherence: May 22, 2004; POYO AND TEAR

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

The purpose of my story is showing the disgusting hatred that religious types tend to harbor towards LGBT folks, so it is very believable that she was scared of telling her husband, let alone other people in her religious community, about her sexuality. It's almost certain that sex exists purely for procreation between married couples in their religion and transwomen are seen as abominations, unfortunately. Also equally likely that sex is never discussed in their community beyond "You put your penis in her vagina to make babies", so what possible reason would they have to discuss sexuality before marriage? Especially when OP's wife had every reason in the world to hide it and hope dude maybe had an open mind past his religious bias. The ultra religious mentality towards sex, gender roles, children, and everything in-between is hilariously backwards and nothing like any bog standard sexhaver who posts in this thread or exists out in the general public in any way, shape, or form. You just can't say "Well, why didn't they discuss her male genitalia before marriage?" because that would never come up.

I'm just saying that it's eminently believable because trans people are much more accepted and visible in mainstream society than in years past, but hated as worse than Satan himself in fundamentalist circles.

By not telling him you're weighing the chance that the dude accepts it against the chance that the dude's reaction is something worse than "well, we're getting a divorce". I don't have a good read on what those odds are.

Moridin920 posted:

I wouldn't marry someone without loving or living with them first but as a bi person that whole thing is just amusing to me bc I'm imagining my reaction and it would be more like "oh okay." Still the same person they were before the pants came off.

I get the impression that it at least requires someone who's not stuck on the end of the Kinsey scale. If you're bi, then yeah, it's no big deal.

Incoherence fucked around with this message at 21:00 on Feb 23, 2017

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:56

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

MachineryNoise posted:

Excuse me, but if I don't point out every slightly implausible story as being fake, how will anyone know how smart I am?

hm, point

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:57

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

new phone who dis posted:

I'll admit it's possible, there's just a lot of perfect storm bullshit going on there.

That's fair enough.

\/\/\/ goddamn RIGHT :v:

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:57

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

Improbable Lobster posted:

People are way too hung up on what's in their partners pants

Yeah, how dare people have sexual orientations. They should be enlightened and gently caress anything.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:58

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; Buglord

Leon Einstein posted:

Yeah, how dare people have sexual orientations. They should be enlightened and gently caress anything.

Yeah

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:59

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; Buglord

It would be really good and cool

# ? Feb 23, 2017 20:59

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Incoherence posted:

By not telling him you're weighing the chance that the dude accepts it against the chance that the dude's reaction is something worse than "well, we're getting a divorce". I don't have a good read on what those odds are.

you're reading the dickgirl as a rational actor proactively plotting her optimal path rather than reacting to a situation with no plausible good outcome by just shutting down, doing nothing, and putting off the inevitable for as long as possible

# ? Feb 23, 2017 21:00

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

You're dumb, and statements like that are used as fodder by right wing nutjobs.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 21:00

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; Buglord

Leon Einstein posted:

You're dumb, and statements like that are used as fodder by right wing nutjobs.

Me existing is used as fodder for right wing nutjobs

# ? Feb 23, 2017 21:01

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

reacting to a situation with no plausible good outcome by just shutting down, doing nothing, and putting off the inevitable for as long as possible

I got through a lot of my early years like this.

Leon Einstein posted:

You're dumb, and statements like that are used as fodder by right wing nutjobs.

I don't think we're being entirely serious though. I'm not anyway lol.

although you know if you have a nice butt it's a nice butt whatever is going on up front

# ? Feb 23, 2017 21:01

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

just going by appearances right-wing nutjobs seem well-fed enough that an edgy forums post is not all that stands between them and starvation

Moridin920 posted:

I got through a lot of my early years like this.

and often as not, turned out that worked pretty well.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 21:02

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

This guy needs to be careful, this person could have a benis

Me [32 M] am thinking of asking [33 F] to marry me, only problem is, we have never met

quote:

Hey r/relationships, long time lurker but I have never posted since I have not been in a relationship since I was 26, mainly because of this girl.
We started writing to each other when I was 10 as part of a Pen Pals program in elementary school. While the other kids sent a letter or two, she and I kept writing well into high school. Some time around then, we both got AOL Instant Messenger and began talking on there. It was really interesting talking about high school drama with her, since her schooling was so much different, but we only chatted off and on mostly.
Then I went to college and she left her home country to go to school in Europe. Then our college experiences became much more similar, for the most part. She went through a lot with an abusive boyfriend, and I got engaged to a girl junior year and then it fell apart. Through it all we talked every weekend or so about what we'd done.
After college, we lost contact for a couple years, but she messaged me out of the blue maybe 8-9 years ago. And we've been emailing back and forth, and then posting on Facebook since. Every new communication technology that came out, that my friends force me onto, I always thought, I should message her and say hello! I remember making stupid MySpace pages that she could critique.
Thing is, I had another long relationship (3 years) that I thought was really going to work out. This girl I was with even proposed to me, and for a week I had said yes, like Chandler and Monica from Friends or something. But then we both realized it wasn't going to work. And suddenly I was left with nothing all over again.
Of course I logged on and messaged my best friend, and she just said 'call me' and I did, and we spoke on the phone for the first time. So for the last six years we talk on the phone at least once a week and text constantly. I'm always sending "lol it's so lame/awesome/average here" and she'll tell me "there's a guy riding a horse with a bow and arrow outside" (some total bullshit she sent me this week) and we talk about our lives. And some of the stuff she goes through in her country as a strong feminist is really harrowing. Not like the gamer stuff here, like real violence and stuff. All I can do is listen and hope she'll be alright.
But I haven't been able to date anyone since that first phone call. Every single girl I meet just seems distant and nothing compared to this person that has known me for my whole life.
I'm not dumb. I know I have feelings for her, and I have to believe she feels the same about me. She stopped mentioning any men in her life maybe 2-3 years ago, and she often says "I really wish you were here...". But the thing is, I wish SHE was HERE. I've got a good job, lots of family in my city, and I think it's peaceful and calm here compared to her country. But like I said, I'm not dumb. If she comes to this country it's not going to be for a first date. So maybe I'm crazy, but I have been thinking about asking her to come here and marry me. Have I just built all this up in my head or ??? I Don't even know! I feel nuts! I remember writing that first letter to some unknown person in like FIFTH GRADE and then this is the random connection I've had my whole life???
tl;dr: been talking to a girl in another country for like 20 years, am I crazy for asking her to come here and marry me?!

Best comment

quote:

Meet first. Marry later. Even caveman know this.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 21:02

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

that... really isn't the implausible part, dogg

My[21F] boyfriend [22M] watches porn behind my back when we have sex. Help?

Dude has fantasized about the prospect of watchin porn while getting off, obviously shoulda just talked to and asked his gf about it but honestly it doesn't seem like it's too strange until it gets down into his asian fetish poo poo which is the real gross part.

# ? Feb 23, 2017 21:03

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; Buglord

Nazzadan posted:

This guy needs to be careful, this person could have a benis

Me [32 M] am thinking of asking [33 F] to marry me, only problem is, we have never met

Best comment

Desperation in 647 words

# ? Feb 23, 2017 21:03