Leon Einstein posted:

To be fair, either she forgives him or she doesn't. Holding it over his head and using it for leverage in perpetuity isn't healthy for anyone.

quote:

I [30f] am having a disagreement with my boyfriend [30M] of 4 years about his appearance.

My boyfriend is one of the hardest working people I know, but based on the way he presents himself, you might think upon first meeting him that he is a lazy slob.

He has shoulderlength brown hair and a scraggly reddish beard. 90% of his wardrobe is jeans and funny t-shirts. He has a couple of polos that I bought for him, and his work shirts. No slacks or khakis or anything.

For the majority of our relationship, I have overlooked this, because I know what a great person he is. However, a few things have happened over the past couple of years that have made it more of an issue, and we are now in a heated debate

- He wore jeans to my sister's wedding. Everyone let it slide because I told them it was all he had, but I did get a few nasty comments and he was not allowed to be with me in any photos. It was embarrassing.

- He recently missed out on a promotion at work. He asked his friend who knew the interviewer for some insight as to why. They said, verbatim, "if he had worn a cleaner looking shirt and at least bothered to iron it, it would have gone a long way". (He had worn a very wrinkled polo, and he and I had a fight about it before he left because I begged him to let me press it and he wouldn't.) I was embarrassed FOR him when I heard this feedback. He didn't seem bothered at all.

After the promotion thing we started to talk about it more, but he always gets extremely defensive and shuts me down for "being ashamed of him." I always feel really bad and I don't know what to say. He feels that because he is "not in business" and "not customer facing" (he works in a warehouse), his appearance doesn't matter.

The truth is, I'm not ashamed of him. I love him. But I am ashamed of the way he presents himself sometimes.

He has never really been a sharp dresser, but when we first met he was much better about keeping his hair and beard cut. This has sort of phased out and he now gets a haircut about once a year.

The reason this has become such a hot topic lately is that I recently got promoted at my job. It is a higher level, corporate job and I consistently have to maintain a neatly groomed and well dressed appearance. As a result, we look like the odd couple out in public. That's not what's bothering me, though. What's bothering me is that when I inevitably bring him along to some work functions, I don't want to have to be ashamed of his appearance. Appearances are very important at my job, and I don't want to feel like I need to hide my SO from my boss and coworkers.

Does this make me shallow? Am I wrong to expect him to at least perform the bare minimum of personal maintenance, to trim his hair and beard every few weeks, to at least own one necktie and a pair of slacks? I'm not asking him to dress to the nines every single day...I just would like him to dress up if the situation warrants it, like a job interview or a wedding or one of my work events.

When we first met in our mid 20s, this wasn't a huge deal, but now that we are 30 and I feel like we both need to stop dressing like we are teenagers.

TL;DR: I wish my boyfriend would cut his hair/beard and dress nice sometimes. He accuses me of being ashamed of him and not loving him for who he is when I bring it up. What do I do?!

Tolkien minority posted:

Cheating is terrible but lmao at shutting down requests to turn the volume down when he's ok he phone with "nope, you cheated"

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

I don't understand the title. They're both M/F? MtF trans?

Tolkien minority posted:

Cheating is terrible but lmao at shutting down requests to turn the volume down when he's ok he phone with "nope, you cheated"

quote:

I'm [17 M] having issues because I feel like my best friend [17 F] will drift apart eventually from me. (Very Long Post)Non-Romantic
submitted 20 minutes ago * by BjorkThrowaway01942

I used to like my best friend romantically and confessed to her months ago, only to get rejected. It took me until recently to get over it because she is now dating one of my best friends and after one painful day of separation, I realize their friendship with me is way more important than a romantic relationship with her. However, while I'm no longer jealous about not dating her, I'm jealous about something else right now.

The thing is that first semester of school, we used to talk a lot because of weekly volunteer work. We also snapchatted a lot frequently each day, probably a bit too much as it was pretty excessive. Since the confession, she had been messaging me less and less. That's perfectly understandable since she doesn't want to accidentally encourage anything, but I'm now over her and want to continue our friendship. However, I'm having issues because I want to also progress it so that we can be better friends with each other than before but right now I feel like its regressing because of a couple of things.

Obviously the confession. We had multiple conversations about this before the acceptance because I was being depressed about my feelings not being returned. She mentioned to me before that she had to be less affectionate and less personal with me as a result and that hurt me a lot. I really am over now, and while she's definitely way more comfortable with me now, its still not the same.

The boyfriend. I love and care about him a lot, but I just can't help but feel jealous about him. Not because she liked him romantically but not me. It's because she has to focus on him more and I haven't accepted that yet. I know that she ignores my messages now and will always reply to his and that hurts. I am genuinely happy for them and even like their relationship a bit, but I'm just not used to it. I wished she talked to me a bit more because we only been talking in classes lately without the volunteering and I don't eat lunch with her.

Last reason, gender and personality differences. Another reason that she cannot be completely affectionate and comfortable with me is because I'm a guy. I used to get jealous about being seemingly close with her girlfriends and not with me, over that though. I'm also different from her and her friends as well because she's very sociable and I'm extremely shy and introverted and awkward. I just feel that I'm at a disadvantage with her other friends and even though she considers us close, I wish she didn't tease me all the time and maybe once in awhile say something nice or affectionate about me, doesn't have to be physical.

I'm going to say this. I'm very aware about a lot of my problems and want to state some things. I know she loves me a lot as a friend and always enjoys my company because she said so herself. However, I just can't get over the backlash from the confession. I just felt that while we both enjoyed each other company, she didn't like me enough to let me be her boyfriend. And that's fine. I've only got to know her for half a year and I'm already one of her closest friends. Additionally, she did mentioned she had somewhat of a crush on my best friend for all of high school so that's okay.

I'm also still insecure for small reasons. The main one is that on snapchat, I have to initiate all the small conversations we have because while she's admittedly busy with school and her job, she doesn't do that for me anymore and rarely sends personal messages anymore. She does send personal messages to her boyfriend and that especially makes sense when they've been going out only recently.

And I know I shouldn't be insecure because our friendship is still really good. She agreed to hangout with me on Thursday and I know we both had a lot of fun together just chilling. She's also friends with my childhood friend on snapchat and she took a liking in her, so that's great and I'm really good friends with her younger sister. And our usual teasing and banter is almost back to normal at school, so I love that since it felt like it was missing for awhile.
But again, I can't help myself because of my emotions. I know mentally everything, but my emotions react differently. I know that I'm a clingy and needy person and that our relationship will never be the same as before. But, I can't help loving her as a person because I just loved the time I've spent with her. I may no longer pursue her romantically (because I like someone else right now), but I just want to progress as friends so that she could be completely comfortable with me like how she's with her other friends, even though they are not as close as we are.

So reddit, sorry for the long post. This was meant to vent as well. Honestly, I don't expect you guys to believe that I'm over but I really am because I took a lot of consideration of my own feelings and have been in a similar situation with my childhood friend. I'm just asking for advice to help me get over my mental block that she doesn't love/care about me and also maybe some activities or ideas that I could do with her or use for myself. I want to spend time with her, but don't want to appear clingy pretty much.

Additional Details: Separation is not an option for me because I did that for a bit and felt more miserable than all the months combined when I was depressed about her not reciprocating my feelings. It was counterproductive to my wants and that made me realized that I loved her friendship more than being in a romantic relationship with her. Also, I have plenty of friends to hang out with so its not like its not solely because I barely have any friends. You guys can still suggest that I should be with other friends if you want, I'll take anything but separation.

tl;dr: Please read it, but the gist is that I feel like my best friend will eventually drift apart due to my confession; her new boyfriend; and gender and personality difference. It shouldn't be the case because I know mentally she still loves and cares about me a lot, but the backlash from rejection still affects me emotionally and clouds my judgement.

quote:

I know that sounds crazy. It IS crazy.

I met my husband when he was in grad school. He was a paid GRA and lived on his own. I assumed at the time that he was an independent adult. I didn't realize until we were married how much his parents controlled every aspect of his life. They didn't approve of our marriage (due to the age difference) and skunked our wedding. Not long after he had a nervous breakdown and the entire dynamic of our relationship shifted.

I took over as his caregiver when he had the breakdown, and not just due to his mental state. His parents left him utterly incapable of surviving as an adult.

We lived together for almost a year before we got married. I discovered little quirks that seemed amusing considering his level of education. He didn't know what a measuring spoon was or how to follow a recipe. He didn't know how menstruation worked. He didn't know that the racks in an oven pull out. Silly stuff I attributed to his overbearing mother. Once he stopped communicating with his parents daily after the wedding fiasco, I learned that the issue went much much deeper. He didn't know how to file taxes, renew the registration on his car, apply for a loan or apartment lease, fill out a resume....anything that would be considered normal "adulting." His parents had done EVERYTHING for him aside from school work.

I've always had a very dominant personality so when I began the painful process of teaching my husband how to live without outside instructions, our dynamic became more parent/child in nature than husband/wife. This was not helped by the months I spent caring for his every need after his breakdown. Over time, this aspect of our relationship has taken over everything else. Please let me be clear here, I never wanted a sub husband. I wanted a partner. Someone I could respect and connect with intellectually and emotionally. However, the reality I ended up with is a husband who will, at times, behave very childishly and obnoxiously until I snap and force him to stop by using my "Mom" voice.

A few months ago he brought up the concept of female supremacy to me. He showed me a few blogs where the men serve their wives like subjects, and the women are treated like queens. They make all the decisions in the house and the men happily live under their rule. I looked at him with a mixture of confusion and disgust and asked if that's what he wanted from ME. He denied it at the time.

In the years since his breakdown I had hoped that he would eventually mature, and with my help, learn the skills he needed to be an independent adult. I've stopped babying him and doing everything for him. I forced him, against his protests, to learn how to manage his own affairs without constant oversight. He's made significant strides in this department and I'd had hopes that our marriage might eventually be more equal.

In a recent argument, he starting saying things to deliberately provoke me, ending with the comment "I need to put you in your place." I laughed in his face and left the room. Later he apologized and groveled for my forgiveness. A few days after he confessed what was really behind this behavior. He enjoys it when he is acting like a baby and I make him stop. When he told me he wanted to "put me in my place" he was trying to provoke a reaction out of me so I would actually put HIM in HIS place. He assumed that it would be enough to set me off.

He also confessed that he DOES want our marriage to be a full-time emotional domme/sub relationship where I rule him and he is my willing servant. He's been maneuvering us in this direction for a while without me even realizing what was going on. To be clear, I don't hit or abuse him, nor would I. This is just about control.

The part that makes this lovely is that a year ago he convinced me I could quit my job and go back to school. Even though in his mind, I am his matronly overlord, I am now 100% financially dependent on him. I don't think he deliberately manipulated me to quit (I was more than happy to leave my job because I HATED it), but it would be next to impossible to get back into my highly competitive, fast-moving career with a wage I can live on after such a large employment gap.

This situation is hosed up. I know that for our marriage to continue, counseling is a MUST...but I don't even know what my goals should be in counseling. Better communication, obviously...but then? Do we try to get him to a place where he doesn't want a ladyboss? Do I try to learn to live with it?

I think part of the problem here is that I am so far removed from a mindset that would DESIRE someone controlling my life, I can't even grasp where he's coming from.

*tl;dr: Thought my husband's childishness and desire for me to boss him around was due to growing up with the ultimate helicopter parents. Turns out he gets off on it. *

corn on the cop posted:

tell your goony rear end boyfriend to shape the gently caress up and learn to be decently presentable or stop attaching yourself to a dude who is perfectly content being a slob

Pick posted:

corn on the cop posted:

ah, to be 17 again

Pick posted:

I know, that one isn't "funny" it's just cute how it's so normal that I think every single person can relate to that story

quote:

submitted 1 year ago by screwedUp99

Hey,

This all just happened last night and about 2 hours ago so i'm still in shock at it all, sorry if i go into to much detail for some of you its semi nsfw and im going into detail also as a way of helping me layout my thoughts and process this all.

My SO and my sister do not get on, she believes he is controlling and abusive (he is not) the irony of this is that we are in a 24/7 femdom style relationship however she or anyone for that mater do not know this, when we started we agreed to several rules each rule had varying consequences for breaking it some rules where like, if i wanted to stop this i had to tell him rather than wanting to stop but continuing for months until it gets to much, no 3rd people (Without first giving a heads up) a couple of others about how posting on reddit is okay as long as its not obvious who it is and one rule was do not tell anyone, this was the only rule we agreed on that was a break up level offense.

Well my SO was trying to save his and my sisters relationship by inviting her over for a night of movies, pizza and video games, it was all going good until my sister went looking for something she thinks she lost here (note about 2 months ago she looked after our house while we went on holiday) we have a few box's (small box's) of sex toys built up quite a collection in the last few years typically each box is locked however earlier in the day we had a "session" and we forgot to lock them up, my sister found them and all hell proceeds to break lose.

I will say at this point we do have a cover story if this happens, most are regular sex toys (dildos, vibrators, but plus, beads, etc) which can easily be passed of as mine which we did and my sister fell for it (when i stayed at home she found my toys regularly so she knows i have them) as for the strap ons our fall back story is "it's for a threesome" my SO said that, whereas i told her the truth its for me pegging him, he was mortified, she was embarrassed, i then followed it up by saying that's why i know I'm not being abused by him because I'm in control of the relationship, the three of us argued for a while basically him saying I'm playing a bad joke, her saying I'm only saying that due to his abuse and me getting very flustered and angry, to prove my point and i am ashamed i did this, i pulled my SO's sweatpants down to show he is in a cage (Note, i instantly regretted doing this and honestly cannot believe that i did it).

My sister now believes that I'm not being abused and said she was sorry for the years of poo poo she put my SO through and he just told her she should leave and she agreed with him and left, she left and my SO just blew up and went crazy I've never heard him shout so loud or so much in the 8 years we have been together, honestly i was terrified, he then called the whole femdom style off and then proceeded to bin all of the toys we have, he once sort of claimed down he told me i have broken the one absolute rule we had, I've broke his trust, I've humiliated him, she was crying pretty bad at this point as was i and then he said he doesn't know if we should be together any more asked for the engagement ring back and told me to sleep on the sofa or the dogs bed and he will take the dog with him into our bed.

At first i tired to argue back that this was good for us at least now we wont have my sister telling everyone you abuse me, that didn't work, so i tired to play it of as part of the femdom lifestyle a sort of I'm in charge not you and this is what i want, that didn't work, i knew they wouldn't but honestly at this stage i was just clutching at every straw i could find to try and calm him down, nothing worked, for the first time since we started living together in 6 years i didn't get an "i love you" or a "Good night" or a goodnight kiss/hug i spent the whole night crying, i know he did too because i heard him at times, i wanted to comfort him but i couldn't face him after what had just happened.

Morning comes around, at first its going OKAY he isn't as mad, he says he is sorry for blowing up as bad as he did last night, i said he doesn't need to be sorry its me who is worry i should have never done that and should have went along with what we agreed etc, we hugged and kissed, i thought that was the end of it, he goes shopping this morning and got back about 2 hours ago raging again i don't know whats going on, he shows me, my sister has tagged him in tons of them stupid Facebook caption pictures basically saying he is pathetic, he cant satisfy a women, etc, i said none of that's true and i would call her and get her to stop he said there's no need its over and he cant deal with this any more and he would like me to leave the apartment.

WTF i thought it was getting better but thanks to stuff my sister did my relationship is over, I'm aware it was really what i did which i should never have done but in the morning it was like it was all getting better, but thanks to my sisters posts its over, what can i do, i told him he cant kick me out and i have 30 days to leave he was annoyed at this but said okay. I now have 30 days to win him back does anyone have any idea on where i can even start? i know i don't deserve him, i know i majorly hosed up, i know what i did was horrible and a huge betrayal of his trust but i have to at least try and win him back, I'm also pregnant but now i cant even tell him i planned on telling him last night but now if i tell him it'll just come out as me trying to trap him, so unless he takes me back no mater what happens its going to come out as me trying to trap him because i know without a doubt he will take me back if he found out and he will try to work it out but i want to win him back not force him back.

Thank you for any help you can provide on this and sorry for the light novel!

tl;dr: Told my sister about my SO fetish, breaking his no1 rule and he dumped me and has asked me to leave his house thanks to posts my sister was making on Facebook about the situation.

corn on the cop posted:

tell your goony rear end boyfriend to shape the gently caress up and learn to be decently presentable or stop attaching yourself to a dude who is perfectly content being a slob

Carrion Luggage posted:

he would be better off without her, hes comfortable, has a job and helps pay the bills

gently caress everything else

SpiderHyphenMan posted:

[I [25/F] told my sister [24/F] about my SO [23/M] fetish and then humiliated him in front of her, he dumped me and asked me to leave his house - 8 year relationship.

SpiderHyphenMan posted:

[I [25/F] told my sister [24/F] about my SO [23/M] fetish and then humiliated him in front of her, he dumped me and asked me to leave his house - 8 year relationship.

quote:

i pulled my SO's sweatpants down to show he is in a cage (Note, i instantly regretted doing this and honestly cannot believe that i did it).

SpiderHyphenMan posted:

[My [40F] husband [32M] turned me into a Domme without my knowledge or consent

54 40 or gently caress posted:

that needs to be quoted for anyone who doesn't take the time to read this.

Lol@the sister wanting to get in on this

SpiderHyphenMan posted:

[I [25/F] told my sister [24/F] about my SO [23/M] fetish and then humiliated him in front of her, he dumped me and asked me to leave his house - 8 year relationship.

SpiderHyphenMan posted:

[I [25/F] told my sister [24/F] about my SO [23/M] fetish and then humiliated him in front of her, he dumped me and asked me to leave his house - 8 year relationship.

quote:

Update: Thanks for the advice everyone it really helped me out and helped me put things into perspective, i cut my sister out indefinitely today, no contact it is, luckily she didnt tell anyone and she has since removed all the posts once i told her that my SO was reporting her to the police for cyber bullying and if she doesnt take them down before he takes a picture she cold be charged and sent her some links to articles where this has happened to people so she is pretty scared atm, he doesnt intend to do this i made it up but it seamed to have the desired effect.

Serephina posted:

There's nothing funny about the dom/sub aspect of it, and for the first bit I was actually convinced this was about a group of friends of mine (ages match, ~1 year ago) before the details diverged.

It's a pretty glorious fuckup on her and her sister's part, good on him for booting her to the curb, that's a pretty nasty betrayal for that lifestyle.

SpiderHyphenMan posted:

Oh man.

Antivehicular posted:

I always love stories like this where the OP just makes the most wrong decision possible at every point, like they were possessed by some sort of Idiot Ghost. Sometimes I feel like r/relationships is populated largely by George Costanza and his doppelgangers.

Serephina posted:

There's nothing funny about the dom/sub aspect of it

Psycho Society posted:

No I'm pretty sure it's hilarious

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I know we say the good dick will imprison you but what about the imprisoned dick?!

Doc Hawkins posted:

This gave me an idea for a terrible secret word. Only one result, but...

I [29M] cheated on my girlfriend [28F]. She's not breaking up with me, but not forgiving me, either. I don't know if I can be in a relationship like this.


Why won't she trust me after I proved I wasn't trustworthy?

It's not like it needed to be proven, but it gives great evidence against trying to "make it work" after getting cheated on: even if the cheater did everything you wanted and never betrayed you again, would that really make you happy?

SpiderHyphenMan posted:

[I [25/F] told my sister [24/F] about my SO [23/M] fetish and then humiliated him in front of her, he dumped me and asked me to leave his house - 8 year relationship.

Danaru posted:

I can't believe I'm rooting for the dude who's dick was in a cage for most of that story, but here we are

SpiderHyphenMan posted:

I hope she didn't forget to give him back the key along with the engagement ring.

Antivehicular posted:

I always love stories like this where the OP just makes the most wrong decision possible at every point, like they were possessed by some sort of Idiot Ghost. Sometimes I feel like r/relationships is populated largely by George Costanza and his doppelgangers.