/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Me [26M] with my older woman friend [56F], incredibly awkward encounter

quote:

Throwaway because this is a sufficiently embarrassing incident that I find hard to even write about, let alone associate myself with. I've been unhealthily stewing over this for years and need some kind of release/acknowledgement from humanity.
In my mid-20s, I lived for a year on a farm in a national park in the West. I was generally lost in my life, somewhat angry at the world and didn't know what to do with myself. I was working as a journalist at a local paper, writing about agriculture issues, and through a contact came to live on this beautiful old 19th century farm, living for free in exchange for manual labor, taking care of horses etc.
I wound up staying there for more than a year because, though I was isolated socially, I really loved the experience.
Anyway, I lived alone there except for an older woman, late 50s, who more or less inherited the place through her family. She was a hippie, a child of the 60s, fun and easy-going with a strong work ethic. She was divorced -- it was her husband's family's farm -- but she was on good terms with them, and with her two kids, who were my age, who visited from time to time.
We spent a lot of time together as a matter of course. We'd talk and laugh and cook meals together. Over the months, she taught me how to ride a horse, and we'd go on afternoon horseback adventures through the park. We definitely developed affection for each other.
She was very practical, like a good farmer, about matters of the body and life and death. It's hard to explain if you don't have experience living that way. She usually smoked a bowl every night before going to bed. Over the year she regularly had male visitors, most of them just acquaintances, with whom she would have sex and then break up with them before they became attached. Men loved her. I lived upstairs and would often hear them having sex downstairs.
As the months went by, nothing in my life seemed clearer, but I knew I needed to move on. I suppose I was a little unhinged from the isolation. One evening, in a moment of, I would say, intense confusion, I mistook a look of affection from her and a moment of silence as an invitation, and I directly propositioned her. I don't know what I was thinking, but I wanted to be close to her. I had a lot of affection for this woman, and was starved for touch. In short, she recoiled and I drove away in utter embarrassment.
In the days that followed I thought I would die of shame. After a couple of days I worked up the courage to call her and apologize. She was clearly hurt by my actions, demanded an apology and to know that it would never happen again. I did those things but it didn't seem to help, probably because I was too embarrassed to even go see her.
Needless to say, I moved away and, while we maintained some occasional courteous email correspondence, we never really communicated again. Still hurting from it a couple years after the incident, I asked her if she would get coffee with me in town when I was visiting the area. She declined. It's now been maybe 8 years but I still think about her and that night. She was such a good friend and I messed it up. I friended her on Facebook a few weeks ago, but she didn't accept my request.
I know I hosed up, but the loss of that relationship still stings. I suppose I'd hoped that she, as an older, wiser person, would forgive me and write off my actions as those of a confused 20-something. Perhaps my effort to apologize and make amends at the time was not enough. Again, I know I really messed up here, but I can't help but feel callously cut off.
Any thoughts you guys might have on this would be greatly appreciated. Did I really deserve to be cut off forever? I can't seem to forgive myself for this.
tl;dr: I propositioned an older friend in a moment of intense confusion, and it probably ruined our relationship. It still kills me years later.

I mean why even try maintain contact with her after that? Sure the weirdo sex-crazed hippy might have overreacted, but she was within her rights to do so.

A completely unrelated thread by him on a height related sub
Do I belong here?

quote:

I'm 5'9+ when I get up in the morning, 5'8.5" after a strenuous day. About 170 lbs (not sure that matters). Do I belong here? I feel too tall for /r/short but a tad short for /r/AverageHeight.

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:19

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# ? May 17, 2024 00:55

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

This savage snarling mangy beast is going to bite me but I guess I shouldn't strike it

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:20

chumbler: Mar 28, 2010

Who bothers to check their height at the start and end of the day?

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:22

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

chumbler posted:

Who bothers to check their height at the start and end of the day?

a person who feels the need to ask the reddit sorting hat how much of a manlet he is

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:23

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Fullhouse posted:

a person who feels the need to ask the reddit sorting hat how much of a manlet he is

Someone to awkward to live without constant anxiety.

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:25

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

Dogs aren't humans it's ok to hit them if you find it extremely necessary.

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:29

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

chumbler posted:

Who bothers to check their height at the start and end of the day?

Is that dude not hydrating all day while working in the sun or some poo poo? How do you lose half of an inch during a day? Does being vertical compact you that much?

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:31

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

His posture sucks, guaranteed.

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:32

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Friendly reminder that if you eat meat you can't talk about the ethics of hitting a dog :angel:

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:33

Breetai: Nov 6, 2005; 🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

Any dogs near me will receive a furious assault on their body, their heart, and their mind. I will call a dog a Bad Boy. I will deliver a succession of Stone Cold Stunners to any canine that strays within five feet of me. I will cuck a dog and make it watch.

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:35

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

but what if it was a pit bull?!?!?111

Breetai posted:

I will cuck a dog and make it watch.

Reported as Morally Inept alt.

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:35

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

I hit a dog one time and guess what happened? It died a few years later because dogs don't live as long as humans because they are different on many levels.

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:36

Barudak: May 7, 2007

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Friendly reminder that if you eat meat you can't talk about the ethics of hitting a dog

What if I eat dogs, but only dogs that are convicted by a jury of their peers of murder?

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:40

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Friendly reminder that if you eat meat you can't talk about the ethics of hitting a dog

Is there some weird cow punching ranch I'm not aware of?

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:41

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Me [29/F] with my crush [17-18 M] in transition, not too sure about this

quote:

Everyone I meet is either really old or really young. My best friend is 45 that's what I mean by the age gaps but we hardly notice the age differences since we're working people and not hard core partiers.
I don't talk to anyone my age at all because there aren't anyone my age around here. When I first moved into my new place, the people I live with were trying to hook me up with one of their friends. I like younger men, not younger boys.
The older men that I met just had way too many baggage and wanted to get married an hour after they met me. I'm not even joking. One deluded itself to thinking we were an "item" and he was talking like we were a couple when I had made it clear to him that I was never interested and this is a 63-year-old man.
I live with a family who has a teenage son and of course the teenage son brings around his teenage guy friends. They're all really cute, but again very young. Of course they all fantasize about being with an older woman. They kept trying to convince me his friend's parents don't care. All I need is his parents' permission which I have.
I said, "Excuse me, do you know how embarrassing that is to tell people my boyfriend is still in high school? I don't care if that's barely legal. It's still embarrassing."
tl;dr: I've asked other friends about this and they said don't go there! Sure it's legal, but still, I'm almost 30 and the guy is still in high school for Pete's sake not even in college yet.
But what am I to do when I'm not meeting anyone and the people that are introduced to me are all way younger than me? Should I just go with the flow on this one?
Edit: Not surprised that some people still feel the need to share their "two cents" in something non-existent. Oh well, people will be people and accuse people of things because that's just who they are. As for those who actually gave helpful advice without the judging I appreciate that. I guess some people still need to learn the difference between younger MEN and younger BOYS before they start getting on their high horses. **I don't need anyone's accusations about me "preying" on these young ones when they're the ones hitting on me and I'm not responding. So before anyone accuses me of anything, make sure you read my post clear. Thanks.

Comments

quote:

How do the parents of the boy you live with feel about you preying on his friends? (I use preying because that is what they will think... and it is hella wrong)

quote:

Except I'm not the one preying they're the ones hitting on me. Like I said, I like younger men, not boys so I don't need your accusations nor your attitude. Thanks.

Uh... this story wasn't what I was expecting from the title

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:41

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

therobit posted:

Are you in a dom/sub relationship with the dog? If so how can you be sure it is consensual?

When around dogs I never wear suits, only my sweats and dick slinky.

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:49

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

me irl every minute of my life

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:51

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

I fought the dog and the dog won.

# ? Feb 27, 2017 23:54

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Pvt.Scott posted:

Never hit a dog, ever? Not a wild pack of family dogs out for blood? Not a dog with a knife tucked in its collar? Not a shaved lab with white power tattoos and metal teeth?

E: chocolate lab in a white suburb gonna get shot by the police.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berwyn_Heights,_Maryland_mayor%27s_residence_drug_raid

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:06

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Nazzadan posted:

Me [29/F] with my crush [17-18 M] in transition, not too sure about this

Comments

OP

Uh... this story wasn't what I was expecting from the title

Oh mein gott :captainpop:

Barudak posted:

What if I eat dogs, but only dogs that are convicted by a jury of their peers of murder?

Acceptable

WampaLord posted:

Is there some weird cow punching ranch I'm not aware of?

Yes and you are missing out

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:07

Marius Pontmercy: Apr 2, 2007; Liberte
Egalite
Beyonce

Nazzadan posted:

Me [29/F] with my crush [17-18 M] in transition, not too sure about this

Comments

OP

Uh... this story wasn't what I was expecting from the title

I'm not doing anything and so all the people around me are 18!? How am I not gonna bone an 18 year old!?

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:08

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

me irl every minute of my life

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:10

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

"I won't lie to you, Neo. Every single man or woman who has stood their ground, everyone who has fought a poorly trained dog has died. But where they have failed, you will succeed."

"Why?"

"I've seen a Golden Retriever punch through an Armani suit. Men have flailed their arms wildly and hit nothing but air. Yet their strength and their speed are still based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be."

"What are you trying to tell me, that I can punch puppies?"

"No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to."

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:11

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Cow punching is an actual job description. One can be employed as a cowpuncher.

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:11

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Pvt.Scott posted:

Cow punching is an actual job description. One can be employed as a cowpuncher.

Yeah, but that's just another name for a boring regular cowboy.

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:16

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

Pvt.Scott posted:

Cow punching is an actual job description. One can be employed as a cowpuncher.

Someone was credited as "special effects armorer" in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. That's my dream job right there.

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:17

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

fruit on the bottom posted:

Yeah, but that's just another name for a boring regular cowboy.

Puts that Kid Rock in a bit of a different light

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:20

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

My [23M] fiance chose porn over sex and I'm [23F] having a hard time getting over it

quote:

Let me preface this by saying that, due to our circumstances, we are in a long distance relationship. I have also had some negative experiences with birth control that made it so that I could not have sex in person but that's a separate issue, though I will touch on it again later.
I've always considered us getting off together over Skype as sex but, until recently, he has not. It was the only way that we could be intimate due to the distance. This whole issue started in October/November, but I didn't really realize it because I saw him a couple of times each month so I didn't recognize the problem for what it was.
I kept trying to initiate sexytimes but he kept turning me down. That's fine, I thought, he's stressed out (which was true, he was incredibly stressed due to work). Then I got sick for a large portion of December and could hardly talk to him (yay asthma) much less do anything physical. I still tried to initiate though, because I enjoy being sexually active with him. In January everything came to a head, and he kept turning me down, and I finally realized it.
The end of January/early February he made a pass at me (which is incredibly rare, he hardly ever initiates things) and I turned him down because he'd just been talking about another woman, and I found it inappropriate. The next night was the night before our anniversary and I decided that I was going to do come back from taking a shower without any underwear on.
On my way back to the computer, I realized how loving stupid I was being. He didn't WANT me, and here I was, trying again and again for someone who kept turning me down. I had stopped trying to initiate things by this point, and was kind of heart broken.
He chose to get off to porn because it was 'easier' and 'faster' than getting off with me. As soon as he realized how bad the situation was, he made the decision himself to stop watching porn. By this point, he hasn't even gotten off without me.
He absolutely destroyed my sense of self worth and level of comfort in the relationship. I cannot stand approaching him again and again with him turning me down so that he can go look at porn after he gets off Skype with me.
I put down some ground rules. No porn until he stops going to it instead of me to get off (for months at a time while I try to get off with him), he has to initiate things now because I just. I can't. Not yet, I can't even write this without crying and it's been weeks since it happened. I can't even get off to porn myself (not hypocritical in this sense because I have no problem initiating things with him) without feeling disgusting and worthless.
He is honestly trying, and I just can't get over it. I feel terrible about myself, unwanted, and unattractive, even though he assured me that none of this was the issue. I don't WANT to approach him for sex anymore, I feel utterly rejected.
He's been approaching me because (surprise, surprise, he has a libido when he isn't spending all the time away from me jerking off to porn), but I'm having a really hard time with it all. I really enjoy sex with him, but as it stands I'm miserable and I hate bringing it up to him again because this is all me and I feel like I'm just beating a dead horse.
To make things even better, he's military and is about to go away for a year, meaning that I get to deal with this AGAIN in two months for a year. I just can't handle that, I told him that I couldn't handle it, and I know that I can't be second place to porn for the year we're separated by his job.
To make things worse, we couldn't have sex in person for several months. Unfortunately, birth control and I do not agree. I got on Depo in October and was fine for the first couple of months, but by late November the side effects started. It killed my libido (didn't matter to me, I LOVE seeing him and helping him get off, so I would always have sex with him anyway) and then it killed my ability to have sex. I got vaginal dryness in a way that nothing really fixed, we tried lube, didn't help. I'm now off Depo but I'm terrified that this is a permanent issue that we're going to have to deal with. I was unable to have sex with him December and January in person, despite us trying.
I see him for the first time in a month this weekend, and sex has become a source of anxiety for me. Virtually, I don't want to have sex with him because I feel rejected, in person I am terrified that I CAN'T have sex with him because it just hasn't been working.
I just really want to be okay with everything, and I know a lot of this isn't him, it's because I had a lot of issues with sex in my last relationship (my ex was very... rapey and used my body as his own, regardless of whether or not I was in the mood). I didn't even know I HAD a libido until I started dating my SO. I was also abused as a child and have a REALLY hard time with rejection because I hardly ever ask for anything. I used to work myself up when asking to have ice cream after dinner because I was so used to being told no about everything.
I just want my sex life and peace of mind back, and I don't know how. I've forgiven him for the whole porn over our sex life thing, but I just can't get over it. Do I just need time? Is there something I can do?
For unrelated, and possibly related now, reasons I plan on starting therapy after he leaves (though my issues with my ex should give you a good starting point on why), and I'm hoping to be in a much healthier place when he returns. He's agreed to go to couples' therapy with me when he gets back, and individual therapy for his own issues that I'm not going to discuss as they don't relate to the topic.
TL;DR: LDR boyfriend killed his libido by getting off to porn, which caused him to constantly reject me when I initiated things, making me feel really unwanted. To make things better, Depo made sex in person impossible for a couple of months. Just looking for some ways to work through things.
Edit: I'm just bolding everything important because everyone is ignoring the issue in favor of getting on me for (legasp) my fiance deciding to stop viewing porn on his own to save our sex life.

The porn monster strikes again!

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:23

chumbler: Mar 28, 2010

Nobody in porn says "sexytimes" so I think homeboy made the right choice.

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:37

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

My odd friend [30F] has very recently met this guy [30?M] after a very long dry spell (some of it including some self induced celibacy time to accomplish....something) who she actually has some interest in. Right off the bat she tells me though how he's very old fashioned about sex, to the point of feeling like masturbation should only done sparingly. :redflag:

to me but hey I don't have to date the guy.

They hang out some number of times and then as she tends to starts to wonder if they are "going too fast". Given they haven't done well anything I kinda laugh at her and tell her to stop being dramatic and try to fake acting like a normal person. Today mentions how she's so preoccupied trying to do this right, I tell to relax it will work out or it won't. Long as she doesn't do anything stupid like invite him to meet her family real soon, thinking back to that story of the guy who got ambushed on his first date. Joke's on me, he's already asked her to come meet his family next month! :redflag:

The next part well I'll just quote her:

quote:

I'm making a list of hurdles I think we should get through before decided to be a couple.

Talking about core values, going on a road trip, seeing how we handle our first argument/fight, playing competitive games,meeting the families, seeing how we handle 48 hours without communication, dealing with the "Vegas" trip, talking about future goals and finances, talking about holiday schedules, etc. still researching ideas

He doesn't want to have sex until he knows we have a potential future together. I'm trying to come up with activities that will show our compatibility over the next 6 months.

I tell her she's come up with a great business plan and hey sounds like neither of them know how to handle other people so they will probably be perfect for each other.

Course my view of this broke down to: beep boop required achievements are completed, sex mini game is now available

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:47

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Nah, they have to grind a lot more before that minigame unlocks

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:49

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Grem posted:

I hit a dog one time and guess what happened? It died a few years later because dogs don't live as long as humans because they are different on many levels.

Murderer!

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:50

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

VanSandman posted:

Pick will testify if she's not too drunk on power that I am a dog fanatic.
This dog argument is hilarious to me.

Aye, you love dogs. I also love dogs (probably less) but I don't know your PoV on this actually. I assume you'd at least agree that the girlfriend is a turdball.

e: also, puppies... april?

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:50

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

me irl every minute of my life

I think Something Awful can be more real than this world. All Wizard of Goatse does is click the post button here, but there, we have to watch Fido die.

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:53

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

WampaLord posted:

Is there some weird cow punching ranch I'm not aware of?

They often punch the cow in the forehead to stun it. But not with fists, so...

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:54

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

I [17M] loving hate it here on this farm mom dragged me along to. I have a cousin [14M] who's a farm boy and I'm sick of him getting up to do his "chores" every morning

quote:

I hate it here for several reasons.
There's nothing to do in this small rear end town. All the teenagers here are dating each other so it's not even as if there's a free girl to mess around with. My cousin has a girlfriend who he gets to go out with once he's done. She hates me and won't say a word to me.
This farm is loving creepy at night time. You cannot hear a single sound from outside and when you do it scares the poo poo out of you. never mind the fact we're surrounded by woods and it's pitch black.
I hate working on this farm. He makes me carry the hay from the barn to the horses. It makes such a mess and the horses crap everywhere.
he gets up when it's pitch black and expects me to walk with him through the darkness with a flashlight. He does it himself
TL;DR: I hate it here, how do I get mom to let us go home early?

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:56

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Nazzadan posted:

I [17M] loving hate it here on this farm mom dragged me along to. I have a cousin [14M] who's a farm boy and I'm sick of him getting up to do his "chores" every morning

Farm gay, so what?

# ? Feb 28, 2017 00:59

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Nazzadan posted:

I [17M] loving hate it here on this farm mom dragged me along to. I have a cousin [14M] who's a farm boy and I'm sick of him getting up to do his "chores" every morning

I think they just live there now, and I expect his posts to slowly change until "P.S. please if you get a chanse lik some posts on Algernons page in /r bak yard."

# ? Feb 28, 2017 01:00

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Sounds like a coming of age film. He can't seem to find a girlfriend, but will he find...himself?

# ? Feb 28, 2017 01:04

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# ? May 17, 2024 00:55

Marius Pontmercy: Apr 2, 2007; Liberte
Egalite
Beyonce

Buddy! You don't find a single girl, you mess around with a girl who is dating someone, stirring up more drama because you're all bored. That's Country.

# ? Feb 28, 2017 01:04

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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