- Moridin920
- Nov 15, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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quote:Just suck it up and have sex?
yea
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Mar 1, 2017 01:22
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 9, 2024 14:09
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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Don't tears generally lower a man's testosterone? Even on top of depression not being an attractive look that probably isn't helping the issue.
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Mar 1, 2017 01:22
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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Me [31M] with my wife [30F] 3 years. Not attracted to her right now (not due to physical reasons).
Sexy time
I feel sorry for this guy. What a lovely situation.
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Mar 1, 2017 01:24
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- I Was The Fury
- Oct 19, 2012
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Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds
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E: lack of content, keep an eye on this post for a new r/relationships entry, coming soon!
Here:
My [25F] fiance [25 M] (2.5 yrs) thinks "fair fighting" is stupid and refuses to stop yelling, swearing, interrupting, etc. when we fight. Is there anything I can do to change this?
quote:We have lived together for 1.5 years, together 2.5 years total. Engaged for 8 months. I want to know if counseling is our last option or if there's something I can still do on my own.
Whenever we fight, I try my hardest to take the "fair fighting" route: no yelling, no swearing, no hitting or destruction of property, NO INTERRUPTING (this one is huge for me and he knows it). S/O's personal fighting style is loud and brash. He has, on two occasions, destroyed joint property (knocked a water glass off the table in anger the last time). He also says things that he does not mean during the argument (breaking off the engagement, for example). He interrupts me "with good reason" and drags up old arguments, even solved ones.
I'm aware of the red/yellow flags here but he is a good guy and I feel like we could have a wonderful life together if he would just learn to fight fair and apply the principles.
I have read The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work but he refuses to read it. (Note: I will make repair attempts regularly in fights; he disregards them. If he ever makes repair attempts, I am receptive even when still upset.)
He believes that psychology is bullshit and refuses to read anything about "fighting fair" on the internet. Is there anything I can do, short of individual/joint counseling, to get him on the same page? I can't "argue" like this for the rest of my life.
TL;DR: S/O refuses to learn about "fair fighting," saying psychology is bullshit. Is there anything I can do? I Was The Fury fucked around with this message at 01:32 on Mar 1, 2017
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Mar 1, 2017 01:27
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- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
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by the sex ghost
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edit: whatever I won't argue
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#
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Mar 1, 2017 01:27
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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E: lack of content, keep an eye on this post for a new r/relationships entry, coming soon!
Lol, literally the post right underneath you
Good Ol' Faithful
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Mar 1, 2017 01:28
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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it's not from r/relationships, but the title cracked me up
I think this might be but I know you're constitutionally protected in your own home. You can be naked anywhere in there.
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#
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Mar 1, 2017 01:30
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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I think this might be but I know you're constitutionally protected in your own home. You can be naked anywhere in there.
Just stay away from the windows
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Mar 1, 2017 01:34
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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Stop looking in my loving windows while I'm naked, maybe?
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Mar 1, 2017 01:38
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- LGD
- Sep 25, 2004
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Really depends on the state, i.e. the Oregon state constitution has broader free speech protections than the U.S. constitution so you can wander around fully naked in public all you want*.
*Note that this doesn't stop private businesses from kicking you out or you from getting arrested for indecent behavior (i.e. being naked is fine, jacking it in public is not)
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#
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Mar 1, 2017 01:42
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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Stop looking in my loving windows while I'm naked, maybe?
no
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Mar 1, 2017 02:00
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- Gumbel2Gumbel
- Apr 28, 2010
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Molested by a man at around 16. More fondling rather than full blown sex. Was desperate to use a computer.
YOSPOS and Reddit crossover!
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Mar 1, 2017 02:01
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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Yeah, centuries of repression and attempted genocide tend to gently caress things up
I don't think any grand planning got hosed up in this case, unless you count the fact that tribes and reservations exist at all. It is only recently that BIA has not officially been tasked with a goal of getting rid of the reservations. Reservation lands being sold back to whites by people who were poor or starving was one of the intended effects of the policy, not an unintended consequence. It is sad as hell, but not an accident.
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Mar 1, 2017 02:15
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Me (36/f) with an old high school acquaintance (36/m) keeps sending me unwanted messages and I don't know what to doNon-Romantic
submitted an hour ago by BreakupsBMoHard89
Posting with not quite a throwaway account, but not my usual account, either, because it's easy to identify.
I had a close friend in high school-- we'll call him Clark. We grew up in a very small city. Clark and I were super tight because I was best friends with his girlfriend Sue. Clark and Sue were also in my larger extended group of friends all through junior high and high school. We did a lot as a group. Clark and I were even voted the same superlative together in senior year and got to pose for a yearbook photo together.
Clark's cousin, Mark, floated back and forth between our junior high/high school and one in another, much larger city that was far away. Mark always seemed like a cool guy. We weren't super tight, but we had some classes together during senior year, and were friendly.
Fast forward a bit: we all grow up and go our separate ways. Clark starts his own tattoo shop. I go off to school in the big city and do my thing. Mark starts touring as a musician. We all keep in touch over social media, but nothing too crazy. Eventually, I move to an even bigger city across the country. Mark and his band come to play a show where I live. He messages me on Facebook to tell me, so I meet up with them. It's a fun night, but I definitely feel like there's a maturity gap between what Mark and his friends do for fun, and what I like to do for fun. Not judging, but they're still acting like I did when I was in my early 20's.
More time passes. Mark keeps in touch, but it seems like his intensity and his frequency of contact build in direct proportion to the amount of cool rear end poo poo I'm doing with my life. The reality of my life is just like everyone's: I have ups and downs and ebbs and flows, but I think some people really romanticize the city I live in and the type of work I do. Mark seems to be one of those people. It's really uncomfortable after a while. On a work-related stay on the coast closest to my hometown, Mark is pressuring me more and more to meet up him. It's honestly annoying and I tell him so. I'm trying to be friendly-- there's a web of connection between us that goes way back-- but I really don't like it. One night, I try to compromise by inviting him to meet me at a bar while out with a bunch of people I work with. He gets there way too early, and we end up getting there just as he has to leave. He is openly pissed about it, and I apologize.
My stupid mistake was trying to "make it up" to him by meeting him around the corner from where I'm staying for a beer one night a week or two after that. I get there and I'm immediately regretful, but I'm already there. So, we have a beer together and talk. I can immediately see that he's trying to take the conversation in the direction of flirtatious/sexual, so I shut him down. I explain that I'm at a place in my life where I'm really only interested in focusing on my work, nothing else. He keeps saying stuff to the effect of: "You say that now, but everybody needs sex." He's just being so creepy and so inappropriate. He goes outside to smoke a cigarette, and while I'm sitting at the bar alone, trying to hatch an escape plan, the guy sitting next to me asks me if I need help getting out of the situation. He says he's been listening to our conversation the whole time and it sounds really bad. The girl sitting next to him agrees. That's when I decide that I'm being a dumb girl and I need to get the hell out of there. When Mark comes back inside, I tell him I gotta get going. He, or course, tries to insist on walking me home, but I firmly declare that I want to walk myself home, loudly enough for the people around me to hear. He backs off, I walk home, and that's that.
The next day, he messages me. I don't remember what it said, but after some freaking out about it, I message him back telling him kindly but firmly that I'm not interested in continuing our relationship. I prepare myself for the backlash, but to my surprise, he seems okay about it, and backs off. Well, for the first few months, anyway. Then, he starts messaging me. When I don't respond on one platform, he messages me on another. Lately, it has been Instagram. The messages are never threatening. Just stuff like how we've been "friends" for 20 years and he can't just sit back and "let this happen," and how if I have "beef" with him, we have to "squash" it, and how much he "cares" about me and how he's sorry "things didn't work out" the way "we" wanted. Guys-- there was NEVER a "WE." He keeps telling me how "weird" it is that I won't respond to him. The last message he sent said that what I"m doing is using a "defense mechanism" called "dissociation." To me, it seems like, yeah, of course I'm emotionally detached from him because I want nothing further to do with him and think he's a creep. It also feels (and has felt, to an ever-increasing degree) that he's unstable and is completely manufacturing a close relationship between us that has never existed. He straight up ended his last message: "Love you and hope you can figure this out."
Guys...I'm loving PISSED. I want this guy to gently caress right off. I thought we'd settled it. I told him in no uncertain terms how I felt once before already. Now, it feels like he's harassing me into responding. I've been through situations like this before and learned HUGE lessons from them, or so I thought. I learned that you can't be too emotional (either too polite or too angry), you just have to be very direct. Anything further than that is baiting, and it will come back to haunt you. But this guy isn't taking the hint. I want to block him on everything and say nothing else, but once I do that, I feel like it will effectively burn down a lot of bridges in my hometown life that, once burned, can't be un-burned. As I have gotten further and further from my hometown ties, Mark seems to have gotten closer and close to them. I guess I'm afraid of a person I think is crazy getting to tell everyone in my hometown how "weird" I behaved while I'm rarely around for anyone to know better. I still consider his cousin a friend!
What's the best course of action? I want him to leave me alone. I don't want to encourage any further contact. Please help.
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Mar 1, 2017 03:48
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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My girlfriend [19F] holds hands with her friends [18/19F]. Should I [19M] be concerned?Relationships
submitted 3 hours ago by bitkuter
Hey, girlfriend and I've been dating for 2 months. In pictures and stuff she likes to hold hands with her friends, most of them her best friend. They are all girls. She and her best friends sometimes hold hands/link arms when walking in the streets.
Should I be concerned or is this normal? As a guy I would never hold hands with another guy.
TL;DR: Girlfriend likes to hold hands/link arms with her friends when walking. Is this normal?
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Mar 1, 2017 03:50
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- Gumbel2Gumbel
- Apr 28, 2010
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If everyone was as rational as her this thread would be boring as gently caress. Also I'm assuming Mark has a drinking problem or something, I'm guessing all those messages come at night.
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Mar 1, 2017 03:54
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- Serephina
- Nov 8, 2005
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恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー
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d'awwww.
Oh wait what the hell, he's 19 not 14, did he go to an all-boys school or something?
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Mar 1, 2017 03:57
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- Khorne
- May 1, 2002
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ahahah holy poo poo. Nice meltdown.
She is freaking out over her underweight boyfriend wanting to start going to the gym and asking her to tag along. "What has changed? My weight hasn't" "I've seen some boyfriends push their gf into going to the gym and they just stand there tracking treadmill time". Who does that? Is that for real? It sounds like made up bullshit she's trying to win a gold with in the "get offended over nothing" olympics.
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Mar 1, 2017 04:07
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- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
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by the sex ghost
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Me (36/f) with an old high school acquaintance (36/m) keeps sending me unwanted messages and I don't know what to doNon-Romantic
Guys...I'm loving PISSED. I want this guy to gently caress right off. I thought we'd settled it. I told him in no uncertain terms how I felt once before already. Now, it feels like he's harassing me into responding. I've been through situations like this before and learned HUGE lessons from them, or so I thought. I learned that you can't be too emotional (either too polite or too angry), you just have to be very direct. Anything further than that is baiting, and it will come back to haunt you. But this guy isn't taking the hint. I want to block him on everything and say nothing else, but once I do that, I feel like it will effectively burn down a lot of bridges in my hometown life that, once burned, can't be un-burned. As I have gotten further and further from my hometown ties, Mark seems to have gotten closer and close to them. I guess I'm afraid of a person I think is crazy getting to tell everyone in my hometown how "weird" I behaved while I'm rarely around for anyone to know better. I still consider his cousin a friend!
What's the best course of action? I want him to leave me alone. I don't want to encourage any further contact. Please help.
seems obvious, beat him to the punch WRT mutual friends and tell them how much of a creep Mark is, based on the premise that you want them to talk some sense into him since your attempts clearly aren't working
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Mar 1, 2017 04:13
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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ahahah holy poo poo. Nice meltdown.
She is freaking out over her underweight boyfriend wanting to start going to the gym and asking her to tag along. "What has changed? My weight hasn't" "I've seen some boyfriends push their gf into going to the gym and they just stand there tracking treadmill time". Who does that? Is that for real? It sounds like made up bullshit she's trying to win a gold with in the "get offended over nothing" olympics.
/r/relationships: trying to win a gold medal in The Get Offended Over Nothing Olympics
E: /r/relationships: trying to win a gold medal in The Get Offended Over Nothing Olympics (dog punchers unite)
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Mar 1, 2017 04:16
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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ahahah holy poo poo. Nice meltdown.
She is freaking out over her underweight boyfriend wanting to start going to the gym and asking her to tag along. "What has changed? My weight hasn't" "I've seen some boyfriends push their gf into going to the gym and they just stand there tracking treadmill time". Who does that? Is that for real? It sounds like made up bullshit she's trying to win a gold with in the "get offended over nothing" olympics.
quote:I'm not insecure. I know what I am. I've finally come to accept the body I have. quote:I just wish there were ways to exercise so no one could see me. quote:I can't run at all, I can barely lift my backpack let alone weights. A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 05:08 on Mar 1, 2017
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Mar 1, 2017 05:05
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- chumbler
- Mar 28, 2010
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When I hear people talk about how they couldn't even do a single push up or pull up or something I always wonder whether that is even possible, since it seems like something you'd be able to do simply by dint of being alive, and then how they could actually deal with living like that.
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Mar 1, 2017 06:45
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- Gloryhold It!
- Sep 22, 2008
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Fucking
Adorable
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I had to work at being able to do a push up. I was taught wrong as a kid and never built up those muscles, so it was impossible for me to do a proper pushup.
Didn't effect anything except for embarrassing and frustrating me during our exercise groups
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Mar 1, 2017 06:59
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- Streak
- May 16, 2004
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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I'm doing pushups right now typing with my nose on the keyborsfd
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Mar 1, 2017 08:13
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- OptionalFeature
- Sep 11, 2015
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Me (36/f) with an old high school acquaintance (36/m) keeps sending me unwanted messages and I don't know what to doNon-Romantic
submitted an hour ago by BreakupsBMoHard89
Posting with not quite a throwaway account, but not my usual account, either, because it's easy to identify.
I had a close friend in high school-- we'll call him Clark. We grew up in a very small city. Clark and I were super tight because I was best friends with his girlfriend Sue. Clark and Sue were also in my larger extended group of friends all through junior high and high school. We did a lot as a group. Clark and I were even voted the same superlative together in senior year and got to pose for a yearbook photo together.
Clark's cousin, Mark, floated back and forth between our junior high/high school and one in another, much larger city that was far away. Mark always seemed like a cool guy. We weren't super tight, but we had some classes together during senior year, and were friendly.
Fast forward a bit: we all grow up and go our separate ways. Clark starts his own tattoo shop. I go off to school in the big city and do my thing. Mark starts touring as a musician. We all keep in touch over social media, but nothing too crazy. Eventually, I move to an even bigger city across the country. Mark and his band come to play a show where I live. He messages me on Facebook to tell me, so I meet up with them. It's a fun night, but I definitely feel like there's a maturity gap between what Mark and his friends do for fun, and what I like to do for fun. Not judging, but they're still acting like I did when I was in my early 20's.
More time passes. Mark keeps in touch, but it seems like his intensity and his frequency of contact build in direct proportion to the amount of cool rear end poo poo I'm doing with my life. The reality of my life is just like everyone's: I have ups and downs and ebbs and flows, but I think some people really romanticize the city I live in and the type of work I do. Mark seems to be one of those people. It's really uncomfortable after a while. On a work-related stay on the coast closest to my hometown, Mark is pressuring me more and more to meet up him. It's honestly annoying and I tell him so. I'm trying to be friendly-- there's a web of connection between us that goes way back-- but I really don't like it. One night, I try to compromise by inviting him to meet me at a bar while out with a bunch of people I work with. He gets there way too early, and we end up getting there just as he has to leave. He is openly pissed about it, and I apologize.
My stupid mistake was trying to "make it up" to him by meeting him around the corner from where I'm staying for a beer one night a week or two after that. I get there and I'm immediately regretful, but I'm already there. So, we have a beer together and talk. I can immediately see that he's trying to take the conversation in the direction of flirtatious/sexual, so I shut him down. I explain that I'm at a place in my life where I'm really only interested in focusing on my work, nothing else. He keeps saying stuff to the effect of: "You say that now, but everybody needs sex." He's just being so creepy and so inappropriate. He goes outside to smoke a cigarette, and while I'm sitting at the bar alone, trying to hatch an escape plan, the guy sitting next to me asks me if I need help getting out of the situation. He says he's been listening to our conversation the whole time and it sounds really bad. The girl sitting next to him agrees. That's when I decide that I'm being a dumb girl and I need to get the hell out of there. When Mark comes back inside, I tell him I gotta get going. He, or course, tries to insist on walking me home, but I firmly declare that I want to walk myself home, loudly enough for the people around me to hear. He backs off, I walk home, and that's that.
The next day, he messages me. I don't remember what it said, but after some freaking out about it, I message him back telling him kindly but firmly that I'm not interested in continuing our relationship. I prepare myself for the backlash, but to my surprise, he seems okay about it, and backs off. Well, for the first few months, anyway. Then, he starts messaging me. When I don't respond on one platform, he messages me on another. Lately, it has been Instagram. The messages are never threatening. Just stuff like how we've been "friends" for 20 years and he can't just sit back and "let this happen," and how if I have "beef" with him, we have to "squash" it, and how much he "cares" about me and how he's sorry "things didn't work out" the way "we" wanted. Guys-- there was NEVER a "WE." He keeps telling me how "weird" it is that I won't respond to him. The last message he sent said that what I"m doing is using a "defense mechanism" called "dissociation." To me, it seems like, yeah, of course I'm emotionally detached from him because I want nothing further to do with him and think he's a creep. It also feels (and has felt, to an ever-increasing degree) that he's unstable and is completely manufacturing a close relationship between us that has never existed. He straight up ended his last message: "Love you and hope you can figure this out."
Guys...I'm loving PISSED. I want this guy to gently caress right off. I thought we'd settled it. I told him in no uncertain terms how I felt once before already. Now, it feels like he's harassing me into responding. I've been through situations like this before and learned HUGE lessons from them, or so I thought. I learned that you can't be too emotional (either too polite or too angry), you just have to be very direct. Anything further than that is baiting, and it will come back to haunt you. But this guy isn't taking the hint. I want to block him on everything and say nothing else, but once I do that, I feel like it will effectively burn down a lot of bridges in my hometown life that, once burned, can't be un-burned. As I have gotten further and further from my hometown ties, Mark seems to have gotten closer and close to them. I guess I'm afraid of a person I think is crazy getting to tell everyone in my hometown how "weird" I behaved while I'm rarely around for anyone to know better. I still consider his cousin a friend!
What's the best course of action? I want him to leave me alone. I don't want to encourage any further contact. Please help.
Another classic symptom of /r/relationships - the inability to synopsize. Seriously, this post could be a third of the length, but we have to hear about Clark's girlfriend, and the other people in the bar and that they were in a high school photo together ...
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Mar 1, 2017 08:27
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- Zzulu
- May 15, 2009
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(▰˘v˘▰)
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When I hear people talk about how they couldn't even do a single push up or pull up or something I always wonder whether that is even possible, since it seems like something you'd be able to do simply by dint of being alive, and then how they could actually deal with living like that.
I'd say the vast majority of people can't do a single (correct) pullup. Pullups only come easy to some freaks and are particularly difficult for women
I go to the gym almost every day and see a lot of people and the pullup bar has claimed many overconfident victims
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Mar 1, 2017 08:36
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- 54 40 or fuck
- Jan 4, 2012
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No Yanda's allowed
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Is there a known psychological phenomenon for people who feel the need to give exhausting, unnecessary context on their personal stories, like the reverse of the water-weighing kid? It seems like it'd become the new hot GBS meme if so, and thus become very tiresome very fast, but I'm still kind of wondering.
You know, I wonder. I have a pretty good friend who is a super awesome person but my god, she can never just from Point A to Point B in a story
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Mar 1, 2017 09:52
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- Khorne
- May 1, 2002
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people undergoing PTSD flashbacks to being ragged on in middle school gym class do that, apparently
Not being able to lift your backpack is a poor excuse for not working out. It turns out strength training increases your strength. Who knew? I mean, she can just not work out if she doesn't want to. It clearly bothers her on a deep emotional level.
I definitely sucked at gym class in middle school. I guess I don't get bothered by stuff like that though.
Khorne fucked around with this message at 11:10 on Mar 1, 2017
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Mar 1, 2017 10:12
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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I'm doing pushups right now typing with my nose on the keyborsfd
I'm doing one mor pushup than u but typing with my donger
It is vry hard to copy nd past trainwreks
My [25F] SO [26M] of 5 years told me anal is so important to him he would consider ending it & that he is dealing with depression badly.
quote:u/pugsly350312d
Last night my SO opened up to me and I'm having trouble processing the info.
He told me that doing anal stuff is a really big thing for him, but I’m not exactly the most sexual person, or that into anal. We’ve been on and off trying stuff for about 2 years now and although I thought we’d been making some real progress, he feels like we’re getting nowhere. There’s been about once that I’ve actually been able to take him anally, but most the time I get very uncomfortable and random things like having been constipated for a few days or not having enough time to properly relax and prepare my butt make me put it off (we're currently stuck living at his parents while we work on our house, so having enough time to ourselves is difficult).
I really want to try, I really do. I’ve known for a while that anal is important to him – even if I personally can’t see why – but it feels like he needs me to essentially change my entire personality around sex. I’m not going to lie, I’m not always that into it and I’m extremely passive most the time too; but I feel like I am trying, and it feels like I am having to try and rewrite my entire mindset on sex that has become what it is through 20 years of never having sex; then being used for sex by a friend; and also having parents who don’t have the best relationship; and just a whole accumulation of things that didn’t exactly set me up for the healthiest mental state around sex and relationships.
That conversation then lead onto a whole thing about how he’s been feeling over the past few months to a year. It shocked me, because it sounds like exactly how I’ve been feeling, but with a whole bunch of extra crap to worry about. He’s depressed, he’s scared about the future and the mundaneness of every day life, he told me he spends most days thinking today is the day he’ll die… I think he’s having an existential crisis, which is exactly the sort of thing I’ve been dealing with over the last few months, just without the responsibility of a fulltime job and such. Hearing him say it made me feel like I’ve been so selfish lately, but he knows it’s not about who has the most points, at the end of the day we’re both dealing with the same terrifying thoughts.
I just have no idea how to process all of this. I know how to deal with it when it’s just me feeling that way – I’ve been dealing with feeling depressed for most of my life and so have developed my own methods of not letting it get the better of me – but I don’t think he’s learned how to deal with it. Or more, I feel that he is dealing with it since he outwardly appears fine, but inside he's struggling to get past it.
And then he also told me that the anal thing is such a big deal for him, that if say a few years down the line we’re still in the same situation, he would probably break up with me. On the one hand, I think that is completely fine – if he feels like he’s not fulfilling the things he wants to do in life because of me, then he should be allowed to go pursue them. I believe as humans we should all be allowed to pursue the things that make us happy. But on the other hand, it’s incredibly hurtful to know that everything we’ve built together can be discarded for something so basic. And I know he doesn’t want it to – he said he wishes there were a way to just either make it easier for me to want to do it too, or for him to switch it off in his brain. He doesn’t want it to destroy what we’ve got, but he also can’t change it within himself, just as much as I can’t change not being into it.
I just don’t know what to do. I want to try and change myself to suit his needs better, but then I also think it’s not completely fair for me to have to bend to his needs rather than the other way round. We’ve both already been trying to compromise the situation on our respective ends and the fact this issue has come up a few times, means it’s clearly not enough. I’ve also gone down the thought path of finding someone else he can do anal with - we’ve been getting into swinging and the like over the past couple of years with some success – but then I’m not sure if that’s actually going to help solve anything. I’m sure what he really wants is for me, the person he loves and is in a relationship with, to be the one he does it with.
I’m thinking about seeking out couple’s therapy. Not sure how easy it is to get sorted in the UK, as he’s already struggled getting the help he needs for his depression, but it’s starting to feel like this isn’t something we can deal with by ourselves.
If anyone has any suggestions, advice or incite then I’d appreciate it.
tl;dr: SO of 5 years says anal is very important to him. So important that if in a few years we're still not at the level he wants, he would consider breaking up with me. We are both also dealing with depression/existential crisis-type thoughts and I'm not sure what to do or think. Any suggestions, advice or incite appreciated.
EDIT: Holy poo poo! Was not expecting this poo poo storm. So I'm sensing a lot of people think I should break up with him /s. But in all seriousness, thanks everyone. You've given me a different perspective on the whole situation. Honestly, I'm planning on continuing to work on it, but I'm going to take a more firm stand on when I don't want to do anal stuff and tell him that he has to be willing to put the work in.
I'm sure this answer will make a lot of people assume I'm an idiot (based on the comments), but in all reality guys, our relationship is great. We get on really well, we're honest and open with each other and have a lot of fun. We're going through a particularly rough patch due to our current life situations, but just like with most relationship, we need some work for sure! Now obviously, if things don't improve, ending it is probably going to be the result; but I love my life too much right now to throw it all away over this.
If it doesn't work and we break up anyways, then you guys can all say I told you so.
Take it up the bum honey please I'm so saaaaaaad
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Mar 1, 2017 10:14
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- Streak
- May 16, 2004
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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they both need therapy lol
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Mar 1, 2017 10:28
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- Gerblyn
- Apr 4, 2007
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"TO BATTLE!"
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Fun Shoe
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Don't tears generally lower a man's testosterone? Even on top of depression not being an attractive look that probably isn't helping the issue.
Not just testosterone, but one study showed that men's sex drive was reduced in general due to a chemical in women's tears:
http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-12138280
The guy does seem to be doing the right thing, he wants to support his wife and care for her, but the impact his wife's depression has on his libido and desires isn't really something under his control, and him getting worked up and guilty about it probably isn't helping him much either. Can't help but feel bad for him really.
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Mar 1, 2017 10:51
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- Psycho Society
- Oct 21, 2010
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You know, I wonder. I have a pretty good friend who is a super awesome person but my god, she can never just from Point A to Point B in a story
On the other hand I'm extremely succinct to the point that I can't tell any entertaining story as they all end in a few sentences, but those people are definitely the worst. You don't need to start with "In the before time, in the long, long ago..." unless we're telling campfire stories
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Mar 1, 2017 11:33
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 9, 2024 14:09
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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I thought about switching the update and story around for a better build up, but there's a certain charm in this  rollercoaster
I am [25f], my husband [25m] refuses to compromise on the order of our sex acts 3x a month. Contains a lot of TMI and tl;dr.
quote:u/tmihelpthrowaway267d
Edit: I wanted to reassure some of you that I am safe and currently staying in a hotel (my husband doesn't know where, I had a friend book it for me).
I've been repeatedly refreshing the page and rereading all of your comments for hours now. I think I posted under the misguided hope someone would say something that would make sense and give me back the man I believed I married. Instead I've become more and more terrified that I've let it get this bad. I used to be very guarded when it came to relationships and I believed I'd been so careful to pick a "good one". It's been very difficult to accept the things people are saying but I realize I have no rebuttals and am too invested in who I believed my husband to be. There's nothing that will make this ok to me, it hurts more and more the longer I think about it.
I have no idea what I'm going to do yet. At this point I still feel like I'm mourning the "loss" of my husband and future child. I can't even contemplate engaging in the comments yet but I will try and update eventually when I decide what I'm going to do. First I'm going to get drunk and cry a lot.
. . .
My husband and I met three years ago on a dating website and have been married for nine months. He was a virgin when we started dating (which he chalked up to going to a very religious and primarily white high school and college while he was neither, not personal choice). I actually had to give him "the talk" and explain how our reproductive systems work. He was also somewhat insecure about believing that I found him sexually attractive. Because of this when we started having sex I was less assertive than usual and tried to remember to be extra understanding and patient because he is less experienced.
I admit I'm very easy-going sexually and don't have too many hard limits or preferences so it made sense to just let him be the one who sets the pace in our sex life. Things like anal, outdoor, or menstrual sex happened only as he became interested in them, etc. His only request that I've rejected was to film ourselves having sex but he was very understanding of my reasons, he wouldn't even ask me to send suggestive pics after that discussion.
We're a little bit mis-matched in the libido department. It became apparent he didn't feel comfortable turning me down if I attempted to initiate when he wasn't up for it. If he couldn't perform he'd become withdrawn and acted as if it were a failure on his part, regardless of what I said. I felt reluctant to initiate after this happened a few times so I asked if he could just be the one to initiate as he wanted because it doesn't take much to get me interested and he agreed. I have turned him down or limited our activity to oral on a few occasions with no issues.
I have negative associations with the words "dirty" and "whore" and asked him to use "filthy" and "slut" instead because they don't throw me out of the moment. He made a token effort but ultimately asked me to deal with it because it throws him out of the moment to censor himself. He doesn't say them often and usually only does so to help him get into it when I ask him to be a little rougher or spank me (not his favorite but he doesn't outright dislike it) so I felt it was a fair compromise to ignore it and let him have what he needed to enjoy the kind of sex I request sometimes.
We've also fallen into a couple of routines based on what works for him. Namely having him finish via oral before engaging in penetrative sex as he has a hard time not ejaculating prematurely. He lasts long enough the second round for me to get more than my share of orgasms and I enjoy giving oral (which he eagerly reciprocates) so this was a non-issue to me.
He asked if we could have bareback sex after I started taking birth control and we both exchanged STD test results. I was very paranoid about pregnancy so I agreed only if we also used spermicide and the pull out method as well. After a couple weeks of this he asked if during my less fertile days he could finish inside of me during the second round as we were already using two other birth control methods. He also claimed his second ejaculation is "less risky because there's so little of it left". I agreed pretty quickly as I wasn't too fond of finishing him orally the second time because he'd usually taste or smell like spermicide by then.
Now that we're married and he wants us to concieve I've stopped all methods of birth control (pill, spermicide, rhythm/pullout). Last week I told him I'd like him to finish inside of me the first round because I felt like that first ejaculation is more likely to result in a successful conception. I said I could finish him orally if he wanted the second round because he wouldn't taste of spermicide. He told me he prefers to finish orally the first time because it feels better that way. I conceded we only needed to change our routine for the three most fertile days of my cycle. He would not agree to that, he doesn't want to make any changes to our routine whatsoever.
I told him I know it is probably irrational of me but I respect his personal superstitions (which he has admitted he knows are illogical) and expect the same consideration when I ask for something without a negative impact on him. I don't want to conceive (if I even can) using his stragglers and don't feel such a minor concession as changing up the order of our sex acts 3x a month is too much to ask for.
He's accusing me of "bait and switching" his expectations of our sex life now that we're married and reneging on our "unspoken agreement" that he gets final say on how things work in the bedroom. He's cited my previous concessions I mentioned above as proof of that "agreement". I am absolutely shocked that's how he's intepreted our sexual relationship. He's also backpedalling on admitting his second ejaculation is typically much weaker and accusing me of thinking he's not "potent".
Since our disagreement we haven't had any sex. He told me not to "worry" about him asking for sex as he isn't attracted to me while I'm being "disagreeable". He's also made some comments that have left me feeling pretty disgusted and creeped out at the thought of having sex with him in the future. Namely that he liked having me defer him in the bedroom because it felt like "payback" after all those years of being controlled by "girls who emasculated me by never putting out", he deserves to have final say in the bedroom because he "lets" me have a say in all other aspects of our relationship, that he can't wait to see the look on my face when I finally give in and "have to take my first load in your mouth", he's asked repeatedly how long I thought I could hold out before I'd be desperate enough to beg him to do whatever he wanted, that he was going to make me "earn" his dick back, and once out of the blue he said "I guess now you know why I was a virgin when we met". When called on comments like that he clams up and refuses to discuss them or even clarify what he means. They're like verbal hit-and-runs.
This is honestly a side of him I've never had reason to suspect existed. I would have said we've always resolved our disagreements respectfully and maturely but now in retrospect I'm realizing we've just never had a disagreement about something important to me. I usually make a concession because it doesn't feel like a big deal and I like making him happy.
Right now I'm feeling like I've made a huge mistake marrying him. I don't know how to come back from this or if I even want to but I never would have committed to this man if I hadn't meant it. I need some perspective on the situation badly.
tl;dr: husband doesn't want to have his first orgasm inside of me during my fertile days, despite being the one who wants to conceive ASAP and comments he's made since the disagreement have turned me off completely
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Mar 1, 2017 12:27
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Mar 1, 2017 01:22
