ArbitraryC posted:

I can sorta see not being super keen on traveling tbh, it can be stressful and tiring and sometimes you don't wanna blow your hardly any vacation time (lol USA numba 1) on it, but like not wanting to go out and hike/walk/bike/whatever with your SO on the weekends is pretty weird. Even if you're not a fan of long trips there's probably more than enough poo poo within a couple miles you could drive to on weekends too.

I Was The Fury posted:

TL;DR: S/O refuses to learn about "fair fighting," saying psychology is bullshit. Is there anything I can do?

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Me (28f) and my husband (40m) seem to have different desires in life, and he tells me that mine are childish. I've been craving more experiences since I'm nearing 30 (maybe a pre-pre-midlife crises??) and he's content sitting at home every night.

Leon Einstein posted:

^^^
Not wanting to travel is weird and unattractive imo.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I'm pretty sure its a fulltime lifestyle, a third of the country didn't get fat cause they got thyroid problems

ArbitraryC posted:

there's so many places within 100-300 miles of where I live that I'd rather do a roadtrip

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I'm pretty sure its a fulltime lifestyle, a third of the country didn't get fat cause they got thyroid problems

quote:

submitted 1 year ago by isthatallthereis15
I posted this on /r/deadbedrooms today because that's what this situation has become. I am hoping the good people of /r/relationships can help me out as well.

I never posted because I was too insecure and embarrassed and took solace in the fact that there was possibly some way that we could dig ourselves out of this hole. But lately things have been very VERY bad, and last night was the cherry on top of a horrendous year.

We had our third child on February 2nd (last time we did anything sexual was a week or so before that, and the passionate kissing stopped shortly after). Intimacy and our relationship were perfectly fine after the first and second childbirths, there was no sign that things would suddenly go sour after our third was born.

Lately, whenever my wife feels that I might be wanting sex or hoping for it, she makes overt references to her period coming up or being on it... which is strange because I feel like she was saying the same thing a week or two prior. Two periods a month? Okay.

A few months after things started to go downhill, I turned to masturbating in our bathroom to clips and images on my phone. I never thought it would come to this, but there was just a lot of pent up frustration and longing for fulfillment that I missed. there's nothing wrong with that, is there?

Last week was our coldest week yet. Dead pecks on the cheek, forced embraces before we left for work and a lot of cold shouldering and short answers all day, every day.

The worst offender was last night, and it caused me to finally post here. It was a horrendous, impersonal evening as always. After dinner and putting the kids to bed, I went to the bathroom for my nightly shower and wank. Mid way through, my wife barges in (I forgot to lock), stares at me for a few seconds, cackles and walks out of the bathroom, shaking her head disapprovingly.

I jumped into the shower without finishing, my body tingling of shame and anxiety.

She didn't say a word about it (or any words at all, for that matter), when I came back into the room and got in bed. She was reading a book and I was browsing reddit. When I put my phone aside to turn in, I laid down on my side and closed my eyes. A few moments of silence later, she said "Just so you know, your dick is getting small".

I sobbed myself to sleep without responding, and haven't seen her or spoken to her since last night.

Is the marriage over? Are my young children oblivious to the lack of chemistry? How do I communicate with her and where should I see this going from here?

I feel like such a waste of air and space.

tl;dr: Me and my wife's (27 years old) bedroom has gone cold and dead sexually since nine months ago when we had our third child. Lately I have been masturbating before bed. My wife caught me in the act, cackled and later told me my dick has been getting smaller. Don't know where to go from here.

quote:

Since some people are PM'ing me and asking what other similar emasculating gestures my wife has made this year:

• Danced with half a dozen other men on a booze cruise for a friend's birthday party we attended. This was in September and the last remotely date-y thing we have done
  
• Constantly makes jokes to her parents and close friends about me becoming a dead beat father if I'm five minutes late from work
  
• Storm through open doors whenever I hold them for her and doesn't say anything
  
• Ignores me COMPLETELY when I say good morning every morning
  
• Sent me into the lady's restroom with our two older children (both girls) and made jokes about it to complete strangers at the mall
  
• Insisted that I walk ten feet behind her at the grocery store so that people wouldn't assume she was married
  

The list goes on and on.

Depiction of marriage dynamics in media have severely skewed my perception on my own marriage, and I have realized through redditor's comments and deep thinking that my marriage is being held hostage by my own wife, the woman I married because I was in love with her and her with me.

I had a one on one talk with her last night and brought up some of the great points people posted in the original thread. She turned each and every one against me and made it seem like I was conspiring to ruin our marriage. She told me that she is allowed to not talk to me if she doesn't want to, and that sex was never part of any "contract" when we got married.

When I hinted that a divorce or separation might be an option if this hostility continues, she told me that she wasn't going to let this marriage become a failure, and that was that. Last night was the first time I was required to sleep in our guest room in my own home. She has no doubt phoned her parents about it, as I have received numerous calls from my father-in-law to my office throughout the day, which I have declined 100%.

As far as I know the children are being looked after right now by the nanny and things will be back to normal tonight. By normal I mean she will continue to be cold to me, mock me for wanting to satisfy my intense sexual urges, and possibly even insult me again before bed. I have sobbed myself to sleep too many times to count recently, and I do not know where this can go.

She is holding our marriage hostage.

Just to clear some misconceptions from the previous thread, my wife and I are BOTH full-time workers who divide responsibilities with the children. We have a nanny who cares for them while we are in the office. That is to say, she is not a stay at home mother like a lot of you assumed.

Facts:

• We got married six years ago.
  
• She started to withhold sexual activity shortly before the birth of our third child.
  
• Her parents (or at least her father) are 100% on her side and have made my phone explode whenever there seems to be a minor problem in our household.
  
• We have not done anything sexual since January of this year.
  

tl;dr: Had a talk with my wife. As suspected, she twisted all the points I brought up to her and told me that she would never grant me with a divorce as it would seem like our marriage was a failure. I had to sleep in the guest room last night for the first time, and it ended in sobbing myself to sleep. My wife is essentially holding our marriage hostage, and we have three very young children.

EDIT: The overwhelming reply to this thread has made my heart well up incredibly throughout the day. I am drenched in tears and sobbing loudly to myself in my office from the great support I have received and am not used to at this point in my life.

I am going to consult with a friend of mine from college who works in law and see what he has to suggest about starting a divorce process without my wife knowing.

Tonight I am going to sleep in my own bed and if she doesn't like that, she can sleep in the guest room. I am going to help my oldest daughter with her homework and serve my children dinner and enjoy the solace of my own home.

Thank you all for the immense support!

quote:

I just thought I owed it to this community to give everyone an update to what happened. As you can imagine, I've had a chaotic week so far and it has been intensified by the upcoming holidays.

I met with my lawyer friend this last weekend and had a five hour heart to heart with him. He reiterated many comments that were posted in the above threads, and told me that him and other people had noticed little things here and there throughout my relationship with my wife. There was a lot of crying as I broke down, but I was happy to finally have honest support from someone IRL through this. He advised me to get copies of documents that proved that I had complete ownership or partial ownership of our home, cars and other items, and I have secured all of this as of today.

I have not seen my wife or my children since Sunday evening. That night we had a loud, painful argument. I yelled at her for the first time, and she called me a loser and a useless man, and blamed the impending doom on me. I have 75+ missed calls on my phone from her and her parents and even more text messages, some from our oldest child saying she doesn't want to "see daddy anymore". I suspect my wife and her parents have been putting her up to it, but it is extremely heart breaking to say the least.

My marriage is over. My life is crumbling.

I am bracing myself for the worst. My friend has introduced me to someone who can help me file for the divorce, and the estimated time for my wife to be served with these papers is by the end of the work day. My only regret is that I won't be there to see her face. After re-reading the two threads for a week, I am sure I never want to see that woman's face again. Unfortunately this will be inevitable during the divorce process.

Some of you will be pleased to know I am not barricading myself in a cheap motel, but am taking a well earned little stay in a luxury hotel in the city, right by my office. Just figured I might as well enjoy life before poo poo hits the fan. Room service and house keeping all the way!

I want to thank everyone again for your advice and support. Please, if there is anyone out there who has been through this, I would love further support and advice. I will be checking back on this throwaway and thread throughout the day.

I am done posting update threads on /r/relationships. If there is anything you would like to know about my situation, I can answer in the comments of this thread or via PM.

Lots of love, and happy holidays everyone! I'll be spending the holidays locked in my hotel room eating peanut butter sandwiches all by myself.

tl;dr: Met with lawyer friend who got me started on the divorce process. Had a loud first/last argument with my wife on Sunday night, she called me a loser and a broken man. Left home that night and I'm staying in a luxury hotel as a treat. Oldest daughter texted me saying she doesn't want to see me anymore, but I suspect my wife and in laws put her up to this. Wife will be served papers by the end of the work day. Taking this in strides, but it is extremely painful.

Pick posted:

my perfect wedding has a hundred attendees. they are all frogs. the centerpieces are more frogs. we're married surrounded by frogs. the frogs drink, moderately

they congratulate us

ribb ribb ribb ribb

Moridin920 posted:

I think despite not liking planes/trains/automobiles or not having vacation time to pay for it, you probably still have the general desire to see cool stuff around the world you never have before - like if it was somehow free and you could teleport there you would, right? Even though in reality you maybe never would because not really worth the hassle and cost.

This dude is straight like "no that's childish life is here repeat this same routine til death that is being an adult." Which is him being depressed, yeah.

Bubblyblubber posted:

Leon Einstein posted:

Do these guys pretend to be fun and interesting until they're married, and then the facade falls?

Bubblyblubber posted:

I, for one, am a massive hambeast of a man for reasons entirely out of my control. Nominally the deliciousness of butter and irresistibility of processed sugar.

Are you ready for some ice cold poo poo? 'Cause I've got some cold rear end poo poo right here!

I (27 M) think my wife (27 F) has insulted me beyond repair. What are my options? Relationships


ARE YOU READY FOR SOME MORE DEPRESSING poo poo? BECAUSE THERE'S AN UPDATE!


Aaaaaaand a second update for the sake of completion, it's not amazing or anything but it does have some good stuff:

Leon Einstein posted:

That wife sounds like she has PPD. Or PPP, as her behavior makes no sense.

Moridin920 posted:

Not to like be a douche or validate the wife in that scenario or anything but stop loving bawling nonstop goddamn.

subhuman filth posted:

9 months after the delivery? Post partum personality disorder maybe.

Moridin920 posted:

Not to like be a douche or validate the wife in that scenario or anything but stop loving bawling nonstop goddamn.

Moridin920 posted:

Not to like be a douche or validate the wife in that scenario or anything but stop loving bawling nonstop goddamn.

Bubblyblubber posted:

Read till the end for a great surprise-but-not-really reveal that I bolded.

I [24M] was dating my girlfriend [24F] for almost 4 years to learn that she was cheating on me with her boss [36M] for ~4 months

food court bailiff posted:

Yeah, I agree. I'd go so far as to say there's probably something going on with the dude, like he seems completely incapable of anger even by the end. That's not normal.

e: which isn't to say that divorcing his harpy bitch wife isn't the obvious right choice, or that it won't go a long way towards helping

food court bailiff posted:

Yeah, I agree. I'd go so far as to say there's probably something going on with the dude, like he seems completely incapable of anger even by the end. That's not normal.

food court bailiff posted:

Yeah, I agree. I'd go so far as to say there's probably something going on with the dude, like he seems completely incapable of anger even by the end. That's not normal.

e: which isn't to say that divorcing his harpy bitch wife isn't the obvious right choice, or that it won't go a long way towards helping

Barudak posted:

Well I mean, his dick is shrinking.

quote:

• Insisted that I walk ten feet behind her at the grocery store so that people wouldn't assume she was married

quote:

• Insisted that I walk ten feet behind her at the grocery store so that people wouldn't assume she was married

quote:

- Danced with half a dozen other men on a booze cruise for a friend's birthday party we attended. This was in September and the last remotely date-y thing we have done

- Ignores me COMPLETELY when I say good morning every morning

- Sent me into the lady's restroom with our two older children (both girls) and made jokes about it to complete strangers at the mall

- Insisted that I walk ten feet behind her at the grocery store so that people wouldn't assume she was married

quote:

Hi all, hopefully you guys can give me some insight about what to do here!

I'm going to preface this with some background about my sister. She is the typical "rebellious teen", she has a fake ID which she used to get tattoos, she does drugs, smokes cigarettes, ran away from home and lived with her girlfriend for 3 months, etc. She's also not a super sensitive or caring person. I care about her because she's my sister, but she's done some very insensitive things, mostly directed towards our mum but now also towards our dad/step-mother. It's a super long story but I am resentful of her for many reasons.

Anyways! Last night, I came home to her and some guy I've met once rolling a joint in our kitchen. Our mum is on vacation. Ok, fine, as long as they don't light up in the house, right? I hang out with them for a couple hours because the guy is actually nice and I don't want to be rude. Turns out he carries a knife (eh, ok) and is in the army (whatever, cool) and steals cars/robs people (???!?!?).

So I get kind of wigged out, and go up to bed. Now, our house is tiny and I sleep in a half-bedroom thing, so I don't have a door and it's only half a floor so I can hear everything going on downstairs super clear. They start kissing, there's moaning and more, so I try my best so block it out and sleep (literally hell). Finally I fall asleep, but then wake up a few hours later to them having VERY loud sex in my mum's bed. Ok, a) that's really gross for my mum, and b) I don't have a door!! He ends up sleeping over (in my mum's bed) and they leave in the morning... Without bothering to change the sheets, and leaving me to do a sink full of dishes from their munchies.

Now, I would just get over this, BUT my sister has a boyfriend. He's currently on a 6-month trip across the world. I'm 99% sure they haven't broken up. They may possibly be in an open relationship, but what if they're not?

So... Do I even get involved? I feel like the boyfriend should know - he's a good guy, really sweet. But the backlash from my sister could be brutal. I don't know what to do!

Thanks for your help...

TL;DR My sister has a boyfriend, but hooked up with a guy last night, while I was in the house. No indication whether it is an open relationship or not. Do I bother getting involved/telling him?

quote:

and leaving me to do a sink full of dishes from their munchies.

Moridin920 posted:

If I'm really raging there might be some tears streaming down my face but for some reason I imagine the wife busting in going "lol your dick is shrinking" and that dude just curling up in the corner of the shower and bawling like a 14 year old

Maybe I'm being too harsh


like yeah this dude obv has some self-esteem issues and stuff because if someone said this to me I'd say "welp we're getting a divorce then bc you obv want one later bitch" not go "... oh okay "


like bro


not one of those things is acceptable on its own let alone letting it go on for months.