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Some comments from arranged marriage guy:quote:I don't mind at all! Growing up, no I neither wanted a arranged marriage, nor did my parents every force me to have one. I guess after numerous failed relationships, mainly because of cultural differences, I decided to talk to my parents about it and they suggested this option. Also, my marriage isn't really a traditional arranged marriage, my parents and in-laws were old friends and it was more of a set up than anything quote:I asked her if she'd like to get married after we had talked a few times, and she agreed. I don't think there was any co-ersion on her part to accept my proposal, her parents are actually some of the nicest ppl I've met. Oh, and thank you! I will definitely remember that quote:No, I don't think we'll ever be moving back because one, my wife wants to do her Master's and begin her career here, and two we both want our kids to grow up with the best education and highest quality of life possible, which is available here in America quote:Yup I definitely will. I think the reason she feels this way is a combination of naturally being very shy and non-confrontational, and growing up in an environment where she is expected to be subservient to men. I'm hoping over time she won't feel this way anymore, it was really sad to hear she felt that way. quote:I actually do love her very much, I just haven't told her yet. I'm not very good at expressing myself I guess. I've also never said "I love you" in a relationship before, so I have no idea how to do it, do you have any advice when would be the best time? He seems to have a decent head on his shoulders, if a bit inexperienced. Just needed to get away from his lovely, toxic friends from his college days.
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Mar 2, 2017 03:10
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He does, thankfully but I'm still a little grossed out by this concept that he was fine because the arranged marriage was a backup due to other failed relationships. Probably not the case for her. He says he doesn't think there was coercion and her parents are great, of course they are, they want him to marry her daughter. He says that then says she's been impacted by a cultural standard that expects her to be subservient to the men around her.
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Mar 2, 2017 03:15
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Gumbel2Gumbel posted:Yeah because they live in cultures where they beat the gently caress out of the women if they do anything out of line and they're completely financially dependent and can't leave. I mean i'm sure they have lower divorce rates for obvious reasons but I recall something about them being happier too.
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Mar 2, 2017 03:16
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Llab posted:Searched for arranged marriages, was trying to find a trainwreck. His friends were loving assholes anyway. I hope he can find some not-rear end in a top hat friends.
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Mar 2, 2017 03:22
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I know some Pakistani-Americans whose successful marriages were semi-arranged, as in their parents set them up initially and then they dated normally for a reasonable length of time after that. Also that Chinese guy with the mail order bride, but that was pure luck.
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Mar 2, 2017 03:46
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The cabin trip sounds dope, and even if it didn't it's essentially free so hey, do two holidays.
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Mar 2, 2017 03:48
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Well, if an arranged marriage came with relationship training (conflict resolution, hanging out and doing cool poo poo, household management, child rearing etc), clear expectations, consent from both parties and a no-fault trial period, it could be an ok cultural practice, I guess. It would probably be better than randomly flailing around at bars and parties trying to convince someone to talk to you for more than 30 minutes until you find one that will hang out and sleep with you for 6 months and then burn all of your belongings during the breakup. On travel, I'm planning a jaunt down into Arkansas in the near future to ogle Thorncrown Chapel and whatever else looks interesting in the area. My roadtrip buddy accepted a job offer and is moving to San Diego on me, though.  I hope I find some decent beatin' dogs down there.
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Mar 2, 2017 03:56
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Pvt.Scott posted:Well, if an arranged marriage came with relationship training (conflict resolution, hanging out and doing cool poo poo, household management, child rearing etc), clear expectations, consent from both parties and a no-fault trial period, it could be an ok cultural practice, I guess. It would probably be better than randomly flailing around at bars and parties trying to convince someone to talk to you for more than 30 minutes until you find one that will hang out and sleep with you for 6 months and then burn all of your belongings during the breakup. Online dating is like having superpowers, you sort through that poo poo in a hurry. After my last dumb relationship imploded (it was seriously something for this thread) I went on 5 dates in the 2 weeks after and I found an amazing girl.
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Mar 2, 2017 04:01
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Just a quick google came up with this: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-behind-behavior/201511/why-are-so-many-indian-arranged-marriages-successful sources most stats with legit pubs but I haven't read em so take it with a grain of salt, what stood out to me was: quote:Even more impressive is the second statistic, about the high levels of satisfaction reported by those in arranged marriages over the longer-term. so as much as I'm all up for calling an entire country wifebeaters in a way that somehow isn't considered racist it looks like even just examining indian couples in the US you end up with pretty happy people from arranged marriages.
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Mar 2, 2017 04:07
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This thread is pretty hateful in weird places. Stop it 
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Mar 2, 2017 04:11
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Former Boss of mine met his wife by her and his parents meeting each other for months before setting them up and pressuring them to go on a date with each other. Turns out when both of you are second gen Cantonese only-children of the only two chinese restaurants in your same Florida hometown you actually have a shitload in common and by marriage can create a restaurant monopoly.
Barudak fucked around with this message at 04:22 on Mar 2, 2017 |
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Mar 2, 2017 04:11
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Gaunab posted:This thread is pretty hateful in weird places. Look, I'm not about to stop talking about the joys of running at a dead sprint out of a second-story window and using a pair of beagles to break your fall.
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Mar 2, 2017 04:14
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Gumbel2Gumbel posted:Yeah because they live in cultures where they beat the gently caress out of the women if they do anything out of line and they're completely financially dependent and can't leave. there's that but also i'd imagine that a lot of arranged marriages work out if like all of your family and all of their family are both looking for a match and sort of go through a whole process to figure it out. the wisdom of crowds and all. in the west we value individuality and independent decision making but, lets be real, this is the r/relationships thread with hundreds of pages of examples of how independent decision making can also lead to horribly hosed up and toxic relationships. half the people posting there would probably turn out better if everyone's grandfolks had a conclave to decide who should gently caress and who shouldn't in the west we highly value searching for "the one", the absolute perfect candidate who will fulfill your every hope and desire. and lucky you if you find your soul mate, but most people can expect to find someone who isn't annoying and doesn't fart in bed, so it's more likely that like your mom and aunts can accurately figure if another person is in that "good enough" range versus some neurotic weirdo trying to get laid
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Mar 2, 2017 04:15
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You should be OK.
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Mar 2, 2017 04:17
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ArbitraryC posted:so as much as I'm all up for calling an entire country wifebeaters in a way that somehow isn't considered racist it looks like even just examining indian couples in the US you end up with pretty happy people from arranged marriages. Khorne fucked around with this message at 04:21 on Mar 2, 2017 |
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Mar 2, 2017 04:18
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boner confessor posted:there's that but also i'd imagine that a lot of arranged marriages work out if like all of your family and all of their family are both looking for a match and sort of go through a whole process to figure it out. the wisdom of crowds and all. in the west we value individuality and independent decision making but, lets be real, this is the r/relationships thread with hundreds of pages of examples of how independent decision making can also lead to horribly hosed up and toxic relationships. half the people posting there would probably turn out better if everyone's grandfolks had a conclave to decide who should gently caress and who shouldn't Yeah, exactly. I don't doubt that there's some lovely cultural baggage involved with the whole thing and there's definitely room for them to go catastrophically bad, but these cultures spent centuries evolving these systems, they're not designed to be deliberately broken and soul-crushing.
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Mar 2, 2017 04:51
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boner confessor posted:in the west we highly value searching for "the one", the absolute perfect candidate who will fulfill your every hope and desire. and lucky you if you find your soul mate, but most people can expect to find someone who isn't annoying and doesn't fart in bed, so it's more likely that like your mom and aunts can accurately figure if another person is in that "good enough" range versus some neurotic weirdo trying to get laid Now I can compromise on a lot of things, but I'll never give up my god-given right to fart in bed.
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Mar 2, 2017 05:37
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I shot hot, spicy torrents of diarrhea into an unfortunate Louvre toilet; it was a transcendental once-in-a-lifetime experience
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Mar 2, 2017 05:51
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chumbler posted:Now I can compromise on a lot of things, but I'll never give up my god-given right to fart in bed. true love is finding someone who you can fart in bed together with
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Mar 2, 2017 06:18
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Plus, the families still have to put up with the new couple and their in-laws for pretty much forever so if you phone it in then you're just setting yourself up for a lot of bullshit down the road. Might as well make the effort to get it right.
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Mar 2, 2017 06:36
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Out of all the people you could end up in an arranged marriage to, arranged marriage redditor seems pretty alright.
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Mar 2, 2017 07:03
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Gumbel2Gumbel posted:Yeah because they live in cultures where they beat the gently caress out of the women if they do anything out of line and they're completely financially dependent and can't leave.
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Mar 2, 2017 07:15
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To be honest I thought he was talking about America but yeah it's super racist.
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Mar 2, 2017 08:26
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why beat up your wife when you could be punching a dog instead? makes no sense.
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Mar 2, 2017 10:03
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quote:some from our oldest child saying she doesn't want to "see daddy anymore". I suspect my wife and her parents have been putting her up to it, 
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Mar 2, 2017 11:13
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FabioClone posted:why beat up your wife when you could be punching a dog instead? makes no sense. Why not do both and marry your dog? Anyway, here's a dogfucker: I (25F) found my new boyfriend (28M) has very VERY different taste in porn Relationships quote:submitted 2 years ago by throwaway_caligirl Bolding mine. Gotta keep that wank bank organized. Now taking bets on the ratio of "Jfc run girl" to "HOW COULD YOU SNOOP YOU MONSTER" in the comments.
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Mar 2, 2017 12:12
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If there are any girls here do you know what she's saying?? Talks dirty in bed? Big... *whispers* down there?
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Mar 2, 2017 12:16
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Bubblyblubber posted:Why not do both and marry your dog? On reddit? I'll put 20 on 1:80.
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Mar 2, 2017 12:17
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i also love she males the bestiality stuff is worrying though
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Mar 2, 2017 12:22
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Tell me more about your long long miserable loveless marriage, 25F
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Mar 2, 2017 12:27
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Bubblyblubber posted:Why not do both and marry your dog? oh so a transphobic piece of poo poo and a dog fucker got together, match made in heaven.
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Mar 2, 2017 12:28
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Bubblyblubber posted:Why not do both and marry your dog? LOL @ "I just stopped by to grab a thing, I better turn on his computer so I can check Facebook"
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Mar 2, 2017 12:35
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Kullik posted:oh so a transphobic piece of poo poo and a dog fucker got together, match made in heaven. Are you worried someone is going to find your porn folder
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Mar 2, 2017 12:39
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Bubblyblubber posted:Why not do both and marry your dog? Oh also the bestiality thing is gross.
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Mar 2, 2017 12:59
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ArbitraryC posted:in light of recent evidence this is super duper racist tho I didn't mention a country or race, I was instead talking about how arranged marriages work and have worked all throughout history. Actually I'm gonna make this easy for you. Go to UNICEF's website and look at the arranged marriage website and look at the Married by 15 and Married by 18 columns for the world. Gumbel2Gumbel fucked around with this message at 13:40 on Mar 2, 2017 |
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Mar 2, 2017 13:34
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Psycho Society posted:Are you worried someone is going to find your porn folder Ugh, I hate transphobic assholes. *goes on xhamster and searches "tranny sissy shemale whore degraded and used"*
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Mar 2, 2017 13:35
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A dog jumped up at me and I had to beat it off.
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Mar 2, 2017 13:36
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NoneMoreNegative posted:A dog jumped up at me and I had to beat it off. A likely story. Cuff him, boys! My [20F] family is calling my niece [13F] a traitor because she went to the police and told them what her dad were doing to her brother [14M] Non-Romantic quote:submitted 6 months ago by Mummicans https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zLhMUApgqs
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Mar 2, 2017 13:48
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KomodoWagon posted:Ugh, I hate transphobic assholes. Clearly i agree with the use of these terms, in no way was i simply arguing that comparing finding trans women attractive with loving dogs, is loving revolting.
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Mar 2, 2017 14:05
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Counterpoint to the arranged marriage theory: think of some of the family horror stories we've seen go through this thread and then tell me you want them picking your husband.
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Mar 2, 2017 14:05
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