/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Coming to theaters this summer:

quote:

My (22M) fianc� (22F) has her whole brides maids roster ready, and I don't have a best man, let alone more than a couple groomsmen.

I feel like this fits in this sub. So, I need advice on how to find a best friend. My wife made a ton of friends when she was in her sorority and so she has a bunch of people that she wants to be brides maids. I, however, made most of my friends in life when I was in high school, and we don't really keep in touch anymore, despite how hard I try. I have a couple friends at my workplace but not really close enough to matter. Basically if you have ever seen the movie "I Love You Man," that's the situation I am in. So I need to know how people find friends in their adults life because I need to find someone that I can become close enough to to have a best man at wedding in 19 months.

tl;dr: I'm an adult who needs to know how to make friends.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:00

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# ? May 14, 2024 17:08

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

My boyfriend (soon to be fiance, 28 yr old male), accidentally poo poo in my mouth (I'm a 29 yr old female).
submitted 4 hours ago by cantbelieveit69

quote:

obvious throwaway.
So eric (28) and i have been dating for 3 years and are planning on getting engaged this spring. We've lived together for a year and a half and he compliments me deeply. we met on a dating site and bonded over our dogs, love of hiking and journalism careers. we also have a very active sex life (we both have very high libidos). which brings me to the following problem.
last week we were 69-ing, when i experimented with anal play on him. he liked it so i went further and gave him a rim job. he was loving it and being very vocal, saying things like "O yeah!" when he accidentally sharted. his hot liquid feces squirt into my mouth and i screamed and almost puked. i know he didn't do it on purpose - he has IBS-D. he apologized a lot and im not angry at him for it...but now i cant look at him the same.
everytime i see him i think of that taste in my mouth and the fact that he poo poo in it. again, not his fault. i dont feel any desire to get intimate with him because im grossed out by him now. idk how to explain it really. what can i do to get over this? should i take some time? will that icky feeling last?
TL;DR: my soon to be fiance sharted in my mouth and i dont feel sexually attracted to him anymore

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:07

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Tolkien minority posted:

My boyfriend (soon to be fiance, 28 yr old male), accidentally poo poo in my mouth (I'm a 29 yr old female).
submitted 4 hours ago by cantbelieveit69

This is almost certainly fake but hot drat

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:11

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Don't say "shitfaced" around Nancy

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:11

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Elsa posted:

Don't say "shitfaced" around Nancy

oh my god

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:13

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Tolkien minority posted:

My boyfriend (soon to be fiance, 28 yr old male), accidentally poo poo in my mouth (I'm a 29 yr old female).
submitted 4 hours ago by cantbelieveit69

the best r/relationships letter to penthouse five stars

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:13

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Like, maybe this makes me ableist or whatever, but if I was dating someone with a medical condition involving uncontrollable diarrhea, I would probably avoid 69/butt-stuff positions that would put me directly downwind of butt-spray at bare minimum

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:15

chumbler: Mar 28, 2010

I think it would be more downstream, in this case.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:15

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

quote:

i know he didn't do it on purpose - he has IBS-D

WELL THEN DON'T PUT YOUR MOUTH NEAR HIS rear end in a top hat, LADY!

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:20

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

If you want a perfect reason to break up, there it is.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:21

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

With great power comes great responsibility

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:22

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Elsa posted:

If you want a perfect reason to break up, there it is.

I think "pooped in my mouth" should be a universally respected mulligan. Nothing personal, you're a swell guy, you pooped in my mouth, seeya.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:23

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

if you don't like the flavor of his dooks it's not true love anyway

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:26

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Straight White Shark posted:

I think "pooped in my mouth" should be a universally respected mulligan. Nothing personal, you're a swell guy, you pooped in my mouth, seeya.

Pretty much. No shame on the dude -- this isn't the deliberate car-shitter from a while back, who should be shamed from the rooftops, or 28-Year-Old Pantsing Goblin -- but it's pretty reasonable to just move on. I don't even know how you'd start to repair attraction to someone who pooped in your goddamn mouth

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:29

Jon Irenicus: Apr 23, 2008; YO ASSHOLE

Straight White Shark posted:

I think "pooped in my mouth" should be a universally respected mulligan. Nothing personal, you're a swell guy, you pooped in my mouth, seeya.

Looking for a sneaky way to poop in my boyfriend's [35M] mouth for a guilt free break-up [19F], any advice?

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:37

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Jon Irenicus posted:

Looking for a sneaky way to poop in my boyfriend's [35M] mouth for a guilt free break-up [19F], any advice?

Ask for a rim job. If he says no, you dump hm for not meeting your sexual needs. Win-win.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:40

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Antivehicular posted:

Like, maybe this makes me ableist or whatever, but if I was dating someone with a medical condition involving uncontrollable diarrhea, I would probably avoid 69/butt-stuff positions that would put me directly downwind of butt-spray at bare minimum

Everyone look at this ableist shitlord

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:47

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

At the same time if you haven't accidentally tasted poo poo you're not trying.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:51

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

I'm curious if she was on bottom did she like tap out or try to buck him off before the three-count

can someone ask

# ? Mar 3, 2017 03:53

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Everyone look at this ableist shitlord

More like not willing to eat shitlord

# ? Mar 3, 2017 04:02

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

chumbler posted:

I think it would be more downstream, in this case.

brownstream

# ? Mar 3, 2017 04:32

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

ArbitraryC posted:

brownstream

Ok, this post wins this round of the thread.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 05:49

Parsley: Jul 17, 2012

"Will that icky feeling last?"

Til the day you die, darling. In fact it also prevents you getting into heaven.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 09:32

Grem: Mar 29, 2004; It's how her species communicates

He might as well go all out and ask her for a2m next.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 09:43

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

I'm not sure how I feel about 69s anymore, but I didn't even know dudes went on top. That seems awkward

Also is it better to be the pooper or the poopee?

# ? Mar 3, 2017 11:01

Kullik: Jan 5, 2017

69 is pretty terrible, i'd rather just give or recieve, not both.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 11:16

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

It's very important to get the oral sex out of the way as efficiently as possible. :pseudo:

If you try to do two things at once, you don't do a very good job at either one.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 11:45

Whorelord: May 1, 2013; Jump into the well...

I think we all know what the answer here is...

I (28 m) have been with my girlfriend (23 f) for a little over 6 months. Everything started nice but we have been constantly fighting of the dumbest things. The current target of the fights is my dogs.
I have 2 female dogs that i love like children. They have been with me since I moved here and they have gotten me through some tough times. Back the the current gf she started off with a small bit of jealousy towards them.
It began with "hey when you get home show me love first" then evolved into "dont let them on your furniture" and then spiraled into arguments where i was petting them with her in the room and she got jealous and mad. This continues until now i cant pet or play with my dogs when my gf is around and today she tells me that they need to be "outside dogs". I drew the line here and wont budge. So she counters with the classic me or them hypothetical and she really dosnt like my answer bc i choose the dogs. So here is the question. Should i continue to compromise and let her slowly push my dogs out of the picture or dump her ?
Tldr: girlfriend is slowly pushing my dogs i have had for years and love like kids out of the picture. Should i let her continue or let her go?

# ? Mar 3, 2017 13:32

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

BITCHES STAY

# ? Mar 3, 2017 13:38

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Chain her up in a doghouse imo, and don't let her on your furniture.

Outdoor girlfriends do usually live significantly shorter lives, especially if there is major traffic or coyotes nearby

# ? Mar 3, 2017 13:47

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

In all seriousness though the OP is a spineless molluscoid for even harboring the most minute reservation of kicking her out on her rear end.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 13:52

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

What if the dogs punched her?

# ? Mar 3, 2017 13:55

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

How is that even a question, what an idiot. Hmmmm do I pick someone who I really barely know or the creatures that love and adore me unconditionally

# ? Mar 3, 2017 14:20

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

54 40 or gently caress posted:

How is that even a question, what an idiot. Hmmmm do I pick someone who I really barely know or the creatures that love and adore me unconditionally

This. I'm confused as to how anyone could think this is something they need thorough advice for

# ? Mar 3, 2017 14:36

Parsley: Jul 17, 2012

Maybe girlfriend just wants a belly rub and a soft scritch behind the ears, too.

Also how do people get jealous of animals getting affection. Just join in and they will love you too and suddenly you bond over petting animals.
Which is the best bonding.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 15:01

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

I dunno, you ever been with one of those must love dogs people who lets their huge dirty dogs lick their face and climb all over you when you're eating or sitting on the couch?

I don't think we're getting the whole picture and he's sort of making up the jealousy. It's me reading into the line about keeping the dogs off the furniture as a negative, though.

Gumbel2Gumbel fucked around with this message at 15:11 on Mar 3, 2017

# ? Mar 3, 2017 15:08

Whorelord: May 1, 2013; Jump into the well...

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

I dunno, you ever been with one of those must love dogs people who lets their huge dirty dogs lick their face and climb all over you when you're eating or sitting on the couch?

"oh no the dog's used to being around cats, yours will be fine as long as she doesn't run at the sight of her"

# ? Mar 3, 2017 15:10

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Picking this one out of r/weddingplanning

Wedding payment disaster. What now? Who knows

quote:

Throwaway because this is frankly very embarrassing. Anyway let me tell you about my nightmare of a wedding.

H and I were originally planning on paying for our wedding ourselves. We had a pretty small budget to work with so we were looking at doing pretty cheap picnic-type deal, and even then we couldn't include everyone in his family (he has a humongous family).

His parents didn't like that it wouldn't be very formal and that many relatives wouldn't be included, so they offered to pay for the major costs. Specifically the venue, chair/table/linen rentals, caterer and an open bar.

They paid deposits, catering bill was due at the time of the final head count, rentals were due at drop-off and the bar tab was due at the bar's closing. Venue was supposed to be paid two weeks prior to the event.

When we got to the venue their coordinator said that his parents made the venue payment late and then their check bounced. Since they paid late already, she didn't find out the check bounced until Friday afternoon. She said she'd been calling MIL nonstop and she wasn't answering or returning her calls.

H then went to find his parents. They told us they had some money issues and couldn't pay right now, and to tell the venue they'd pay them next week. They believed that since it was too late for the venue to get another wedding booking, they'd choose letting us do the wedding and getting paid late over kicking us out. Not true. The coordinator said the owner wanted cash or card payment if we wanted the venue doors unlocked.

H and I had just enough money to do it. Like with $20 to spare, it was that close.

But then the rental people showed up and wanted payment at time of delivery. H's uncle was a hero and paid that for us. He said he does NOT want us paying him back because he knows the situation and doesn't want to put that stress on us, so he said he'll work it out with H's parents directly.

Then came the caterer payment. That was supposed to be due with the final headcount but apparently FIL convinced the owner to let them pay on the day of. So if we wanted food for guests we needed to come up with that too. H called and managed to get his credit card company to up his limit until it was almost enough - $50 short of the payment before gratuity - and the caterer grudgingly accepted it.

H's parents said that the bill they HAD managed to pay was the bar service, apparently they paid that in full and the payment had already gone through. So we thought we were mostly home-free at this point. But then halfway through the reception we learn that they gave the head bartender a final headcount of 120. We actually had about 220 people in attendance. They paid based on the final headcount of 120, so they grossly underpaid.

To top it off they only brought enough supplies for 120 people, and only two bartenders. He said if they had the correct headcount they would have brought more stuff AND two more people. He was pissed off about having been lied to and that it was so hard to keep up with the crowd. He said he knew it wasn't our fault, but at this point he couldn't call someone in to bring more supplies when they hadn't even been paid in full, so their hands were tied and they were going to have to shut down the bar service altogether. At this point I was crying in the bathroom because it wasn't even 8PM yet. My sister gave the bartenders $500 to not leave, and she and H convinced them to switch it to a cash bar for the rest of the night so they'd get their money. We paid for 6 hours of open bar for 120 and got a little over 3 hours of open bar for the actual head count before switching to the cash bar, so he said in terms of hours and headcount it more or less evens out and he'd talk to the owner and see if the owner would just consider it settled. He said if the owner doesn't consider it settled he'll at least be dealing with MIL and FIL because their names are on the contract.

At the end of the day we literally didn't have money left in the bank to tip the bartenders or the catering staff. H and I got paid yesterday so we're going to figure out how to get a tip to the bartenders first after we pay my sister back, since we're lucky they didn't just up and leave.

Now I'm 50% thrilled to be married, but 25% sad and embarrassed, and 25% furious with H's parents. The ONLY reason we had a big wedding was because they wanted one and were willing to pay for it. I even made sure their names were on the contract just in case. But in the end it didn't even matter whose names were on the contract when we were at the point of the venue not wanting to unlock the doors for us, and the rental people not wanting to leave rentals without payment, and the bartenders almost leaving at 7:45, and so on.

We haven't spoken to them since, FH actually cried about it which shows how upset he is. He says he plans to get them to pay us back but I honestly don't know if that will realistically happen.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 15:58

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

zakharov posted:

Picking this one out of r/weddingplanning

Wedding payment disaster. What now? Who knows

holy loving poo poo that's evil

well if they wanted to use the wedding as an occasion to completely destroy their relationship with their son, mission accomplished in the most efficient fashion possible

# ? Mar 3, 2017 16:01

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# ? May 14, 2024 17:08

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

^and several other family members, by the sounds of it

Jesus Christ and I thought having my in laws run out bs sticking us with the bill for the bar had been bad.

# ? Mar 3, 2017 16:02

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