/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Lady whom cats hiss at the presence of doesn't like her husband to have a friendship with coworkers of the opposite sex, and would rather he also stopped liking comic books.

Also went through literally all of his messages on his phone?? Like yeah I can kinda see that if you have probable cause re: cheating but she just doesn't like this lady because they're friends

# ? Mar 6, 2017 19:42

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 14, 2024 21:41

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Bubblyblubber posted:

My[37F] daughter[12F] has a school assignment to write a comedy skit screenplay. Her TV writer father[41M] read the script, disapproved of it, then ripped the script into shreds

Fail dad is projecting his failure onto his daughter somethin fierce there lmao

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

dude's problem with furry girlfriend is that her fetish is specifically furry cucking, she can't shut up about how badly she wants to cheat on him with a sexy dragon man and needs to take breaks to masturbate while imagining she's loving wolf people with her boyfriend hanging out in the next room over, and it doesn't take Sigmund Freud to puzzle out that she might eventually realize this is a weird repressed metaphor for her regular ol' human cuck fetish and start nailing half the block

lmao

i agree but just lmao

# ? Mar 6, 2017 19:44

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Moridin920 posted:

Man I have 0 sympathy for DUI people.

Yeah. I got sober after my DUI. Some people just keep drinking and driving and get more DUIs.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 19:58

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Moridin920 posted:

Also dude if you're gonna party and gently caress other people break up with your SO before they drive 4 hours for a weekend visit you dumb idiot.

As this thread and all history teaches us, that would involve taking responsibility for your actions and boy howdy is that a real buzzkill for lying to yourself about how you are a good person.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:00

Lockback: Sep 3, 2006; All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.

Good new one.

My (28f) husband (28m) of 4 years just quit the police academy. I'd gone along with him leaving his great career, burning bridges and the fear of the job...but his reasons for quitting may have put me over the edge to leave him. Any advice?

quote:

So I've been with Chris for a total of 6 years, married just over 4. We have our ups and downs as most couples do, but for the most part we've been very happy. We had what I thought was a great plan to save for a house, timeline for kids. We both had really great jobs and were on track for everything. As a total admission, I admit I'm a bit of control freak and like to have every angle thought about and accounted for (for Parks and Rec/Breaking Bad fans, Chris calls me Leslie Knope on Walter White's blue meth). So it was a total shock when Chris said that he wanted to leave his great job as an engineer to join the police force. I knew he was a little bored so I wanted to be supportive. I stayed up many nights going over our plans and figuring a way it would work for him to take about a 60% pay cut. We had also had a very high profile episode of police officers getting shot in our area not too long ago so I was terrified of the job.

We had a long talk and I relented that if it's what he really wanted then I would find a way to make it work. I assumed that he would apply to police academy while working, but he had completely other plans. He quit his job that day by telling his boss "you're a bald gently caress who's wife wants to suck my dick." (I know the exact wording because he's "bragged" so many times). He also may have damaged some very expensive equipment on his way out the door. He is very lucky that the company didn't sue us (they may still, and no matter what he's burned all bridges to work for any similar companies in our area). Well his departing shot meant that he both quit and was fired for cause so he got nothing in the way of severance--his boss would have probably been willing to work with him had he not has hid little outburst.

It took him a month to even fill out his police academy application. In the mean time he watched days worth of netflix, made enormous messes in the house that he expected me to clean up, he bought a $5000 bicycle "to get in shape" that he rode maybe twice. And he gained about 25lbs on top of it all. He finally got around to applying to the police academy and was accepted.
Well he instantly had problems at the Academy with the physical training aspects because he'd gotten so out of shape. He barely passed each phase and every time I talked to him he always had a lame excuse of "this instructor hates me," "They are biased against white guys...period," etc... Never once did he admit that it was his laziness and weight gain while he was out of work that had done him in.

Well about an hour ago he quit the Academy. He told me that he had a black instructor who just was so biased against white guys and he was thinking about filing a lawsuit. I just lost it with him on the phone and told him how tired I was of everything, from the quitting his job, to the disaster he made his house, to the loose racism and his stupid growing fat rear end. He told me that i should support him no matter what. I told him that I had tried but his stupidity and immaturity had pushed me over the edge. He hung up and I haven't heard from him since.

I am very seriously thinking about contacting a lawyer this afternoon to start a divorce. I'm sick of him, I'm sick of his excuses. I admit that I have problems in that I need to over-plan everything but I feel like I stepped way out on a limb to support him and he shoved it in my face at every opportunity and made me feel like an idiot. Am I justified in wanting to leave him?

tl;dr: My husband just quit the police academy. This was after he quit his engineering job on bad terms, did nothing for months except make me clean up after him and spend money we didn't have. He claims the reason he quit was because of his racist instructor and things not being fair, but the real reason was he can barely pass the physical training because he never worked out and got really overweight. Am I right in wanting to leave him for good?

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:36

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Lockback posted:

Good new one.

My (28f) husband (28m) of 4 years just quit the police academy. I'd gone along with him leaving his great career, burning bridges and the fear of the job...but his reasons for quitting may have put me over the edge to leave him. Any advice?

oh my loving GOD

:murder:

this rear end in a top hat

after you gently caress his police academy instructor

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:40

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Pvt.Scott posted:

How does a knotted member affect vagina mileage? Asking for a friend.

Unless thwy are really big knots then probably not as much as a baby's head.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:43

Waterbed Wendy: Jan 29, 2009

I'm glad that dude got fat, no ones needs yet another racist white copper out there.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:46

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Lockback posted:

Good new one.

My (28f) husband (28m) of 4 years just quit the police academy. I'd gone along with him leaving his great career, burning bridges and the fear of the job...but his reasons for quitting may have put me over the edge to leave him. Any advice?

drat pigs always keeping the white man down

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:46

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Where'd that av come from moridin

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:47

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Yeah that av is a doozy lol

# ? Mar 6, 2017 20:56

Barudak: May 7, 2007

I did not realize reddit allowed cross dimensional posting from realms where cops are racist against whites.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:07

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Lol the police guy is like the reverse version of my friend who got talked into joining the army after high school. Except his family made him sit down in front of a pizza and a six pack and said, "You're eating all of this, and this is every meal for the next month" so that he wouldn't pass the physical. He was in shape but his body type hosed with the BMI so the recruiter bought him a gym membership.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:13

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Lockback posted:

My (28f) husband (28m) of 4 years just quit the police academy. I'd gone along with him leaving his great career, burning bridges and the fear of the job...but his reasons for quitting may have put me over the edge to leave him. Any advice?

If you hadn't specified this was new I'd have assumed this was an old post from someone I knew a few years back in a nearly identical situation. Turns out police academies appeal to lazy assholes, who knew???

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:16

Mak0rz: Aug 2, 2008; 😎🐗🚬

cumshitter posted:

Lol the police guy is like the reverse version of my friend who got talked into joining the army after high school. Except his family made him sit down in front of a pizza and a six pack and said, "You're eating all of this, and this is every meal for the next month" so that he wouldn't pass the physical. He was in shape but his body type hosed with the BMI so the recruiter bought him a gym membership.

Did he eventually get in?

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:20

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

Mak0rz posted:

Did he eventually get in?

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:22

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Mak0rz posted:

Did he eventually get in?

No he managed to get out of it.

He spent a week running and doing cardio and poo poo before his family found out and put him on the pizza and beer diet.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:22

KomodoWagon: May 10, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Psycho Society posted:

Where'd that av come from moridin

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:27

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

You have an amazing avatar Moridin. :eyepop:

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:39

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

Elsa posted:

alternatively, he could get a fur suit or dragon suit and a bad dragon dot com bulk purchase discount.

Actually the bulk discount only applies to large orders in terms of quantity.

Drunk Nerds fucked around with this message at 21:44 on Mar 6, 2017

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:40

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Drunk Nerds posted:

Actually the bulk discount applies to large orders in terms of quantity.

I just. If my girlfriend said she would come so hard to a dragon dick even if it ate her afterwards I'd be like

:stare:

DO YOU WANT THE NEON ORANGE ONE OR THE ONE WITH SPARKLIES MAYBE BOTH??

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:44

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

In my best dragon voice

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:56

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Elsa posted:

I just. If my girlfriend said she would come so hard to a dragon dick even if it ate her afterwards I'd be like

DO YOU WANT THE NEON ORANGE ONE OR THE ONE WITH SPARKLIES MAYBE BOTH??

'and I want you to watch from the corner. weeping optional'

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:59

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

Waterbed Wendy posted:

I'm glad that dude got fat, no ones needs yet another racist white copper out there.

yeah society as a whole dodged a bullet there yikes

# ? Mar 6, 2017 21:59

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Fullhouse posted:

yeah society as a whole dodged a bullet there yikes

Especially some unarmed black teens.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:01

Lockback: Sep 3, 2006; All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.

Another good new one.

Me [20m], first office job. I think I've breached some big office etiquette rule and colleague is pissed [40s?F]. But I don't think I've done anything wrong, help?

quote:

This is my first office job and I dunno wtf has happened. I've been working here since last Wednesday. It's a medium sized office (30-40 people) and I've been introduced to most members of staff, all seems fine. But there is one colleague (who doesn't even work in my department) who is acting weird, let's call her Eve

Today I went to the toilet and did a number 2. I cleaned myself up and when I opened the door Eve was standing there waiting for me, she leant into the toilet, took a sniff and then said "we do not pass solids in the toilets here" and walked off

My first thought was WTF because it's a toilet, that's what it's for? It's not as if I left a mess. But whatever I let it slide. But half an hour later I'm at my desk and Eve has sent a mass email round to the office reminding people that "solids are not to be passed on the ground floor bathroom." Thankfully she didn't mention me specifically but it was clearly directed at me.
I thought that would be the end of it but at the end of work today Eve cornered me again and "just wanted to clarify the rules regarding passing solids in the ground floor bathroom"

Am I going mad? It's a bathroom, it's meant for making GBS threads right? I get that it's a public office, you gotta keep stuff clean, but I'm feeling really bad and I want to make a good first impression at work, but I've been made to feel that this is some serious breach of office etiquette...

TL DR colleague unfairly singling me out for using toilet at work, feels like I've done nothing wrong but I'm afraid I've broken some unspoken office rule, this is my first office job...

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:24

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Lockback posted:

Another good new one.

Me [20m], first office job. I think I've breached some big office etiquette rule and colleague is pissed [40s?F]. But I don't think I've done anything wrong, help?

Run to human resources. Run, goddamnit.

unless she's your HR lady, in which case, quit

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:25

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

???????????????????????????????????????????

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:26

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

i'm guessing it's someplace with poor ventilation and it's an unspoken rule but the thing with unspoken rules is that you don't loving speak them, lol

it's one thing to bring it up in passing but lol, cornering him as he's coming out of the bathroom? that's borderline sexual harassment.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:27

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Put this one in the 'poo poo that didn't happen but is a common jerkoff fantasy for the author' bin.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:28

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Lockback posted:

Another good new one.

Me [20m], first office job. I think I've breached some big office etiquette rule and colleague is pissed [40s?F]. But I don't think I've done anything wrong, help?

the followup comments just raise more questions

quote:

But this is the toilet that is closest to me, other staff use it all the time. It takes around 5 extra minutes to get to the upstairs toilets, if I poo poo 6 times a day on average then that's half an hour I'm wasting, I don't want ot come off like I'm not working.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:28

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

BATHROOM POLICE :siren:

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:29

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Lmao I totally believe that. Everyone knows the office bathroom is for peeing, the bathroom in the hall is for pooping. Rookie mistake.

E: SIX times a day? :wtc:

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:29

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Lede buried in the comments:
There are 7 toilets in the building but most of them are upstairs. The one I was in is used for clients/guests etc but it is also the closet to my cubicle

They keep the "guest" toilet nice and poop upstairs. I mean I'd probably still try to get the goat of the person harassing me over it, but at least I get it. He also says he shits 6 times a day on average in the comments lol.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:29

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

the followup comments just raise more questions

if dude is pooping 6 times a day he's not passing anything "solid" unless he's 400 pounds

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:29

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Like maybe go upstairs to the other bathroom if it's a sales office and you have client stopping by? But we have clients who give us their life savings at my place and that doesn't stop any of the analysts or bond dudes from taking loud, thunderous shits whenever they please.

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:30

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

poop in the corner

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:30

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Lede buried in the comments:
There are 7 toilets in the building but most of them are upstairs. The one I was in is used for clients/guests etc but it is also the closet to my cubicle

They keep the "guest" toilet nice and poop upstairs. I mean I'd probably still try to get the goat of the person harassing me over it, but at least I get it. He also says he shits 6 times a day on average in the comments lol.

Is a guest really going to be upset that the bathroom smells like poop?

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:31

sout: Apr 24, 2014

i'm the clarification that he cleaned himself up

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:31

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 14, 2024 21:41

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

calling it now the toilet sniffer and Permanently making GBS threads Man are going to hook up and bang in that stinky bathroom, they are too much kindred spirits to do otherwise

# ? Mar 6, 2017 22:32

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »