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I don't think doing that while the other person is cooking would be the wisest idea.
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Mar 8, 2017 02:29
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Elsa posted:I ran into this situation where I felt like I was losing touch with my ex. We were together at the time of course. My solution was basically the saying, 'a woman should never let her husband leave the house hungry or horny.' Excuse the gender bias, it's folk wisdom. Whenever I had that creeping insecurity I'd interrupt whatever she was doing and give her a clit orgasm with my tongue. Sometimes she'd be watching tv and continue, maybe cooking, and on a few occasions I stopped her on the way out the door and got on my knees right next to our shoe rack. It only took a minute. Zip the jeans back up and 'have a nice day baby.' It worked and it was reciprocated with things like blowjobs under the desk while I watched porn. My goal was basically getting her addicted to me. elsa, i don't think you're in any position to give anyone life advice.
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Mar 8, 2017 02:30
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PleasingFungus posted:there's a big difference between those examples and Do you expect me to read these terrible things? gently caress.
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Mar 8, 2017 02:33
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I don't think many women would orgasm from one minute of oral sex given when they weren't expecting it.
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Mar 8, 2017 02:35
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I'm pretty sure the concept of being in a relationship where the dynamic is "I'm insecure, so I need you to accept head right now, because this way I can reassure myself that you ~need me~ and are ~addicted to me~ and not standing there awkwardly with your car keys or pasta spoon in your hand while I give you totally self-serving oral" has made my genitalia retreat deep into my abdominal cavity, never to be seen again
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Mar 8, 2017 02:51
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WampaLord posted:I don't think many women would orgasm from one minute of oral sex given when they weren't expecting it. Eh, if you know the girl you can get it down to a few minutes.
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Mar 8, 2017 03:01
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cumshitter posted:Could she potentially claim his degree? i don't think academic institutions look very kindly on fraud idk quote:My goal was basically getting her addicted to me. how'd that go? mr super scared of getting cheated on ever
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Mar 8, 2017 03:03
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Pvt.Scott posted:lol what? Have you never had someone pay for dinner with a card and then get cash from peeps after? Or maybe you know somebody with Amazon Prime and you need some poo poo delivered or they have some vendor shipping dealie and they throw your poo poo on the next invoice and you give them cash for your poo poo? Never not once? He didn't give her the money as soon as he used her card to buy it, he gave it to her when she got an alert from her bank. So he may not have even paid her if she hadn't noticed the charges. She had also said no literally the night before the purchase. He should maybe work on impulse control and having friends he hasn't burned yet on this kind of poo poo( whose money or cards he could've borrowed if girlfriendmom said no), and he should maybe work on not committing cc fraud. She should maybe be less judgey, but I can't bring myself to say she's anywhere near wrong here. Borrowing someone's card or money, especially if you have cash in hand at that very moment, is one thing, but this is a horse/skateboard of a different color.
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Mar 8, 2017 03:10
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I'm more and more convinced that the ability to derail this thread with inane poo poo is passed from Goon to Goon thorough social contact in the forums, like a sort of cyber-mono or techno-herpes. So stop sucking Elsa's dick, moridin. You almost came down with Mirthless syndrome, the last thing we need is for you to go full shitposting. Parents charge me rent when I visit once a year. (Extended post from r/personalfinance). Thoughts? quote:u/J1--1J1y
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Mar 8, 2017 03:50
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Actually in NZ that happens all the time. I even charge my friends cleaning and tidying fees if I have a party. $5 in the jar by the door or I throw you down the steps. My grandparents used to make me work for board, mowing lawns, feeding chickens, that sort of thing.
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Mar 8, 2017 04:07
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Bubblyblubber posted:I'm more and more convinced that the ability to derail this thread with inane poo poo is passed from Goon to Goon thorough social contact in the forums, like a sort of cyber-mono or techno-herpes. christ if i did this to any of my family or mates they'd straight up punch me to death, quite rightly so. What a hosed thing to do.
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Mar 8, 2017 04:13
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Its loving weird, but they are clever enough to charge a rate low enough youd have to make a fortune to not take the offer over paying your own hotel. Solution: Dont loving stay with them jesus christ, stay with other people you visit.
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Mar 8, 2017 04:29
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The part that got me was that they won't give him rides to/from the airport. The rent thing is a little weird, but that really crosses the line from "this is kind of strange but I suppose a month-long stay justifies some level of economic contribution while you're there" to "do his parents hate him and he hasn't gotten the hint?"
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Mar 8, 2017 04:31
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Some families are different, NZ is weird in that we're halfway stuck between A) Shoving the kids out the door at 18 and telling them to be financially independent while getting insane student loans, and the reality of B) Living costs are huge in NZ, especially insane in Auckland, so a lot of kids are stuck in the parental home for practical reasons forever. I was actually thinking how NZ-relatable that topic line was before he even metioned being kiwi. To me, the issue is not loving picking your goddamn family up at the airport. gently caress those lovely parents, seven years running of not picking up/dropping off loved ones at the airport, jesus.
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Mar 8, 2017 04:33
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Yeah something weird is going on here but I don't know what.
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Mar 8, 2017 04:37
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nomad2020 posted:Try again. Lol how about you say what you take issue with there first?
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Mar 8, 2017 05:12
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PleasingFungus posted:elsa, i don't think you're in any position to give anyone life advice. Whaaat? But but internet forum. It's a meeting of the minds.
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Mar 8, 2017 05:26
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Why are you guys being grumpy to Elsa anyway? Maybe I'm just used to crazy.
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Mar 8, 2017 05:37
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Yeah guys. Let it go. The joke I was trying to make Waterbed Wendy fucked around with this message at 06:25 on Mar 8, 2017 |
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Mar 8, 2017 05:46
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This makes me happy thank you.
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Mar 8, 2017 05:54
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I need help with my Tinder profile so far all I have is,"I like the smell of perfume, make-up, cigarettes, and beer."
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Mar 8, 2017 05:55
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Elsa posted:I need help with my Tinder profile so far all I have is,"I like the smell of perfume, make-up, cigarettes, and beer." just go loiter at your nearest country bar. it'll all come together. e: adding a "I like women who dip" clause in there might help a bit
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Mar 8, 2017 05:57
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Went looking for an OP to post, found a comment that was funnier than any of them:reply to My (20 M) GF (20 F) of 4 months, is a super picky eater posted:I think your girlfriend is a saint. As a picky eater myself, foodies are some of the most annoying people around. (the OP is a mundane "my SO is a womanchild who lives off pizza and fried food" post)
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Mar 8, 2017 06:03
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Iron Prince posted:just go loiter at your nearest country bar. it'll all come together. Dip doesn't have a smell. I guess it has a taste though, which I like. Oh and I started dipping again. I should add that. Thanks!
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Mar 8, 2017 06:04
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Elsa posted:Dip doesn't have a smell. I didn't think today was the day I would find the wrongest of all wrong posts but here we are.
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Mar 8, 2017 06:13
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Pvt.Scott posted:Why are you guys being grumpy to Elsa anyway? Maybe I'm just used to crazy. He's being a tease by dangling his mental illness and potentially hilarious story through little tastes here and there, I for one want him to poo poo or get off the pot also he shares the name of a lovely French girl I used to be with which is really quite disturbing to me
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Mar 8, 2017 06:15
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Antivehicular posted:The part that got me was that they won't give him rides to/from the airport. The rent thing is a little weird, but that really crosses the line from "this is kind of strange but I suppose a month-long stay justifies some level of economic contribution while you're there" to "do his parents hate him and he hasn't gotten the hint?" I agree. The rent they're charging is low, so it's weird but... whatever, he can easily afford it. But not picking him up at the airport? That's a huge hassle for him, and don't they want to see him?
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Mar 8, 2017 06:16
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Haifisch posted:Went looking for an OP to post, found a comment that was funnier than any of them: I like how he starts it with basically "gently caress people with hobbies!" I understand being irritated at dogs in dog-appropriate public places, but this dude just hates human joy. I'm also struggling hard to come up with more of a first-world problem than "my partner baked for me to try a flavor type I hadn't enjoyed before, but I still didn't enjoy it," especially combined with the "why is she angry I didn't try her cooking?/I clearly still resent her for cooking something I don't like" bit. She was trying to give you a better coconut experience than you'd had previously, dude. Even if you don't like the cookies, the least you can do is not be a total poo poo about it.
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Mar 8, 2017 06:42
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Elsa posted:... I think maybe it's the choice of words here, but this reads hilarious to me. E: It sounds like someone who hasn't actually had sex trying to convince someone else they totally have. "Yeah man, she gave me a blow j and everything. And her boobs were all soft, like bags of sand." Batterypowered7 fucked around with this message at 06:55 on Mar 8, 2017 |
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Mar 8, 2017 06:50
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Is there, like, an elbow orgasm or something? Honest question. I haven't had a chance to root around very many ladies. E: should I take my chances and hope she has a sensitive septum? Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 06:56 on Mar 8, 2017 |
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Mar 8, 2017 06:53
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Batterypowered7 posted:I think maybe it's the choice of words here, but this reads hilarious to me. Read but not commented upon - VendaGoat
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Mar 8, 2017 06:54
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Pvt.Scott posted:Is there, like, an elbow orgasm or something? Honest question. I haven't had a chance to root around very many ladies. Some people will differentiate between orgasm achieved via clitoral vs. vaginal stimulation, I think because of some weird Freudian theory about clitoral orgasms being "immature?" Which is kind of like telling a dude that orgasms involving stimulating the glans are "immature," but y'know. Female Sexuality As Dictated By Dudes Who Are Mostly Guessing is a wonderland.
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Mar 8, 2017 07:00
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Antivehicular posted:Some people will differentiate between orgasm achieved via clitoral vs. vaginal stimulation, I think because of some weird Freudian theory about clitoral orgasms being "immature?" Which is kind of like telling a dude that orgasms involving stimulating the glans are "immature," but y'know. Female Sexuality As Dictated By Dudes Who Are Mostly Guessing is a wonderland. That seems like a completely useless distinction to me, it's an orgasm. Most of them involve both of these things, check all the boxes n all that
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Mar 8, 2017 07:06
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therobit posted:Lol how about you say what you take issue with there first? You guessed wrong 
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Mar 8, 2017 07:08
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Play posted:That seems like a completely useless distinction to me, it's an orgasm. Most of them involve both of these things, check all the boxes n all that No, no, you see, the Council of Dudes Dictating What Female Sexuality Really Is have theories, and none of them involve outre ideas like "female genitalia isn't a mysterious puzzle box" or "the way a woman orgasms and what stimulation works for her is probably just physiological quirks and not the secret key to her psyche"
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Mar 8, 2017 07:08
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Pvt.Scott posted:Is there, like, an elbow orgasm or something? Yes, you jump from the corner of the ring and if you aim just right your partner and the crowd go wild.
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Mar 8, 2017 07:12
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Haifisch posted:Went looking for an OP to post, found a comment that was funnier than any of them: I think the most baffling line in this one is the "no hot sauce because I like to taste the meat" part, usually the "I like to taste the meat" thing is for not using condiments on more expensive foods like steaks but no one would put hot sauce or sriracha on those anyways so I can't really figure out the context. Does this guy get chicken tenders and scoff at plebes who eat them with sauce or something?
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Mar 8, 2017 07:13
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Antivehicular posted:I like how he starts it with basically "gently caress people with hobbies!" I understand being irritated at dogs in dog-appropriate public places, but this dude just hates human joy. Like, I recognize half his excuses from back when I was a picky eater(this texture is weird! this food is gross, there's no way cooking it differently could make it taste different!), but by the time I was an adult I realized that was hosed up and worked on fixing it. This guy's probably in his late 20s and content to wallow in his pickiness, while aggressively rejecting the ideas that foods can be tastier depending on how they're prepared & that seasoning generally makes things taste better. If he ever has kids, his wife will be fighting an uphill battle to make them eat their vegetables when daddy won't even eat a tomato. But instead of lifting a finger to fix how broken he is before it causes bigger issues, he throws a tantrum at homemade macaroons. Less individually funny but more collectively aggravating are the redditors who rush to comment on picky eater threads with "maybe they're just a supertaster/have ARFID", even though the problem is usually just that their palate got ruined with 'kid's food'(chicken nuggets, pizza, mac & cheese, etc), and nobody ever forced them to grow out of it.
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Mar 8, 2017 07:14
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ArbitraryC posted:I think the most baffling line in this one is the "no hot sauce because I like to taste the meat" part, usually the "I like to taste the meat" thing is for not using condiments on more expensive foods like steaks but no one would put hot sauce or sriracha on those anyways so I can't really figure out the context. Does this guy get chicken tenders and scoff at plebes who eat them with sauce or something? I may have told this story before in this thread, but back in high school, my best friend dated a boy who wouldn't go out to eat anywhere where he couldn't get plain chicken tenders and fries. I think he might have tolerated ketchup with them, but I think that dude was just really into plain chicken tenders, by which I mean he was into tasting nothing. I always feel slightly guilty telling that story, because the boy in question was in retrospect very clearly on the autism spectrum and was otherwise a very pleasant person and even a decent enough boyfriend, but: yes. These people are out there and they want their blandness as bland as they can get it.
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Mar 8, 2017 07:31
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nomad2020 posted:You guessed wrong About chexsystems being a credit score? Nonsense. If there is some internal scoring that an institution you have worked for is using then I wouldn't know about that, but I have seen many an efunds report andbit tells you if there is a retail indicator and if there are charged off checking accounts. No score unless that is a newer optional product. If you mean people not opening accounts for KNOWN fraudsters, well all I can say is I don't know a lot of people who want thier name on the paperwork approving an exception for a multi thousand dollar new account loss when they might only make a couple bucks for opening the account.
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Mar 8, 2017 07:34
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