/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Dienes posted:

Probably because that's what choking means.

"It's okay, I'm just cutting off oxygen by squeezing the sides, it's tote safe."

Restricting blood flow to the brain by squeezing arteries and actually limiting a person's ability to breath are completely different things. When I was very young and hadn't had the benefit of hard drugs and therapy to help me I used to do the former to myself quite frequently.

edit: not that either are particularly safe or healthy

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:01

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# ? May 31, 2024 23:53

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

didn't the guy who played Raiden in the movie die that way? I don't want to go that way

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:02

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Crushing windpipes with my meaty hamfists gets me hard. Don't kinkshame.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:03

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

a pillow will let through just enough air so u don't go to jail

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:06

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Dienes posted:

Probably because that's what choking means.

"It's okay, I'm just cutting off oxygen by squeezing the sides, it's tote safe."

how do you think a stranglehold works?

e:

I mean poo poo dude the police are trained to do it in order to make someone compliant it's not *that* loving dangerous is all I'm saying.

http://www.nletc.com/lateral-vascular-neck-restraint-lvnr

Moridin920 fucked around with this message at 00:10 on Mar 9, 2017

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:07

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

In my experience women into "choking" just like the power dynamic, not actual asphyxiation. It's the implication, no need to actually squeeze.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:09

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

ArbitraryC posted:

In my experience women into "choking" just like the power dynamic, not actual asphyxiation. It's the implication, no need to actually squeeze.

There's that too, you pretty much never actually squeeze in any meaningful way hence 'light choking'

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I've run into enough people who can't get 'girl goes on top' right that it's frankly a shocker that more people don't die to sexy choking all the loving time

But yeah that's a way better argument really, I wouldn't let just anyone get their claws around my neck

Moridin920 fucked around with this message at 00:13 on Mar 9, 2017

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:11

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Moridin920 posted:

how do you think a stranglehold works?

e:

I mean poo poo dude the police are trained to do it in order to make someone compliant it's not *that* loving dangerous is all I'm saying.

http://www.nletc.com/lateral-vascular-neck-restraint-lvnr

fully aware that responding to your terrible posts is walking into a trap but tons of jurisdictions have specifically barred police from using chokeholds because they kill people that way at a rate that the state won't even tolerate from cops

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:14

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

"police do this to people, so it's not dangerous"

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:15

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

fully aware that responding to your terrible posts is walking into a trap but in tons of jurisdictions police have specifically been barred from using chokeholds because they kill people that way at a rate that the state won't even tolerate from cops

Yeah but the difference is on is the police implementing a chokehold against a struggling uncooperative suspect often to the point of unconsciousness and the other is lightly squeezing your sex partner's neck when they come.

Pick posted:

"police do this to people, so it's not dangerous"

I didn't say that Pick, I said the technique is specifically not to put pressure on the windpipe to which someone said "lol you're an idiot that's what choking means!!!" And then I gave an example in the form of strangleholds, which work by cutting off bloodflow not by clamping down on the windpipe.

e: whatever I'll drop it, but lol some of you sound basic a f in bed.

Moridin920 fucked around with this message at 00:17 on Mar 9, 2017

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:15

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

the only thing you choke is your awful scabby dick shut the gently caress up

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:20

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

nice meltdown

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:20

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

This is gonna blow your mind but get this... I do all the sex moves

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:21

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

I got an arcade stick so I can do the spd (sex pile driver) from neutral.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:22

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

GBS was so much better when Moridin was chain probated it's not even funny. Like, it was weird and bad when it was happening, but now I look back on those halcyon days with a tear of nostalgia welling in my eye.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:22

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Moridin920 posted:

e: whatever I'll drop it, but lol some of you sound basic a f in bed.

*Thought bubble about goons having sex intensifies*

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:22

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A HO IN THE SLOT. ITS BONDAGE SADISM DOMINANCE MASOCHISM AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH MY CONSENTinG PARTNER, CONSUELA.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:23

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

boner confessor posted:

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A HO IN THE SLOT. ITS BONDAGE SADISM DOMINANCE MASOCHISM AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH MY CONSENTinG PARTNER, CONSUELA.

lol. I always want to do parodies of this but then i can't remember the wording and im like gently caress it

but to be honest I think I'm going to ask my girlfriend to lightly apply pressure to the side of my neck tonight, wish me luck guys! if I die I bequeath my account to moridin, he who lit my path

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:36

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

ArbitraryC posted:

I got an arcade stick so I can do the spd (sex pile driver) from neutral.

whoa

Play posted:

lol. I always want to do parodies of this but then i can't remember the wording and im like gently caress it

but to be honest I think I'm going to ask my girlfriend to lightly apply pressure to the side of my neck tonight, wish me luck guys! if I die I bequeath my account to moridin, he who lit my path

What, like a hug? Those kill people.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:42

PleasingFungus: Oct 10, 2012; idiot asshole bitch who should fuck off

boner confessor posted:

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A HO IN THE SLOT. ITS BONDAGE SADISM DOMINANCE MASOCHISM AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH MY CONSENTinG PARTNER, CONSUELA.

good use of 'slot'

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:43

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

The adventures of reddit user Joediscard
Am I in the wrong?

quote:

My wife regularly texts spiteful things about other members of the family to my sister in law and they enjoy bitching about people.
Everyone suspects this is the case , my parents openly but I haven't discussed this with anyone.
My wife was looking through my phone (I am open about the conversations we have and it isn't an issue) and sees a text from my mother staying 'someone has been spreading poo poo again' looks like the girls (my wife and sister in law) are sharing hate text again.
I ask what it was about and my mother replies 'I'm not allowed to give details, but your brother (sil husband) isn't happy.
I stated that I didn't know what this was regarding and the conversation ended.
Now, because of this message, my wife is being really strange with me and didn't talk to me all night. I get the impression I should have stuck up for her, but honestly I didn't have time to pursue the conversation at the time. (And given the texts they send, she probably did at one point).

Alright, not too bad. Let's move on
I think my wife 32 and I 31 just separated . Nightmare Christmas

quote:

My wife son and I spent Christmas with her parents and I was thrown out of the house unceremoniously today.
My wife's parents have a history of not liking me. They look down on my upbringing and some of my habits and general messiness. I have made great pains to tidy up and to avoid any arguments at all and ensure that my behaviour was as good as possible. To be honest, I am sick to death of having to walk on eggshells around them and ignore their frequent digs at my family and way I choose to live.
My wife and I have had a difficult time and she shares some of their thoughts. She is always put into the middle of things. I don't skate her parents at all, but apparently they do about me.
They frequently get obsessions and this holiday, the obsession is my parenting style. They are convinced that I am not good enough to raise my son ( who I adore and would do anything for). They claim that I let him watch too much tv and that I am not strict enough with him and also too strict at the same time. They don't see our day to day life and how much I talk to himself , play with him and how much affection we share. They are possessive and narcissistic in many ways and belittle my wife and her parenting regularly.
I was disciplining my son, very difficult when in somebody else's house and take him to his cot for a time out as he was throwing toys and trying to climb the stair gate. This is probably the first time I have done this and I called it going to bed, as he kept trying the same thing. Anyway after I put him to his cot my wife came upstairs in tears saying j had put her in the middle again. She had been told to collect our son and that I was doing the wrong thing according to her father in law. She told me not to talk to him, but I did. I honestly don't know what was said, but it escalated to me having to leave. I love about 200 miles away but thankfully my brother lived closer and was able to pick me up.
My wife is now in their house and they seem to have all ganged up against me.
I haven't contacted as yet.
TL:DR
In laws are critics of my parenting style. Threw me out of their house and father in law wants to tell me some things he doesn't like about me. I don't think we are getting back together now.

How do you not know what was said when you were there? Let's see what's next
How can I [31m] and my wife [33f] bounce back after mini separation?

quote:

Edit: sorry about the wall of text. This is a bit of a vent. Over Christmas, my wife(33) and I started our separation of sorts. We have been married for 5 years (together for 10) and have a son (almost 2) and a house bought just over a year ago.
It had been a long time coming to be honest. She had treated me poorly and without much respect due to what she perceived to be poor life choices and I, in turn became sullen and defensive when criticized (which was often). Every time I messed up it got worse. She and I were and are exhausted from work and take out bad moods and stress out on one another.
These weren't massive things, mind you. I once opened scratched someones car when getting my son out of our car. I made some errors when painting. I didn't do my assigned chores every so often, left toothpaste in the sink, didn't change the loo roll. All these issues build over time and she became less and less tolerant to them, to the point where I was walking on eggshells the whole time trying not to make her blow up and shout at me.
Over christmas, I got into an argument with her in-laws (who we were staying with) about how I was going to discipline my son. It didn't get too heated, but my father in law snapped at me and I was asked to leave. She was really upset with me for 'ruining Christmas again' and I had to be picked up by my brother as I can't drive.
She decided to stay with my son at her parents house, which was about 200 miles from our family home (our own). She stayed there for an extra five days. In this time she barely spoke to me. I was barely able to speak to my son, who is almost two.
She came home yesterday and refused to talk to me point blank.
Today is better but it's not the same. She stayed in our room whilst I played with my son and kept him entertained all day. She had dinner with us and a conversation after my son went to bed. This evening, we spent it apart. She was in our room. I am sitting downstairs.
We used to sit on the sofa in the evenings, watching TV, commenting on the programmes. It wasn't perfect and we barely spoke, but it was comfortable.
Before that we used to have a spark. We were happy and playful. Often intimate.
I would love the spark to come back, but I fear it has gone. The stress of moving a year ago into a completely new are with no support network has caused untold stress. She had a difficult and very stressful pregnancy and a tough first year with our son.
I haven't been the best husband. I was selfish a lot of the time and didn't pull my weight as often as I should have.
She changed a lot and started to resent the new life we have, moving away from the city and the ease of transport, with more financial freedom. I know she feels trapped. Both by me and our son.
I don't know how to help our situation. She has ruled out couples therapy due to cost and lack of free time due to our working and childcare schedules. She is always texting others now. I don't think she is having an affair, but it seems like our situation is being broadcast live to her flying monkeys.
I want what is best for our son and I am not ready to give up on our marriage just yet. I just want us to get back to the place we were; To be the person she married. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
TL:DR
Wife and I have drifted apart. Looking for help as to how to rekindle our relationship and avoid an eventual divorce.

Will they bounce back? Can love bloom on a battlefield?
Feeling responsible

quote:

After 6 months separation, I finally got the forms stating her reasons for divorce.
Whilst some of it is exaggerated, I'm starting to realise why she wants this.
I wish she had actually agreed to the couples therapy so some of these would be sorted.
Not sure how to feel right now. I know the relationship wasn't good and was actually toxic a lot of the time, but I can't help feeling regret.

Apparently not. But what of the son?
Change of contact with son (2.5)

quote:

I (31) split with my ex wife (33) of 5 years( together 9 in total) in the new year. We have a 2.5 year old son together.
We had arranged that I have every other weekend with him. He doesn't stay over but we do fun activities. I moved out and live in a shared house and I don't want him to have to deal with a house of strangers.
I have always fought for a day a week of contact. Two weeks is too long to go for both me and him. She doesn't allow phone calls or FaceTime with him. It really hurts.
Now ex wife says she wants us to have a day every weekend.
My heart says I should fight for 50/50 contact and have him live with me in a new place after the divorce.
My head says keep the two weekly and add one day a week as it will be more stable for him.
Also, I am in a new relationship and really value the weekends we spend together.
I feel the ex is trying to control my life still. She knows about my gf and is jealous of my relationship with my son.
I'm really torn about my options.

Well...good luck Joe.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:44

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

ArbitraryC posted:

I got an arcade stick so I can do the spd (sex pile driver) from neutral.

This is a good post.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:47

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

ArbitraryC posted:

I got an arcade stick so I can do the spd (sex pile driver) from neutral.

You're doing it wrong, she (and you?) should ride the arcade stick THEN you SPD.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:48

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Pick posted:

didn't the guy who played Raiden in the movie die that way? I don't want to go that way

david carradine?

I also thought he played Raiden, but I just looked it up and it turns out he didn't. Mandela effect'd hard

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:54

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Hot Smart ARYAN Girl posted:

david carradine?

I also thought he played Raiden, but I just looked it up and it turns out he didn't. Mandela effect'd hard

what the gently caress!?

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:56

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Pick posted:

what the gently caress!?

He was Bill in Kill Bill.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 00:58

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Batterypowered7 posted:

He was Bill in Kill Bill.

who cares about that

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:00

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

TIL that if you don't choke people during sex you're vanilla as heck

I feel like there's a kinkiness arms race going on

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:00

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Just lol if you don't beg your partner to choke you to death during coitus

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:05

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Pick posted:

who cares about that

Rude

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:06

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

A stripper gave me a light choke during a lapdance and I laughed it off and dared her to choke me harder. She shifts her weight over her hands and I hear myself make a noise straight out of the cartoons. I'm in a predicament. This definitely feels like a mistake but I can't push her off me and risk getting dumpstered by Bruce Bruce the Abominable Bouncerman. She had the most twisted smile I ever saw and that's how I fell in love with a stripper she riding she rolling she rolling she climbing that pole and I'm in love with a stripper she tripping she playing she playing I'm not going nowhere girl I'm staying

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:07

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Batterypowered7 posted:

Rude

mortal kombat is radical

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:08

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

Elsa posted:

A stripper gave me a light choke during a lapdance and I laughed it off and dared her to choke me harder. She shifts her weight over her hands and I hear myself make a noise straight out of the cartoons. I'm in a predicament. This definitely feels like a mistake but I can't push her off me and risk getting dumpstered by Bruce Bruce the Abominable Bouncerman. She had the most twisted smile I ever saw and that's how I fell in love with a stripper she riding she rolling she rolling she climbing that pole and I'm in love with a stripper she tripping she playing she playing I'm not going nowhere girl I'm staying

This was my favorite Nelly song

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:10

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

Elsa posted:

Maybe if the dude had ripped abs, hit the gym and eat less. You can earn those. I'm not saying it's okay to do things based on lust, but in the interest of keeping things going you could do something in your power to keep the flame going.

I'm overweight as gently caress right now and I haven't seen my abs since 2013.

lmao

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:14

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

zakharov posted:

TIL that if you don't choke people during sex you're vanilla as heck

I feel like there's a kinkiness arms race going on

I think this is confirmed given that the new ~hot sex meme~ of the past few years is "relationship in which one partner is semi-permanently roleplaying a small child being sexually abused by their caregiver, the other partner, to the point of developing obvious emotional and cognitive delays and unnerving sexual precocity in the manner of actual chronic child sex abuse victims, but it's okay because cute coloring books and childish euphemisms for semen!!"

(never not kinkshame daddy-dom bullshit, is what I'm saying)

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:15

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Antivehicular posted:

I think this is confirmed given that the new ~hot sex meme~ of the past few years is "relationship in which one partner is semi-permanently roleplaying a small child being sexually abused by their caregiver, the other partner, to the point of developing obvious emotional and cognitive delays and unnerving sexual precocity in the manner of actual chronic child sex abuse victims, but it's okay because cute coloring books and childish euphemisms for semen!!"

(never not kinkshame daddy-dom bullshit, is what I'm saying)

Yeah, I actually think there's a real problem with the... what to even call it, kink treadmill? Like whenever I find that I'm having trouble getting off with relatively benign fantasies, I don't masturbate for a while and then when I'm back it's like, wow, hot people kissing!! *tugs at collar* whoo, it is hot in here, or is it just me...

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:22

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

well actually it's extremely feminist because *barf*

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:26

chumbler: Mar 28, 2010

Back in the day all a man needed was a steady hand and a Sears catalog. The lingerie section was for special occasions. These days the swimsuit issue doesn't even have swimsuits.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:28

RatHat: Dec 31, 2007; A tiny behatted rat👒🐀!

Pick posted:

didn't the guy who played Raiden in the movie die that way? I don't want to go that way

Christopher Lambert? He's still alive.

EDIT: Literally every actor that has played Raiden in a movie or TV show is still alive.

# ? Mar 9, 2017 01:46

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# ? May 31, 2024 23:53

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Pick posted:

ha ha ... yeah... that's weird .....

I hope your skin rugs and bone chandeliers are all legal

# ? Mar 9, 2017 02:15

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