quote:

submitted 5 months ago * by sleepaway32
Hi. So this sucks.

I've been with my fiancé, Ken, for 6 years and engaged for 1. As everyone always says, the relationship is (was?) really good, very happy, he's great and all that jazz.

Except that I'm furious at him and have gently caress all clue what to do right now. I've been having trouble sleeping recently. Ken gets up much earlier than me most days so yesterday I asked if he could do me a favour and bring me a coffee in bed when he got up and made his, basically so the shot of caffeine could force me up and I'd be really tired by the next evening and actually get some proper sleep. He said yes.

Yesterday evening as part of that 'help me sleep' campaign Ken offered to make me some warm milk to drink before bed. I figured it was worth a try and it was sweet offer so I said yes. It tasted kinda nasty and I thought he might have burnt the pan or something, but I didn't want to be rude when he was trying to do a nice thing so drank it and didn't complain.

Lo and behold, a little while later lying in bed I actually felt quite drowsy, but also a bit nauseous. I got off to sleep an hour or so earlier than I usually manage though so that was good. Obviously the title of my post has given away where this is going.

This morning I got up and we were chatting, and I commented that I was surprised the milk kinda helped, I thought it was a bit of an old wives tale. Ken was really pleased it'd helped and asked if I'd want to try it again. I said maybe, but I'd like to find another way because it also made me feel quite sick, I guessed because I don't usually have a lot of dairy.

Then he just kinda blasé-ly revealed that he'd put a sleeping pill in my milk so perhaps I could just take the pill and not have the milk. I blew up at him. I try not to raise my voice in arguments and always be respectful, but honestly I was - still am - loving furious. He argued that it was just an over the counter pill so couldn't have been dangerous, I'd asked for his help with this by bringing me coffee and this was additional help, and it worked so why was I so upset? I don't get how he didn't goddamn understand that it's about giving me something in secret, not what it was or what it did to me. He's not a stupid man, I can't believe he needed this explained to him.

Anyway he eventually apologised but I was incredibly angry with him still so I left and am sitting in a coffee shop. He will be going to work soon and won't be back til late this tonight (we both work shifts). I am posting here because I really feel embarrassed to talk to friends/family about it right now.

I guess for reference he's asked me if I wanted to try sleeping pills before, and I said I'd give it a couple of weeks of doing good sleep hygiene and stuff like that and if the insomnia was still bad I'd see my doctor for advice.

I don't know if this is forgivable or what. We're planning our wedding, we have all these life goals together and I love him. If someone had done this six months into a relationship I'd absolutely break up with them, but 6 years seems like a lot to throw away on one mistake. But it's a loving awful mistake. I keep swinging between being furious and then feeling incredibly sad when the thought of breaking up enters my mind. I don't know where to go from here. Is there a way to fix this? Should I try to fix it or did he go to far?

Tl;dr: my fiancé put a sleeping tablet in my milk last night without my permission. He told me this morning. We had a massive argument, he eventually apologised but I walked out anyway because I was so angry. Don't know if I can/should forgive this.

Bubblyblubber posted:

It was just the firewall acting wonky, WE'RE BACK BABY!

chitoryu12 posted:

Is your firewall one of those where you can get around some blocks by using https?

quote:

17 points 50 comments submitted 4 years ago by samsmith2012 to r/relationships

Background: I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and we've had our rough patches but lately our relationship has been getting a lot better. We were in a long distance relationship for the first year and I've recently moved to his town (but we're not living together).

The problem: Our sex life has always been quite good - til last night. He was over at mine and we were getting ready for bed when i saw him take a pill and knock it back with a glass of water. I asked what it was a few times until he finally told me - Kamagra, which after some research, I found out is just another name for Viagra.

I was shocked, upset and confused - he's never seemed to have a problem with getting it up before. He seems to enjoy sex and always finishes. He said a guy on his football team bought it online and gave him a few to try with me (saying it was amazing and he had to give it a go). He said that was only the second time he'd taken one - the first time was a couple of months ago, and that it made him rock hard, but that he hadn't taken it since and only took it last night as he'd found it in an old chest of drawers.

He said he doesn't need it and doesn't have any issues in terms of attraction to me/keeping an erection but says it helps when he's tired. I asked what he knew about the drug and he said it was all natural and a milder version of Viagra - it's obviously not. He doesn't know how legit it is, either, seeing as his friend bought it online.

He's convinced that it's fine to use it recreationally and I'm worried he'll end up becoming dependent on it. He also seems to think it's fine to ingest drugs off the internet without any real knowledge of ingredients or possible effects and likened it to lube. I find it hard to not judge him on this - the guy will suffer sports injuries without painkillers as he doesn't want to "rely on them" but he'll mess with random sex pills?

I want him to realise it's risky to mess with tablets like this and that it could become a detrimental factor in our relationship. I want him to speak to a doctor about it so he realises it's not minor as he thinks it is.

I couldn't help but take it personally, too - I'm not exactly in love with my body and this makes me feel pretty low. And I don't know if I'll be able to enjoy sex with him in the future without thinking it's all down to a pill.

Anyone else been in this situation? I'm too embarrassed to talk to my friends about this and while I don't feel like it's something to break up over, it's another bit of baggage that I could do without. Also slightly worries that he's not being honest about how often he's taken these tablets before but I've never seen him take one before.

TL;DR My boyfriend has taken a couple of Viagra tablets to enhance sex with me a couple of times without telling me - they were bought online by his friend and he thinks it's okay to use them casually. He says he doesn't need them but doesn't see the harm in taking them. Help??

Bubblyblubber posted:

It was just the firewall acting wonky, WE'RE BACK BABY!

Me [28F] with my fiancé [29M], together 6 years, last night he secretly gave me a sleeping pill Relationships

Bubblyblubber posted:

Nah, it's just lovely and sometimes throws a fit for no reason. There are no actual blocks on the sites I wasn't being able to access, it was even blocking wikipedia earlier today.

Anyway, sexy pills for sexy times:

I [26f] have just found out my bf [26m] has been using sex pills.

quote:

1,196 points 263 comments submitted 5 months ago by Iamnotcrazymmk to r/relationships
I have a well controlled mental condition that I am very private about. I take two separate medications twice a day (every 12 hours) and for the most part it does not affect my daily life. Luckily I have a fantastic doctor who worked with me to experiment with medications until I found a combination that worked for me with minimal side effects. I'm just saying this to demonstrate that this is not a significant issue in my life anymore and it is not necessary for many people to know.

I started dating my boyfriend almost a year ago and he has been great, just a little dopey. He is not a subtle person and can't keep a secret to save his life. So even though I told him before we started dating that I have this condition that is well controlled and I don't really like people to know about it, he went ahead and told his parents. I was pissed but told him not to tell anyone else and we got through it.

Well last weekend we went to a friend his' party and while they all got drunk, I sipped on a soda. Many of his friends were concerned that I wasn't drinking and kept saying stuff like: "it's ok that you're underage. You can still have a beer. Want me to make you a cocktail?" I was starting to become uncomfortable with the comments when my boyfriend, in his infinite wisdom, decides to announce: "Oh she's not drinking because it affects her medication." Okay..well now I'm pretty pissed but whatever, no one really mentioned it further.

Well then a little but later my alarm goes off and my boyfriend, who is drunk by now, literally yells to me: "Hey babe, it's time to take your crazy pills." He turns to the other people and goes, "yeah she has (condition) and has to take pills for it." I just stared at him.

I could not believe that he would do this to me. I just met some of these people and now they all know something incredibly personal about me that is nobody's drat business! I hate, I hate the way people treat me after they find out. Like I'm unhinged or damaged or something. I don't want anybody's pity. Its loving well controlled for christs sake!

I grabbed his keys and went to the car, and he followed me, asking what was wrong. I didn't say anything, just drove us home and I haven't really talked to him since even though he's been apologizing profusely. Is this something I can even forgive him for? Should I? What should I do here? Seriously I'm so upset and angry. He had no right.

tl;dr: My boyfriend announced my private mental condition to a party full of his friends. I'm considering leaving him.

Edit: We broke up.

Wow I didn't think this was going to blow up like this! Thank you everyone who posted. I'm trying to respond to everyone but there's so many!

Bubblyblubber posted:

It was just the firewall acting wonky, WE'RE BACK BABY!

Me [28F] with my fiancé [29M], together 6 years, last night he secretly gave me a sleeping pill Relationships

Andrast posted:

American doctors sound really lovely

Pvt.Scott posted:

We don't actually see doctors, we see nurses. Doctors come later. My primary care provider is a "I swear I'm almost a doctor" nurse.

She's been pretty competent!

Bubblyblubber posted:

Crazy pills for people that went crazy (from dating a moron)

My [20F] boyfriend [23M] announced my mental condition to a party full of people against my will, should I leave him? Relationships


Yaaay good for her

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I don't think my PCP has ever been a nurse, it's just a series of doctors who don't even look at me and will go along with whatever I say I think is wrong with me or, in the absence of a specific self-diagnosis, say I'm probably fine

it usually takes like 3-4 years to actually get treated for something

Bubblyblubber posted:

Crazy pills for people that went crazy (from dating a moron)

My [20F] boyfriend [23M] announced my mental condition to a party full of people against my will, should I leave him? Relationships


Yaaay good for her

Serephina posted:

Wedding disasters are the best! btw which reddit are you using for those?

Mirthless posted:

you loving dickhead




WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK THIS???

food court bailiff posted:

Lady should buy some melatonin pills and get her sleep cycle back to normal regardless of what her shithead fiance did.

Don't dose people without their consent.

quote:

the other day i was in the gym and some redhaird girl was talking to me and i had a huge urge to flirt. i dident but i Dont want to be this monster of a man.

Mirthless posted:

Ambien was a game changer for me

Mirthless posted:

Melatonin will gently caress the poo poo out of your ability to sleep naturally in the amounts it comes in OTC

The actual dose of Melatonin you should take is about 1/8th of a pill

Mirthless posted:

Melatonin will gently caress the poo poo out of your ability to sleep naturally in the amounts it comes in OTC

The actual dose of Melatonin you should take is about 1/8th of a pill

Her boyfriend is an rear end in a top hat but she really should be taking a sleep aid, insomnia is not good. Ambien was a game changer for me, I know not everyone can be trusted with it but it really does work

Pick posted:

quote:

He even said, "If you force me to go against science, we'll break up."

Mirthless posted:

Melatonin will gently caress the poo poo out of your ability to sleep naturally in the amounts it comes in OTC

The actual dose of Melatonin you should take is about 1/8th of a pill

Her boyfriend is an rear end in a top hat but she really should be taking a sleep aid, insomnia is not good. Ambien was a game changer for me, I know not everyone can be trusted with it but it really does work

Lian posted:

What a douche move to do that. Being drunk is no excuse, glad she is leaving him and we arent reading about how sweet he normally is etc

quote:

I'm dating this guy who is absolutely incredible. I've never been taken care of like this before. He's incredibly driven, super fun, a complete gentlemen, sexy... he's really just a total package.

He makes me really happy, but I have this nagging feeling in my heart that he and my sister would be perfect for each other. Her hustle is just as strong as his. She's very positive like him, she's a natural leader like he is, they're both passionate about animals and they both dream of traveling. They're both incredibly thoughtful people who are very kind and very strong. I just have this feeling that they could make eachother happy for a lifetime, whereas with me, I'm dating him and trying it out, but I don't feel like we're soul mates or anything - we just treat each other very well and make each other happy.

My sister is in a longterm relationship that is incredibly healthy and functional... but I've always thought there was some deeper element missing. Her boyfriend is an amazing guy and would honestly make any woman happy, but I don't think he matches her drive and curiosity and overall thoughtfulness.

One thing I'd like to note, the only other boyfriend I've had... I had this same feeling with, but it was over really shallow stuff, like they both like science lol. But it drove me crazy and I was very jealous.

So, level-headed strangers, please - am I being crazy? Am I sensing something real? Do I do anything about it or do I put this thought to rest? I obviously can't talk about this with anyone because it sounds just... weird. So what is your impression of the situation based on that tidbit of information? Thank you guys!!

TLDR: I think my boyfriend and sister could make each other happy for a lifetime.

Straight White Shark posted:

Melatonin doses vary pretty wildly since it's regulated as a supplement, I've seen anywhere from 1-10mg. But yeah, it's not really supposed to be taken on an ongoing basis, just as a temporary reset button when your sleep schedule is off.

EDIT: did you edit your post about the dangers of melatonin to add a suggestion for loving Ambien?

food court bailiff posted:

It will if you take it regularly, yeah, but if your sleep cycle is already hosed taking a pill one or two nights in a row is enough to get it back on track. I'm actually laughing out loud a little here that you're disparaging melatonin for its side effects and then going on to suggest ambien, like, drat.

e:f,b

WampaLord posted:

Ah, that explains your posting.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Do I (24f) set up my boyfriend (23m) and my sister (21f)?

Mirthless posted:

I've only posted on ambien in this thread one or two times ever, shoosh

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Do I (24f) set up my boyfriend (23m) and my sister (21f)?

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Do I (24f) set up my boyfriend (23m) and my sister (21f)?

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Do I (24f) set up my boyfriend (23m) and my sister (21f)?

WampaLord posted:

Ah, that explains your posting.

Straight White Shark posted:

That you know of

Pvt.Scott posted:

Trazodone, brah.

quote:

Don't be a stupid eighteen year old like I was many moons ago. I was young, and in love. I dated a guy from sixteen to nineteen and we were actually engaged. Things fell through. College changed one of us and having no motivation kept one of us in the same place. However, when I was eighteen, we got each other's names tattooed on our wrists. A small tattoo, about the size of a fun sized candy bar.

Fast forward.

A year ago, I met a guy through a friend. He was a rather devout Christian in that non-judgey, actually loving person sort of way. I'm not opposed to it, and I enjoy how loving he is. He volunteers constantly, and shows everyone he encounters kindness. I've tip toed into his lifestyle because I feel like I need more in my own life. We started dating, and things got serious gradually (as far as a "no sex before marriage" serious relationship can go.) He's never seen me naked. We've never showered together. I don't think he's even seen me in a bikini?

So, about that tattoo.

Boyfriend-thing doesn't know I have it. See, I was a dancer in university and as a part of our "dance outfits" we had to cover any visible tattoos. So, I always covered it up. And then I got a professional office job and had to keep it covered too. So essentially, every day it's covered.

Out of the blue, current boyfriend proposes to me. It's genuine, it's thought out. He's got a real ring, a real speech and was sincere. He'd thought it through. I was completely taken off guard and didn't know what to say.

I feel terrible about it, but I told him "I'll have to really think about it because I want to be sure I can be the kind of wife you need and deserve." He was understanding, but I think that his one time shot moment was ruined. He seems very hurt about it and I am scared I ruined a chance of a future with him. He knows that I was previously engaged, am not a virgin, but he doesn't know about that little black mark on my left wrist.

Do I tell him? - If so, how do I tell him? What's the best way?
Do I quietly try to get it removed, or covered? What's the best way to legitimately do this?
Do I just continue to slather cover up on my wrist day in and day out for the rest of my days?
tl;dr: I tattooed a previous boyfriend's name on my wrist when we were dating. Started dating a new guy a few years later - very Christian, so he's never seen me naked and we've never been intimate. He doesn't know I have this tattoo because I cover it up religiously. He proposed. Halp.

I Was The Fury posted:

Me [24 F] with my boyfriend-thing [25 M] proposed; he doesn't know I have an ex's name tattooed on my wrist.


Boyfriend-thing is also how I refer to the one I'm in love with

I Was The Fury posted:

Me [24 F] with my boyfriend-thing [25 M] proposed; he doesn't know I have an ex's name tattooed on my wrist.


Boyfriend-thing is also how I refer to the one I'm in love with