Pick posted:

http://i.imgur.com/XAFUEfs.mp4

Eponine posted:

If you are at a point where you don't trust that your wife's baby is yours, just leave and pay the child support once you get the paternity test, because your marriage isn't going to last much longer anyways.

Psycho Society posted:

Not that I think this is a rational thing to worry about. Don't put a ring on a girl you suspect would ever go behind your back and you won't have this problem.

gentle pete posted:

I'm [22F] really interested in animal gore and my bf [22M] is concerned. Should I stop looking at it?

So, I will explain what I mean by animal gore. Basically, anything on the nature is metal sub is what I like seeing. Ive never had any interest in seeing humans getting hurt/killed, or seeing violence between humans and animals. My big interest is seeing how violent animals are with each other. So lions, killer whales ect. I like seeing bugs/insects fight too because they're such weird animals.

So, I sent him a video of a bunch of chimps beating up a raccoon in a zoo. I thought it was funny/interesting because the chimps were punching it and that's such a human thing to do.

Bf was super unamused and told me that's terrible and to not show him things like that. I apologized because I didn't mean to upset him, and I thought it was over.

Later today I let him amuse himself on my phone since he forgot his at home, while I was on my laptop. So apparently he saw lots of recommended videos that were basically either nature shows or short clips of animals mutilating each other. Like, a crocodile taking a zebras leg off. Things like that. My recommended vids are 50% animal stuff and 50% makeup videos.

So Bf is very upset by all of this and he tells me it's abnormal to watch this stuff. I know it's abnormal but he obviously meant it's wrong and I never considered if it was wrong to watch these things or not. I figured nature is nature, it's okay to watch nature. But bf is pretty solid on his position that's it's morally questionable and that I should probably stop.

So, should I stop? I've never had any urges to hurt a living person/animal, or to see animals like cats and dogs get hurt. I just like seeing the things that happen in nature. But I get what he's saying, it's weird that I like to see it at all. So, thoughts?

Tl;dr: I like seeing animals fight, bf says it's morally questionable and I need to stop. Wondering if he does have a point.

gentle pete posted:

Tl;dr: I like seeing animals fight, bf says it's morally questionable and I need to stop. Wondering if he does have a point.

ArbitraryC posted:

Absolutely no one empathizes with the literal teenage girl who's brother's wife genuinely hates her but puts on a display of being nice to make it all her problem? That's basically the plot of a lifetime original right there.

gentle pete posted:

Mr. Belding posted:

What's to empathize with? Someone whom she is socially obligated to remain on good terms with is superficially kind to her and she never reciprocated that kindness. This person finds that annoying and writes about it in a diary which her husband reads without permission m. There are two rude parties in the story and neither is the wife.

gentle pete posted:

I'm [22F] really interested in animal gore and my bf [22M] is concerned. Should I stop looking at it?

Danaru posted:

Yeah I give this lady five years before she's chasing teenagers through the woods with an axe and a mask

ArbitraryC posted:

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

everyone's siblings date and get hitched, very few people react by sulking in their room and being pointlessly crappy to everyone around them into adulthood. Those people are shitbirds.

ArbitraryC posted:

right and most adults don't spend their time writing in their private diary trashtalking a teen's performance in school either, there's a reason the husband found it offputting

Psycho Society posted:

Why would you talk to someone for months over a dating service and be "falling in love" with them before meeting up for coffee. Something doesn't add up

Batterypowered7 posted:

Have you never watched an episode of Catfish? There was one where a dude was convinced he was dating Katy Perry and that she was leaving him secret messages in her songs. He was going to propose to her with his grandmother's heirloom ring or some poo poo. People will believe just about anything if they're lonely enough.

https://youtu.be/ObspgOKgfuQ

ArbitraryC posted:

right and most adults don't spend their time writing in their private diary trashtalking a teen's performance in school either, there's a reason the husband found it offputting. It's a chicken or egg question, the gf/now wife obviously hates the sister how early on did the sister realize this and to what extent is her passive aggressive behavior a response to it.

Streak posted:

lol yeah its totally normal to talk poo poo about someone you are outwardly trying to help in your secret little journal. totally normal.

CharlestheHammer posted:

He's right yeah, I am sorry you have never interacted with people before.

Streak posted:

lol yeah its totally normal to talk poo poo about someone you are outwardly trying to help in your secret little journal. totally normal.

Mirthless posted:

come on, dude

it's not wrong to have unvoiced negative feelings about people you deal with on a regular basis. at least she's keeping it to a diary. I tell my wife how much I hate her rear end in a top hat brother all the time.

most adults don't have diaries and many that do keep them for therapeutic reasons, either as suggested by a therapist or for personal reasons. it's one of the most extreme invasions of privacy you can engage in. it's absolutely unacceptable.

ArbitraryC posted:

Look, I have disliked the siblings/family of people I have dated in the past. It's normal and it happens, I don't start a diary documenting their failures.

ArbitraryC posted:

Look, I have disliked the siblings/family of people I have dated in the past. It's normal and it happens, I don't start a diary documenting their failures.

Mirthless posted:

yeah, it's completely normal. It's a standard therapy technique. I gaurantee you at least one person in your life is bitching about you in their "secret little journal"*, too

the whole point of a private journal is it's absolute privacy. what they write in there is nobody's business but their own. They're words that may as well have never been written because they're never intended to be read, except possibly in the context of therapy.


* edit: just wanted to take a minute to point out how loving absurd the phrase "secret little journal" is, wow you are some kind of insecure, dude

ArbitraryC posted:

Look, I have disliked the siblings/family of people I have dated in the past. It's normal and it happens, I don't start a diary documenting their failures.

Streak posted:

um, actually, talking poo poo about people you are maintaining the appearance of helping in a book that nobody reads is healthy behaviour!!

Mirthless posted:

Yeah, it is healthy behavior, it's one of the key methods pushed in modern therapy for dealing with your emotional load. It's supposed to be a thought exercise, you get your words out on paper, that way you can go back and look at them later and look at what you wrote when you're in a more clinical mindset.

It's recommended by most therapists doing CBT and DBT now. If your S/O is in therapy, they probably have a diary full of lovely little things about you or your family, too. You're violating their emotional and in many cases medical privacy when you are invading a space like a diary. She is entitled to feel however she wants and she is entitled to maintain a private space for her to voice those feelings to herself. You are not entitled to your partner's emotional infidelity. You are not entitled to your partner's coping mechanisms. You are not entitled to police their thoughts.

Streak posted:

haha you said load

quote:

So a 15 yr old hit me up on Fb. I spoke to her cause honestly I didn't think she was 15. She looks my age.
So yeah after a couple chats she eventually told me her age and some stories about her in school and I ended up giving her some advice on how to handle her problems and stuff cause I could see she was making pretty common mistakes that she could avoid.
Well she is falling for me but I really want to explain her it can't happen because of the age gap between us, but I don't want to be rude or crush her and I totally don't know how to do it.
tl;dr: I need to tell a 15 year old I can't date her because of our age gap without hurting her feelings or being rude.
EDIT: Well I answered her last text that asked me to meet her, with a simple "Sorry, but that is out of question because of our age gap. It wouldn't be right, wish you the best."

Antivehicular posted:

If I really hated myself, I'd go compare sides on "wife keeps a secret diary about how she's not comfortable with my clearly mentally ill sister" vs. "wife keeps a secret diary about her fantasies of torturing every woman I have ever been on contact with," but I don't, so have a brief palate-cleanser instead:

How do I (21M) tell this girl (15F) that I am too old for her?Personal issues
submitted 11 hours ago * by Yodasson


Someone makes an extremely common-sense correct decision about an age-gap relationship? On Reddit? It's a loving miracle

quote:

Thowaway account.
My fiancé (27, M) and I (27,F) have known each other for twelve years. Our love story is one of those cute ones where we met as teenagers, but it was never a convenient time to get together. We were always with someone else, or lived too far away from each other. We were together for a year and a half after he broke up with his ex the first time. We broke up because our families were putting pressure on us from both sides to end it. For us it was always 'right person, wrong' time, etc. And it always felt like no one wanted us to be together aside from the two of us. His parents wanted him to marry his ex, and my parents were just abusive in general. Not a good situation.
My fiancé's first marriage lasted five months before he filed for a no fault divorce. He married a borderline girl that he had been supporting on and off for four years. They had long stretches of time where they were broken up. During those times, she would make threats about hurting herself, or sometimes say she was pregnant. When he wanted to leave, his parents told him to suck it up and be a man. She never held a job, didn't contribute to finances, didn't have a driver's license, and refused to contribute to household chores. They also didn't have a sex life, and she often told him that he was a monster for watching porn. She would not let him attend his hobby meetings but also didn't want him to have friends. On the weekends he wasn't allowed to leave home without him, because she would get lonely. One time at a Christmas function for his work, she refused to shake his female coworkers' hands because she said they smiled too much at him.
He said that the relationship had been miserable, but he hoped that things would get better if they got married. He had supported her for so long, it would be a waste of time if he didn't. He made a mental list of things that needed to be different for them if they got married, and she agreed to everything. He thought that would be a wake-up call for her to start growing up. He also wanted children badly and he felt like he was running out of time. She didn't want kids, but agreed that she would give him one if it was necessary. He told me he felt a tremendous amount of pressure from his very traditional family to marry and start a family. Even thought he was only 26, he said he thought the clock was ticking.
My fiancé is a people pleaser. He really thought that if he gave his ex whatever she wanted, then things would be fine. He let her pick whatever rings out she wanted, and planned a pretty impressive proposal. They had a huge wedding at a yacht club. She had one wedding dress and one reception dress that were over 6k by themselves. (He says she cried at the bridal store when she was told to pick one.) She had a lot of custom made things, and a very costly plated reception. She had everything she asked for.
After all of that, it lasted five months. The divorce was messy. Getting divorced for her meant that she would have to get a job, and provide for herself. I feel like my fiancé should have put his foot down from the beginning, but he said he felt sorry for her. He feels responsible that she has a sort of "learned helplessness" stemming from the lifestyle he gave her. I grumbled about it, because this girl is a 25 year old spoiled brat that is upset that she lost her meal ticket. But ultimately, it wasn't my marriage or my divorce, and not my business.
After they separated, we got back together. Our relationship got back to being serious and it was great. He asked me to marry him a month ago. I was showing him this shop window with a model of Buckingham Palace in it. (I'm a British American) And he just got down on his knee there. He said he would have rather taken me back to England, but this would have to suffice. It seemed like a spontaneous thing, because he didn't have a ring and we were on an empty street. But I still thought it was really cute.
As time is going on I'm having a lot of anxiety about being the second wife. I think about how much he tried to please his ex, and their beautiful wedding. We actually are planning on eloping to his home county, because I went no contact with my family and his is upset about the divorce. But any wedding we have is going to be tiny. The legal stuff will take place in a court house. There won't be any big dresses or photographers, or any of the regular stuff you would expect. We aren't having a reception, because there would be no one to invite. His family is still bitter about the first wedding they paid for and subsequent divorce. Money is really tight, because the divorce was costly. He also doesn't really want to go through all of the wedding planning stuff, since his first wedding took place only 18 months ago. Been there, done that.
But I haven't. This is my first wedding. I've never had the experience of being a bride. Unfortunately, I have a pretty crap family that wouldn't want to be involved anyway. But I can't help catching myself feeling jealous of his first wife. She had all of the support in the world. He and his family paid for everything. Whenever she cried or complained, things were changed to accommodate what she wanted. My fiancé said he thought it was going to be fun planning a wedding, but it was awful for him because she made everything so difficult. He says that he would never want to go through something like that again.
I don't need a big wedding. I cut my abusive, racist family off, and they wouldn't approve anyway. I don't really have friends that I would want to invite anywhere. We agreed that we would just get legal stuff done here and have a "weddingmoon" just the two of us. And that's great, totally fine. But I feel like my fiancé doesn't really understand some of the anxiety I have.
First of all, I really worry that our wedding will not be as special to him as his first one was. He reassured me that it would be more special because he is marrying me for love and nothing else. But sometimes I just wonder how anything we would have would compare. I do work 50-60 hours a week. So even though I'm sure I could put something together on my own, I feel like I'm fighting for things that he would have given his ex without a thought.
I also am kind of sad about the whole experience of being a bride. He has expenses left from both his wedding and his divorce. Neither of those things were under my control, but because of it, we still have to save up for the cost to cover our 5k weddingmoon. Next week we are going to pick up the ring I picked out. It's a really beautiful antique, and I appreciate that he let me pick out a $1200 ring, which was way more than we wanted to spend. But now I am starting to look at dresses and I'm not sure what to do with myself. I look at other girls in the bridal shop trying on dresses and I just get so jealous that they are getting the full experience. I'm supposed to be a bride just like them...but I can't relate to their chatter about the excitement of planning a big day.
I know I sound petty about this. I don't care how much our wedding costs. I just want to have a "special day" like any other girl would. My past I've been dreaming about my wedding since I was a little girl. It's the process that goes into the planning. An he has already been through all of it. I feel guilty for doing things like looking for dresses or flowers online.
I know I have to get some sort of help because when I drink occasionally I get really sad about the whole thing. It comes out and my fiancé gets frustrated. He says that I knew what I was getting into, and he doesn't know what to say to reassure me. He knows it's not anyone's fault that our wedding will not be exactly what we were expecting, but I feel like I'm sacrificing certain things because of his first marriage.
I'm kind of a mess mentally. Does anyone have some advice?
Edit::: Thanks everyone for your responses so far. Reading your comments reminded me of something that I forgot to put in here. My fiance is really excited to be engaged to me. But he has gotten into this habit of calling me his "wife" already. Because he thought things would be really awkward at work, he just acts like he got married last year to me. As if it was our wedding. I know he feels like he isn't doing any harm by saving face, but sometimes I really think he wants to believe there was no first wife. Last night I was drinking and really let him know that I was NOT okay with him thinking that he has just had one "continuous" marriage. We have had issues recently where I have met his co-workers, who he used to complain to about his ex wife. They told him they were surprised at how nice I was considering the stories he had told them after his wedding. Obviously, they don't know he has had two different "wives." I get that he doesn't think people will think highly of them as a boss if they realize that he's actually on marriage number two, but I'm not her. We didn't get married or have a wedding together. And I don't feel like it's fair to pretend it was me the whole time. It wasn't. Even though he says that he really wished it was me even on the day of his wedding. So, that was my latest issue. But you guys are right. His experiences are not mine, and I'm trying to make that point.
TL;DR: Fiance had a quickie marriage and divorce not too long ago. It's affecting the way I am thinking about our wedding plans.

quote:

We didn't do anything for Christmas or Valentine's Day. His reasoning is he "sees me on an equal level."

Pick posted:

Yeah that's super unfair. It's not her fault some other woman was crap.

Antivehicular posted:

I would probably be out the door at the point that it became clear he was happy to let me inherit the "crazy bitch (Fiance) is always complaining about" mantle from his ex in his coworkers' minds