Elsa posted:

chumbler posted:

I'm not an r/childfree type of person (though likely will never end up having kids) and understand that people who have kids certainly have a rougher time of it, but yeah it's hard to not feel a little bit of resentment when the general atmosphere of American work culture is that not having kids basically means your time doesn't matter and you never have a good excuse to take time off or not be constantly working. That's not to say the culture is on the whole really any friendlier to parents (particularly mothers), but it's still a hard emotion to shake off.

On a side note, apparently there was a court ruling in New York that affirmed custody for all of a kid's three lesbian mothers. The poly future is near.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

quit posting forever

quote:

TL;DR: I'm a 32 year old guy. I just a met a 21 year old woman whom I am extremely infatuated with. I want to ask her out but am conflicted because of the age difference. Is 32 too old to date a 21 year old? Especially interested in hearing from people who have found themselves in a similar situation. Thanks!
I'm new to this subreddit and using a throwaway account for anonymity. Hoping you guys have some good advice though!

quote:

Recently discovered $350 had been transferred from my (35/m) checking account into her (33/f) account. While both names are on both accounts, we use our own exclusively. I feel like my wife is stealing from me.
There's been no mention of her needing money; all she pays for is her shopping and the kids clothes. I pay the mortgage, all the utilities, insurance, medical bills, food, and car payments.
We split finances because it almost lead to divorce 8 years ago. This isn't the first or fourth time; am I wrong for feeling like this?
(TL:DR) is my wife stealing from me?

Machai posted:

Can a 32 year old guy date a 21 year old woman?


All of the anecdotes in the comments say no, but he still is thinking about it.

Enfys posted:

It is pretty weird to bring your toddler to a drug dealer's house though.

Machai posted:

Why would you have both names on both accounts if you "exclusively" use only your own?

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

I dunno, I'm not R/childfree but I get pretty annoyed when my coworkers take off repeatedly for reasons involving their children and I have to cover for them.

I am, however, getting promoted after two months at a new job so it's not like your reliability will go unnoticed forever.

PleasingFungus posted:

elsa's been planning to go to SE asia to get a docile, submissive asian wife.


gotta do your research first!

VanSandman posted:

Bollywood sucks and people who demand a dance number in every movie are wrong.

quote:

Hi, this is embarrasing.

We've been together for 4 years, have a couple of kids, and are doing fine, just fyi.

My wife went for a haircut like 8 months ago and was embarrased to find out she had lice and they wouldn't cut her hair. We assumed she got it from a friend's daughter who we hadn't seen in months since she had lice and would stay over often and even gave it to our son. We used those lice combs and treatments a few times but my wife has very long and fine hair so we missed some and accomplished virtually nothing.

Now I'm not upset because we've been unsuccessful. I'm upset because in the last six months, my wife has not attempted any treatment at all. She has been completely ignoring the problem and gets annoyed at me when I bring it up. She /always/ has an excuse ready for why she can't do anything about it at the moment and has probably set at least a dozen dates where she says she'll set time aside to handle it but something always comes up or she just forgets. Last week, she called a service that treats lice but didn't get a call back and never followed up. Now she says she'll call again next week because she doesn't have any money.

I don't want to lose my family over such a seemingly stupid issue but I really just never saw myself married to someone who lacks the resolve to get rid of a bug infestation in their own hair. It's disgusting, it is a turn-off, it's selfish (she'll give it to me or my kids eventually), and it is indicative of a much larger character flaw that I can't quite put my finger on.

Even aside from all of that, the everyday nuissance of having bugs in her hair is very irritating. We can't spoon, she can't get a haircut even though she desperately needs one, she'll put her head on mine without thinking during sex and it will completely ruin the mood for me, etc.

The worst thing is that she's super insecure about it and also acts like nothing is really wrong since she's getting it taken care of soon. But she's been acting like this for over 6 months and still treats me like I'm being an rear end if I bring it up. She reacts like I'm making a jab at her looks or her weight. I'm extremely confident at this point that if I were to just ignore the issue and let her handle it in her own time (like I was doing for months) that this might possibly never be resolved.

Unless people here convince me it's a stupid idea, I'm probably going to show her this. I've tried talking to her about it but it doesn't accomplish anything and she just immediately gets irritated and changes the subject.

EDIT: There is a lot of misinformation about lice here. Keep these facts in mind before adding to the problem:

Lice only survive off of the host for like a day.

Lice can't jump or fly.

Lice don't carry diseases.

Pets can't get lice.

I 100% do not have lice and neither do my kids so please stop telling me we do.

tl;dr: Wife has lice but doesn't do anything about it. It's embarrasing and is making me question what kind of person I am spending the rest of my life with.

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

My (25m) wife (26f) has had lice for almost a year. How to handle this?

VanSandman posted:

DON'T POST THE GIF, PICK! DON'T YOU DO IT!

Das Boo posted:

When I was ten, like the entire school had lice. Due to our location (aforementioned Bangladesh), we didn't have access to Riddex or whatever. My mom did a thing where you slather your head with mayo and vinegar, wrap your scalp in plastic wrap and leave it on for like 8-10 hours to smother them. It worked and my hair was fuckin' lush.
And then at the end of the year, the teachers put on a play and made fun of us all for getting lice.

p rude posted:

Hoo boy. How'd that smell after 8-10 hours?

quote:

submitted 10 months ago * by rivalthrowaway

Using throwaway because I'm very active on my main.

I will try to be as brief as I can, while still providing a good amount of detail.

I met my future wife, Katie, when we were both 15 years old. We started dating in 9th grade. We were each others first for everything. By the start of 11th grade we were still together, but fighting a decent amount so we decided to break up. I loved her but I was very curious about dating other girls. We also didn't have a ton in common. I was very into skateboarding and punk rock, while she was into choir/plays/musicals.

We went no contact (or as much as you can go no contact in a medium sized high school) We both dated other people. I dated another girl for like 6 months, I know she dated some dude for like 10 months. I went on some random dates and had a FWB for a while. Met lots of cool girls, nothing really clicked like it had with Katie.

Katie's rival in high school was Nikki. Her and Nikki always seemed to be auditioning for the same parts in plays/musicals and for the same choir solos. They did NOT get along. They always seemed to be staring daggers at each other. Katie was pretty vocal about hating Nikki while we were together.

Anyways, a couple weeks before senior year I'm at a party and who should I run into but Nikki. Now I haven't talked to Nikki since like 4th grade, we have no friends in common and no activities in common. But this girl makes a beeline for me and starts aggressively flirting. I should mention here that Nikki was hot. Like the kid of hot that is associated with 'don't stick your dick in crazy' type of hot. There were rumors that after she had a fallout with a couple of her friends, Nikki had seduced their boyfriends to intentionally cause break ups. I have no idea if there's any truth to that.

I didn't think Katie and I were going to get back together, and this super hot girl is all over me like we're on a porn set. My 17 year old idiot brain of course went for it. Nikki and I proceed to have a one week fling. Then she stops texting and never returns calls. No biggie, fun while it lasted.

Middle of senior year, Katie and I start talking again. Still both have very strong feelings for each other. We get back together. Both of us are super happy and in love. Nikki occasionally gives me some very sneaky evil smiles but never says anything to Katie. We Graduate. Katie goes to college, I start an IT business. We get married, have two amazing kids. My business is going strong. Life is seriously great. I could not be happier.

We have essentially never talked about the 18 month break. We both acknowledge that it something good, it allowed both of us to grow and get some experience but my wife has some mild jealousy issues, so she'd prefer to just gloss over it and I was fine with that. What's in the past, is in the past.

Last week my wife received the invite to our 15 year high school reunion. And guess who's the organizer? Nikki! (my wife even mentioned last week that she still hates Nikki when we got the invite). My wife is very excited to go to the reunion because we didn't have a 5 or 10 year.

Normally I wouldn't even be worrying about this. People grow up, I'm nothing like I was at 17/18. I assumed Nikki had also grown up, or I did until yesterday. I got a text from a number i didn't know but was from my home town. It said "hey you! I'm sooo excited to see you at the reunion. ". I replied "who is this?". I instantly got a response "It's Nikki. Have you missed me? I think about that special week a lot...". I did not reply to that. (also i have NO idea how the gently caress she got my cell number. Its not listed on my business website and I don't have a personal facebook account and we still do not have any friends in common)

I've been losing my mind since then. I don't feel like i did anything wrong 16 years ago, we were broken up and didn't seem like we'd get back together. But I know this will hurt my wife. We both know we were other people during the break but this is someone she flat out hates. She will take this very personally. I don't want to lose my family over something 17 year old me did. I feel like after those text messages I should probably talk to her about this, but I don't know how. Any help or suggestions would be very appreciated. Thank you.

tl;dr - Wife and I dated in high school. Broke up. I had a brief fling with someone she hated. We got back together, and started a life together but never discussed partners during the break up. The rival/hated girl texted me yesterday and is going to be at our class reunion. poo poo meet fan.

Bubblyblubber posted:

Jfc Nikki

I[33/M] slept with my wife's[33/F] hated rival when we were broken up 16 years ago. We've never talked about it. I think it's going to blow up. Class reunion in a month. Help? Relationships

This goddamn tease just replied to some comments and then went dark. It's making it very hard for me to finish to these stories when they never have a crazy update.

WampaLord posted:

Ladies, would you be more mad about this scenario happening, or the same situation but instead it was your best friend the guy hosed instead of your rival?

quote:

submitted 1 year ago * by notamusejustawife

My husband Bill and I have been together 2.5 years. We married a month ago. Before we were together, we both had our share of long-term and short-lived relationships.

Background: His longest relationship was with Diane. They were together for 4 years. Diane graduated college but worked as a stripper. Bill did not mind because she was paying her share of the bills. Diane did hard drugs like cocaine and was an alcoholic. Bill broke up with her. She left the country. Years later, they picked up their relationship for two months before she broke up with him.

I met Bill a few months after this breakup. Bill and I got together and immediately hit it off with sharing the same goals of having a family and building a home together and sharing interests like reading, hiking and playing musical instruments. Bill and I talked about our previous relationships and shared a lot of details of what did or did not work. Our experiences seemed to help us have the perfect relationship where we hardly had any arguments and were able to communicate our needs and wants without criticism or drama. Originally Bill said he would not get married until being with someone for at least 4 years. He said that would be a suitable amount of time to really know someone. But after almost 2 years together, he proposed and we are now married.

Enter the present situation. Diane forwarded me an email that Bill sent her two weeks ago saying he always thinks of and will love her and hopes someday they are together again, like they promised long ago. She wrote a note above the forwarded email saying, “If I were in your position, I would want to know. He also called me a week before the wedding saying that I’m still the one and if there was any possibility we could try again. I thought he just had cold feet so I told him Me and you will be happy together and stay with Me.”

I confronted Bill and he said that he did call her and send the email. But that it was nostalgic and wistful. He had no intention of ruining what we have.

I am heartbroken. I am not sure what I should do. If Diane had said yes, I don’t know if I should believe Bill saying he had no real intentions. I am so upset as well since this woman only caused hell for Bill.

Edit: I set up appointments with 3 attorneys tomorrow. I'm telling Bill to leave the apartment tonight and he can just crash at his friends. He won't disagree. There's not enough keeping me in this marriage since we don't have kids and we don't own any property. Maybe I'll copy Diane and move out of the country for awhile. I have enough savings to do a self-awareness vacation.

TL;DR: My husband’s ex contacted me saying Bill still has feelings for her. Bill says the feelings would never manifest and she is just a muse.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Oh best friend would be far, far more hurtful.

My advice to this guy is deny deny deny. Nikki is lying, and she's got a reason to want to hurt his wife (and is apparently really loving twisted if she's still doing this). Take it to the grave and unless this nutbar has proof, it never happened.

Elsa posted:

quote:

16 points 120 comments submitted 6 years ago by marriagetrouble to r/relationships
Good Lord this is long.

TL;DR::: Husband and Wife are thinking of divorce because wife thinks she got married too young and wants to experience life alone. Husband thinks she's making a mistake and doesn't want divorce, but he is frustrated with her mystery health symptoms and other short-comings as well. Any input?

Written from both husband and wife's perspectives.

Him: 31 (just turned) Her: 26

Married for 3 years and dated 4 years prior to marriage; she was 19 and he was 23 when they began dating, and subsequently living together. She was 23 and he was 27 when they married.
We own two dogs and two cats but do not have children.

So here is the story: Back in 2006 or so the girl wants to get married and talks about how it's her dream to get married and start having children (she's 22 at this point). The guy is hesitant; he wants to keep things as they are and not push things (as they're still quite young!), but in the end proposes to her and they get married and have two really great years together. The wife gets baby fever, and starts wanting to have a baby. The husband doesn't feel this is a good idea and wants to wait a while. He starts warming up the the idea and they decide in 2011 they'll try for a baby. Things are picture perfect.

Summer 2009: Wife goes on solo trip to Europe for 6 weeks. Loves every second of it. Being alone, making every decision on her own, being completely independent is a feeling she had not ever felt before. She has found her true love for traveling-- alone. She comes home and feels depressed. Talks to husband about her deep desire to go back to Europe alone... to live. She says of course she won't do it, but feels a strong desire to do so. Husband is sad and wonders if it was a mistake to be alright with letting wife go off alone like that to Europe.

Wife was faithful to husband in Europe and did not let the sex appeal of European men sway her. The husband and wife have always been 100% faithful.

Two months after getting home from Europe, the wife begins experiencing mysterious health symptoms. She is tired all of the time, has pain all over her body, has tingling/numb extremities, feels like throwing up all of the time. The husband tries to be supportive but doesn't know what to do exactly. He does a lot of the housework and then begins to feel like his hard work is not appreciated. The wife feels like the husband is just trying to avoid her problems-- she schedules all her doctor appointments alone, goes alone, and is sad that her husband isn't interested in being a part of trying to get a diagnosis for her mystery disease. She begins to feel that the husband is more upset about her illness being an inconvenience to his once happy lifestyle rather than being genuinely concerned about her welfare.

Husband thinks a lot of wife's health problems are anxiety or depression. He urges her to try antidepressants or antianxieties. She feels insulted and bothered by this because she says is definitely experiencing physical symptoms. She ignores his request and sees many different doctors with no diagnosis in sight. Husband is frustrated and doesn't know what to do.

In the meantime: Husband and wife adopt a new dog, thinking it will be a new, shared happy experience. three months after adoption, husband accidentally lets dog out of the front door, and the dog is immediately run over. Husband and wife are absolutely devastated. Wife thinks that husband is at fault for not being safe enough. Husband says it's an unfortunate accident that could have happened any time. Wife brings up track record of not being safe enough and starts becoming upset about their future kid's safety. This becomes a very contentious argument: he thinks she is being crazy over-protective, she thinks he is not showing enough effort to change his unsafe ways.

Another situation arises: Wife finds out she is pregnant. Suddenly, relationship is happy and there is love and all looks like it will be fine. Wife miscarries. Husband is very supportive and loving throughout miscarriage. Wife is very sad.

One month later, her health symptoms get even worse; husband gets frustrated because all she does is sit in her recliner all day, playing on the internet. The only fun thing they can do together is watch a movie, because she's become very antisocial and doesn't want to do anything. He's worried she's never going to be the same person again. He doesn't like who she's become. When his frustrations are spoken to her, she cries and says it's because she's ill and feels terrible. How could he be so uncaring, she asks. They fight a lot.

Husband starts new job. Wife starts working-- husband and wife are worried about her being able to do it. Work schedules are very different. When husband works, wife enjoys days alone. She realizes she feels better on days when she's on her own. She eats what she wants, goes where she wants to go, and she actually feels a bit happy. Wife doesn't tell husband this.

Wife is able to function at job. She feels fine when she works, in fact. Most of her symptoms go away now that she is working except for some tingling/burning sensation in her foot. Why is this? She tells husband this. Husband has noticed her improvement and starts wondering why.

Husband starts definitely suspecting depression/anxiety and they go to couple's therapy. Wife's illness is a big subject during therapy session, and husband and wife thought "Meh" to the whole thing. Wife goes back to doctor and gets antianxiety meds even though she doesn't think she needs them.

Wife, with the combination of anti-anxiety meds and spending a great deal of time alone or at work, begins to feel better. Life is looking good again, as long as husband and wife are spending most of their time separate. Husband and wife have serious discussion: Was Europe the cause for all of this? Wife breaks down, cries, and says, "Maybe."

Now, wife thinks that she married too young and married for the wrong reasons. While she was in love, she was actually going through all the motions of what girls do in the Mid-West--they get married and have babies. After going to Europe, she realized she wants to travel and pursue her musical talents. She wants to explore the world and experience many different things on her own. She realizes she doesn't want to be married anymore.

Husband is crushed when she tells him this. Husband has been there trying to support her through her illness (although wife thinks his efforts weren't very good), and he can't believe she'd throw away their 7 years together just because she realizes she doesn't want to be married anymore. After all, she's the one that pressed the issue to get married in the first place. Husband is upset. Wife starts feeling relief.

They decide to think about it silently for a few months; live life normally. They still fight a great deal. Mostly little things. Wife becomes more and more sure about her decision that she doesn't love her husband in the necessary way for marriage anymore. She realizes she's grown up with him, and he's comfortable, but, she begins to realize her mystery illness has been a subconscious expression of her deep unhappiness.

Husband tries to talk sense to her; marriage has ups and downs, and of course we're not going to feel the same "love" feelings. But wife says she just knows she needs to be on her own to be happy. Husband still loves his wife very much and feels like having sex every day. Wife doesn't even feel like having sex with him anymore. She tells husband she hasn't really enjoyed sex with him for the last year at least, but does it to make him happy. Husband is sad.

If divorce happened: Wife would stay in same town for another 8 months and then get a traveling job. She would travel a lot and really focus on creating her music. She would not feel too much sadness.

Husband would stay in the house, stay in the same city and would be depressed for awhile. He would work on his art and music. He has single friends who he could go out with, but he would just not have an easy time of it.

So, arm-chair therapists of Reddit. What is your take on our situation?

We will be going to more marriage counseling before a decision is made. We're both very open and honest with each other. It's a painful situation, and we're really not sure what to make of it. We're each other's first and only true relationship. We had a great first 6 years together, then this 7th year has been the pits. Is it salvageable? What if one-half of the relationship doesn't think she even wants to salvage it? What if she's making a huge mistake? What if he would be happier if they divorced, and he doesn't even know it yet?

Thanks.

*Edited for length. cut out some unnecessary details.

EDIT Wife is going to work. Both husband and wife will read further comments and will possibly continue replying tomorrow. Thank you for the insightful input; it means a lot to us. Wife is feeling more optimistic about keeping marriage intact. Please keep commenting and we'll keep reading.

quote:

Okay so a year ago or so now husband and I got pregnant, we found out in March, gave birth in November. During the pregnancy sex was very painful for me, I asked multiple Doctors about it and was literally just told each time to 'use more lube' - lubrication was not the issue. No one took my concerns seriously and sex made me have a panic attack because although I knew it shouldn't hurt the baby, it felt like it did. So we stopped having sex mid April then didn't at all until this month.

During this time he stopped keeping up with basic hygiene. I don't know if it was 'we're not having sex why bother' or he just didn't think to. But his showers dropped to once a week. Then once every two weeks. Then it was like, I couldn't remember the last time he even had a shower and I recoiled even touching him.

I've told him this. I told him when he goes longer than four days without a shower it's absolutely disgusting to me and I don't even want to touch him. I've told him this as gently and politely as I could, and we've had this discussion at least five times.

I thought maybe it was depression related. He told me before that his parents didn't pay attention to him after age 12 and that he'd go without showering as a way of trying to get their attention, he says the longest he went was three months before they noticed.

So I though maybe the lack of sex while pregnant was making him depressed? But he was so sweet and understanding the whole time, anytime it was mentioned he'd just say 'we have our whole lives to have loads of sex I can handle a few more months so that you're comfortable', and I've tried gently asking if the lack of showers were due to depression and he just says 'ohno I just get too involved in whatever we're doing and forget to'

Now like two weeks ago we successfully had sex after child birth, and it's great, just like before! Except he still won't shower regularly. I'll remind him and sometimes he will, but other times he just kinda looks at me then goes back to what he was doing and doesn't shower.

And I don't get why. I've explained he needs to have a shower at LEAST every fourth day, but I'd prefer he live by 'if I didn't have a shower yesterday I need one today'.

I even tried going a week without showering myself, then when he wanted to get busy but was disgusted when I requested oral because I hadn't showered in so long. I was like NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL. WHY WOULD I WANT TO SUCK YOUR DIRTY DICK? And the thing that turns me on most is bjs, if I don't do it I don't get wet enough to have sex.

I've tried straight up "hey have a shower" and I get a dirty look like I'm a nag.

I've tried suggesting we take a sexy shower together - I specifically went out and bought a thing that splits the water so there can be two showerheads so we both can have water instead of yknow one of us standing there cold. He's turned me down every time I've asked.

Yesterday we were out grocery shopping and I tried to be flirty (I'm not good at it, never have been) and rubbed his leg while suggesting that he should have a shower while I make supper.. He just looked at me but didn't say anything. Then didn't shower when we got home. I asked him in a joking way if he was gonna shower or not later and he just shrugged, then started the baby's bedtime feed. And I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

I know he wants to have sex with me. He tries regularly. And I tell him 'too bad you didn't have a shower today' whenever it's been too long since he had a shower. So how come when I make it blatantly obvious that I want to have sex with him he won't loving shower??

And when I came down for the night feed, there's porn open on his phone (wasn't snooping, we use an app to track babies feed and forgot my phone upstairs so went to enter it on his, we both do this regularly and don't have passwords or mind the other using their phone). So he couldn't have a shower to have sex with me but he could jerk off.

I kind of just lost my poo poo at him on facebook messenger, which isn't really any good but ffs I'm sick of this poo poo. I'm loving sick of it. I told him that, I love him but I am not staying with someone who can't do something as basic as shower regularly. It's disgusting and a turn off, and now the only thing affecting our sex life is HIM and his lack of showering and he needs to loving fix it. The fact that he can't even put in the minimum effort for me and just have a goddamn shower makes me feel like absolute poo poo. If I'm not even worth him having a goddamn shower for why should I be with him?

Like goddamn I just want to love him and gently caress him and suck his goddamn dick why the gently caress can't he loving shower????

tl;dr: My husband seems to have given up on showers. I don't want to gently caress him cause of it. No amount of telling him he needs to shower seems to get through to him. What the gently caress do I do? How the gently caress can I get it through to him that he loving NEEDS TO SHOWER

zakharov posted:

Showers feel good. Being clean feels good. I don't get the shower haters.

WampaLord posted:

It's a depression thing.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

My god, these geniuses are crowdsourcing their marriage

Ouhei posted:

Showers are great, where else would I hold all of my imaginary TED talks?