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VendaGoat posted:
I order all of my gems and powdered gems from ebay, sure I get coloured glass now and again but theres usually enough of the seller's essence rubbed off on the packaging that you can cast a bone melt curse and teach them not to gently caress with you. Who has time to setup and operate a 'Temple of Doom' style slave mine in this day and age, I have selfies to post to my social media for fucks sake.
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Mar 16, 2017 15:04
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, just 
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Lunixnerd posted:I order all of my gems and powdered gems from ebay, sure I get coloured glass now and again but theres usually enough of the seller's essence rubbed off on the packaging that you can cast a bone melt curse and teach them not to gently caress with you. evil wizards today i tell ya  y'all need to spend more time in the ancient library of kar naga zun and less time on magicgram or facetome or whatever you young whippersnappers are posting your soul image on
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Mar 16, 2017 16:15
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Spell components like precious stones get part of their potency by the misery inflicted on those who've dug them out. The tears and pain of forced child labor adds an extra enticement to the summoning and binding of ruinous powers from beyond. Besides, what's the point of being an evil wizard if you pay fair market value of the labor.
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Mar 16, 2017 16:23
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Automatic Slim posted:Spell components like precious stones get part of their potency by the misery inflicted on those who've dug them out. The tears and pain of forced child labor adds an extra enticement to the summoning and binding of ruinous powers from beyond. Besides, what's the point of being an evil wizard if you pay fair market value of the labor. That's not, strictly speaking, true. It is a happy coincidence, though. 
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Mar 16, 2017 17:26
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I had a date over and things went really well until this musclebound douchebag in a loincloth and horned helm broke into my house and kidnapped her. We were going to watch movies and eat popcorn. 
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Mar 17, 2017 12:59
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If a muscle bound idiot somehow got past all the traps there are two options. He has some powerful antimagic stuff and you're lucky to not have lost your temporary form or he is actually a powerful wizard that cross trained into another discipline to gently caress with people like you.
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Mar 17, 2017 14:30
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Screaming Idiot posted:I had a date over and things went really well until this musclebound douchebag in a loincloth and horned helm broke into my house and kidnapped her. Next time just put a really big obvious trap door to your skeleton pit right on the middle of the floor and start "monologuing." I don't know what it is but they just can't help listen to your "evil plan." Make sure you ham it up and get some cackles in there- he'll stop right on top of the fake rug and give you a NAY EVIL DOER THY SHANT PROSPER THIS DAY, FOR 'TIS JUSTICE WHENCE MUST PREVAIL BY MY STRONG ARMS AND SWARTHY- THWAP! (that's a sound effect) AAAAARRRRGH tumble skeletons got 'em
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Mar 17, 2017 18:56
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Don't showboat. Don't grandstand. Don't monologue. The "righteous" hang their hat on some kind of moral argument or big speech justification to BBEGs. Cold, impersonal evil really unnerves crusaders. If you want a flashy end, go Ozymandias, achieve your goal, and tell them they're too late when they storm the castle. Don't get cute. Stay professional. Save that ridiculous laugh after you've reanimated the your enemies soulless corpses. Automatic Slim fucked around with this message at 07:48 on Mar 18, 2017 |
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Mar 17, 2017 22:01
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Automatic Slim posted:Don't showboat. Don't grandstand. Don't monologue. The "righteous" hang their hat on some kind of moral argument or big speech justification to BBEGs. Cold, impersonal evil really unnerves crusaders. If you want a flashy end, go Ozymandias, achieve your goal, and tell them their too late when they storm the castle. No no no you're TRICKING them into THINKING you're monologuing then just pull the trap door lever. I'm at like an 85% success rate it's ridiculous
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Mar 17, 2017 22:08
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Keep your god damned gold in an extra dimensional place and house your dominated dragon in your "Treasure room". You loving NOOBS!
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Mar 17, 2017 22:09
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VendaGoat posted:Keep your god damned gold in an extra dimensional place and house your dominated dragon in your "Treasure room". Or achieve the exact same thing for a fraction of the cost by poisoning your gold and casting an illusion of a dragon on it.
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Mar 17, 2017 22:17
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Look if monologuing is wrong I dont want to be right. A sense of flair and presentation is what seperates us wizards from some assholes who throw fireballs like cigarettes butts. If your gonna get into evil magicry, you gotta have passion. When you obtain that immortality, you gotta keep having fun or living forever is gonna stop losing its allure.
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Mar 17, 2017 22:19
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http://imgur.com/gallery/H8rEx An ancient tome of Evil Strategems as old as the internet itself! Germane to the current line of conversation!   
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Mar 17, 2017 22:24
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Bust Rodd posted:http://imgur.com/gallery/H8rEx What loving cuck wrote this bullshit
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Mar 17, 2017 22:28
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Hihohe posted:Look if monologuing is wrong I dont want to be right. Stick to being a carnival illusionist if you want that much flair and drama. If you want to further your goals of bending the universe to your will act like a professional. All this need for attention reeks of daddy issues (which should've been addressed when you usurped/sacrificed him). "Look at me! Look at me! Let me spell out how clever I am!" All that says is you want to prove to others you're an ingenious mastermind, not actually being one. Automatic Slim fucked around with this message at 23:16 on Mar 17, 2017 |
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Mar 17, 2017 23:14
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jeez guys the only time i ever show up or show off is disguised as an old lady that tells someone a interesting story. thusly sealing their doom.
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Mar 17, 2017 23:41
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Im sorry if a little presentation is "unprofessional" Im sorry I didnt go to a five star loving wizard college and then use powers for evil afterwards like a "good" boy. Some of us were brightest pupils before learning the true power of the Aetherium and were banished for contacting an entity made of Entropy.
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Mar 18, 2017 00:13
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Hihohe posted:Im sorry if a little presentation is "unprofessional" You're a try hard asshat from a fifth rate wizarding college. You probably haven't even made an extra-planar residence yet.
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Mar 18, 2017 01:01
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Hihohe posted:Im sorry if a little presentation is "unprofessional" its not condescension its more yo dooder magical bootstraps, i was a miller ffs.
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Mar 18, 2017 01:05
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Bud K ninja sword posted:its not condescension its more yo dooder magical bootstraps, i was a miller ffs. Hey I'm technically still an "alchemist" and what kind of career is that. It was my frustration living in a rundown old tower failing to make potions that led me down the dark path. Well that and I found the secret trapdoor here in the tower that lead to what is now my skeleton pit. It's hard to believe one tome of "summon skeleton" lead to all this. My pit skeletons have hollowed out most of a mountain at this point; just selling the fill dirt to construction companies alone is worth a fortune
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Mar 18, 2017 04:04
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VendaGoat posted:You're a try hard asshat from a fifth rate wizarding college. Where do you think Zadlernon is from? Arizona? The Entropy realm was rad and is where i get my magic powers of ice. Sure im pretty much a slave to Zadlernon but hes still in a half slumber and is very suggestible so he can craft me a new mortal form if i lose this current one. Boom. Immortality.
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Mar 18, 2017 05:03
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naem posted:Next time just put a really big obvious trap door to your skeleton pit right on the middle of the floor and start "monologuing." No. Don't do this. Forums poster naem is obviously a paladin or cleric. Never monologue. Just kill them. Show, don't tell. Automatic Slim posted:Don't showboat. Don't grandstand. Don't monologue. The "righteous" hang their hat on some kind of moral argument or big speech justification to BBEGs. Cold, impersonal evil really unnerves crusaders. If you want a flashy end, go Ozymandias, achieve your goal, and tell them their too late when they storm the castle. This guy gets it. Hihohe posted:Look if monologuing is wrong I dont want to be right. Look, you can just be an evil bard if you want to showboat. There's no shame in it.
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Mar 18, 2017 05:42
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Anyone else command an army of tiny faefolk? All ya gotta do is feed them pizza. Click here for more wizard tricks they don't want you to know.
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Mar 18, 2017 05:48
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SSH IT ZOMBIE posted:Anyone else command an army of tiny faefolk? All ya gotta do is feed them pizza. Click here for more wizard tricks they don't want you to know. There's gonna be a Price. The Fae have their own set of hosed up Laws. I'm not saying to Keep their Laws, but I'm saying that you may have a hosed up situation on your hands.
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Mar 18, 2017 06:06
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SSH IT ZOMBIE posted:Anyone else command an army of tiny faefolk? All ya gotta do is feed them pizza. Click here for more wizard tricks they don't want you to know. H-Harry??
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Mar 18, 2017 07:06
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SSH IT ZOMBIE posted:Anyone else command an army of tiny faefolk? All ya gotta do is feed them pizza. Click here for more wizard tricks they don't want you to know. I'm no expert on fae physiology but that can't be healthy. Overweight tiny folk with clogged arteries. Unless you're going the idyllic forest with mischievous wee folk you're going to have a health crisis on your hands. Don't fae folk tend to be vegan?
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Mar 18, 2017 07:10
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Leave it to a bunch of goons to make evil wizardry boring. Might as well put on a bunch of suits and join the republican party.
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Mar 18, 2017 08:23
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Hihohe posted:Leave it to a bunch of goons to make evil wizardry boring. Might as well put on a bunch of suits and join the republican party. Hey now, we might be evil wizards actively working toward the destruction of all humankind as punishment for their failing to understand our genius, but we've got some loving standards. Also our hands are too big and none of us have lost money owning a casino as far as I know.
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Mar 18, 2017 09:04
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Automatic Slim posted:I'm no expert on fae physiology but that can't be healthy. Overweight tiny folk with clogged arteries. Unless you're going the idyllic forest with mischievous wee folk you're going to have a health crisis on your hands. Vegan? Those lunatics? Not unless they found a plant that screams as you eat it. You can bribe them with milk and bread (and pizza, I guess, that's bread and dairy product) but sooner or later, they'll want blood and first-born children. C'mon, don't fall for their propaganda. I don't know how that fat bastard up north got them to sit down and actually work, but I'm guessing it's got less to do with cookies and milk and more with some of those naughty-list kids that go missing every year. For the rest of us, well, there's evil, and then there's just plain hosed up. I try to avoid the fae, personally. A wee bit too amoral, and a wee bit too easily bored. Even the little folk. Sure, you can trick them into working for cheap. Then one of those little bastards goes, "Hey, fellas, let's all be Redcaps for a day!" and suddenly all your prisoners have been drained into a big tank and they're using the blood to paint hats.
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Mar 18, 2017 09:55
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Blurry Gray Thing posted:Vegan? Those lunatics? Not unless they found a plant that screams as you eat it. You can bribe them with milk and bread (and pizza, I guess, that's bread and dairy product) but sooner or later, they'll want blood and first-born children. It's true, the Seelie Court fae at least come off as playful and innocent when making such playful "mistakes" They might even apologize if a human corrects them. Summer court fae that have interacted with humans enough can come off as downright cordial. The Unseelie....I hate to use the word evil, as our concepts of morality don't really apply to the fae, it's more about balance and counter balance of natural forces at hand. SSH IT ZOMBIE fucked around with this message at 14:31 on Mar 18, 2017 |
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Mar 18, 2017 14:22
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dont gently caress with the fae yo. dragons are more reliable. and if you dont get that analogy you are already hosed anyway. some things make bargains, fae may, but that doesn't really apply in reality. so hey you want to go be an adventurer or something be my drat guest.
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Mar 18, 2017 14:27
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Uhhh guys I just summoned a pack of wolves to form a death metal band. I kicked them out of the band after one of them poo poo in my boots of healing and how they're scratching at my door and laughing at my wizard hat wh n I walk out in public
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Mar 18, 2017 14:47
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Hihohe posted:Leave it to a bunch of goons to make evil wizardry boring. Might as well put on a bunch of suits and join the republican party. REPUBLICAN WIZARD CHECKING IN IN VAS MANI
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Mar 18, 2017 14:47
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soy posted:REPUBLICAN WIZARD CHECKING IN  In Por Ylem, In Nox, Vas Ort Flam, Corp Por, halberd. 
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Mar 18, 2017 15:03
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Hihohe posted:Leave it to a bunch of goons to make evil wizardry boring. Might as well put on a bunch of suits and join the republican party. Look, when I exploit the poor and weak I'm straight forward about it. When they do it the oppressed actually elect them to do so and then ask for more. Now THAT is powerful sorcery.
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Mar 18, 2017 15:40
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Scary! posted:Uhhh guys I just summoned a pack of wolves to form a death metal band. I kicked them out of the band after one of them poo poo in my boots of healing and how they're scratching at my door and laughing at my wizard hat wh n I walk out in public Magic mouth you're property with screaming at a frequency only canines can hear. Trade that floppy hat for hooded cloak. The young folk are into hoodies.
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Mar 18, 2017 15:45
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Bud K ninja sword posted:
KAL ORT POR *walks into castle* *puts on bear mask* *throws bag of severed heads in chest*
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Mar 18, 2017 17:01
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All the good wizards are taken. 
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Mar 18, 2017 17:45
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Docahedron posted:All the good wizards are taken. Eh, consider an alternative specialty? Mechanical thaumaturgy is still kind of rare.
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Mar 18, 2017 19:18
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I once heard of a wizard so talented at teleportation and sight he warped his lair into the midst of a space opera and turned the tides of a great war.
SSH IT ZOMBIE fucked around with this message at 19:27 on Mar 18, 2017 |
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Mar 18, 2017 19:22
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