/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

I'm the dozens of letters written by renowned author James Joyce about jacking off to his wife's stinky farts in the age of the better man

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:44

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 29, 2024 17:09

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

He opened by talking about loving his ex with the bigger tits :colbert:

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:44

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Streak posted:

really good conversation everyone's having, sure beats the hell out of actual content!!

I [28F] asked my boyfriend [29M] of 4 years when he's going to propose, he said he's waiting for me to propose to him

I wonder what the odds are that this dude is on the spectrum. You'd think this is would something you'd talk about? Or at least not be 'vague' about?

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:44

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Yawgmoth posted:

If that ad does not provoke sad feelings in you then I have bad news: there is a good chance that you have no soul and are a robot.

It's like an artisanally crafted hot lance into the scrotum of your soul.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:45

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

You play the fire ex game, you get ex burned.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:45

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Bubblyblubber posted:

Guys guys relax, even women can be retarded

My boyfriend [28m] feels bad because I [28f] told him about my ex [29m] Relationships

To be fair to her, he said the exact same things about his ex and she didn't melt down.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:45

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IO9d2PpP7tQ

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:45

gentle pete: Feb 21, 2015; by Nyc_Tattoo

From /r/legaladvice

quote:

[NYC] Lost 50K and sanity to a girl

tl;dr willingly gave a girl a lot of money, mostly through direct venmo payments. I have her name and phone number, but not much else. Don't know how to get it back.

I'll start with the obvious: I'm an idiot. I fully realize I f***** up. Things started so slowly, week by week, then month by month...I can't even believe I got here. Just want to cry or hide under a rock.

So I met this girl on one of those sugardating sites (again: I'm dumb). She did not seem like a hooker, and seemed genuinely nice and in need, so I helped her out with rent and few gifts. In exchange, we had a few dinners over few weeks, and I felt (and she made it appear) that this was a real relationship, with a potential real future. We had a lot of things in common like family culture, upbringing, etc. She was very attractive, but down to earth at the same time. This went on for a few months until she started making excuses to not see me, not following up on promises to meet family/friends. In fact she never gave out too much personal information, always had an excuse why I couldn't come by her place, and she said she worked at a US military office...so conveniently I could never go visit her at the office.

I broke things off, but then after a few months I was going through some family issues in life and reconnected with her. A lot more money was given, including for plastic surgery and more gifts and...it just hurts my brain to think about it. It was almost 1 year at this point and she kept mentioning things like meeting my family, marriage, where we might live together. I really stopped imagining her as "some girl from a site" and more like my future wife. She was very good at being manipulative and making me think I needed to continue taking care of her to keep her around.

We had made plans to move away together across the country, and about 3 weeks before, she just said "no". It's devastated me, and made me realize everything she ever did or said was fake. Also my job and home are lost because I had assumed I'd be leaving.

I'm not a lawyer or a cop or a hacker, but here are some ideas I had:

I could sue her. I figure the amount here is enough that its not going to just get thrown out of court. I'll say "we verbally agreed it was a loan" and ask for it back? The venmo payments dont have a specific description though, and there is no text msg record of me saying this.
I could call the cops, but not sure what the charge would be? I can totally believe she is scamming other people, and now I could believe she's a hooker too. Maybe I could lie and say I did hire her for sex, so she'd get arrested...but then I would too I suppose. And unlikely I would get any money back.

Anyways that is my sad story. I'll be happy if I can squeeze this part of my life out of my brain forever...but I'm very afraid I wont be able to.

EDIT: I'm not trying to break the law. I was just throwing out #2 in case there was some legal argument I was missing

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:49

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

if u can't take the ex heat, get out of the ex fire, which iirc was the name of the x-men's flying plane

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:51

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

There's a guy at my work who got catfished by some "woman" in the Philippines to the tune of over 50k and when he went to go meet her, nobody was there.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:51

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

Pick posted:

You play the fire ex game, you get ex burned.

I mean, I agree, and if the post was about "and then I told him about Chad Thundercock rocking my guts because gently caress him, what the hell?" then I wouldn't even post it.

But she's confused, you guys. He opened up with a "bigger tits" super soaker and she fired back a "better body, better face, multiple orgasms, but you're ok too I guess" nuke and can't understand why he's upset.

Anyway, here's a boy with enough moron in him for our whole gender:

Me [30 F] with my bf [30 M] of 2 years, he wants me to give him all my money to start a forex account in his name[new]

quote:

14 points 16 comments submitted 1 year ago by anon55215845 to r/relationships

My bf really wants to start investing in FOREX (foreign exchange markets), as well as some other things that he admits are ponzi schemes. He doesn't have $2000 to open an account and wants me to give him basically everything that I have in my savings to open an account in his name. He pays the majority of our monthly expenses as he works and I haven't found a job since I moved across the country about 7 months go (there's not much around here in my field and he hasn't wanted me to find a regular job, but to take care of things around the house). To open an account you need $2000, but you can take money out after your initial investment (through the same means you deposit it, and only in the account holders name).

I told him that I'm not comfortable giving him my savings, but he keeps bringing up "how much do I actually need in the next 1-2 weeks before I would get the money back"? We've had a lot of issues since I've moved here and every time we do he tells me if I don't like it I should pack my poo poo and move back. Things have been good the past week or so, but before that it was very rocky. I'm afraid that if I did give him everything I had we'd have a fight about something stupid and he'd kick me out without returning anything (or only give me lesser amount as he feels he deserves some of my savings), and I'd really be screwed because I'd be stuck somewhere I know no one, without any money, and no way to get home (let alone make payments on my student loans/cc debt in the time it'd take me to find a job anywhere).

How do I tell him I don't want to do this, without making thing worse in the relationship?

tl;dr: BF wants me to give him all my money to open a forex trading account in his name, I'm not comfortable with the idea.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:52

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Psycho Society posted:

I wonder what the odds are that this dude is on the spectrum. You'd think this is would something you'd talk about? Or at least not be 'vague' about?

at a young age he watched his mother get killed by a feral wedding proposal before his very eyes

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:53

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Bubblyblubber posted:

I mean, I agree, and if the post was about "and then I told him about Chad Thundercock rocking my guts because gently caress him, what the hell?" then I wouldn't even post it.

But she's confused, you guys. He opened up with a "bigger tits" super soaker and she fired back a "better body, better face, multiple orgasms, but you're ok too I guess" nuke and can't understand why he's upset.

Anyway, here's a boy with enough moron in him for our whole gender:

Me [30 F] with my bf [30 M] of 2 years, he wants me to give him all my money to start a forex account in his name[new]

Sometimes it's worth it to work and pay your own bills instead of being financially shackled to an easily duped moron hoping to get rich quick.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 18:56

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

Bubblyblubber posted:

I mean, I agree, and if the post was about "and then I told him about Chad Thundercock rocking my guts because gently caress him, what the hell?" then I wouldn't even post it.

But she's confused, you guys. He opened up with a "bigger tits" super soaker and she fired back a "better body, better face, multiple orgasms, but you're ok too I guess" nuke and can't understand why he's upset.

Anyway, here's a boy with enough moron in him for our whole gender:

Me [30 F] with my bf [30 M] of 2 years, he wants me to give him all my money to start a forex account in his name[new]

She should introduce this financial genius to bitcoin. up uP UP!!

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:08

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

Pick posted:

if u can't take the ex heat, get out of the ex fire, which iirc was the name of the x-men's flying plane

That's the blackbird!
:goonsay:

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:13

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Gloryhold It! posted:

That's the blackbird!

Who has the quinjet?

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:16

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

new phone who dis posted:

Who has the quinjet?

Edit: Avengers*

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:18

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

drat there was really no way I thought I could possibly be on the husband's side...and then the text.

Husband (35m) took the keys to my car (28f) and says he'll give them back in a week

quote:

Before people start piling on me for this, I'll acknowledge that I am not a nice driver. I have gotten tickets for speeding, get angry in the car while driving. It is not my best trait. I totally acknowledge that.

Yesterday I was driving home from work and there was a little traffic. I got annoyed and started tailgating the car in front of me because I felt like he was going way too slow for the passing lane but I couldn't pass him because of cars on the side. I was yelling and gesturing from inside my car but nothing directly at them. Eventually, I could pass and intentionally sped my car up to zoom past them as hard as I could and cut in front of them- basically to show them I was pissed off. Yeah- it was a lovely, dangerous, stupid thing for me do.

Anyway, I get home and later my husband comes home and he is drat pissed off at me. Apparently he and his coworker were driving to a different office branch to pick something up and that was their car. He started yelling at me about how dangerous I drive and he had NO idea I acted like that and he was so embarrassed when his coworker started laughing asking, goddamn, isn't that your wife?

I was remorseful and tried to apologize and then he took my keys and told me he was taking them- and my car- from me. Are you serious? I told him that was totally unreasonable and he brought up the fact that he bought the car, it's technically his, and he can do what he wants with it and he's taking it from me. Like he is literally grounding me from driving my car. He said he'd drive me to work and pick me up when I'm done, or take me where I want later, but he is driving.

God I am so frustrated. He will not budge on this. He said I can think about it for a week and he'll give it back to me. Tell me this is ridiculous. I don't want to fight with him but he is treating me like a child. I told him this and he said not to drive like I'm auditioning for the fast and furious lol I am so beyond frustrated.

Am I suppose to just accept this? Is this really the best solution to this? I mean really- he is so overreacting.

tldr: I cut this car off on the way home from work- turns out it was my husband and his coworker. My husband came home and took my keys away and said I could have it back in a week. I can't get over this. What can I do.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:20

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

I think if at some point your life turns into such a cliche you should, like, be excused from federal income tax or something.

Me [36M] found wife[36F] of 4.5 years, with a dude in the closet. Infidelity

quote:

781 points 222 comments submitted 1 year ago by founddudeinthecloset to r/relationships

tl;dr: Came home today saw wifes car in driveway, found the door chained, and saw someone dart into the bedroom. Found dude hiding the the closet. Any hope?

I had to pick up something at the post office today, so I decided to swing home after for lunch. Saw my wife's car in the driveway- sometimes she works from home.

I went inside, but I found the safety chain was in place. VERY ODD.

While I was messing with the chain, I saw a man dart back down the hallway. Eventually my wife comes and opens the chain, and clearly doesn't think I have seen the guy. I walk to the bedroom and find him in the closet. He says "sorry" a couple of times. I send him on his way.

She claims that they never engaged in any physical activity, but they had an "emotional connection". She says they were both at home for lunch and to go for a jog (they were in running clothes). Well, ok, if it was purely innocent why did this guy hide and why was the door chained? I am not a suspicious guy. Frankly, if he had introduced himself as my wife's running partner from work, I would have 100% trusted her.

My wife says it is because they were "afraid of me". Not physically (I have never touched her) but that I might "yell at them". Uh. What?

Frankly, this seems like BS to me. Whether they have hosed, were gonna gently caress, or were planning to gently caress at some point, I caught her on the continuum. No man spends time hiding for a women he isn't sleeping with and no one locks the door because they were afraid I might yell at them over something if what they were up to was okay.

She says that she has been unhappy for a year. This is true, she says this constantly. She regularly tells me how I don't measure up in every possible way. She has me going to a psychiatrist because she insists I am "always angry". At this point, it really looks like a plan to get ME to leave so she could get off scott-free in the relationship and pursue her new BF without guilt.

I said I wanted a divorce immediately. She said she wants to talk further, but frankly I do not know why. I took the things of mine that were of value (that I could fit in a backpack and left).

Complicating factor: We have two little boys (17m and 3). I am willing to make herculean sacrifices for them.

The only reason I would consider reconciliation would be for their benefit, but seems like a lost cause. Am I wrong? I hope I am. Until 4 hours ago, she meant the world to me.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:21

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

drat there was really no way I thought I could possibly be on the husband's side...and then the text.

Husband (35m) took the keys to my car (28f) and says he'll give them back in a week

God drat, she needs some anger management or something, do not let your emotions control how you drive.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:22

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

drat there was really no way I thought I could possibly be on the husband's side...and then the text.

Husband (35m) took the keys to my car (28f) and says he'll give them back in a week

How many of the comments are telling her that her husband is too controlling?

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:26

Hats Wouldnt Fly: Feb 9, 2010; .
Redfont is my hero.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

drat there was really no way I thought I could possibly be on the husband's side...and then the text.

Husband (35m) took the keys to my car (28f) and says he'll give them back in a week

Her husband was driving really slow in the ultrafast lane while people behind him were going insane. He's an rear end in a top hat.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:32

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

drat there was really no way I thought I could possibly be on the husband's side...and then the text.

Husband (35m) took the keys to my car (28f) and says he'll give them back in a week

I'm curious as to how fast he was going and what the limit was because going the speed limit on a 2 lane road is one thing, going 55 on the freeway is another. I mean, it's called the passing lane for a reason.

Regardless she's driving recklessly and :laffo:

@ her for getting her keys taken away like a teenager. I vote that they're both poo poo drivers in opposite directions.

Yawgmoth fucked around with this message at 19:35 on Mar 28, 2017

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:33

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

At that point I'd rather sell both cars and take the bus myself than give my wife the keys back, that is lunacy. She was just going home, no emergency, no nothing and she's gonna risk 3+ people's lives?

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:37

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Bubblyblubber posted:

I think if at some point your life turns into such a cliche you should, like, be excused from federal income tax or something.

Me [36M] found wife[36F] of 4.5 years, with a dude in the closet. Infidelity

nnnnoooo don't stay together 'for the kids' don't do it don't do it

also:

quote:

quote:
Was it R. Kelly?
I wish. Pasty developer.

which of you was it

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 19:43 on Mar 28, 2017

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:40

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Hats Wouldnt Fly posted:

Her husband was driving really slow in the ultrafast lane while people behind him were going insane. He's an rear end in a top hat.

according to her, the person who also admitted to reckless and aggressive driving. for all we know he was going over the speed limit

also assuming it was the coworker who was driving, on the basis that speed racer would recognize her husband's car

boner confessor fucked around with this message at 19:46 on Mar 28, 2017

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:44

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

boner confessor posted:

according to her, the person who also admitted to reckless and aggressive driving. for all we know he was going over the speed limit

also assuming it was the coworker who was driving, on the basis that speed racer would recognize her husband's car

Homework: Google "drive really slow in the ultrafast lane".

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:47

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Yawgmoth posted:

I'm curious as to how fast he was going and what the limit was because going the speed limit on a 2 lane road is one thing, going 55 on the freeway is another. I mean, it's called the passing lane for a reason.

Regardless she's driving recklessly and @ her for getting her keys taken away like a teenager. I vote that they're both poo poo drivers in opposite directions.

Yeah I don't know how you get "they're both at fault" from this story.

If the wife was just an angry driver when being held up, that's pretty normal. Going out of your way to cut off the other car after they've moved from the left lane? Pretty bad idea and way beyond reckless, that's starting poo poo with other drivers.

It's pretty nutty that the whole "I drive like an rear end in a top hat, yes I admit it, but how dare someone retaliate" vibe is both there and ignored through the whole thing, it owns. Like lady, if you drive like an rear end in a top hat, sooner or later there will be a problem, and that's what's happening right now.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:50

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

drat there was really no way I thought I could possibly be on the husband's side...and then the text.

Husband (35m) took the keys to my car (28f) and says he'll give them back in a week

Hope that lady gets challenged to a race on dead mans curve.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 19:54

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Hats Wouldnt Fly posted:

Her husband was driving really slow in the ultrafast lane while people behind him were going insane. He's an rear end in a top hat.

In the comments she reveals he uses public toilets and pisses on the seat.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 20:02

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

Rakthar posted:

Yeah I don't know how you get "they're both at fault" from this story.

If the wife was just an angry driver when being held up, that's pretty normal. Going out of your way to cut off the other car after they've moved from the left lane? Pretty bad idea and way beyond reckless, that's starting poo poo with other drivers.

It's pretty nutty that the whole "I drive like an rear end in a top hat, yes I admit it, but how dare someone retaliate" vibe is both there and ignored through the whole thing, it owns. Like lady, if you drive like an rear end in a top hat, sooner or later there will be a problem, and that's what's happening right now.

If you're in the passing lane and someone wants to pass you, you should get over. She didn't cut him off, he finally moved over and she blitzed past him. Not saying that tailgating and losing her poo poo is appropriate or acceptable, but he's not blameless here; if he's not going passing speeds, he shouldn't be in the passing lane.

He drives like a 90 year old grandma.
She drives like a psycho.
Thus, they are both bad (for different reasons) and should both get the gently caress off the road.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 20:03

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

wasn't there a whole multi-page derail with the last road rage post about how the OP was totally right to think she was going to get murdered by negroes if her husband kept flipping the bird while driving normal

# ? Mar 28, 2017 20:04

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Yawgmoth posted:

If you're in the passing lane and someone wants to pass you, you should get over. She didn't cut him off, he finally moved over and she blitzed past him. Not saying that tailgating and losing her poo poo is appropriate or acceptable, but he's not blameless here; if he's not going passing speeds, he shouldn't be in the passing lane.

He drives like a 90 year old grandma.
She drives like a psycho.
Thus, they are both bad (for different reasons) and should both get the gently caress off the road.

Nope, not even close. He couldn't have moved over, and once it cleared up, she zoomed by him on the right and cut him off intentionally, "to show she was pissed off". That's insane. The passing lane advice you give is like, good for society that sometimes has people who need to get somewhere quickly, but it's not for an individual to enforce and get mad about people violating, especially when they have no business being in a rush. The worst consequences of him driving slowly for her were, at worst, she gets home a few minutes later. The worst consequences of her driving like a lunatic is 3 corpses. They are orders of magnitude apart.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS fucked around with this message at 20:11 on Mar 28, 2017

# ? Mar 28, 2017 20:09

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Yawgmoth posted:

If you're in the passing lane and someone wants to pass you, you should get over. She didn't cut him off, he finally moved over and she blitzed past him. Not saying that tailgating and losing her poo poo is appropriate or acceptable, but he's not blameless here; if he's not going passing speeds, he shouldn't be in the passing lane.

Ok, now what happens when you read the post

quote:

Eventually, I could pass and intentionally sped my car up to zoom past them as hard as I could and cut in front of them- basically to show them I was pissed off. Yeah- it was a lovely, dangerous, stupid thing for me do.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 20:09

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Nope, not even close. He couldn't have moved over, and once it cleared up, she zoomed past him on the right and cut him off intentionally, "to show she was pissed off". That's insane. The passing lane advice you give is like, good for society that sometimes has people who need to get somewhere quickly, but it's not for an individual to enforce and get mad about people violating, especially when they have no business being in a rush. The worst consequences of him driving slowly for her were, at worst, she gets home a few minutes later. The worst consequences of her driving like a lunatic is 3 corpses. They are orders of magnitude apart.

But what if she had a raid to get to in world of warcraft? The fate of all of Azeroth is at stake!

five minutes could be the difference between saving a world or your friends saving the world w/o you and the backup shaman getting YOUR hat

# ? Mar 28, 2017 20:09

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

Yawgmoth posted:

If you're in the passing lane and someone wants to pass you, you should get over. She didn't cut him off, he finally moved over and she blitzed past him. Not saying that tailgating and losing her poo poo is appropriate or acceptable, but he's not blameless here; if he's not going passing speeds, he shouldn't be in the passing lane.

He drives like a 90 year old grandma.
She drives like a psycho.
Thus, they are both bad (for different reasons) and should both get the gently caress off the road.

If she couldn't pass because of cars, maybe he couldn't get over because of cars, too. She also explicitly says she cut him off.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 20:10

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

what if instead of her husband it had been a very articulate young man in an Audi

# ? Mar 28, 2017 20:12

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

I dunno why people get pissed off at slow pokes in the left lane. I love getting behind grandpas and grandmas going ten under, ride their rear end for a bit (still at a safe following distance for the speed), then pass them on the right suddenly without exceeding the speed limit and watch as the freak because the relative speed difference makes it look like I just shot passed them going 80.

# ? Mar 28, 2017 20:14

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

If someone tailgates you, just brake check them

# ? Mar 28, 2017 20:18

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 29, 2024 17:09

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

54 40 or gently caress posted:

If someone tailgates you, just brake check them

the joys of driving a really lovely car :twisted:

# ? Mar 28, 2017 20:19

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