/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

DAD LOST MY IPOD: Feb 3, 2012; Fats Dominar is on the case

Buzkashi posted:

My (21F) friend (20F) repeatedly lies about ridiculous, impossible things.

An actress? Telling outrageous lies to get attention? Well I never

https://medium.com/@hesaidmarxistly/a-bajillion-little-pieces-747c2a0019cb

# ? Apr 4, 2017 23:35

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# ? May 15, 2024 17:58

Captain Lavender: Oct 21, 2010; verb the adjective noun

I feel like people who were telling the girl to tell Dave he has a small dick have never met a Dave.

That would be his cue to run at her face with his dick, and if she didn't run away screaming, he's slap his dick in her face; and the boyfriend would sit there, paralyzed and red-faced.

# ? Apr 4, 2017 23:59

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Captain Lavender posted:

I feel like people who were telling the girl to tell Dave he has a small dick have never met a Dave.

That would be his cue to run at her face with his dick, and if she didn't run away screaming, he's slap his dick in her face; and the boyfriend would sit there, paralyzed and red-faced.

This is the best case scenario with a dude like that, worst case involves getting loving stabbed and raped

# ? Apr 5, 2017 00:04

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

Yeah making jokes about Dave's penis is how you turn that sexual harassment into a violent rape-murder-taxidermy situation.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 00:07

COMRADES: Apr 3, 2017; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

I'm not a girl mind you but if someone told me I have to look at their dick at knife point I'd say "sure" and as soon as their attention was on their fly I'd grab the nearest blunt object and start smashing.

And I don't think I'd even get in trouble because "defending against a deadly weapon."

# ? Apr 5, 2017 00:12

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Did someone post this gem yet?

quote:

Throwaway because I have some friends on reddit.

My wife, "Jenny", and I have been together for 5 years, married for two. We have a ten month old daughter who I love more than anything.

Some essential background information, Jenny was abused as a child. I don't know all the details, she's never wanted to talk about them and I've never pushed. But I know it was her father, it went on for years, and was (obviously) deeply traumatic for her.

It was an issue early on in our relationship. Jenny had severe trust issues that made our relationship extremely difficult. It hit a point where I told her she'd have to see a therapist or I'd have to leave the relationship. She agreed, and then things really started looking up. She saw an individual therapist for a long time, and we also had a few sessions of couples counseling. By the time we got married I really thought everything had been resolved. I've never expected her to be perfect, I know that she's been through something awful and it might affect her for the rest of our lives. But she had made so much progress, and our relationship was genuinely healthy.

When our daughter was born it's like all the progress she made just burned up overnight. She didn't trust me anymore. She was overly protective of our daughter and didn't want me holding her. Things came to a head about three weeks after the birth. She was showering, and when she came out I was changing our daughter. She accused me of being inappropriate, told me it was "really hosed up and suspicious" that I waited for her to be gone before changing her. I wasn't trying to be secretive about changing her. She starting crying after my wife was in the bathroom so I checked her diaper, and then I wasn't going to just let her sit in it until my wife was done.

Ever since then it's been more of the same. Jenny gets very upset and suspicious if I go to bathe her or change her, generally snapping at me to stop so she can do it instead.

If I take our daughter to different rooms Jenny follows me, even if she's in the middle of something, she'll stop everything to follow me. It's not like I'm taking her places for weird reasons. Like if she's being fussy it calms her when I pick her up and walk around the house for a while.

When I'm playing with her or holding her she watches me like a hawk. She doesn't like me getting up at night when she cries, she wants me to always wake her so she can either do it or supervise me while I calm her, and gets upset if I let her sleep and deal with it myself.

When I bring it up Jenny basically accuses me of wanting to hurt our daughter. She says if I had nothing to hide, it wouldn't bother me. She says it's messed up that I'm "so obsessed with being alone with her". I've asked her to go to therapy again but she refuses.

I've tried to be patient. I really, really have. I know Jenny has gone through something horrible that I'll never be able to understand. But I'm tired of feeling like an abuser for no reason. I would NEVER hurt my daughter, I'd kill anyone who tried. I love Jenny but if this doesn't change I don't know if I can stay with her. If we divorce and I can get joint custody at least I'll be able to be a real parent on the days I have her, instead of constantly feeling like the creepy live-in uncle. But on the other hand I'm terrified that if we do get divorced she'll fight tooth and nail to have full custody, since she's convinced I'm out to hurt our daughter. I'm at the end of my rope and I have no idea what to do.

tl;dr: Wife was abused as a child. Thinks I'll do the same to our daughter.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 00:25

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

not really a lot of humor there, it's just sad

# ? Apr 5, 2017 00:26

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

on the plus side he doesn't have to do poo poo in that house and can just crank a beer and play some halo all he wants

# ? Apr 5, 2017 00:35

gentle pete: Feb 21, 2015; by Nyc_Tattoo

PleasingFungus posted:

from a few pages back, but this boyfriend is a heck of a catch

Lol wow

# ? Apr 5, 2017 00:35

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Dude needs to eject on his wife before he ends up accused of molestation. He better get ahead of that one and get her craziness on paper somewhere or poo poo could get real bad for him.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 01:03

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

new phone who dis posted:

Dude needs to eject on his wife before he ends up accused of molestation. He better get ahead of that one and get her craziness on paper somewhere or poo poo could get real bad for him.

Yeah if she won't go to to erapy then she is just another broke-brained crazy at this point but the thing is that if he leaves her and has any sort of shared custody she will eventually try and pressure hie daughter into accusing him and/or convice her that something DID happen. The courts are not going to award the guy full custody though and his wife will probably make an accusation if he files for divorce. Unless he can force her into therapy he is as boned as his wife was by her dad.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 01:19

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

fukking lol at the end there robit

# ? Apr 5, 2017 01:21

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

new phone who dis posted:

Dude needs to eject on his wife before he ends up accused of molestation. He better get ahead of that one and get her craziness on paper somewhere or poo poo could get real bad for him.

This was exactly what I was thinking.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 01:26

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

therobit posted:

Yeah if she won't go to to erapy then she is just another broke-brained crazy at this point but the thing is that if he leaves her and has any sort of shared custody she will eventually try and pressure hie daughter into accusing him and/or convice her that something DID happen. The courts are not going to award the guy full custody though and his wife will probably make an accusation if he files for divorce. Unless he can force her into therapy he is as boned as his wife was by her dad.

In his situation I would hire a lawyer on the sly and go from there. Assume malign intent on the part of the wife and do as much as possible behind the scenes to prepare.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 01:34

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

That guys going to get his throat slit in his sleep once she convinces herself to do it

# ? Apr 5, 2017 01:56

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Uh that's a legit sign of pot parturition depression/psychosis. Especially if it was a huge personality shift. He needs to call her doctor ASAP before this turns into a murder/suicide situation.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 05:28

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

new phone who dis posted:

In his situation I would hire a lawyer on the sly and go from there. Assume malign intent on the part of the wife and do as much as possible behind the scenes to prepare.

too late. he consensually spermjacked himself (con-self-sper-jack as the redpillers call it) his best option now is to neg the baby so righteously that his wife deescalates all forthcoming shittests from now on until the end of time. GORILLA MINDSET. eat half the baby throw it at the wife. make the fambly great again.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 06:16

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Nazzadan posted:

I [24 M] got lost in the city when very drunk, I started talking to a homeless woman who later started to perform fellatio on me. I can't remember giving consent and I was barely conscious. How do I deal with this and is keeping this from my girlfriend [23 F] of 5 years out of the question?

A wild SLOBO appears!

# ? Apr 5, 2017 06:35

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Hi I'm purple death ray and this is your daily reminder that all women live in fear of being raped always. Thank you.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 07:11

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

No this is not a gimmick it is all I will post about god bless

# ? Apr 5, 2017 07:12

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

Just gas the wife, problem sloved

# ? Apr 5, 2017 07:26

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

I (28 m) found out my mother (48f) is alive after thinking she was dead for twenty one years, she now has another family

quote:

u/toeveryseasonturn
Ok so to put this into context, my parents had a lovely relationship. They got pregnant with my brother at eighteen years of age and had me at twenty years old. My dad was verbally, emotionally and at times physically abusive. He was a drunk and abused narcotics. My mom wasn't perfect but she was a great mom. She did everything for my brother Josh and me. The night before my seventh birthday my dad and my mom got into a bad argument, he hit her and then stormed out. My mom told me not to worry I was going to have a fantastic birthday. The next day she left me and josh at home to go get stuff for the party, that was the last time I saw her. She never showed up, my dad came home became infuriated she wasn't home. He got drunk and high and my brother and I cried ourselves to sleep. Two weeks later my father died of an overdose, we went to live with my paternal grandparents who broke the news to us. Not only did our dad die but our mom was dead too.

They did the best job they could raising us, we turned out ok. Josh is currently in the marines, he's married with two boys. We are very close and I'm very proud of my big brother. I went to college, then dentistry school. I've been working in my FIL's practice for a year and when he retires in a few years I'll be taking over for him. I have a wife I adore and a new baby girl. My life is was perfect until my maternal aunt dropped a bombshell on me at a family dinner. She was drunk and therefore her inhibitions were low. She blurted out something about seeing my mother a month ago. I asked her what she was talking about and it all came out. My mother never died, it was an elaborate rouse concocted by my mother, her parents, and her sisters to get her away from my father. Supposedly the plan was she would eventually come back and get us but my aunt said my mom changed her mind. She thought my grandparents could do a better job raising us. Supposedly she went back to school, got her life in order fifteen years ago she met her husband and they have four kids. The oldest is thirteen and youngest is 3. I was both devastated and shocked and to be honest I still am.

My aunt apologized she said it was never their intentions to hurt us. I left with my wife and the next day I face timed josh and told him. He's furious and says he wants nothing to do with her but it's my choice if I want to see her, he won't hold it against me. I honestly don't know what I want. My wife is very supportive and she's been wonderful in all this. I'm not sure if I should call her (aunt gave me her number), what I'll even say.

TL;DR: my mom isn't dead like I thought pretty much for most of my life, she's alive with another family. Should I contact her, or should i do like my brother and forget she ever existed?

drat that's an ice cold momma.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 07:42

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Milotic posted:

I (28 m) found out my mother (48f) is alive after thinking she was dead for twenty one years, she now has another family

drat that's an ice cold momma.

You're going to have a great seventh birthday! I'm going to go buy some great party supplies!

*never comes back*
*grandparents tell them she died weeks later, after his father literally died*

# ? Apr 5, 2017 07:46

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Elsa posted:

Hi I'm purple death ray and this is your daily reminder that all women live in fear of being raped always. Thank you.

Admittedly, most men are stronger, faster and heavier than women, making any altercation a probable loss for the woman. It's not technically incorrect to assume that women are in peril of physical and sexual abuse at pretty much all times. Hell, all I'd need to do to restrain a woman is sit on them (I'm fat, you see). I can see why ladies might be pretty leery around men.

I had women on my Facebook feed the other day talking about how men yelling, not even at them necessarily, caused them to seize up, become terrified or even cry. They explained how they always watched their words, body language and actions to not provoke men, because raised angry man voices induced panic. I guess they had all thought it was just them that felt that way, but hey, it turns out there's more than one. It made them feel better to know other women lived in constant terror. I was just like "wut?" Sharing the burden is weird like that.

I think maybe those ladies should invest in firearms or kidney shankin' knives, even if it's just to calm their nerves a bit.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 07:47

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Pvt.Scott posted:

I think maybe those ladies should invest in firearms or kidney shankin' knives, even if it's just to calm their nerves a bit.

Or stop being afraid of other people all the time?

Khorne fucked around with this message at 22:29 on Apr 5, 2017

# ? Apr 5, 2017 07:48

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

Women who live in constant terror are pussies and need to get themselves a shiv

# ? Apr 5, 2017 07:49

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Zzulu posted:

Women who live in constant terror are pussies and need to get themselves a shiv

That's what I said!

# ? Apr 5, 2017 07:51

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Khorne posted:

Or stop being afraid of other people all the time? Anyone with that mindset is perpetually abusing themselves.

So, on a scale of one to ten, how middle class, white and male are you?

# ? Apr 5, 2017 08:42

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

This thread took a bad turn.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 08:43

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

Sum ladies like to be raped

# ? Apr 5, 2017 08:56

Streak: May 16, 2004; by Nyc_Tattoo

Lol if you're scared of being sexually assaulted it is actually you who is abusing yourself.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 09:13

Lareine: Jul 22, 2007; KIIIRRRYYYUUUUU CHAAAANNNNNN

I dunno, I never really been scared of stuff like that. Granted, I've never been attacked or abused by a male so...

# ? Apr 5, 2017 09:16

small ghost: Jan 30, 2013

4.7mil women per year victims of domestic violence in the US alone.

Men: really, you're abusing yourselves :smuggo:

# ? Apr 5, 2017 09:30

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

let us all grotesquely exaggerate the discussion in order to make fools of eachother

# ? Apr 5, 2017 09:32

Khorne: May 1, 2002

I'm a big dumb idiot who posts inflammatory stuff during a bout of insomnia.

Khorne fucked around with this message at 22:29 on Apr 5, 2017

# ? Apr 5, 2017 09:34

small ghost: Jan 30, 2013

You're the only one who's brought up women being afraid to go outside lol. We're talking about women being afraid of male anger, I'm sure you can draw the connection between domestic violence stats and that yourself.

Lifetime stats for domestic violence against women in the US are somewhere around 1 in 4, by the way.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 09:48

Khorne: May 1, 2002

I'm a big dumb idiot who posts inflammatory stuff during a bout of insomnia.

Khorne fucked around with this message at 22:29 on Apr 5, 2017

# ? Apr 5, 2017 09:53

Milotic: Mar 4, 2009; 9CL apologist; Slippery Tilde

Pull up, pull up!

My [28M] girlfriend [25F] of two years broke up with me 4 months ago. I just discovered it was because she was sleeping with my coworker. How do I respond?

quote:

u/Hks02
Going to try and keep this short because emotions are high:

My girlfriend of two years dumped me about 4 months ago. We had been talking about marriage and moving in together. I was completely distraught at the time. She told me she was breaking up with me because "things were going too well". It was a bullshit reason and I knew it wasn't the truth. I spent the next few months blaming myself, occasionally trying to reach out, and just generally being a mess. This was the first girl I had ever imagined myself marrying.

Today, 4 months later, I finally found out the real reason she broke up with me. My girlfriend dumped me because she had been cheating on me with a coworker - someone who I had confided in after the breakup and who I had relied on to get over her. Now I feel completely lost all over again. This time it's not like the initial breakup. I feel like I've been played for a fool for the past 4 months and I can't believe I didn't realize what the real reason was. I'm incredibly angry and I want to lash out and scream at both of them.

How do I deal with discovering my girlfriend was cheating on me with a coworker and a former friend? My initial reactions are that I want to get the coworker fired so I never have to be reminded of this situation again - but yes I recognize this is dumb. I'm just not sure how to handle these feelings of betrayal. I was just starting to get over her and heal and this has set me back to ground zero.

tl;dr: My ex of two years broke up with me because things were going "too well". Turns out she was actually sleeping with my coworker/friend. Now I can't seem to get past massive feelings of hatred and wanting revenge. How do I deal with this?

drat that's an ice cold co-worker

# ? Apr 5, 2017 10:01

small ghost: Jan 30, 2013

Who is afraid of going outside? Legit question because yours is the first post I can find that mentions that specifically as opposed to a more generalised fear of male violence.

# ? Apr 5, 2017 10:04

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# ? May 15, 2024 17:58

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Werong Bustope posted:

Who is afraid of going outside? Legit question because yours is the first post I can find that mentions that specifically as opposed to a more generalised fear of male violence.

The post I quoted?

Pvt.Scott posted:

It's not technically incorrect to assume that women are in peril of physical and sexual abuse at pretty much all times.

I realize now this is a post from Pvt.Scott's imagination followed by a facebook thing.

Khorne fucked around with this message at 10:10 on Apr 5, 2017

# ? Apr 5, 2017 10:08

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