Mirthless posted:

Mirthless posted:

Nazzadan posted:

My [25f] boyfriend [28m] of 2 years doesn't want me starting a colony of cockroaches in our basement. Honestly, it's not as bad as it sounds.

COMRADES posted:

K and the employees in question that were caught just got fired and that was it. Idiot.

Pvt.Scott posted:

Hahahahaha. The drones that got left holding the bag got fired. Anyone responsible for encouraging the illegal practice, raising quotas to unrealistic levels to make the illegal practice necessary to stay employed and the people above that absolutely knew about it are doing just fine, thanks.

COMRADES posted:

I hate cockroaches so my gut reaction was gently caress NO but honestly the gf seems reasonable here. $200/mo is a lot.

quote:

Help me budget this, Reddit.
$600 rent
$75 groceries
$15 WoW subscription
$200 lizard food

quote:

Just get a roach farm and that will eliminate the lizard food

quote:

perfect

quote:

i've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years. she has had a drinking-to-excess problem for much of the relationship which was largely maybe annoying rather than anything else. when we were seeing each other casually she has alluded to having sex under "less than ideal" situations when drunk.
about 6 months ago she became instantly jealous one night after i chose to see a female friend. that night, she texted me at midnight saying she had slept with someone else, someone she had just met at work, sobbing. she wrote me a text saying she was on her way home. for several months she took responsibility that she had cheated and was apologizing profusely.
however, recently she has switched and said that she thinks she was raped - she does not remember how she got to this person's house, and did not provide consent. she remembers waking up during the sex, and throwing him off.
she seems adament now that it wasn't consensual - and that she initially took responsibility for cheating because she didn't want to admit to herself that she did not consent and had no control over the situation.
however, there are some extra details: 1) she chose to stay the night, and at least kissed him afterward, but she maintains they didn't have sex. 2) this event literally happened the same night that she was jealous. 3) she told me that when she woke up she briefly asked him about using a condom - doesn't this seem like she knew she was having sex and had some control over her choices? she did however throw him off soon after that.
4) she hasn't chosen to identify this person - her brother and sister in law know him - she is however telling her friends that she now believes it was a rape. 5) he apparently was also drunk, but she said that apparently he told her he was sorry and said "i should have taken you home as you asked".
6) she has said on one occasion "i found him interesting at the bar - but i wasn't planning on having sex with him" 7) she is trying to make steps to curtail her drinking but still drinks to excess occasionally - about once a month.
my question is this: does this situation constitute cheating? i am doing my best to be sympathetic to her situation - i also keep focusing on these red flags within her story. i'm sure i'm also focusing on the red flags here more than anything. she has made me feel like a rape denier for asking questions about it, and i want to make sure that that isn't what i'm doing and that these questions are legitimate.
female viewpoints particularly welcomed - curious as to whether the genders are aligned here in their viewpoints.
tl;dr: gf maintains she was raped during a black-out drinking night. what do you think?

quote:

Our relationship is pretty good. She doesn't always keep us from going out. We go on walks to get ice cream every once in a while, which Chip really enjoys. She's really happy when Chip is, so I like it a lot.

We don't have sex, she says it makes her uncomfortable. Which I totally understand, some people just don't like to have sex and that's okay.

Other than that, I don't feel emotionally neglected. She's taken to petting me recently, which confuses me, but I guess it's better to feel the affection you know?

La Brea Carpet posted:

Comment reply from dog dad:

La Brea Carpet posted:

Comment reply from dog dad:

I Was The Fury posted:

Haha dude what the gently caress leave this woman before she breaks out the mascot costumes

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

ok if this wasn't a fakepost before, it is now

quote:

I'm not sure where to start. All of this background feels relevant, so prepare for a wall of text... My wife and I met 10 years ago and we've been married 8 (we have two small children, 5 and 2). For the most part, our marriage has been relatively flawless. We've always communicated well, we enjoy each other's company, we have sex a few times a week, and we rarely get into fights more vigorous than a bicker.
She's bisexual and expressed a desire to scratch that itch a few years into our marriage. When we were dating, we had a few threesomes with girls and it was lots of fun with no drama or hard feelings, so this wasn't an earth shattering revelation by any stretch. Fast-forward a bit, and we had a threesome with a friend of hers on a particularly drunken evening. It was a blast and to our excited surprise, it lit our own sex life on fire. We've never really had problems in the bedroom, but man, that experience amped everything up.
Over the following months, we wanted to find that high again and went on a search for another special guest star to join us in the sack. They don't call single girls that play with couples "unicorns" because they grow on tress. In other words we had very little luck. A friend told us about a swingers' club nearby, so we decided to check it out. We ended up meeting another couple there. The girls hooked up, and we ended up "full swapping". I found it extremely hot to see her with the guy, and she felt the same about me with the girl, so we decided to try the swinging thing a bit.
After a number of "dates" and mediocre 4-ways, it became painfully obvious that finding a couple that we both were into was next-to-impossible, so we hung up our boots.
After some time, we decided it might be fun to bring a single dude into the mix. I love seeing her with another guy, and she loves to provide the entertainment. She met a level-headed guy and viola, we had a regular special guest star who was lots of fun and totally fit right in with us. A short time later, I was promoted at work and began traveling a lot. With my blessing, she began seeing him on her own. He'd come over to the house late nite, they'd play, and they'd send me some hot video to indulge in while I was on the road.
Her solo play evolved into giving her blessing for me to find a girl to play solo with on my end. Here's where it starts to get interesting...
I met a beautiful, wonderful, amazing girl who was outstanding in the sack and we began to talk and text regularly. She lived about an hour away, so most of the time we spent connecting was emotional, all at the blessing and visibility of my wife. Over time, the girl and I began developing feelings for each other and the subject of polyamory came up. Did I love her? It felt like it. Did I love my wife less? Absolutely not. The girl and I established a secondary relationship, complete with "I love yous".
A few months into my secondary relationship, my wife met a wonderful guy and developed a secondary relationship with him. They began to see one another "exclusively", all with my blessing.
Fast-forward 3 months, my secondary relationship ended (after 6 total months together), and (unrelated) my wife went on a beach trip with a few of her girlfriends who know about our open/poly marriage situation. Our rule has always been "knowledge and consent". We are able to "hook up" with other people as long as the other partner has knowledge of the situation and provides consent (and uses protection, of course). We're both allowed a no-questions-asked veto card as well. Anywho, she gets hammered and is somewhat unresponsive via text on the Saturday night of the beach weekend, but finally calls me at 9:30 and tells me they're hammered and they're going to bed. "Okay love, goodnight".
The next morning, we chat on the phone for a few minutes and she mentions that a guy named "Tom" came over to the hotel and drank wine and smoked cigarettes on the balcony with her and they ended up kissing. I was somewhat cranky about not being informed that this was going to take place, but a kiss can happen in the heat of the moment and we'll typically brush off something like that. "Are you SURE that's all that happened between you two?". "Yes, I swear". "Ok, I'm taking the kids to lunch."
Something felt... Off. When we spoke later in the day, I asked again. "Are you sure nothing happened? Like, really really sure?", and with some persistent prodding, she admitted to having sex with "Tom". I lost it. "All you have to do is text me to provide knowledge and seek consent, and you couldn't even bother with doing that?!?. Do you have no consideration for me at all?!?"
I felt unconsidered, disrespected, and betrayed. My feelings weren't even worth a quick text, that's ALL I've ever asked! In my book, breaking that cardinal rule amounts to infidelity. Plus, she was supposed to be exclusive with her boyfriend 'Frank', who is an awesome dude who deserves to receive the same level of respect that he gives. I made her confess her betrayal to him, as he has the right to know if and when she's sleeping with someone else (from a health/risk perspective if nothing else), and he lost it too.
The following weeks were absolutely chaotic. Both he and I were reeling from the betrayal, both of us were feeling very undesired and insecure (which isn't something that I've felt toward my wife before). I began to feel threatened by her relationship with him, and the attention that she paid to repairing things there in contrast to our relationship felt very unbalanced. Her response when asked about it was "well, we have sex with other people, it isn't as big of a deal in our situation as it is with 'Frank' and I. Plus, this thing with Frank is short-term and I want to try to restore some happiness so this isn't a horrible experience for him". I wholeheartedly disagreed with that logic.
It quickly got to a level where her relationship with Frank became a real point of contingency with me (I had never had even a slight problem with it before the betrayal, I liked Frank!) - I was jealous (I never had been before), I felt even more undesired and insecure. I was reading text messages (I'm very anti-snooping. Who was this person I had become?!?). It reached a boiling point and I told her that if we were to repair our marriage, it was only possible if Frank was out of the picture. This was not a decision I came to lightly, they love each other and Frank's a good dude. I knew he would be heartbroken, and as angry as I was at her, I didn't want to break her heart too.
They broke it off at my request, Frank agreed that our marriage wasn't going to be easily repaired with their relationship in the picture, and things began to get better between she and I, at least I thought so. It has been 3 weeks since the break-up. A few days ago, it was Frank's birthday. My wife sent a very neutral text to him saying happy birthday (they hadn't had any contact at all prior), and he responded with an equally neutral thank you. From that point on, she became very detached. When I approached her about this last night, after some hemming and hawing, her response was "I know this is hosed up, but I miss Frank so much. I want him to be in my life. I want to have both of you but I know I can't." I asked "Do you want to be with Frank instead of me?" To which, she tearfully replied "I think so".
This hit me like a ton of bricks, and she proceeded to tell me that things had been "off" with us for awhile, a discussion we've had recently, which we both believe began when we started real relationships with other people and, for all intents and purposes, ignoring our "bedrock sturdy" marriage.
I'm heartbroken, surprised, and confused. I know that new relationships have a drug-like power that long-term relationships lose by nature, and part of me feels as though his absence in combination with the "newness" (they were together 3 months) is driving this feeling of desire for him over me, but I can't help but feel as though it is more than that... We have an appointment to meet with a counselor tomorrow to try to gain some outside perspective.
Please provide insight, your thoughts, experiences, opinions, etc. Oh, and ask questions if you're curious. I know this is a little different than most posts here. I really need some perspective outside of my own.
tl;dr: Poly couple, wife cheated, I became jealous, secondary relationships ended as a result, and now she wants to be with the other guy.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Comment reply from dog dad:

Nazzadan posted:

taaaale as old as tiiiiiiiiiime
Me [34/M] and my wife [37/F], 10yrs, may have poisoned our relationship with polyamory


He posted it on r/poly as well, the folks on /relationships were saying that they shouldn't have traded their stability for a fun sexy time, and /poly is saying that opening the relationship wasn't to blame at all.

Nazzadan posted:

My [25f] boyfriend [28m] of 2 years doesn't want me starting a colony of cockroaches in our basement. Honestly, it's not as bad as it sounds.

quote:

mediocre 4-ways

quote:

things had been "off" with us for awhile, a discussion we've had recently, which we both believe began when we started real relationships with other people

Nazzadan posted:

fake edit: more content

Me [21M] with my ex gf [19 F] She has super conservative parents, we broke up a a long time ago but her parents just found out we had sex and her dad just messaged me. What should i do???

...My dad was pretty taken back and didnt really know what to say. Her dad continued on saying how he wanted to let my parents know what a man whore i was and how i took his daughters virginity and that it needed to be fixed...

Nazzadan posted:

With my blessing, she began seeing him on her own.

quote:

Did I love her? It felt like it. Did I love my wife less? Absolutely not. The girl and I established a secondary relationship, complete with "I love yous".

quote:

Plus, she was supposed to be exclusive with her boyfriend 'Frank', who is an awesome dude who deserves to receive the same level of respect that he gives. I made her confess her betrayal to him, as he has the right to know if and when she's sleeping with someone else (from a health/risk perspective if nothing else), and he lost it too.

COMRADES posted:

comrades why do people do these things to themselves

quote:

Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [21 M] of 9 months, his furry porn addiction is becoming a serious issue. Relationships
submitted 1 year ago by throwawayorwhatever5
Sorry, this has been bothering me for months and I don't know what to do about it any more.
So, backstory I guess. We've been together about 9 months, things are pretty good aside from this one issue. He first told me it was a kink or fetish of his about 3 maybe 4 months ago, and ever since then it's either been getting worse or he's been revealing more about it, and the last month or so it's just gotten unbearable.
Now it's gotten to a point (or I've finally found out about) where he's signed up for many, many sites online about this, he's actively posting and talking to other people about this, he's spent money on art, he's bought furry sex toys, he talks about it constantly, he's trying to pressure me into joining in, and he's getting upset at me that I'm not into it as well.
I get that people have fetishes, I don't mind at all that he's into it or even that he's spending his own money on this stuff. Honestly, what bothers me most is that he's busy talking to other furries all the time about porn, and that he's always talking to me about it and trying to get me to join in somehow.
First issue first, I guess. I've brought it up multiple times with him and he keeps saying it's normal and it's nothing to worry about. Maybe some of you guys can shed some light on that - I don't know. Again, no problem with him signing up or whatever, but he's going out of his way to talk to people online about what turns him on. I don't know what they talk about, but that's definitely a line crossed for me. That can't be a thing most people do, right?
But, okay, whatever. Even that I could try to live with if he seemed content with just that. But he just will not stop pressuring me into somehow liking it as well. He is always talking about it, both during sex and in casual conversation. He's always showing me furry porn, telling me how hot it is. I tell him over and over again that it's just not doing it for me, and that I really don't need to be shown everything he sees. It's actually gotten to a point where him just talking about it is upsetting.
How the hell do I get it through to him that I'm not interested and don't want to hear about it?! It's not like he's talking about a hobby he enjoys and I'm not interested in, he's constantly trying to get me interested in a type of loving porn that I'm just not into.
It's just so loving frustrating and I feel bad about it at the same time and I don't know what the hell to say to him. Please advise
tl;dr: Boyfriend won't shut up about furry porn, talks to strangers on the internet about it instead because that's "a normal thing to do". What do I tell him?

Nazzadan posted:

My [25f] boyfriend [28m] of 2 years doesn't want me starting a colony of cockroaches in our basement. Honestly, it's not as bad as it sounds.

Subjunctive posted:

I'm intrigued by the claim that they are "mostly odorless".

Dienes posted:

I didn't see an issue with it. They can't fly or crawl out of the enclosure, can't reproduce if they do get out, require next to no time/effort/or money to maintain. I had to raise some for our lab. It was pretty much like taking care of a goldfish tank, but easier. It seems silly to be pro-lizard but then super squeamish about what it eats.

Dienes posted:

I had to raise some for our lab.

WampaLord posted:

The rational part of my brain understands all this, but the part of my mind that hates roaches is just thinking about that box tipping over or getting a hole in it or something happening where they all get out and now I have to burn the house to the ground.

Mirthless posted:

If they all escaped you'd just have some dead roaches in the wall in a couple of weeks given that they can't breed and won't be in an ideal environment anymore

WampaLord posted:

The rational part of my brain understands all this, but the part of my mind that hates roaches is just thinking about that box tipping over or getting a hole in it or something happening where they all get out and now I have to burn the house to the ground.

quote:

It honestly just occurred to me (F, 29) that I might never know if my boyfriend (M, 28) were cheating on me, instead of being the slightly socially awkward hottie I think he is.

To start with, I'm very trusting, I lay everything out. He closely guards his personal life, and answers questions when asked.

The more I think about it, the more I need some serious advice.

He and I, we've always told each other that we were flexible about being monogamous, but we never quite made the leap together. So it wouldn't be consented to by me if he were having solo sex.

I have these thoughts because he would not let me look at his Mint account. We were trying to budget together, and he refused to let me see into his budget, not even a tiny bit. It weirded me out, since he absolutely would not change his mind on it. He has never hidden anything else from me, afaik.

Like I said, we're very sexually open, and I was hoping this would eventually morph into overall trust and flexibility, but it doesn't feel that way. It really doesn't help that he avoids the topic of budgeting religiously, and for all 5 1/2 years I've known him, he hasn't wanted to do it with me. This real oddity slowly made me begin to question the time he spends away from me. I know he's not being evasive because he's going to buy me anything (he's not really a present giver).

Here are other things I've noticed as well.

He's out late almost every single night of the week. He has many evening classes and he never mentions them. He never discusses them at all, and it seems almost like pushing him to ask about them. Yes, I know, love & accept that he's an introvert... But is his ability to include me in the stories of the rest of his life that limited? FYI he's like this in general as well, not just with this topic. I know that he has large groups of friends that I'm not a part of, and he goes out constantly.

We're supposedly trusting enough to be comfortable going through each other's phones conversations, but I don't think I'd ever do that.

Even though ever since we met on OkCupid, he never shut his account down. I know he's active on it, and he wants me to meet the people he finds. I know a couple of them. They're alright, fairly weird people. I go on my OkC occasionally to relive nostalgia and sweep out the cobwebs.

He also downloaded Tinder to 'make friends' and I told him to take it off his phone, as that was not a good friend-making app, and I suppose he removed it. I haven't checked.

Please let me know what you think at this point. What do you think I should do? How can I even approach this?

Before you answer, here's a little about me. I'm very different than the girl he started dating. I used to have time. I had my own schedule. I had a lot of fun and went on many adventures with him. A couple years ago, I came down with a chronic illness that keeps me from being able to enjoy most of the fun stuff that we used to do together.

It really limits my energy more than anything else, and I know he wants to get out more. With me. But I can't, I'm not well enough yet. I was almost mentally asleep for a year, I was so sick. I'm much better now... but I still need your help to mull this over.

I don't know what to do, or what to think yet... I'm open to both options- that he's unfaithful, or that he's just really that socially awkward. Please, please help.

Tldr: BF of 5 years is being secretive about finances & that's the cherry on the sundae of his weird behavior. Need advice.

quote:

I told him to take it off his phone, as that was not a good friend-making app

wilderthanmild posted:

I don't know why, but this is a really funny line. Part of it is the odd wording. The other part is the idea of it needing to be explained. It's almost like "Stop going to gloryholes, as it's not a good way to meet new people!"

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Sounds like how I talk to my niblings.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Sounds like how I talk to my niblings. "Honey, that's not a nice way to make friends, let's talk about different nice ways to make friends "

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

What kind of major financial institution doesn't have basic data security practices and auditing in place? Sure, it would be really easy to dump customer data at any major financial institution, but that's about it. They would know who did it and when and where it was done within minutes. You would almost certainly be in handcuffs within a few hours in such a scenario. There is no way in heck you would get away with it long-term.

Mirthless posted:

If they all escaped you'd just have some dead roaches in the wall in a couple of weeks given that they can't breed and won't be in an ideal environment anymore

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

gloryholes are a great way to make friends

Improbable Lobster posted:

Many invertebrates are very good, low maintenance pets. I'd have some roaches if they were legal as pets in Canada

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

I totally get how it would be pretty cool to have a tarantula because they're rad, but I feel like "pet" is sort of a grandiose word for something you can't interact with at all without terrifying tbh

wilderthanmild posted:

I don't know why, but this is a really funny line. Part of it is the odd wording. The other part is the idea of it needing to be explained. It's almost like "Stop going to gloryholes, as it's not a good way to meet new people!"