EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:

wanna key that car

Hillary Clintons Thong posted:

tell the girl in the leggings i said sup

Hillary Clintons Thong posted:

does she like your honda

ElMaligno posted:

Thats some trash level waifu

Pesticide20 posted:

You're the expert

orange juche posted:

Didnt drop enough bombs imo

Hillary Clintons Thong posted:

at the date posted:

There but for the grace of God go I.

Hillary Clintons Thong posted:

Unbleievably lazy human seeks opposite... (Ritzville)

Never thought i would find myself posting here... but that will become clear soon.

I have hit, somehow, my mid 30's. I have managed not to have a single real date my entire life, and the only real girlfriend i have ever had was when i was a teenager and i deeply regret it. I have lived a pretty boring life, shuttered away from the real world and any expectations that i do something with my life other than ... what i am already doing (which is exactly nothing, incase that's a problem).

I went to college, only to get sick, burn out, and drop out just short of my BA... which i never went back to get and have no real interest in anymore. Not even a little curious. I loved the process of schooling and learning, i just didnt like the goal-achievement part.

I 'like' video games, and have played exactly two in 10 years... So i guess i dont like them, nor do i play them. Why do i bring it up? Because i've never finished a game in my life. Not once, ever. No, not even Mario. That's my level of commitment to not finishing things.... terrifying, right?

I worked with kids for 5 years, after dropping out of college, because, as part of my old plan of getting a masters in education (which as you know now, never panned out), i needed 2 years of work experience with adolescents. It was minimum wage, but it was a great job. Loved it, in fact. Turns out i hate kids though. So.... now i dont know what to do. It's been a year since i moved nearly across the country, and i cant bring myself to go back to work, because the very idea that i wont enjoy it as much as the last one, puts me off of it. Oh, and i have health problems that is slowing down that process (i moved here to fix them, in a few months they'll be gone and my boredom will drive me back to work for sure--i already want to now!)

I'm fat, but i dont like food too much. Ya know? I .. well, unfortunately, drink my calories. No, not alcohol, i cant touch the stuff. Really. I cant. Allergic.... Working on this too. Have to, drs orders. Up to walking like 5 or 6 miles a day... LOVE to go on a hike, especially around some of the lakes around these parts, with the cliffs, and the trees... beautiful stuff. Im fat (300), and yes, fairly out of shape, but i can go out on a hike and not drop dead.... probably.

I'm not terribly tall, but 6ft, maybe 6ft 1... its between there and i really could care less where exactly.

Beard. I love my beard.

I dont really. It's mostly because i dont have a chin, and ... ok... MOSTLY because i really hate to shave, and dont have a chin.

I do have my own car, and you can call this my house--but i dont, because its mine, but its where my parents live. So, deary me... i have that stigma too.

I suppose by now its terribly easy to see how, willingly or not (it's always been willingly) that i've stayed single my whole life, right? What a damned disaster.

NOW, what do i want in a friend or partner? That's a hard question.

Looks are important (not the FACE looks, or even teeth, but...), i would rather have a skinny woman than a thick one--makes me an rear end in a top hat, and i know it. Go ahead. Judge me. Atleast i told the truth. Know what, i dont want to imagine what two beach balls loving looks like, so, i'm not going to seek one. You can be the stick. That's fine.

Not a smoker. If i wanted to make out with an ashtray, i wouldn't spit in it first. Gross.

no real opinion on race, or religion (i have none of the latter, but dont care if you have one you keep to yourself), uh, not picky about anything but being slender. poo poo, anorexic is fine... better than fine, because you can tell my fat rear end not to eat, and i can ask you to eat... and we can at least have something healthy to argue about, rather than something toxic. I like short women, the tall ones are terrifying. Think they remind me of my sister. Your breast size means nothing to me. Age? Less than mine, and above 18.

sex life? i dont have one, dont really want one. Never had one. Never needed one, and almost never think of one. Really, i mean, there's about a .05% chance that i would want sex in the first 6 months, AT ALL, unless i really really liked ya. I dont know why, i've been told that it's called being 'asexual' .. but i can still have a crush, so, cant be 100%. You? I would prefer ... either you dont want it, OR, if you do, can ignore that desire--atleast dont make me do stuff with ya (wont be hard, one look at me will fix ya right up). If you like to make dirty jokes, by all means, feel free, but realize i wont even know you're making at least half of them.

ah, k... now that everyone's gone, and you're just reading this because you're super confused, and maybe worried about this individual... let me go one step further.

I suppose my ideal partner is someone who doesn't like to leave the house for social events--or, does, but doesnt make me go. I would love hikes, movies together, anywhere together, but not with other people. I dont like people in general. I wont like your friends--so you can keep them, just ... dont be surprised if i dont act thrilled to see/meet/be around them. I can fake it really well, i've learned how, but GOD i hate people. Short, quiet, 'nice' but not some one who can be walked over. If you're really awkward. win! Dont fit in? Great! Kinda... really nerdy about something that makes you hard to talk to? I'll learn to live with that, even if i dont 'get' it ... you dont have to like the idea that i enjoy politics(liberal--if you voted for trump, GO AWAY), or cars, or my slight obsession with fantasizing about owning a sailboat and vanishing for years at a time... Have not left the house in 3 years unless it was to get more supplies? I can work with that too. Maybe we wont leave, together.

No kids. Yeah yeah, i can learn to like them, but you know i'd rather not. Nope. Dont want kids either. Ever. I feel the same about pets, but mostly just dogs. Cant like them. Wont like them. wont want one. Fish are fine.

I probably wont reply to this, but, if i do, it'll be because you figured out how to get my attention away from staring at the ceiling for another day... pic helps. I dont have a cellphone (i hate the goddamn things), but have a mobile facebook thing to communicate if it goes that far. email otherwise.

Hillary Clintons Thong posted:

no i diont think so he didn't mention fibocci sequences or spacetime or whatever

bengy81 posted:

Wow man, proud of you for putting that out there, but I don't think you are gonna find love on SA. OR at least not the kind you are hoping for.





For real though, is that the crazy fucker that lives up in your neck of the woods who was in the news about starbucks a few months back?

LITERALLY SHAKING posted:

Ghost Adventures is extra goony tonight. The episode on now (Stardust Ranch) has a guy that claimed to kill three aliens with a samurai sword, yammers on about "puttin' a double banana clip in mah ak47", some crazy woman babbling about a portal opening in a living room. And of course ghosts.

The poo poo people loving believe. Just give me a good old fashioned bigfoot sighting. At least now we can point to videos of bears walking upright.

bengy81 posted:

I mean its gotta be rough being however the gently caress old and being that desperate for snizz.
Having said that, if there is one thing being an adult has taught me, its that no matter how ugly and fat you are, there is somebody out there that thinks you are the most beautiful/amazing person in the world, provided you can get off your high horse and swallow your standards, bad political opinions, and learn to take a shower.
Cuz jesus, I've seen some ugly married people



AND THERE KIDS....

Hillary Clintons Thong posted:

the worst shows that i like to talk about but really loathe to watch are My 600lb life and My big fat fabulous life


that poo poo is some pure mixed with just straight up irritation at people not accepting any personal responsibility poo poo