/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Khorne posted:

I question the legitimacy of this statement. As someone with a real big scar on his chest and lots of other scars, it's usually quite the opposite.

It's all about the story. I just tell them I rescued my dick from an illegal cockfighting ring.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 15:17

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 00:21

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

new phone who dis posted:

It's all about the story. I just tell them I rescued my dick from an illegal cockfighting ring.

Nice

# ? Apr 19, 2017 15:20

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

YeahTubaMike posted:

mods knew

# ? Apr 19, 2017 15:25

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

If you're legitimately curious about what it's like to be gender fluid, non binary, or non gender conforming in some way, people have written quite extensively from a first person perspective!

# ? Apr 19, 2017 15:30

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

The way I wrap my head around it is that even as a trans woman who identifies strongly as a woman, there's some days where I don't feel it, either because I feel like a dude, or I'm just tired of the bullshit that comes with it (like that old guy who sat down on the bus and stared directly at my legs just now). So I figure that some people go through more extremes

# ? Apr 19, 2017 15:36

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Gloryhold It! posted:

The way I wrap my head around it is that even as a trans woman who identifies strongly as a woman, there's some days where I don't feel it, either because I feel like a dude, or I'm just tired of the bullshit that comes with it (like that old guy who sat down on the bus and stared directly at my legs just now). So I figure that some people go through more extremes

Heres how I wrap my head around it: dont worry about it, its pretty harmless.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 15:39

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Who What Now posted:

Heres how I wrap my head around it: dont worry about it, its pretty harmless.

unless you're putting it on your kid

# ? Apr 19, 2017 15:43

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Ouhei posted:

I really struggle to understand genderfluid as a concept. Like if a dude doesn't want to be biologically female but enjoys wearing makeup or wearing women's clothing he's still just a dude, he just likes to do that stuff. Or is that the point? It's just always made more sense to me that the goal should be disassociating that kind of stuff from being inherently male or female? It's all very confusing to me. I remember reading a story about someone having some sort of issue on a plane a few months back and the article kept referring to them as she, but all the photos just looked like a typical dude (facial hair and everything), they eventually clarified that the person preferred the female pronoun.

Not that it really matters, I'll use whatever pronoun someone wants me to if they correct me or whatever and I wouldn't treat them differently or anything, it's just a difficult concept for me to grasp.

I think with genderfluid people they don't really have a firm gender identity. I can understand that, there are a lot of people who aren't comfortable with labels, I feel like I'm a bit there myself a lot of the time (though I'm happy to label myself cis just because I don't want to be That Guy who appropriates trans issues)

Bigender is really, really dumb, though, to me, anyway. You're not two people. It's one thing to not want to commit to a label, it's another to comfortably embrace your at-birth gender identity while still calling yourself a trans person and strapping yourself to the cross about it. It's also not really a healthy approach to what he seems to actually want here (which is to cross-dress, and present as female, while still being considered male) - not for him, given the damage it seems to be causing to his personal relationships, or for trans people, who have been trying to detach themselves from weird dudes who fetishize femininity for a very, very long time.

The whole T/Q part of the LGBTQ equation is... really hard to wrap my head around sometimes. I strive to be accepting, I really, really do, and I've been acquainted with trans people for a very long time but I've seen a whole lot of behavior along the way that was insanely self serving and definitely in the sphere of "the wrong reasons for doing this" and it's really hard to remark on it without coming across as transphobic or whatever. The stifling of conversation on the topic lately isn't doing the movement any favors, 12% of the 18-34 demo identifies as T/Q and let's be honest here: there is no way that number is accurate and if it's not accurate there needs to be an expansion of dialog and a willingness to call people out that just isn't there. That's why people like this guy get away with this in the first place. I blame tumblr for this, and I don't mean in the "Them Ess Jay Doubles!" sense, I mean, tumblr is a community that rewards people for being trans or genderqueer, and in a lot of progressive communities in that sphere cis is literally a slur. Peer pressure in these communities pushes people to reach for weird labels to describe themselves when they've never experienced real dysphoria over their gender identity prior to being introduced to them. I loved playing with dolls when I was a kid, I enjoy having long hair, I actually smile when people accidentally call me ma'am! But I'm a guy, and I'm comfortable with that, and for the most part I always have been. I could easily have seen myself getting caught up in the pressure to identify myself as T/Q in a community like tumblr, though, and the endless cycle of validation and rejection of criticism would have probably gone a long way to reinforcing that identity.

I don't really know what the solution is here, though I think trans people need to self police their communities better and I think it's getting past time to reject people who self-identify and self-diagnose out of whole cloth like this. I feel the same way about mental health-based communities on tumblr, where people simultaneously declare themselves mentally ill while also rejecting doctors and psychiatry because their physicians won't give them the same validation that tumblr will. I take it as a personal affront, given that I was actually diagnosed with bipolar when I was pretty young (loltrauma) and watched the mental health fad develop, as just that - a fad. You would think, "Why would anyone want to suffer the stigma of having a mental illness?" - and that's just it, in the communities these people frequent and participate in, it's not a stigma, it's a bonus. Back in the livejournal days there was entire communities of people with made up mental illnesses that would clamour to be heard with the same degree of seriousness as people with real mental illnesses. "Multiplicity" was my personal favorite, where a bunch of people decided they had multiple personality disorder (also a made up mental illness, but that wasn't quite as clear 20 years ago) but not in the crippling, awful way, actually in a super beneficial and ~special~ way! But also, you needed to take it just as seriously as bipolar. In a lot of communities, you still can't call those people out, even when it's clear that they're in the same sphere as otherkin at this point.

The real issue I take (and of course, I could be accused of concern trolling for this) is that this kind of overly accepting behavior ends up watering down the definitions of T/Q or mental illness or whatever tumblr's latched onto this year and the end result is that it's harder for people with real issues in these spheres to be taken seriously by everyone else. If somebody wakes up in the morning every day and looks in the mirror and sees something they're not comfortable with, at a visceral level, that is a real problem that they have, and somebody coming along who does not experience that should not be trying to appropriate that struggle. It's the same thing for mental illness. When somebody with legitimate PTSD is battling suicidal impulses every day and destroying their interpersonal relationships with their erratic behavior, it's pretty lovely when somebody comes along and decides that they, too, have PTSD, because they fired a gun one time, or because they failed a test, or somebody was really mean to them at school. Self-diagnosing PTSD (for example) isn't helping PTSD people, it's making it harder for PTSD people to be taken seriously because they're having to stand next to some rear end in a top hat who says they're unemployable because they had a rough time in high school.

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 15:48 on Apr 19, 2017

# ? Apr 19, 2017 15:44

darkwasthenight: Jan 7, 2011; GENE TRAITOR

Mirthless posted:

I think with genderfluid people they don't really have a firm gender identity. I can understand that, there are a lot of people who aren't comfortable with labels, I feel like I'm a bit there myself a lot of the time (though I'm happy to label myself cis just because I don't want to be That Guy who appropriates trans issues)

Bigender is really, really dumb, though, to me, anyway. You're not two people. It's one thing to not want to commit to a label, it's another to comfortably embrace your at-birth gender identity while still calling yourself a trans person and strapping yourself to the cross about it. It's also not really a healthy approach to what he seems to actually want here (which is to cross-dress, and present as female, while still being considered male) - not for him, given the damage it seems to be causing to his personal relationships, or for trans people, who have been trying to detach themselves from weird dudes who fetishize femininity for a very, very long time.

The whole T/Q part of the LGBTQ equation is... really hard to wrap my head around sometimes. I strive to be accepting, I really, really do, and I've been acquainted with trans people for a very long time but I've seen a whole lot of behavior along the way that was insanely self serving and definitely in the sphere of "the wrong reasons for doing this" and it's really hard to remark on it without coming across as transphobic or whatever. The stifling of conversation on the topic lately isn't doing the movement any favors, 12% of the 18-34 demo identifies as T/Q and let's be honest here: there is no way that number is accurate and if it's not accurate there needs to be an expansion of dialog and a willingness to call people out that just isn't there. That's why people like this guy get away with this in the first place. I blame tumblr for this, and I don't mean in the "Them Ess Jay Doubles!" sense, I mean, tumblr is a community that rewards people for being trans or genderqueer, and in a lot of progressive communities in that sphere cis is literally a slur. Peer pressure in these communities pushes people to reach for weird labels to describe themselves when they've never experienced real dysphoria over their gender identity prior to being introduced to them. I loved playing with dolls when I was a kid, I enjoy having long hair, I actually smile when people accidentally call me ma'am! But I'm a guy, and I'm comfortable with that, and for the most part I always have been. I could easily have seen myself getting caught up in the pressure to identify myself as T/Q in a community like tumblr, though, and the endless cycle of validation and rejection of criticism would have probably gone a long way to reinforcing that identity.

I don't really know what the solution is here, though I think trans people need to self police their communities better and I think it's getting past time to reject people who self-identify and self-diagnose out of whole cloth like this. I feel the same way about mental health-based communities on tumblr, where people simultaneously declare themselves mentally ill while also rejecting doctors and psychiatry because their physicians won't give them the same validation that tumblr will. I take it as a personal affront, given that I was actually diagnosed with bipolar when I was pretty young (loltrauma) and watched the mental health fad develop, as just that - a fad. You would think, "Why would anyone want to suffer the stigma of having a mental illness?" - and that's just it, in the communities these people frequent and participate in, it's not a stigma, it's a bonus. Back in the livejournal days there was entire communities of people with made up mental illnesses that would clamour to be heard with the same degree of seriousness as people with real mental illnesses. "Multiplicity" was my personal favorite, where a bunch of people decided they had multiple personality disorder (also a made up mental illness, but that wasn't quite as clear 20 years ago) but not in the crippling, awful way, actually in a super beneficial and ~special~ way! But also, you needed to take it just as seriously as bipolar. In a lot of communities, you still can't call those people out, even when it's clear that they're in the same sphere as otherkin at this point.

The real issue I take (and of course, I could be accused of concern trolling for this) is that this kind of overly accepting behavior ends up watering down the definitions of T/Q or mental illness or whatever tumblr's latched onto this year and the end result is that it's harder for people with real issues in these spheres to be taken seriously by everyone else. If somebody wakes up in the morning every day and looks in the mirror and sees something they're not comfortable with, at a visceral level, that is a real problem that they have, and somebody coming along who does not experience that should not be trying to appropriate that struggle. It's the same thing for mental illness. When somebody with legitimate PTSD is battling suicidal impulses every day and destroying their interpersonal relationships with their erratic behavior, it's pretty lovely when somebody comes along and decides that they, too, have PTSD, because they fired a gun one time, or because they failed a test, or somebody was really mean to them at school. Self-diagnosing PTSD (for example) isn't helping PTSD people, it's making it harder for PTSD people to be taken seriously because they're having to stand next to some rear end in a top hat who says they're unemployable because they had a rough time in high school.

This is a McDonald's drive thru, are you gonna take my order or not?

# ? Apr 19, 2017 15:52

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

darkwasthenight posted:

This is a McDonald's drive thru, are you gonna take my order or not?

you know, this might be an appropriate and/or funny response if we weren't right smack in the middle of a serious conversation, but here, it's just white noise. Try harder.

edit: vvv if you want a meltdown, here's one: go gently caress yourself. every time anyone in this thread tries to put more than two paragraphs together about a topic there's a trickle of you idiots who only make one-sentence long contributions to this thread to come in making the same tired loving jokes. get a new comedy routine, you're loving boring.

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 15:59 on Apr 19, 2017

# ? Apr 19, 2017 15:54

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

Mirthless posted:

you know, this might be an appropriate and/or funny response if we weren't right smack in the middle of a serious conversation, but here, it's just white noise. Try harder.

Nice meltdown.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 15:57

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Mirthless posted:

you know, this might be an appropriate and/or funny response if we weren't right smack in the middle of a serious conversation, but here, it's just white noise. Try harder.

How dare he mock you, the great and wise Mirthless, on these sacred dead, gay comedy forums.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 15:59

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

your longwinded opinions on trans culture or whatever aren't actually any less self-indulgent worthless garbage than the tumblr teenager's extended backstory on how they're a biological male who enjoys salads and it's queerbashing if anyone refers to them without acknowledging that

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:01

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Who What Now posted:

How dare he mock you, the great and wise Mirthless, on these sacred dead, gay comedy forums.

On this, the day of xir xhe's wedding.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:04

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

You wrote a Goddamn manifesto in a GBS thread devoted to making fun of peoples bad decisions and are surprised when someone makes fun of your own bad decision

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:04

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

purple death ray posted:

You wrote a Goddamn manifesto in a GBS thread devoted to making fun of peoples bad decisions and are surprised when someone makes fun of your own bad decision

Especially considering that nothing he wrote was particularly insightful or worthwhile.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:10

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I don't care that people made fun of him, but can we come up with some new disses? It's just a meme it isn't clever in the slightest

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:11

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Pick posted:

I don't care that people made fun of him, but can we come up with some new disses? It's just a meme it isn't clever in the slightest

Yea, "drive thru window" and "nice meltdown" are both played out.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:11

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Pick posted:

I don't care that people made fun of him, but can we come up with some new disses? It's just a meme it isn't clever in the slightest

this is it entirely

McDonald's Cash Register was funny. "Sir, this is the mcdonalds drive thru" for the 300th time really isn't, it's just loving dumb.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:14

putrid aidsman: Apr 13, 2017; by Lowtax

Mirthless posted:

I think with genderfluid people they don't really have a firm gender identity. I can understand that, there are a lot of people who aren't comfortable with labels, I feel like I'm a bit there myself a lot of the time (though I'm happy to label myself cis just because I don't want to be That Guy who appropriates trans issues)

Bigender is really, really dumb, though, to me, anyway. You're not two people. It's one thing to not want to commit to a label, it's another to comfortably embrace your at-birth gender identity while still calling yourself a trans person and strapping yourself to the cross about it. It's also not really a healthy approach to what he seems to actually want here (which is to cross-dress, and present as female, while still being considered male) - not for him, given the damage it seems to be causing to his personal relationships, or for trans people, who have been trying to detach themselves from weird dudes who fetishize femininity for a very, very long time.

The whole T/Q part of the LGBTQ equation is... really hard to wrap my head around sometimes. I strive to be accepting, I really, really do, and I've been acquainted with trans people for a very long time but I've seen a whole lot of behavior along the way that was insanely self serving and definitely in the sphere of "the wrong reasons for doing this" and it's really hard to remark on it without coming across as transphobic or whatever. The stifling of conversation on the topic lately isn't doing the movement any favors, 12% of the 18-34 demo identifies as T/Q and let's be honest here: there is no way that number is accurate and if it's not accurate there needs to be an expansion of dialog and a willingness to call people out that just isn't there. That's why people like this guy get away with this in the first place. I blame tumblr for this, and I don't mean in the "Them Ess Jay Doubles!" sense, I mean, tumblr is a community that rewards people for being trans or genderqueer, and in a lot of progressive communities in that sphere cis is literally a slur. Peer pressure in these communities pushes people to reach for weird labels to describe themselves when they've never experienced real dysphoria over their gender identity prior to being introduced to them. I loved playing with dolls when I was a kid, I enjoy having long hair, I actually smile when people accidentally call me ma'am! But I'm a guy, and I'm comfortable with that, and for the most part I always have been. I could easily have seen myself getting caught up in the pressure to identify myself as T/Q in a community like tumblr, though, and the endless cycle of validation and rejection of criticism would have probably gone a long way to reinforcing that identity.

I don't really know what the solution is here, though I think trans people need to self police their communities better and I think it's getting past time to reject people who self-identify and self-diagnose out of whole cloth like this. I feel the same way about mental health-based communities on tumblr, where people simultaneously declare themselves mentally ill while also rejecting doctors and psychiatry because their physicians won't give them the same validation that tumblr will. I take it as a personal affront, given that I was actually diagnosed with bipolar when I was pretty young (loltrauma) and watched the mental health fad develop, as just that - a fad. You would think, "Why would anyone want to suffer the stigma of having a mental illness?" - and that's just it, in the communities these people frequent and participate in, it's not a stigma, it's a bonus. Back in the livejournal days there was entire communities of people with made up mental illnesses that would clamour to be heard with the same degree of seriousness as people with real mental illnesses. "Multiplicity" was my personal favorite, where a bunch of people decided they had multiple personality disorder (also a made up mental illness, but that wasn't quite as clear 20 years ago) but not in the crippling, awful way, actually in a super beneficial and ~special~ way! But also, you needed to take it just as seriously as bipolar. In a lot of communities, you still can't call those people out, even when it's clear that they're in the same sphere as otherkin at this point.

The real issue I take (and of course, I could be accused of concern trolling for this) is that this kind of overly accepting behavior ends up watering down the definitions of T/Q or mental illness or whatever tumblr's latched onto this year and the end result is that it's harder for people with real issues in these spheres to be taken seriously by everyone else. If somebody wakes up in the morning every day and looks in the mirror and sees something they're not comfortable with, at a visceral level, that is a real problem that they have, and somebody coming along who does not experience that should not be trying to appropriate that struggle. It's the same thing for mental illness. When somebody with legitimate PTSD is battling suicidal impulses every day and destroying their interpersonal relationships with their erratic behavior, it's pretty lovely when somebody comes along and decides that they, too, have PTSD, because they fired a gun one time, or because they failed a test, or somebody was really mean to them at school. Self-diagnosing PTSD (for example) isn't helping PTSD people, it's making it harder for PTSD people to be taken seriously because they're having to stand next to some rear end in a top hat who says they're unemployable because they had a rough time in high school.

im gay

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:17

putrid aidsman: Apr 13, 2017; by Lowtax

Mirthless posted:

you know, this might be an appropriate and/or funny response if we weren't right smack in the middle of a serious conversation, but here, it's just white noise. Try harder.

edit: vvv if you want a meltdown, here's one: go gently caress yourself. every time anyone in this thread tries to put more than two paragraphs together about a topic there's a trickle of you idiots who only make one-sentence long contributions to this thread to come in making the same tired loving jokes. get a new comedy routine, you're loving boring.

*fart*

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:18

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Mirthless posted:

this is it entirely

McDonald's Cash Register was funny. "Sir, this is the mcdonalds drive thru" for the 300th time really isn't, it's just loving dumb.

Sir, this is a Wal*Mart returns counter.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:19

ZearothK: Aug 25, 2008; I've lost twice, I've failed twice and I've gotten two dishonorable mentions within 7 weeks. But I keep coming back. I am The Trooper!

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2021

Mirthless posted:

this is it entirely

McDonald's Cash Register was funny. "Sir, this is the mcdonalds drive thru" for the 300th time really isn't, it's just loving dumb.

It would be if the reaction was more indifferent.

This is Bullying 101, come on.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:21

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Who What Now posted:

Sir, this is a Wal*Mart returns counter.

Okay it's funny again

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:21

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Mirthless posted:

this is it entirely

McDonald's Cash Register was funny. "Sir, this is the mcdonalds drive thru" for the 300th time really isn't, it's just loving dumb.

said in Comic Book Guy Voice

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:21

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

Mirthless posted:

edit: vvv if you want a meltdown, here's one: go gently caress yourself. every time anyone in this thread tries to put more than two paragraphs together about a topic there's a trickle of you idiots who only make one-sentence long contributions to this thread to come in making the same tired loving jokes. get a new comedy routine, you're loving boring.

After a catching your edit and performing a thorough review, I have concluded that I must regretfully retract my previous post.

This meltdown exceeds the previous one in quality.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:21

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Who What Now posted:

Sir, this is a Wal*Mart returns counter.

today in: Reddit gets a real hobby

My [22M] girlfriend [21F] of 1 year is obsessed with photography, and it's killing me

quote:

I've been dating this girl (let's call her Jamie) for just over a year now. Everything is great - we have matching sex drives, are both studying the same thing at school, and have a lot of other things in common. I�m quite inexperienced though � she�s my first romantic and sexual partner (while she�s had a few boyfriends and partners before me).

I really love this girl. She�s sweet, smart, kind, caring, and absolutely beautiful. However, she shows a lot of signs of anxiety, particularly having to do with photographing and recording a huge majority of her life.

As an example, not long ago I was out with her family for Easter dinner and her birthday and the entire day she wouldn�t stop taking photos and asking other people to pose and take photos which got on almost everybody�s nerves, including mine. A few months ago, she came and stayed with me in my hometown, and the whole time she was pestering me about photos � I brought her out to a nice quiet area by the ocean and she kept yelling at me to hold poses and take photos of her which drove me insane � I couldn�t wait for her to leave. Her father is exactly like her too, constantly obsessing over photographs and making sure that they�re properly stored and safeguarded. She may have picked up this behavior from him.

Jamie is totally obsessed with photography. Shortly after I started dating her (about a few weeks in), she slowly started to reveal this behavior. I thought it was cute at first, but it got really out of hand quickly. She won�t stop taking photos on Snapchat (for example when I say �cute things�, she�ll take a photo of me and write down what I said, sometimes freaking out about writing down the �exact thing� that I said, asking me over and over to repeat exactly what I said). She�s constantly doing this 24/7, even at 3 a.m. when I�m trying to get to sleep next to her which is extremely annoying to me.

She constantly talks about and obsesses about taking photos � with her phone, her digital camera, and her polaroid camera. She also constantly talks about posting these photos to social media � Facebook, Instagram, her Snapchat story and what caption to put on these photos. She�s super caught up with all of this, oftentimes ignoring school and other responsibilities in her life to focus on this obsession.

Overall, all of this has impacted my life quite a bit. If she can�t record something or if she regrets not taking a photo (or taking the �wrong� photo) or posting the �wrong� photo or the �wrong� caption on a photo, she�ll break down, often to the point of tears and sometimes screams.

In addition, she oftentimes will stay in her house all day, �working on sorting her photos�. Last time I checked her laptop, she had over 80,000 photos stored on there and I wouldn�t be surprised if her collection of photos was in the hundreds of thousands. I�ve also been reluctant to go on dates and do exciting things with her, particularly on �important days� where I know that she�ll want to take a lot of photos. The thought of going out and doing something with her makes me feel uneasy, because I know that all she�ll want to do is go and take photos, and worry incessantly when she�s not able to do so or when she feels like she�s missed an opportunity for a photo (I�ll often hear about this for days if it occurs).

I think that she may have some form of anxiety or OCD, but she refuses to go see someone to talk about it, claiming that therapists haven�t done anything for her in the past (although she�s agreed that this behavior impacts her life at a few points). Talking to other people who know her, she�s apparently also been like this for years, and apparently it�s gotten worse over time.

I don�t know what to do about all of this. I really love Jamie, but I�m also sick of her obsession with photographs and �recording the moment� as I feel that this oftentimes prevents me from living in the moment and enjoying my time with her. When I go out on a date with her, I want to enjoy my food � I don�t want to wait 5 minutes for her to take photos of it. I don�t want to spend my nights helping her choose a filter for an Instagram post. I don�t want to be forced to post things to my Facebook and Instagram page to make her feel happy. Quite honestly, if I didn�t have any photographs of me or my past I probably wouldn�t care too much.

I don�t want to lose Jamie though � I�m very in love with her, and she�s so amazing to me in many ways. However, everyone of my friends and her friends think that we're a great couple. I feel like I may also be a bit possessive of her since she�s my first ever romantic partner � the thought of her being with anyone else makes me angry and for this reason I don�t want to leave her. But maybe this is because she�s my first love and I�ve got these rose-tinted glasses on or something.

What should I do? I�m clueless about what to do in this situation. I want her to change, but at the same time I know that a behavior so ingrained as this one will be difficult or impossible to change, especially as she doesn�t want to change it. I�ve tried talking to her about this and how I feel about it, and she�s broken down crying, blaming and insulting herself. I don�t know what to do!

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:22

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

today in: Reddit gets a real hobby

My [22M] girlfriend [21F] of 1 year is obsessed with photography, and it's killing me

I can think of a lot of worse things to be obsessed about but she sounds really exhausting

They should probably break up. He's not into photography pretty much at all while it seems to be the thing that drives his girlfriend's life. Her hobby/obsession is probably going to end up being her career eventually, and if he can't get on board with that now he should probably tap out before they're years into the relationship and resenting each other over the compromises they have to make to make their relationship work.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:27

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Mirthless posted:

I think with genderfluid people they don't really have a firm gender identity. I can understand that, there are a lot of people who aren't comfortable with labels, I feel like I'm a bit there myself a lot of the time (though I'm happy to label myself cis just because I don't want to be That Guy who appropriates trans issues)

Bigender is really, really dumb, though, to me, anyway. You're not two people. It's one thing to not want to commit to a label, it's another to comfortably embrace your at-birth gender identity while still calling yourself a trans person and strapping yourself to the cross about it. It's also not really a healthy approach to what he seems to actually want here (which is to cross-dress, and present as female, while still being considered male) - not for him, given the damage it seems to be causing to his personal relationships, or for trans people, who have been trying to detach themselves from weird dudes who fetishize femininity for a very, very long time.

The whole T/Q part of the LGBTQ equation is... really hard to wrap my head around sometimes. I strive to be accepting, I really, really do, and I've been acquainted with trans people for a very long time but I've seen a whole lot of behavior along the way that was insanely self serving and definitely in the sphere of "the wrong reasons for doing this" and it's really hard to remark on it without coming across as transphobic or whatever. The stifling of conversation on the topic lately isn't doing the movement any favors, 12% of the 18-34 demo identifies as T/Q and let's be honest here: there is no way that number is accurate and if it's not accurate there needs to be an expansion of dialog and a willingness to call people out that just isn't there. That's why people like this guy get away with this in the first place. I blame tumblr for this, and I don't mean in the "Them Ess Jay Doubles!" sense, I mean, tumblr is a community that rewards people for being trans or genderqueer, and in a lot of progressive communities in that sphere cis is literally a slur. Peer pressure in these communities pushes people to reach for weird labels to describe themselves when they've never experienced real dysphoria over their gender identity prior to being introduced to them. I loved playing with dolls when I was a kid, I enjoy having long hair, I actually smile when people accidentally call me ma'am! But I'm a guy, and I'm comfortable with that, and for the most part I always have been. I could easily have seen myself getting caught up in the pressure to identify myself as T/Q in a community like tumblr, though, and the endless cycle of validation and rejection of criticism would have probably gone a long way to reinforcing that identity.

I don't really know what the solution is here, though I think trans people need to self police their communities better and I think it's getting past time to reject people who self-identify and self-diagnose out of whole cloth like this. I feel the same way about mental health-based communities on tumblr, where people simultaneously declare themselves mentally ill while also rejecting doctors and psychiatry because their physicians won't give them the same validation that tumblr will. I take it as a personal affront, given that I was actually diagnosed with bipolar when I was pretty young (loltrauma) and watched the mental health fad develop, as just that - a fad. You would think, "Why would anyone want to suffer the stigma of having a mental illness?" - and that's just it, in the communities these people frequent and participate in, it's not a stigma, it's a bonus. Back in the livejournal days there was entire communities of people with made up mental illnesses that would clamour to be heard with the same degree of seriousness as people with real mental illnesses. "Multiplicity" was my personal favorite, where a bunch of people decided they had multiple personality disorder (also a made up mental illness, but that wasn't quite as clear 20 years ago) but not in the crippling, awful way, actually in a super beneficial and ~special~ way! But also, you needed to take it just as seriously as bipolar. In a lot of communities, you still can't call those people out, even when it's clear that they're in the same sphere as otherkin at this point.

The real issue I take (and of course, I could be accused of concern trolling for this) is that this kind of overly accepting behavior ends up watering down the definitions of T/Q or mental illness or whatever tumblr's latched onto this year and the end result is that it's harder for people with real issues in these spheres to be taken seriously by everyone else. If somebody wakes up in the morning every day and looks in the mirror and sees something they're not comfortable with, at a visceral level, that is a real problem that they have, and somebody coming along who does not experience that should not be trying to appropriate that struggle. It's the same thing for mental illness. When somebody with legitimate PTSD is battling suicidal impulses every day and destroying their interpersonal relationships with their erratic behavior, it's pretty lovely when somebody comes along and decides that they, too, have PTSD, because they fired a gun one time, or because they failed a test, or somebody was really mean to them at school. Self-diagnosing PTSD (for example) isn't helping PTSD people, it's making it harder for PTSD people to be taken seriously because they're having to stand next to some rear end in a top hat who says they're unemployable because they had a rough time in high school.

Cool opinion about trans people from a straight white boy, really glad to have this underrepresented and hard to find opinion in the funy reddit thread

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:26

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

My mom got super into pictures for a while and there's an entire phase in my teens where I'm just exasperated or scowling in a lot of pictures and it's pretty funny to look at now.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:27

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Improbable Lobster posted:

Cool opinion about trans people from a straight white boy, really glad to have this underrepresented and hard to find opinion in the funy reddit thread

"everyone who I disagree with must be a straight person" is definitely a progressive position to take, lol

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:28

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Improbable Lobster posted:

Cool opinion about trans people from a straight white boy, really glad to have this underrepresented and hard to find opinion in the funy reddit thread

otoh this is how you lose elections, by having someone try to start a conversation in good faith and then you making a real long fart sound with your mouth

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:29

FabioClone: Oct 3, 2004; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Pick posted:

otoh this is how you lose elections, by having someone try to start a conversation in good faith and then you making a real long fart sound with your mouth

I'm not voting for Improbable Lobster anymore, he and/or she is out of touch with the common man and/or woman.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:31

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Pick posted:

otoh this is how you lose elections, by having someone try to start a conversation in good faith and then you making a real long fart sound with your mouth

I'm not a politician or an american and I don't see how "trans people should self police more because I don't understand them" is an conversation that has merit.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:31

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Khorne posted:

I question the legitimacy of this statement. As someone with a real big scar on his chest and lots of other scars, it's usually quite the opposite.

I have a facial scar, with a cool story behind it, but I was fortunate that it's prominent enough to be noticeable, but not so prominent that its unattractive or off-putting. Eventually people i meet and know kind of 'forget' that its there.

Chicks don't "dig scars"; they dig interesting guys, tough guys, confident guys in various measures. Guys who are comfortable with their scars are guys who are comfortable with themselves. Scars just tell a story like a tattoo you didn't choose.

I just had a personal epiphany about why I've never wanted a tattoo.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:32

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

Mirthless posted:

"everyone who I disagree with must be a straight person" is definitely a progressive position to take, lol

Aren't you a white man in a relationship with a woman though

I'm not trying to troll but it just seems like a comment based on information you've revealed in this thread.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:32

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Improbable Lobster posted:

I'm not a politician or an american and I don't see how "trans people should self police more because I don't understand them" is an conversation that has merit.

Their conversation doesn't have to have merit you just don't have to aggressively poo poo on them for trying to voice it.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:32

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

That sounds like some sort of psychosis to me. She's treating photos the way other people treat the bottles of urine they save under their bed. Actually having people repeatedly pose while they are trying to have a conversation enough to annoy everyone in the room sounds absolutely maddening.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS fucked around with this message at 16:34 on Apr 19, 2017

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:32

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

Mirthless posted:

I can think of a lot of worse things to be obsessed about but she sounds really exhausting

They should probably break up. He's not into photography pretty much at all while it seems to be the thing that drives his girlfriend's life. Her hobby/obsession is probably going to end up being her career eventually, and if he can't get on board with that now he should probably tap out before they're years into the relationship and resenting each other over the compromises they have to make to make their relationship work.

I dunno. I feel like there's a difference between photography as a hobby/career and taking pictures as an obsession. In my view, photography, as an art, does not include snapchatting the things your retard boyfriend says at 2 AM or posting every meal for everyone at the table on instagram. With hundreds of thousands of pictures, I'm sure she has some very nice photos saved, but I doubt she has the time to spend going through them and building a good portfolio if this guy isn't exaggerating.

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:32

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 00:21

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Charles Get-Out posted:

Aren't you a white man in a relationship with a woman though

I'm not trying to troll but it just seems like a comment based on information you've revealed in this thread.

bisexual people aren't real

you've done this to me before, you're a real rear end in a top hat, you know that?

# ? Apr 19, 2017 16:33

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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