YeahTubaMike posted:

i am not sure who his favorite one was, but he was definitely partial to new jack and the dudley boyz

new phone who dis posted:

Any time someone has to tell me how mature someone is for their age a gigantic nuclear siren starts going off in my head.

new phone who dis posted:

Any time someone has to tell me how mature someone is for their age a gigantic nuclear siren starts going off in my head.

fruit on the bottom posted:

Well, his age still doesn't track with the timeline.

Tiny Deer posted:

The 'great' thing about dating a vulnerable adult is that it doesn't matter how old they were when they met, he's a massive loving predator anyway. It's just whether he's a child predator or not.

(Yeah he definitely is.)

Patrick Spens posted:

I don't want to defend this guy, but someone with Aspergers/HFA is certainly capable of being in a sexual relationship, and dating them wouldn't necessarily make you a predator.

quote:

My brother has cerebral palsy, has difficulty walking, some speech impediments, motor limitations, etc. He’s very smart and has achieved a lot. (EDITOR'S NOTE: many people with cerebral palsy, like this brother, have no mental handicaps.) He is, though, very sheltered. My mom has raised him on her own; because of this all of his sisters (three of us) and my mom are very protective. My brother hasn’t really had many male influences in his life; my fiancé has been really the only one. My fiancé is going away for a “bachelor party weekend” at a Cabin. They have cases of beer, hard alcohol, cigars, Blu-Ray of the Godfather & Goodfellas, stacks of meat (not a single vegetable), and enough chips to feed an army. At first, my fiancé was going alone, but invited my brother along who is so excited. He can’t believe he’s going on a guy’s weekend.

He’s 18 and needs to get out there, but we’re protective of him and worried. I keep broaching the subject with my fiancé about it, but he’s completely dismissive or answers questions with random non-sequiturs. I asked him if they were going to let him drink and he said (direct quote) “can’t say for sure if cats wear pajamas” (his actual answer). I asked him about keeping a special eye on my brother so he doesn’t get beaten up or somehow hurt and he responded with: “I, too, like Taco Salads” (another direct quote). Every time I ask a question or make a special request, he says I need to let go and stop “strangling him with his own umbilical cord.”

Our whole lives we’ve worked to protect our brother and it’s hard to let go. I know he’s grown up, but I feel like my fiancé needs to take my concerns seriously. This whole thing is stressing me out more and more, and I’m not sure if I’m the problem or my fiancé is just not taking my concerns seriously.

For what it’s worth, my brother is beyond ready to go and cannot fathom staying home this weekend. He's known my fiancé since we began dating 3 1/2 years ago and is very comfortable with him and many of his friends, so he has absolutely no concerns about going.

*EDIT: My brother grabbed his passport, my fiance arrived and they told me everything. It's a boys weekend in Montreal (where my brother can legally drink). Apparently my mother knew, they are taking a flight and gave me hotel details, and a copy of the traveler's insurance they bought my brother. My brother said "See ya, sis!" and barreled to the uber as fast as he could and everyone's gone.

tl;dr: My handicapped brother is being taken by my fiancé and some friends for a bachelor party weekend. I'm terrified for my brother's well-being but my fiancé makes jokes and won't take my concerns seriously and says we need to let him be. I'm not sure if I'm the problem, or the lack of seriousness on the part of my guy.

Tiny Deer posted:

That's incredibly sad and depressing, though, and I'm being a downer. Here's a story about a disabled person that ends well.

My fiancé [27/M] is taking my handicapped brother [18/M] away for the weekend with friends. My mother [51/F] and I [28/F] are terrified. My fiancé won’t take our concerns seriously and is making jokes about it. Am I being too meddling?


You go have fun in Montreal, kiddo.

Tiny Deer posted:

That's incredibly sad and depressing, though, and I'm being a downer. Here's a story about a disabled person that ends well.

My fiancé [27/M] is taking my handicapped brother [18/M] away for the weekend with friends. My mother [51/F] and I [28/F] are terrified. My fiancé won’t take our concerns seriously and is making jokes about it. Am I being too meddling?


You go have fun in Montreal, kiddo.

fruit on the bottom posted:

Those were some weird answers though.

Pick posted:

Tiny Deer posted:

That's incredibly sad and depressing, though, and I'm being a downer. Here's a story about a disabled person that ends well.

My fiancé [27/M] is taking my handicapped brother [18/M] away for the weekend with friends. My mother [51/F] and I [28/F] are terrified. My fiancé won’t take our concerns seriously and is making jokes about it. Am I being too meddling?


You go have fun in Montreal, kiddo.

fruit on the bottom posted:

Those were some weird answers though.

quote:

I am in medical school, and since I’m starting my rotations next year, I’ve been thinking about ways to look/present more professionally, so that people will take me more seriously (I look like I’m about 15). At dinner last night, I joked to Ben that maybe I should cut my hair to look more professional, even though I like having long hair. He laughed and said “well if you do, I’ll assume you want a new boyfriend.” At my raised eyebrow, he then elaborated to say that he “didn’t sign up to date a 24 year-old who looked like a dude.” When I asked what that meant, he got all defensive and said that while my personality is certainly an “asset,” his top priority, as a 28 year-old, is first and foremost to have a girlfriend who is hot. Thus, if I ever cut my hair, it would negate all of my other qualities, and he would have to dump me.

I am literally in med school to become an oncologist. I asked him, slightly disbelievingly, what would happen if I got sick, etc., and my appearance changed, and he was like “that’s different because you didn’t choose it, and I’d have to suck it up, I just wouldn’t be happy about it.” I got kind of quiet, asked again if he was serious, and explained that I love him; I’d stick by him through anything, and I thought he felt the same. (Honestly, the most ridiculous thing about it was that I’m not particularly “hot” to begin with, but that’s besides the point.)

Well, he lost it. He didn’t yell, exactly, because we were in public, but he got extremely angry and basically said that my personality is “fine” but his favorite thing about me is that I’m the “whole package” (looks and intelligence), and I’m like a younger, hotter version of his ex. He also mentioned that he thinks it’s “whiny” for me to be concerned about this, I’m way too sensitive, and when I asked him what he actually liked about me at all, he was like “why do you even care? Isn’t it good enough that I like you?” He then said that whenever he’s with me he feels extreme guilt because he basically broke up with his long-term girlfriend to pursue me, and that falling for me feels like betraying her. He said I can never truly understand what it feels like to “ruin someone else’s life” by breaking up with them, and that he will never, ever recover from the emotional guilt he carries for ruining her life by ending their relationship.

I tried to (very gently) suggest that maybe he should talk to someone if he still felt this intensely guilty about a break up, two years after the fact; I asked if there was anything I could do to help. In response, he shut me down, saying that I can’t understand how badly he hurt his ex. He literally compared it to hitting a pedestrian with your car. (I start trauma rotations in a couple of months, so comparing a break up to a car accident seems extreme to me, but it didn’t seem like the best time to point that out…). At this point I was basically in tears, so he calmed down and said that he likes me more than he has ever liked anyone, but some of that is related to the way I look, and he doesn’t understand why I can’t just be satisfied with that. I said I wanted to think about it and called a cab.

Tiny Deer posted:

quote:

I asked him if they were going to let him drink and he said (direct quote) “can’t say for sure if cats wear pajamas” (his actual answer). I asked him about keeping a special eye on my brother so he doesn’t get beaten up or somehow hurt and he responded with: “I, too, like Taco Salads” (another direct quote).

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

weird answer to some weird loving questions

My [24F] boyfriend of 1.5 years [28M] told me he would dump me if I got a haircut, because I'm supposed to be hotter than his ex.

Yolo Swaggins Esq posted:

Okay I almost exclusively lurk a bunch of threads in pfy, and I know that Pick has explicitly said she's trolling to some extent, but I find I agree with her a concerning amount
.... Is this concerning, like.... Shoukd I seek more therapy? or should I do a mirthless and start posting why for every content post? Because I think I may be an idiot broken weirdo lady , and the mirthless answer is obviously more entertaining for this thread, but please goons tell me which is worse?

Danaru posted:

This sounds like the most irritating poo poo in the world and dear god I hope that's not something he does all the time

Danaru posted:

This sounds like the most irritating poo poo in the world and dear god I hope that's not something he does all the time

Yolo Swaggins Esq posted:

Okay I almost exclusively lurk a bunch of threads in pfy, and I know that Pick has explicitly said she's trolling to some extent, but I find I agree with her a concerning amount
.... Is this concerning, like.... Shoukd I seek more therapy? or should I do a mirthless and start posting why for every content post? Because I think I may be an idiot broken weirdo lady , and the mirthless answer is obviously more entertaining for this thread, but please goons tell me which is worse?

quote:

My mum raised us on her own after our dad ran out on when I was 2 months old.

Growing up, my brother and I were geeks and a lot of our love for geeky things came from my mum- for example, she was the one that got us into Dungeons and Dragons and she and my brother are actually a part of one of my D&D groups which she hosts at her house.

My party members and DM find it totally cool that our family is into this stuff to the point where another player started bringing her dad and sister along as well.

So you can kind of tell, the three of us (mum, bro and me) are pretty tight knit.

When I turned 18, my mum, bro and I went hiking in Mongolia. Nobody said anything then. The people we went with thought it was really cool that my mum was there and she was running circles some of the people who were half her age- she goes to the gym everyday.

Last year my mum did the Kokado trail, it's 96km and she finished it.

Later this year, she wants to do the Inca Trail which is about half and length and time.

My bro and I have decided to join her since it's one of the 7 wonders and also pay for it since we're earning good money now and wanted to treat our mum to a vacation. We're also doing another 9 day hike in Patagonia.

This time however, we're getting a lot of comments about how "it's time to cut the apron strings" and that it's weird that we're taking our mum at all (never mind that she's really the one taking us, it was her idea).

I've had her brother, my uncle tell me that I should be taking my mum to Bali or Fiji so "she can relax". He's really annoying though because he never helped out when my mum become a single mum but has an opinion on everything.

I've explained that she's going to go to South America no matter what either of us say.

My workmates and friends outside my D&D group think it's weird that I'm even travelling with my mum at all because I won't be able to get laid. I've tried explaining that it's not that kind of trip but they just laugh. I've had cracks about how I'm a mommy's boy and that I'm too old to travel with my mum.

My brother's been getting similar comments. I don't understand why. We both live out of home, have stable jobs, cook, clean, do everything ourselves, we just like spending time with our mum once a week.

I get that it's unusual but why is that bad to the point of people assuming that 1) my mum is some helpless senior citizen who needs her kids to tell her what to do or 2) it's not some chore or duty to spend time with my mum? And it's not because I'm a mummy's boy. I've traveled without her, she's traveled without us, it's our first trip in 5 years.

tl;dr: What's some good comebacks/approaches to handling these comments? They're starting to get to me a bit even though I'm excited about the trip.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

That's sort of what happens when you treat the disabled like infants.

Tiny Deer posted:

Mirthless is worse but if you find yourself agreeing with Pick's trolling too much, do what I do: expose yourself to stories of men being kind, decent human beings. They exist!


Their marriage is probably going to be a shitshow, but I'm choosing to focus on the silver lining of this poor kid getting a single moment of unsupervised happiness.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

How do we [23M] & [26M] handle being made fun of for planning to do the Inca Trail and Patagonia with our mum [56F]?

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

How do we [23M] & [26M] handle being made fun of for planning to do the Inca Trail and Patagonia with our mum [56F]?

Tiny Deer posted:

Blu-Ray of the Godfather & Goodfellas, stacks of meat (not a single vegetable), and enough chips to feed an army.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

How do we [23M] & [26M] handle being made fun of for planning to do the Inca Trail and Patagonia with our mum [56F]?