/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Pretty good: Apr 16, 2007

How do I [30f] constructively explain to my husband [33m] that our dead bedroom issue is a hygiene issue?

quote:

First, the basics: I've been with my husband for about 8 years, married for 5. I have a normal-to-high sex drive. I would love to start having sex with my husband again. I just want to put that right out there up top. I am also very interested in working this out. Things were great for the first seven years of our relationship and I'd like to see if we can find a return to form.

For most of our relationship we were kind of a 2-3x a week deal. It was never more frequent than that because he doesn't like daytime sex and is rarely interested until late in the evening. I work 10 hour shifts and get up at 5am to go to work so late evenings don't work so great for me. We have mostly dealt. This fact becomes relevant as the story progresses.

He had a nasty depressive episode last year that killed his interest in sex or, really anything else. He didn't go to a doctor then, much to my dismay. I don't know if I can get him to go to a doctor now. Probably not, because he's convinced that it's in the past and the only problem here is me. When he was depressed we stopped going out on dates and he stopped asking for sex or taking care of the house or hanging out with his friends. Since his 'recovery' he's started hanging out with his boys again and soliciting sex but basically nothing else. That nothing else includes showering. This is what started this whole thing, and I tried to be gentle about it (but apparently I was too gentle???) and what he wound up doing is finding dead bedroom forums online and has developed this strategy of trying to turn me on by trapping me in a logic argument right before I fall asleep at night.

The problem is 3 tiered: He showers once every 2 weeks if I'm lucky. It's never when I'm home or around, though. I am pretty sure he has lied to me about some of these shower events to get me to have sex with him. I know when his penis is dirty because it has a smell. I am not putting my mouth on a penis that smells the way his smells. At this point we're kind of beyond politeness so I told him exactly that. We are having sex monthly now. If he would just wash his penis where I can see him this would go up to the previous 2x a week.

The problem is that he has learned all this weird language from his new dead bedroom buddies (he has told me where he gets it from. I don't know why he keeps it up because it's not getting him laid!) and he's tried to argue with me about it? Saying that I shouldn't be trying to use sex as a bargaining chip even though i feel like 'wash your dick and i'll suck it' is a basic cause-effect relationship. He's now telling me that I have used sex in the past this way and I am escalating? His example is that I told him that if he wants more frequent sex he has to be okay with me having it before it cuts in to my seven odd hours of sleep a night. His whole argument seems to be that his life would be better if I had more frequent sex with him and he'd be in a better position to overcome his depression.... and the fact that I don't want to have sex with a smelly dude is evidence that I probably don't find him desirable at all.

And i have absolutely no idea how to respond to any of it. Because it's ridiculous.

And completely out of character for him.

I've just been saying, "Try showering when I'm home from work tomorrow and we'll see what happens."

And then he doesn't and we just start this argument all over again.

tl;dr: My husband has gotten it into his head that his depression is due to a lack of, er, head. Or sex in general. He thinks if I loved him I'd touch his dirty dick for his mental heath. How do I get him to wash his goddamn dick?

emphasis mine, also mods please change my name to Dead Bedroom Buddies

# ? Apr 24, 2017 00:02

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# ? May 31, 2024 23:55

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Haifisch posted:

He just needs to start making enough money to substitute for a personality. I mean, that's why people become lawyers in the first place, right?

Just imagine how stunted his relationship development will be with a career as a lawyer skewing his desirability. At least as a high school scrub nerd the bad apples would just move on.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 00:10

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Who What Now posted:

Yes, idiots. And they deserve to have their poo poo destroyed.

Nah? You should always check the oven. What if someone just made something and it's still in the oven? What if stuff dropped all over when the last person cooked? You probably want to clean that.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 00:23

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Khorne posted:

Nah? You should always check the oven. What if someone just made something and it's still in the oven? What if stuff dropped all over when the last person cooked? You probably want to clean that.

They should have taken it out and cleaned it, respectively.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 00:32

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

Polyamory, a cult?

I [23M] just found out that she [27F] of 4 years has been cheating on me and her reasons are "cultish." Infidelity

quote:

516 points 153 comments submitted 2 years ago by imlosingmymind101 to r/relationships
(Throwaway)

We have been together for 4 years. We had an amazing relationship. We talked about house layouts, kids names, pets and our future after i graduated. In the beginning she was very worried that i would cheat on her. Her last boyfriend did many times and i understood that. After awhile she got over it, she trusted me and i her. We had our problems and we worked through them. I can firmly say that we were deeply in love. But since September she was very distant. She talked about "her" and "her" plans on the future instead of "we" or "us" like she used to do for years.

I talked about this with her and she said that she was trying to find herself and looking more into the essence of the soul and the happiness she could find with herself.

For the past few weeks she has been talking to another guy that i knew was getting too involved too fast. texting all the time, and massive, massive walls of text she typed on her email as i passed by her computer. All the times i brought this up she would tell me the old "we are just friends" and that jazz and talking more about this "finding herself."

Last night i told her again that this relationship with this guy is really bothering me. And then she dropped this bomb on me: She starts to tell me that she loves him but not in the way she loves me. She states that now she believes that loving other people sexually is ok to her. That she holds hands and cuddles with him out in public because her BELIEFS now are OK with that.

I asked her if she did anything other then hold hand with this guy and she tells me no. When she left for work this morning i, ashamedly, looked at her emails. I found picture videos and walls of text to this man about her new BELIEFS and how everyone should just love each other. She wants to be a polygamist and have multiple people that she loves, love her back. She talked about leaving work early and not telling me. Then telling me lies and where to meet him after work.

This blew my mind, not because the hundreds of lies she told me but the complete 180 she has become since a few months ago. This is not the same person but some part of me thinks i am the one not getting the message as she talks as if the words of god told her to do this.

I love her more then i could love anyone and now i have a strangers things boxed up in my living room. waiting for her to get home. She has zero understanding now on how these things are effecting me. She thinks that because this is what her "soul" believes then there is no wrong.

What is happening to my life right now?

tl;dr: Girlfriend is a completely different person from a few months ago. Lies stacked on Lies and her complete non-understanding its having on me.

What indeed, buddy. What indeed.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 00:37

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

My shaman says I need to be single right now

# ? Apr 24, 2017 00:38

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; Can't post for 11 days!

I think we should open up the relationship
:byodame:

BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE!

# ? Apr 24, 2017 00:40

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

signs they cheated on you:

-ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME??!!
-We should open the relationship
-I understand if you want to cheat
-they come home at 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 in the morning
-trunk is full of lingerie, clothes, and condoms

# ? Apr 24, 2017 00:52

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

One year later: how /r/relationship_advice was right. And by right I mean wrong.

quote:

This is the final chapter of a story about a guy and a girl in a difficult relationship. The girl needs to spend a lot of time on herself, by herself. And the guy wants to be with the girl even though it would have been the saner route to leave her to her own issues. I'm the guy who likes a crazy difficult girl enough to try and make a relationship work.

Our relationship was build on trust, mutual interest and a hint of crazy.

My girlfriend was diagnosed with a borderline/narcissist streak. For those who don't know it, it is something else. And my official advice is to anyone who has has a dislike for inter-personal-conflict and isn't at least a bit misanthropic. It's not your regular cup of tea. RUN AS gently caress.

In essence, the problem is that, "if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck", it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation. You may not always want to let dragons into a pond, even if they can impersonate a duck.

The girl I love is actually a dragon. And if you let her control your life you will slowly turn into a shell of a person and probably will have to seek therapy soon to combat a severe depression. I had been warned by books, tons of people and even scared in believing this was unavoidable with cool drawings like this: http://i.imgur.com/vOTjW.png

BIG LESSON ONE:

If you ignore a dragon it will loving try to kill you. After she couldn't make up her mind about settling into an actual relationship after sexing me two or three times I did my best to ignore her. After two weeks she told the head of faculty I assaulted her. She went to the school counselor to get me expelled. Bragged to her friends about it.

How I dealt with it. It was easy to exploit the failing communication between school counselors and the head of faculty especially when someone forgets to mention the fact that the girl is actually a dragon. I forced school to take responsibility by telling that they should contact her therapist or something. And as expected the bureaucratic robots calls the situation too hot to handle and drops the whole issue. To resolve the inter-personal conflict this produced I involved all our mutual friends. Some close friends of her broke down. Tears streaming out of their eyes about how the dragon went to far. Having intervention talks with four other people is unholy awkward.

People simply can't relate to such issues. On one hand there is a girl who says she was assaulted. I knew I didn't do anything, so, I asked the obvious question: How were you assaulted? She answered �It felt like that.� Long story short. Her friends remain very confused. One guy speaks up and tells her that her poo poo is hosed up.

How did it affect my relation? Later that evening in the pub dragon starts crying, tells me she's sorry. She starts hitting on me and we have a happy relation for eight months straight. A few lesser problems pop up but nothing major compared to assault charges. I tried to bring up the subject, of what she did, and why she did it. But it would only make her angry. In the end her mom made some excuses, said she was sorry about what happened.

BIG LESSON TWO:

If your dragon shits in your pond, it's YOUR problem. She forgot her birth-control for a week on end. And she told me it was my problem. I was the immature poo poo that wouldn't take responsibility for her taking a pill. She would go out with her ex who still has romantic feelings for her. I would object. So I was a jealous gently caress. We would go to some festival together but then told me I couldn't come, first she decided to go with some other friends, then she told I was an outcast among her friends and she told me I couldn't come and she ended up going with her ex.

*How I dealt with it: *

Things like this begin to nag.

How did it affect my relation?

Whatever trust there was, there is about none left.

BIG LESSON THREE:

�As a dragon I can love, gently caress and do anything I want. I don't care what you think.�

After eight months she (we) stopped having sex. Which is half-way okay with me given what her dad supposedly did to her. The "why", I wondered after two-and-a-half months, is answered with �Because I feel like it.�

She talks about sex a whole lot with her girlfriends. Plans a trip to the Kamasutra-fair. But she can no longer have sex with her boyfriend. Meh. Then she tells me she still loves her ex and wants to be with him, but not in a relationship-way. She tells me she's confused. She stops eating for over 24 hours at a time and eats crackers to stop her from fainting. She hits on my best friend. She even tried kissing him once.

WRAAAAAAAAAA too much. So I, respectfully sound the retreat. I've had enough and we broke up 3 days ago. She reacted euphorically, she got all chatty and touchy-feely with our friends.

I'm preparing for the worst. She's telling her best friends I'm really sorry for breaking up with her because I started crying at one point. Which I did. But only because she's really intelligent and pretty and because I really liked her.

EDIT: the part of /r/relationship_advice being wrong is that clearly, I loved this girl. And she made me feel loved. Under different circumstances things might have worked out a lot better. We are still young, who knows what the future might hold. We haven't graduated still, we will move to Asia in a short while and there are a few other variables I can and will not control. It isn't easy having a relationship with a girl that has been diagnosed with borderline that refuses to get help. But that doesn't mean I'm not grateful for the 8 great months in bliss. I would have dated this girl again, it was worth the experience.

EDIT2: haha, i should rephrase that... I am glad i had the experience, but, yeah, would NEVER date another BPD. i am done. ~AllNines

# ? Apr 24, 2017 01:01

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Khorne posted:

Nah? You should always check the oven. What if someone just made something and it's still in the oven? What if stuff dropped all over when the last person cooked? You probably want to clean that.

You should always check the oven. But you also shouldn't have poo poo in there. It works both ways.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 01:17

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Is that really BPD or is she just a huge rear end in a top hat?

# ? Apr 24, 2017 01:22

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Pick posted:

Is that really BPD or is she just a huge rear end in a top hat?

you don't enter a relationship with BPD you leave yourself available for random booty calls. It's more exciting when it's random anyway.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 01:32

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Whenever I read the stories about women who rightfully refuse to put their mouths near their partners rancid dicks I smack my lips in disgust completely involuntarily. It's like when your butthole clenches upon seeing something uncomfortable.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 01:52

Barudak: May 7, 2007

chitoryu12 posted:

The CEO's wife at work has a bad habit of storing things like pots and pans in the oven, and almost always forgets before turning it on.

In general she's a mess. She once tried putting frozen fried green beans in the oven and forgot about them for so long that there was nothing left but ash and smoke.

You know what though, I bet she isnt bitter that her husband makes more than her and doesnt complain he slacked off his way to CEO.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 01:57

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

There's an entire genre of porn around forcing women to suck on really dirty, smegma-encrusted dicks, which is probably what this guy is doing. It's basically the same torture power play that you see everywhere else.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 01:56

Tokyo Sexwale: Jul 30, 2003

Pick posted:

Is that really BPD or is she just a huge rear end in a top hat?

Both - the not seeking help is what makes her an rear end in a top hat, she seems (granted, could be an unreliable narrator at work) pretty ok with it overall

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:01

Barudak: May 7, 2007

I was going to critize BPD Dragon Hunter as a complete idiot for thinking his thoughts were inciteful, well written, or coherent but then I saw he still planned to move to Asia with this woman so its not like his brain responds to negative stimuli anyway.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:00

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

BPD Dragon Hunter is my favorite obscure 90s anime.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:03

Tokyo Sexwale: Jul 30, 2003

Barudak posted:

I was going to critize BPD Dragon Hunter as a complete idiot for thinking his thoughts were inciteful, well written, or coherent but then I saw he still planned to move to Asia with this woman so its not like his brain responds to negative stimuli anyway.

yeah people with BPD love rejection so that'll go super-well for him

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:03

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

Pick posted:

BPD Dragon Hunter is my favorite obscure 90s anime.

poo poo, that was going to be the name of my Imagine Dragons cover band.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:12

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; Can't post for 11 days!

Pick posted:

There's an entire genre of porn around forcing women to suck on really dirty, smegma-encrusted dicks, which is probably what this guy is doing. It's basically the same torture power play that you see everywhere else.

Geez, I didn't think you were into that kind of thing

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:21

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Me [36 F] interacting with weird [40-ish M] in gaming group situation. Really, really [Non-Romantic].

quote:

Okay, first of all there's me. A 36yo female, some geeky tendencies, but more of a science nerd. Glasses, short dark hair, questionable fashion sense, slightly overwieght, divorced a year or so ago, not interested in dating at all. But worked in social jobs for many years, so can smile and chit-chat without staring at my shoes like a mostly normal human.

Second on our cast of characters, there's this dude, let's call him Bob, because that isn't his name. I met him at a local board gaming group. He honestly, not making this up, has a neckbeard, wears a dingy old trenchcoat when it is cold, and owns at least one fedora. He probably weighs north of 400lbs. He's very socially awkward, but seriously folks, its a gaming group. Pretty much every one is awkward.

After attending a few gaming meets and chatting with multiple people, it became obvious that Bob and I share some superficial interests. I mentioned an obscure film I was planning to attend, and Bob asked if he could tag along. I hesitated, knowing there was some risk that he'd fixate on me, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean, gently caress it, I can be friends with the weird, heavy, trench-coat guy, right? All people need friends, and it'd be nice to have a friend who liked some of the same obscura.

Anyway, I'd been open with the group about being divorced and enjoying being by myself, not wanting a relationship. Additionally, at the time of the movie conversations, I actually said out loud to him, "Okay, it would be cool if a friend comes with me." At the film, while waiting for it to start, we were discussing families (yanno, the do-you-have-any-siblings type small talk), and in this context I again said that "I just got out of a difficult relationship, and I'm not looking for or interested in a relationship right now. I really enjoy being single." Our interaction at the movie was basically fine with a few awkward pauses, and we parted ways pleasantly.

I figured everything was fine, I was making a new friend, and went on my merry, blithe way. Oh how wrong I was.

A few weeks later, there was another gaming meet. Sometimes folks got together for a drink afterwards, and it ended up being just me and Bob. Fine, whatever. Well, about ten minutes into the conversation he told me he'd gotten us tickets to a gaming convention a few months and a few states away and asked about making plans to go. What??? This was an event he'd mentioned in passing at the movie as something a few members of the group went to annually, and I'd said I don't usually do conventions but might consider getting myself a ticket (this con does not sell out, tickets are still available day-of).

I was flabbergasted, and told him that I hadn't decided whether I wanted to go or not, and wasn't really planning to. He basically ignored that and said, "Well, when you want the ticket, it'll be here." Oooooohkayyyyy. I said, "I really don't think I'll want it, so you might think about reselling it," and resolved to finish my drink and GTFO of the bar. As I was slamming my gimlet, he first said that then we should also go to a different convention together, then said that he'd found an old LinkedIn profile of mine and asked a question about it. Dude, you just told me that you'd been internet stalking me. UNCOOL.

I just wanted to get out of there at this point, mumbled something about not having updated that profile in forever, said I had to go, left some money on the table and bailed. I had no desire to feed any more of his fantasy which clearly ended with us flying away into the sunset on a pair of dragons with matching Tolkien inscribed rings and me in a plump Leia costume.

I stayed away from the gaming group for several weeks, mostly because a family member was having health issues and that ate my time, but I also didn't make an effort to go because I didn't want to see Bob. During that time he sent me a few text messages that I did not reply to, mostly inane stuff about his day, a few about things we should go to together, and one telling me he'd bought me some candy complete with inappropriate blushing smiley icon. I guess that was to lure me into replying so I could get the free candy and he could see me? I dunno. I mean, I'm adult, I can buy my own drat candy.

Anyway, I'm really missing the gaming group, as everyone else there seems okay. I was planning to just show up at the meeting tonight until I got a text message from Bob inviting me to the group I'm already part of. Seriously? Now if I go, I feel like he'll think I'm going to meet him, which a big ole' HELL NO. Yuck.

This is a very unfamiliar situation for me as I've spent most of my adult life married, which seems to have allowed me to avoid this sort of thing. So, I have none of the clever tools that would allow me to dance out of this weirdness.

Honestly, I'd just ditch the group and tell Bob I never want to see him again (and hope that would actually deter him), but I live in a very small city and would like to stay part of this group as there just aren't any other options. But obviously, I don't want any more of this dude's attention.

Has anyone successfully navigated this type of situation? I don't really want to be mean, and suspect that being direct would cause him to either make me his constant target or to simply ignore it and continue to fixate. Maybe a bit of both, honestly.

Help?

tl;dr: Real-life sighting of mythical trenchcoat-fedora-neckbeard, complete with grainy photos. Nessie has decided that I'm his Fedora Queen and is going full creeper. How to stay part of fun social group in spite of being unwillingly cast as leading lady in his delusional reality?

Update The First: I sent him this message (inspired by u/FAMOUS-MONSTER),

"Hey, Bob. I was thinking about dropping by the gaming group tonight. I just wanted to send you a quick message about something, though. I'm not always great at reading situations, and my read on this one may be wrong, but I'd rather say something and be wrong than be unfair by not saying anything. Some of our interactions - buying me candy, [other things he's done that might identify him] - have felt an awful lot like you're trying to pursue me romantically. If I'm wrong and you're just being friendly, I apologize for reading that the wrong way. But if I'm right, I need to be clear that, while you seem like an okay guy, I am not interested in dating. I go to the gaming group to play games and socialize, and I don't want either of us to be uncomfortable with that. Again, I apologize if I'm wrong about this. Thanks, and hope you're having a great day."

..and got back the following:

"OK"

No explosion, but no, "Hey, that's cool. See you tonight!" either. So, I think I'll go to the group tonight and just see how he acts and go from there.

Update the Second: Sorry this one is a little anticlimactic, guys. I went to gaming night and he didn't show up. On a pleasant note, I had a great time with the group! On the other hand, I feel like the real reaction may still be coming. Guess we'll just wait and see. I'll post an update if anything interesting occurs.

Communication...works?

Ahahahah of course not.

[UPDATE] Me [36 F] interacting with weird [40-ish M] in gaming group situation. Really, really [Non-Romantic]

quote:

Background: If you have not already seen it, it is completely worth reading the original post here.

Also, before we get into the crunchy bits, let me also preface this by stating explicitly that I'm writing with a light, wry tone because this is one of those situations where if you don't laugh you'll end up crouched in the corner rocking on your heels, chewing your hair, and mumbling about space centipedes living in the wallpaper. And gently caress space centipedes, man. Those buggers are wicked hard to get rid of once you get a proper infestation going.

So, back to our two characters! When last we left them, there had been a brief exchange of text messages, and Bob was a no-show at game night.

That was, however, not the end of things! A little over a day later, after Bob had proper time to really work up a good head full of insanity over the whole thing, I received a rambling, drunken 2 AM email. It was rife with misspellings, half constructed sentences, ideas smashed together then pulled apart only to collide nonsensically later like bumper cars at the fair, extraneous words seemingly randomly scattered in all over the place, and really, deeply erratic spacebar and punctuation issues.

There is way, way too much personal identifying info in the email to post the whole thing verbatim, and it is too incoherent to properly edit that stuff out and have any semblance of sense remain, so let me explain. No. There is too much. Let me sum up� (using quote format for ease of reading)

quote:
It opened with an affirmation that he'd been trying to pursue me romantically, and noted that he was unskilled at such, but in a way that clearly asked for me to reassure him on this front.

Then came the part of the note where he complimented me in the past tense (i.e. he did think I was a great person), and basically blamed me for perceiving his inappropriate come-ons as poor behavior, and stating that he'd always treated me with respect. (I'm fairly certain this was supposed to draw me back in, to be an opening to reconnect with him and give me a chance to prove to him that I really am that incredibly awesome girl he used to think I was. Because what female wouldn't want to be with a guy who could think they were so inconceivably great as long as they completely conformed to his fantasy? How could I not understand???)(Also, Bob, internet stalking is not respectful.)

He then noted that he did not want to be like another guy in the group who openly pursues women. (Here's the difference: very-forward guy, when I said I wasn't interested in dating, got the message, buggered off immediately, and hasn't bothered me since.)

Abrupt jump to a lament about how he has no one in town to do things with, and how it was great to have me for that, but then of course we can't do that any more.. (To fully appreciate the tone here, just go ahead and picture a single tear drifting down the cheek of a sad puppy with unusually large eyes.)

More lamenting on how he's been emotionally destroyed by the whole experience. (And here you may wish to recall, dear reader, that Bob and I have only met in person about six times, most of those in a group setting.)

Then things got interesting.

An odd little section was tacked on to the bottom. It looked like this had been written separately, and in a rather different state of mind (possibly by a different person?). He stated that he'd avoid gaming with me in the future if I wished, but said that I should still come to the group, and that he didn't want to be the reason I stopped attending. (Hmmmmm. Unclear if putting big girl panties on or fishing for further future contact.)

In short, y'all, It was hosed Up, but with a curious coda.

For my reply, I kept the following in mind: Much of his email seemed to contain an assumption that there would be further conversation, or at least that I would feel the need to reply to something in that mess that was meant to incite me or make me feel sorry for him, and therefore further contact. He clearly wanted to continue contact if it all possible. Also, I got the distinct feeling he thought he could argue his side and I would somehow come around to it. I refused to be drawn into that.

I made my reply email short, blunt, and to the point, removing any doubt that there was any possibility of anything else. I leaned a bit on the harsh side this time, but only because I firmly believed it was necessary. Here it is:

quote:
Hey, Bob.

Well, a (drunken?) 2am email was probably not the optimal way to address this.

Look, I am an adult and am fine gaming with anyone who is socially appropriate and civil.

That said, I feel no desire or necessity to continue this conversation. Please do not reply or contact me further outside of the group.

Thanks, donttalktomepls

So that's where it is at. We'll see how that works out for me! I'll update if any further eruptions.

tl;dr: Rejected creepy dude as gently as possible. He fills my inbox with emotional vomit. I invoke No Contact. May the FSM bless us with his noodly goodness and bring this situation to a tangy, delicious ending with comfortable fullness to all involved.

Was half-tempted to bold the entire summary of the email.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:21

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Pick posted:

There's an entire genre of porn around forcing women to suck on really dirty, smegma-encrusted dicks, which is probably what this guy is doing. It's basically the same torture power play that you see everywhere else.

I.

What.

Tell me it's not real. Like, it's loving porn, so of course they improvise. Who the gently caress gets off on that?

I can't imagine there is a huge market for job security in there. "Hey yeah I'm the star of the smegma films. You might recognize my dick, it's Homer SImpson Yellow."

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:21

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Cowslips Warren posted:

I.

What.

Tell me it's not real. Like, it's loving porn, so of course they improvise. Who the gently caress gets off on that?

I can't imagine there is a huge market for job security in there. "Hey yeah I'm the star of the smegma films. You might recognize my dick, it's Homer SImpson Yellow."

They get off on the women being disgusted and uncomfortable and miserable.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:25

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Rumor has it that Ben Roethlisbeger was positively id as the culprit in a sexual harrassment suit due to the grayness of his penis.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:26

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

I've never heard of this smegma porn johnra and I have to wonder how hard you have to go looking for it.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:47

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Elsa posted:

I've never heard of this smegma porn johnra and I have to wonder how hard you have to go looking for it.

You? About two feet down (male, solo)

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:48

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Pick posted:

You? About two feet down (male, solo)

Way to deflect on your smegma porn fetish

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:49

Rough Lobster: May 27, 2009; Don't be such a squid, bro

Penises can be gray?

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:55

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

My mind's telling me no

and my body

my body's also telling me noooo

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:57

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

It's more of a drawn porn thing if that helps. Lord knows somebody has done a smegmacock film tho. As a porn aficionado, I give the whole thing three flaccid dicks.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:56

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; Can't post for 11 days!

Rough Lobster posted:

Penises can be gray?

Ask Pick

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:58

Rough Lobster: May 27, 2009; Don't be such a squid, bro

Hahaha why do you people keep outing yourselves as weird porn watchers?

# ? Apr 24, 2017 02:59

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Rough Lobster posted:

Hahaha why do you people keep outing yourselves as weird porn watchers?

I'm out as a weird porn hater and prude extraordinaire (just because I think people should have non-creepo sex that doesn't turn them into rapists and child molesters)

# ? Apr 24, 2017 03:02

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

You don't have to watch it to know it exists. There's porn of grandmas in wheelchairs sucking sick out there. I just made that up, but I know for a fact its out there, somewhere.

# ? Apr 24, 2017 03:04

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

Elsa posted:

My mind's telling me no

and my body

my body's also telling me noooo

# ? Apr 24, 2017 03:04

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; Can't post for 11 days!

Who What Now posted:

You don't have to watch it to know it exists. There's porn of grandmas in wheelchairs sucking sick out there. I just made that up, but I know for a fact its out there, somewhere.

Grandma porn watcher spotted

# ? Apr 24, 2017 03:05

Barudak: May 7, 2007

For those interested in the court record vis a vis a gray penis

# ? Apr 24, 2017 03:06

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Pick posted:

I'm out as a weird porn hater and prude extraordinaire (just because I think people should have non-creepo sex that doesn't turn them into rapists and child molesters)

It's hard to find good big titty porn nowadays, drat kinkers with their step-relative fetishes

# ? Apr 24, 2017 03:06

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# ? May 31, 2024 23:55

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

guess what

# ? Apr 24, 2017 03:07

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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