/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

El Golden Goose: Jul 23, 2007

This one was in /r/history but people started giving the OP relationship advice instead, appropriately, and it definitely would fit right in: "Help! I married a dummy!"

What do you think is the most historically important event(s) for an American citizen to know? (self.history)

quote:

Let me elaborate. I need your help 'saving' my marriage. My husband knows startlingly little about history. (And geography and biology and ... well, you get the idea.)

"Who won the American civil war?" The..... South?

"Who were the Axis powers in World War II?" Germany... And China.

"Find India on this map." I can't.

"What does the First Amendment guarantee the right to?" No idea, but the second amendment is guns!

He has no idea what the Dust Bowl was. Completely in the dark about the Great Depression. He wasn't even sure what the Civil Rights movement was.

He graduated public school in Louisiana with a 4.0 GPA. But that's beyond the point.

I believe being a good citizen and well rounded individual means having at least a basic understanding of history. (Especially the history of the country you reside in.) So, I have decided to try to get him up to speed with history. (He's on board, too, I'm not just pushing history down his throat. :P)

So my question is: What are the most important historical events that every voting, tax paying adult should know? (In American history or worldwide.)

Bonus: Any good books that deals with the aforementioned historical event(s) in engaging and accurate ways.

Bonus Bonus: Any good history teaching tips.

I guessed they were from the south well before the "graduated with 4.0 gpa in Louisiana" part because of the whole 'marrying someone you clearly don't mesh with' thing

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:14

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# ? May 22, 2024 04:31

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Whenever CBT ever gets mentioned I always imagine the Swedish chef with a meat tenderiser.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:16

Nazzadan: Jun 22, 2016

I (18f) was caught masterbating by my bf's (16m) mom (40s?)

quote:

Edit: He's 17 not 16
My bf and I were at his house because we were going to "study". His parents were still at work so no one was home. He was going to take a shower since he was sweaty from going to the gym so I decided to pass the time by relieving myself using his pillow and boxers. I was getting pretty into it when his mom walked in on me. Needless to say I was surprised and embarrassed and rushed to cover myself. She started yelling at me to leave her house. As I left she yelled to stay away from her son or she would call the police to have me arrestes (age of consent is 16 here).
She called my parents using my bf's phone that I had tainted her son. She yelled for 5 min about how I should slut around with other men but not her son. My bf has been supportive and defending me but his mom keeps slut shaming me. How do I deal with this? This is not something I want to end our relationship over.
tl;dr: bf's mom caught me masterbating in his room. She yelled at me to leave and that I tainted her son. She called my parents to slut shame me and threatened to call the police if I didn't stay away.

Choice comments

quote:

I'm not saying her reaction is right (and it isn't) but you went over there without their permission and was masturbating on his bed... I don't think any parent wants to see that.
I'd let your boyfriend handle this. This is now a war between him and his mother. If he wants to keep defending you, great!

OP posted:

I've come over to their house before and she was very sweet with me. I've stayed in with him in the house even after they've left but she never yelled at me before.

quote:

She never caught you masturbating in her son's bed using his clothes to do it before. Of course she yelled at you. It's pretty disrespectful and she's angry. Plus he's still 16. Not an adult yet.

OP posted:

He's 17 and one month away from 18 and other 23 from graduating. How is it disrepespectful to masterbate using her son's clothes? Even if I was caught I the same situation as her I would never slut shame her or threatened with police.

quote:

How is she supposed to know that psycho mom didn't want her over there?

quote:

Because the pyscho mom didn't invite her?

OP posted:

I was the one that was invited. He said it was OK since they weren't home. I masterbate because we were going to have sex afte r he came out of the shower and it was a way to get me more in the mood. Why am I being demonized for masterbating?

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:17

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Nazzadan posted:

I (18f) was caught masterbating by my bf's (16m) mom (40s?)

Choice comments

When I read the title for the first time, I skipped over the "by". :gonk:

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:20

Barudak: May 7, 2007

I call bullshit on history story because any Lousiana educated indvidual should be unable to discuss the Civil War since there werent nothin civil about The War of Northern Aggression.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:23

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Barudak posted:

I call bullshit on history story because any Lousiana educated indvidual should be unable to discuss the Civil War since there werent nothin civil about The War of Northern Aggression.

I would agree with you but
1) he may only know it as the war of northern aggression and
2) a lot of them don't seem to know they lost.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:30

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

HardDiskD posted:

When I read the title for the first time, I skipped over the "by".

I thought it said to

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:29

El Golden Goose: Jul 23, 2007

therobit posted:

I would agree with you but
1) he may only know it as the war of northern aggression and
2) a lot of them don't seem to know they lost.

Before i moved to the south, I would have thought you were joking about #2.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:31

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

therobit posted:

2) a lot of them don't seem to know they lost.

when you think about it, did they really

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:37

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

when you think about it, did they really

Yes. And Badly.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:43

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Not badly enough.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:43

sit on my Facebook: Jun 20, 2007; ASS GAS OR GRASS
No One Rides for FREE
In the Trumplord Holy Land

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

when you think about it, did they really

Yeah definitely, you can tell by the way that aristocratic southern racists no longer wield disproportionate power in society and governme.... poo poo

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:45

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

My wife and I [29M&28F] are at each others throats about our son [3M] falling down the stairs and breaking his leg.

quote:

Reddit I am hoping you can help me mend my relationship with my wife. This in truth is not only about my son breaking a leg. It has been a wide range of things since he and our daughter were born.

Both my wife and I became very successful into our early 20's. We have been been able to earn a lot of money due to mainly my wife's work. It has allowed us to buy a home. I don't want this to come off as bragging so please don't take it the wrong way. It's a very big house, and because of that it is not the most kiddie safe place in the world. We have had multiple arguments that they could easily wonder off by themselves, and could be somewhat hard to find. Another issue we have is just our parenting styles clash often.

What's really made things bad is an accident that happened last week. My wife was finishing up some work she had to do, and I was put in charge of Mike. I left him for a minute to run and answer my office phone. I swear on everything that was the case. We have a spiral staircase, and it can be easy to lost your balance because of the gaps in the stairs. Mike fell down and broke one of his legs. My wife was down the stairs before I even made it to the stairs.

She blames me for Mikes broken leg because I took my eyes off him. I probably am partially to blame, but we've been at each others throats all week. She keeps making passive aggressive comments. I offered to watch our daughter and she told me, "No. You'll just leave her to answer your phone."

I need some help with this relationship

tl;dr: My wife and I relationship has just reached a boiling point with the kids. I don't know what to do anymore.

quote:

Why is there not a gate at the top of your stairs? You can't expect a little kid NOT to go over to stairs. They are drawn to to them. They make gates for all sorts of stairs or you can get a play pen and block off the area to the stairs. Either way - CHILDPROOF your home and get counseling.

quote:

The problem is I kind of left the gate open when I ran to get the phone. He tried to follow me

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:47

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

sit on my Facebook posted:

Yeah definitely, you can tell by the way that aristocratic southern racists no longer wield disproportionate power in society and governme.... poo poo

It's like warlords fighting over a post apocalyptic wasteland for the most part though

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:47

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Whenever CBT ever gets mentioned I always imagine the Swedish chef with a meat tenderiser.

Nobody needs to know what you jack it to duder

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:48

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

fruit on the bottom posted:

My wife and I [29M&28F] are at each others throats about our son [3M] falling down the stairs and breaking his leg.

So he's pissy his wife is mad at him for something that is basically his fault entirely.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:49

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Our parenting styles clash often: for example, I believe in letting my kid fall down staircases, and my wife doesn't.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:50

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Son needs to learn how gravity works, wife keeps insisting its just a theory

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:53

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

El Golden Goose posted:

"He graduated public school in Louisiana with a 4.0 GPA. But that's beyond the point."

I think you mean, "thats beside the point." smarty pants.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 19:55

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Our parenting styles clash often: for example, I believe in letting my kid fall down staircases, and my wife doesn't.

My favorite part is that he explains this is all her fault. You see, she's making so much money, that they could afford to buy this huge house. So big it's hard to take care of the kids. Lmao.

quote:

Both my wife and I became very successful into our early 20's. We have been been able to earn a lot of money due to mainly my wife's work. It has allowed us to buy a home. I don't want this to come off as bragging so please don't take it the wrong way. It's a very big house, and because of that it is not the most kiddie safe place in the world.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:01

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

it's too hard to childproof all of the battlements on their literal castle especially when running to get the phone

he's just lucky the child wasn't snatched up by one of the golden eagles living in the aviary

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:05

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

Charles Get-Out posted:

So he's pissy his wife is mad at him for something that is basically his fault entirely.

I felt sorry for the dude until then. Christ, doesn't he have voice mail? A portable phone to carry with him? A brain?

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:04

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Gloryhold It! posted:

Nobody needs to know what you jack it to duder

Yubetcha

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:05

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Charles Get-Out posted:

It's like warlords fighting over a post apocalyptic wasteland for the most part though

yeah the US is having a rough time rn but this is a little hyperbolic i think

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:07

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

I like how he's "not bragging", but proceeds to tell everyone how much money they've made and how big their house is even though it has nothing to do with the story.

Kids can fall down the stairs in small houses too.

Leon Einstein fucked around with this message at 20:15 on Apr 25, 2017

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:11

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

yeah the US is having a rough time rn but this is a little hyperbolic i think

no he's right, the south is terrible. it's a cultural and economic desert. please do not move here

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:14

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Dienes posted:

The "previously recorded boyfriend in secret to catch him jerking off when he's attempting to be discreet" puts me firmly on Team Husband on this one.

There's no way she isn't sharing those videos with others, too.

Some states are one party consent (the woman can consent) some are two party consent (both the bf and the woman must consent to a recording) but there's no state where it's legal to record when you're not in the room and the person being recorded hasn't consented, so yeah, the masturbation tapes are blatantly illegal.

As for recording arguments, personally I would dump someone for doing something like that, and possibly get the cops involved if they really pissed me off.

Nothing irritates me more than someone on /r/relationships who gets worked up about "abuse" (aka any sort of argument) then goes on to describe literally illegal acts

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:16

Modus Pwnens: Dec 29, 2004

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Yubetcha

Is that .com, or...?

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:16

sit on my Facebook: Jun 20, 2007; ASS GAS OR GRASS
No One Rides for FREE
In the Trumplord Holy Land

-April 25, year 1 anno trumpini

The Unwashed have have redoubled their efforts. Someone at the trading post let slip that I have been stockpiling grain, anticipating the inevitable return of the Darkness Cloud. Though my harvest has been meager, it should sustain me until the sunlight returns in February. But alas, my border defenses pale in comparison to the Luxurious Wall, and the incursions have become more frequent and more desperate. I can feel their hunger. Soon the Unwashed will penetrate my fortifications, and then I'll be forced to use my second amendment remedies. I do not wish harm on the Unwashed, but they leave me no choice. Truly, I pity them. I can taste their hunger. The tepid, irradiated waters of the Yuge River turn to ashes in their mouths and leave them dryer than they were before. The highwaymen have long since emptied their pockets, as empty as their stomachs. I can see their hunger. I pray for the Golden One's blessings in this time of trial and tribulation, and I can only hope that private charity will someday step in and give these poor creatures what they need. But they will not take it from me, oh no. Desperate though they may be, I must sustain myself. gently caress them. I've got mine.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:25

El Golden Goose: Jul 23, 2007

Found a comment from the OP on the history dummy post, she said:

quote:

Well, I wouldn't bother if he didnt want to learn it as well. I think it would improve his confidence and if he did decide to go to university, it would definitely help him. Plus if we ever had kids, he could answer some of their questions early on. He has showed a desire, its really just a matter of where the hell to start.
Relationships arent always as binary as they seem.
But on another note, I did get married at 19. Maybe not the wisest decision but what can I do? Divorce a man because his civil war trivia isn't up to par?
Heh. Anyway.

Yep, called it - married super young, before she had any idea how to choose a partner

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:27

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

sit on my Facebook posted:

-April 25, year 1 anno trumpini

The Unwashed have have redoubled their efforts. Someone at the trading post let slip that I have been stockpiling grain, anticipating the inevitable return of the Darkness Cloud. Though my harvest has been meager, it should sustain me until the sunlight returns in February. But alas, my border defenses pale in comparison to the Luxurious Wall, and the incursions have become more frequent and more desperate. I can feel their hunger. Soon the Unwashed will penetrate my fortifications, and then I'll be forced to use my second amendment remedies. I do not wish harm on the Unwashed, but they leave me no choice. Truly, I pity them. I can taste their hunger. The tepid, irradiated waters of the Yuge River turn to ashes in their mouths and leave them dryer than they were before. The highwaymen have long since emptied their pockets, as empty as their stomachs. I can see their hunger. I pray for the Golden One's blessings in this time of trial and tribulation, and I can only hope that private charity will someday step in and give these poor creatures what they need. But they will not take it from me, oh no. Desperate though they may be, I must sustain myself. gently caress them. I've got mine.

Me [26 M] with my GF of 3+ years [24 F] of 3+ years, will break-up with me if I'm in my best friends wedding.

quote:

I have been dating Sarah for 3 years, and we have talked about marriage, kids, etc. One of my best friends asked me to be in his wedding. I would absolutely say yes to him, but the problem is that I have slept with one of the bridesmaids or the maid of honor (I'm certain she'll be in the wedding) over a year prior to dating Sarah.

Sarah knows this, and is threatening to break off our relationship if I say yes to being a groomsmen, as she knows the bridesmaid and I would be in close proximity for the greater part of the weekend. I really don't know what to do, and feel paralyzed by this ultimatum. I feel like I would be letting my friend down massively by not being in his wedding, but it comes at the price of my relationship.

Can someone with a little more emotional intelligence than myself offer any advice? I realize that I put myself in this situation, and take full accountability for my own actions - I wish I was never in this position, but that's life when you make poor decisions.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:29

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Me [26 M] with my GF of 3+ years [24 F] of 3+ years, will break-up with me if I'm in my best friends wedding.

tricky one but imo go to the wedding, 3+ years in your twenties seems longer than it really is and ultimatiums are bad news

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:30

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Me [26 M] with my GF of 3+ years [24 F] of 3+ years, will break-up with me if I'm in my best friends wedding.

Break up with her before the wedding, bang the bridesmaid again.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:31

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

I [29F] always knew my first real disagreement with fiance [28M] would be about a cat.

quote:

I love my boyfriend "Tony." We are getting married next month. Everything is hunky dory besides this one issue.

When Tony moved into my place he brought his two cats, which brought the number of cats up to four. Yikes. But it's OK because it's a pretty big place so I thought we could make it work. There are 4 litter boxes, in fact they have their own litter ROOM. It's Tony's job to clean the boxes regularly and he does.

The problem is, Tony's cats are peeing in clean laundry in the hamper, on our bed, and who knows where else. I know it's his because my two cats have never once had an accident in six years. Additionally, before Tony moved in at his old place his cats would pee on clothes left on the floor and it didn't always get picked up right away. Over time the cats learned that peeing on clothes on the floor is OK, so now it is a deep-seated behavior.

Cat pee is something I absolutely will not put up with. It will ruin the house and I refuse to lose my deposit because of a cat.

Over the past six months or so I've told Tony we have to think about re-homing his cats. I suggested he take his cats to the vet to see if they have a UTI, if they might be stressed out, we've tried different food, we tried letting them outside, et cetera. But last night they peed on a pile of laundry and I have just had it.

Tony says fine, we can re-home them, but I can tell he's very sad about it and it breaks my heart. He says he'll get over it eventually, but he's going to look around and see my cats and not his and I'm worried he's going to resent me. In my mind it's his fault for letting his cats learn that it's okay to pee on clothes in the first place, I mean, EW, but still, I love Tony and I don't want to cause a rift in our relationship.

How can I handle this well? Should I take charge of the re-homing process so Tony does not have to think about it? Should I make it quick or give him time to say goodbye? I'd prefer quick so they don't have the chance to pee on something else.

It might be love or it might be toxoplasmosis, but i knew he was the one when he showed up to our first date with clothes drenched in cat piss

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 20:38 on Apr 25, 2017

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:34

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

boner confessor posted:

tricky one but imo go to the wedding, 3+ years in your twenties seems longer than it really is and ultimatiums are bad news

Nothing really tricky about it, it's a loving wedding it's pretty common that there's gonna be someone there you boned when it's a large event that encompasses your social circles. It's one thing to be uncomfortable with your SO hanging out 1 on 1 with their bff that used to be a fuckbuddy but it's way out of line to be skittish about social events like this.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:37

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

I had almost the exact situation as the wedding guy. I went to the wedding and my then gf melted down and acted out n wildly inappropriate ways. That relationship could've spawned countless threads. I wasted a lot of my early 20s being stupid.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:41

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I [29F] always knew my first real disagreement with fiance [28M] would be about a cat.

It might be love or it might be toxoplasmosis, but i knew he was the one when he showed up to our first date with clothes drenched in cat piss

I don't like cats and the fact they loving stink is a big reason

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:44

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I [29F] always knew my first real disagreement with fiance [28M] would be about a cat.

It might be love or it might be toxoplasmosis, but i knew he was the one when he showed up to our first date with clothes drenched in cat piss

I hope they find out in the end it was her cats peeing on everything.

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:44

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

54 40 or gently caress posted:

I don't like cats and the fact they loving stink is a big reason

that poo poo doesn't wash out easy either, dude spent his bachelor-hood hanging out in his rancid trash pile and walking around with an eyewatering cloud of ammonia funk trailing everywhere he goes and somehow he's getting hitched now

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:47

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# ? May 22, 2024 04:31

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I [29F] always knew my first real disagreement with fiance [28M] would be about a cat.

It might be love or it might be toxoplasmosis, but i knew he was the one when he showed up to our first date with clothes drenched in cat piss

you could always not leave piles of clothes on the floor? I don't think that's usually where they go

# ? Apr 25, 2017 20:49

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