/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Fullhouse posted:

this is where you lost me

Sorry, that was a weird autocorrect, it was supposed to say "Tomato".

# ? Apr 26, 2017 18:55

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# ? May 30, 2024 15:59

Ensign Expendable: Nov 11, 2008; Lager beer is proof that god loves us; Pillbug

Pick posted:

gently caress face it's like the wpmen who take vacation photos where they pose their teddy bear named Timoto or what ever in the frame men aren't talking about the penis they're talking about where their penis has BEEN and they talk about it in the THIRD PERSON

Caricatures of a penis in a suit and top hat walking around on its own were all the rage in 19th century St Petersburg.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 18:56

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

Yeah, she's riding a wave of mania, and keeps talking about penises, porn, and jacking off.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 18:56

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

new phone who dis posted:

You can be a fat, small-dicked, hairy fucker and as long as you're funny and confident you'll still probably do fine.

Can confirm

# ? Apr 26, 2017 18:57

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Ensign Expendable posted:

Caricatures of a penis in a suit and top hat walking around on its own were all the rage in 19th century St Petersburg.

Haha, yeah! They're called Стройный мужчина.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 18:57

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

Leon Einstein posted:

Yeah, she's riding a wave of mania, and keeps talking about penises, porn, and jacking off.

what else can you post about for fun

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:00

chernobyl kinsman: Mar 18, 2007; a friend of the friendly atom; Soiled Meat

new phone who dis posted:

No dudes I know seriously talk about each other's dicks.

pick has weird ideas about dicks. she was shocked to learn that guys don't just look at each other's dicks all the time and that most men have never seen the majority of their buddies' dicks

chernobyl kinsman fucked around with this message at 19:03 on Apr 26, 2017

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:01

bamhand: Apr 15, 2010

Wait you guys don't dress up your dicks and show pictures to your best friends?

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:05

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

bamhand posted:

Wait you guys don't dress up your dicks and show pictures to your best friends?

I've seen a lot of my eskimo brethrens' dicks and we give critique about grooming and such so

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:06

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

chernobyl kinsman posted:

pick has weird ideas about dicks. she was shocked to learn that guys don't just look at each other's dicks all the time and that most men have never seen the majority of their buddies' dicks

What? How can you say you're really friends if you haven't seen their dick?

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:08

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

I had a really hard time telling one of my homebros that it looked a bit thin in most lighting conditions

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:08

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

and thusly mine is the ultimate

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:09

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Khorne posted:

So do women. What's the big deal?

I don't masturbate.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:09

chernobyl kinsman: Mar 18, 2007; a friend of the friendly atom; Soiled Meat

i use my cock like a club to clobber my bros into submission and thereby establish dominance

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:10

ranbo das: Oct 16, 2013

Just lol if you and your bros don't sit in a circle and jack each other off so you can compare erect sizes and semen loads.

Totally in a straight way tho.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:10

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Pick posted:

I don't masturbate.

you're missing out

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:09

chernobyl kinsman: Mar 18, 2007; a friend of the friendly atom; Soiled Meat

Pick posted:

I don't masturbate.

we can tell

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:11

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Pick posted:

I don't masturbate.

A girl I know hasn't had an orgasm in over a year because she used to use Paul Walker pics to masturbate but she can't do it any more because he died and it makes her cry.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:10

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

how else do you demonstrate what the best pepper grinder you ever had felt like

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:11

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

new phone who dis posted:

A girl I know hasn't had an orgasm in over a year because she used to use Paul Walker pics to masturbate but she can't do it any more because he died and it makes her cry.

hahahahaha

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:11

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

ranbo das posted:

Just lol if you and your bros don't sit in a circle and jack each other off so you can compare erect sizes and semen loads.

Totally in a straight way tho.

This is how I charge my JO crystal to the max

Totally in a gay way tho

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:12

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

stop tellin me bro show me be a man here prove it i'm ready

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:12

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

it puts the lotion on the foreskin before it gets the hose again

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:13

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

All the women I know speak about sex in much more detail than any of my guy friends.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:14

dk2m: May 6, 2009

new phone who dis posted:

A girl I know hasn't had an orgasm in over a year because she used to use Paul Walker pics to masturbate but she can't do it any more because he died and it makes her cry.

why haven't you married her yet

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:14

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

new phone who dis posted:

A girl I know hasn't had an orgasm in over a year because she used to use Paul Walker pics to masturbate but she can't do it any more because he died and it makes her cry.

Same but with Abe Vigoda

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:14

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

new phone who dis posted:

A girl I know hasn't had an orgasm in over a year because she used to use Paul Walker pics to masturbate but she can't do it any more because he died and it makes her cry.

m... my husbando

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:15

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

look man we can actually save time if we sixty nine instead of taking turns

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:15

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

Wait is she also saving herself for paul walker or something?

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:15

chernobyl kinsman: Mar 18, 2007; a friend of the friendly atom; Soiled Meat

Charles Get-Out posted:

Wait is she also saving herself for paul walker or something?

not anymore man he died

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:17

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

That's what I'm getting at though, if she is she'll never orgasm again. A tragic tale of dedication and loss.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:17

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

new phone who dis posted:

A girl I know hasn't had an orgasm in over a year because she used to use Paul Walker pics to masturbate but she can't do it any more because he died and it makes her cry.

fuckin lmao

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:18

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

Pick posted:

I don't masturbate.

You should start.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:19

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

new phone who dis posted:

A girl I know hasn't had an orgasm in over a year because she used to use Paul Walker pics to masturbate but she can't do it any more because he died and it makes her cry.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:20

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

But Paul Walker died in 2013, she hasn't had an orgasm in like 4 years?
She's going to go off like a bottle rocket.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:20

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Charles Get-Out posted:

That's what I'm getting at though, if she is she'll never orgasm again. A tragic tale of dedication and loss.

she'll be married to Paul Walker in heaven, like Jesus but with better abs

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:21

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

My [30F] sister [38F] is suddenly mad at me because her daughter [7F] likes the nickname I gave her more than her real name.

quote:

Let me say from the beginning that I do not think I have a right to tell my sister how to parent. If she wants her kid to be called name a instead of name b, that's her decision, not mine. However, this situation is a little odd, and I'm not sure how to feel or how to proceed.

I feel I should point out that I love my sister, but she is a narcissist. It was terrible to grow up with her, and she made our lives difficult until she finished college and moved out. Our family is well aware that she originally had a child to "snag" her husband (who is very passive and co-dependent) and to get attention. Although she definitely loves her daughter, Jordan, and takes decent care of her, my sister is not an empathetic person and isn't the most attentive mom, so her daughter has become attached to a few other people in the family. That seems to be how Jordan's emotional needs are met. For some reason, kids like me, and she has gotten very attached to me in particular. (My mom says it's because I do things for her her parents don't usually do, like read to her and let her play with my makeup.)

Now, when Jordan was a baby, she could be very mischievous and goofy, so I would sometimes say, "Aren't you just a little Beelzebub?" At no point did this offend my sister or brother-in-law, even when my sister asked what "Beelzebub" meant and I told her. When Jordan began taking, she'd repeat the word back as "Beezy," and it stuck. From then on, she was "my Beezy," "Beezy-boo," "Beezy Wheezy has a Sneezey," all of the ridiculous poo poo you say to toddlers.

Then Jordan got a little older and went to kindergarten, and she started telling people to call her Beezy instead of Jordan. Again, nobody in the family had a problem with this. The teachers and other students all called her Beezy without issue.

Jordan is finishing first grade, and we were having a little party to celebrate the summer last week. At the party, Jordan asked if she could out on some lipgloss, and I said, "Go ask your mom, Beezy." My sister suddenly snapped and started yelling at me to stop calling her daughter that "ridiculous" name, because I was calling her the devil and all of the other kids make fun of her for it. Jordan got mad and said she didn't want to be called Jordan, she hated that name, and my sister told her that was her name and that was what she was going to be called. Nobody in immediate earshot knew what to do then, so we all kind of sat around uncomfortably and ate our food.

I later asked my sister why she didn't want me using a nickname for her daughter, especially since her daughter liked it a lot and felt it suited her. She came up with two excuses that I think are complete bullshit:

It comes from "Beelzebub," which means the devil. I would get this if my sister was really religious, but she's what I call "conveniently religious." She doesn't go to church, has never read the Bible, and knows next to nothing about the religion. She just mentions God and Jesus whenever it's convenient for her, especially if she's trying to shame somebody. (For instance, we had a fight about something completely unrelated, and suddenly I'm a "terrible atheist" who needs to "find Jesus" because I believe in evolution.) My sister had zero problems with this nickname until this moment. Also, she is now claiming she named Jordan for the river Jordan, but that's a complete lie. She got the name out of a book of baby names that just listed names by letter. Honestly, the only Bible stories she really knows are Noah's ark, Exodus, and the virgin birth; the rest is just her parroting what other people say.

The other kids are making fun of her for the "stupid" name. I know this isn't true because I work at the school my niece attends. We live in a diverse area, so the kids have names from a huge range of cultures and languages, and nobody bats an eye at "Beezy." The teachers and other students have called her Beezy for two years now without issue. She is very popular at her school, too, and gets along well with a lot of the other children.

Really, I'm just not sure what to do or what to make of this. I can't force my niece to use her birth name, can I? And I get the feeling this isn't about the name, but is more about my sister's possessiveness and jealousy.

tl;dr: I gave my niece Jordan a nickname (Beezy) when she was born, it stuck, and now lots of people call her that and she likes it more than her birth name. My sister was fine with it until this last year. I'm not sure what to do, since her daughter is the one who tells people to call her Beezy and I think my sister is maybe more upset over my relationship with my niece.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:22

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

Hope you're ready for a novel of an update

quote:

First, I want to thank everybody for their suggestions and opinions in my original post. They really helped me tangle with some difficult issues that had been on my mind for a week.

Second, I feel the need to direct attention to this comment thread - /r/relationships/comments/4miqyj/my_30f_sister_38f_is_suddenly_mad_at_me_because/d3w75uc. I didn't go too in to detail about my sister's narcissism and how she tends to behave around Jordan because I didn't want to make the post too long. I should have been more clear.

And somebody asked where Jordan's father is. He works night shift six days a week, so he makes my niece dinner before he goes to work, then packs her lunch and sends her off to school in the morning when he gets home. They go to church with his family once or twice a month and they like to garden together. I don't talk to him a lot because he's usually sleeping during the day and I don't go to their house very much.

This update is going to need some back story that I should make clear from the start for a change. Jordan's father is black, and his family is very religious and very in to representing their culture and heritage. The church does a lot of spirituals, and his family likes singing them at home, too. Jordan loves them, her favorite is "Go Down Moses." She also likes a lot of songs from old musicals we watch togther, like Porgy and Bess and Show Boat, that reference the struggles of slavery. When she was about 4 or 5, my sister realized she loved those songs and would always sing them, and she tried telling her husband that Jordan was not allowed to listen to "that type of music," or watch movies about slavery or read books about it, because my sister "wasn't raised that way." My brother in law is usually really passive, but this was one moment where he stood up to my sister and told her that their daughter is half-black and can trace her heritage back to the plantations, so ignoring her heritage wasn't going to happen. My sister will regularly pick this fight with her husband when Jordan starts liking something from African American culture that my sister doesn't like. (But if it's something my sister does like, like a Beyonce song? No complaints.)

After my sister yelled at me at the picnic (it was last Saturday, I'm sorry I wasn't clear), I didn't watch Jordan for a few days, partly because I was busy and partly because I thought I should give my sister some space. This was easy because it's summer and I'm not taking Jordan home from school right now. She spent a lot of time with my mother and her other grandmother instead. Shortly after I posted my original post, I sent my sister a few text messages to see how she was doing and what she'd been up to, and she sent back, "Don't think I don't know what you're up. I haven't changed my mind about that stupid name." I told her that was fine, she was Jordan's mother and I'd respect her wishes. She sent another message saying, "Her name is Jordan, nothing else, because that's what I named her." That text becomes relevant later.

Her other grandmother actually dropped Jordan off at my house this morning, and she said something like, "Hey, Beezy, tell your aunt all about the bugs you found!" I was so shocked to hear that name after it had been supposedly banned. My niece told me all about the grasshoppers she'd caught and everything, and then she ran to the back bedroom to get something. I asked her grandmother if my sister had spoken to her about her nickname and reminded her about the picnic, and she was like, "Oh, she was serious about that? That doesn't make sense, we've been calling her Beezy all week, right in front of her mom, too." I asked her what my sister had been calling her, and she gave me a weird look and said, "Beezy and JP, like usual. Why?"

Before she left, my sister's mother in law mentioned that my sister had yelled at her this past week, too. Apparently, MIL and Jordan had been watching TV at my sister's house, and a black woman with corn rows came on screen. Jordan told her grandmother she loved her hair, MIL said her cousin could do her hair like that if she wanted, my sister got angry and said there was no way her hair was getting put in corn rows. MIL asked what was wrong, and my sister said she didn't know how to take care of corn rows, so it wasn't happening. MIL told her her son (my sister's husband) used to have corn rows and knew all about them, and she could teach my sister about how to take care of them. Then my sister said, "Well, I don't like how they look." Jordan said, "Aunt Bebe has hair like that and she looks really pretty. Don't you think I'd look pretty?" Apparently, my sister just said "No, and don't you do her hair like that, it's hideous" (you being the grandmother and her family). Jordan's grandmother said she didn't push the issue because she's not the girl's mother, but she knew it hurt Jordan's feelings, and she was pretty upset about it as well.

As soon as Jordan's grandmother left, I texted my sister and said, "I'm only to call her Jordan, right?"

"Right."

Well gently caress. I was furious, but a few users made a good point. Living with a narcissistic parent is never easy. My niece and I are close and I don't want our relationship cut off. So I need to pick my battles. So once Jordan was all played out and relaxed, I said, "Honey, we need to have a talk about your name. Mommy really wants me to call you Jordan, and I think it's important that we do what she says."

My niece got really upset and said that wasn't fair, her mom called her Beezy herself and everybody else did, all of her friends call her Beezy, the name is special to her, she loves fairies and it's always reminded her of fairies (that got me right in the gut), she hates the name Jordan, it was a real mess. So finally I said, "Well, what would happen if I stopped calling you Beezy?" She said names like that are magical and special, so if I stopped calling her Beezy, she wouldn't be special or magical anymore.

I told her she's special no matter what, but she was still upset. I was scrambling for a minute and then I realized, well, if she wants her name to be magical, we can do that. I asked her if she wanted to make Jordan special, too. When she eventually agreed, we listened to some of her favorite songs that mention the River Jordan, and I said, "See? Jordan is really special in these songs!" That did the trick. She was thrilled. I think I heard Old Man River a dozen times, but it was worth it. Victory! I figured we were all done with this. I could safely call her Jordan, the battle was avoided, so on and so on.

Of course not. An hour ago I got a visit from a very pissed off sister. Apparently, Jordan told her mom all about the songs and how her name was special because of them, and now my sister is telling me I can't call her Jordan. I asked her why, and she said something like, "She likes the name now because of those black people songs! I loving hate that music!"

I said, "I'm really sorry, but Jordan loves it, and it was the only way I could get her to accept me calling her Jordan instead of Beezy."

She kept ranting on about how that was too bad, she hated that music, she wasn't raised with black culture, etc. At no point did she mention my niece's feelings. I finally asked her, if I can't call her the name she wants to be called and I can't call her her birth name, what am I supposed to call her? And she just stared at me, completely blank, for I don't know how long, and then she said in a real nasty voice, "Just call her whatever you want, then." Five minutes later, she's totally calm and asking me to watch my niece again in a few days so she can go shopping. And by the way, she called her Beezy almost the whole time she was there. It was bizarre.

I was a wreck about this comment at the picnic for almost a week and now things seem much more clear. For me, this confirms that the problem wasn't "Beezy" at all. My sister is picking fights like this because she's a first class narcissist. She is jealous that her daughter has a good relationship with other people, and she's mad that her daughter is becoming her own person. Jordan likes something her mom doesn't like? PISSED OFF. Picking a fight with the adults around makes her feel like she's in control of Jordan again, but doesn't directly come off as abusing or yelling at her daughter. When I look back, this fits a real pattern of behavior for her. The good thing (I don't know what else to call it) is that my sister will rarely watch her daughter for more than one full day at a stretch before she gets frustrated or bored, so I know she won't cut me off. She depends on me too much for child care. I'm just going to try and be there for Jordan as much as I can, and I won't say it out loud, but when she turns 18, she's welcome to move in with me. She can move in with corn rows and a Beezy name tag while she sings "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" at the top of her loving lungs. That feels like the right thing to do.

tl;dr: Jordan's grandmother revealed that everyone (including my sister) has been calling her Beezy and JP all week without any problems. Got my niece to accept the name Jordan and my sister picked a fight. Now realizing my sister picks fights to feel like she's in control of her daughter. I will allow my niece to move in with me if she wants when she turns 18.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:24

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

Pick has gone off the deep end the last couple months

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:24

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# ? May 30, 2024 15:59

Anagram of GINGER: Oct 3, 2014; by Smythe

holy poo poo that conclusion

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:25

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