Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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ALFbrot: Apr 17, 2002

Green goon, just wear red glasses all the time. You won't see green anymore, and you can pretend to be Cyclops

# ? Apr 26, 2017 15:41

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# ? May 11, 2024 20:53

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

ALFbrot posted:

Green goon, just wear red glasses all the time. You won't see green anymore, and you can pretend to be Cyclops

This worked great for forums superstar and ladies man Two Worlds

# ? Apr 26, 2017 15:48

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

wasn't there a goon who's Halloween costume involved red lenses, and he said it completely hosed him up all night and it took a couple days to get normal vision back?

# ? Apr 26, 2017 16:19

timp: Sep 19, 2007; Everything is in my control; Lipstick Apathy

SniperWoreConverse posted:

wasn't there a goon who's Halloween costume involved red lenses, and he said it completely hosed him up all night and it took a couple days to get normal vision back?

That would explain why the lead singer of Chevelle gets so worked up at the end of their hit song "The Red"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trinU3VD1Zo&t=194s

# ? Apr 26, 2017 16:23

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

The Schwa posted:

To the extent that it would preclude them having sex?

I understand losing your virginity is scary, but most women have vaginas and OP should probably let go of that pretty quickly, preferably before he tries to have sex with this woman

alternatively, we all have teeth down there

My take on it was that he wasn't precluded from having sex by anything but his own social awkwardness really, but is just super nervous about doing a good job; the only thing a genital aversion was preventing was him watching normal porn

which, yes, is weird, but I remember a female friend of mine in high school asserting quite vehemently that girls don't actually like penises because they are gross, and elaborating unprompted that any girl who would willingly touch one with her mouth was just a weird anomaly, and a male friend who was actually quite social and popular reacting to someone else making a joke about eating pussy with really overdramatic revulsion and telling him to never say poo poo like that again. Some people are just kinda like that before they know any better. I think it's just a manifestation of sex being scary to you at that point in life. If this guy never got around to losing his virginity and is used to clean idealized cartoon porn it doesn't seem too far-fetched to me that he'd still have that same viewpoint.

In which case, anon goon, chillax, it's actually a pretty normal body part. Just try to chillax in general. You are anxious, and anxiety isn't sexy for either party. Ask to go slow, and if she's worth your V-card in the first place she'll be fine with that.

timp posted:

That would explain why the lead singer of Chevelle gets so worked up at the end of their hit song "The Red"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trinU3VD1Zo&t=194s

I remember buying this album at age 15 and being really, really, really disappointed by it after one listen and never picking it back up again

# ? Apr 26, 2017 16:41

shut up blegum: Dec 17, 2008; --->Plastic Lawn<---

loquacius posted:

I remember a female friend of mine in high school asserting quite vehemently that girls don't actually like penises because they are gross, and elaborating unprompted that any girl who would willingly touch one with her mouth was just a weird anomaly,

I see that you've met my girlfriend :downsrim:

# ? Apr 26, 2017 16:51

The Schwa: Jul 1, 2008

loquacius posted:

My take on it was that he wasn't precluded from having sex by anything but his own social awkwardness really, but is just super nervous about doing a good job; the only thing a genital aversion was preventing was him watching normal porn

which, yes, is weird, but I remember a female friend of mine in high school asserting quite vehemently that girls don't actually like penises because they are gross, and elaborating unprompted that any girl who would willingly touch one with her mouth was just a weird anomaly, and a male friend who was actually quite social and popular reacting to someone else making a joke about eating pussy with really overdramatic revulsion and telling him to never say poo poo like that again. Some people are just kinda like that before they know any better. I think it's just a manifestation of sex being scary to you at that point in life. If this guy never got around to losing his virginity and is used to clean idealized cartoon porn it doesn't seem too far-fetched to me that he'd still have that same viewpoint.

Ah sure I'm not desperately offended or anything, it's understandable enough I guess. He'd better address it pretty quick though, people don't tend to react well to "grossed out by your body"

# ? Apr 26, 2017 17:01

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Scared of green Goon: Do you live in the US? If yes, how the gently caress do you deal with money? Are the Green Bay Packers like demons from the pits of hell for you?

# ? Apr 26, 2017 17:12

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

virgin goon you're definitely not going to get it up if you're stressing about not knowing what you're doing and being a virgin and that'll be far more embarrassing

so ofc don't tell her you're a virgin

# ? Apr 26, 2017 17:17

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

limp_cheese posted:

Scared of green Goon: Do you live in the US? If yes, how the gently caress do you deal with money? Are the Green Bay Packers like demons from the pits of hell for you?

also how do you go outside in the spring and summer when green is literally everywhere

# ? Apr 26, 2017 17:18

Mad Hamish: Jun 15, 2008; WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

bradzilla posted:

also how do you go outside in the spring and summer when green is literally everywhere

Well he is a goon.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 17:27

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Jose posted:

virgin goon you're definitely not going to get it up if you're stressing about not knowing what you're doing and being a virgin and that'll be far more embarrassing

so ofc don't tell her you're a virgin

Sex is a mutual thing, hiding something from her is just going to make it more likely that it's going to go poorly. If he doesn't let her know in advance she'll just think he's awful at sex, but if he tells her and she's not an rear end in a top hat she'll know to be more guiding rather than just being disappointed. As long as you aren't a really goony weirdo that makes it way more serious than it needs to be, confessing that you're a virgin shouldn't be a problem for any adult.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 17:54

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Sex is a mutual thing, hiding something from her is just going to make it more likely that it's going to go poorly. If he doesn't let her know in advance she'll just think he's awful at sex, but if he tells her and she's not an rear end in a top hat she'll know to be more guiding rather than just being disappointed. As long as you aren't a really goony weirdo that makes it way more serious than it needs to be, confessing that you're a virgin shouldn't be a problem for any adult.

I don't think Jose was being entirely serious :ssh:

quote:

A lot of people aren't happy with the current President and aren't afraid of voicing that. Today is April 24th and I just started the first domino that'll hopefully end with Trump getting impeached.

There's been that running joke of "the piss tapes" and Trump getting peed on, or peeing on, Russian prostitutes. That isn't real, at least as far as I know.

However, Trump has visited the escort agency I work for 4 times since January. I would normally not say anything about this, as client confidentiality is key. But this weekend, he decided to screw us over and A) cheat us out of several thousand dollars and B) do something to a girl that she wasn't comfortable with and had previously agreed not to do.

I've already been in contact with several news agencies about this, basically giving this entire story and also adding evidence including copies of financial transactions, footage of Trump meeting with several girls, and verifiable timelines of events showing exactly when and where he was meeting with the girls.

I know the American people are already angry about a lot of his costs, but I'm sure they will be thrilled to find out the secret service is protecting him while he was sex with an escort every few weeks.

If this all sounds like a made up story by an anti-Trumper, just keep watching the news. The wheels of justice might grind slowly at times, but they will grind up Trump pretty soon. He might weasel his way out of being removed from office, but this should torpedo his support among a lot of Christians who believe marriage is sacred.

I'd be happy if this did happen, but I'm skeptical

besides, nothing matters lol

WARNING: following is an extremely long story about a haunted doll

quote:

This is a confession about something that happened to me when I was a kid. Nobody I've ever told this to believes me, my family refuses to discuss it any more, and even my therapist is convinced I imagined parts of it. But it's all true and hopefully at least one goon believes me.

My family moved to a new house in a new state about 700 miles away from our old home. I was 10 years old and not super popular in school, but I was devastated. I was leaving behind my handful of friends, teachers I liked, and the town I had always lived in. My sister was 15 and constantly yelling or crying about the move. She left all her friends behind and her boyfriend, who she was convinced she would marry. And this was 1996, so there was no facebook to keep up with people like there is now. Her social life was, in her eyes, over.

We started school a few weeks after moving and things weren't good. I was already shy and turned even more introverted, so I wasn't making my friends and my teacher started to believe I had a learning disorder since I didn't talk in class. My sister was even worse off, she would skip classes and they kept finding her crying in the bathroom. My parents got her signed up for sessions with the school counselor. To top it off, the job my Dad was relocated to in the first place wasn't what it was advertised as. He was working really long 14+ hour days with no end in sight. My mom was stuck running the house and with 2 kids having major emotional issues, it was difficult as hell.

Stuff started disappearing around the house like keys, change, watches, socks, shoes. We just chalked it up to being in a new place and being forgetful, but it kept escalating. My Dad suddenly got the idea in his head that my sister was doing it to try and convince us to go back home. Big argument and my dad and mom ended up looking in my sister's room. All the stuff was hidden in her closet. She insisted she didn't do it and my parents grounded her for lying.

Around this same time I started having issues with my digestion. I'd sit on the toilet for 30-45 minutes a at a time and let out the worst smelling shits you've ever smelled. They'd be the consistency of glue and usually dark black. My parents took me to a doctor who got me on some meds and gave me a strict diet to follow. I still kept having those issues and my mom became convinced I was in there masturbating at all times.

Things kept disappearing and I kept having my bathroom issues, and my angry parents ended up taking the door off the bathroom and locked my sister in her room when she was grounded. That just made both of us angrier and angrier and we both started acting out. I started getting into arguments with my parents and my teacher at school. My sister started stealing stuff from school and the grocery store.

My parents started fighting with each other and my sister told me they were probably going to get divorced. We both agreed to stop acting up because we didn't want that to happen. But things kept disappearing and lots of other annoying things happened. Like the garage door shorted out and my dad had to spend a night trying to fix it. Or the yard started getting big brown patches and they had to spend a Saturday replanting grass. Little annoyances but they kept happening constantly and it stressed my parents out.

I got the idea in my head, probably from watching Unsolved Mysteries or Sightings, that the house had a poltergeist. Something that was feeding off this turmoil and purposely making us act this way. This stupidity just made my parents more angry, since they'd find me randomly trying to drill a hole in a wall, splashing "holy water" around the place, or digging up the yard looking for graves. My parents sat us down one night and said they were getting divorced - that Dad was going to stay here for the job and Mom was going to find somewhere else to leave. We'd spend time with Mom and Dad, but things would be a lot different.

My sister and I both started crying and I ran into my room and slammed the door shut. I started pounding on the floor screaming because I didn't want this to happen. My parents came up to try and calm me down, and then the part nobody believes happened.

I kicked the wall as hard as I could and put a hole in it. A bunch of bugs crawled out of the hole. I remember them as being giant beetles, but they were probably just termites or something and my childhood memory exaggerated it. But it didn't exaggerate the next part.

I smelled a really rotten smell in the wall and suddenly my Jr. Detective skills kicked in and I was convinced this was the source of the poltergeist. I started rooting around and pulled out a shrunken head. Like a gimmicky one you'd buy in a lovely store on vacation. Even as a kid I could tell it was just made out of carved wood. But I was 100% sure this was the source of our issues. So I did what any kid would do - I grabbed the most dangerous thing in my room (my metal baseball bat) and loving smashed it to bits.

My parents and sister came in then and I showed them the wall and the bits of smashed wood, and they just hugged me and said it was no good to smash up the house.

My parents started working on getting divorced the next day. My dad spent the next few days in a hotel room close to work. But then he showed up at home, seemingly randomly, before we went to school. He told us he got laid off. He was getting 2 years severance. And then he grabbed my Mom and kissed her and said he had been an idiot. My parents never got divorced and are still married to this day. My dad found another job shortly after and had a much better work/life balance from then on.

My sister still had some issues at school but did a lot better. Grades improved and she stopped skipping, and she even got a boyfriend eventually. A piece of poo but what teenage boy isn't to some degree?

I was still a quiet nerd but I eventually made a few friends and by the time I hit middle school I was doing pretty okay socially.

My therapist has explained all this away as a big stressful life event caused by the move, and that my childhood brain justified the trauma by blaming an outside force. Like how conspiracy theorists would rather assume the whole world is working against them, instead of it just being random bad luck. I may or may not have found that shrunken head at some point, but smashing it didn't dispel evil spirits or whatever I thought it did as a kid. The timeline of events might even be way off, and finding the head may have happened way before or way after I imagined it did.

Not helping things is the fact that my parents don't like talking about that time, since they did come within a hair of divorcing. My sister has basically no memory of it since she was so miserable at the time.

Would love some goon to tell me either this is a common thing kids do in stressful times. Or tell me there's some precedent to finding things hidden in the walls that make your family miserable.

Yeah uh your therapist was probably right

Here is where I'd say maybe there really was a doll head or something that looked like one in your wall that just wasn't haunted, but if your house had termites (or giant beetles) something else probably would have come of that so the entire experience was probably an invented memory

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:01

Torquemada: Oct 21, 2010; Drei GlÃ¤ser

loquacius posted:

WARNING: following is an extremely long story about a haunted doll

You're doing god's work here.

# ? Apr 26, 2017 19:16

free basket of chips: Sep 7, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

Is haunted doll story worth reading

# ? Apr 26, 2017 20:27

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

free basket of chips posted:

Is haunted doll story worth reading

I don't know, but I expect your time is better spent (re)watching this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeBjr8Bm_wA

# ? Apr 26, 2017 20:39

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I'm a big Alex Jones fan but God Forbid you mention this on Something Awful.

He's exposing a lot of things that need exposed - conspiracies between the rich and powerful to keep us dumb and unaware of the corruption out there. There's a reason he's trusted by Trump.

He's also framed as a racist who hates Jews. That's only because the target of hatred are the globalists running things behind the scenes and manipulating world events. It just so happens that the majority of them are Jews. Nothing against the Jewish faith itself.

Also I know people like laughing at the memes about "catch him in bed with a goblin" - but that's an analogy, and a drat good one, for the evils of globalists. And people also laugh at the "chemicals that make the frogs gay" but that's a true thing. Under the Obama administration a lot of chemicals were dumped which did indeed cause brain damage to frogs and other animals that made them perform homosexual mating. I'm not saying these chemicals were intended for our water supply, but it does fit the Democrat narrative - reduce the population (being gay doesn't let you reproduce) and create new voters (typically homosexuals vote Democrat).

It's also a bit suspicious that right now, when he's at the height of popularity and actually working to help our President, that his ex-wife starts this crazy lawsuit. I know she is Jewish, so yeah, it makes you think. And I know people are laughing about the chili comment but I think we all have had brain farts due to eating a big meal, so I don't know why it's suddenly "hilarious" that a man had a temporary brainfart and couldn't remember some trivial facts about his kids.

Alex Jones is a ridiculous cartoon of a human being, as is this anon

I always go off on anti-Semitic conspiracy theorists (so yeah it makes you think :rolleyes:

) but I'm too tired right now, so: this is gibberish and you sound like a lunatic, leave it at that

quote:

At my job, you have to submit this form for expense reports. It itemizes your expenses and, here's the important part, you put down a 12 digit identification number that automatically routes it to the correct cost center. From there it either gets accepted or rejected. I'm in operations, so it routes to a different cost center than engineering or IT or hourly employees.

The other week I thought I remembered the 12 digit code for my cost center, but it turns out I typed it in wrong. Didn't realize this at the time. You get an email confirmation a few days later saying that your expense report was authorized, and in my case it would say it was approved by my boss and my boss's boss. So I get the email back within an hour of submitting it, but there's no listing of my boss approving it. It just says "Your expense report has been approved, thank you.". I thought it was weird that it happened so quick and my boss didn't approve it. A few days later my boss emailed me and said "Don't forget to submit your expense from that last trip, you only have 30 days before it gets rejected".

So I put 2 and 2 together, looked at the form, and realized I put in the wrong cost center. I mixed up a few numbers and must have unwittingly replicated the cost center of some big VP or possibly even the CEO. Somebody who just automatically gets an approval.

I'm not abusing it too much for fear of getting caught, but I've submitted a half dozen other receipts since then for various things - groceries, a fancy dinner out, and my bill from the car dealership. All got approved.

yeahhhh be careful with that poo poo

# ? Apr 27, 2017 03:25

vortmax: Sep 24, 2008; In meteorology, vorticity often refers to a measurement of the spin of horizontally flowing air about a vertical axis.

Nocheez posted:

I don't know, but I expect your time is better spent (re)watching this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeBjr8Bm_wA

RIP in peace Fragmaster

# ? Apr 27, 2017 03:38

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

Controversial Jews opinion: pretty ok in general. Like the blacks. Or asians. Or whites. Or Cherokees. Or Uzbeks. Or what the gently caress ever.

The thing that gets me with a lot of conspiracies in general is that, yes it's in the best interests of most ultra rich / powerful people to have certain kinds of goals and policies happen. It's also likely that most conspiracies in these theories end up having extremely similar goals. That's not evidence that there's a conspiracy, it's evidence that people are loving insane assholes and there should be protections put in place to prevent too much assholery from happening.

Also it's a weird scene for people to honestly look at trump and think he'd be a dude who heavily cares about sanctified marriages. Although banging escorts like that would probably tank almost all marriages.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 03:51

Kim Jong ill: Jul 28, 2010; NORTH KOREA IS ONLY KOREA.

Expenses fraud goon: that poo poo is going to get audited eventually, you will be found out, you will be fired and lucky to not end up facing charges.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 04:00

Jastiger: Oct 11, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

What would he face charges for?

# ? Apr 27, 2017 04:17

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

Embezzlement.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 04:18

Jastiger: Oct 11, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

How is it his fault they are auto approving things?

# ? Apr 27, 2017 04:21

whydirt: Apr 18, 2001; Gaz Posting Brigade

Because he's knowingly racking up fraudulent charges

# ? Apr 27, 2017 04:23

Lote: Aug 5, 2001; Place your bets

The standard is beyond a reasonable doubt that he knew it was wrong. You don't expense your car payment to the company.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 04:29

Kim Jong ill: Jul 28, 2010; NORTH KOREA IS ONLY KOREA.

Somewhere in that expenses process will be a declaration to the effect that the expenses claimed were incurred during the course of his duties. They've willingly provided a false declaration for personal financial gain, that's fraud.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 05:26

Jastiger: Oct 11, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Makes sense then

# ? Apr 27, 2017 05:27

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Embezzlement goon, don't sign anything at all when they eventually fire you. In fact, don't sign anything at all if they confront you with this. Just walk out the door. They'll try to get you to sign an affidavit stating either you knew it was wrong or that you agree to pay them back. Don't believe them that you'll keep your job if you sign it. You're probably hosed anyways, but not signing will make it more difficult on them.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 06:26

shut up blegum: Dec 17, 2008; --->Plastic Lawn<---

Depending on the size of the company, you can probably get away with this for a couple of weeks/months/years. But it's a stupid thing to do regardless. At my company 2 people got fired because they abused their fuel card.
Really lovely to lose your comfortable, well paying job because you wanted a free tank of gas imo

# ? Apr 27, 2017 07:15

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

The first offense was understandable, although I find it pretty unlikely you just happened to enter a number that someone else had. You most definitely will get caught so start applying for new jobs now. Payroll/hr people do sometimes seem incompetent and careless but they do periodically check things like this.

It reminds me of a guy I was in grad school with who thought he was so clever for applying for reimbursement for plane tickets etc from multiple sources. It worked once, so he kept doing it until somebody noticed and he had to pay it all back. It probably didn't help that he would never shut up about what he was doing to anyone that would listen, but the point still stands that they will find out eventually.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 07:28

Kim Jong ill: Jul 28, 2010; NORTH KOREA IS ONLY KOREA.

Also, if your company isn't completely poo poo, they should have an external auditor periodically coming in and going over this stuff. So even if you think your HR/finance people are dunces, don't be so sure about the auditor, their whole job is literally based around finding people like you.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 07:52

Hedrigall: Mar 27, 2008; by vyelkin

Sorry haunted doll goon, I didn't read your long-rear end boring fake confession, maybe write more concise and worthy stories next time

# ? Apr 27, 2017 08:19

morningdrew: Jul 18, 2003; It's toe-tapping-ly tragic!

Kim Jong ill posted:

Also, if your company isn't completely poo poo, they should have an external auditor periodically coming in and going over this stuff. So even if you think your HR/finance people are dunces, don't be so sure about the auditor, their whole job is literally based around finding people like you.

I mean a CEO's expense list is gonna have stuff like first class plane tickets, car services, huge bar tabs, maybe an escort service, and then here's a random receipt from a Ralph's and a Honda dealership. You're boned, dude

# ? Apr 27, 2017 11:21

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

This unlikely number entering poo poo reminds me of the one time many many moons ago I wanted to install Starcraft from CD (like I said, a long time ago) and when it prompted me for a serial I had but was not in reach I just halfhearteldy entered something random and the installer accepted it on the first try. Tried that again with that installer and many other things over the years, never managed to do it again. What are possibly the chances?

Anyways embezzlement goon, I wouldn't wanna be you. It will be found out, almost guaranteed. Like it has been said, never admit or agree to anything, don't put anything in writing, don't even discuss this with anyone in emails. You'll probably still get hosed but it will make it harder.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 13:24

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

The thing that gets me is how petty the stuff he's claiming is. Usually when people embezzle they go big and take as much as they can and leave before anyone finds out, not just use it to get free gas and groceries.

I say go all out, get reimbursed for a ferrari or two and then flee the country. At least then you'll be remembered as the guy who stole hundreds of thousands of dollars instead of the guy who took 60 bucks once a week or so. I know you're thinking "but they'll notice that and I'll get caught", but, well, as has been said repeatedly, that's already the case.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 13:31

Jastiger: Oct 11, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Police Automaton posted:

You'll probably still get hosed but it will make it harder.

The loving willbr harder?! Admit to everything, embezzlement goon! It will be harder hell yeah!

# ? Apr 27, 2017 13:33

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I helped my grandmother kill herself and my confession is I'm not sure if I did the right thing.

She was 82 and had been in pretty good shape up until she fell down at home. Broke her hip and something else happened, we never knew what. But she started forgetting things and people. Started imagining things were happening to her. I remember being heartbroken because she couldn't remember me the first time I saw her at the hospital. Her memory slowly came back, but she still had huge gaps. Remembered my mom (her daughter) but not my dad. Kept thinking I was still in middle school even though I was in my early 20s. And kept talking about things that happened to her years or decades ago like they just happened.

She was in the hospital for almost a month until the doctors said she was okay to leave. But she couldn't live on her own, she had to either live with my parents or in an assisted care home. Both my parents still worked, so they finally decided on an assisted care home. My grandma kept crying and said she didn't want to go, and I wouldn't wish the pain of that moment on my worst enemy. It made us feel awful and small and insignificant and like life just fucks you over for no reason.

Her mental condition definitely got worse over the next few days, it was like she gave up. She'd fall asleep in the middle of talking to you, her memory gaps got worse, and she started slurring her words a lot. I went there one day after work and was all by myself with her. She was off in her own world for most of it, she'd remember me, then ask who I was again, then start talking about going on vacation soon. I was crying but I just wanted to spend time with her. Then she had a rare moment of being lucid and said she wasn't happy and she was ready to pass on. Then she motioned towards the pain killers that she took every few hours and were sitting near the bed.

I opened the bottle, since she was too weak to do it. And I set that bottle down next to her. She downed a fistful and washed it down with water. And then she fell asleep and never woke up.

I went to the bathroom and came back. And then I acted like I had just walked back in to this. I ran to the nurse's station and said that my grandma had gotten in to her pain pills while I was in the bathroom and wasn't breathing.

We laid my grandma to rest soon after that, and though we were sad, we knew she was in a better place and she wouldn't have wanted to live like that. I never told anyone and nobody ever asked me if I had anything to do with it.

I had bad nightmares for a while. Stuff where doctors would say my grandma was lucid again and back to normal, but then she'd died because of me anyway. One hosed up one where we went on a big vacation together and she suddenly turned into a skeleton floating in a pool because it was filled with acid, not water. Lots of thoughts that I had listened to delirious grandma and not lucid grandma, and that maybe she'd recover herself eventually. Lots of thoughts that I'd go to Hell for murder.

I still wrestle with it a lot, to be honest. It's been 3 years and I still stay up at night sometimes debating with myself. Usually I think I did the right thing. But not always.

Eh this is a political argument I don't really feel like having, but I don't think you murdered anyone; I don't think you even "killed" anyone really. Dementia is a scary thing and I don't blame your grandma for not wanting to go through it. Personally I hope something kills me before my mind goes like that.

quote:

I had to give a big presentation at work in front of dozens of VIPs including the CEO, several VPs, and a handful of new potential clients that would have doubled or tripled our revenue if we brought them on. This was totally a make-or-break moment for me, and I spent hours and hours fine-tuning my presentation and getting it exactly where I wanted it to be. I had my powerpoint loaded up and ready to go, and I took my laptop home to practice and have my wife proofread everything multiple times.

I went to bed early to get a full night's sleep and was ready to crush it the next day. Got up early, ate a good breakfast, made it to work early, and ran through my powerpoint quickly in overview form (so no pictures, just text) one last time to make sure everything was good. That was my fatal mistake.

I give the presentation and I'm about 5 slides in when I hear someone loudly clear their throat. There's some mumbled whispers and I hear somebody laugh. I look at my powerpoint and realize why - somebody used MSPaint to draw a crude penis on a photo of a construction worker I had in my powerpoint. I apologized and said it was a techincal issue and moved on. 3 slides later - same thing. Somebody painted a penis on my photo of a woman standing in front of a truck. People were shifting in their seats now, and my boss looked pissed.

I kept powering through the presentation but every single photo of a person had a penis inserted. The worst was a guy drinking a bottle of water - it was now a man holding a disembodied penis, being sprayed with ejaculate. There was a photo of everyone in our office, all 200, and there was a tiny penis drawn on each person.

We didn't get the money we wanted from . My boss told me to take the rest of the day off. When I got home my son, who has aspergers and is only 13, asked if I liked his joke. I did something I'm not proud of, I spanked him. It was my own fault for not seeing it, or not having a password on my laptop, or not having a backup presentation I could switch to. My own fault but I was angry and blamed my son.

He went non-verbal for the rest of the night despite my apologies and begging forgiveness.

The next day I expected a pink slip, but instead I was just demoted. 35% pay cut, far less responsibility, and now I report to someone who used to be on the same level as me. Not as bad as it could be, except the 35% pay cut is retroactive to the beginning of the calendar year, when we give out raises. So my paycheck is being garnished for the next 6 months to "pay back" what I owe the company.

My son has been in bad shape since then and my wife is furious with me. Both for hitting our son and for, in her eyes, loving up my job. I'm starting to think she just used me for the money, and now that that's gone, she wants out. I don't know, it may just be the dread and depression talking.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 15:46

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

The way that first one is written makes me think it's the same writer as that one dad goon one a couple days ago where his son ran away. It has the same annoying tendency in the first couple paragraphs to start sentences with verbs without pronouns. If you're going to send in fake ones at least vary the writing style.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 15:54

Drunken Baker: Feb 3, 2015; VODKA STYLE DRINK

Dead Gran Goon, that happened to my Gran (now dead, I didn't kill her) too. She busted her hips, but they never healed properly (even after they were replaced) inside so it got infected and because she was so doddery and infirm anyway it went unnoticed for years. Turns out it was an infection and it got to her brain and that's why she went a bit barmy and started seeing poo poo and thought I was my dead uncle.

Sucks, dude. Don't bash yourself too hard. If it's real, obviously.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 16:08

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# ? May 11, 2024 20:53

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Dead grandma goon: She was old and falling apart so she didn't t have long to live. She was probably in a living hell and wanted ro die more than she could communicate. I have a grandmother that survuved two husbands, cancer, and is constantly in the hoslital for pneumonia. Last time I talked with her she was exhausted and just wanted to loving die already. Honestly what you did showed that you truly loved her.

It's obviously really sad and take some time to grieve. If she left you an inheritance use that to go out and have some fun. Think of it as the last gift from her for setting her free.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 16:21

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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