/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

TOOT BOOT posted:

I'm pretty sure I read an article a few months ago talking about how complete removal was the most popular body grooming option for women in the US.

gross, thats super gross, borderline pedophilic poo poo. ugh buy a realdoll if thats what you want

# ? May 7, 2017 01:42

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# ? Jun 2, 2024 20:42

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

edit: asking for anything other than basic human grooming is weird, accept the secondary sex characteristics of your partner rather than wanting them to be pre-designed anime/child

I wouldn't ask, unless they ask me. I've been asked to shave / grow a beard by tons of girls, or they tell me what they prefer. It's fine.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO fucked around with this message at 01:46 on May 7, 2017

# ? May 7, 2017 01:43

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

gross, thats super gross, borderline pedophilic poo poo. ugh buy a realdoll if thats what you want

You're going a bit far, dial it down to about a 5 from the 9 you're at now.

# ? May 7, 2017 01:45

TOOT BOOT: May 25, 2010

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

gross, thats super gross, borderline pedophilic poo poo. ugh buy a realdoll if thats what you want

Not really, it's an entirely common preference for men since it's the norm in porn. I don't think it's some huge burden either, I'd shove my body hair to conform with what my partner found attractive.

# ? May 7, 2017 01:48

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

I can understand keeping it trimmed, but I don't really understand the trend for women to shave it all off down there either. I'm sure it gets very itchy and uncomfortable!

# ? May 7, 2017 01:59

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Shave your pubes into fun shapes to entertain your friends and lovers

# ? May 7, 2017 02:00

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Oh hell yeah a pubes debate. Can we do the airplane/treadmill thing next?

# ? May 7, 2017 02:03

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

Danaru posted:

Childfree post about laze in bed

*has childish interests*
*somehow convinces self that kids would stop them from enjoying childish interests*

Omigosh, I like to sleep in and watch cartoons on saturday. With Kids, I'd have to stop doing that and do...whatever kids like to do... practice their nobel prize speeches or w/e

# ? May 7, 2017 02:06

Waterbed Wendy: Jan 29, 2009

TOOT BOOT posted:

'My boyfriend feels grossed out by my mustache and 70s porn star bush, what's wrong with him?'

have you ever waxed anything ever? have you ever done it every 6 weeks?

# ? May 7, 2017 02:11

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

enough of this gross stuff, lets have a nice story.

I [28f] work as an escort. I�m falling for a lovely lady client[3?f]

quote:

With my escort work I give the gf experience, I�m not just a hold to fill. I provide a service for lonely people who need it.

For almost two months now I�ve been working with this lovely lady. I take her on a date almost weekly and she treats me like a princess. We go to fancy restaurants, parks, shows, whatever she thinks of. After that we go to her condo and spend the night together. Sometimes we have sex, sometimes we just snuggle.

The conversations we have are one sided mostly. Either I�ll talk to fill the silence and she�ll listen, or she�ll talk about work and I�ll listen. She�s a scientist(Chemistry I think. She has a lab and does experiments.) and is really smart so I don�t understand everything but it�s just nice to listen to her talk. She says she likes to bounce ideas of me - saying them aloud helps her think.

With most of my client�s it feels like a job. Like a chore I need to do to get paid but with her I look forwards to it. I�m catching strong feelings for her and want to spend more time. I�ve started being more affectionate with her but I don�t think she noticed. If she did she might just think it�s part of the act.

I�ve been wanting to ask her to stop paying me and actually be my girlfriend but don�t know how to go about it. I don�t want to come across as a gold digger. I don�t know if dating a �hooker� would be an issue for her. Right now she thinks it�s all fantasy but I want so much more. Every time I�m with her I feel like I�m being swept off my feet by my charming princess.

She�s smart, attractive, wealthy, has a good job and owns a condo so it�s weird that she doesn�t have a girlfriend or wife. I asked her why she�s single and she said she�s a skizoid and has issues with people. I tried goggling what it was but didn�t find anything so don�t know what it means(it was all in a weird language), but she doesn�t have issues with me so I was thinking I could ask her out.

What do you think about giving her money back? Like next time she pays me hand it back or slip it in her pocket and say �this is pleasure, not business.� all seductive like.

Or I could wait outside her condo for her to finish work and do the whole, �I missed you and needed to see you� thing.

Or I could not leave in the morning. I actually like this idea just thinking of it. I could get up before her and make her a nice breakfast and help her dress for work. Since I�m not on the clock in the mornings that could tell her how I feel without telling her.

So what do you guys think? Do I have a chance with her? I know she likes me because she keeps coming back for more, just hope she likes me as much as I like her.

tl;dr: Falling for my smart, sexy, classy client. Do I have a chance?

# ? May 7, 2017 02:22

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

Cool, I get to play spoiler:

It was written one-handedly by the client

There is no Santa Claus

# ? May 7, 2017 02:29

Tacky-Ass Rococco: Sep 7, 2010; by R. Guyovich

dudeness posted:

enough of this gross stuff, lets have a nice story.

I [28f] work as an escort. I�m falling for a lovely lady client[3?f]

I wanna watch this movie.

# ? May 7, 2017 02:29

Troposphere: Jul 11, 2005; psycho killer
qu'est-ce que c'est?

that sounds like something I'd write tbh

# ? May 7, 2017 02:31

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Tacky-rear end Rococco posted:

I wanna watch this movie.

You're in luck, i know of something similar and it has 19 sequels.

# ? May 7, 2017 02:34

Gloryhold It!: Sep 22, 2008; Fucking
Adorable

Troposphere posted:

that sounds like something I'd write tbh

Yeah, that super does

# ? May 7, 2017 02:43

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

TOOT BOOT posted:

Not really, it's an entirely common preference for men since it's the norm in porn

this is bad

# ? May 7, 2017 02:49

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

i shaved once it made my pee pee look bigger

# ? May 7, 2017 02:57

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

maskenfreiheit posted:

i shaved once it made my pee pee look bigger

https://twitter.com/MeninistTweet/status/661010231946821632

# ? May 7, 2017 03:00

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

gross, thats super gross, borderline pedophilic poo poo. ugh buy a realdoll if thats what you want

Lol

# ? May 7, 2017 03:09

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

This is why age gaps matter

My [24F] boyfriend [34M] doesn't seem to care about meeting our newborn son

quote:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We found out last year that we were expecting and had our son 3 weeks ago.

During the pregnancy, I bought everything in preparation for our child. My boyfriend only bought a stroller and car seat even though he said multiple times that he wanted to go shopping for the baby. I did tell him though that I would buy as much as I can for the baby because my boyfriend was supposed to get a place for us and take care of the baby and I.

He also never went to any doctors appointments even though, once again, he said he wanted to go. I gave him all of the information needed to go to doctors appointments and he never showed up. Whatever, I let that go. His job is very demanding. He has no days off and he works 12-16 hours every day.

He made promises up and down that he would be there for the birth. I had to be induced so we knew exactly when the baby would be there. THE NIGHT BEFORE the baby is expected to arrive my boyfriend informs me that he has been using painkillers and alcohol and that he is currently in a rehab. Why wouldn't he tell me that when he first checked into the rehab instead of making me believe he would be at the hospital??? He never answered that question.

All of that, I let go and gave him another chance. He said he would be here to meet the baby as soon as he was done with his rehab program. That day comes and he's nowhere to be found. He informs me later on that he has another week to go in the program. He apologizes. Fine. Whatever. "I'll see you next week."

Here we are a day after he is "released from rehab" and he's not here and I have not heard from him since yesterday morning. At that time he said, "I'll be there as soon as I'm outta here and have my truck. I love you."

A couple of things are fishy. One, he won't tell me the name of the rehab. I keep asking and he keeps ignoring my questions. Two, he says he broke his phone March 6, but has been emailing me since then (even through his time in rehab). Three, he would not call me even though I asked multiple times while he was in rehab. Four, he told me he was in a city that is about 116 miles away from where I believed him to be staying.
I'm feeling conflicted because he was there for me when I went through my addiction with pain killers and heroin (2 years sober), but it also makes me infuriated that he would do this when we have a child together. He also stated that he started doing drugs and alcohol because of a fight we got into about my sex life before our relationship started. We got into this fight about 5 or 6 months into my pregnancy.

As I type this out, I'm asking myself why I'm even trying with him anymore. Maybe I answered my own question, but I'm still posting this because I'm honestly at a loss as to what to do now because of our son and everything. Do I just move on and cut him off? I feel like our son deserves to meet his dad.

Tl;dr My boyfriend doesn't seem to care about meeting our newborn son.
[quote]

[quote]
I know. When I finally broke down 2 years ago and told him I had been doing heroin, he was absolutely furious because his whole family are drug addicts (or so he says). So when he told me he was in rehab I was completely blindsided and not sure if I believe it even now.

quote:

He doesn't have social media. I've searched his name, number, and email across all platforms of social media. All he has is a Google+ account. And I only know his moms name. The issue with searching for his family based on just the last name is that his last name is extremely common.

La Brea Carpet fucked around with this message at 03:28 on May 7, 2017

# ? May 7, 2017 03:18

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

Congrats on being the latest addition to this dude's secret families

# ? May 7, 2017 03:27

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Pick posted:

F-fingerblast that little turd

Racoony is a pure and asexual creature, tyvm. I'll get right on it.

# ? May 7, 2017 03:47

DJ Fuckboy Supreme: Feb 10, 2011; And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

this is bad

don't feel persecuted because of your love of wild untrimmed crotch, friend

# ? May 7, 2017 03:55

Lord Ludikrous: Jun 7, 2008; Enjoy your tea...

TOOT BOOT posted:

Not really, it's an entirely common preference for men since it's the norm in porn. I don't think it's some huge burden either, I'd shove my body hair to conform with what my partner found attractive.

I think it's something a lot of people have been conditioned into. I've told various partners over the years that they don't have to get rid of it if they don't want to, but they did anyway because they found it disgusting. I then asked if they'd keep it but just trim it because I like it that way but no dice.

If it's conditioning that's come about because of porn, then it's firmly entrenched and has been for a while.

# ? May 7, 2017 06:59

elise the great: May 1, 2012; You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Long pubic hair is itchy and loving horrible to deal with if you menstruate. But if you grow it out, for the love of god almighty, comb that poo poo for strays if you plan to have anyone's face down there, because a loose pube stuck to your tonsil can end a spelunking expedition immediately.

I don't care how magical your secret garden is, if I choke on the shrubbery, you can take of hoeing your own flowerbed, if you know what I mean. I suspect it's the same for a decent number of pube haters: got a mouthful of weeds, now prefer the sidewalk.

# ? May 7, 2017 07:14

Thumbtacks: Apr 3, 2013

while I see your point I feel like if the tables were turned and she demanded that he shave his pubes because she hates blowing him i guarantee he wouldn't do it and he'd complain that she's being bitchy and complaining

# ? May 7, 2017 07:32

elise the great: May 1, 2012; You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

The garden metaphor can be generalized to include weird veiny topiary too

Although for real if I can't slobber on a dong without getting flossed, it's even worse than having to fight through the thorns to find the berry. You expect to have to focus a lil bit on a lip trip, but dick should be simple enough to handle in the dark, you know?

# ? May 7, 2017 07:43

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Keep your pubics neat and tidy

# ? May 7, 2017 07:58

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Pick posted:

Men like this are garbage and anyone who uses the phrase "love language" would be a rapist if they didn't lose arm wrestling competitions to squirrels, kittens, and the elderly

Eh different strokes for different folks, some people enjoy the validation while others are uncomfortable with anything like that outside the bedroom. It's gross that she has expressed she's not into it and he continues to do it but if it were all above board there'd be nothing wrong with it.

My gf and I play grabass with each other all the time and it's nice, and I've had exes who are the same way. I've also dated people who didn't even really like to hold hands or hug much, and I respected their wishes but it totally sucked.

# ? May 7, 2017 08:11

big dyke energy: Jul 29, 2006; Football? Yaaaay

elise the great posted:

Long pubic hair is itchy and loving horrible to deal with if you menstruate.

I have seen this complaint on the internet but have never heard of or experienced it in real life. I have had periods for fifteen years and the only time I've had itchy pubes is when I experimented with shaving. I've never had girlfriends or close friends complain about itchy pubes like that.

# ? May 7, 2017 10:22

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Thumbtacks posted:

while I see your point I feel like if the tables were turned and she demanded that he shave his pubes because she hates blowing him i guarantee he wouldn't do it and he'd complain that she's being bitchy and complaining

Considering it's common enough that men call shaving around their doin's "manscaping", I really don't think so

# ? May 7, 2017 13:11

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

lmao @ any man with such weak chi that he cant control his bodily functions just by focused meditation. i posted this while sprouting tiny beards from each one of my knuckles.

# ? May 7, 2017 13:56

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

elise the great posted:

Long pubic hair is itchy and loving horrible to deal with if you menstruate. But if you grow it out, for the love of god almighty, comb that poo poo for strays if you plan to have anyone's face down there, because a loose pube stuck to your tonsil can end a spelunking expedition immediately.

I don't care how magical your secret garden is, if I choke on the shrubbery, you can take of hoeing your own flowerbed, if you know what I mean. I suspect it's the same for a decent number of pube haters: got a mouthful of weeds, now prefer the sidewalk.

I dunno man I shaved my balls once and they got extra stinky. :shrug:

# ? May 7, 2017 13:56

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

I dunno man I shaved my balls once and they got extra stinky.

Wash your Balls

# ? May 7, 2017 13:58

Hedenius: Aug 23, 2007

Haifisch posted:

Further evidence that these people hate children because they don't wanna grow up themselves.

100% true for all of these childfree idiots. I can understand not wanting children or wanting to have some places for adults only. Screaming kids ruining your night at the opera, when you went to see The Human Centipede 2 or that time you went to a Michelin Star restaurant? Perfectly fine to be annoyed with. But it's always their visit to Disney world, a premiere of the latest Pixar movie or the release of the latest Harry Potter. "I can't believe there are kids watching this film aimed at children!"

# ? May 7, 2017 14:41

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Me [24 F] with my boyfriend [50 M] of one year. His porn obsession has gone to far and I don't know what to do.

quote:

***This is a throwaway account as we are both huge redditors.

So, I always knew that my boyfriend liked to watch porn and I had no problem with that, but I don't want to be part of it. He, on the other hand, wants me to take part in his porn watching. It has gone to the point where he would want to watch in on the TV in our bedroom to try to get me into it. I told him I wanted no part in it, but he would pout and complain until I put my foot down.

One day, while I was at work, he rearranged our bedroom. Now our bedroom has two smallish TVs. He also bought blu-tooth headphones for both of us. He thought this was a COMPROMISE. Now, we can both watch what we want and not get upset. I want to watch The Office, Better Call Saul, etc. He wants to watch hardcore porn. He is upset that I am upset and I'm not sure if I should just go along with it or not.

Please give me advice about what to do. Is this salvageable?

**Edit: I might be offline for a while. He just got home, he's drunk and he wants me to watch porn with him. Trying to make my way out of here. Will give updates.

tl;dr: Boyfriend bought two TVs so he can watch porn and I can watch shows.

# ? May 7, 2017 14:48

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

quote:

he would pout and complain until I put my foot down

What a whiny little bitch.

E- 50M WTF :stonk:

# ? May 7, 2017 14:49

Fartbox: Apr 27, 2017; What's happening? Dri fu an only two? what is this?
Is this an avatar? I don't know rm dunk

How much of a loser you gotta be to hook up with a 50 year old dude 30 years older than yourself who is obsessed with internet porn

cmon girl

# ? May 7, 2017 14:50

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

All y'all idiots realize you can trim hair without shaving it? If someone is gonna be down there a lot, trimming it takes seconds and makes everything easier logistically. Demanding shaving is one thing, asking for a bit of breathing room is another.

# ? May 7, 2017 15:00

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# ? Jun 2, 2024 20:42

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

I'm more confused why he wants to always watch porn rather than bang the gf

# ? May 7, 2017 15:06

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