/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Bamabalacha posted:

I've seen that one before and I'm 100% on her side.

I have a little brother who is fairly severely disabled, but incredibly well socialized and well behaved. I've spent my entire life going to events that were filled with people like her sister in law and wanting a one day break from that, especially when you've agreed to care for that person later in life, is completely reasonable.

Like having a severely disabled sibling is awful, no matter how great they are, and she's willingly signing on to that life for the forceeable future. Let her have one day without making GBS threads and barfing and screaming.

In that case she should approach the husband and ask if either she can't attend or if he will help pacify her rather than trying to dope her up on the low

# ? May 9, 2017 01:15

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 11:54

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Panfilo posted:

Pick have you ever imagined getting to be the Person Under the Truck...

No, I don't get to be the person under the truck. I was raised to behave like a respectable woman.

# ? May 9, 2017 01:17

Bamabalacha: Sep 18, 2006; Outta my way, ya dumb rah-rah!

Blue Train posted:

In that case she should approach the husband and ask if either she can't attend or if he will help pacify her rather than trying to dope her up on the low

The best approach would be to talk to her husband and his family and her doctors and come up with a way to allow her to attend the wedding. The fact that she is even thinking about finding alternate , even drugged up, ways to get the sister to the wedding is much more than most people want to do.

As I said, my brother is very disabled but very well socialized and he freaked out like 80% of my serious boyfriends. The fact that she wants to keep the sister in her life is awesome and not at all the norm.

# ? May 9, 2017 01:19

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

La Brea Carpet posted:

Bought VIP Meet & Greet Concert Tickets. Performer left the Venue without performing or meeting fans. What are my legal rights?

Some pretty standard, boring legal advice. Sounds like this person paid out a good amount for VIP tickets and got screwed. Who was the artist that caused the near riot? Click below to find out!

http://imgur.com/a/r7mCx

sounds like they're going to get to visit a magical place called "small claims court"

Though most people poo poo bricks at a certified letter and mail a check, if my experiences with shady landlords are any indication.

# ? May 9, 2017 01:25

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Pick posted:

No, I don't get to be the person under the truck. I was raised to behave like a respectable woman.

I mean at this point you've got nothing to lose...? Why not be the person that your partner can fuss over and expend an inordinate amount of energy over, instead of being the exhausted long suffering counterpart?

# ? May 9, 2017 01:30

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

quote:

I can certainly empathize with the other people who posted in this thread, especially the OP. I have made this new friend. He's a guy about my age. We have a lot in common, especially our career interests, which is how we connected in the first place.

The first time we met , I seemed to click with him as I've rarely clicked with people my age. He was so nice to me and treated me as if I was an old friend. In fact, he actually told me that I have another friend in him. They say that first impressions matter and my first impression of this guy mattered a lot.

Unfortunately, my Asperger's led me to come on strong to my new friend and not respect his "space" (his word) in my electronic communications to him. After he told me that I was coming on strong to him, I tried to do better in my electronic communications to him. Unfortunately, I didn't do a good enough job and my friend eventually cut off contact with me.

My friend knows that I have Asperger's. We met through an online forum about employment with a U.S. government agency that we both have received a conditional job offer from. And one time, I had mentioned on the forum that I had Asperger's. So my friend believed that he was trying to be more than accommodating to me and my Asperger's. But I couldn't help it how strongly that I feel about him, even though I barely know him.

But the irony of the situation is that I have met the guy in person twice for a total of six hours (4 hours the first time and 2 hours the second time) and both times, my interaction with him was normal. It was just in my electronic communications with him that I came on strong. During our first outing, I actually thought that I didn't talk enough. If anything, my friend came on strong during our first outing and even before we met in electronic communications. This is why I came on so strong to him. Even though I was conscious of the fact that I was coming on strong to my friend, I was still really taken aback by his reaction to my behavior as he had been so nice to me.

After I sent the text that made him cut me off, the silence from him was killing me and so I left him multiple text messages and phone messages and also dialed his phone number multiple times, even though I knew that he probably wouldn't answer. These were stupid and thoughtless moves that only made the situation worse.

I've been in communication with a mental health counselor that I used to see for my Asperger's to ask him for advice about the situation. About two weeks after my friend cut off contact with me, I sent him a message telling him that I was talking to my counselor about the situation. He responded--his first message to me since he cut off contact with me--that he understood that I have had trouble making friends, but that doesn't give me the right to disrespect his feelings. He ended his message by telling me not to contact him again. Obviously, I have made him very uncomfortable and he probably doesn't know how to react toward me. In hindsight, having an online forum as the only social link between my new friend and me was not a good way to try to start and maintain a friendship. It might not even be a good idea for a NT person, and it definitely isn't a good idea for someone with Asperger's like me.

I still would like to try to patch things up with my new friend, if I can still really call him that. I've been trying to give him the "space" that he says that he needs and that I have been inconsiderate about. I'll probably try to contact him again in a few weeks, but it may be difficult to do so. The problem between us is that he doesn't really understand me and I don't really understand him. I might even have to explain to him about my Asperger's and how it affects my behavior. But I really wouldn't want to use my Asperger's as a crutch and as a way to excuse my totally inappropriate, immature, and emotionally needy behavior toward my friend. However, I can't help it or ignore the fact that my Asperger's probably did affect my judgment and behavior in regards to my friend. Even though my behavior was inexcusable, I was not at all being intentionally inconsiderate. I may just need to get my friend to understand this if it comes down to it.

quote:

My friend doesn't really understand me or my Asperger's. And I also think that my friend has some sort of issues of his own as well. That may have been why he insisted on the online forum that we meet in the first place even though I was very hesitant about doing so, but then he later got scared. When I was still Facebook friends with him before he blocked me, I saw two pieces of evidence on Facebook, one from his childhood and one from his adulthood, that has led me to infer that he has gone through some rough times of some sort. I don't want to get into the details as it's really personal and it would be considered controversial even in this forum. But my friend went through a big lifestyle change between the time of his childhood and sometime in his adulthood or adolescence. After I saw these things on Facebook, I didn't get a chance to hang out with him again. But even if I had, I still wouldn't have been comfortable asking my friend about it yet. However, the issues that I perceive from my friend is one reason why I really want to patch things up with him. I think that he needs a friend just as much as I need a friend.

quote:

Hopefully, I'll eventually be able to make up with him. I would really value his friendship, even though I don't know him very well. And the ironic thing is that even though my friend came on strong during our first meeting and even before, I was NOT scared at all. In fact, I really liked his coming on strong. It's why I unfortunately ended up coming on strong to him, which I rarely do to other people. It was so easy to interact with him. I guess he's what I've long needed. But my new friend may not know whether I'm what he's needed.

quote:

My friend doesn't really understand me anymore than I understand him. He also doesn't know me well enough to judge me the way that he has. But that was my mistake from the beginning. I didn't know him well enough to come on as strong to him as I did. However, even though I liked him coming on strong to me during our first outing, he obviously didn't know me well enough to come on as strong as he did. I really do believe that I have to work this out with him, no matter what it takes. And as nice as my friend was when we first met, I'm sure that I can eventually get him to understand me and my issues.

quote:

I'm not going to get into trouble with the authorities. lol I haven't done anything illegal and wouldn't do anything illegal. He's reacted to me the way that he has because he doesn't really understand my Asperger's and the way that it can affect my behavior. What I did was socially inappropriate, but it was unintentional. I've practically had an infatuation for him, if you can call it that. I rarely act like this socially. Usually I'm not socially assertive and don't try to initiate social contact. But this new friend of mine is just different, I don't know why. Maybe because he initiated our meeting in the first place and in a very assertive manner and continued that assertiveness during our first meeting. What I would regret is not trying to make up with him and becoming friends with him. And anyways, we might eventually work together. So I should try to work things out with him for at least that reason.

# ? May 9, 2017 01:31

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My wife [32F] is absolutely DEVASTATED that our daughter [4F] says she loves her aunt [34F] more than her own mother, and I [29M] am at a loss as to what to do

quote:

My wife and I have been married for six years. We have an almost- five year old daughter. I am an only child myself, but my wife is the middle child, with an older sister and a younger brother [29].

When our child was a baby and toddler, my wife stayed home with her and we all just lived on my income as an architect. I have an office downtown, but the company I work for generally lets me work at home, and I go to the downtown office one a week, twice at the most.

When our daughter entered kindergarten early, my wife got a job as a substitute teacher (her degree is in history), and has a deal with the district where in she is pretty much guaranteed to have an assignment only once a week, every Thursday. When she is home, she takes care of our daughter and also works on paintings, which she sells on Etsy. She uses the money she earns teaching to buy her art supplies. When my wife is with our daughter she usually takes her to the park, on walks, to the library, on playdates. Occasionally when I can spare the time during the day, I accompany them for a while.

My wife's sister, who is unmarried and lives alone in an apartment about fifteen minutes away by car, offered to come over and watch our daughter on Thursdays. While it would seem unnecessary, since I am at home all the time practically, my work is actually very involved and requires all of my concentration, and when I'm working at home, it's behind a closed home-office door.

Typically what will happen is that my wife has to leave for her own assignment much earlier than when our daughter leaves for school, so my wife's sister comes over early in the morning even though I'm around and could drop our daughter off at school if needed.

My wife's sister and I generally get daughter dressed, make breakfast, and my wife's sister then takes daughter to school. My daughter gets out of kindergarten around lunchtime, so my wife's sister always just comes back to our house to make lunch for everyone. She will then pick daughter up from school and we all eat together. She will then play with daughter and hang out with her until three or four o'clock in the afternoon, at which time my wife comes home.

This happens one time per week.

Occasionally, during the two or three hour window between lunch and my wife coming home, my sister in law will take daughter to the mall or out for ice cream.

Three nights ago my wife and I were telling our daughter to finish her vegetables at dinner, and she was being very pouty about it. My wife insisted that she finish her asparagus or else she didn't deserve dessert.

At that point our daughter said, "I hate vegetables why do I have to eat them? I love Auntie [name] better; she isn't mean like you."

I judged her statement to be the childish and somewhat manipulative outburst for what it was, but my wife just acted so strangely about it.

She just got up from the table, asked me to make sure our daughter finished her food, and went to our bedroom and shut the door. I didn't think too much about it at the moment, but fifteen minutes later I went to the bedroom to check on my wife and I could tell she had been crying.

I've asked her about it and she says she's okay. I told her that our kid is just being a bratty kid and that she's trying to do the kid thing and manipulate us, maybe even unknowingly so.

But I can tell my wife actually is terrified that our daughter loves her aunt more than her.

My wife then said she doesn't want to be a substitute teacher anymore and doesn't want her sister coming over. Prior to this incident, my wife always said how much she enjoyed "teacher Thursday" because she loved making a difference in the classroom, loved speaking to a class, and all that.

When I mentioned in an offhand way that her sister would probably be disappointed (but that I also went along with her decision to quit teaching if that's what she really wants), my wife said something like, "Who cares what she thinks? Why do you care?"

Then she said her sister was stealing her family, and said something that makes me upset even now:

"She's trying to steal you, too, are you blind? Do you mind if she steals you? Have you * * * *ed her? You * * * *ed her didn't you? Is she better?"

I tried REALLY hard not to get furious at such a suggestion but I was really hurt. I was so insulted that I haven't dignified that accusation with a response to her (FYI I DIDN'T **** my sister in law), and just think that's she's upset because our daughter said she loves her aunt more than her mom.

My wife's been really sad the last couple of days. I suggested she go see a therapist (my insurance covers it) but she insists everything is okay. I can tell she's sad.

What can I do here? What do I tell her?

Is there any explanation for her behavior?

Just have no idea where any of this is coming from.

tl;dr: Our daughter says she loves her aunt more than her mother (my wife), and my wife is distraught. I don't know what to do here.

God help this woman once her daughter's a teenager.

# ? May 9, 2017 01:36

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

fruit on the bottom posted:

Simpler Times

How do I [13M] get my sister to let me go to a movie with friends tonight?

Yet again siblings as guardians are the best parents on reddit.

# ? May 9, 2017 01:38

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost