quote:

My moms cooking is just down right gross. Only she likes it, my dads way too passive to say anything so he ends up either choking it down or having a hot dog or sandwich.

My dad earns a really good salary, my grandmothers an excellent cook(she lives in another state though), my moms home all day, she has tons of cook books, there's no reason for her nasty food.

Some examples:

Plain pasta with olive oil and cinnamon.

The only vegetables she serves are creamed corn and microwaved Lima beans.

More salt than the drama section of Reddit.

Cinnamon goes on everything garlic too.

"Hot dogs". Hot dogs left in warm water for 2 hours fished out and slapped on to a cold hamburger roll with mustard.

And more delicious dishes /s

I've stared to make my own food, I'll set aside the portion of meat for my meal and I buy some vegetables and stuff with money I've made babysitting and tutoring.

She keeps trying to get everyone to eat her food all the time.

How do I break it to her?

tl;dr: My moms food is nasty(cinnamon sprinkled on pasta and olive oil), my dads too passive to say a word.

ArbitraryC posted:

Just swap the plates each time after he portions em out.

Blue Train posted:

I almost jokingly made this post, smh

Haifisch posted:

quote:

Plain pasta with olive oil and cinnamon.

Haifisch posted:

Several redditors unironically offered that as a solution.

Danaru posted:

Blue Train posted:

Ofc they did, ugh

Blue Train posted:

Seriously tho women watch out because men are elephants when it comes to remembering sex acts and will beat off to memories years later

quote:

I'm mostly confused. We were out celebrating my birthday. Things were rocky and she caused some drama with another friend that didn't show up but we moved past it

We were at Dave&Busters arcade cashing in tickets and she took one of the basketballs and threw it at my face. This wasn't a "hey catch this" it was downright malicious. It hit my nose which is very tender. I've broken it twice and it was knocked a few days ago pretty hard and was still a smidgen sore.

I called her out and stood up for myself. I said something like "that's Not okay with me, please don't do that". I didn't get an apology, I got an eyeroll.

We left shortly after because I was tired from working and driving around all day. I tried to hug her but she folded her arms across her chest and didn't respond.

I don't want to feel bad for standing up to her. I'm trying to understand her perspective. I live far away (I have for two and a half years now) and have another life away from her. I have a relationship and lost weight, which I thought she may have been jealous over. She kind of saved my life at the start of the year, but I don't want to feel indebted to her over that if she physically hurts me.

Tl;Dr: best friend threw a basketball at my face and is giving me attitude over my displeasure of it.

Blue Train posted:

I almost jokingly made this post, smh

ArbitraryC posted:

I mean it's tongue in cheek but at the same time it's a possible solution to their problem, she's already talked to him about it and nothing has changed so if he truly believes nothing is wrong he shouldn't mind right?

Three Olives posted:

I'm still not quite sure what the issue is besides it being some arbitrary level of "unfair". Is she going hungry? Is it some pre-portioned serving of meat that maxes out their daily budget and that couple of pieces of meat he is eating is making her go hungry?

It sounds like she is a food possessive dog that refuses to cook. It's funny how these things that they think are so small reveal so much about how hosed up their relationships are.

Blue Train posted:

That is extremely vague but i am going to guess he meant greeting and parting? But yea there's no telling

Three Olives posted:

I'm still not quite sure what the issue is besides it being some arbitrary level of "unfair". Is she going hungry? Is it some pre-portioned serving of meat that maxes out their daily budget and that couple of pieces of meat he is eating is making her go hungry?

It sounds like she is a food possessive dog that refuses to cook. It's funny how these things that they think are so small reveal so much about how hosed up their relationships are.

quote:

Been with girlfriend for eight months.

I work in IT. She works as a waitress and actress.

I make pretty decent money and have nice things. Nice car, paid in cash (new VW SUV is nice to me, anyway), nice apartment, no debt, college paid for, grad school done and paid for. 760 FICO.

I buy lots of stuff at the dollar store. Cleaning products, trash bags, snacks and candy.

Girlfriend thinks I'm kind of a cheapskate to do that and it's embarrassing to her, she says. She never accompanies me to the dollar store.

I think the dollar store is kind of cool. I don't buy all my groceries there. I don't buy fresh vegetables there, or meat or something.

Only prepackaged, name-brad stuff. I check the dates to make sure they're still good.

It saves a lot of money. I have over a twenty thousand dollars saved in cash which is pretty good for me. Also have my 401K maxed out contributions.

I think I'm doing pretty well.

Girlfriend thinks I should just buy from Whole Foods or Trader Joe's at least.

Those stores are okay for special things or special occasions.

I don't think girlfriend saves a lot of money herself. I think she's in a lot of debt. Still paying for her art degree. Parents help her with rent. Never offers to pay, never has money.

She picks the places. Whenever I pick it's cheap. Chili's, TGIFriday's, Carrow's, Red Robin. to her those are low-end.

She says that I'm kind of a cheapskate.

Thoughts?

tl;dr: I buy lots of things from the dollar store. Girlfriend makes fun of me for it.

quote:

This is such a hard situation to be in. We make NO sense together. Logically, we're as wrong for each other as Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman were. He's short, I'm tall. He's perilously negative, I'm chronically and obnoxiously happy. He's crass and foul-mouthed... well, we both are, so that's a match....

He's still in love with his ex, from whom he's been divorced for 15 months now. I get that it's because of the kid involved. He has a special place in his heart for her because she's the mother of his child, I get it.

In all the time that we've been friends, that's all it's been. He doesn't even like touching me unnecessarily. Aside from hello OR (not both) goodbye hugs, he maintains his physical (and emotional and mental and...) distance.

The problem is this... in the course of our friendship, I've spent INORDINATE amounts of time with him. Learning him, pushing his buttons, spending time with him and the kid (who is his WHOLE life), and just being a good friend. I've listened to rants about the ex. I've let him cry. I've been there for him to talk to when I know he's lonely. And in that time, I've grown very fond of him and grown to love him very much. We have awesome inside jokes, we do have a LOT of fun picking on each other, making people in public very uncomfortable. It's... weird and I love it.

He's got abandonment issues. He's been trying to push me away virtually since we met. He can handle short term, superficial relationships, but does not WANT anything beyond that. It sucks. He pushes, I fight back. I fight very VERY hard to stay in his life. Why? Because I know what it's like to be left, and then try to push people away in an effort to protect myself. It's not that I didn't WANT people around... I wanted them so badly that I knew I'd DIE if they hurt me, so I pushed them out.

He's depressed. Doesn't know some days if he'll make it through. He told me, more than once, that if I get attached, it'll be my fault that I'll be hurt when he kills himself. It pisses me off. He knows I care.

We fight ALL the time. We've "broken up" more than a handful of times. We are COMPLETELY dysfunctional. The hosed up thing is that we both love it. "Fighting is our sex" as he eloquently put it. (You know... since we don't ACTUALLY sex...)

I know in my head that it can't be anything, at least not now or any time soon. He's not ready to move on past his ex. I understand, and I'm not putting my life on hold for him. BUT... there might be a part of me, thinking with my heart, that hopes. Hopes he can get over the past and love me that way. Hopes he can forgive himself and open up.

But for now, I'm just his friend. I'm his friend who drives 40 minutes to see him, multiple times a week. His friend who adores watching him be a father... he's such a good dad and his kid loves him SO much. I'm his friend who listens to him rant. I'm his friend to fight with. I'm his friend who spends the night and never touches him because... he's not attracted to me enough? he's not over his ex at all? he wants me 3 feet away at all times? I don't know. I don't understand that part. At all.

He tries sometimes. He's taken me out to do stuff outside his comfort zone. He's tried making physical contact a part of our weird relationship... He just can't handle it. He tries to be there for me when I need someone, but it always ends up being about him. I have cried more times over him in the last 6 months than I ever cried for my ex of six years.

Again, I know it's illogical, but I wonder why I'm not enough. I wonder how I can't snap him out of this, or if I can how long it will take and if it's even worth that effort. I want to save him. I KNOW, I KNOW that's hosed up... I KNOW

I've told him how I feel. That I love him, know that he's not ready for anything, but will be around even if he pushes. He told me that he's grateful that I do though, because in his words, it's saved him from doing something irreversible.

Sigh... logic has no place in love and love has little use for logic... but pain is an equal opportunity emotion.

Do I continue to fight with him? For him? For there to be an "us"?

It's so hosed up that this is the first real dysfunctional relationship I've had... and I love it.

tl:dr; I am wasting my time, most likely. He's hosed up and I'm hosed up for loving him anyway

Neophyte posted:

Hey Pick I found your sister from another mister!

I [30f] love my best friend [30m]. We're enormously dysfunctional and I LOVE fighting with him. That's not normal is it?


At first I was a little worried that I'd be banned for doxxing Pick's Reddit account, but this guy is allegedly a good father so that can't be wheelchair cupcake man.

Haifisch posted:

Is it a red flag that my girlfriend [30] makes fun of me [26M] for buying things at the dollar store?

On one hand, thinking you should shop at whole foods is a -tier offense.

On the other hand, you can probably afford to buy trash bags that won't rip if you look at them funny.

Three Olives posted:

I'm still not quite sure what the issue is besides it being some arbitrary level of "unfair". Is she going hungry? Is it some pre-portioned serving of meat that maxes out their daily budget and that couple of pieces of meat he is eating is making her go hungry?

ArbitraryC posted:

I always cook with leftovers in mind so I dunno how this would really come up, if my gf wants more she can just grab another serving but it sounds like he's just cooking for one meal and giving himself more of the good stuff, a lesson literal children are taught to handle in ways such as "I'll make two portions and you pick which one you want", I dunno how two grown rear end adults couldn't figure it out.

Pick posted:

He is not a dad, and he has not been with his ex for like five years, but aside from that, gosh that's all very familiar

quote:

I have opinions in here in regards to the deaf community, which I (as a generality) have a low opinion of, mainly due to the way they view deafness. I am not here to argue these positions, although I expect few to disagree with me. If you disagree with these views, please do not respond to this post. I cried a lot when writing this and it is very rambly, so I apologize in advance.

I am deaf, and I was born deaf. My parents are deaf, and have been their whole lives. They met in high school, where they bonded over being the only other hearing-disabled person they each knew. High school sweetheart type thing. My parents were not able to have children, and they adopted me and my brother. They chose to adopt us because we were deaf; this has never been a hidden fact.

My parents, and my brother, have a lifestyle issue that has impacted our relationship throughout my entire life. We have a strong disagreement; summed up, they see deafness as a culture/lifestyle, and something to be proud of, and I see it as a curse or disease, and something that doesn't (or shouldn't) determine who you are as a person. My parents view is based off a prevalent attitude in the deaf community, which has good intentions (not being ashamed of a disability) but takes it to bad places, as in my situation. My parents believe that efforts to cure or reduce deafness are a form of cultural encroachment. They were involved in an effort to publicly ignore a man from their friend-group because he chose to get the same procedure I received. I have never heard them use this term, but they associate with several people I know use the word "genocide" to describe the hearing disabled receiving procedures like the one I received. My parents and I view the world very differently, and they have felt comfortable brushing off every political and ethical opinion I've ever held by dismissing it as me being young. I love them, but they act very poorly in this regard. If you ever heard of the stereotypical judgmental baby boomers, you've met my parents. ("Kids these days...", etc.)

Long story short, for most of my life, receiving cochlear implants wasn't realistic, for either financial reasons or pressure from parents. They obviously never attempted to look into it for me or my brother when we were young, which I resent them for. It was expensive, but I was finally at a point where I was able to obtain good insurance that covered it in my country. I hadn't seen my parents in over a year and a half, during which time I had the surgery done. I did not tell them about it, fearing a strong negative reaction, but not one even close to what I received.

Before coming home, I wrote them an email expressing what I had done and the reasons I had done it for. My parents didn't respond (I came just two hours after I sent the email.) When I got home, (wearing the implant, intentionally), they were furious. My mother cried and slapped me. I was there for all of twenty minutes, all of which was spent with them harassing me and treating my like I was a traitor. My brother wouldn't look at me at all. My father went into my childhood room and broke my old stuff in front of me. He tried ripping the implant off. I pushed him away, and then he physically picked me up and threw me out of the front door (My father is a strong tall man and I am a short petite woman and I'd be lying if this wasn't an extremely scary moment for me). I am not exaggerating when I say that he threw me; there is a bruise on my hip to prove it.

I left and received an email from them telling me we would no longer sustain contact. I have never had this type or level of fight with my parents (NEVER physical, ever) so I was ready not to speak to them for a time, but the "issue" lies in that they are completely dependent on me financially. Several years ago I became very lucky and achieved incredible success in an artistic field and I had more money than I knew what to do with, and I was able to let my parents (who are not money smart) retire without straining me. The reason they are still living in my childhood home is because of me. The reason they do not work is because of me. I am 99% sure they do not have money saved up. My father heavily implied in the email he sent that he expects a monthly check to keep coming in.

My parents are jerks and idiots, but I do not want them to become homeless because of their stupidity. Neither of them have any applicable skills and they will not obtain work that will allow them to meet the lifestyle they expect, and they will never downgrade this lifestyle as they believe they are entitled to it.

I think my parents are doing a terrible thing, BUT, in their defense, they are likely to be ostracized and shunned from the entirety of their peer group because of my decision. I understand it is easy to throw them under the bus, but please view this situation as if my family were in a cult; because that is truly how I do. (I won't deny that love and desire of approval is clouding my judgement, but I'm unsure as to how much.) Please advise me. I'm lost.

Edit: Left to walk my dog and I'm flooded with responses! I'm feeling a lot better after reading this. I kinda felt like the only normal person in crazytown, even though I knew on paper I didn't do anything wrong. This is helping me immensely; thank you!

tl;dr: My parents (and brother) decided to cut contact with me because of my decision to get my hearing fixed. They are 100% financially dependent on me and if I stop giving them money they will be screwed. I don't know how to handle this.

Pick posted:

Horses also, of course.

Like this is all pretty funny in retrospect but I think it's hard to explain how insane you become when you're trying to comfort and satisfy someone for whom absolutely no conventional social rules apply. Imagine you're someone who wants to make amends if it seems they've made someone upset, but since anything can make that person irrationally upset, and anything that someone would conventionally do to make up for it also makes them upset, you end up in this cycle of feeling like you're a bad person and can't escape.

Imagine you give someone a bottle of 16 year Lagavulin as an apology for getting huffy because they stood you up and they accept it, then a month later they tell you they don't want it and multiple times over the course of a year try to force you to take it back.

e: His social skills were so bad that several times I passed out from... I don't know, stress?

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

My [24 F] mother [55 F], father [59 M] and brother [28 M] have decided to cut contact with me because I chose to obtain bilateral cochlear implants. They are completely financially dependent on me.

Haifisch posted:

My[15F] moms[45F] food is down right disgusting, how can I break it to her?

This is so out there I almost think it's a passive-aggressive attempt to get dad to take over the cooking.

Or she's just got early dementia. Whichever.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

My [24 F] mother [55 F], father [59 M] and brother [28 M] have decided to cut contact with me because I chose to obtain bilateral cochlear implants. They are completely financially dependent on me.

NomChompsky posted:

Nope, I won't allow them to enjoy hearing. Any militant deafs that change their mind and get good ears are gonna get a fuckin' red hot chili peppers/maroon 5 mix tape from yours truly.

Suck on that, deafos.

NomChompsky posted:

I didn't know a lot of deaf people looked at deafness this way, but holy hell is that stupid as gently caress. What's my culture for having asthma? Do I get one? Is air for posers?

boner confessor posted:

i agree with you it's dumb but it's not a totally invalid perspective. no other common physical disability sets people apart like being deaf does