/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

He should murder himself tbh

# ? May 12, 2017 05:26

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# ? May 14, 2024 06:14

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

I have a lot of snipes recently

# ? May 12, 2017 05:26

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Blue Train posted:

Beoken glass and bloodstains do not a rape make

You should come over to the forensic files thread w/ me and Pick

# ? May 12, 2017 05:26

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Haifisch posted:

I wonder how many "I can't live in a murder house! " people you get in places where a non-trivial amount of houses are old enough that someone was probably murdered in them at some point.

Its a sizeable portion, and in China at least, can get you insane savings on a house or apartment.

I work with a person who made their family move because a neighbor in an adjoining town house died.

# ? May 12, 2017 05:28

Nessa: Dec 15, 2008

That's probably the exact reason that house was so cheap. People don't want to live in murder houses, so their value goes way down.

# ? May 12, 2017 05:40

Axolotl: Jan 23, 2002; Whatever

Blue Train posted:

Perhaps you all missed the vow to honor and serve. You cant rape a wife

Can you rape a husband?

# ? May 12, 2017 05:42

timefly: Apr 29, 2008

People are so superstitious. My brother and I plan to keep our childhood home forever, in fact we recently helped finish paying the mortgage, and our mom died on the living room floor. :ghost:

# ? May 12, 2017 05:42

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Nessa posted:

People don't want to live in murder houses, so their value goes way down.

I do, I want a cheap house that's already got it's murder out of the way.

# ? May 12, 2017 05:44

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Axolotl posted:

Can you rape a husband?

Depends on the state, but in many the answer is no. Well unless you arent married to the husband in question.

# ? May 12, 2017 05:52

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

timefly posted:

People are so superstitious. My brother and I plan to keep our childhood home forever, in fact we recently helped finish paying the mortgage, and our mom died on the living room floor.

I really want to buy my mom's house when she moves. Nobody ever died in it, but I certainly intend to!

# ? May 12, 2017 05:56

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

Just call an exorminator and have the ghost infestation dealt with. Geez there's no need to be a drama queen about it.

# ? May 12, 2017 06:12

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

I lived with a ghost for awhile. I also lived in a different house with people who thought there was a ghost, but it turned out it was just one of our stoner roommates who would sleepwalk and turn on lights and open all the kitchen cabinets looking for food.

# ? May 12, 2017 06:13

elise the great: May 1, 2012; You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

I live in Seattle so a murder house is probably the only way I could ever afford to own a home anyway

Also I am basically immune to ghosts now just from working on the ICU so long. If that place ain't haunted, ain't nobody haunted.

# ? May 12, 2017 06:15

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

blarzgh posted:

I lived with a ghost for awhile. I also lived in a different house with people who thought there was a ghost, but it turned out it was just one of our stoner roommates who would sleepwalk and turn on lights and open all the kitchen cabinets looking for food.

Was the first ghost you?

# ? May 12, 2017 06:23

Dead Reckoning: Sep 13, 2011

elise the great posted:

I live in Seattle so a murder house is probably the only way I could ever afford to own a home anyway

Also I am basically immune to ghosts now just from working on the ICU so long. If that place ain't haunted, ain't nobody haunted.

MRSA isn't a ghost, elise.

# ? May 12, 2017 06:25

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

NomChompsky posted:

Was the first ghost you?

No, it was really a ghost.

# ? May 12, 2017 06:26

Troposphere: Jul 11, 2005; psycho killer
qu'est-ce que c'est?

blarzgh posted:

No, it was really a ghost.

lmao

# ? May 12, 2017 06:28

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

blarzgh posted:

No, it was really a ghost.

*sits on a chair reverse style* You wanna talk about it?

# ? May 12, 2017 06:42

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

"1 - I am allowed to masturbate at work"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhMo4WlBmGM

quote:

Log in / Register

r/relationshipsBreakups

Me [27F] with my soon-to-be-ex-husband [27M] 2 years, Husband gave me a list and said either follow it or let's divorce

u/confused_wife

[UPDATE] for the full list check my husband's comment.

tl;dr: My husband gave me a list of rules he demand I comply to, and if I don't, we'll have a divorce. Is it normal that partners give each other non-negotiable lists after two years of marriage, in the favor of one partner only?

If you look back at my previous posts you'll see that in the past month alone, I've posted around 3 posts, each of them is a shocking incident me an my husband had.

People here has sometimes taken my side, and other-times they called me childish, passive or immature.

The truth is, I understand that putting myself out there and asking for advice has the risk of being rudely criticized, but I prefer that over living in my own bubble with my own thoughts and not grow at all.

I know I'm imperfect, I make mistakes, I'm controlling when I don't get enough attention from my significant other, it makes me feel unloved and out of control. I accept these mistakes about me, and my goal is to change the bad behavior, because I kind of gave up on understanding the root of my behavior. My father and mother didn't have a healthy relationship, so I have no idea how a healthy, mature relation should look like.

In my past three posts, every time I got the advice from Reddit to divorce, I knew I needed to push the relation further. But now I know I'm only harming myself and him by staying in this unhealthy, toxic relationship.

Today he has sent me a list of rules, and said I either follow these rules, or leave the relation. To me, this whole concept of putting non-negotiable, selfish rules is not accepted. Marriage is about communicating and compromising. And communicating in a loving language, not an aggressive monotonic language, which what this list was.

I told my husband I do not accept such a selfish list, and that I'm willing to compromise my life for this relationship, but I can't be the only one compromising. What's driving me crazy, is that he's saying that he compromises and that I don't!

To me, that's crazy because I've been adapting and changing to his new busy work schedule, and he would still get mad if I call him at 2AM in the morning and ask him where he is, he says it's none of my business where he is, and that I should trust him and have no doubts no matter what he does.

It's also crazy to me because he has put a list, and said you either take it or leave it, and that it has a very small room for negotiation. The list includes that I shall not call him at work at all, and if I do, he has the right to cancel my call and not take it. He also says that he has no working times, so he can for example be at work for 12+ hours a day. He also says that he can masturbate at work if he wanted to, or meet friends during work time (his work is flexible hours) or chat to strangers or do whatever he pleases, and that I shouldn't interrupt him during these working hours. To me, I don't understand what compromise is he talking about?

It's driving me crazy that he's talking about me calling him as something controlling, isn't any loving healthy couple call on each other to check how's it going a few times a day? Please correct me if I'm wrong.

It's also driving me crazy that he wants "work time" to be anything else that doesn't include work, and wants me not to have no business in that.

My only request of him is that we spend sometime together everyday without him saying "I'm busy and have lots of work to do".

I'm sorry if my post is long, the topic has lots of details and it's hard to write everything down. I'm also confused now and things aren't clear to me. But I'm hoping that, as always, Reddit will give me an outsider perspective that will make me understand something given all these details, and make better decisions.

What do you think about my husband's list of rules? He calls it selfish and he says it only considers his needs, and that if I don't comply then we'll divorce

husbando posted:

verdenhoff

•

4h

I'm her husband. And here is what I have exactly told her:

For this relationship to ever work, we have to first realize that the whole point of the relationship to be happier. I’m far away from being happy in this relationship and think that it’s currently very toxic, hence I’m currently thinking of leaving the relationship altogether. It has been more intense before, but my tolerance to mistrusting me has gone way below zero and now I can't keep on going any longer.

But at the same time, I know we have a lot of good things between us, which makes me think of telling you my perspective of how I think this relationship will ever work. My perspective will involve undoing lots of for granted rules and constraints, and it’s only talking about my side, it’s 100% selfish and aimed to my own happiness.

‘Why didn’t you call me?’ is not accepted as a question to ask since it puts me on the defensive explaining that I might have been busy or doing this or that, and I totally have no tolerance for such type of questions again, a better normal alternative is ‘Tell me what are you doing’ which shows care. The first bad question gets me to discuss work, which you have no interest in knowing about, so I get into the defensive then you shut me up. I have no tolerance for any question of this type ever again.

The idea that I have to call you regularly when I'm at work to prevent any trust related issues is unacceptable. We need to get used to the fact that calls are only for urgent matter or when we have an urge to talk to each other, it’s something we do voluntarily not something that I have to do because 2 hours have passed.

I will be very rarely dragged into the defensive because I’m faithful and know that I have no intention to cheat, I do mistakes as you do, I’m secure with my mistakes as it’s a normal part of my ingredients as a human, and won’t be allowing you to waste lots of time cornering me for something I have never thought about doing; I will be very careful for when you question my behavior or actions to put me on defensive.

I have nothing to be ashamed about doing, but I also have my freedom and my privacy. After lots of thought I have found that the idea of watching naked pictures together is very unacceptable and shows lots of control, I will still watch, but I will do this alone. Anything that puts my faithfulness in question will be dealt with in a very careful manner since my tolerance to being on the defensive and my tolerance to being always mistrusted in this relationship is over. I know you say that you trust me, but your actions show many issues in your trust in me.

I look around at girls and I don’t regret this, and I do it normally, sometimes because someone looks good or unusual, and sometimes because of the law of averages (50% females in the world), putting constraints and boundaries and saying things related to staring vs looking is unacceptable.

You have no access to my mobile phone, my laptop, my history, my location, or anything that makes you feel like you have any type of control over me. You can access them but after I permit you, not on your own. If you doubt that I’m cheating on you, then let’s continue on the divorce route.

I’m free to spend more time per day at work without having to explain how urgent is the work, I’m also free to come back home early, my freedom doesn’t intend to make you feel bad or unimportant, but it’s intended to make me feel in alignment with myself.

When we’re on a fight, give me space, give me time to heal and get back fresh, don’t call me! And if you called me and I canceled don’t call me again!! You can try calling me once. You didn’t get an answer or got your call canceled? Don’t call again. Let me calm down unless you want me to blow up.

I don’t ask for your attention and care as much as you ask for mine because I’m used to getting no attention whatsoever and I’m secure with this because I love myself. So I expect that you don’t create lots of unneeded drama based on me having to work excessively for a period of time. My career and responsibility entails that I work extra hours sometimes, and if I’m living in a happy relation, my partner would like to see my succeed and have ends meet, and motivate me instead of pulling me down in despair and depression because I always think that I’m failing on meeting her needs, and as a result I fail in having my work needs to be met as well. I turn into a complete failure because of such drama and misunderstanding.

I’m free to spend time talking to strangers/friends/family/coworkers/etc…, and you have no control over this whatsoever.

I’m someone who once saw this relation as an opportunity to be happier and share this happiness with my partner because my partner is a big reason for this happiness. At this time I’m far away from thinking this way. But once I start feeling happier and feel like I'm in a stable grown-up relation, I would enjoy spending time with you, I would do it without you even asking because it will be something I love doing.

‘Where are you?’, ‘What are you doing this late?’ and all of the similar mistrusting questions would have to be erased completely. If you don’t trust me let’s stay the way we are and end the relation as soon as possible. You can always ask me if I can come back home and I will respond normally.

You have to know that I love you, but my emotions are being dulled by the constant mistrust and moodiness in our relation, I think that our emotions will go over the top if we gave each other enough space, I think I give you yours well enough, it’s now your turn, or let's call it quits.

My wife has been putting rules and making every move I do a hassle to the point that I started losing interest in being home.

I've been living in constant mistrust for the full two years. It doesn't matter if I did what deserves her mistrust or not. She can so easily expect that I'm sleeping with some other girl because I'm late until 2 AM. EVEN WHEN WE'RE ON A FIGHT.

She doesn't give me the right to just calm down and stay quiet as a way to go over the anger issue I have.

I had an anger issue which I'm still working on, and that was my problem, she says that I'm now much calmer and have progressed.

She has trust issues, which I expected her to be working on as well, but I can't see any improvements.

She has suggested that we watch porn together. Which shows how much she has no sense of my own privacy.

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO fucked around with this message at 08:18 on May 12, 2017

# ? May 12, 2017 08:11

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

There's something loving weird about how that's written.

# ? May 12, 2017 08:41

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

It's just not right.

# ? May 12, 2017 08:44

Whorelord: May 1, 2013; Jump into the well...

Nessa posted:

That's probably the exact reason that house was so cheap. People don't want to live in murder houses, so their value goes way down.

i wonder what happened to the fritzl house

youd think the extension would add value to the place

# ? May 12, 2017 09:38

Brainworm: Mar 23, 2007; ...one of these--
As he hath spices of them all, not all,
For I dare so far free him--made him fear'd...; Nap Ghost

Pick posted:

There's something loving weird about how that's written.

English is the guy's second language. That's why his response is all about collocation problems and idiom abuse (like using "erased" when he means "forgotten" or "on a fight" instead of "in a fight").

You can get those from brain-damaged native speakers, but I'd bet a finger the guy's Arabic (since he also coordinates clauses that an English speaker would subordinate).

That said, language is like this couple's lowest barrier to communication.

# ? May 12, 2017 10:56

Bamabalacha: Sep 18, 2006; Outta my way, ya dumb rah-rah!

NomChompsky posted:

I really want to buy my mom's house when she moves. Nobody ever died in it, but I certainly intend to!

My mom and dad's house is about 125 years old and the contractors found two sets of dead baby bones under the porch when they ripped it up 😩👼🏻

# ? May 12, 2017 12:14

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

That guy is a real piece of poo poo but I'd go crazy too if my wife called me several times a day when I was at work and even more crazy if she redialed and redialed when I didn't or couldn't take her call.

# ? May 12, 2017 13:01

sixth and maimed: Mar 20, 2012; Fun Shoe

When we were remodelling my brother's home, we dug up three (almost) complete human skeletons and fragments of several more. We were told there used to be a Spanish soldier cemetery there. Several people from the neighbourhood even stopped by to ask if we had found anything yet. Once we dug up the first skull, it stopped being funny.

We buried them again beneath the new water cisterns. They must have liked that, because they didn't haunt the house afterwards.

# ? May 12, 2017 13:19

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

tactlessbastard posted:

That guy is a real piece of poo poo but I'd go crazy too if my wife called me several times a day when I was at work and even more crazy if she redialed and redialed when I didn't or couldn't take her call.

Same. It would be dump city.

# ? May 12, 2017 13:56

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

NomChompsky posted:

*sits on a chair reverse style* You wanna talk about it?

If you don't believe in that sort of thing, then stories about it won't change your mind. I actually don't generally believe other people's ghost stories. It's more like just a real nutty experience in my otherwise normal life.

# ? May 12, 2017 14:28

Minera: Sep 26, 2007; All your friends and foes,
they thought they knew ya,
but look who's in your heart now.

sixth and maimed posted:

When we were remodelling my brother's home, we dug up three (almost) complete human skeletons and fragments of several more. We were told there used to be a Spanish soldier cemetery there. Several people from the neighbourhood even stopped by to ask if we had found anything yet. Once we dug up the first skull, it stopped being funny.

We buried them again beneath the new water cisterns. They must have liked that, because they didn't haunt the house afterwards.

get a prenup before they start haunting you and try to get the house

# ? May 12, 2017 14:59

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

tactlessbastard posted:

That guy is a real piece of poo poo but I'd go crazy too if my wife called me several times a day when I was at work and even more crazy if she redialed and redialed when I didn't or couldn't take her call.

My boss's wife does this and it drives everyone crazy because if he doesn't take the call for whatever reason, she calls the main business line and demands to know where he is and throws a tantrum if we say we don't know. She does this like 5-10 times a day easily and every time he answers it's a fight so obviously he's not gonna pick up even if he isn't in a meeting or whatever.

# ? May 12, 2017 15:06

sixth and maimed: Mar 20, 2012; Fun Shoe

Minrad posted:

get a prenup before they start haunting you and try to get the house

It's my brother's house, so I'm cool however it turns out.

# ? May 12, 2017 15:45

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Yawgmoth posted:

My boss's wife does this and it drives everyone crazy because if he doesn't take the call for whatever reason, she calls the main business line and demands to know where he is and throws a tantrum if we say we don't know. She does this like 5-10 times a day easily and every time he answers it's a fight so obviously he's not gonna pick up even if he isn't in a meeting or whatever.

One guy I used to work with always shaded off to go talk to his wife on the phone for about an hour, 15 minutes or so into our coverage shift. It's like, mother fucker you were just at the house.

# ? May 12, 2017 15:55

Tato: Jun 19, 2001; DIRECTIVE 236: Promote pro-social values

quote:

I wish I could hold out just to see how long he can go without sex, but something about being near him, I just can't resist. I'll start kissing him, he'll kiss back until I start reaching down, and then he'll say "my dick smells", and say we can do it later. Later never comes.

lmao. what an amazing way to shut down sex. Does she get more or less horned up after he tells her?

# ? May 12, 2017 16:00

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Also WTF is wrong with someone who constantly has dick stank?

# ? May 12, 2017 16:06

Tato: Jun 19, 2001; DIRECTIVE 236: Promote pro-social values

Maybe his funky dick has now conditioned her to get horned up whenever she smells bad things. Walking by a dumpster and she suddenly wants to jump his bones

# ? May 12, 2017 16:10

Slugworth: Feb 18, 2001; If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!

therobit posted:

Also WTF is wrong with someone who constantly has dick stank?

No dick stank here, but I won't have sex if I have poo poo more recently than I have showered. Like, I have no reason to believe that I require this rule more than the average person, I just think we should all follow it.

This rule has gone right the gently caress out the window in moments of opportunity though, in fairness.

# ? May 12, 2017 16:36

Dunning Krugerrand: Dec 23, 2015; purestrain pyrite

E:FB Apparently search doesn't pull up quoted words. I'll find something to replace that.

Dunning Krugerrand fucked around with this message at 16:44 on May 12, 2017

# ? May 12, 2017 16:39

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

That was posted before, and somewhat recently, recently being relative considering how quickly this thread moves.

# ? May 12, 2017 16:40

Three Olives: Apr 10, 2005; Don't forget Hitler's contributions to medicine.

Turtlicious posted:

I didn't think I'd have to say this, but rape is wrong even if it's legal.

Like what if it is kind of rape-ish but the partner is OK with it. Like say they are super, super, super drunk. Under normal circumstances that would be rape but you know they are your wife and they want to have sex with you. Or say they fall asleep while you are having sex and you go ahead and finish, that would be rape if it was a date but say your spouse is like whatever, I work long hours, I know I might fall asleep, go ahead and keep loving me.

# ? May 12, 2017 16:45

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# ? May 14, 2024 06:14

SpaceClown: Feb 13, 2016; by FactsAreUseless

Three Olives posted:

Like what if it is kind of rape-ish but the partner is OK with it. Like say they are super, super, super drunk. Under normal circumstances that would be rape but you know they are your wife and they want to have sex with you. Or say they fall asleep while you are having sex and you go ahead and finish, that would be rape if it was a date but say your spouse is like whatever, I work long hours, I know I might fall asleep, go ahead and keep loving me.

3 olives strikes again :eyepop:

# ? May 12, 2017 16:47

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