May N/V: the long dark night is upon us

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > May N/V: the long dark night is upon us

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Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Jiminy Christmas! Shoes! posted:

When did "goat" change in the sports zeitgeist from person who hosed up to greatest of all time? This annoys me!

goat vs g.o.a.t.

fsif posted:

Imagine if Tom Brady has another MVP-caliber season and maybe wins the Super Bowl and Patriots fans could add �Tawm beat the Madden Curse!� to their repertoire.

what if

i told u

curses aren't real

(except being a texans fan which is a real curse)

# ? May 12, 2017 16:03

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# ? May 12, 2024 02:00

Hot Diggity!: Apr 3, 2010; SKELITON_BRINGING_U_ON.GIF

Tom Brady Is A Cheater

# ? May 12, 2017 16:05

Chromatic: Jan 21, 2005; You guys ready to hear a satanic song?

weird Asian candy posted:

RIP Tom. Or don't you arrogant mother fucker!

https://twitter.com/MySportsUpdate/status/863035998313345024

brady's gonna have cte so bad in his 60's that dead brain matter will fly out of his ears whenever he sneezes.

and he'll still throw for 4000/40/10 that year

# ? May 12, 2017 16:06

Spintzel: Dec 31, 2007; Distractions makes it better when ya take up the ENTIRE ROAD

Tom Brady deflates the balls in madden to up his stats

# ? May 12, 2017 16:06

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

They should release a football pressure slider for Madden. Is Belichick still swapped out for Chad Masterson or whatever as a coach?

# ? May 12, 2017 16:08

Happy Noodle Boy: Jul 3, 2002

I've never played Madden but can you do an excessive celebration and take the penalty? I feel like a good football game should have this option with DLC celebrations.

# ? May 12, 2017 16:08

FizFashizzle: Mar 30, 2005

end him

# ? May 12, 2017 16:09

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

What year did Madden have QB vision cones? Because I remember that was hilarious because everyone's was this tiny thing and even back then Brady's was just a gigantic half pie covering the screen.

# ? May 12, 2017 16:10

SKULL.GIF: Jan 20, 2017

weird Asian candy posted:

RIP Tom. Or don't you arrogant mother fucker!

https://twitter.com/MySportsUpdate/status/863035998313345024

Get used to seeing this posted in GDTs, guys.

# ? May 12, 2017 16:12

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

As good as any reason to repost this.

quote:

To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden �07

Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I�ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is loving bullshit and you should kiss my mother-loving rear end. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his rear end on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a loving 12. I rate you a loving 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever� except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery rear end a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom.

It�s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly poo poo and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. gently caress, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod �He Hate Me� Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your rear end. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of poo poo teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?

I guess I just can�t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. gently caress, man, there are some lovely guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.

I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don�t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he�d look just like Jabba the Hut.

John, you are such a loving dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a loving zero? So you feel that I shouldn�t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn�t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my loving face. gently caress that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a � 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.

Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). gently caress me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let�s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I�m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.

I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my rear end. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I�m a loving lineman, drat it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-rear end fuckwad that can�t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.

gently caress you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you gently caress with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.

Rot in Hell,

Ethan Albright

Kalli posted:

What year did Madden have QB vision cones? Because I remember that was hilarious because everyone's was this tiny thing and even back then Brady's was just a gigantic half pie covering the screen.

# ? May 12, 2017 16:13

FizFashizzle: Mar 30, 2005

Kalli posted:

What year did Madden have QB vision cones? Because I remember that was hilarious because everyone's was this tiny thing and even back then Brady's was just a gigantic half pie covering the screen.

Peyton and Brady's didn't have to move.

Vick and Delhomme's were basically non existent.

# ? May 12, 2017 16:14

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

Amy Pole Her posted:

See? He does this

He's honestly awesome. I hate it

LOL what a dumb thing to post

# ? May 12, 2017 16:18

RG3 2.0: May 11, 2017; by Smythe

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

I've never played Madden but can you do an excessive celebration and take the penalty? I feel like a good football game should have this option with DLC celebrations.

What the gently caress.....

# ? May 12, 2017 16:19

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Kalli posted:

What year did Madden have QB vision cones? Because I remember that was hilarious because everyone's was this tiny thing and even back then Brady's was just a gigantic half pie covering the screen.

I hated that version so much

Jiminy Christmas! Shoes! posted:

As good as any reason to repost this.

I love how it constantly refers to "John" as if Madden himself were creating these games

# ? May 12, 2017 16:21

Gatts: Jan 2, 2001; Goodnight Moon; Nap Ghost

weird Asian candy posted:

RIP Tom. Or don't you arrogant mother fucker!

https://twitter.com/MySportsUpdate/status/863035998313345024

If Brady gets through and wins the Super Bowl I'm pretty sure he is the GOAT indisputable and really supernatural and I hope it does it. I knew he and Bill were like "This poo poo is too easy. How do we make it harder? gently caress everything."

gently caress it. 2018 I'm a Patriots rooter.

# ? May 12, 2017 16:25

RG3 2.0: May 11, 2017; by Smythe

Look all I'm gonna say is the AFC East has been pure dog poo poo for a decade and the Patriots have def benefited off it.

You can't argue about them in the post season though.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ? May 12, 2017 16:30

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

06 was a very good game that babbies cried about because they couldn't scramble and throw across field with pin point accuracy anymore

Jiminy Christmas! Shoes! posted:

As good as any reason to repost this.

That is beautiful

# ? May 12, 2017 16:39

Michael Corleone: Mar 30, 2011; by VideoGames

RG3 2.0 posted:

What the gently caress.....

I used to late hit the QB all the time in MUT hoping to injure him, be cool if I could do a DLC dance afterwards.

# ? May 12, 2017 16:45

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

You should be able to celebrate like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VISEvr3c0wg

# ? May 12, 2017 16:46

pubic works project: Jan 28, 2005; No Decepticon in history, and I say this with great surety, has been treated worse or more unfairly.

weird Asian candy posted:

RIP Tom. Or don't you arrogant mother fucker!

https://twitter.com/MySportsUpdate/status/863035998313345024

I can't wait to see him die on the field now. The Reaper will not be mocked.

# ? May 12, 2017 16:57

Sataere: Jul 20, 2005; Step 1: Start fight
Step 2: Attack straw man
Step 3: REPEAT

Do not engage with me

Jiminy Christmas! Shoes! posted:

As good as any reason to repost this.

I have never seen this and it is wonderful. Did he actually write that or is it an Onion type thing?

# ? May 12, 2017 16:58

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

RG3 2.0 posted:

Look all I'm gonna say is the AFC East has been pure dog poo poo for a decade and the Patriots have def benefited off it.

You can't argue about them in the post season though.

Hello new poster rg3 2.0 what are your thoughts on burritos especially the artisanal kind

# ? May 12, 2017 16:59

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Jiminy Christmas! Shoes! posted:

You should be able to celebrate like this.

Classic clownball.

# ? May 12, 2017 17:02

Dubious: Mar 7, 2006; The Heroes the Vikings Deserve; Lipstick Apathy

Metapod posted:

Hello new poster rg3 2.0 what are your thoughts on burritos especially the artisanal kind

hosed up if true

# ? May 12, 2017 17:13

Diqnol: May 10, 2010

fsif posted:

Madden curse, all of your training has led up to this moment.

# ? May 12, 2017 17:21

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

M-m-m-mama mia!

https://twitter.com/WhitlockJason/status/863047175793631233

# ? May 12, 2017 17:36

whypick1: Dec 18, 2009; Just another jackass on the Internet

My eyes are literally on fire from reading that hot take.

# ? May 12, 2017 17:37

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

race hustlers

Mods, please change my name.

# ? May 12, 2017 17:41

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

Kalli posted:

M-m-m-mama mia!

https://twitter.com/WhitlockJason/status/863047175793631233

For a bit more context:
https://twitter.com/ProFootballTalk/status/863044150995947524
https://twitter.com/ProFootballTalk/status/863046673240649728

But holy poo poo I think that'll get Take of the Week from Awful Annou-

Wait, Whitlock has been DQed from it?

:argh:

# ? May 12, 2017 17:41

the mean lunch lady: Jun 24, 2009; went mad at sea
lots were drawn
Kroenke didn't survive
he was delicious

Didn't Calvin Johnson beat out the Madden curse too?

Kalli posted:

M-m-m-mama mia!

https://twitter.com/WhitlockJason/status/863047175793631233

God I hate him so much

Metapod posted:

06 was a very good game that babbies cried about because they couldn't scramble and throw across field with pin point accuracy anymore

it owned making a monster TE or whatever they called it and just wrecking people blocking and still getting like 50 touchdowns

# ? May 12, 2017 17:49

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

the mean lunch lady posted:

Didn't Calvin Johnson beat out the Madden curse too?

No. He was still on the Lions.

# ? May 12, 2017 17:53

the mean lunch lady: Jun 24, 2009; went mad at sea
lots were drawn
Kroenke didn't survive
he was delicious

Jiminy Christmas! Shoes! posted:

No. He was still on the Lions.

drat

# ? May 12, 2017 17:53

RG3 2.0: May 11, 2017; by Smythe

Metapod posted:

Hello new poster rg3 2.0 what are your thoughts on burritos especially the artisanal kind

Because of certain circumstances I can not engage with you young pod. I apologize.

I hope you'r schooling goes well and go Titans!

# ? May 12, 2017 17:54

Gatts: Jan 2, 2001; Goodnight Moon; Nap Ghost

Jiminy Christmas! Shoes! posted:

No. He was still on the Lions.

Hahaha that was precisely my thought too. He retired.

It makes me think maybe Brady himself is too strong for the Reaper so the strike will be against the team or circumstances.

# ? May 12, 2017 17:56

mastershakeman: Oct 28, 2008; by vyelkin

quote:

A white Maserati owned by Chicago Bears receiver Kevin White got nabbed from his girlfriend in Chicago's latest "bump-and-run" carjacking in the West Loop.

I saw the initial headline and knew white couldn't be directly involved in anything regarding running

# ? May 12, 2017 17:58

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

Gatts posted:

Hahaha that was precisely my thought too. He retired.

It makes me think maybe Brady himself is too strong for the Reaper so the strike will be against the team or circumstances.

Gronk was on the cover last year, and despite getting injured still won a Super Bowl. So I guess if Jimmy G leads New England to another title I'll settle for that.

# ? May 12, 2017 18:05

Athanatos: Jun 7, 2006; Est. 1967

RG3 2.0 posted:

Because of certain circumstances I can not engage with you young pod. I apologize.

I hope you'r schooling goes well and go Titans!

Since I'm not sure you read the probation/ban reasons, I am going to tell you here: Avoiding a probation with an alt account is a bannable. Feel free to reup your account after your remaining 28 days have passed, then you can continue to post in TFF anywhere but the Chat Thread.

# ? May 12, 2017 18:21