- dudeness
- Mar 5, 2010
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 Cat Army
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Fallen Rib
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not from /r/relationships but close enough I guess (it's from /r/legaladvice)
Mom put restraining order on kids against my dad
Spanish blood and evil powers are good traits apparently.
and now for something in a lighter contrast
My [20 F] boyfriend [20 M] of 1 year is obsessed with a porn star.
quote:So this really weird for me. I could understand if my boyfriend was fascinated with a female porn star, but instead he is obsessed with a male porn star that he likes to call "Two Tone Malone?". For those that don't know, he's a male porn star where there's an obvious distinction in color between his shaft and his head.
I don't think I'm being homophobic, but it bothers when he mentions how he wishes his dick was as big and multi-colored as the male porn star's is. I mean we all have our own insecurities (I want stuff such as a firmer butt or tighter stomach), but he is literally obsessed with this guy. He goes around telling not only me, but also his friends about how he only watches porn with him in it now (and he's not lying, I've seen his collection), and I'm pretty sure his friends are also weirded out by it.
Normally I would think this is just a phase and he'll get over it and forget about this guy. After all, I'm sure we've all had celebrity crushes that we no longer care about. However, as of right now, he's actually considering circumcision purely for cosmetic reasons because he finds it really hot when "Two-Tone initially sticks his paler part of his dick in for a while to tease the girl, then shoves in the darker shaft".
I understand that it's his body and he can do whatever he wants, but I don't think he should go through with an unnecessary procedure with all of the risks involved. I personally don't have a preference between cut and uncut (I've been with both), but I also don't want to deal with him bringing his fetish of a two-tone dick into the bedroom. He actually had me say things like "don't stick the dark part in yet, it's too big".
Is there anything I can say to help him forget about this fetish and more importantly, the circumcision? I've already told him how I liked his dick just the way it is and how I don't think Two-Tone is that attractive. (I really don't, his face is kind of weird imo, but I guess guys don't care about that.
tl;dr: Boyfriend developed a fetish and is considering circumcision because of a certain male pornstar.
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May 16, 2017 07:58
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 14, 2024 13:58
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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porn makin y'all into sex weirds ruining your lives
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May 16, 2017 08:02
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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porn makin y'all into sex weirds ruining your lives
Porn mans only make what they can sell. Sex weirds are ruining porn.
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May 16, 2017 09:45
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- putrid aidsman
- Apr 13, 2017
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by Lowtax
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quote:My [23F] roommate [25F] gives me weird birthday presents, how do I reject her kindly?
Last year was a framed picture of her cat, a book on how to make craft projects using cat fur, since I "like crafting", and a small container of cat fur. She wants me to use the cat fur to make her something from the book.
I can deal with weird one-off gifts, but now she keeps pestering me to ask if it's done. Then saying "I thought you were really passionate about your craft projects" when I say I'm not interested in making it. I tried telling her it's kind of weird, but she seems blind to believing it. I was also disappointed she gave me something only to make something for her, but I don't know how to say this without sounding ungrateful. And this was the first "personal" gift from her to me. She's previously given me similar gifts where she gets something out of it, like a game she likes so we can play it together, a juicer we can share in the house (she drinks juice I don't). To make matters worst, for these more expensive gifts, she'll get friends of mine to chip in, so she won't have to buy them for herself.
Normally I would distance myself slowly from such friends, but my current living situation means I will see more of her in the future. So I would like to establish that this doesn't sit well with me, in a kind manner.
Tl;dr Friend gave me cat fur as a present, how to I turn down keeping it/using it in my "craft projects".
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May 16, 2017 12:01
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- 54 40 or fuck
- Jan 4, 2012
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No Yanda's allowed
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I'm now convinced porn is bad and should be illegal
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May 16, 2017 13:52
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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It's so weird it's a snob thing.
This is going to sound crazy, but I (25/f) suspect my neighbor (30-40s/m) is up to some really bad things.
Maybe they're renovating? Some types of mold and asbestos, or even just drywall can require a mask.
But yeah, probably a meth lab. I wouldn't have called attention to myself, now he'll know who narced.
(And yes you should narc... that poo poo will explode.)
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May 16, 2017 14:26
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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Reads like a red pill honey pot, but I like the indecision in the title
Im a 30 yr old male, should i break up with my 28 gf who is 100k in debt and doesnt pay back her loans at all but also doesnt save money? Relationships
quote:submitted 3 years ago * by Jellostylz
we have been dating for 3 years and I found out two years ago she has 100k in debt. she has been putting off paying her school loans since she graduated and also has some credit card debt. I usually pay for everything though she does pay 1/3 of the mortgage. she does get mad when we split the grocies for the house. Her parents still pay for her car though they don't make enough to stay above water. she told me that I would have to pay for the wedding since she is in so much debt she cant take out a loan. Also wants a 6k dollar engagement ring. I said I will try my hardest and has gotten upset that I said the engagement ring might not be 6k. I also pay for all of our Vacations to beach resorts every April. I don't like when she spends money on me but still buys shoes n clothes. She is always yelling at me because i do not pay enough attention to her but im tired from work. i have also gained 40 pounds from the stress of working towards paying for our better life. Am i making the right choice?
TL;DR: would you marry a girl 100k in school loan debt that hasn't paid towards it since she graduated who is 28 and who doesn't really appreciate how hard you work to make a better life for our potential family?
"Should I drop this beehive full of africanized bees that I am currently holding with my bare hands? Also the beehive and the bees are on fire??? Should I let this beautiful hive go, reddit?????"
Looking at his posting history makes me laugh even harder, if it is a MRA false flag it is a deep cover one:
Me [30M/]broke up with my __x _ [28F] of four years, in June and she moved out in july Breakups
quote:submitted 3 years ago by Jellostylz
I really thought she was the one. I wanted to give this girl a better life. she is a Russian American from a low income family and I wanted to give her the life she deserved.
we dated for 4 years and bought a house together 2 years in and got a dog that we treated like our son. I was the only one on the mortgage because she owes over 100k in school loans so it wouldn't only hurt if she was on it.
she was always yelling and had bad anger issues but I still loved her even because of it. I worked so hard to get a job that would help us pay for the wedding ourselves (parents don't have a penny really) and still have a nice house, I was even gonna help pay off her school loans. I worked so hard and was so stressed I put on 30 pounds from it.
I let her know I needed a break because of the fighting and her crying. I helped pay for stuff for her new apt and even moved her in. I wanted to her to see how great I was to her and how she should not be so angry because we have a great life.
fast forwarded to August I find out that she is now dating her co worker who is 33 and I ask for her to get the rest of her stuff out of my house. she tells me she was not happy for the last year and I'm her past, he is her future. even though i made her smile everyday, took her on lagish vacations and took her out as much as i could. they are now in a relationship after She moved out three months ago.
after 4 years and starting a life together how can someone fall for their co worker so fast and how do I forget her? I see pics of them and she looks so happy it makes me physically ill.
time heals all wounds but this one hurts the most.
tl;dr: Summarize with a tldr!
"Reddit, I put the flaming beehive down and got away with my face mostly uncharred, but now someone else has picked it up and now I'm sad."
And then the conclusion, sans text because this moron can't even provide content for us. The beehive was right
It's been five months and I want to send a letter to my xgf but she has a bf
"...Imma try to gently caress that beehive again reddit."
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May 16, 2017 14:39
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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I wish I knew how to type imprisoned by the good pussy in russian
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May 16, 2017 15:06
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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Reads like a red pill honey pot, but I like the indecision in the title
Im a 30 yr old male, should i break up with my 28 gf who is 100k in debt and doesnt pay back her loans at all but also doesnt save money? Relationships
"Should I drop this beehive full of africanized bees that I am currently holding with my bare hands? Also the beehive and the bees are on fire??? Should I let this beautiful hive go, reddit?????"
Looking at his posting history makes me laugh even harder, if it is a MRA false flag it is a deep cover one:
Me [30M/]broke up with my __x _ [28F] of four years, in June and she moved out in july Breakups
"Reddit, I put the flaming beehive down and got away with my face mostly uncharred, but now someone else has picked it up and now I'm sad."
And then the conclusion, sans text because this moron can't even provide content for us. The beehive was right
It's been five months and I want to send a letter to my xgf but she has a bf
"...Imma try to gently caress that beehive again reddit."
The writing is so poor that I have a hard time believing this pesson makes enough money to keep a house and an expensive girlfriend and also buy "lagish vacations." It could totally be phoneposting but something seems off about how it is written.
Lol@ the one about the kid who doesn't think it's a big deal that his dad molested his sister. His mom has the evil power of having a spine and the will to protect her children. I am getting a very backwoods hillbilly vibe of that one. Maybe he is upset because his mom IS the sister who got molested.
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May 16, 2017 15:13
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- Buzkashi
- Feb 4, 2003
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College Slice
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I wish I knew how to type imprisoned by the good pussy in russian
Хорошая киска посадит тебя в тюрьму
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May 16, 2017 15:24
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Mom put restraining order on kids against my dad
What is the sound of one dad posting?
Assuming it is the brother, his mom showed a lot of restraint not just bashing his head upon a rock for siding with a sexual abuser of his family.
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May 16, 2017 15:25
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- new phone who dis
- May 24, 2007
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by VideoGames
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Morbid Hound
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Two Tone Malone LMFAO.
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May 16, 2017 16:29
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Хорошая киска посадит тебя в тюрьму
I love this dead forum.
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May 16, 2017 16:31
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- new phone who dis
- May 24, 2007
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by VideoGames
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Morbid Hound
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Help me Reddit my boyfriend is obsessed with a quartet of singing porn stars with dicks tattooed like barber poles! Should I start taking singing lessons?
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May 16, 2017 16:34
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- dudeness
- Mar 5, 2010
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Cat Army
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Fallen Rib
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Wait, You Want Me To Eat WHAT?
quote:I'm a 19 y/o girl, and I've been unofficially dating a 20 y/o guy for about three months. And he's got a strange fetish. Ever heard of vorarephilia / voraphilia? Please, Google at your own risk.
For a little back story, we've known each other about three years and have been together on and off again throughout. He's the sweetest guy I've ever met, and god knows he'd do anything for me.
Before we ever got together, I had a strong sexual attraction to him, most likely because he was someone I couldn't have. You see, I had a boyfriend. But he was abusive, emotionally and physically. Eventually, I broke up with my boyfriend at the time to be with him, and it was great for a while. But mistakes were made and we parted ways for another year and a half. In this time, I went back to abusive ex (long story), the man let it be known that he still had strong feeling for me, and basically stated he didn't want anyone else. We developed a sort of pseudo-relationship, where he'd do all the things a boyfriend would. He'd send me flowers, hold me, take me on dates... But I wasn't ready for an actual relationship, and he accepted that, stating he'd be waiting for when I was able to get over the abusive ex.
And here we are now. We're very open with each other and often discuss our fantasies. And here's where the trouble starts. A few weeks ago, he reluctantly told me his fantasy of vore. In a nutshell, it's where you swallow a person whole while partaking in sex. Now, before you let your mind jump to zombies, he's not into "hard vore" with tearing and chewing. No, he likes what you call "soft vore", where the participants are (usually) willing. Since this is impossible to perform in reality, he assured me it was just something he liked to fantasize about and had no intentions of trying it.
I thought, okay, I can deal with this. Until I coaxed more information out of him, that is. I like to please, so I asked him if there were any other things he liked that we could actually partake in. Nope. Just vore.
And that's when I found out he "wouldn't mind" me swallowing foreign objects. And no, not a marble. Think of those travel sized shampoo bottles. He'd greatly enjoy it if I were to swallow one whole, and watch it go down my throat. I also found out that on occasion, he's lodged foreign objects into his anus to get off. Now I understand butt play, but to him, it's the thought of something you cannot digest INSIDE of him.
I don't understand, Reddit. I'm not sure if this is something I can get over. I can't help but wonder if he's imagining himself sliding down my throat while he watches me eat dinner. Horrible, but true.
Up until now, I've been preparing myself to fully commit to him. The thing is, I no longer find him sexually appealing. I don't know if it was the fetish that killed it or what, but it's gone. What do you think, Reddit? Should I go for it anyway and hope for the best? Run for the hills?
I'm not sure I want to end up in ICU with a spoon lodged down my throat.
TL;DR My boyfriend has a fetish for swallowing (or watching someone else swalow) objects that cannot be digested. Like people. All sexual desire is gone and I'm not sure what to think of this. Help?
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May 16, 2017 16:59
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- Yawgmoth
- Sep 10, 2003
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This post is cursed!
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a quartet of singing porn stars with dicks tattooed like barber poles
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May 16, 2017 17:08
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- chitoryu12
- Apr 24, 2014
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Also wants a 6k dollar engagement ring. I said I will try my hardest and has gotten upset that I said the engagement ring might not be 6k.
Holy poo poo.
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May 16, 2017 17:09
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- Gloryhold It!
- Sep 22, 2008
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Fucking
Adorable
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Help me Reddit my boyfriend is obsessed with a quartet of singing porn stars with dicks tattooed like barber poles! Should I start taking singing lessons?
Link to vid please
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May 16, 2017 17:12
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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How much are engagement rings usually?
I've always viewed weddings as kind of dumb and would rather get married in a courthouse and spend 5-6k on a really nice honeymoon so I don't know much about how expensive of a blood diamond I should prove my love with.
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May 16, 2017 17:19
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- Eleeleth
- Jun 21, 2009
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Damn, that is one suave eel.
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How much are engagement rings usually?
I've always viewed weddings as kind of dumb and would rather get married in a courthouse and spend 5-6k on a really nice honeymoon so I don't know much about how expensive of a blood diamond I should prove my love with.
Let me tell you the good word about moissanite, friend.
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May 16, 2017 17:26
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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It depends on what you value. There's a wide price range. Pro tip, use an heirloom ring like I did and pay nothing 
I thought there was some heuristic like X% of salary?
Heirloom probably wouldn't work since my ancestors were Polish and Italian.
My grandpa got an orange for Christmas, and he was very exited about it.
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May 16, 2017 17:33
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- Dunning Krugerrand
- Dec 23, 2015
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purestrain pyrite
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It's just a prank, bruh!
My BIL [27M] played a horrible prank on my husband [31M] who spent the night in jail
quote:My husband, BIL, and I went to the beach this past weekend. We got a hotel room. My husband got way too drunk so I walked my husband to the hotel at 9:30PM. BIL is still at the bar.
At 10:30PM I texted my BIL that I am going home to sleep and I will pick them up in the morning. I went home and went to sleep around 1AM
I wake up at 4AM to 25 missed calls. 10 are from my BIL who has also left 2 voicemails just frothing at the mouth at what a "loving bitch" I am and how I ruined everything and how I'm dead to him now and to never contact him again.
15 calls are from the police. My husband has been arrested for public intoxication. He had an altercation with his brother in the hotel.
The arresting officer said that there were reports I had been kidnapped, raped, and murdered so he was checking to make sure I was alive
I assured the officer that I was fine and safe at home. That morning I started the long & embarrassing process of bailing my husband out of jail.
I finally get to see/talk to my husband around noon and find out what happened:
My husband went to sleep around 11:30PM
Around 1AM, my BIL barges into the hotel room SCREAMING about how he had been robbed by a man with a gun
BIL also starts screaming to my husband that I had been kidnapped by the man with the gun and that I was getting raped and murdered, in fact I was probably already dead by then
My husband flips out. He looks for his phone. BIL holds him back and is still screaming about how I am kidnapped/raped/dead.
My husband punches BIL in the face and goes screaming through the halls "call the police". BIL leaves and drives the 4 hours back home, texting us vitriol along the way.
The police arrive and arrest my husband for public intoxication. My husband tells them he is terrified I have been kidnapped.
BIL drives home, calls me at least 10 times and leaves me 2 voicemails calling me a "loving bitch" who "ruined everything" and how I am "dead" to him. He also texts both my husband and I about he's going to murder us. I have 15 texts from him just going apeshit.
That afternoon BIL starts texting me asking if we are alive. I ignore them
BIL keeps calling me. I finally pick up and tell him that we are alive, I am not raped and murdered, and to never contact me again. He sounds guilty as hell on the phone.
The fallout from that night:
I was treated like garbage (I barely know BIL and have always tried to be polite to him) and spent several hours at the county jail worried about my husband which was not fun
My husband is really traumatized from his night in jail. He spent several hours (until the officers got in contact with me) thinking I was kidnapped or dead.
My BIL sent me a text saying "srry for the threats i got a little heated" and wants me to forgive him. He also maintains that:
a) he really was robbed at gunpoint
b) he "doesn't remember" saying that I was kidnapped/raped/murdered
I am just completely livid. BIL's lying. He knows he did a sadistic, unforgivable thing and he's lying about it!
In one of his vitriolic texts around 5AM he talks about how he "apparently" lost his credit card and ran out of gas (and it was all my fault). No mention of his wallet getting stolen at gunpoint.
The hotel room was on the 5th floor with one sloooow elevator. There is no way he would be so amped to burst into the hotel room hysterical and jump on a sleeping person and make something up about me being raped/murdered.
How was he was "too drunk" to not remember saying I was raped/murdered but perfectly able to make the 4 hour drive home?
He is not filing a police report for being robbed at gunpoint because "it won't do any good"
My husband is having a very hard time digesting what happened. My in-laws are eating up the poo poo BIL is saying and want me to "forgive & forget" ASAP.
I don't want that sociopath in my life.
I don't know what to do. My husband is having a very hard time processing what happened. He really, really wants to believe my BIL was actually robbed- I can tell it is really painful for my husband to really grasp what happened.
What should my next steps be? How can I support my husband through the painful realization that his brother is a sociopath? Am I overreacting to refuse to be anywhere near that creep? How should I handle my in-laws who want me to just suck it up and take it?
tl;dr: My BIL lied and told my husband that I was kidnapped and raped and murdered. Husband was arrested as a result of his lies. BIL is still not taking any responsibility for what he did. I want to scorch the earth and salt it so nothing grows again. Husband struggling.
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May 16, 2017 17:34
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I thought there was some heuristic like X% of salary?
Heirloom probably wouldn't work since my ancestors were Polish and Italian.
My grandpa got an orange for Christmas, and he was very exited about it.
3 months' salary, supposedly.
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May 16, 2017 17:37
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- the bitcoin of weed
- Nov 1, 2014
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It's just a prank, bruh!
My BIL [27M] played a horrible prank on my husband [31M] who spent the night in jail
I looked for the prank and instead read a story about an rear end in a top hat having a psychotic break and his family telling the victims to ignore it and forgive him
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May 16, 2017 17:39
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- im cute
- Sep 21, 2009
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Our [16M&17M] mother just hung up the phone when we told her about the party we threw and our siblings rooms. We don't know what to do
Can't believe dead people can post to reddit now.
You know what happens when you desTROY? a VALUABLE and SENTIMENTAL POSTER?
*crowds gettin worked up, im holdin my pen at the ready, kids r shaking their heads and beggin me*
YOU JUST MADE THE LIST
*huge pop, kids look on in horror as i add these stupid idiots to the List*
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May 16, 2017 17:55
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Last time I checked, people spend about 6 grand on wedding rings on average. Well for women. Mens rings are like a few hundred usually. To point out, they arent really a capped good in price so people who drop 20k drag this up, as well as the people who respond to surveys about wedding planning typically have way more money than those that dont.
A wedding ring is also typically the most researched thing an American will purchase, more than their car or house. Let that depress you.
It's just a prank, bruh!
My BIL [27M] played a horrible prank on my husband [31M] who spent the night in jail
You know whats a really funny prank? Using his phone calls and messages confirmation he knowingly filed a false police report.
If that wont work just SWAT him and have the police kill him for you.
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May 16, 2017 17:57
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Your wedding ring should be about you; I have some lion teeth ready to go if I ever get married, I'd like the enamel to be inlaid.
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May 16, 2017 18:06
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 14, 2024 13:58
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- blarzgh
- Apr 14, 2009
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SNITCHIN' RANDY
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Grimey Drawer
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How much are engagement rings usually?
I've always viewed weddings as kind of dumb and would rather get married in a courthouse and spend 5-6k on a really nice honeymoon so I don't know much about how expensive of a blood diamond I should prove my love with.
Just find out, either directly or indirectly, exactly what she wants and get her that. If what she wants is, "A ring that you spent at least $X,XXX.xx" then she's probably not worth $X,XXX.xx.
Edit: Also, its a pro move to get a stone thats juuuuuuusst a little bit bigger/better than her closest friend/sibling's.
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May 16, 2017 18:11
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May 16, 2017 07:58
Tater Love 
