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Groovelord Neato posted:no he used our forums usernames. my parents did not name me Grooverlord nor is our surname Neato. that is somewhat disappointing.
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May 18, 2017 00:36
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| # ? May 10, 2024 13:34 |
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i concur.
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May 18, 2017 00:38
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someone should make a fake lowtax okc profile
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May 18, 2017 02:31
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maskenfreiheit posted:someone should make a fake lowtax okc profile I'm sure Lowtax has made enough enemies that at least one of them has done this.
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May 18, 2017 02:34
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someone dug up assange's okcupid profile once http://mashable.com/2010/12/13/julian-assange-okcupid/
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May 18, 2017 02:49
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That's a pretty good awful date. Though you probably should have just done the Fear and Loathing thing and gone robotripping with a bunch of black people while watching American History X and then had sex that would fill you with regret and/or herpes for the rest of your life. You'd be able to stretch out that one night to fill an entire chapter of your memoirs.
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May 18, 2017 02:53
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I once went on my a date with my fiance to some chicken strips place that opened up, and they apparently gotten a hang of how to work the deep fry machines as the chicken strips, fries, and cheese sticks all came out blackened. When they brought the food to our table I asked if they could make them again as everything was toast. The waitress lady said that's just how the come out.. My fiance figured what the hell... Bit a cheese stick and was promptly burned by Molton oil that filled the charcoal cavity. We ended up getting a refund. They went out of business a few months later.
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May 18, 2017 17:51
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Blazing Ownager posted:I went out on a completely blind date with someone I met on the internet when I first moved to LA. Yes, red flags should already be raising. I also went there by bus, not realizing the bus route shut down the moment I got there. Things went downhill from there. Was this in the mid nineties? This sound like it happened in the mid nineties, Are you a time lord?
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May 18, 2017 21:23
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Applesnots posted:Was this in the mid nineties? This sound like it happened in the mid nineties, Are you a time lord? Honestly, that sounds like a pretty fun party.
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May 19, 2017 01:17
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When I was in 6th grade a girl I liked asked me to go roller skating on a Friday night. I was so excited, but I was used to rollerblades and my mom only gave me enough money to rent quads. I got my skates and was wobbling around like an amateur. The girl went a couple laps around with me and then left me all alone to skate to that MC Hammer song about the Addams Family all by myself.
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May 19, 2017 04:57
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:Be like every other decent single parent in existence and say "Hey, how about we go to your place?" This isn't rocket surgery, folks. Yeah, kids should only have to hear their mom and dad banging. Instead they have to hear getting railed by some chad, that poo poo is sick.
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May 19, 2017 06:11
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titties posted:Yeah, kids should only have to hear their mom and dad banging. Instead they have to hear getting railed by some chad, that poo poo is sick. "Your Awful Childhood"
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May 19, 2017 16:36
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I dated this girl in high school when I 16 and I was ultra hype because this my first ever GF but of course my mom has to drive us around because I had a restricted license and couldn't have anybody under 21 in the car with me. Anyway my mom does me a solid and puts a bunch of groceries in the front seat so that me and my GF have to sit in the back seat (with of course my mom doing the whole "sly wink" bit). We get dropped off to the local bowling alley because that's what you do when you're 16. We slip off and make out in the back of the alley which was pretty awesome. We have several other dates like this and all is going well. Summer rolls around and one of my friends invites me and my GF over to his parent's house to go out on the lake to wakeboard and water ski. Well my GF's brother gets invited over there as well and for some reason she is SUPER cold towards him and it kind of kills the whole vibe. We get to talking afterwards and apparently she had been sexually abused by her brother on the reg which was horrifying because he was one of the most popular guys in school and nobody would expect that. I try handling that as best I could to salvage the rest of the day but that was always an undercurrent the rest of the time we were together. Really lovely situation for her, but after meeting her parents I kind of saw the whole picture. She invites me over to her parents house later on in the summer and as soon as I step in the house her dad is all over me asking who the gently caress I am. Apparently my GF was supposed to have one of her friends over there to "chaperone" us and make sure that we would do anything. Evidently this is the catalyst for an argument to break out which culminates with "MY BROTHER RAPED ME LAST SUMMER" getting yelled in the middle of the house. So here I sit as a shell shocked 16 year old with the roof crashing down trying to figure out what to do. Eventually her dad comes up to me and is like "look, I'm sure you're an alright kid, but you need to leave, this is getting out of hand". Story doesn't end there though. My GF kept calling me in the middle of the night to sneak her out of the house and eventually I had to have a conversation where I was like "look, this isn't a good idea, we can't be doing this kind of thing", which prompted her to break up with me. It loving sucked, but at this point the game was getting too hot for me. Fast forward 4 weeks later and she's pregnant with the kid of a 21 year old that worked with her at Taco Bell. I later learned that she basically did that to get back at her parents for not doing anything about her brother. This situation was nothing but  . I've ran into her a few times around town and she's got 4 kids now, but the whole situation sucked because she was an honor student who had potential to go to an Ivy League school if she wouldn't have gotten knocked up.Goddamn that's a loving downer 
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May 19, 2017 21:15
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Vargatron posted:I dated this girl in high school when I 16 and I was ultra hype because this my first ever GF but of course my mom has to drive us around because I had a restricted license and couldn't have anybody under 21 in the car with me. Anyway my mom does me a solid and puts a bunch of groceries in the front seat so that me and my GF have to sit in the back seat (with of course my mom doing the whole "sly wink" bit). We get dropped off to the local bowling alley because that's what you do when you're 16. We slip off and make out in the back of the alley which was pretty awesome. We have several other dates like this and all is going well. good god this is a depressing blink 182 song
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May 19, 2017 21:59
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Pug Rodeo posted:then left me all alone to skate to that MC Hammer song about the Addams Family all by myself. Me, until two minutes ago: "Hahaha, that is such a dumb thing to say"
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May 20, 2017 04:43
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Vargatron posted:I dated this girl in high school when I 16 and I was ultra hype because this my first ever GF but of course my mom has to drive us around because I had a restricted license and couldn't have anybody under 21 in the car with me. Anyway my mom does me a solid and puts a bunch of groceries in the front seat so that me and my GF have to sit in the back seat (with of course my mom doing the whole "sly wink" bit). We get dropped off to the local bowling alley because that's what you do when you're 16. We slip off and make out in the back of the alley which was pretty awesome. We have several other dates like this and all is going well. okay so when your first girlfriend really needed you to be there for her, you instead decided to bail and ruin her life. good job
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May 20, 2017 18:07
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JFairfax posted:okay so when your first girlfriend really needed you to be there for her, you instead decided to bail and ruin her life. Goddamn, he was 16. He was kind of limited in what he could do. If he had snuck her out, that dad probably would have come along and raped both of them.
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May 20, 2017 19:23
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JFairfax posted:okay so when your first girlfriend really needed you to be there for her, you instead decided to bail and ruin her life. "Some man you are," he said to the literal child
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May 20, 2017 21:45
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Heath posted:"Some man you are," he said to the literal child 
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May 21, 2017 12:37
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Speaking of being in the middle of awkward families, there was this one girl I dated back in uni who had really uptight parents. I used to hang out at her place and her parents would argue all the goddamn time, like really loudly, especially the father who would be set off for the slightest thing. It was always super uncomfortable and to be honest I'm kind of surprised that they didn't even try to avoid going after each other when I was around. They didn't seem to have a problem with me and would talk normally, but soon enough another argument would ensure and I would just sit there silently and wondering what the hell I was doing there. Being poor college kids we didn't have much money to just be out all the time, she didn't have a car, and lived a decent distance away from my dorm so I spent way too much time in that drat house. That relationship probably went on for far too long all things considering.
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May 21, 2017 13:18
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Not my date, but one that I think was hilarious. A friend of mine went out with this girl, they got along well, and then he takes her back to his dorm room. They're getting it on, hot and heavy, doing a 69. She's on top, and starts to orgasm. When she does, he said he happened to open his eyes and look up, and in his words "her rear end in a top hat winked at me," and then she poo poo all over his face.
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May 21, 2017 15:49
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Count Freebasie posted:Not my date, but one that I think was hilarious. A friend of mine went out with this girl, they got along well, and then he takes her back to his dorm room.  What was each of their reactions to that happening? (Aside from, I'm guessing, there being no second date.)
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May 21, 2017 16:10
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I met this nice girl I'd hooked up with years before and we went on holiday to Egypt. Anyway, long story short, the locals were all working for the German tourists so the service was terrible. I ended up running round for hours after losing her in a market and then a monkey died. Talk about bad dates!
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May 21, 2017 16:17
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Spermanent Record posted:I met this nice girl I'd hooked up with years before and we went on holiday to Egypt. Anyway, long story short, the locals were all working for the German tourists so the service was terrible. I ended up running round for hours after losing her in a market and then a monkey died. Talk about bad dates! Har har. You are the pinnacle of subtle pop culture references.
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May 21, 2017 16:24
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I took a gorgeous woman out on the town and proceeded to grossly miscalculate my alcohol intake. I ended up falling asleep on a nightclub bar, getting carried out by a skinhead bouncer who then threw me into a lamppost whereby I proceeded to fall flat onto my head somehow not getting a concussion. The girl, likely feeling worried I'd somehow manage to get myself killed, came back to my hotel room with me. When I woke up in the morning we made a half assed attempt at sex as my dick decided to punish me for the previous night's idiocy. We then awkwardly took a cab to the office we both worked in. As of this month we've been together three years, so pretty dreadful date came good I guess.
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May 21, 2017 16:24
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She was 4'9" and 300 lbs. Got a blowie on the drive home from IHOP. I remember getting woken up on the middle of the night looking at a glass of water on my nightstand and seeing it ripple. I heard her footsteps as she walked back from the bathroom and knew. Woke up the next day to drive her home. She asked to go to Golden Corral on the way back in. I took her to Subway instead and got her a turkey sub with mustard.
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May 22, 2017 04:16
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Count Freebasie posted:Not my date, but one that I think was hilarious. A friend of mine went out with this girl, they got along well, and then he takes her back to his dorm room. I usually have to pay for that.
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May 22, 2017 05:01
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I was working as a waiter at a sports bar and hit it off with a customer, who slipped me her number as she was paying the check. Fast forward to that weekend and she spends most of the entire date talking about her sex toy collection and how much she's into sex toys and sex in general. Just right off the bat. Cold open. Before we had even gotten to a restaurant to have a meal. She was a pretty girl, but her desperate "I'm easy! You can totally gently caress me tonight without even trying!" routine really turned me off. I "got tired" and excused myself for the night, which she took as an opportunity to try and coax me to her apartment saying she had marijuana there and I should come over and smoke with her. I declined and conveniently lost her number. That night I learned what it must feel like to be a woman going on a date with a man who is obviously just there in the hopes of getting laid. Several years later a friend hooked me up on a pseudo blind date with a friend of hers. She thought we would get along because we were both into video games and general nerd stuff. Not ten minutes into the date I wanted to flee, as this girl was in her early thirties but acted like she was twelve, talked like a baby, was incredibly loud and obnoxious, revealed she still lived with her parents and had no job, and was generally just an embarrassing person to be around. As the date went on it turned out she was a hardcore weaboo and she acted like she did because she was trying to emulate anime schoolgirls I guess? My theory, but it's the only thing that makes sense other than just extreme autism. Again, I considered that this must be what it's like for women who go on a date only to find out their date is a total manchild. Oh, and one date straight up stabbed my hand with a steak knife in the middle of a restaurant as I reached over to steal a french fry off her plate. I married her. Esroc fucked around with this message at 07:11 on May 22, 2017 |
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May 22, 2017 06:40
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One of my friends invited me over to his house to hang out. Turns out it was his first date with some girl so me and him and his room mate played cards against humanity with her and talked about death metal. Never heard from her again.
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May 22, 2017 07:46
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Friends were out in a group at a bit of a dive bar and most drunk friend got snatched by some woman. He seemed to be having an ok time with her but it was dark and I think he was too drunk to notice she was a 40+ish trailer trash cougar to his 20-something drunk rear end. After being pulled to safety and informed of the situation he wanted to go home and call it a night. Cougar did not take kindly to this cock-blocking but what's she going to do? Turns out shouted threats in the parking lot and then follow in her truck resulting in a scary high speed chase and having to do some dangerous driving to eventually lose her.
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May 22, 2017 08:21
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What do you have against white trash cougars you rear end in a top hat
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May 22, 2017 14:51
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This has reminded me. Not a date as such. I had been dropped of by a roommate at a bar to watch a UFC fight and a friend was going to meet me there. This was like UFC 56 or something early so just a bunch of crazy people there and it was a light biker bar (motorcycles everywhere but not dangerous feeling). A friend that was going to meet me never arrived, so as I was sitting there alone in a crowd of leather so I just got drunk. I started talking to a girl outside smoking and flirting and she looked good and things were going great. This went on for a little while after the UFC event ended. Standing on the patio smoking and flirting. Finally like 3 hours late my friend arrives, talks amicably with me and the lady. She goes to piss. He turns to me and says "Do you trust me?" "Yes" I say. "Get in the car, now" I put down my half finished drink and we get in his car. We go to my house and hang out and drink uneventfully. The next morning I ask him about what happens and he says "How do you feel about crack whores?" "I didn't think she looked like a crack whore" "I know you didn't, that's why I saved you, she didn't have a lot of teeth..." So I learned that beer goggles are very real and I have a true good friend forever. And I ghosted a crack and/or meth girl at a pseudo biker bar.
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May 22, 2017 15:45
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Your friend was just jealous as hell and was lusting for your cock himself
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May 22, 2017 17:12
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Salty Josh posted:She was 4'9" and 300 lbs. Got a blowie on the drive home i hope to yahweh this is fake. Machai posted:and talked about death metal. Never heard from her again. unsurprising.
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May 22, 2017 17:13
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Groovelord Neato posted:i hope to yahweh this is fake. Nah dude fat chicks give great blowjobs They're experienced at gobbling meat
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May 22, 2017 18:09
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treiz01 posted:Nah dude fat chicks give great blowjobs When I got divorced, I happened to be playing in a band with a guy named Jim who was 20 years older than me. He overheard me talking to someone else about re-entering the dating scene and told me to, "Go get a fat girl, Bonzo. They'll do anything and will gently caress you all night long because they don't know when they'll be gettin' it again." Would anyone care to guess on the body type of Jim's wife?
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May 22, 2017 18:52
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Bonzo posted:
P fat
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May 22, 2017 19:03
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Bonzo posted:When I got divorced, I happened to be playing in a band with a guy named Jim who was 20 years older than me. He overheard me talking to someone else about re-entering the dating scene and told me to, "Go get a fat girl, Bonzo. They'll do anything and will gently caress you all night long because they don't know when they'll be gettin' it again." Portly.
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May 22, 2017 19:07
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I went on a dinner date straight out of college with a woman who took me to a gay bar, told me that I was "driving like a n----r" and then invited me back to her place. We made out and watched Empire Records for 30 minutes before she went into the bathroom, locked the door, and wouldn't respond. I thought she was avoiding me, and I was cool with it because there was zero chemistry and I felt like I had just been making out with the Emissary of Sauron, so I left and managed to lock myself out of her apartment complex's garage, where my car was parked. I finally managed to get home at 7 in the morning after trying all night to ninja my way into the garage. She called me the next day to tell me that she had fallen asleep on the toilet and wanted to go out with me again. There was no second date.
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May 22, 2017 19:20
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| # ? May 10, 2024 13:34 |
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beefart posted:I went on a dinner date straight out of college with a woman who took me to a gay bar, told me that I was "driving like a n----r" and then invited me back to her place. We made out and watched Empire Records for 30 minutes before she went into the bathroom, locked the door, and wouldn't respond. I thought she was avoiding me, and I was cool with it because there was zero chemistry and I felt like I had just been making out with the Emissary of Sauron, so I left and managed to lock myself out of her apartment complex's garage, where my car was parked. I finally managed to get home at 7 in the morning after trying all night to ninja my way into the garage. goddamn lol How the gently caress do you fall asleep on a toilet?
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May 22, 2017 19:24
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