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 "Come on girls, we need to get ready for school! Taylor, Madison, Polk, McKinley, get your stuff we're leaving. Agnew! What did I tell you, young man? You march yourself right back in that room and put on your utilikilt! No son of mine is wearing pants to school. " " But moooom, Pnurtis always gets to wear pants to Fidget Spinner practice! How mom lets him!" "And Pnurtis's mother spends her whole time at the Minecraft meets chugging box wine she hides in cartons of almond milk. So I don't care what she lets Pnurtis do. Get in your utilikilt, our Uber isn't going to wait all day."
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May 29, 2017 18:04
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*searches for lullaby versions of Death Grips songs on youtube*
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May 29, 2017 18:31
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Ask Alexa to play baby music and it'll literally play lullaby covers of top 50 hits.
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May 29, 2017 18:41
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Panfilo posted:Ask Alexa to play baby music and it'll literally play lullaby covers of top 50 hits. Is this real life serious? I can't tell.
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May 29, 2017 18:53
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*Buys only child 1001 different types of toys* *Gets 6 year old child a iphone 7*
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May 29, 2017 19:09
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etalian posted:*Buys only child 1001 different types of toys* Not having kids, I still don't understand this one. Is it about them fitting in with peers who also have phones - expensive ones, too - or is it just some kind of Helicopter-Parent tracking device for their purposes?
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May 29, 2017 19:14
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phasmid posted:Not having kids, I still don't understand this one. Is it about them fitting in with peers who also have phones - expensive ones, too - or is it just some kind of Helicopter-Parent tracking device for their purposes? Both, and an alternative to Thorazine.
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May 29, 2017 19:16
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Like, holy poo poo. I would not let a six year old just get on the internet unsupervised. Jesus loving hell in a hand grenade.Literally A Person posted:Both, and an alternative to Thorazine.
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May 29, 2017 19:16
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Outrail posted:Is this real life serious? I can't tell. Yeah. I was at my brother's house and his Amazon Echo was playing a lullaby whose melody was a slow-tempo tinkly version of Lady Gaga's 'Pokerface'. Some love ballads work well as a lullaby melody, like John Legend's 'All of me'. Others are a little disturbing if you already know the lyrics, like Hozier's Take me to Church' 
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May 29, 2017 19:16
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Literally A Person posted:Both, and an alternative to Thorazine. The millennial parenting solution when the kid gets angry or bored is just put them in front a Ipad.
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May 29, 2017 19:18
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etalian posted:The millennial parenting solution when the kid gets angry or bored is just put them in front a Ipad. This, but somehow they think it's better than television...
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May 29, 2017 19:19
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etalian posted:The millennial parenting solution when the kid gets angry or bored is just put them in front a Ipad. Really not any different than the last generation's solution being "put them in front of a Nintendo".
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May 29, 2017 19:23
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Chomp8645 posted:Really not any different than the last generation's solution being "put them in front of a Nintendo". You're missing the point. Things I did when I was a kid were totally functional and not at all dangerous to my development. It's the way kids are parented now that sucks. Duh.
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May 29, 2017 19:25
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Chomp8645 posted:Really not any different than the last generation's solution being "put them in front of a Nintendo". these lazy kids couldn't handle a Nintendo game. I spent an entire summer trying to beat Contra. modern kids would just give up and play another round of cookie clicker 
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May 29, 2017 19:53
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"Hey, Kylo. How you doing, bud? Dad's just gonna pop out for some American Spirits. You...you be a good boy, okay? Be good for your mom. I'll see you guys later."
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May 29, 2017 20:03
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im a vegan
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May 29, 2017 20:06
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sick tats brah posted:"Hey, Kylo. How you doing, bud? Dad's just gonna pop out for some D3cod3d vape juice. You...you be a good boy, okay? Be good for your mom. I'll see you guys later."
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May 29, 2017 20:07
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sick tats brah posted:"Hey, Kylo. How you doing, bud? Dad's just gonna pop out for some American Spirits. You...you be a good boy, okay? Be good for your mom. I'll see you guys later."  "Dad went out for smokes 20 years ago...I'm still waiting for him to come back..."*Father of Mine by Everclear plays in the background*
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May 29, 2017 20:07
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Panfilo posted:
Excuse you but Pnurtis is going to Regionals with that spinner. We bought an artisanal spinner off Etsy for $320 but can you really put a price on your child's whimsy?
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May 29, 2017 20:22
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54 40 or gently caress posted:Excuse you but Pnurtis is going to Regionals with that spinner. We bought an artisanal spinner off Etsy for $320 but can you really put a price on your child's whimsy? Yes, it's a $7 GI Joe.
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May 29, 2017 20:32
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*rides around in rear of car checking pulse of baby at each red light*
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May 29, 2017 20:33
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*spends year preparing kid (a bit like a dog for crufts) to be the face of Kinder bars then has long rant on Facebook and parenting forums when they realise that promotion doesn't exist anymore*
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May 29, 2017 20:36
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julian assflange posted:*rides around in rear of car checking pulse of baby at each red light*
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May 29, 2017 20:37
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julian assflange posted:*rides around in rear of car checking pulse of baby at each red light* Just lol if you don't have your kid wearing a Fitbit logging xir vitals 24/7.
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May 29, 2017 20:46
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*continually posts photos and videos of their toddler onto the group chat, including pictures of their poop and other biological components, because of course we all need to see that!* *mum whips out the breast while we're all in the same room, leading to awkward turning of heads and pretending we didn't just see full tit* *gives their child a ridiculous middle name because that's so cute nowadays* Dollas posted:*is intolerable* Also insufferable, but yeah.
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May 29, 2017 20:50
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Literally A Person posted:Yes, it's a $7 GI Joe. If you look at toys' prices now versus around 20 years ago it's pretty ridiculous. Action figures selling for like 16 bux plus tax? I wouldn't have had many action figures as a kid.
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May 29, 2017 21:57
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phasmid posted:If you look at toys' prices now versus around 20 years ago it's pretty ridiculous. Action figures selling for like 16 bux plus tax? I wouldn't have had many action figures as a kid. Marketing people know millennial parents will buy them so they can secretly collect in the guise of buying presents for their children.
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May 29, 2017 22:02
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Literally A Person posted:Marketing people know millennial parents will buy them so they can secretly collect in the guise of buying presents for their children.  hooooolyyy poo poo that's exactly what I would do!
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May 29, 2017 22:15
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A lesbian couple I know named their child Xeven. Later they announced on facebook that they changed it to Zeven for clarity.
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May 29, 2017 22:28
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Panfilo posted:Yeah. I was at my brother's house and his Amazon Echo was playing a lullaby whose melody was a slow-tempo tinkly version of Lady Gaga's 'Pokerface'. When I worked at a day care the treasurer of the church board decided the only music we could listen to was instrumental or Christian so those covers were the closest thing to good music I could get
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May 29, 2017 22:30
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54 40 or gently caress posted:Excuse you but Pnurtis is going to Regionals with that spinner. We bought an artisanal spinner off Etsy for $320 but can you really put a price on your child's whimsy? *muttering passive aggressively to herself* "Keep choking down that alcopop you call a Moscato bougie bitch... " "Agnew come on, I didn't spend $400 on fidget spinner tutoring so you could touch yourself under your utilikilt! You can scratch yourself during half time!" " Ref, do you see what Pnurtis is getting away with? Am I going to have to talk to the Superintendent again?! "
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May 29, 2017 22:42
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Takes picture of baby next to Hillary coffee cup.
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May 29, 2017 22:43
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etalian posted:Takes picture of baby next to Hillary coffee cup. 
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May 29, 2017 22:46
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I bought this Ergo baby carrier for 275, bringing my babywearing collection up to 8 slings and three carriers at a net worth of $6000
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May 29, 2017 22:50
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*posts tweets about how mad 3 year old is about hillary losing*
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May 29, 2017 22:53
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*Has a twitter account of the made up funny thing my kid says* Kid: mom is this soy or cashew milk? Me: it's coconut Kid: *muttering* Jesus Christ
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May 29, 2017 23:07
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*Dresses up child as Homestuck character for Halloween*
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May 29, 2017 23:39
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*Let's kids destroy the house and says on Facebook how cute it is*
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May 29, 2017 23:55
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sick tats brah posted:"Hey, Kylo. How you doing, bud? Dad's just gonna pop out for some American Spirits. You...you be a good boy, okay? Be good for your mom. I'll see you guys later."
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May 30, 2017 00:03
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*Puts 0-6 month old baby into a series of containers and slings* *Baby literally never learns to roll over, screams if on its side or god forbid on stomach* *innocent loving infant develops rectangular loving ribcage and is crippled because mom can't put down phone * *millennial mom brings infant to expensive loving massage therapist (me) to teach 6 month old how to lift its head or roll over* *I take all their loving money, mom never puts the phone down during the whole thing * *Puts baby back in container immediately carrying it in one hand, wailing on that loving phone with the other. *
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May 30, 2017 00:24
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