Improbable Lobster posted:

You're making a lot of big assumptions that I don't think are very reasonable to make

quote:

So, I went to the doctor for Ares' one year check up. He weighs 19lbs, and the doctor says he is underweight. I really don't understand. Ares has chubby baby cheeks, chunky little legs and his fingers are also very plump. He doesn't look underweight to me at all.

I'm wondering how everyone elses child measured up at their 1 year exam. Could it possibly be that I'm lacking something in his diet? He's eating mostly vegetarian right now, his dad has been giving him tiny bits of fish and poultry after the doctor complained about his weight. This doesn't seem to be fattening him up though.

ArbitraryC posted:

Either way you prolly shouldn't force your growing children to needlessly restrict their protein intake, let em decide to or not to be vegetarians on their own.

Sedisp posted:

Except she's not saying that they should eat only vegetarian food?

quote:

The other thing is about our children. She says they should eat the vegetarian more and wants to gradually make them vegetarian like her. I said they're both our children, neither of us should make unilateral decisions on what they can or can't eat. She can't forbid them from eating something without my approval, and I won't forbid them from eating something without her approval. Nobody stops them from eating the vegetarian, its there whenever they want it. They simply choose more often than not to eat what I'm cooking.

ArbitraryC posted:

Uh?

Sedisp posted:

Gradually eat more vegetarian food is not forbidding your kids to eat meat. She likely wants her kids to be vegetarians (most parents want their kids to make moral decisions they agree with shocker of shocks) but if she's doing it gradually that's not forbidding them from eating meat in their house. Especially if she agreed to letting them pick what they eat instead of forcing it.

At the end of the day lol no don't let your 10 and 8 year olds pick what they eat.

Sedisp posted:

Gradually eat more vegetarian food is not forbidding your kids to eat meat. She likely wants her kids to be vegetarians (most parents want their kids to make moral decisions they agree with shocker of shocks) but if she's doing it gradually that's not forbidding them from eating meat in their house. Especially if she agreed to letting them pick what they eat instead of forcing it.

At the end of the day lol no don't let your 10 and 8 year olds pick what they eat.

ArbitraryC posted:

rather than giving em a b12 deficiency cause you treat your children like a purse chihuahua.

misguided rage posted:

That's a very fine hair you're splitting

ArbitraryC posted:

She's clearly resentful of the husband giving them an alternative and them taking it tho.

Improbable Lobster posted:

Not really

quote:

Our mom committed suicide a few months ago, needless to say its been extremely difficult for our whole family since then. We're all still in grieving and mourning, its tough for us all.

But that's just to add context, this post is about something else. My sis has been acting really weird around my dad, and myself too to a lesser extent. Like, I know its a tough time for all of us, but she isn't really acting in a grieving way any more. My dad is super depressed most of the time, I think he might have depression, he's always sullen and quiet since what happened.

My sister acts really strange around him, she's always kissing him on the cheek, hugging him, almost acting flirty around him. She never used to act like this before. What's really weird is that she sleeps in the same bed with him, she was the one who asked to because she said its more comfortable and so she doesn't feel sad and lonely. I haven't heard anything weird going on, but sometimes in the morning I walk in and they're both asleep with her arms wrapped around him.

Is this weird or anything abnormal? Should I be freaked out or just let it pass?

By the way, she also asked to sleep in my bed with me a few times, and we did, but I felt it was way too uncomfortable and I was nervous the entire night and couldn't sleep so I asked her to stop, and that's why now she's always in dad's bed.

What should I do. should I just let the whole thing be and leave it at that? Should I tell them to stop? Should I investigate further?

ArbitraryC posted:

If the husband is cooking healthy meals the most reasonable option is to simply let the kids eat whichever they want? Like the only issue they have with the status quo is the wife wants everyone to change their diet to suit her.

maskenfreiheit posted:

Been noticing some strange acting between my [17M] sister [19F] and my dad [42M], including her sleeping in his bed more often. Is it anything suspicious?

quote:

So, I went to the doctor for Ares' one year check up. He weighs 19lbs, and the doctor says he is underweight. I really don't understand. Ares has chubby baby cheeks, chunky little legs and his fingers are also very plump. He doesn't look underweight to me at all.

I'm wondering how everyone elses child measured up at their 1 year exam. Could it possibly be that I'm lacking something in his diet? He's eating mostly vegetarian right now, his dad has been giving him tiny bits of fish and poultry after the doctor complained about his weight. This doesn't seem to be fattening him up though.

ArbitraryC posted:

lol

CharlestheHammer posted:

That is how this whole argument started, with arbitrary just looking fir a reason to hate the vegan.

ArbitraryC posted:

I mean unless you just think the OP is lying about the situation?

Cowslips Warren posted:

I. Just. What.

Okay naming your kid Ares, well, there's worse choices, but seriously just gently caress that and go for Zeus or Poseidon or loving Hades.

Why the gently caress are some people so loving stupid about being vegan and poo poo? Your baby needs protein! And a year old baby at 19 pounds is loving starving! Most babies are born about half that!

Sedisp posted:

No the most reasonable option is usually to compromise on something as easy as maybe sometimes dinner can be vegetarian. If she pushes it beyond that then you can put your foot down but if not you've probably saved a whole bunch of simmering hatred for eachother with as something as simple as "I no longer eat meat every dinner every day."

ArbitraryC posted:

but like I don't think her talking about how disgusting she thinks his animal carcasses are is gonna go away if he has them less often, if the OP isn't lying it doesn't look like she'll be happy until they've all become gradually vegetarian. Like "you can have meat on fridays but I will be super passive aggresive about it while you cook/eat it" is not a reasonable compromise but I guess maybe she's only super passive aggressive about it now because he hasn't cut back at all and she'd change her tune if they met halfway.

Sedisp posted:

No the most reasonable option is usually to compromise on something as easy as maybe sometimes dinner can be vegetarian. If she pushes it beyond that then you can put your foot down but if not you've probably saved a whole bunch of simmering hatred for eachother with as something as simple as "I no longer eat meat every dinner every day."

Sedisp posted:

Oh yeah if she keeps sniping any time its meat night or whatever then gently caress her but the passive aggressiveness could just be because she feels like she's losing connection with her family.

Sedisp posted:

You're expecting parents who name their kid Ares to be rational?

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

I'd eat a lot more meat then usual and get dumped, so nobody should ever take my advice.

SirSamVimes posted:

No, the story literally stated that the mother was trying to make the children vegetarian and that she didn't like when he let them eat meat?

Edit: This is of course assuming that he is faithfully recounting the situation.

DAD LOST MY IPOD posted:

maskenfreiheit posted:

I went on a date with a vegetarian once, I suggested an Indian place because they have lots of veggie dishes. She got really irritated I ordered a dish with chicken, there was no second date.

It was irritating since her profile said she's vegetarian but "doesn't make a big deal about it"

DAD LOST MY IPOD posted:

i'm seeing a lot of confusion on this central point, so i just want to reiterate an important rule of thumb that will serve you will:
don't gently caress your dad

i don't care if you think you have a good reason. stop, think, and don't gently caress your dad. do something else. literally almost anything else!

ok, now everyone but the dads leave the room. ok? just gotta talk to the dads a minute.

all dads here? alright, good.

here's the secret lesson:

don't gently caress your kids

fruit on the bottom posted:

I'm holding out hope that no loving is happening in that story.

quote:

I'm assuming I'm posting this in the right place, but this is my first time actually asking a question, so if I mess something up please don't hate me. Anyway, I [25F] have been with my bf [25M] for 5 years. The first 3-4 years of our relationship I was in grad school. I wasn't allowed to work, so I had no income. Regardless, I still managed to scare up the funds on occasion to buy small gifts for birthdays, Christmas, v-day, etcetera by writing papers, tutoring, or doing online surveys and I tried to do something nice for anniversaries. When I couldn't come up with money, I would just make something meaningful (e.g. I have in the past made a page-a-day style calendar with nice things written on each page that counted down the days of summer break, a 100-reasons I love you book for v-day, a bottle of happy pills that could be broken open with a tiny note from me inside each one, and many more). I would also bake him his favorite cake or cupcakes and usually a few trays of cookies or something fun and new I thought he might enjoy. I guess I should add as a note that I lived out of state from the school I went to and my parents didn't want me in this relationship, so for things like his birthday or anything random I chose to send over the summer, I would have to find a chance to sneak some baking time in when nobody was home, pack a box, and pay to ship it back to him.

For his part, he usually doesn't get me anything. He forgot my birthday like the first 3 years in a row. And Christmas, he would always forget the day I was leaving, tell me he'd give me something when I got back and then forget what he wanted to get me. To be fair we weren't in the same school and I didn't always know what date my parents were coming to get me so this information was not communicated to him. I do not hold him at fault for this. Plus one year he did take me to the store, point at a snuggie, and say I was going to get this for you for Christmas, do you want it. It would have been a decent gift as he knows I'm always cold, but it was January 27th....our anniversary we have actually never celebrated. For one reason or another we just have not been able to be together. Other days he would say he didn't have money to buy me anything to which my mental response was always "I don't have money, but I just wrote 30-pages on foreign business policy while taking online surveys in order to afford your gift and the $4/gallon gas to drive an hour to get you from work". We also spent a bit over a year long distance due to him taking some classes at a school out of state. During this time I again sent him something for every important day as well as the occasional card. He would always send me a romantic text message for my days, but that's it.

So now fast forward to this year and I'm finally beginning to get tired of the effort. We are both done with school and have jobs that are relatively time-consuming though I typically have longer hours than he does and have the higher income. Every few weeks he has to go out to sea and i make him a massive basket of snacks and homemade baked goods to take on the ship as well as packing extra for his friends. For v-day he always says he's had too many bad ones with exes so he doesn't celebrate it anymore. I still wanted to try to turn it around for him, so I made him a scavenger hunt, wrote out clues to send him all over the house and car and other places to find various treats including front row tickets to a show, a Versace watch, a new wallet, and gift cards for fun dates. For his birthday I got him new clothes, a Swiss army watch, and something else I can't remember. And again to be fair, I am really good at snagging good deals and I still do surveys and stuff for my spending money so I didn't spend a ton of money which he knows. He's always kind of awed by my prowess in that department and even though I'm known for going overboard with quantity, he respects that I pick a reasonable budget and manage to squeeze everything inside it. For example, the watch was $695 at Macy's but by the time I was done with my savings I only paid $100. He always loves everything I get him and knows I spend weeks or months planning out his gifts. He on the other hand prides himself on picking my gifts in 15 minutes or less.

Last Christmas, I got a decorative plastic tree. He bought it for a somewhat thoughtful reason, but he bought it online, left it in the overstock.com box it came in with $25 price tag, and then scribbled the semblance of a card onto a torn piece of wrapping paper because he said he felt bad that my layout for him was nicer (I got him books, they were surrounded by a heart shape of his favorite candies). He bought much more expensive gifts for family members. For v-day I got a text that said happy Valentines day. For my birthday, he got me a pot. I did not want a pot. I would have liked the pot significantly more if it had had dinner in it. The weekend before we went on a fun dinner date which I had assumed was my birthday gift. I had been happy with that and congratulated him on a great b-day idea. He said that wasn't my gift he just had heard of the place and thought it would be fun just because and he was going to think of something special for my bday. And then he gave me a pot. Followed by the story that he was in the grocery store to get deodorant before coming over and he walked past them and apparently remembered me saying I needed one. I do remember the conversation. I actually said, "I really wish I had more than one pot, but my cabinets are so small I don't have space for one." So I took my not wrapped pot and used it to make dinner (together) and then we watched the movie he wanted to see that he had so gallantly brought over. Again, to be fair I had a passing interest in seeing the movie (WoW), but I didn't actually care. I wanted to see Storks. I still want to see Storks. He will not go see Storks with me. The pot now lives on my stove. His brother's birthday is the week after mine. He got him a new game console. I am less irritated by the fact that he got a nicer and more by the fact that we went out to look at it a few weeks before because he was price hunting and trying to be sure that's what he should get whereas my pot was picked up on a whim 10 minutes in advance. So finally we get to our anniversary aaaaaand we're doing nothing. I asked him about it a month out and he said not to plan anything so we could plan together which is code for we aren't doing anything. We were supposed to just hang out today, no going out and I know he wasn't getting me anything, but he ended up having to go to work. And no, that isn't an excuse he really did have no option but to go to work, but he isn't terribly upset about it. He really doesn't care that we aren't even just going to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. I am super tired of this. Over the years I have gone to massive effort for all of these special days and they don't matter at all to him. But he's nice in other ways, so really I just want to find a nice way to decrease my side of things that I don't really feel is being reciprocated. I have talked to him about remembering to think of days in advance and plan for them, but he always says that his brain is too full of the things he has to learn for work which pisses me off because it insinuates that my job/degree was easy. I'my not looking to start a war over this. I simply think that these days may not mean as much to him and as a result I feel it would be totally fair to decrease my obligation accordingly. I don't want to just go up to him and say hey, "you're terrible at being thoughtful, do you mind if I stop doing all this stuff too?" Nor do I want to just not buy him a Christmas present since I always go above and beyond on gifts and make him feel like I'm mad at him. So what is the tactful response here?

Sorry if this is super long. I'm on my phone so I'm terrible at gauging how this will appear on a computer. edit: spacing
tl;dr: My bf of 5 years is terrible at celebrating special occasions and rarely does it while I usually gonly all out. Is there a polite way for me to stop doing things for him without making him feel like he did something wrong?

quote:

Then that is my fault. He does care. I talked to him about the constant forgetting and me feeling taken for granted years ago. He was highly apologetic and tried to turn it around. Then a year ago said he would try harder to be a better bf in general. He takes me out on dates and is helpful around the house and with my dog. He even changed the oil in my car rather than letting me go to a mechanic. And he was so excited about the god-danged pot. The look of triumph on his face when he announced he had remembered something I mentioned wanting was absolutely priceless. This is why I am not angry about it.

quote:

A. I apologize a lot. Yes, that's a personal trait, but I have no issue with it as it doesn't hurt anyone. B. I like to make other people happy, occasionally to my own detriment. Yes, that is a personal flaw, but it is literally the reason I am here. I am aware of my flaws, aware that they are a product of myself and am actively working to change the one I found problematic. The only person I was talking about was me (e.g. how do I make change relative to only me not how do I make someone else make me feel better). I don't see how that is failing to hold myself accountable. Also, I don't put any weight on zodiac signs. I was making an attempt at humor which apparently did not go over well with you. But I am sorry if you found my commentary distasteful.

Cowslips Warren posted:

Why the gently caress are some people so loving stupid about being vegan and poo poo? Your baby needs protein! And a year old baby at 19 pounds is loving starving! Most babies are born about half that!

DAD LOST MY IPOD posted:

i'm seeing a lot of confusion on this central point, so i just want to reiterate an important rule of thumb that will serve you will:
don't gently caress your dad

i don't care if you think you have a good reason. stop, think, and don't gently caress your dad. do something else. literally almost anything else!

ok, now everyone but the dads leave the room. ok? just gotta talk to the dads a minute.

all dads here? alright, good.

here's the secret lesson:

don't gently caress your kids

dudeness posted:

How can I stop doing things for my bf without hurting his feelings?

Pick posted:

He didn't throw out your loving cupcakes so shut up