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*Child dies from easily preventable vaccinationable disease acquired from childcare group* *Frantically tries to get pregnant in order to continue mommy and daddy blog* *Vows to homeschool next child, no contact with society lest tragedy strike anew* *Child inevitably kills and eats parents*
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May 30, 2017 20:34
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*Despite massive wealth, live in poor neighborhood for "authenticity"* *Refuse to admit that crime happens in their neighborhood, take unsafe routes home* *Are accosted by armed mugger while out with only son, attempt to reason with him instead of giving into his demands* *Die*
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May 30, 2017 20:37
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We're thinking of moving into this tiny house. It's only $60k for 40 sqf and it's right around the corner from this sweet authentic bodega.
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May 30, 2017 20:43
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Barudak posted:*Are accosted by armed mugger while out with only son, attempt to reason with him instead of giving into his demands* Alternatively: *gives mugger whole purse before a threat is made* *explains to son that the mugger doesn't want to rob them, he has to*
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May 30, 2017 20:43
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Literally A Person posted:Alternatively: *still die*
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May 30, 2017 20:45
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54 40 or gently caress posted:Took Fenix to the craft brewery for this awesome folk set. Had some great local craft brews with choice eats. Smoked sriracha maple bacon with local micro greens on a toasted peasant bread bun. Off to my shantala infant massage class all, namaste *applies stick-on handlebar moustache to the child*
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May 30, 2017 20:51
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*order pancakes made with ricotta, complains when he finds out his breakfast contains cheese; complains on Twitter* *Tweets that hotel kicks him out when he wanted to switch rooms but none were available* http://torontolife.com/city/life/the-truth-behind-jaden-smiths-toronto-fuelled-twitter-tantrum-four-seaons-hotel-pancakes/
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May 30, 2017 21:02
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*has nervous breakdown when child is 18 and expects parent to pay for all necessary life expenses because un-school was unaccredited and was in no way a pipeline to a college or trade school*
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May 30, 2017 21:06
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Literally A Person posted:*has nervous breakdown when child is 18 and expects parent to pay for all necessary life expenses because un-school was unaccredited and was in no way a pipeline to a college or trade school* Time to join the church/army!
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May 30, 2017 21:07
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phasmid posted:Time to join the army! God I wish the IRL person I was posting about had the backbone.
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May 30, 2017 21:10
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Literally A Person posted:God I wish the IRL person I was posting about had the backbone. Did they carry him around in a sling?
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May 30, 2017 21:23
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CAN U FEEL IT YEAH posted:Did they carry him around in a sling? No, the parent converted to millennial parenting when she got a divorce. You know, substituting her child for a functional relationship then marrying a decent but rich dude that she has little interest in.
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May 30, 2017 21:25
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 jesus h christ this loving thread 
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May 30, 2017 22:14
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spasticColon posted:
fixed
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May 30, 2017 22:15
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So what's the primary indictment here? "Put down your dang phone and care for your children!" or "Sheesh millennial parents stop coddling your dang children!" ?
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May 30, 2017 23:07
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B. Birdsworth posted:So what's the primary indictment here? "Put down your dang phone and care for your children!" or "Sheesh millennial parents stop coddling your dang children!" ? Somehow both
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May 30, 2017 23:09
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Outrail posted:Somehow both Yeah. It's counterintuitive, but being a less "protective" parent takes a lot more time and effort than being an overprotective one. That's because allowing kids freedom means you also have to teach them how to exercise good judgment in a wide range of complex situations. That takes a lot more time, and more good communication, than dumping them in a safe space and ordering them around.
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May 30, 2017 23:53
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Everyone knows millennials are lazy, and parenting is a ton of work, so it comes to no surprise that a millennial parent is going to stuff their little Wholock in a flowerpot for 22 hours a day.
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May 31, 2017 00:02
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Panfilo posted:Everyone knows millennials are lazy, and parenting is a ton of work, so it comes to no surprise that a millennial parent is going to stuff their little Wholock in a flowerpot for 22 hours a day. but talk incessantly about how good of a parent they are.
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May 31, 2017 00:04
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54 40 or gently caress posted:We're thinking of moving into this tiny house. It's only $60k for 40 sqf and it's right around the corner from this sweet authentic bodega. You laugh but this is literally the only option left in the Bay Area for most young parents. 
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May 31, 2017 00:08
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Space Taxi posted:What happens to these retard babies if they don't get any professional help? Do they just drag themselves around on their rear end until they graduate college? Not to rag on "massage therapists" who practice on literal babies but after polling my half-dozen friends who are pediatricians, literally not one of them thinks this is an actual serious problem. Neglect is one thing, but not doing tummy time isn't going to result in "massive developmental delay" unless there are other problems going on. e: *Attempts to calm a squalling 4 year old at the office by reasoning with him and explaining the rationale behind vaccines, while the nurse waits stoically for several minutes with the MMR shot.* B. Birdsworth fucked around with this message at 00:38 on May 31, 2017 |
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May 31, 2017 00:18
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Literally A Person posted:but talk incessantly about how good of a parent they are. It's the inverse effect. Women who like to go on about what a good mom they are tend to be terrible, and women that beat themselves up about being a bad mom are decent to good, because being a good parent requires you be at least self aware of your shortcomings and work to improve.
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May 31, 2017 00:41
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Panfilo posted:It's the inverse effect. Women who like to go on about what a good mom they are tend to be terrible, and women that beat themselves up about being a bad mom are decent to good, because being a good parent requires you be at least self aware of your shortcomings and work to improve. Self-awareness kinda stopped being a thing. see: facebook
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May 31, 2017 00:42
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B. Birdsworth posted:Not to rag on "massage therapists" who practice on literal babies but after polling my half-dozen friends who are pediatricians, literally not one of them thinks this is an actual serious problem. Neglect is one thing, but not doing tummy time isn't going to result in "massive developmental delay" unless there are other problems going on. Why would you need a massage if you haven't even developed muscles 
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May 31, 2017 01:46
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phasmid posted:Why would you need a massage if you haven't even developed muscles to stimulate muscle growth, durrrr ive been reading these old Eastern European gymnastics manuals and ALL THOSE kids were training to be champions before they could even walk Mr Vladislav here seems to think my little Czkylar could have what it takes
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May 31, 2017 10:56
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thisthread.jpg
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May 31, 2017 16:27
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54 40 or gently caress posted:I bought this Ergo baby carrier for 275, bringing my babywearing collection up to 8 slings and three carriers at a net worth of $6000 Lol this is my wife. They even have a thing where they caw at eachother in whole foods. We also have a stroller that was more expensive than my first car.
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May 31, 2017 16:32
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*child is so scared of the world outside parents arms that if anything challenges child's preconceived notions they literally have a panic attack* *in an elevator* *while I am there*
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May 31, 2017 16:37
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Return Of JimmyJars posted:Lol this is my wife. They even have a thing where they caw at eachother in whole foods. We also have a stroller that was more expensive than my first car. I see homeless people carrying their possessions in jogging strollers that are still in decent shape, I simply do not understand why people are willingly buying them for $1,000. I mean hell, just buy one secondhand and lowball them by offering $30 for it used.
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May 31, 2017 16:54
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bradzilla posted:thisthread.jpg Don't post my pic <  >Return Of JimmyJars posted:Lol this is my wife. They even have a thing where they caw at eachother in whole foods. We also have a stroller that was more expensive than my first car. I bought a ring sling and I canny for the life of me wear it correctly. The skinny hippy woman with one small dread and no deodorant that sold it to me made it look so easy
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May 31, 2017 18:18
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phasmid posted:Why would you need a massage if you haven't even developed muscles To empty wallets of dumb people with too much money, presumably.
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Jun 1, 2017 06:31
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I hear that compared to previous generations, Millennials are slightly less likely to march into whatever foreign nation their government says to and wildly fire into a crowded marketplace. How dare they not mercilessly and blindly kill whatever persons the corporate controlled government labels the flavor-of-the-decade supreme enemy. The loving nerve.
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Jun 1, 2017 21:11
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ProperCoochie posted:I hear that compared to previous generations, Millennials are slightly less likely to march into whatever foreign nation their government says to and wildly fire into a crowded marketplace. How dare they not mercilessly and blindly kill whatever persons the corporate controlled government labels the flavor-of-the-decade supreme enemy. The loving nerve. See, this guy gets it!
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Jun 1, 2017 21:48
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ProperCoochie posted:I hear that compared to previous generations, Millennials are slightly less likely to march into whatever foreign nation their government says to and wildly fire into a crowded marketplace. How dare they not mercilessly and blindly kill whatever persons the corporate controlled government labels the flavor-of-the-decade supreme enemy. The loving nerve. millennialhumor.txt
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Jun 1, 2017 23:36
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ProperCoochie posted:I hear that compared to previous generations, Millennials are slightly less likely to march into whatever foreign nation their government says to and wildly fire into a crowded marketplace. How dare they not mercilessly and blindly kill whatever persons the corporate controlled government labels the flavor-of-the-decade supreme enemy. The loving nerve. How does that relate to being a parent idgi Also due to video-game murder programming millenials have the least empathy of any generation, so even as a non-joke this post doesn't make any sense
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Jun 1, 2017 23:41
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Literally A Person posted:No, the parent converted to millennial parenting when she got a divorce. You know, substituting her child for a functional relationship then marrying a decent but rich dude that she has little interest in. I'm pretty sure this is not a millennial original. Panfilo posted:I see homeless people carrying their possessions in jogging strollers that are still in decent shape, I simply do not understand why people are willingly buying them for $1,000. I mean hell, just buy one secondhand and lowball them by offering $30 for it used. I hate when people drop $$$$$ on new baby stuff and then complain (or worse, hint at a loan) a bunch. I got most things used (but in such good shape you couldn't tell), including this amazing Cadillac of a crib that probably cost a couple grand new. And I didn't have to look hard! I'm lazy! Relevant: some of the crunchier moms I know were telling me about this new thing they've been encountering with new moms: they either refuse to buy a diaper genie/something like it, or hide it from the kid. Because they think if the kid sees it, they'll get a complex. About having stinky poo poo. So stinky, it needs a separate receptacle. These crunchy moms are all Gen X or highest-age millennial, they all thought it was ridiculous. Thankfully. I don't care what nonsense people do as far as hiding it in a closet or whatever, but ugh good luck not having one at all if you live in cramped spaces and your out-of-home trash setup isn't super close. Those things are worth their weight in gold. I know someone who moved in late 2012, hastily, and could never find their diaper genie after. They moved from an apartment to an actual house so they started just putting diapers in plastic shopping bags, tying them up, and putting them in the trashcans in the garage. They figured it had gotten lost or tossed in the move. Until late 2016, when one of them went looking for something & realized it had been chucked into a storage room, disguised in a trashbag, by a mover (presumably). Four years. It was full. There was no odor. She tied it off, still no odor. Threw the blue-poop-worm full of tiny diapers in the trash, still no odor. It's magic. I'm rambling but my point is they'll keep your small house or apartment smelling like the rankest poo poo ever and I've never seen a kid care where their diapers go (aside from curiosity) so Jesus Christ is my point.
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Jun 2, 2017 00:09
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Lol@. The diaper genie thing. The crunchy wtf moment I had was learning about "elimination communication". I totally buy used pretty much everything. Clothes in particular esp right now because he's growing so fast and I'm not dumping a truckload of money on clothes made for children by children 54 40 or fuck fucked around with this message at 00:35 on Jun 2, 2017 |
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Jun 2, 2017 00:32
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*Grows up with the internet* *Finds validation in abnormal thoughts through the hugbox of said internet* *Becomes a brony*
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Jun 2, 2017 00:38
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I like how Millennial parents buy like 1000 sets of unique clothing for their babies. Even better if it's the latest and great pop culture stuff like marvel super hero onesies. It's definitely going up on facebook!
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Jun 2, 2017 00:41
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*longs for the day his offspring can read so he can share with them the splendors of Ready Player One*
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Jun 2, 2017 01:25
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