/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

maskenfreiheit posted:

This, on the other hand, I think is real:

My[24F] therapist[40F] keeps suggesting I am in love with my brother[24M]

Don't gently caress your brother.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 14:56

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 07:33

TheKennedys: Sep 23, 2006; By my hand, I will take you from this godforsaken internet

maskenfreiheit posted:

Had sex dream about adopted brother; therapist thinks I'm in love with him

uh

esplain youself, Lucy

# ? Jun 6, 2017 15:13

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

TheKennedys posted:

uh

esplain youself, Lucy

His parents adopted a boy and that boy is now his brother what the gently caress else do you think it means

# ? Jun 6, 2017 15:19

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Boy the word 'adopted' might have been useful information a little earlier on in that post.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 15:41

DAD LOST MY IPOD: Feb 3, 2012; Fats Dominar is on the case

the fact that she felt compelled to put the word adopted in there kind of seems to me like she's trying to justify it to herself, same with her being like "and I was right about his gf!" higher up. I think it is not healthy for her to live with him.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 15:42

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Oh it's a girl, yeah she definitely wants to get stuck under a table when he's around lol

# ? Jun 6, 2017 15:47

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

r/relationships is such a weird place to post your sex fantasies, I mean there's the entire rest of the internet

# ? Jun 6, 2017 16:08

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Pick posted:

r/relationships is such a weird place to post your sex fantasies, I mean there's the entire rest of the internet

Lmao, someone hopped on the Meme Time Machine to get you your latest AV.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 16:14

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Pick posted:

r/relationships is such a weird place to post your sex fantasies, I mean there's the entire rest of the internet

It's an extremely specific fetish where everyone involved is a loser and then subliterate piss fetishists from the internet yell at you

# ? Jun 6, 2017 16:28

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

I [29F] am breaking up with SO [34M] after a year of discussing how unhappy I am and no change. Why is he acting surprised?

quote:

Hi, and thanks in advance for any light you can shine on this. I've been with my SO for 6 years. Last year I brought up the subject of marriage and he shut me down - hard. That was fine, we're not a traditional or religious couple or anything like that so live and let live right?

But the strength of his rejection got me thinking. I had made a some significant compromises to be in this relationship, not saying he hasn't, but the life I'm living with him is not really anything I imagined or wanted for myself. The main factor is I don't enjoy living in this city and he won't move because of his job. Anyway after thinking about it for a while I came back at him with some changes I wanted to make to our lifestyle so that I could be happier in our relationship. These were mostly health related - like drinking less and eating better, him smoking less etc. Also some financial stuff, like savings goals and things like that.

Nothing really changed, or it would change for a couple of days and things would go right back to normal. On top of this our sex life has dwindled to nothing. His smoking is a turn off and we don't even kiss anymore. So I started talking to him about how this isn't really working for me. I'm going to start appling for jobs in other states yada yada. He basically shrugs his shoulders and I move into the spare bedroom. So for the last six months or so I've been applying for jobs in other places and looking at my options. I'm not getting alot of bites because I've been working outside of my field as I'm stuck in this city with SO.

Then I met someone else. With this new guy in the picture it's clear to me that I have to clear up my life a bit and start living the single life, since I am basically single anyway. So I duscuss the situation with a friend and they agree I can move in with them until I find a more permanent place.

The only thing left to do is let my SO know I'm officially breaking up with him and moving out. Cue huge surprise from him and acting like the sky is falling in. I didn't even mention the other guy since I didn't think it was necessary (why rub in the fact that I met someone else) but since we'd been talking about how unhappy I am for about a year now I didn't think this would be such a big deal. My now ex-SO made such a huge deal of it. He basically said he was nothing without me and he might as well kill himself. I'm really surprised. Why is he acting this way when we've been winding down and talking about this for a year?

TLDR - SO refused to marry me last year. Since then relationship has been slowly winding down and 6 months ago I told him I was planning on moving on. Now that I am poo poo has hit the fan. Edited for para breaks

Everyone knows you should start looking for a new ~~job~~ bangmaid after a negative performance evaluation!

# ? Jun 6, 2017 16:35

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Whorelord posted:

warwick davis has fallen on hard times

You don't besmirch his name! He's the most successful actor of all time!

# ? Jun 6, 2017 16:35

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

It's an extremely specific fetish where everyone involved is a loser and then subliterate piss fetishists from the internet yell at you

I've heard specific-er

# ? Jun 6, 2017 16:40

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

My [29F] son [4M] wants to stay up until mid night for Pokemon and my husband [32M] is trying to be the "fun dad"

quote:

Son and daughter [4M&6F] Could have sworn I wrote that in the title.

This has given me one hell of a headache today. I just managed to get my son and daughter to go to bed with one hell of a fight. They got up and down and ran all around.

My daughter is 6 years old and my son is 4. My brother in law introduced them to Pokemon and they love them. My son likes the cartoon more than anything. My brother in law told them a new game would be coming. They didn't know they made games. They thought it was just a cartoon. The Pokemon announcement comes on at exactly mid night in Melbourne. There's not a snow ball chance in hell I'm letting them to stay up to those hours for freaking Pokemon.

I was actually making sense to my kids. I told them that it will be there in the morning when they wake up. It won't run away. My husband comes in, in full cool dad mode and asks me to let them stay up if they're excited. He told me our son is staying home tomorrow while our daughter goes to school, so give them both the day off. He's sick. I'm about 90% sure our son has a cold. He's going to the doctor tomorrow. I said no and he was just no help at all.

tl;dr: Husband made me look like the evil mom and thinks he did nothing wrong. He wanted to do something "cool" for them.

Alright which one of you is the brother in law?

# ? Jun 6, 2017 16:45

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

actually she is the evil mom

# ? Jun 6, 2017 16:47

Cat Machine: Jun 18, 2008

Tender Bender posted:

Alright which one of you is the brother in law?

this post is really funny because the announcement was 8 minutes long and just detailed a bunch of re-releases, those kids got owned

# ? Jun 6, 2017 16:47

Barudak: May 7, 2007

maskenfreiheit posted:

I [29F] am breaking up with SO [34M] after a year of discussing how unhappy I am and no change. Why is he acting surprised?

The rare case of the gun forcing the victim to dodge the bullet.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:01

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

I (29M) found out my girlfriend of 4 years (25F) is cheating on me a month ago. We reconciled it, agreed to stay together. Found out she's cheating on me with same guy

quote:

Title mostly sums it up. Early May I had a feeling something was different between my girlfriend and I. She was acting very weird and I discovered, by looking through her texts on her laptop, that she was cheating on me.

I should admit right now that I'm at fault for even looking at her texts. I only looked at her texts between herself and the guy I suspected with, as she would bring him up more frequently than others, and the point that pushed it over the edge for me was her going into our other bedroom to talk to him. That's fine and all, but I heard her giggling and talking flirty so I made the decision to go through her laptop. I confronted her and she admitted it and we had a long talk and we eventually reconciled, because we had built up so much and we still loved each other.

Fast forward to this morning. She was acting very weird and attacked me this morning and last night for "being too intimate and close to her" . This was after she invited to take pictures of her posing nude in our bathtub, which I thought was very odd. I know she had still been talking to that guy since they were friends and I was willing to overlook it since they were friends for a while, I just had no interest if ever meeting him.

She left for work without even saying bye, while I was showering, something she never does. She always says "bye I love you" when we leave for work; I took that as a red flag. And I decided to look through her laptop again.

I really hate myself for looking their her texts, but what I found made me sick. I saw Pictures from our photo shoots we did together with her dressed seductively and nude, a dick pic from him, and a screenshot of her calendar that scheduled her to "gently caress his brains out" tomorrow at 7:00PM.

She apologized for not saying bye and hoped I have a good day. I've been ignoring all contact from her this morning. I can't bear the thought of talking to her. She progressed her texts from saying she'll give me my space to saying "it's over, I'm leaving work to tel the leasing office we're not renewing in July." Reminder; I have not replied back once to any of her texts.

I'm absolutely heartbroken and part of me wants to work things out and squash this but the other part wants to throw it all away and leave forever. We've been together almost 4 years through so much; I seriously pictured spending my life with her and I know she still loves me and I do too, but now I want to walk away and resign myself to a life of no relationships with her or anyone.

Tl;dr gf cheated on me, reconciled, cheated again. I found out myself both times by going through texts. Split on what to do.

Once again I rue the fact that the word "cuck" has been co-opted because this dude seems like he loving wanted to get cheated on again

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:02

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Why do these people always say they are at fault or know they are wrong for snooping when they find evidence of something that justifies their having done so? I hate reddit

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:05

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Cheated on you multiple times and then dumped your rear end. Not the first time I've heard that story. Don't try to work it out. jesus.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:05

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

Holy gently caress he was the photographer for her sexy photoshoot for her lover and he wants to stay in the relationship? Throw her poo poo on the lawn and set it on fire.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:06

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

It's p funny that he thinks she ever stopped the relationship with the other guy

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:07

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Pick posted:

Cheated on you multiple times and then dumped your rear end. Not the first time I've heard that story. Don't try to work it out. jesus.

What is it you always say? All women are garbage?

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:08

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Buzkashi posted:

I (29M) found out my girlfriend of 4 years (25F) is cheating on me a month ago. We reconciled it, agreed to stay together. Found out she's cheating on me with same guy

Once again I rue the fact that the word "cuck" has been co-opted because this dude seems like he loving wanted to get cheated on again

What a sorry piece of poo poo. Not even. Married to this person and you want to try and make it work after catching her cheating twice?

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:08

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Blue Train posted:

Why do these people always say they are at fault or know they are wrong for snooping when they find evidence of something that justifies their having done so? I hate reddit

it's ok to violate your partner's privacy, as long as they did something, just like cops don't actually need consent for a search if they end up finding drugs in the car

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:10

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Hughlander posted:

What is it you always say? All women are garbage?

Can we just change it to all people are garbage? I feel like it covers the bases and also includes trans and non binary gender folks as well.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:10

Barudak: May 7, 2007

You are 29 goddamn years old. Do you know what I was doing at 29? I was leading an army the likes of which the world had never known, conquered the greeks, defeated the persians, and hosed whatever man or woman struck my fancy as I continued my unstoppable conquest eastward. You on the other hand lack the fortitude to leave a woman who spurns you openly.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:12

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

Blue Train posted:

Why do these people always say they are at fault or know they are wrong for snooping when they find evidence of something that justifies their having done so? I hate reddit

Because they have no self respect and are looking for literally anything they might have done wrong to cause this to happen, and land on "well obviously I wasn't trusting enough and pushed them away and my snooping is just proof of that so that was a bad thing to do"

At least that's why I felt bad about it until multiple trusted sources told me I hadn't done anything wrong.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:13

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

maskenfreiheit posted:

it's ok to violate your partner's privacy, as long as they did something, just like cops don't actually need consent for a search if they end up finding drugs in the car

Your analogy doesn't work and would be more appropriately stated as police don't need a warrant to search the car when they smell marijuana hth

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:13

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

I Was The Fury posted:

Because they have no self respect and are looking for literally anything they might have done wrong to cause this to happen, and land on "well obviously I wasn't trusting enough and pushed them away and my snooping is just proof of that so that was a bad thing to do"

At least that's why I felt bad about it until multiple trusted sources told me I hadn't done anything wrong.

Hm yeah I could see that

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:14

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Blue Train posted:

Your analogy doesn't work and would be more appropriately stated as police don't need a warrant to search the car when they smell marijuana hth

marijuana isn't a drug mannnnnnnnnn

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:21

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

I Was The Fury posted:

Because they have no self respect and are looking for literally anything they might have done wrong to cause this to happen, and land on "well obviously I wasn't trusting enough and pushed them away and my snooping is just proof of that so that was a bad thing to do"

At least that's why I felt bad about it until multiple trusted sources told me I hadn't done anything wrong.

people are willing to overlook a lot in exchange for a steady supply of vag esp when they have low self esteem

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:22

Barudak: May 7, 2007

I hung out with a dude in a group as we did karoake and he sang the offspring track "Self Esteem" which id never heard before. He was like, super emotionally invested, and about halfway in after hearing the lyrics it clicked for me that the song was his life and I loving hated him.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:28

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Barudak posted:

I hung out with a dude in a group as we did karoake and he sang the offspring track "Self Esteem" which id never heard before. He was like, super emotionally invested, and about halfway in after hearing the lyrics it clicked for me that the song was his life and I loving hated him.

hahaha

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:30

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Barudak posted:

I hung out with a dude in a group as we did karoake and he sang the offspring track "Self Esteem" which id never heard before. He was like, super emotionally invested, and about halfway in after hearing the lyrics it clicked for me that the song was his life and I loving hated him.

man at least he is not a dweeb

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:32

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

I think you have PC/a warrant to snoop when they start gushing about another dude all the time, are constantly flirting with him, and leave the room you are in to talk to him on the phone.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:32

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

The thing is I'm not trying to win a court case, you can try to debate the morality of whether I should have looked at your texts but I'm still going to dump you and move on.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:37

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Buzkashi posted:

I (29M) found out my girlfriend of 4 years (25F) is cheating on me a month ago. We reconciled it, agreed to stay together. Found out she's cheating on me with same guy

Once again I rue the fact that the word "cuck" has been co-opted because this dude seems like he loving wanted to get cheated on again

Lol, she never stopped banging that dude. How much of a sorry sap do you have to be to have "reconciled" without demanding that she cut that guy out of her life completely? Then to want to try and work it out after you discover she's cheating "again" and even had you take the pictures she's sending to the guy? I hope everyone in the comments is telling him how loving dumb he is.

Edit: They are, but in a more supportive way, I'm shocked no one took the snooping bait.

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:46

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Tender Bender posted:

The thing is I'm not trying to win a court case, you can try to debate the morality of whether I should have looked at your texts but I'm still going to dump you and move on.

yeah but you're a member of the phylum chordata capable of defining your own standards and making decisions without being instructed in detail on what to think so your ancestry diverged from that guy's in the Cambrian

Barudak posted:

I hung out with a dude in a group as we did karoake and he sang the offspring track "Self Esteem" which id never heard before. He was like, super emotionally invested, and about halfway in after hearing the lyrics it clicked for me that the song was his life and I loving hated him.

Pick posted:

hahaha

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 17:48 on Jun 6, 2017

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:46

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

Barudak posted:

I hung out with a dude in a group as we did karoake and he sang the offspring track "Self Esteem" which id never heard before. He was like, super emotionally invested, and about halfway in after hearing the lyrics it clicked for me that the song was his life and I loving hated him.

That guy owns

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:46

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 07:33

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

sometimes the OP's looking for advice on the topic on hand and if they don't head off the ethics-of-snooping derail Reddit will never loving shut up about it, sometimes the OP's a grovelling bootlick in search of someone to tell him what a worm he is and offering helpful prompts

Friend fed me shroom burgers against my will.

quote:

So I just want to state that first I am not a drug user. Outside of 1 time in high school with weed, I have never used any sort of illegal drug.

That being said friday night a friend said he was having a get together with some friends. He was cooking burgers on the grill and asked if I could come over. I agreed and we had a nice evening. Until he handed me my burger.

First bite I noticed it tasted funny. I mentioned it and noticed the mushrooms on it. I thought they were normal ones. My friend made it sound like I was insulting his cooking so I decided to just choke the rest of the burger and washed it down quickly with some tea. Normal sweet tea.

So it wasn't long before I started to feel the effects of it and noticed everyone was looking at me and laughing hysterically to everything I said and did. Do not remember much of what happened other than some of the freakiest poo poo I have ever seen and heard in my life.

Come to find out later, my burger was the only one with magic shrooms on it and it was a prank played out by my "friends." I am the straight edge sober friend who is always the DD. They thought it would be funny to see their "sober friend" high for a change.

So few questions. First off, is this assault? Did they break some kind of law here? Outside of having illegal mushrooms of course. Will this show up on a drug test?
I have text messages from my friends who are saying how lame I am and how they just "played a joke" on me. I want to know what can be done here. I am beyond pissed off and I even decided to take saturday to try and cool down from this.

quote:

Welp this went from lovely to total loving screwjob in one day. The video that was recorded was set to unlisted on youtube and only shared between a few friends. One of them downloaded the video, besides me, and put it up on facebook. Unfortunately the video only shows me freaking out because of drugs. So all it proves is that I "went on a trip." I was able to get the video taken down by my friend saying my boss can see it and I can get fired. He at least removed it. I submitted a claim on the youtube video and hopefully it gets taken down. (Harmful and Dangerous acts flag)

I went to the police last night and told them everything that happened. I spoke with either a sergeant or a detective later on. (not too sure which) I told him everything that had happened and showed him the video. I showed him the text messages and let him listen to a voicemail message from the girlfriend of the guy who fed me the shroom burger. She had told me that I needed to stop freaking out and the reason they did this was because I needed to loosen up. Im not a drug user and even I know that weed is how you loosen up. Not shrooms. And finally this is the part that I feel the most lovely about. I told the officer that my friends all probably have a decent amount of weed or x at their places.

So after giving everything to the guy he told me that he may need to contact me later. Fast forward to about 6-7ish tonight and facebook is lighting up. Everyone except myself and one other person was arrested who was at the party. I do not know the exact reason everyone was arrested but it appears to be possession and not what happened to me. I really do not know how I feel about that.

I know that two of the four were arrested with meth and ex on them. I am fairly sure that the guy who hosted the party had a good amount of weed on him too. (He always has weed.)

quote:

So almost a year ago I was drugged by a few of my "friends." They put a magic mushroom on my burger and when I complained about the taste they made it seem like I was insulting their cooking. That mushroom gave me hell for what felt like hours.

I reported it to the police and they were pretty much all arrested the next day thanks to one of the guys being well known by one of the officers.

After my last post I learned that the guy who made the burger and put the shroom on there eventually talked to the wrong person about what he did. He was caught in that act and now faces charges on that as well. His plea deal got thrown out in light of the new charges.

His girlfriend, who basically got a misdemeanor possession charge when everyone else is facing felonies, came over to my house to plead with me. I really do not recall much of what happened next. I remember waking up groggy and with a huge pain in my head. I remember grabbing my shotgun and her running out of my apartment.

I think I passed out again later because when I woke up next I found myself looking at a police officer and a paramedic. They were asking me what happened but I was too out of it to truly tell what went down. My apartment was a HUGE mess. My TV was knocked down and broken, my chairs were overturned, same with my couch. My coffee table, glass coffee table, was shattered. Police later told me that there were huge knife marks in my bed.

Doctors say that I was likely tazed then bludgeoned over the back of the head when I came to later. I told the doctor I remembered grabbing my shotgun and a family member who was there did confirm that police confiscated it out of my hands. No rounds were fired out of it as it still had 5+1 loaded into it.

In the hospital I was informed that the girl had made a complaint against me. That I lured her to my apartment to rape her. In the struggle she tazed me and hit me over the back of the head with a bottle.

I told them what I remembered happening. I got out of the hospital a few days ago and relocated to... well somewhere else. The girl who assaulted me knows where my apartment is meaning they know where my apartment is. Yeah we packed everything and I broke the last 4 months on my contract. The landlord was ok with it. After what happened he wanted me gone anyways.

I am being told that there is an ongoing investigation. The girl never went to the doctor and had no marks at the time of her complaint to the police that indicated any sign of a struggle. I do not know why she trashed my apartment the way she did. She originally claimed it was because of the struggle she went through to get away from my "attempted rape" but that does not explain the knife marks in my mattress. Like she literally took a knife through the sheets and into the mattress.

Outside of the obvious steps I am taking to protect myself, home alarm, ar 15, finally got my LTC, carrying a handgun, and painted my car a different color with new license plates what can I do here?

I have a large amount of medical that hit me from this. But I highly doubt this chick will be able to pay for it. Also she still has no been arrested over this. What can I do to help make that happen? The police are wanting to take her side in this but even they say her story is a little far fetched. But they still refuse to do anything about it.

Unlike last time where I was drugged and technically was not permanently harmed, this is clear cut assault. Plain and simple. I am beyond frustrated and do not know what to do here.

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 18:03 on Jun 6, 2017

# ? Jun 6, 2017 17:50

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